Chapter Text
Chevy Chase MD
October 12 2018
Ben dreams of a door.
He can only really tell that it's a door by the faint outline of light that peeks through the frame, otherwise he's standing at the end of a seemingly never ending hallway the elopes him in pitch darkness.
He can't see, but he knows the smooth finish of oak, the symmetrical molding that etches out deep lines that arch is sharp lines. The paint is peeling on the hall walls, but the door is still perfectly black as though time hadn't touch it at all. The brass handle gleams in the darkness.
He knows he shouldn't, but he wants to see what's on the other side and he wants to see it badly. He's not scared, he's not curious. He's nothing, a blank emptiness, a stark white against ebony. And that room is something, spilling under the door with the light against the wooden floorboards.
He wakes up and jerks upward, inhaling air like he hadn't taken a breath in hours and his throat is burning.
Still heaving, his eyes sweep his surrounding. The room is empty, just how he had left it.
He swears and reaches for his phone, switching on his lamp in fluid motion. On the screen in bold letters: One missed call. One new voicemail.
He blinks and unlocks his phone. The phone call and voicemail are both from Finn.
The English Greyhound at the end of his bed, who had somehow slept through all the chaos, stirs and groans loudly, tucking his face back into his body.
He only glanced at Deeoh before slide a thumb down on his screen and tapped on the sideways triangle.
"Hey Ben." It barely even sounds like Finn. His voice is restrained, trying to sound casual, but failing completely, and something else that he can't quite identify. "I'm sorry for calling. Uh, call me back."
He doesn't deleted the voicemail. He goes back immediately to his call log, finding Finn at the top and tapping on the call symbol. He presses the phone to his ear and waits, the dial tone rings several times before he get's Finn's voice message. He ends the call before the next tone and his eyes look at the clock in the corner, it's just a little after three in the morning.
It's just enough time to go back to sleep, but he doesn't plug his phone back. Instead he collapses back into the mattress and thinks.
Ben wouldn't say Finn and he were close, but close enough since he had been in a long term relationship with his sister. Ben turned up the volume for his notifications, unwilling to miss another call.
For a second he wonders if he should text Rey and immediately discards the idea. She wouldn't even pick up.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stumbled to the bathroom. The hot water takes a second to warm up so he turned on the faucet while he flipped up the toilet seat and relieved himself.
He splashed warm water on his face and dried off with a hand towel. Outside, it's still dark, it wasn't even close to dawn yet. Ben tried hard to focus on his own reflection and not at anything past himself, it always creeped him out to see out the window with his back turned toward it.
He flipped the lights on as he maneuvered into the kitchen, his hands fumbling against the walls as he searched for the familiar switches. His coffee machine automatically started at five in the morning, it took him a minute to remember to press the start button.
The machine hummed, the water filtering into the heater and by the time he pulled out cereal from the cabinet, the pleasant aroma of coffee filled the space.
His phone remained lifeless on the counter, Ben unlocked the screen just to double check. He had a email from Ticketmaster. He really need to unsubscribe from their mailing list.
Coffee spilled over the edge, burning his hand in the process of picking it up. He grimaced, but fought through the pain, balancing his cereal bowl in the other hand and walking carefully to the nearest bar stool.
He had finished breakfast, scrolled through the headliners for the Washington Post, and deleted newsletter emails that flood his inbox by the time the blue light of the morning flooded into his apartment.
Deeoh was up already, stretching grumpily, nails scratching against the marble tile flooring. He muffled a howl at Ben and scratched at his bowl, his less than polite way in asking for breakfast. Ben scowled, but obliged, knowing he wouldn't stop anytime soon.
It was just another Monday morning. With another sip of coffee, Ben sat back down and unlocked his phone and checking it to see if Finn had called back for the tenth time, perhaps he somehow missed it. Nothing.
He opens his messages and finds a thread between him and Finn from forever ago. His fingers fly across the screen and he sends the message in quick motions.
Are you okay? Call me back.
He sets the phone down and takes another sip, the mug hadn't even made it back to the counter since he picked it up. Yeah, just another Monday morning.
Except it wasn't. Ben is nearly done with the day, a slow day by all means. Tedious meeting with clients had all but sent him off the edge. He can't help, but check his phone when in between, which is not enough time. He's getting his billable hours in, if it kills him or not.
His phone vibrated loudly in his pocket, the fabric barely muffled the noise. Hux paused in his monologue about court procedures to glance over at him. Ben felt a flash of annoyance burning in the side of his skull, but he elected to disregard it. Nine out of ten, Ben would ignore his phone. Usually it was on silent so this was a rare occasion anyways for him. Today was different. Something didn't feel quite right still and he was anxiously waiting to see if Finn would text him back.
To be frank, he almost had a panic attack midday when he went through the scenarios of possible reasons Finn would get back in touch with him. Maybe he wanted to get something off his chest, maybe he was drunk, maybe it was about Rey. Was Rey okay? Maybe something happened to her.
It took a massive effort on his part to not scroll through his contacts, all the way to the R's, and starts a new message. He deleted the old thread a while ago.
He didn't have to give in after it all, thank whatever deity.
The screen lit up, the name across the display nearly made his heart jump out his throat, Rey.
"Excuse me." He mumbled to the clients across from him, Hux glared briefly before returning to a conversation that Ben had no interest in anymore. The client was lying anyways, something that would be uncovered in a simple computer forensics investigation. It could be sorted later.
He closed the door firmly behind himself and took a deep breath before tapping the green icon.
"Hello? Rey?"
"Oh my god, Ben. Thank god you answered." Rey sounded entirely too relieved. His throat instantly dried and Ben, who had been graced by the gods for his eloquence and quick wit, couldn't for the life of him think of a thing to say back. He was no better than a stuttering middle school preteen asking a girl to the school mixer.
"Listen, I'm so sorry. I know you're busy, but have you talked to Finn by any chance?"
His brain clunked clumsily into second gear. "Actually, he called me last night. He hasn't called me back yet."
"Did he leave a message?" She sounded hopeful.
"Yeah he did. He just asked me to call me back, but-" He bit his lip. He didn't want to worry her unnecessarily, but this was obviously important, more important than his limping, bleeding pride. "Is everything okay?"
"I don't know." She sighed heavily, he could practically hear her pinch the bridge of her nose. He would bet anything that's what she was doing. "He called Poe and I too. Poe talked to him and he was really off. It wasn't like him at all. I just-" Her voice cracked.
He swallowed hard. "I'll call him again if you want. I'll let you know if I can get a hold of him."
"He's still not answering any of our calls, but it wouldn't hurt. I'm heading over to his place right now, he didn't go to work apparently either."
And she was driving. Ben knew the muffled noise of cars passing by, or more likely, her passing them. She should get off the phone. The problem was that after six months of radio silence, Ben didn't want her to get off the phone. Six months of resentment, frustration, and all the other things that came from breaking up, Ben thought he was in the place where he didn't want to her from her again, he would decline her calls without a second thought.
He was wrong, so very wrong.
"Listen, text me when you find him. I'll let you know if he answers, promise."
"I will, I will." She said. "Thank you, Ben. It means a lot."
And the call ends. He looks down at this phone, her name disappearing from the screen and his home screen appearing, which was a picture of Deeoh at the trail marker for the Appalachian trail. He swallows the glint of hurt that comes with the receipt of her call and taps on Finn's name again. The line rings and keeps ringing until Finn's recorded voice plays. "Hi this is Finn..."
Two more hours go by and she doesn't call. By the time he's back to his car and commuting home, she still hasn't texted back. When he pulls up to his building and walks into the elevator, he almost throws his phone on the opposite wall.
Instead, he walks to his door and twist the key in the door, pulling it open and letting himself in.
He flipped on the lights to the hallway and almost fell over backwards at the sight of dark figure, obscured in the shadows in the corner of his kitchen.
"Jesus fucking christ. Finn, what the hell are you doing here?" Ben shouts, his blood pulsing madly and still isn't able to regain full control of his limbs. "I thought you broke in! Do you not answer your fucking phone anymore?"
Finn remained in place, eyes wide and trained on Ben.
Ben bends down and picks up the briefcase that he had thrown on the ground, he hadn't even realized he let it go. If he was smarter, he would have thrown it at the intruder. Lucky for Finn, Ben was able to be scared into full body paralysis.
"Rey can't get a hold of you, do you know what you're doing to her? She's freaking the fuck out. I mean, she called me, so that's not really a good sign, is it?" Ben is ranting now, the pent up energy from near cardiac arrest not dying easily. He chucks his briefcase in the closet and fumbles in his pockets for his phone, struggling to remove his jacket and throwing in at the bottom of the closet. This was not the time for hangers.
"You came all the way to DC and didn't even think to send a text? How'd you even get in here? They aren't suppose to just let anyone inside my apartment." He turns around to find the other light switch. "Are you going to sit down? I need a fucking drink before you lay this on me." His minibar is in the dining room where a bottle of Macallan is calling to him.
Finn is still standing in the kitchen when Ben passes by the divider wall. "You don't get one. That's how mad I am at you."
He reaches for the bottle and unscrewed the cap. His fingers hover over two glasses as he decided whether he was going to stand by his statement or not. He grabs one glass decidedly and let it fall on the credenza with a heavy, thump.
His phone buzzed in his pocket where he disposed of it, momentarily distracting him. He finished his pour as he reached into his slacks and felt for the slim device, pulling it out and setting the bottle back down.
It's not Rey's name, but Poe that's across his screen. It's just one thing after another it seems tonight. He presses the green button and holds it up to his ear.
"Poe?"
"Ben?" His voice, quiet and serious, a tone that was very unlike his friend for as long as he had known him. "Where are you?"
"Listen, I need to call Rey, but-"
"Don't call Rey. Listen to me, don't call her." Poe's voice was urgent and cracked. "She told me to call you. It's Finn. He's gone."
Ben snorted. Yeah, he was gone alright. "Funny story actually, maybe you should come over."
Poe kept talking like he hadn't heard him. "She's going to fly out here tomorrow or the next day. It's not good, it's really not good."
"Wait, wait. She's flying here? To Washington?"
"Finn wasn't in California. He was here, in Virginia."
"Yes, I know. Really you should head over here. I don't want to ruin the surprise for you." Ben rolled his eyes. 'Is she coming to get him then?"
"Ben." Poe snarled. "What is your problem? Finn is dead. They found him in the house, Ben. He's gone." And then he heard muffled sobbing. Poe must have pulled the phone away and the call ended.
Ben froze, his hand still clutching onto the glass bottle that he already set back on the tray, his glass filled halfway with amber liquid. He forgot the drink and slowly walked back into the living room, hand still wrapped around his phone in a steely grip.
He turned the corner to the kitchen and it was empty.