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My heart flipped when I saw them. Kacchan and the other boy. His name was Hatsu Seiki. He seemed perfect. He was slender, like I was, just had fewer muscles. He always had a small smile or grin on his face, like nothing could tear him down. He had darker brown hair that flopped around paired with sky blue eyes that seemed to look at everything with a certain gentleness.
Damn it. The group of us were hanging out in the local park doing homework. Kacchan had come with the other male. Clinging to him. Everyone had stared in surprise but had accepted him pretty quickly. He had won over everyone in the class. Except me. I don’t know why I didn’t like him. The other reason I could have was that my stomach twisted every time I watched Hatsu give Kacchan affection.
“Deku, are you okay?”
“Huh?” I looked over to see Uraraka watching me with a concerned frown on her face.
“You’ve been staring into space for a while now. Are you okay?” she repeated. I forced a smile on my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kacchan frown in my direction.
“Oh,” I let out. I scrambled for something to say. I forced my lips to stretch into my usual grin. “I-I’m fine, Ochaku-san. I promise. I just c-couldn’t sleep last night is all. I was too b-busy with analysis.”
“Alright,” she said with a chuckle. I let out a discreet sigh of relief that she bought that excuse. It wasn’t a lie, but that wasn’t the reason I was staring into space. It had to do with a certain ash-blonde who was currently glaring at me from the other side of the group, even as his boyfriend clung to his arm. I looked down at the homework I had already completed. I sighed once more and took out one of my special notebooks from my backpack.
It looked like one of my hero analysis notebooks, and no one ever questioned it. I had actually disguised my personal journal to look like them. No one ever knew I kept a personal journal.
Dear Journal,
I don’t know what to do. I’ll never have the courage to tell Kacchan how I feel about him. But now he has a boyfriend. He’s a sweet boy, so I can’t be mad at him. I want to be angry at him, though. Hatsu Seiki. I can’t even see him as a villain that’s taken away my Kacchan. I watch them, even now, as Hatsu clings to Kacchan. Kissing his cheek and stroking the back of his hand.
I’m fighting back tears the more I think about it. Ochaku caught me in my inner thoughts earlier, as we’re all studying at the park today. It’s Saturday, a beautiful day. What am I going to do? I’ve been in love with Kacchan since we were four years old. Kacchan used to let me cling to him like that. I used to kiss his cheek too. Until we found out that I was quirkless. Then Kacchan pushed me away, called me a freak. Despite all that he did to me, I still didn’t leave him. I followed him and continued to fall in love with him over the years.
These days, Kacchan can tolerate me without yelling at me. It’s a wonderful feeling of progression. But now, Hatsu is there. Kacchan is back to glaring at me. I know Kacchan caught the look on my face. I don’t know if it was the sorrow or if I had been successful in concealing my feelings. I-
I tuned into the conversation for a moment as a question caught my attention. Kirishima had been excitedly going on about the class’s quirks. “So, what’s your quirk, Hatsu?”
“Oh,” the boy suddenly seemed to scrunch into himself. I frowned. Why was he being shy all of a sudden? “I-I’m quirkless.”
My world stopped. I stared at the two wide-eyed. Thankfully, everyone was too busy convincing Hatsu that that was okay for them to notice. The only one who did was Kacchan. He was scowling in my direction. I wasn’t able to hide the tears that blurred my vision. I could just make out Kacchan’s surprised expression. But I couldn’t be there anymore. I had to get away from them.
I shot up to my feet, ignoring everyone. I didn’t even grab my things as I rushed out of the park.
“Huh? Midoriya?! What’s the matter?!” I heard Kirishima shout after me. But I couldn’t do it. My heart hurt too much to stay with them. I was trying desperately to hold the sobs in. My shoulders were shaking with the effort. I vaguely heard feet rushing up behind me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to face my torn feelings. My broken heart. At that moment, my heart wasn’t broken anymore. It was shattered.
Completely and utterly shattered.
~O~
The class watched as Hatsu tried rushing after Midoriya. He called after him after Kirishima had shouted. Midoriya only activated his quirk and disappeared faster than Ida would have been able to run. Hatsu stopped with a crushed look on his face.
“What did I say?”
The words were spoken quietly, but the entire class heard him. Bakugou clenched his teeth together in rage as he looked after the direction Midoriya had disappeared to. What is that nerd’s problem?!
Bakugou sighed and stood up to go to his boyfriend. He embraced him from behind. “It’s fine, Seiki. It’s not you, I promise. Deku just has problems. I don’t know what that problem is, but I will find out and correct it.”
“A-are you sure?” Hatsu asked. He sniffled, turning to bury his face in Bakugou’s shoulder. Bakugou embraced Hatsu tightly.
“I promise.”
The rest of the class, bar Todoroki, melted at the display. Todoroki knew something was wrong, though. Midoriya wouldn’t just up and run from them without a reason. He stood from his spot to the pick up the journal Midoriya had been writing in.
“What’s wrong, Todoroki?” Uraraka asked, frowning up at the teen. “That’s just one of Deku’s analysis journals.”
Todoroki didn’t say anything. He flipped the journal to the first page. His eyes widened. This wasn’t one of the teen’s analysis journals. It was a personal journal. He flipped through the pages, shaking his head at the sorrow and heartbreak written in the journal. Clearly this wasn’t the only one, but he cringed to think of how many more there were like this. Of a boy pining over his childhood friend, too afraid to voice his feelings. Forcing himself to hide them.
“What is it, Icyhot?” Bakugou grumbled out, rolling his eyes at the display the other gave. Todoroki looked up from the journal and glared at Bakugou. The class gasped at the look.
“This is your fault,” the teen spoke quietly. The rage could be heard, though he still managed to remain calm. Bakugou growled.
“Excuse me?! How the hell is this my fault?! Because I have a boyfriend?!”
“Yes.”
“Hah?!” Bakugou was glaring murder at the dual-coloured teen. “Are you saying Hatsu is a problem?!”
“No,” Todoroki said. Bakugou blinked in a frown. What? How did that make sense? “It’s your fault, Bakugou.”
“Explain,” Bakugou said. He wasn’t glaring angrily anymore, but he was confused. Todoroki walked forward silently, pushing the journal into Bakugou’s chest.
“If anything happens to Midoriya, it’s your fault.”
Before anyone could say anything, Todoroki picked up his already packed bag and walked away. Bakugou frowned. He knew that this wasn’t one of the nerd’s analysis journals. It didn’t look right.
“Bakubro? Isn’t that just an analysis journal?” Kirishima asked, voice soft and hesitant. Bakugou shook his head.
“No. It doesn’t look like one. It’s all wrong,” he muttered, seemingly to himself. “When did he start making these? How did he even think they looked like the same thing?”
“Bakubro?”
Bakugou wasn’t paying attention. He was skimming what was inside the journal. And he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. And he reached the last entry, he froze on the spot.
‘I’ve been in love with Kachan since we were four years old. Kacchan used to let me cling to him like that. I used to kiss his cheek too. Until we found out that I was quirkless. Then Kacchan pushed me away, called me a freak. Despite all that he did to me, I still didn’t leave him. I followed him, and continued to fall in love with him over the years.’
That wasn’t why he pushed him away at all! Where the hell had Izuku come up with that reason?! Bakugou looked up to the direction Midoriya had disappeared. He had to find him. Before he did something stupid.
“Shit,” he muttered out with a big sigh.
“Katsuki, love?” Hatsu asked. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go find that idiot,” Bakugou said. “That’s what’s wrong.”
“Why?” Hatsu asked. He was confused. What was happening? “To me, it seems like he got upset when I said I was quirkless. Does he not like quirkless people?”
“Baby,” Bakugou said. He didn’t care that he was going to be sappy and stupid in front of most of his class. “That’s not it at all. I promise. Deku and I have known each other since we were four years old. Our mothers were best friends. We were close, really close with each other for our age. Until one day that changed. Deku found out that he was-”
Bakugou stopped. He couldn’t tell the secret. He couldn’t say that his Deku had been quirkless, too. He cleared his throat.
“Something happened. He was diagnosed with something that we thought would destroy his future he wanted as a hero. I was angry. Not at Deku, but I was never good at expressing my feelings. Apparently, neither of us were. Stuff happened, and I pushed him away. I bullied him, I know I did. He kept coming back though, so it became what we did. Instead of talking to him about the situation, I tried keeping him at a distance.”
“What does that have to do with me being quirkless?” Hatsu asked gently. Bakugou shook his head.
“I can’t say, but I have to go find that idiot before he does something stupid,” he said He leaned down slightly to press a gentle kiss on Hatsu’s forehead. “I’ll see you later, baby.”
Before anyone could comment, yet another teen had taken off. This time, no one knew what to say. Bakugou could just barely see that mop of green curls running up ahead of him. He forced his legs to run faster, trying to catch up to the other. He knew Deku would do something stupid if he couldn’t catch him fast enough.
Bakugou started panting at the effort of running for so long. How had Deku not stopped yet?! Then, it was like a horror movie. He watched a car up ahead as it lost control. Heading straight for Deku. Deku didn’t see it, lost in grief as he was.
“Deku! Watch out!” Bakugou tried to call ahead. Deku must have heard him, for his head snapped up. Bakugou tried to get his legs to move faster. He had to save him, damnit! He couldn’t let him die!
He wasn’t fast enough.
In slow motion, the car seemed to hit Deku. Deku’s mouth widened in shock and pain as the car hit him. It finally came to a squealing stop, but the damage had already been done. Tears flooded Bakugou’s eyes as he ran to where Deku collapsed on the ground.
“D-Deku! No!” Bakugou said. He fell to his knees, not paying attention to the pain that shot through them at the harsh landing. “Deku, you can’t die on me, damnit!”
“K-Kach-chan?” Midoriya got out, blood coming up with it. Bakugou could feel tears streaming down his face.
“No,” Bakugou said. He let his hand rest on his friend's cheek. “You’re not supposed to die, nerd.”
“K-Kacchan,” Midoriya said. His hand shook as he reached up to caress his love’s cheek. “I l-love y-you.”
“I love you, too, ya nerd,” Bakugou sobbed out. He fought against the urge to clench his eyes shut, needing to keep them on his friend. “Just not in the way you need it. You’re like the brother I never had.”
“K-Kacch-”
“Hush,” Bakugou whispered out. He saw the pain in those green eyes, and it had nothing to do with him dying in his arms. Bakugou grabbed Midoriya and wrapped him in a hug. He tried to stop his sobs, but his body still shook with the force with them. He could feel Deku’s heart beating weakly against his chest. His own squeezed painfully when he felt that weak heartbeat stop. He knew it was too late. He finally allowed the tears to spill down his cheeks.
His brother was gone. And there was nothing he could’ve done to save him. Absently, he felt someone’s hand gently rest on his shoulder. He shook his head. He wouldn’t leave his brother. The boy he couldn’t save. The boy he couldn’t love the right way.
“Bakugou, you need to let him go.”
He knew it was Aizawa-sensei. He shook his head once more. He couldn’t leave Deku alone. He would get scared. Before he could do anything else, he felt that hand pull him away and be joined by another.
“No! I can’t leave him!” Bakugou shouted out. He only had eyes for his Deku. Who lay on the ground in front of him. Lifeless green eyes staring up to the sky. Body slack, as if he was only sleeping though deathly still.
“Bakugou, you have to come with me. There isn’t anything we can do for him,” Aizawa said. He almost sounded normal, if Bakugou didn’t know any better. He could hear the sorrow hidden behind the words. It was the only thing that kept him from lashing out. The hands holding his shoulders were warm. He needed that warmth at that moment. He finally turned away from his brother and buried himself into his teacher’s chest.
“I can’t leave him,” he weakly let out around his sobs. Aizawa took a deep breath, trying not to cry himself. He looked down around the teen in his arms to look at his other problem child. He didn’t move. Aizawa half expected the young teen to sit up with a sheepish expression to say he was fine. Like he always did. He didn’t, though.
He knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t help but hope though. The only thing he could do now was take care of Bakugou, who was falling apart in his arms. Make sure Bakugou didn’t follow the other. Didn’t give up. One tear managed to escape as he herded his student back to school. He felt numb, but he knew he had to call the school. Needed to let Midoriya’s mother know that she no longer had a son to take care of.
The coming days would be tough. For everyone.
~O~