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He likes to dream. Ian is a dreamer, he can’t help it, really. He likes to dream, he likes to see unbelievable things, he likes to see people reaching their goals, he’s the kind of guy who is happy when other people are happy. Other people’s happiness makes him happy. He’s a simple guy like that. Ian has dreams too. His main one is to go to West Point. Because he’s a patriot, he loves his country who is a mother for him (and his mother is kind of crazy and never here so his mother-country is the only mother he really knows). But he has other dreams, dreams he keeps secret, locked tightly in his heart. Dreams like finding a boy, a boy who would love him, a boy who would make him dream, a boy who would be extraordinary, who would make him laugh, who would put sparks in his eyes. But he’s just Ian Gallagher from the South Side and he doubts that this dream will become true.
He’s a dreamer, that is true but he knows how to be realistic. He knows that he will be in the army, that he will go in West Point, that he can achieve. Because it only relies on his abilities, on him. But this idea of his happiness depending of someone else is frightening and he can’t make someone love him. He knows it’s insane the way he loves, he knows he loves too much, too hard. His love bruises, people chokes on it, makes them run – like his mum, like his dad (or uncle ? whatever).
But then, then he sees a boy who flies, who looks like a shooting star, all white and black. He sees piercing blue eyes on a fire board. And Ian trips with a smile, falls in a hole and he’s not even afraid to hit the bottom because he knows a shooting star will hold him and will fly him to the sky (or at least, he hopes).
He’s walking the streets, his hands buried in his pockets as the summer sun beats on the nape of his neck. He knows that the freckles on his face are even more present now that a light sunburn colors his cheeks. He knows that his hair is a bright red as the sunrays pass through it. A friend at school told him about that skate park thing and that he should come and that it would be fun. Linda had called and told him that he shouldn’t come today. So Ian has his afternoon free and he thinks, why not ? Because, really, there’s so much of listening to Lip cry over Karen Fucking Jackson he can take.
Ian looks around, trying to see if those two guys are there when he sees him. The shooting star. It’s like the board is made for the boy, like it’s stuck to his feet, like they’re one entity. But then, he jumps and the board flies and turns and it’s soon under his feet like nothing happen, the boy’s expression is one of concentration and of boredom. He’s so free, a freedom Ian never knew he was craving. The boy isn’t that tall, he’s a bit small but you can see, you can just see how strong he is, how tough. The more he drinks in the sight of the boy’s appearance, the more sparks light in his eyes. He catches a glimpse of tattooed knuckles but can’t see what it is and he’s even more curious and he wants to see more, to know more. And there’s a new hunger in the pit of his stomach.
Walking toward the asphalt that is a bit under the shadows, his eyes can’t leave the boy. The boy flies effortlessly, the boy flies, his wings spreading without a sweat rolling down the side of his face. He’s beautiful, wonderful, he’s brightening all Ian’s world and he prays that maybe all his locked dreams will become true.
He comes every day, sometimes, it’s for a second, just before work, sometimes it’s for hours. Sometimes, his forehead creases in worry because the boy isn’t here and he wonders if something happened to him. This is the Southside of Chicago, anything can happen and a bullet can so easily get lost and end up in someone’s brain. He tries to forget the weight in the pit of his stomach when the boy isn’t here. He’s not that taken by the guy (even though it feels like he’s the one hurting when the boy falls).
Mandy Milkovich. He has seen her around, he has seen her clap for the boy, has seen them together and it has been such a stab through his heart. What if that guy is her boyfriend ? Though they weirdly look the same. But he heard about the Milkovich brothers and he's pretty sure he never heard about one of them being a flying star. The one who could be that age is the younger one, one or two years older than Mandy. He doesn't remember his name, he just knows that he's smarter than other people give him credit for, that he's violent and hot-blooded, that he's bad news and that you shouldn't get on his bad side. The guy he's looking at right now, is graceful, talented and artistic. It can't be Mandy's brother, it can't be a ruthless thug. It can't. But Mandy is smiling at the guy as he slowly skates toward her and then, then it's like the sun is rising as the corners of the boy's mouth do subtlety. It's Ian's favorite sight, it's beautiful and no, no, that smile can't belong to a thug, gay basher. He obverses them from his spot from the shadows but it hurts a bit to see them laugh, bicker before sharing beers and joints (and it has nothing to do with him wanting to be in Mandy's place).
The boy falls. It happens, he’s not perfect. But usually, he gets back on his feet pretty quickly with a scowl on his face and in those moments, in those moments it makes Ian see that he’s flawed. He’s still a wonderful boy but he’s flawed and maybe he can be a thug and a shooting star. But the boy is still lying on the ground, a hand on his stomach and Ian is on his feet before he even thinks about it. He’s so, so worried that it makes his stomach twist and he feels like throwing up. He’s kneeling down, his face hovering over the boy’s face and his face is so so beautiful under the shadow, his skin so place with little, nearly invisible freckles doting it. But he has no time to admire him because he furrows his brows and Ian is stuck by lightning as those two beautiful blue eyes look at him.
“Are you okay ?”
And he’s so relieved that his voice isn’t shaking from nervousness or excitement.
“The fuck you want ?”
His voice is rough, a bit low and he’s talking to him. And maybe Ian has never been shy when it comes to talking to the guy but he’s more used to old men than to wonderful boys and this one is scary somehow. But Ian likes a good challenge and talking to this boy sure is one. The voice is angry, the words menacing but those blue eyes are still the clearest thing he has ever seen. The guy sits up and he keeps glaring but really, it does nothing to diminish the redhead’s smile.
“I saw you fall, I didn’t see you move so I wanted to see if you were ok.”
The guy raises both eyebrows and Ian wonders how he can express so much with just movements. He also wonders if maybe, he should pay more attention to his expressions than to his words. His face is comical, the way are you serious ? is written on the guy’s forehead. It makes him smile, nearly splitting his face in two.
“I’m fucking okay, now go fuck yourself.”
“I’m glad, you’re good at that skateboard stuff. I come here to see you do stuff.”
Holy shit, that came out all wrong. The boy is looking at him like girls usually look at perverts or creeps and Ian wants to bash his head in the asphalt so hard. Why ? Why did he have to open his big mouth ?
“I’m not some kind of creep, I swear, it’s just that, I can’t do stuff like that and it looks so cool so I just look at you doing the stuff. But I’m not a creep or whatever, I swear,” he rambles, raising his hands defensively,” you’re just super good and I wish I was like you. But I can’t break any bones so I don’t want to try but I just w-“
“Can you shut the fuck up ?”
Ian nods, he nods because the guy didn’t ask him to leave, he just asked him to shut up. And maybe he can do that, maybe he can just enjoy being close to that guy he’s been ogling for weeks now. It’s quite sad actually when he comes to think about it. The other lights a smoke and Ian thinks that yes, he’s a wonderful boy and yes, he’s flawed but he’s a flawed wonderful boy and maybe it’s enough.
“I’m Ian.”
He glances at him, his eyebrows shooting up as he scoffs before he looks back at the ground. His face, his freaking face. Really, Ian looks at that face and it’s like, it’s like a painting of something beautiful, so expressive. But he can see that he really does annoy the boy and maybe, maybe it’s enough that they talked. At least for today, he thinks as he stands up.
“I’ll let you do your thing,” he smiles, waving a bit awkwardly before walking away.
He walks back to his spot, his hands buried in his pocket before he sits. It’s under a tree, it’s under the shadow and it’s the perfect spot to watch the boy stubbornly try that trick. Again and again. He falls and falls and Ian’s knees itch as do his palms and elbows. It’s the boy who falls and it’s him who's hurting. But whatever. It’s quite cool to see him do better and better each time he gets back on the skate. Then, legs are blocking his view and he looks up in annoyance at the person before smiling.
“Hey Mandy.”
She smirks and sits down next to him.
“How are you, Ian ? Didn’t see you much since you saved my ass from that pervert in History.”
He chuckles at the memory, he just can’t stand the way that old man leers at Mandy all the time. Well, he’s not exactly the best person to talk about old men but he’s not uncomfortable with banging old men, he’s uncomfortable with old perverted men who are openly pervert in public. Or whatever.
“He deserves it, he’s a fucking creep.”
Mandy has a secret smile on her lips as she looks at him and slowly she shakes her head smiling before diverting her eyes back to the boy. The boy he is watching and staring at. Suddenly, the boy does the trick and it’s magnificent and perfect and Ian just knows that it must have been very difficult to master and Mandy cheers next to him, screaming and clapping. And Ian is startled when the boy looks toward them, pride tugging his lips into a smile. Their eyes meet briefly before he’s looking at Mandy and then, he skates toward them and Ian can’t help but imagine that he’s only skating to see him.
“Yo douchebag,” he smirks, coming to a stop, totaling ignoring him. But Ian can’t help but smile because the guy is a thug. But you can see that he really does love Mandy and even though it saddens him a bit, he can’t help but smile.
“Assface,” glares Mandy before looking at him. “That’s my idiot of a brother, Mickey,” she says.
And Ian wants to explode in happiness. Mickey. That’s the guy’s name and he knows, he just knows his face is split in two by his wide smile but he knows the boy’s name and he’s not just a boy anymore, he’s Mickey. Mandy’s brother. Which means that they’re not together but which also means that he must be the ruthless thug who is bad news.
“Oh, what the fuck Mandy ?” he snarls as she throws a Snickers bar in his face.
He can’t tear his eyes away from Mickey (he still can’t believe he knows his name and man, the number of stuff he learns today) and he just looks at the guy speaking and breathing. Basically. He doesn’t even notice the amused looks Mandy throws at him.
“The fuck you looking at ?” he asks, allowing Ian to see him chewing on the candy bar.
It should be disgusting, it really should be disgusting. But really, he doesn’t give a shit, his eyes leave Mickey’s face, trailing down, taking into his body quickly before he spots something trailing down his arm. Blood.
“You’re bleeding.”
Mickey scoffs, rolling his eyes like it doesn’t matter. Like he has seen worse. And with everything Ian heard about him, he’s not surprised.
“Hi Mickey.”
“You can’t take a fucking hint, Firecrotch ?”
He frowns, the nickname not really having any sense before a tiny smirk, tiny smile, happy smile breaks his face in two. Maybe he would be even more than friend with Mickey (and okay, it’s only the second time he talks to the guy but a boy can hope, right ?).
“I’m just saying hi, Mickey.”
He grins as the boy flips him off before rolling away. Ian shrugs it off, it’s only how Mickey is and Ian isn’t worried. Because the boy could have easily punched him but he flipped him off so that's ok. The boy is all bark for now but there’s no bite, no bite at all. So he watches Mickey roll away from him and goes to sit on the grass.
Mickey keeps falling and Ian likes to think that maybe it’s because of him, because he’s watching him and now, the boy is aware of it.
He has been there for a week or two (okay, maybe he has counted the days, maybe it’s been ten days since he first talked to Mickey but he can’t say that because he’s not that much of a sap) and Mickey just skated toward him and is now standing in front of him, making Ian tilt his head up as he wipes some sweat off his forehead.
“You wanna get an ice cream ?”
He knows that the black-haired boy shrugging is his way for agreeing so he stands up and starts walking, his hands in his pockets. They don’t talk much, sometimes, Ian likes to just enjoy the fact that he’s hanging out with his wonderful boy and that it’s willingly on the other boy’s part. They buy ice creams though it’s Ian who pays because in his mind, this is kind of a date. Ian takes mint and chocolate while Mickey takes chocolate and caramel. He has learnt by now that the black-haired boy has a sweet tooth.
They’re making their way toward the El, Ian walking as Mickey rolls slowly next to him. They’re sitting under the El, their eyes going up everytime the El rolls. He’s not really giving attention to it though, he’s too focused on Mickey and the way he eats that ice cream. The boy is eating slowly like he’s tasting the stuff, like he’s enjoying the taste. It’s kind of incredible the way he looks like a five year old – he even eats messily like them, a drop of ice cream rolling down from the corner of his mouth to his chin. It brings Ian’s eyes to that mouth and Ian’s tongue darts out as he thinks about kissing it. He catches then the way Mickey licks his lower lip, like he’s hungry for something, something else than that ice cream. And he can’t help but hope that maybe he’s hungry for Ian. He raises both eyebrows, asking silently to Mickey if he wants to say what he wants, that maybe if he speaks, Ian will give him what he wants.
“It’s like you’re wishing you’re sucking a fucking dick, man.”
He wants to smile, wants to say that he was thinking about Mickey’s dick but only finds himself shrugging.
“Why ? You offering ?”
He’s a bit surprised at his own forwardness, never thought that he would be like that with Mickey. Sure, he likes to go after what he wants and actually wants the black-haired boy but he thought that Mickey would never react well at forwardness. He would think about Mickey hitting him right in the face and rolling away angrily. But he’s even more surprised when the answer is a nod. And a nod is a like a hell yeah when it comes Mickey. It makes him smile so much (he wonders if Mickey knows how much he makes him smile). He doesn’t the black-haired boy to run away so he quickly flies in action, his hand going to the boy’s zipper and he can’t help but licks hungrily his lips as he catches sight of Mickey’s cock. That’s what he had wanted since the day he caught sight of him.
He’s careful to lick one more time his ice cream, he knows how good it feels when a not-so-warm mouth closes around a cock. Then, he swallows Mickey and as he looks up, he watches Mickey’s close eyes, the way his mouth is open and he becomes more eager to please him, to make him happy. His wonderful boy is a whimpering mess under his mouth and he likes those sounds, he memorizes them. He wants to know how Mickey likes it, how he likes the way his tongue dance, the way he sucks, the way he deepthroats him. He wants to know it all because he will make sure it happens again. Mickey comes with a strangled noise and Ian swallows, licking the corner of his mouth before sitting again, eating his ice cream. He wants to press his mouth against Mickey’s but he knows the other guy won’t appreciate. So he plays it cool or at least, he tries to. He watches with a small grin as Mickey shakes his hand, the ice cream he has crushed dripping from it. Ian’s pants are already tight from the blowjob he gave but now that Mickey is licking his hand. Those rosy lips are closed around his fingers, sucking them dutifully as he scowls. And damn, Ian is so going to think about that when he’ll get rid of his erection in the shower. He finishes his ice cream in silence, his stomach twisting as he worries that maybe Mickey will run soon. But for now, he’s next to him, silent as his fingers run on the board.
”Wanna go back to the skatepark ?” he asks as soon as he has eaten his ice cream.
He watches the way Mickey looks at him from the corner of his eyes as he’s apparently worrying the inside of his cheek. It feels like all Ian’s life led him to that moment. But then, Mickey agrees and Ian is quick to his feet, afraid that the black-haired boy will change his mind. They walk for a moment, still silent.
“You would let me on the board ?” asks Ian with his hands in his pockets, looking at Mickey with a hopeful expression.
The only answer is a shrug as blue eyes meet his.
“Thought you didn’t want to break nothing ?”
Mickey remembers. He remembers what Ian said about ROTC, Mickey remembers and it means that, in his own way, Mickey cares. He’s smiling now but he has never smiled like that before, it’s now wide or crazy, it’s simple and loving and he can’t help but shrug as he speaks next.
“You won’t let me break anything.”
Then, they walk as Mickey goes silent and he knows that he made him speechless and it’s all the best. He sees it in the cracks, he sees it clearly, simply, Mickey cares and Ian has never expected that much. He watches with an affectionate smile the way his wonderful boy’s face lights up when he spots Mandy. And yeah, Ian is happy and Mickey cares. Because Ian fall so long ago and he has always hoped that Mickey would catch him but he never thought it would actually happen. But Mickey is catching him, Mickey is flying him to the stars.
Mickey goes to juvie. Harsh words are whispered and somehow, it's all Ian's fault though it's not really. But Mickey is in juvie and there's no shooting star at the skatepark anymore. Mandy comes though and he does too and they talk. She's pretty, Mandy, beautiful. She's a bit like Mickey and sometimes, he wishes he’s in love with her. But Ian loves a wonderful flawed boy and maybe it's for the best. Because they had a month together before Mickey got shot in the thigh at Ian’s work by Kash. Stupid Kash. They had been in the middle of an argument, Mickey throwing harsh words at him, you’re nothing but a warm mouth to me, and then Kash had shot him. But they had sex, tons of it and it was so good. Mickey makes Ian feel alive, makes each heartbeat count and each second feel like forever. So Ian waits and hopes that, maybe, Mickey will come back.
They don’t plan it. Ian goes to the skatepark on a Tuesday night and Mickey is here, laying on the ground (the spot they met and Ian tries not to read anything in it but damn, it's their spot). They don't say a word, Ian laying next to Mickey, turning his head to look at the wonderful boy. And he didn't change, he's still beautiful and rough, harsh and perfect. And it’s like Ian is seeing again because he has seen a shooting star which has illuminated his life and once it has disappeared, he has found himself in the dark. But now, the shooting star is back and the sun is shining and all the colors are so brighter.
Ian wants to kiss him. So bad. It's in the way Mickey digs his teeth in lower lip, play with it. But Mickey said no - kiss me and I'll cut your fucking tongue out (Ian didn't say it could just be lips against lips, he's not complicated). Blue eyes are now meeting his and he nearly gasps when he sees it - does he get that look in his eyes when he's with you ? because Mickey has it and Ian presses their lips together.
And he's pretty sure that he can taste a hint of chocolate and caramel on the tip of his wonderful boy's tongue.