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It was becoming irrefutable. Try as one might, one can only really deny something standing before them for so long. Even in the circumstance...that one's dead ally usually takes up the spot between their eyes. Haunting and crippling...but never quite immobilizing the heart.
One could suppose that was the true strength of being human...no matter what, one's heart could always move to surprise you.
So what comes after the realization that something else exists in there...? Maybe relief? Maybe guilt? Maybe, they thought to themselves, it would be better ignored for everyone else's sake.
For their own as well...
But it stands there. In your way. Innocent enough as well as provocative.
And your mind dances around them without being able to truly hold it back.
It compares to a room built like a puzzle. A single glass sheet between you. And with every action, the room begins to reflect the same picture. Until there is no difference. None whatsoever. You stand face to face in a room that could just as easily be mistaken for a mirror's reflection of the one behind you.
And your hand slides up, you touch the delicate glass sheet, their hand raised to meet you.
This connection and certainty that pushes away even the dead that haunt your every peripheral sightline....when you look into their eyes....the edges seem to fade away some.
Your peripherals fade. The pain fades. The faces fade.
With eyes blurred, you wonder what it would only be like to shatter that fragile wall between you two.
He knocked on the door.
In light of the most recent set of traumas set in, he found he couldn't just ignore the young woman and leave her alone in her room...though he was unsure if his own presence would be so comforting to her. He...knew his difficulties.
There was no answer.
After a while, he knocked again and wondered if this was all just a mistake. His heart was in a well enough meaning place, but what if what was really needed was rest? What if him being there compromised her ability to feel at ease?
His shoulders barely noticeably slumped, he felt the familiar dark feeling creeping over the edges of his eyes, almost so that it could have been mistaken for the shadows of one's own eyelashes...he knew better by now. He knew exactly how it loomed.
It was that feeling that perpetuated a third knock to the door. It felt increasingly desperate, he felt his own heartbeat starting to pick up and eventually, he felt his face closing in on the door.
This wasn't very much like what a friendly policeman would do, eavesdropping...but once he heard the accerelted breathing like someone choking on air, his instincts took over.
He brought the door down like a shred of unhealthy wood and stared at the girl lying in bed helplessly with concern. She looked a complete wreck and it was obvious, her skin paler than snow and looking just as cold, the way she twisted and squirmed in her sleep and swiped her hands in the air. It genuinely looked like something was suffocating her in her sleep...
It couldn't be...
He immediately moved to her side and touched the collar around her neck, it was tight, but not more so than his own. That much brought him some level of relief but he knew the issue wasn't dealt with.
He took hold of her shoulders and called to her minding her hands as they violently swiped at the air like she was clawing towards the surface of an ever-deepening pool.
She finally awoke and breathed in frantically, she coughed and her eyes, swollen already with countless crying encounters, filled right back up to the brim with fresh, boiling tears...searing at the already tender and darkened skin around them.
She panted until the air felt less congested and soon those thoroughly abused eyes landed on him, shuddering along with the rest of her as she tried to work that deep-fried brain of hers on how to handle his sudden appearance.
"Keiji" she spoke but didn't know how to follow it up. Her head drooped a bit then landed on his chest heavily, he could sense the utter exhaustion weighing on her like bricks as it seemed gravity only wished to drag her further and further down.
He helped prop her up a bit, yet allowed her to continued resting on him.
"You don't look so good" he stated the obvious for lack of anything else to say.
She found it amusing and chuckled slowly, nodding her million-ton head where it lay.
"I...can't get that feeling out of my head..."
"The feeling...?"
"The button..." she clarified, voice threatening to shatter "I still feel it in my hands. I...I can still hear the moment I...stopped pressing it...if I'm not careful...my fingers cramp up trying to start up again."
He looked to her fingers, twitching slightly as her hands lay limp on her lap.
"I wish...I could pop my ears and be rid of the sounds Keiji...I think that's what hurts the most. Not that I still see him...it's the moment I started to fail him....and couldn't keep him alive any longer. The moment I realized I had only made the whole thing worse."
He quietly listened as she dumped her raw feelings of regret and sadness out to him. He knew what he could say to her in the way of comfort was limited...he himself couldn't offer her the salvation she so desperately needed. He knew that much. He could barely keep his own head above water some nights.
Though that may be the case he found his heart weighed down and mind working up a storm for anything he could offer her.
Anything at all.
He reached out his hand and grasped one of her own. It was such a weak and tiny thing compared to his own, he could imagine closing his fingers around it would disappear it altogether...so he did.
Engulfing her small, frail hand...he warmed it up against his own skin and he noticed her shaking seemed to calm down to that effect.
This was good. That was at least something he could do for her.
Without a word he took her other hand and did the same, her fingers relaxed into the touch and she sighed contentedly.
"..Your hands are warm" she remarked as if the concept was so foreign.
He smiled at this, though remained silent. He let his fingers run along hers and soothe their rigidness. Though as he did, he noticed a single blister on her finger, judging by the shape and size, it felt new...it didn't take him long to realize where it could have possibly come from.
With that, another idea came to mind.
"Come with me?" He suggested gently.
Her eyes looked up to his.
"Where?"
"Just down the hall, my room. I need to get something from there and..." he shot the broken door a guilty look "Your friendly policeman may have went a little overboard."
She seemed to have just noticed the broken door and frowned at him. He could only awkwardly smile harder. That expression was so very much like her old self...wasn't it? It was practically a wordless scolding.
"I'll fix it for you, but in the meantime..."
"I understand." She stood up, disguising her wooziness with the sheer strength of will, she placed her hands at her hips and waited on him.
Keiji moved from the bed and before leaving, situated the door more reasonably on its hinge, dissuading others from less than favorable conclusions in Sara's absence. The two walked a little way before reaching his room, he opened it up and stood aside so she may enter first.
It wasn't lost to him, the look of curiosity that made it's way to her face. She immediately looked around the room, scanning every shadow, accessory, and crevice while he merely had time to close the door behind them.
Her lips pouted indignantly and arms crossed, she made her way over to the cushioned seat on the other side and rested there.
"What a face."
"The rooms are all identical." She remarked as though the observation would take away the obviousness of her pouting.
He cracked a smile and found himself chuckling dryly.
"Don't tell me you're disappointed."
Her face scrunched up. Bullseye.
"Oh, I see..." Keiji pressed in an amused tone "Is this your first time in a man's room?"
The implication drove the young girl to shoot him a loaded look, he could only laugh heartily in response.
"So what if it is, what about it?" She muttered aloud, crushing the embarrassment under the facade of stubbornness.
His smile froze.
Ah yes, that's right. It was so easy to forget...but this girl was only still a high schooler. She may be their de facto leader at the moment for being such a straight and honorable character...but...it became easy to lose in translation...even looking the way that she did. Actively wearing her school uniform and everything.
She was taken from her life...right before she managed to hit its prime...and now, as it turns out, was alone in a horrid situation...down a confidant and even more confused about her relation to Kai and his whole role in her life.
His heart felt that familiar twinge again and he himself moved his hand to his chest, swiftly crushing it with a vague expression.
"I think it's for the best you never saw my room."
Her eyes rolled over to him, hands still crossed over her chest and expression still puffed and rigid.
"Why's that...?"
"It's a total pigsty. Nothing special or interesting about it. Just a place for the uniform to come off and go right back on the next morning."
"That...makes sense for you." Sara mentioned softly "You don't look like the type to care about your room."
"How should I take that?" He joked and dug around in the attached bathroom, he was careful to leave the door as casually wide open as possible, minimizing suspicions towards himself would help her relax after all.
Sara crossed her legs neatly beneath herself and tilted her head pensively, she seemed to be picturing what his room was like. If it helped distract her mind, he'd gladly shoot himself in the foot for his lack of domestic prowess. Hell. He'd go into detail if she'd seemed that curious.
Still, his eyes wandered over to her yet again from his searching. He really couldn't help but think this quite often, more so than he'd hope.
She was definitely very cute.
"When I think about it..." she began, snapping him from his gazing back to the task at hand "My room isn't all that exciting either. It's practically...empty. Unremarkable in every way."
She scrunched up her legs to meet her and looked over his way, earning her a sideways glance on his part.
"Just a place....to put my books down and pick them up again in the morning."
Ah. Oh Damn.
His hand slipped.
And from it, an object clattered to the floor.
He looked down to see what it was and was surprised to see it was exactly what he has been looking for. He swiped the container up, disregarding the mess left in the searches wake and sat in the other seat mirroring her own.
Her eyes momentarily narrowed on the mess on the bathroom floor, once again words seemed to pour from the gaze itself until he took her hand and pulled her from her inner monologues.
He held out a bottle of lotion and carefully spread some over her fingers, working them in between.
Her face flushed immediately and she ripped her hand away from his, expecting an explanation but like fast. His vague expression returned to cover the colossal 'oh shit' currently playing in his mind.
The fact she allowed him to hold her hands in her room fresh out of a traumatic nightmare does in fact, not immediately allow the initiation of a random hand massage after inviting her to his room in the dead of what could be the night...
He facepalmed internally hard enough he could almost hear the smack of flesh.
"Sorry...didn't mean to make you feel weird." He began tentatively "It's just that you mentioned the feeling in your hands...I was thinking something like muscle numbing cream might help...I guess you don't actually need this old police man's hands to actually make use of that. I got carried away, sorry about that."
Her pose relaxed until her shoulder dropped fully and she breathed out, looking to her hands.
"It...does feel relaxing. I appreciate it. You should...be more clear."
He chuckled and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Yea..."
He was surprised to see her hands come right back and tentatively place themselves onto one of his, her face flushed but staring directly at him.
"I...would be so thankful."
"I see..." he muttered, betraying his surprise. Still, he picked them up and continued his massage, making extra sure to work on the fingers she had used to press that accursed button as discreetly as he could.
"You're not half bad at this." Sara piped in to shatter the encroaching silence as he focused "Where'd you pick up the skill to do this? I'd be sure a massage from you would be too painful to bear."
He smiled, he smiled directly at her while he pushed that other presence back and away from his eyes. This was not the time for him to see them...not when he'd managed to build up at least this much with this poor girl. They were not going to cloud his eyes.
"You often think about my massages, do you?"
"It comes to mind when you initiate one out of the blue when randomly inviting me to your room. After mind, you, breaking into my room."
Ah...haha...
Point Sara.
"Are you going to answer?"
He smiled again.
How aggressively sharp this woman was. He supposed it wouldn't hurt.
"I had a friend on the force, she often came down with all sorts of bruises on her fingers. She had the weakest hands of the entire precinct, I'm willing to bet."
"So you learned for her sake?"
"More like...she drank me under a table and that's what she'd like as a reward."
Sara laughed "What an outstanding policeman. I almost mistook you for being thoughtful!"
"Ouch. I'm plenty thoughtful. I did pick up the skill at a good time, didn't I?"
She simmered down from her laughing and found one of her refreshed hands pushing back a bit of her hair.
"I suppose so."
Cute.
He'd thought it again and cringed at himself, he looked to her hands and stared at them for a bit. They moved a lot more normally now, even the color seemed to return to them.
This...seemed to be the extent of what he could do for her.
It saddened him, but at least...he was able to do this much.
With that he released her hands, she pulled away from him gently and looked at them almost as if they held something important. She smiled sweetly.
"Thank you...Keiji."
"Not a problem. Anytime. Seeing as how you're not quite ready to get into the drinking game just yet."
She frowned and shot him a look, this one however, it was obviously playful. There was a glint in her eye that helped to ease his worrying a bit as well.
"Where did you even get that lotion?" She questioned, suddenly realizing she had none in her room. "I thought these rooms were identical. They should be stocked the same if that's the case."
"I got it from Safalin." Keiji recalled "I got a little bit sore after the attractions...she recommended it to me and its helped a lot. After that she let me keep the bottle in my room for regular use."
"You got hurt?"
"Nothing serious. I'm just...not much of a dancer."
Sara cracked a smile. She admitted, that particular attraction had been obscenely difficult.
"Should...I offer you a massage in return? I doubt I'm as practiced as you, but if I can help you out in return for this gesture-"
"No, it's alright" he immediately turned down "I'm all better anyway. No need to trouble yourself. Actually, I think...its time you got some rest, Sara..."
Her expression, pleasantly flushed just a moment before seemed to run cold again, she forced a smile out as her hands reached up to sort her hair.
".....I guess so. I've taken up so much of your time already, I should just go. Thank you for tonight...!"
Throughout the sentence she managed to fidget her way up off her seat and head to the door, grasping the doorknob caught between fluster and obvious terror.
He couldn't take the sight of it.
Before he knew it he was beside her, holding the door closed with a single hand while simultaneously looking down to her paling expression.
Stop. You'll lose her trust if you act rashly.
He inched away from her stunned face, standing up straight and away from looming above her as he had been a moment ago.
"You should take my room tonight. It's my fault your door is busted. You...shouldn't sleep there without that basic insurance. Not that I don't trust everyone here...but I couldn't in good conscience..."
"As a friendly police officer..." she added on, gazing directly into his eyes.
"...yea."
"Where will you go?"
"I can take your room. It's not an issue for me."
"Stay..."
His eyes widened slightly.
Her hands clutched her chest, and her expression looked completely desperate.
"Stay with me tonight here. You can...fix the door later. If...if I have another dream..."
"Sara..."
Her eyes watered, hands clutching together tightly.
"I...need someone...I can trust to be there when I wake. I don't...want to be alone...please Keiji."
Between the two of them...there was a glass wall. He could make her out perfectly beside it being there. It only became apparent...when he moved to touch her. He suddenly felt the presence of it. Even now...as she practically begged for his help.
Her hands reached up to touch him and just as quickly, he met them halfway.
Her fingers curled over his and he mirrored hers.
They stared at each other, and their faces drew close. Her lovely purple eyes, so messy from all her crying...they bore mercilessly into his.
And yet...
His face halted just a little ways away from hers. She stared at him, he could see her confusion. Why had he stopped?
Maybe...in the scheme of things....with death waiting on them...it just wouldn't matter.
Still...the glass wall wouldn't shatter this night.
"I'll stay. If you need me, Sara. I'll be here for you."
His tone, contrary to what usually came across, was dripping with absolute unwavering sincerity. Behind the words was a powerful will. For her sake...he would be as strong as necessary.
Accepting his answer, she pulled away from his hands and nodded quietly. She headed for the bed and he followed.
Soon...she was fast asleep on his lap, while he stared up at the ceiling, reclined on a couple of pillows propped up on the headboard.
As she peacefully rested, he sighed contentedly. The sightlines at the corners of his eyes taunted him, as usual.
He looked down and his heart filled with ease.
This much was enough.