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it's moday evening where taehyun finally steps on the practice room floor again after spending his rest of the days studied at school. it's tiring, as it's used to, but for today taehyun looks a bit more exhausted than the other days.
well it's yeonjun who notices it.
he is there for one hour already. sitting on a chair in front of the big screen of the computer in one of the studio sides. back facing the computer, his eyes are now looking at the younger stumbled his own small figure into the floor. he looks extremely tired.
"if you're tired then have a proper rest at the couch. practice is in one hour, don't spend your time hurting yourself like that." yeonjun said with eyes that are still locked into taehyun's figure.
he got no answer from the latter. 'is he sick?' is what in his mind.
"taehyun?"
"taehyun-ah?"
"tae?"
"hey!"
some shouts came out from yeounjun's pouty lips. he then immediately comes for taehyun to find the younger closing his eyes. face looking so pale.
panic strikes. his eyes grew bigger as he doesn't know what to do with the younger.
it's not that he has never helped someone who is sick. it's also not that he has never handled himself when he fell sick, but the sick boy in front of him giving him a certain panic yet a huge hesitation.
he doesn't dare to shake the body, he's too afraid it'll get things worse. he doesn't dare to check on his forehead, he's too afraid to face the fact that the heat of the youngers body making him more terrified. he just freezes in his place without knowing what to do.
"t-taehyun.." but after all, he still tries. shaking the younger softly. doesn't want to flinch the boy.
slowly, taehyun opens his eyes. processing the lights his eyes suddenly have to receive. looking at his surroundings, he admits he got a bit surprised that yeonjun is there. with a panic face.
'what makes him panic?' he wonders.
"a-are you okay?" yeonjun asked.
"yeah.. what's wrong?"
"you look pale. are you sick?"
taehyun internally cursed. is it too obvious? he knows he feels unwell today but he didn't know he looks legit pale. he didn't expect that.
"oh? do i?" taehyun immediately turned his head to the mirror and looks at his reflection there.
he indeed looks pale. but it isn't taehyun if he's not good at concealing. with words.
"oh? isn't this my lips everyday? maybe you're not paying attention at this kind of thing so much so you got this as that."
lies. yeonjun always pays attention on taehyun. he never missed a single thing. he knows how that fluffy hair fell flawlessly covering his forehead. he knows how that beautiful hand ran to slick that back. he always got himself observing that thin dimples under his eyes that appeared when he laughs, also the other deep dimples on his cheeks that could strangely make yeonjun feels like there are butterflies in his stomach giving him ticklish euphoria. and he also knows well, how those lips weren't used to look that pale. he knows taehyun is sick.
but once again, he pulled that thoughts back in his mind. taehyun would absolutely deny it saying he's okay with his composed look towards him if he happened to talk his worries out. that will absolute lead into some clashes and he isn't in the mood for debating now.
it just feels bitter to keep being like that, to be honest. to keep himself from expressing his heart out to taehyun. because the fact is that he cares a lot about the younger yet for some reasons, something is just holding him back from doing it openly. maybe it's because he doesn't really want to show that side of him or because the way taehyun would respond to it kind of makes him feel uneasy. he's hurting to see taehyun being defensive when he does that kind of act towards the younger. even it's only a worried look from his eyes. he can't tell how he feels about it but one thing he knows is that it makes him feel insecure.
"oh yeah- yeah maybe i didn't really pay attention to that. im sorry."
'stupid, why did i have to say sorry,' yeonjun cursed.
"its not a big deal, yeonjun-hyung. no need to sorry." taehyun answered it calmly and yeonjun's absolutely sure the younger just shrugs things off.
he's sure his sorry isn't a big deal for the other either. even when he actually means it. so much.
he feels sorry for making the younger act like that. he didn't know how it really started because everything happened so suddenly. until, maybe, he realized it's all his fault. he remembers feeling the way taehyun slowly pulled himself from him that day after the recording.
when he found taehyun sitting alone in their shared private studio practicing his lines with a hoarse voice. he didn't get the notes right. he would sigh in frustration everytime he heard his own voice got worse. it was a painful sight for yeonjun.
and that was yeonjun's fault. he asked taehyun to go home and rest but in a tone he didn't mean to make himself sound like. he did realize he sounded rude after he looked the sight of fearful taehyun. he screwed up. he really did. everything went downhill from that moment. taehyun who never really looked into him in the eyes when they talked. taehyun who as much as he could not to have an only-two-of-them moment in their filming sets. taehyun who never linked his arm anymore to his. taehyun who avoided yeonjun. who avoided the one he used to be the closest with. who avoided the one he used to tell stories to. who avoided his mental anchor.
he loses his taehyun. and it's because of his selfishness. his cold act.
"hyung, do you mind if i do some practices now?" asked taehyun.
"yeah. make yourself comfortable. i'm.. gonna rest for awhile."
yeonjun just sits still on one of the chairs provided there, tries to focus on his phone instead of taehyun's weak moves. he knows taehyun really works hard on his moves but yeonjun can't help but hear the wince sound from the younger. he wants to stop him. but, again, something is holding him back. he's afraid his act will terrify the younger again. he doesn't want to make the same mistake when the old one hasn't even been forgiven.
some other seconds, he sees taehyun sits himself on other sofa in the corner of the room, panting harshly. his breath sounds so painful to him. the speed is sickening. yeonjun finally walked closer to him and braves himself to ask if he's okay. if he needs him to take him home.
"taehyun, you are not okay."
yeonjun did it again. the harsh and firmed tone. hes too panic. and panic leads him to another clumsiness.
"what? no, hyung. i'm okay. it happens everytime i've done dancing. it's another thing you perhaps didn't really notice too."
yeonjun can't answer that. he forces his mouth to keep shut. why the younger always thinks he doesn't pay attention when the one he's paying attention on the most is him? why the younger always keeps assuming that thing to shut him down from speak out his worries? why the younger wants to keep himself away from being close with him that much?
"o-okay. i'll get you some drinks. i think that's what you need now." yeonjun finally offered him.
"i got my own water, it's o-"
"no, i insist. wait here."
yeonjun did a little sprint to get him a non-iced mineral water and a cup of hot tea. he didn't have any idea on what he did right now. he just needs something to help the younger soothe the pain he's now going through away.
but he has to have his panic rises up in a crazy high rate all over again when he gets back to the room seeing taehyun completely lying on the sofa he sat on earlier with soobin suddenly has himself there bends down asking if taehyun is okay. he sees taehyun shaking, maybe from the cold, and soobin then made a move to put the younger in his arms and let him lay himself to his bigger body.
maybe this is what makes yeonjun feels insecure. he got that taehyun is more attached to the leader these days. he sees taehyun comes to soobin's room more often these past few months to talk out what's bothering him. he's a soft guy that always treats the other so carefully even to himself. his soft tones when he's talking, it helps everyone who's talking with him slowly releases their worries. soobin is a good guy indeed, he literally what a leader figure is. soobin.. is taehyun's safe place. maybe there's a moment where taehyun told things about him to soobin. well he deserves it. it's his fault too so the younger has the will to avoid him.
"yeonjun-hyung, do you know that he's sick?" soobin finally called him.
"i noticed that hes sick but he denied it. here, i bring him hot tea." yeonjun moved his hand to deliver the tea he made for taehyun.
"hyung, i think we should bring him back to the dorm.." soobin suggested with eyes still are locked into the shaking taehyun.
"i will... take him home." yeonjun spoke up.
it took some times for soobin to agree. he brought taehyun's body up to yeonjuns back. "are you okay going alone like this?" soobin made sure.
"of course. he's light anyway."
"okay. take care, hyung. call me when you need anything."
yeonjun just nodded and gave him a warm smile before he went out to the dorm.
***
yeonjun finally laid taehyun on his bed. he chose to put him there because the younger's bed is at the top bunk and it would be hard to take care of him if he put him up there.
he ran to the first aid kit near the kitchen and took some fever pills and a vitamin syrup. also doesn't forget to bring a hot drinking water and a wet small towel for him to put on the younger's burning forehead.
when he got back to the room, he saw taehyun shaking even harder. he rushed himself to taehyun to hurriedly take care of him.
"taehyun-ah, please sit for awhile yeah? drink the medicines, change your clothes, then sleep." yeonjun said softly while he helps taehyun to sit and does things as he has mentioned before.
after he finished everything, he then helps taehyun to lay on the bed again. but things seem not getting any better. taehyun's body is still shaking as hard as when he just laid the younger's body down for the first time earlier. his panic's thriving. this isn't supposed to happen. he doesn't even turn on the AC then what makes the other keeps on shaking? taehyun is supposed to be calmed down by now.
that moment, maybe yeonjun finally lets his guard down. he lets his heart win because his mind can't cope with his panickness anymore. he immediately sits the younger up again then crashed his body to him. he hugs taehyun tight. maybe yeonjun didn't also know that he finally had his tears falling. he's now beyond worried for the younger.
"d-don't shake... please stop shaking... taehyun-ah you'll be okay... stop shaking... please... please calm down..."
the hugs getting tighter. he doesn't let the younger go even a bit. he tries to calm himself as well with those words from him that is used to comfort the younger.
suddenly he feels a hand wrapping around his waist as tight. the shakes are getting slower. taehyun hugs him back.
"yeonjun-hyung..." he breathes slowly.
"i missed you.. so much.. i'm sorry.." taehyun said weakly with sniffles in between.
"i didn't mean to do that. i didn't mean to lie to you. i just-" his continuation suddenly got cut off by the shushes of yeonjun.
"shh.. don't think about it, okay? just don't. how about you sleep now? you need to rest."
instead of letting him go, the hands still so steadily wrap around yeonjun's waist.
"i've been missing this hug for three months i don't want to miss this moment, hyung. please stay like this for a little while, will you?"
that painted a smile on yeonjun's dry lips. it's like everything's melting down. no more unbreakable ice between them. he feels totally relieved. the thoughts of the younger getting futher finally disappeared. the insecurity he had to deal with is finally leaving it's place from his clouded mind. tears fall again, but its for how happy he is now.
his taehyun is back.
"taehyun-ah.. this might be a little throwback for you but it's me who needs to say sorry. i'm sorry for saying that to you."
"hyung, what are you talking about?"
"i hurted you that day when i told you to go home and.."
"i was very sensitive that day, hyung. i took your words wrongly. i shouldnt do that either at the first place." taehyun explained between his hiccups.
"don't do that again, taehyun. you made me scared."
"i'm sorry, hyung. and i won't do it again, i promise."