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Sometimes she hears a song.
It’s a beautiful one – somebody singing, or somebodies. She can’t really make out if it’s one voice or multiple ones.
She doesn’t really hear it, not in the way that sounds come through the air, no, not like that. She hears it in her head.
First it comes through in dreams and when she wakes up her head is clear, even if it’s just for a moment.
Then it starts coming during the days as well when she has her migraines. She hears the song, and suddenly her head clears and the pain is gone.
She doesn’t tell Sylvia, of course, because why’d she willfully offer her another reason to think she’s a failure. Hearing voices! The doomed daughter takes it to the next level and goes and becomes crazy – the only thing worse than being mediocre. Not like she’s really talking to anybody these days.
Her life’s become mushy.
One night during full moon when the city is quiet she wakes up to the singing and she lays awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the haunting melody.
It’s… like the song is calling her. The moon?
She gets up and walks to the window and something catches her eye. The song stops.
There’s a tall shadow standing in the middle of the street.
They’re a person… of some sort. And they are looking at her. Clearly. She can’t see the face, but she knows that they are looking and she isn’t afraid and it’s absolutely clear.
What she has to do.
She wraps her dressing gown on top of her pajamas and creeps down the stairs, puts on her slippers and sneaks out the door into the night.
It’s chilly and quiet. Too quiet, really.
When she gets close enough to see the person’s face isn’t human there’s a sudden pang of extreme pain in her head and it makes her double over in agony.
The person quickly leaps to hold her, gripping her shoulder with gentle firmness.
“DoctorDonna. May I help you?” They ask, a ball of light igniting in their hand when they speak.
Donna is on the ground on her knees, panting.
”Please.” She grits through her teeth. She knows it’s the right answer.
They place their hand softly on her shoulder and suddenly she can hear the song again and the pain immediately eases out.
“Who are you?”
“A friend.”
Later, somewhere far away on the other side of the universe she’s surrounded by song. It bleeds her memories back to her head like liquid – like the time vortex shooting through her eyes but reverse and softer – the memories glide their way back to her and the song takes care of the pain and she’s Donna again.
“Welcome to our home, DoctorDonna.” They say, the Ood. But no, that’s not her name, her name is just Donna and this is who she is and the other sad excuse of a life was just a nightmare and that Donna does not exist anymore.
“Where is he?” She asks with a shaking voice.
“The Doctor is on his way. He hears your song.”
They take her to the same snowy mountaintop where they said goodbye last time and he comes with the wooshing voice of the TARDIS and Donna’s heart is bursting out of her chest and she doesn’t know what to say or do, so she just stares, shaking from the cold, and the anger, and the heartache.
He’s standing at the doors, eyes wide in shock, mouth hanging slightly open, a silent whisper of her name on his lips.
Sad. Even more than surprised he looks lost and sad. He looks like he’s been sad since the day she left but she doesn’t care, instead she turns around and leaps to the neck of her saviors. “I can never thank you enough.”
“You already did.” It’s the same Ood who took her to this place. She has learned to recognize him. “It is your song we are singing and it is your song that will be sung for generations to come.”
So she sheds a tear for the love shared and turns around, walks in the TARDIS straight past him, carefully avoiding his gaze, and he steps to the side and lets her in.
The ship’s hum cradles her and she walks directly to her room, the TARDIS knowing exactly what she needs and locking the door behind her. She takes off her dirty pajamas and collapses to the bed, crawling under the blankets and hugging them tight and she wills her brain to shut off.
There’s a knock at her door, and a silent whisper of “Donna…” but she pretends she doesn’t hear it.
They sit by a river somewhere in the highland’s countryside and it’s sunny and Donna has taken off her shoes and she’s playing with the cool water with her toes and looking at two fish chasing each other in the water.
“Why?”
It’s the first thing she’s said to him after they re-united, so her voice shakes a little and he’s quiet for a long time, staring ahead.
“You would’ve died. You do understand that, right?”
“I do.”
He turns to look at her. “You would have died.”
The sunshine is glimmering on the streaming water and Donna stares at the flicker, and the fish.
“You didn’t have my consent.”
“Your con– you don’t you understand! I would have lost you!”
“You did lose me.” She’s calm, collected, and it surprises her even more than him.
“You were alive. That’s all that matters.” He’s picking on a seam in his suit, restless. Trying hard not to let his voice rise up to a squake.
“That was not your choice.”
He leaps up and his hands shoot to his hair, frustrated. “Donna. I refuse to consider I made the wrong choice when I saved your life!”
She breathes in hard a few breaths and then turns to look at him for the first time.
“No, listen to me.” Her gaze is pure fire. “Life is not an absolute value above everything else in the universe, not over the quality of it, do you get that? You are not a God. You did not have my consent. It was not your choice. I refuse to explain these concepts if they’re somehow lost on you!”
He doesn’t say anything, just stares at her, helpless. Sad. So sad.
Donna stands up, and grabs her shoes. “It was my call, entirely. You saw the plead in my eyes.“ Her voice is shaking again and she’s trying to hold back the tears. “I wanted to stay with you forever, and you took it away from me. Your ego, your selfishness, your inability to ask for help or to trust anybody else but yourself and your own brilliant brain, that’s what caused this.”
When he doesn’t answer, she turns around and starts walking away, up the hill, towards her future, shoes still in her hand.
He calls after her, but she doesn’t answer, and he understands; she’s half Time Lord – she doesn’t need him anymore to travel the universe. She’ll figure out a way if she wants to.
So he lets her go, because that’s the only thing he can do.
He really thought she’d come back after some days, but weeks pass, months. Then again, that’s just his timeline.
He’s thinking if she’s figured out a way to time travel yet. Probably.
One morning in the middle of brushing his teeth he suddenly can’t take it any longer and he runs to the console room, half dressed, toothpaste smeared on his face, and he pleads the TARDIS to take him to her. But she doesn’t, of course she wouldn’t if Donna doesn’t want to be found, and he falls down and actually cries.
He tries to look for her everywhere.
He goes to Chiswick one evening and finds Wilf on the hill, staring at the stars. He’s happy to see him and they talk, but he goes silent when he mentions Donna and clearly Donna’s told them not to tell him anything.
When he pushes forward Wilf stops him and says: “Look, Doctor. She needs time.”
He gets it, but also he can’t just wait, so he goes to the Ood, and he spends time with them and his heart grows more humble with these selfless, beautiful beings, but they remind him too much of her and he has to go and continue looking for her. He has to find her. He has to say he’s sorry. He has to.
One night he jolts awake from deep, deep sleep when he hears the TARDIS hum loudly and he immediately knows exactly what it’s about.
He quickly pulls on his suit and runs into the control room and the TARDIS is almost jumping into the vortex without him, that’s how eager she suddenly is to go.
They land in a dark alleyway somewhere in the outskirts of London. The Doctor walks out to the main street, timid hearts hammering in his chest. He looks around; there’s a bar close-by, with a broken bright red neon-light that says “The DD’s”. He snorts and walks closer. Sometime’s the universe’s sense of humor doesn’t amuse him.
Well, maybe it does a little.
The place reeks of humans, bear, cigarettes and too much perfume. Soft 80’s rock music is playing quietly on the background and there’s only few people in, mostly lonely, older people with sad but content smiles.
Donna stands out like Venus in the night sky.
She sits by the counter, elbows resting on the wood, swirling the last pieces of ice around in her glass.
He goes and sits next to her.
“Can I buy you a drink?” He asks.
“Okay.” She says.
He waits to see if she’ll turn around to look at him, but she stubbornly stares at the wall ahead, so he waves his hand at the bartender and orders a drink, then realizes he doesn’t have money and starts to explain some nonsense but she just snorts and says to put it on her tab.
“Really, this place, of all time and space?” He says.
She turns to look at him. “The bartender’s cute.”
He looks at the bartender, a dark woman in her forties with bright eyes. He clears his throat. “I came to apologize.”
“Okay.”
“I… I was an idiot.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Donna, can you please look at me?”
She turns to face him and… He can’t read the face. There’s fear, there’s sadness, there’s curiosity, there’s… life. She looks older.
“How long has it been for you?”
“Enough.”
He catches a glimpse of her wrist and there it is, a watch. Similar to what Jack has. Of course.
He tries to smile but his lips don’t want to collaborate. “Went to say hi to our old friend Jack, have you?”
She raises her eyebrow, and it’s almost like there’s a small smile playing on the edges of her mouth. “I thought you came to apologize?"
He clears his throat again. “Right. Yes. Er... here’s the thing. I’m an idiot. An absolute mayhem of a time-mess.” He’s staring at the floor when he talks, afraid to meet her gaze. “And I was so wrong. Wrong, and stubborn and an idiot. And you… you were right. Like always, Donna, you were right like always. I’m… I shouldn’t have done it. I panicked, I did the thing that I thought was right but… sometimes I just really don’t know what’s right, do I, and I need you. I need somebody like you to stop me. And I will never, ever not let you stop me again.”
“You can cut it with the explanations and get to the apology part now.”
“Yes, right. Sorry.” He looks up to her and breathes in deep. “What I wanted to say is, I, I… I violated you and it was a terrible mistake and I will do anything to make it okay again, if you want that, that is, because I want to travel with you forever, and I really hope you still want that and… I am so, so, so sorry."
She looks at him. Deep in his eyes and she smiles that sad, Donna smile. "Thank you.”
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“Maybe someday.”
“That’s… that’s enough. That’s perfect. I will take that.”
He waves at the bartender and orders a drink, then realizes again he still hasn’t money, and Donna just rolls her eyes and nods to the bartender and he gets his juice and drinks all of it in one gulp.
“I’m so thirsty.” He says and orders another one.
“Hey, watch out. I’m not gonna provide for you all night.”
“I took you to see the universe.”
“Too soon.” But she smirks, and The Doctor is suddenly grinning like an idiot and he doesn’t care how long it takes to make it okay again.
“Do you want a hug?” He asks.
“Yes, you idiot. But not here, let’s get out first.”
So she offers him her hand and they walk out, a Timelord and a Human-Timelord, hand in hand, grinning together again because it feels right for the first time in forever, and they walk into the TARDIS and The Doctor waits for Donna to come to her and she does and wraps her arms around him and they stay there for minutes, just embracing each other.
"I missed you.” She whispers.
“I missed you too. So much.”
Then she pushes him away and he leaps to the console, starting to pull the levers down and push buttons.
He grins at Donna, widely, cheeks already hurting from all the smiling he hasn’t done in such a long time. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Anywhere with you.”