Work Text:
Essek tapped his fingers impatiently on the desk. He wasn’t used to having to wait for most things; despite his age, being the Shadowhand came with quite a few perks, including people being generally aware to be punctual, even early. Caleb Widogast was not one of those people. The wizard was everything Essek was not used to, chaotic, disorganized, often skidding into their meetings at the last minute having avoided some disaster with his band of fellow misfits. Essek supposed that was one of the things he liked about Caleb, the feeling that he was not having airs “put on” for him, that the man he was seeing really was the man in front of him. There were moments that Essek got a glimpse of something lurking beneath, a deep well of pain that remained raw inside the other man, but having secrets, having a past, was not the same as putting on a face for a superior. Who didn’t have those? Essek was young for his people, but had lived enough to have a few skeletons in his own closet. He didn’t begrudge Caleb those.
Still, there was something that itched in Essek, the desire to open Caleb up and knit those wounds together, to leave not even a scar of his past behind- but even a scar would be preferable to the angry well of pain that thrummed, tangible under his hand when he touched Caleb. Essek sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. This is what you get for mixing business with pleasure. Though really, the moment that handsome man spoke to him with that charming accent and those beautiful blue eyes, and asked for his tutelage, there was little chance of the two staying separate, even if Essek had kept his hands to himself and they hadn’t brought sex into their arrangement.
There were moments, moments that were foolish in retrospect, when Essek lay in bed alone and Caleb had left, his bedroom felt cold, empty, and he wished the other wizard had stayed. But staying wasn’t part of the arrangement. There were many times, after, when the redhead sighed, stood from the bed and began dressing, and Essek felt the words in his throat, please, don’t go, but he swallowed them every time. Once, the first time they had had sex that felt to Essek dangerously close to proper lovemaking, he had started to offer for Caleb to stay the night, but the look of panic on the human’s face killed the words on his tongue. Essek mumbled a different ending to his sentence, though he was sure they both knew what he had intended to say. So things hung in an uncomfortable, tenuous limbo between them: most of their magic lessons ended in the bedroom, and frequently, they remained in bed when sex was finished, discussing lots of things that had nothing to do with dunamancy at all. But always, eventually, Caleb squeezed his hand, rose, dressed, and left.
You’re just lonely, Essek scolded himself. You’re old enough to know that going to bed together doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Essek was still ruminating on this grimly when he heard one of his servants open the front door and human footsteps rush up toward his study. He couldn’t help a small smile from spreading on his face. Caleb Widogast was lithe and graceful for a human, but in a drow’s home, particularly a drow whose feet didn’t often touch the floor, he sounded like an elephant tramping up the stairs. Essek did his best to quiet his jumping pulse and tame his smile into a more neutral, professional expression.
Caleb knocked urgently and Essek called for him to enter, turning his eyes to the parchment and spellbooks on his desk. The human burst into the study, shirtsleeves dirty and half scorched, hair mussed, eyes wide with apology. He still had his book harnesses on and that small thing made a wave of affection warm in Essek’s chest. Essek looked up, maintaining his stern face.
“Mister Widogast. You’re late.”
“Ja, ja, Shadowhand, I am sorry,” Caleb said, out of breath from his run up the stairs. “There was a bit of an incident at the house.” Essek furrowed his brow, unable to keep the concern out of his face.
“What happened? Is everyone alright? Do you need-” Caleb shook his head dismissively, fidgeting with his hands laced behind his back.
“Just the usual nonsense. Nott and Jester, the alchemy lab, it is not important. But I am very sorry for having been late to meet you, it is unforgivably rude to keep one’s teacher waiting.” Essek couldn’t help but smile at the mental image of Nott and Jester messing around with things they shouldn’t, creating explosive weapons and whatever else they could imagine. Luxon only knew what the damage to the house looked like.
“Well, you are right about that,” Essek teased, still smiling, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I am sure you will find a way to make it up to me.” A flush crept up Caleb’s neck and Essek couldn’t take his eyes off the pale skin, admiring the way the pink filled in behind the freckles. That was one of the things about humans, at least the light ones, you could always tell what they were feeling. They colored so easily. Essek snapped out of his reverie when Caleb reached across the desk and took Essek’s hand in his.
“Whatever you wish,” Caleb said softly, not meeting his eyes. Essek raised an eyebrow. This was a side of Caleb he hadn’t seen before. Typically Essek was the submissive one in their trysts, but he couldn’t say he minded trying to take the reins, if that was what Caleb wanted.
“Right now, I wish for us to continue your learning,” Essek said, gesturing with his free hand to the chair across from him. Caleb looked confused for a moment, but sat uneasily. Essek flipped through his book, looking for the right page, but Caleb was still searching his face, expression unreadable.
He began to explain the history of a particular glyph of the spell they were studying, the process of developing it, the way he had been taught, but Caleb was slower to process than he usually was. Essek kept trying, twenty minutes of asking and re-asking questions, trying to elicit connections to their previous lessons, but Caleb was obviously distracted. Essek sighed and folded his hands in front of him.
“What is the matter?” he asked, frowning. “You are not focused.” Caleb’s eyes snapped back to his, face difficult to parse.
“I - I am sorry, Shadowhand, I do not mean to - put you out further. What - what would you have me do for you?”
“Do for me?”
“To make up for my being late. And inconveniencing you.” Essek was even more confused. Typically they didn’t jump into bed right after Caleb arrived, but Essek had always found it hard to say no to the other wizard. If he wanted to change the order of things, Essek supposed he could oblige, but this game of obedience was new.
“Oh. I mean…I suppose…what would you like to do?” Essek wasn’t sure how this was supposed to go. He’d read scenes like this in his less educational books, but had little experience on this side of the exchange. Caleb’s face didn’t change.
“Would you allow me to service you?” he asked quietly. Essek felt his cock stir with interest beneath the desk.
“I - yes, that would be very nice.” He wanted to say thank you but that felt out of place in this situation. Caleb rose and crossed to Essek’s side of the desk, gently pushing the drow’s chair out so he could kneel under the table. Essek felt slightly uneasy. This was a very different Caleb than the one he was used to, and while Essek knew a man could be very different in bed than he was in public, this wasn’t the Caleb Essek was accustomed to even in private.
“Caleb, I -“ he began, and when he looked down at the man, his heart almost shattered. Caleb’s hands were shaking on the laces of Essek’s trousers, his blue eyes wild with worry, nothing on his face but panic. “What is wrong?” Essek clapped his hands down over Caleb’s, stopping his attempts to unlace his pants. That only seemed to make Caleb more frantic and Essek started to panic too. “Caleb, Caleb, stop, I don’t - why are you - I - Caleb, I’m not angry with you!” He didn’t know where the words came from but the instant Caleb breathed deep and his shoulders relaxed, Essek knew he had hit what was wrong. Caleb’s hands were still shaking and Essek took them in his own, massaging them rhythmically, comfortingly. As the realization dawned on Essek, he felt pure, white hot rage wash over him, filling his chest, his throat, threatening to drown him, curling his stomach into an iron ball. Someone, someone who needed to pay, had hurt this man, probably when this man was still a boy. Someone had used sex as a weapon against him, as a punishment, and the knowledge made Essek’s hands start to tremble when the even more horrible thought entered his mind: He thought you wanted to punish him. He thought you were going to hurt him.
Essek was not an emotional man, but he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and lifted Caleb up to his knees so he could hold the human’s face in his hands.
“Caleb, Caleb, I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing kisses to his hair, his forehead. The words tumbled out of him, the need to put a salve over this wound aching so deep inside him that discretion no longer mattered. “I didn’t know. I was only joking when I said that before, that, that you had to repay me, it was stupid, I shouldn’t have. Please, I would never hurt you, I would never, I promise-“
Caleb collapsed into Essek’s lap, his shoulders silently shaking, and the drow felt his own throat tighten, helpless to do anything but stroke Caleb’s hair and shoulders until the trembling slowed. The human fell back onto his knees and wouldn’t meet Essek’s eyes.
“Caleb?” Essek asked softly. “Are you alright?” Caleb sighed and ran a hand over his face, finally daring to glance at Essek, his eyes dark with guilt and shame.
“I - I do not know how to apologize to you for this, Essek. I - it has been a long time since I…reacted…in that way. I suppose in the moment, when I realized I was late, it reminded me of…other things.” Essek didn’t say anything, but got out of his chair and sat on the floor next to Caleb. Essek, the man who didn’t even let his feet touch the floor, but it didn’t matter, he just needed to fix it so badly that he couldn’t think of anything else.
“Would you like to tell me of what?” he asked, placing his hand over Caleb’s. The man was silent for a long moment, his head resting back against the desk, eyes closed.
“I had a teacher, back at the academy. He…was an evil man. Is an evil man. He believed that a student was at the mercy of his teacher…in all respects. He hurt me, and others, in many ways, but…that was one of them. I had to demonstrate my…service to him, when I misbehaved, and….” Caleb’s voice faltered and Essek tightened his grip. “It was getting off easy, to do what I wanted to do for you. He took his pleasure from hurting us. I just…went back to that place. It was like I was a teenager again. I cannot express how sorry I am for putting you through that, and I do not fault you at all for not wanting to continue our lessons, or - or our…relationship, I -“
“What? Did I say such a thing?” Caleb didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, his blue eyes searching Essek’s face. “Caleb, there’s - you have nothing to apologize for. And I do not want to cease teaching you, or…our intimacies.” Essek blushed a little and was grateful his dark skin hid it. “I would never, in this lifetime or any other, harm you, in any way. It is the most vile thing I can imagine to take what is beautiful, and sacred, and make it into a weapon. Especially against a child. I - I have to ask, Caleb…” Essek’s throat tightened again at the thought but he had to get it out, had to know. “You were not…did you…have you been-“ Caleb didn’t make him say it, taking both Essek’s hands in his.
“I did not begin sleeping with you because I thought I had to. If that is what you are going to ask me.” Essek’s chest relaxed, his stomach unknotted.
“Yes. It was. I - I could not bear the thought that you…thought I expected that kind of…service,” Essek spat the word. “But if you wish to no longer continue, if it is causing you harm-“
Caleb silenced Essek with a bruising, desperate kiss, holding Essek’s face between his hands.
“Making love to you has brought me no end of goodness, Essek Thelyss.” Essek’s heart swelled and his pulse quickened. “I apologize if saying so is overstepping, but I feel I have already passed that point today.” Essek captured Caleb’s mouth with his own, hands twisted in the human’s shirt, losing himself in the herbaceous, earthy taste that he was so addicted to.
“Make love to me then,” Essek breathed against Caleb’s lips, his heart pounding in his throat.
“With pleasure,” Caleb replied, his arms wrapped around Essek.
“But not as my student.” Essek swallowed and saw Caleb’s brow furrow in confusion. “I - I want you. Perhaps I am overstepping now, but I don’t want to do this anymore as your teacher, I want it as your - lover.” Essek had to force the word out but once it was there, floating between them, he couldn’t put it back in. There was a moment of silence between the men before Caleb leaned his forehead against Essek’s and kissed him softly, lovingly, and Essek never wanted to come up for air.
“I want you too.”
Within seconds, Essek had teleported them up to his bed and Caleb was under him, hands roving over his back and thighs, stroking with a chaste tenderness that made Essek melt. He felt strangely exposed despite their still being clothed, with the way Caleb looked at him, like he was something to be treasured. Essek suddenly felt shy, bending down to kiss Caleb, needing to squirm out from under that gaze. He placed gentle kisses over Caleb’s face, his cheeks and forehead, skin tangy with salt from the tears he had shed not long ago. Essek wanted to kiss away any trace of the sadness, the pain that had consumed him from the moment he entered the study, wanted to soothe it away until Caleb was whole again.
He knew he couldn’t. But at least he could make his love louder than the voices that haunted the wizard. His wizard. Caleb slid his fingers under Essek’s shirt, finding the hardened nipples he knew were sensitive, and glanced over them teasingly before lifting Essek’s shirt up over his head. Caleb propped himself up, Essek still in his lap, and ran his hands over the drow’s back as he took one nipple in his mouth and sucked it. Essek arched his back and groaned, the heat of Caleb’s mouth, the delicate swipe of his tongue, almost overwhelming in its pleasure. Essek tangled his fingers in Caleb’s hair and held him close, stroking his head and curling his legs around the man’s waist.
“Wait…” he groaned, though he was loathe for Caleb to stop. The look of fear in Caleb’s eyes almost broke him but he gently pushed against Caleb’s chest until he was laying flat on the bed. “I want you to relax.” Caleb frowned slightly.
“I am relaxed.” Essek shook his head, biting his lip with a bit of embarrassment. He bent down to whisper in Caleb’s ear, not wanting Caleb to see his blush.
“I want to serve you. To show you how you deserve to be worshipped.” Caleb sighed, his hips unconsciously pressing up into Essek, making Essek braver.
“Oh, Essek, you do not need to-“ Essek sat up and folded his arms over his chest.
“Every time I’ve gone to bed with you, you practically ignore yourself. You focus on making me feel good, and you lay there and whisper beautiful things to me, but you have never let me do that for you.” Caleb averted his eyes; he knew what Essek was saying was true. Caleb didn’t tolerate praise, didn’t tolerate pampering or sentimentality from Essek. Essek had respected that, assuming he didn’t want their affair to feel too close to a relationship, but now he knew better. Caleb rejected that treatment because he couldn’t allow himself to receive it. Essek’s gaze softened.
“You know it’s entirely up to you. I don’t want to push you. If you’d like to fuck me until I can’t see straight, I’m certainly not going to complain.” Essek leaned down to brush a kiss against Caleb’s forehead. “But…I want to show you what I see. When I look at you. Would you allow me to do that for you?” Caleb was quiet for a long moment, running his hands over Essek’s back, nuzzling into the hand on his cheek.
“Ja, okay. But please, do not feel like you must, only because of what happened, I-“ Essek took Caleb’s mouth in a hot, passionate kiss.
“Caleb Widogast, I am the Shadowhand of the Kryn Dynasty. I do not do anything simply because I feel that I must. Now be quiet, you heavenly and incredibly stupid man, and let me take care of you.” Caleb smiled against Essek’s lips, opened up to allow his tongue inside, a sensation Essek was sure he would never get tired of. He lost himself in Caleb’s mouth, intoxicated on the taste that was uniquely him, and Essek’s heart soared with the thought that only he knew it, and only he would know it, now that they had admitted their feelings. Admittedly, it made Essek a little possessive, but he resisted the urge to move down Caleb’s body and leave marks on his neck or shoulder. He wanted Caleb to experience only pleasure tonight, no pain, nothing close to it.
Carding his fingers through Caleb’s hair, Essek lay kisses over his lover’s face and moved down, gradually, to his neck, ghosting his fingers under the hem of Caleb’s shirt.
“Would you like me to take this off, Schatz?” Caleb whispered.
“Far be it from me to object to such a pretty view,” Essek murmured against Caleb’s neck, lifting himself up so Caleb could remove his shirt. Essek saw the flush on Caleb’s cheeks darken with the compliment, and Essek couldn’t help but chase the pleasure of that image. He continued to kiss down Caleb’s shoulders, across his chest, committing every freckle to memory, nuzzling his nose into the patch of auburn hair that he loved so much. Essek’s own body was almost devoid of hair, and if he was being honest, he was incredibly turned on by Caleb’s, a very obvious marker of their difference.
Breathing in the human’s heady scent, Essek took one of Caleb’s nipples in his mouth, lavishing attention over it, tracing gently with his fingers the places where he felt Caleb’s muscles tensing with pleasure. The small whimpers coming from him, the feeling of hot fingers running through Essek’s hair, aroused him even more, and he felt a wave of want, the need to put something else in his mouth. Not yet, he thought, popping off Caleb’s chest with an obscene, wet sound and Essek knew from the raw hunger in those blue eyes that Caleb’s thoughts hadn’t been too far off from his own.
Essek lifted one of Caleb’s hands to his cheek, kissing the scarred and calloused fingers, the smooth palm, and taking the thumb into his mouth briefly to give a small, teasing suck. Essek was surprised when Caleb groaned, his eyes screwing shut and his head falling back onto the mattress. Essek wished he had the kind of photographic memory that would allow him to keep that gorgeous image forever.
“You are absolutely divine,” Essek whispered, running his fingers over Caleb’s torso. He could feel Caleb hardening, the length starting to press against his inner thigh deliciously, and Essek surprised himself that he had almost forgotten about his own arousal, increasingly obvious between them. He bent down to murmur in Caleb’s ear, “I wish you could see how radiant you look right now. Like an angel. I could build an altar to you.” Caleb reached up to pull Essek’s head towards him, locking them together in another desperate, needy kiss.
Essek reached down between them, not stopping their kisses, and slid a hand inside the human’s trousers. Essek gripped his hot, velvet-soft shaft with a gentle hand, and felt another bolt of arousal shoot to his own cock with the thought that this was all his too, he was the only one now who was going to get to watch this man come undone in his bed like this. Not wanting to get Caleb too worked up just yet, Essek gave him a few soft, teasing strokes and was rewarded with the most delicious noises, desperate moans from deep in Caleb’s chest.
“Ohh, yes,” Essek moaned, “you are so perfect, let me hear how good I’m making you feel, my brilliant boy.” Caleb rolled his hips up into Essek, causing the drow to suck in air sharply, and Essek ground down against the feeling, letting out a soft whine of his own. “That’s it, you’re perfect, Caleb, beautiful Caleb….”
Lifting himself off Caleb’s hips, Essek moved to the end of the bed and slowly, with kisses following all the way down, pulled Caleb’s trousers off, and then his own, so they were finally naked together, needing, wanting, craving one another. Essek crawled over his lover, until he was able to settle comfortably between his legs and nuzzle into the soft copper curls at the base of that perfect cock, tip shining with precum, and his mouth practically watered.
Torturously slow, Essek ran his tongue over the length of Caleb’s cock and reveled in the deep, frustrated groan he got in return.
“Essek, please, I need you,” he whimpered, and Essek smiled.
“Of course, sweetheart. I’m just admiring this beautiful dick that I can’t wait to have in my mouth.” Caleb threw an arm over his face and arched up again, moaning, and if that wasn’t a picture Essek wanted to keep, nothing was. “Thinking about how good it will feel when I ride it,” he murmured, and he heard Caleb curse softly from under his arm, and Essek couldn’t stand any more teasing; he swallowed Caleb to the root and felt warmth rush through him at the shout Caleb let out. Essek worked him over thoroughly, losing himself in the sensation, the weight of Caleb on his tongue, the way his lips stretched around the shaft, and he feels like it’s been entirely too short a time when Caleb’s hand grips his shoulder. Essek comes up immediately, concern washing over him, icy.
“What’s wrong?”
“I cannot stand lying here looking at you and doing nothing to please you,” Caleb sputtered. “Please, I - let me open you, I want to be inside you, Essek, I have only so much self control-“ Before he could finish that delightful begging, Essek planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth and straddled him, leaning over so he could continue to suck Caleb off while he worked on him. The oil they used was already in Caleb’s hand, and Essek bore down harder on Caleb’s cock and groaned when he felt a hot tongue circling his entrance. The sensation of Essek moaning around his cock makes Caleb’s hips jump and Essek is so fucking turned on when he feels the head of Caleb’s dick pressing against the back of his throat. He tries to take him in further, though the angle isn’t ideal, but loses all coherence when the tongue that had been laving over his rim is replaced with a warm, oiled finger.
Essek practically sobs, he’s not touched himself at all this entire time, and the realization dawns on him, as he continues to suck, that this is probably how Caleb usually feels. The sensation of just Caleb’s one finger, and then two, fuck, when he feels how loose and ready Essek already is, is magnified to the point of overstimulation.
“Ja, that’s it, open for me, Schatz,” he murmurs. “Fuck you’re so beautiful….”
It’s Essek’s turn to cry out and let his muscles go slack when Caleb inserts a third finger, stretching him gently, and drags over his prostate, sending a deep coil of pleasure through Essek’s stomach.
“Please, please,” Essek whimpered, pulling off Caleb’s cock for air. “I need you…”
“You have me,” Caleb murmured, “I am all yours, yours as long as I breathe, Essek…”
Finally feeling open enough, Essek reached back and touched Caleb’s hand, prompting the human to pull out. Essek’s rim fluttered in frustration at the emptiness, his body crying out for Caleb to put them back in but ignored it. Essek rolled off Caleb and reoriented so he was straddling the human, settling himself so Caleb’s cock pressed against his ready, waiting entrance.
“I’m beginning to think I might be getting somewhat fond of you,” Essek jokes softly, gazing at the gorgeous man underneath him. Essek could sit like this all day, drinking in those soft red curls, pretty blue eyes that cut straight to his heart like shards of ice, tracing planes of muscle and freckles and scars, the scars that Essek aches to cover over with kisses, to write new memories on that skin together, and he felt weak in the legs at the reminder that this is his, all his, and Caleb wants him, and fuck, how did he get so lucky?
“Ja, I do get the impression you might be going a little soft in your old age,” Caleb teases, his hands stroking over Essek’s back, his ass, his thighs, and Essek can’t help but laugh at that, leaning down to take his lover’s mouth in a sweet, almost chaste kiss. Almost.
“You look so delightful like this,” Essek murmured, kissing along Caleb’s jaw. “I could spend all night on my knees worshipping you…” Caleb groaned, hips thrusting up impatiently, and Essek grinned.
“Please, Essek, fuck, I need to be in you,” Caleb moaned, and Essek felt his own burning, insistent need growling low in his stomach. He slicked Caleb’s cock with the oil, enjoying the hiss of breath that came from the other man with the contact, and sank down onto the hot length with a cry, feeling finally, as full as he wanted to be.
There was a moment of stillness, of silence, as Essek adjusted to the stretch, the only sound the two of them panting. Finally, Essek started to move, trembling at the feeling of Caleb’s cock dragging against his prostate, and he thought he might come on the spot when Caleb gripped his hips and keened. All coherence was lost when he began riding in earnest, the upward snap of Caleb’s hips fucking all thought out of him.
Praises fell from his lips in fragments, “Yes, please, you are beautiful, perfect, radiant, I need you, you feel amazing, don’t stop, fill me up, fuck…”
Essek almost snarled when Caleb started pumping his cock, the sensation altogether too much, not enough, he wanted it to last, but when he leaned down to mouth at Caleb’s neck and jaw and heard breathless panting, “Ich brauche dich, du bist perfekt, mein wunderschöner, brillanter Essek, ich liebe dich, ich gehöre dir-“
-he didn’t need to speak Zemnian to understand he was being praised. With one well-angled thrust from Caleb, Essek came with a shuddering shout, spilling over both of them, and the clench of his walls around Caleb’s cock drove him to orgasm not far behind, gasping Essek’s name as he released inside him. Essek felt the gush of warm and wet and almost purred at the eroticism, how much he loved being filled, claimed from the inside by a man who already laid claim to his heart.
The two lay together for a long moment, holding each other, pressing breathless kisses anywhere they could reach, until Essek felt Caleb softening inside him and gently pulled off, rolling over so he could settle in the crook of Caleb’s arm.
He couldn’t stop staring into those beautiful blue eyes, dark with lust and love, if Essek dared name it that, and for once, calm. The sea of doubt, the constant whirring of that brilliant mind had ceased for just a moment, and he was here, completely, with Essek. They made out lazily, no urgency of arousal pushing them forward, merely losing themselves in the feeling of having the other close. Essek broke away and propped himself up on one arm to get a better view of Caleb’s face.
“You better not even dream of going back to the Xhorhaus tonight.” Caleb smiled, lovestruck happiness obvious on his face.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, mein Engel.”
Neither of them got much sleep that night.