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It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you

Summary:

There were a few secrets that Lucifer kept from his brothers.

The first being Lilith and his deal with Diavolo, the second being Belphegor’s imprisonment in the attic, and the third may be the most closely guarded secret yet. The shameful fact that he was an omega.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Time, an interesting concept theorised by humans. 

Humans hold on to time, simply because their life expectancy is so short. They go through the aging process for an average of 70 to 80 years before their flames are extinguished. 

Contrary to popular belief, Heaven is not overpopulated. Not all who pray gets to go to Heaven. You’d have to be a literal saint to join the Big Man Upstairs, and frankly, humans are not created to achieve that. 

The devildom too. Not all souls go to Hell. Only those who have made pacts with demons, and those who have done truly wicked things during their time on earth i.e. Hitler. 

Most human souls become nothing, they become a lack of existence. 

Which is why Lucifer hardly cared about time. Time means nothing when you’re older than a millenia. When you don’t age and die, it hardly matters. 

However, Lucifer does make note of a particular month every year. He’d disappear for close to two weeks on a supposed student council mission. He’d always return exhausted, but pink in cheek and in a slightly better mood.

For the past hundreds of years, under whispered conversations, the rest of the brothers have been theorising about what Lucifer gets up to. 

Mammon was convinced that Lucifer must be visiting illegal gambling dens to work off his secret debts, whereas Asmodeus thought that Lucifer may just be visiting strip clubs. 

For a couple of times, Mammon and Asmodeus had tried to follow him. However, it’s usually in vain due to how evasive Lucifer was. The last time Mammon tried to follow him, he was hung upside down in the dining room for close to a week. 

It’s been hundreds and thousands of years, but the brothers have gotten no closer to figuring out what exactly it was that Lucifer does, and where he goes. They have mostly given up at this point, for fear of incurring Lucifer’s wrath. 

--

“... And so, I leave Satan in charge of the paperwork for this month. Belphie and Asmo will assist him with the accounting portion.” Lucifer concluded, “Any questions?”

His eyes trailed across his brothers, noticing that most of them looked dazed. Most shook their heads, all except for one. Lucifer got up, and walked over to the furthest seat before jabbing his elbow into the occupant’s side. 

Mammon jumped and lifted his head up from the table. He has been asleep for the entirety of the meeting,  “Wha- is it over already?”

“Yes, and I’d like you to write down a report on your duties for the upcoming month and why you should not sleep during the student council meeting. I expect it to be on my desk tomorrow morning.” 

The rest of the brothers sniggered, clearly enjoying Mammon’s punishment. 

“Idiotmon.” Leviathan giggled under his breath. 

Mammon glared at the rest and whined, “But Lucy-”

Lucifer flashed him a look, and Mammon quietened, but not before muttering about overbearing brothers and stupid six hour long meetings under his breath. 

“Alright, meeting adjourned. We’ll catch up when I’m back.” 

The brothers got up, with Beelzebub taking to the front of the line, stomach gurgling loudly. 

“Let’s go eat before you faint too.” He threw his arm around Belphegor’s shoulder, who looked extra pale. The rest of the brothers streamed out slowly, engaged in a conversation about the new drama they’ve been watching. 

The brothers’ chatters died down the further they got, and Lucifer found himself breathing out a sigh of relief. He stood in the student council room alone, rubbing his temple slowly as he went over to the window to push it open. There was a slight breeze, and it ruffled Lucifer’s hair gently. He closed his eyes and breathed out noisily.

Having a meeting in an enclosed room with six alphas when his own heat was approaching was as close to torture as it can get. With his impending heat three days away, he was irritable and extremely sensitive to his company. The worst thing was the pheromones the brothers unconsciously emitted, perhaps in instinct to Lucifer’s burgeoning sweet scent. 

Well, not that they could actually smell it. Perhaps only if they were to press close and to sniff his neck. Lucifer had layered on the the topical and oral suppressants, giving himself close to triple dosage for the past week. The heat symptoms have been growing stronger every year, and were starting to creep into the three week range rather than the weak one to three days he used to have back then. He should be consulting someone about it, but honestly it doesn’t take a genius to know that it was a signal from his body that he has to take a mate for Hell’s sake . Or rather, an alpha has to take him as their mate. 

Just two more days, he reassured himself, feeling unbearably hot and on edge as he scratched at his neck. 

Gathering the files on the desks, Lucifer walked himself back to his room briskly, wishing for nothing more than a chance to get out of his multiple layer of clothings and an ice cold shower. 

-

There were a few secrets that Lucifer kept from his brothers. 

The first being Lilith and his deal with Diavolo, the second being Belphegor’s imprisonment in the attic, and the third may be the most closely guarded secret yet. The shameful fact that he was an omega. 

When Lilith was found to be in love with a human all those years ago, Lucifer knew that he’d do anything to save his treasured little sister. He couldn’t understand how Father would condemn her to death and he hated that Father no longer acted as what he stood for - love, benevolence and forgiveness. He refused to back down from Father’s orders to return Lilith, whom Lucifer kept hidden away in the human world. There was a darkness blooming in him, ugly and malevolent.  Poison snaked through Lucifer’s chest, corrupting his love for Father, the celestial realm, and humans. 

Lucifer, you are blinded by hubris.You have caused the Heavens immense grief. Father had said. For your actions, I will give you the punishment of eternal life, forever to be plagued by your pride, and never to achieve peace. You may never step foot in Heaven from now forth. 

And when Lilith was brought to Father by faithful Michael, Lucifer was prepared for war, as with the rest of his six brothers. But, as if Lucifer he could really call it war when it was just the seven of them against the entirety of Heaven.  

The ending was swift, painful and decisive, with an apologetic Gabriel pressing his celestial sword against Lucifer’s neck. Lucifer could all but manage a strangled snort as his wings were ripped off his body. It was excruciating pain, losing both his wings and his powers. His senses were dulled, and where a warm, thrumming buzz used to lie in his body, laid a gaping emptiness. 

The once shining, even brighter than all the stars in the universe, light-bringer was no more. 

The fall happened in a matter of seconds, one moment he was still bathed in the glow of the celestial realm, and the next he had his breath punched out of him from falling into river Styx. For once, he felt almost… mortal. He felt physical pain more intensely than ever, even more so than what troubles his mind. 

Lucifer could hear the screams of the tormented in the river, some reaching out to him, whispering rotten nothings into his ears. Some of them begged him to save them, but hee merely ignored them. Save them? Salvation? He no longer had the power. Perhaps just a few days before he would have opened up his heart to the damned, allow himself to sympathise and let them know that Father is good and forgiveness comes to those who repent. He would have prayed with them, eased the burden of their souls a little. However as of now, he doesn’t have the desire to. It simply isn’t within him to care. 

He allowed himself to be pulled by the river, lungs and throat burning with the need for air, it was painful, but it wasn’t enough to kill him. 

Not that I can be killed anyway, perks of eternal damnation. He thought to himself wryly. 

He must have been in the waters for days, weeks, months, years, perhaps even thousands of years. He wasn’t sure, and couldn’t be bothered to keep track anyway. 

He was vaguely listening in on a poor soul about his difficulties with childhood trauma that manifested into a killing spree in adulthood when he felt a solid hand wrap around his arm and pull him upwards. 

The burst of air felt like relief to his lungs as he collapsed onto land, and he gasped and coughed uncontrollably, spluttering water out of his mouth. The same hand patted his back, warm and steady. 

When Lucifer finally got his bearings, he looked up, ready to give a good lashing out to someone who’d dare touch him physically. Words died in his throat as he was met with red hair and golden eyes. Diavolo, Crown Prince of the Devildom. What luck. 

“Lucifer, lightbearer, dawn bringer, morning star.” Diavolo’s smile was wide. “Can’t say how pleased I am to see you.” 

“Not the same for me.” Lucifer’s voice was hoarse. “What do you want? Are you here to mock me? String me up and torture me for your own pleasure?” 

It was ironic how the backdrop of their conversation consisted of souls screaming. 

Diavolo had the gall to look affronted. “Heavens, no. Why would you think so?” 

Lucifer narrowed his eyes and deigned not to answer. 

“Well, if you really must know, I have a good piece of news for you!” Diavolo clapped his hand together excitedly. “Your sister, Lilith, is it? She is alive.” 

In a burst of speed, Lucifer got up and grabbed Diavolo by his collar, and really, Lucifer must have a death wish, assaulting him like that, but he hardly cared. He looked up at Diavolo, “Are you lying?” 

“Well, it depends-”

“Don’t.” Lucifer’s voice was low and threatening. “Say it properly.” 

“I will if you let go of me this instance.” There was a glint of steel behind Diavolo’s smile.

Lucifer found himself compelled to loosen his fingers, but he held on. “I may have lost my celestial powers, but I can still kill you if you’re lying to me.” Obviously it was a bunch of horse shit, but his pride prevented him from admitting the truth. 

 “Ah, but you wouldn’t want that. Because what you choose to do now affects whether she lives or dies.” Diavolo pulled at Lucifer’s wrist, bringing them down effortlessly. Diavolo put his own arms behind his back as he walked towards the edge of the river, overseeing the flaming landscape. 

“What do you mean?”

“I have her soul, Lucifer. Just a few scrapes of it. I can let her reborn and live as a human, or simply release the soul into the beyond.” He turned to look at Lucifer, who looked dumbstruck. 

“I- well.” Lucifer steeled himself, breathing deeply. “What is it that you want? I’ll do it.” 

“You are so very smart, Lucifer.” Diavolo walked towards Lucifer. “How did you know I would request for a favour?”

Lucifer barked out a laughter. “Perhaps I should assume that you are doing this out of the goodness of your own heart?”

“Hey, no need to ridicule me.” Diavolo laughed, “But yes, I do have a favour I have to ask from you, in exchange for Lilith’s soul.” 

“Yes, as I have said earlier on, I will do it.”

“But you have not heard what it is that I want. You would be taken advantage of if you agree so readily.” 

Diavolo was teasing Lucifer, and it made his blood boil. Lucifer raised his hand to strike at Diavolo, who swiftly caught his arm. Diavolo’s smile was replaced by a serious look. 

“I want you to give me your soul, Lucifer. Sell it to me, serve me until the end of time.” Diavolo’s smile tightened. “I have a vision, I wish to unite all three kingdoms, the Devildom, the human realm and the celestial realm. I want you to do everything in your power to help me with that.” 

Lucifer snorted derisively. He wanted to tell Diavolo that it was impossible, he was clearly dreaming, but looking at Diavolo’s serious expression, he knew that if he were to reject him, Lilith will surely perish. 

“She needs to live a long and happy life.” Lucifer stated. If not an angel, at least a human with a well lived life. That’s all Lucifer could possibly want. 

“Ah, that I cannot guarantee. But what I can do is that I’ll ensure she will be reborn into a well to do family, so that she would not suffer the hardship of being poor.” Diavolo smiled. “Do we have an accord, Lucifer?”

 “Yes, my Lord.” Lucifer managed stiffly. His pride was wounded, having to bow down to an enemy from a previous life. 

Diavolo’s grin grew wide, “Give me your arm, lightbearer.” 

“Stop calling me that. That is no longer my title.” Lucifer frowned as he extended his arm. 

He let out an undignified yelp as Diavolo yanked him forward, sealing his mouth in a hungry kiss. Or what was supposed to be a kiss, except that he could feel his entire being sucked in, reliving every single memory of his life in Heaven in sped up snapshots- being the favourite child of Father, the times he spent in the human realm and with his brothers, helping and loving the humans, the despair he felt towards the end, and the fall. He felt drained, empty, when power started surging back into his body. A tingling that erupted over his anguished back, the familiar feel of feathers brushing his skin, except that it was different somehow, lighter, different spots. There was a dull pain on his forehead and head too, he could feel something growing. Diavolo abruptly released him, catching Lucifer by his elbow as Lucifer stumbled. 

“I give you a new life, Lucifer.” Diavolo’s lips were swollen, and Lucifer was sure his was too.  

Lucifer slowly ambled towards the river, slightly unstable from the new weight on his body. His reflection gleamed back at him, same, but different. Instead of three pairs of pure white wings, he now has two pairs of that were midnight black. He reached out to touch them, and shivered, as soft as they were, they were incredibly sensitive. He had horns too, ridges, and a small dark jewel in the middle of his forehead. As he stood in wonder, Diavolo walked next to him. 

“Your brothers are safe too.” 

Lucifer almost had a whiplash in his haste to turn to Diavolo. So caught up in his own loss and thoughts of Lilith, he had forgotten the other six. Ashamed, Lucifer whispered, “Truly? I thought they must have perished.” 

“Yes. They are demons now, too.” 

“Demons.” Lucifer tested the word on his lip. It sat uncomfortably. But it is what it is. Perhaps a few thousand years ago, he wouldn’t have expected himself or his brothers to become fallen angels or demons. But now that kind of thought felt like it was from a different lifetime. 

Lucifer sighed softly. “Please do not tell my brothers about this, about Lilith. I do not wish to burden them.” 

“I’ll accept your request. Shall we go? Let me bring you to your abode.” Diavolo spoke.

Lucifer nodded, and thus began his journey as Diavolo’s right hand man, a loyal servant with a secret he would bury for a long time. 

----

It took a long time for Lucifer to adjust to his new lifestyle. For one, he realised that he was capable of truly malicious thoughts and actions, and another thing was getting acclimated to the new body he has. The weight of his wings were sitting on different parts of his back, and sometimes he ended up knocking into different places when he misjudged the height of his horns. 

It was a normal day at the Devildom running reports and meetings for Diavolo in order to set up the new school, when something felt off. Lucifer had been irritable for the past few weeks, feeling particularly snappish at the littlest thing. He almost punched Beelzebub’s face for his chewing sounds. Not to mention he felt incredibly hot and… well, horny

Being an angel previously meant no sins were to be committed, and it really was a see-no-evil, hear-no-evil and touch-no-evil sort of thing, and that included affairs of the sexual sort. Which was why it came as a shock to Lucifer when he discovered that if he touched himself a certain way, he would ejaculate and feel great after. He spent countless hours exploring his own body out of curiosity.

However in recent days, trying to get himself off had been increasingly difficult. He would come, but needed relief yet once again half an hour later. It was horrible. 

What was more horrible was the fact that the people around him smelled so mouthwateringly good he wanted to rub himself against them like a cat just to soak in the incredible smell. His brothers were also suddenly a lot nicer to him. The brothers would crowd him often, squeezing onto his bed, opening doors, offering food and checking in with his report. And strangely, Lucifer found that he didn’t mind. Which is weird considering that he would actually blast people who invade his privacy off the face of the Devildom. The last straw came when a light touch from Mammon sent a delighted shiver up his spine. 

“You smell good, Lucy. Are you wearing a new perfume?” Mammon sniffed at him. 

Lucifer bit the inner part of his cheek, and truly, he must be going mad. He quickly muttered some excuse about a gift from Diavolo, before bolting like a bat out of hell towards Diavolo’s castle. 

He opened Diavolo’s study with a bang, panicked. Here, the smell was a lot stronger, sandalwood and musk. Lucifer found himself seemingly sedated. 

“Yes, Lucifer? I would appreciate it if you’d knock next time.” Diavolo was looking down at the books on his table, idly twirling his pen. 

“I- Lord Diavolo, I am-” Lucifer breathed out, his body automatically bringing him to the front of Diavolo’s desk. He reached out towards Diavolo unconsciously. 

Diavolo looked up then, concern on his face before recognition lighted up in his eyes. “Wow, I thought- This is incredible.” A laugh bubbled out of Diavolo, before it died down abruptly. His eyes were fixated on Lucifer’s fingers, which were tugging at his collar. 

“What’s happening?” Lucifer felt immensely hot. He was starting to feel less like himself, and he felt the ground pull away from his feet when he was caught by a pair of arms. 

Said arms guided him towards the adjourning bedroom, depositing him on a large, comfortable bed. There, Lucifer sighed, shifting his face into the pillow, inhaling more of that wonderful scent that was fogging up his head. 

“It’s hot.” Lucifer mumbled out, fingers slowly unbuttoning his jacket. He shrugged it off, threw it on the ground before moving onto his undershirt. 

A hand stopped him then, and Diavolo’s voice floated through the haze, “Luci-, …. heat. ... get the physician. Stop …. your clothes.” 

“But why? It’s so hot, I need to get my clothes off.” 

Lucifer squinted at Diavolo, who was pinching his nose, looking incredibly frustrated.  Diavolo made a choked sound as more of Lucifer’s skin was revealed. Milky, unmarred, gorgeous. It made the animal in him want to bite down and mark. Diavolo stood and stared, but was finally spurred into action when Lucifer began unbuckling his own belt. 

Five seconds later, Lucifer was doused in cold water. He sat straight up, teeth chattering, ready to inflict pain on the idiot who decided throwing a pail of subfreezing water at him was a good idea. His eyes landed on Diavolo, who stood at the far corner of the room, holding a pail. 

“Lord Diavolo, what on earth?” Lucifer sputtered, spitting water out of his mouth. He made a move to get up, but felt incredibly woozy. 

“Stay there, Lucifer. I’ll get the physician.” Diavolo slowly walked towards him, like he was approaching a wounded animal. Lucifer reached out for him reflexively, surprising himself. 

“I’m not-” Lucifer started to feel a brain fog coming on once again from the smell emanating from Diavolo, and he wanted to get up and run back to the House of Lamentation, away from his instincts that he wants and needs to be closer to this man.  

“Stay.” Golden eyes bored over his, authoritative, but also strangely comforting at the same time. Lucifer felt compelled to listen, and so he nestled himself back into the bed, away from the wet side.

“Good.” Diavolo purred his praise, and Lucifer felt heat pool in his core once more. He nodded his assent, and Diavolo left the room, not before locking it with a spell. 

The following few hours with the physician once they have returned once was a crash course in demon physiology. After a dosage of suppressants to inhibit Lucifer’s heat, the physician began explaining the dynamics. Demons don’t just pop out of nowhere or simply from thoughts, they have to reproduce to continue their lineage. And so like the animal kingdom, they had the alphas, betas and omegas. And it seemed like Lucifer had won the lottery for the shittiest luck, for he was an omega. His brothers were all assumed to be alphas, and their pheromones smelled good to an omega in heat. They were also susceptible to an omega’s heat, which was also why the brothers have decided to become unnecessary intruders into Lucifer’s personal space. An omega’s heat was a mating call, signifying that Lucifer was ready to take on a mate. 

It had to be divine punishment, Lucifer thought bitterly, as his eyes flitted over to Diavolo. 

“Why did you not tell me?” Lucifer spun on Diavolo the moment the physician left, leaving behind a pile of needles and bottled suppressants. 

Diavolo held both his hands up, “I thought you knew about this. Truly. And I also thought that you were either an alpha or a beta, seeming as how it has been about a thousand years and there were no signs from you.”

Lucifer breathed out slowly, and for the first time in a long time, fighting the urge to cry. “This must be Father’s punishment. A disgraced, fallen angel, a shameful omega. He must be laughing now.” 

A gentle, comforting hand landed on both his shoulders, and Lucifer couldn’t even be bothered to shrug it off as he would usually do. 

“Hey, look at me, lightbearer.” Diavolo’s voice was soft. Despite Lucifer’s constant reminder to stop calling him that, Diavolo has never stopped in the past years. 

Lucifer reluctantly dragged his eyes up to Diavolo’s, and was met with unwavering gentleness. 

“Omegas are not shameful. In my kingdom, omegas are to be celebrated. They are beautiful and strong, and as much a fighter as the next alpha or beta.” 

To his horror, Lucifer felt tears springing to his eyes. He averted his gaze from Diavolo, ashamed. His pride was still wounded, so very sore. 

“If you would like, I can help you with your next heat.” 

“Don’t pity me, Diavolo. That’s not your style.” Lucifer’s words were sharp, cutting through like knives. Niceties and titles be damned. He wiped angrily at the sides of his eyes. He was not in the mood. 

“Yes, you know me, so you know my style too. This is not an act of pity.” Diavolo spoke, his eyes earnest. 

Lucifer stared at him. 

“It is difficult, for an omega to go through their heats without partners.” Diavolo started hesitantly. “It is dangerous too, if you are caught by other unwanted alphas.” 

Lucifer suddenly had a flash of being bitten by other demons in the realm, or worse still, one of his brothers. 

“Diavolo, I-” 

“But, if it is your wish to spend your heat alone, I respect your decision. I can have a safehouse set up far away from the kingdom, where you can be safe throughout the entirety of your heat.” 

Lucifer chewed on his lips uncharacteristically. “Let me think about it. I will let you know.” 

“Take as much time as you need.” Diavolo replied. 

Lucifer started gathering his suppressants, slipping them into his newly pressed jacket. He was almost out of the door when he paused. “Lord Diavolo? Can I ask for a favour?”

“Yes?”

“Please do not tell my brothers. I do not want them to needlessly worry.” The other unspoken reason was that Lucifer felt shamed, which was baffling to Diavolo. 

But he acquiesced anyway.

From then onwards, there was a new steel in Lucifer’s spine. He became hard, harder and stricter than necessary with his brothers and others. When the school was set up, he studied and worked harder than the others, giving himself more responsibilities and opportunities to learn and grow his powers. He still conversed with Diavolo often, however at times a little more subdued when Diavolo had trouble tamping down his alpha instincts around him. It was torturous for Diavolo, all the memory of milky skin coming unbridled to mind each time he passed Lucifer by. 

To others, Lucifer was untouchable, smart, beautiful, incredibly strong and powerful. 

To Diavolo, he was still all that above, but he knew the soft side of Lucifer, the vulnerable part that he was desperately compensating for. He also knew that Lucifer really felt that Diavolo’s offer was plainly out of pity, which was why he has been enduring his heats alone in a safehouse on the outskirts of Devildom for the past hundreds of years. 

Diavolo has also been unceremoniously been checking in with the physician, it was unethical, but hey, he’s the future demon king, he’s got rights to check in on his subordinate. The physician had reported that Lucifer’s suppressants dosage was bordering on dangerously high, and with the intensity of his heats, he had better take a mate soon or there may be unthinkable consequences. 

Which was why it was just a matter of time, Diavolo thought, that Lucifer would drop him a message. And that day came sooner than Diavolo expected. 

Lord Diavolo, if you are available for the next three weeks, I would be grateful if you can spend the time with me at the safehouse. 

Grinning wildly to himself, Diavolo sent a reply faster than the speed of light. It is time to finally show Lucifer himself the joys of being an omega, and how much he’ll spoil him for the days to come. 













Notes:

So. I see Lucifer and Diavolo, and I have decided that I will ship them to death.

This was originally supposed to be an abo heat fic, but somehow grew a backstory for Lucifer's angst : -))))

And honestly I can't figure out the timeline in the game so I guess my timeline would also be.. ??? Hahaha. I also obviously can't keep to a consistent form of speaking style for them so...

I am still in the midst of writing out the heat scene, I promise we will see a lot of explicit content soon!!!

So please bear with me and leave me a comment if you like it! I love receiving your thoughts.

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