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Have you ever bounced a basketball on snails after the rain has cleared? The slow, intrusive little creatures that invaded the basketball court, getting squished to oblivion with each and every satisfying crunch as their shells cracked. At the end of the day, you could glance across the court, their entrails splattered in artistic, asymmetrical patterns that spanned as far and wide. Your masterpiece, displaying their short and transient lives.
Have you ever ripped the wings off of insects, the legs off spiders, chopped worms up, just to watch them writhe and struggle to live? You would feel so powerful. Their pathetic fates laid in your hands, and no matter how hard they fought, they could never go against your whims to end their lives. So utterly futile. The way they fought despite the inevitable end was so inspiring and beautiful , you would never get sick of watching the spectacle.
Kiriwo had always thought he was a normal man with normal pleasures. It came so simply to him, a basal instinct that stirred from his soul, clenching his heart in such a satisfying way that made him feel alive. It wasn’t simply a whim to destroy, to torture. No, there was something else at play.
The strongest emotion that a human being could feel was soul-crushing despair. There was something so beautiful about it, the way a person’s expression could contort to seem so unlike themselves, to be so strongly and bitterly affected by something out of their control, weak and helpless at someone else’s mercy. The moment when all fight ceased, when horror seeped out of every pore of their body at their inability to change fate, when they admitted defeat with every cell in their body... that moment was the most exhilarating for Kiriwo.
Ahh, he could spend the whole day fantasizing about it.
Human beings were so weak, so fragile, so easy to break. And yet it never got old. Their faces, their slumped posture, their tears, their slack jaws, the sight was so mesmerizing, beyond the realms of insects and animals when faced with despair. Human beings were his favourite, so lovable and adorable and so terribly, terribly trusting.
It was so intricate and complex, the way despair was formed, out of helplessness, of anger, of fear, of defeat, such a beautiful blend of emotions that meshed so well together like a well-brewed tea that Kiriwo was absolutely enchanted with. Despair overwhelmed human beings, made them unable to cope, unable to function, unable to do anything but sit and feel utterly wretched at their inescapable fate.
But when witnessing despair, Kiriwo was overwhelmed in a different way.
His heart with throb with a delightful intensity, his blood would flow rapidly, his eyes would widen, his lips would curl, and oh, how his hands clenched, how his body shook, wracked with pleasurable tremors. It was insanely exciting. It was a drug, an addiction, and he would spare no effort to experience it, no longer how much groundwork he had to lay.
Aah, he knows how messed up he is but...
The despair of others was his sole reason for living.
“You caught me. I’m the mole.”
Kiriwo smiled in anticipation, vibrating in his boots.
In front of him stood Suzuki Iruma, a fellow policeman, his adorable, meek, pushover of a junior who he took under his wing at the police jurisdiction. He had been sowing this seed for years, carefully nurturing Iruma with care and love, helping him, giving him advice, being the reliable policeman that Iruma looked up to and aspired to be.
That way, the betrayal would cut all the more deep.
“I don’t understand, senpai. Why?” Iruma’s aim did not falter as he held the gun, pointed directly at Kiriwo’s anticipating heart. His expression was confused.
That was a good face… but it didn’t quite do it for Kiriwo. Perhaps Iruma had yet to process the situation. Maybe explaining himself would help Iruma understand.
Kiriwo hummed, wondering how to explain something that came as easy as breathing to him.
“Isn’t it funny, watching humans scramble around in a frenzy, like ants escaping a drowned anthill? The fragile peace that our society is built on is so easily shattered and thrown into chaos. It’s it amusing? The way people pretend to be otherwise when they’re just like insects? ”
Iruma lowered his face, bangs covering his eyes. Aah, the waves of anger radiating off Suzuki Iruma were delicious.
“People are so gullible, easily believing anything you say, only to regret their own stupidity… Their face of despair when they watch everything fall to ruin, when everything they’ve ever done is useless... It’s beautiful. Ah, I wonder what face they will make when they realize that even the police can’t keep them safe? I wonder what face our colleagues will make when they realize I’m with the terrorists?”
Get swallowed up by disappointment…
“I’ve been leaking confidential data for the longest time, right under everyone’s noses, and they were none the wiser!”
Be overwhelmed by hate and agony…
“It’s okay Iruma, you can hate me all you want! So please, show me your face, filled with despair!”
...
Why?
Why was Iruma looking at him with bright eyes, determined and full of hope?
“I’m… I’m going to blow everything up, you know? This place that you treasure… the entire Tokyo, thousands of people will die, your friends, your family…”
Iruma never wavered.
“W-why aren’t you falling into despair from all that I’ve told you?”
Kiriwo pressed the button in his hands. The bomb started rapidly ticking down. This would do the trick. Surely, the time pressure and impending threat of death would cause Iruma to despair in agony, with the weight of the lives of everyone in his hands.
“At this rate, both of us will be blown up within a minute, along with the entire building. If you cut the red wire, the bomb will stop. But you can’t believe me, can you? Not the one who betrayed you after all these months of working toge-”
Iruma stepped forward without a single trace of hesitation.
Snip .
Iruma stood firmly in place, the bomb in hand, the red wire cut. He smiled softly.
“Nothing good comes out of despair. I’ve been through a lot since I was born… so I’m used to it. Despairing won’t change the situation. I have to take action myself. I’ve always spent my entire life avoiding danger, hoping for things to get better. But ever since I joined this police district, I’ve learned to challenge myself, to be part of the change.”
Iruma pointed his gun at Kiriwo.
“So senpai, even if you’re evil, I won’t run away. I won’t despair! I’m going to shatter your ambition and put an end to your plans!”
He won’t… despair?
Does such a person actually exist?
“Surrender, senpai.”
But… how? How could it end like this? He had everything set up so flawlessly. How dare Iruma destroy everything he worked so hard for? Why did Iruma not hesitate at all? Didn’t he even think about what would’ve happened if Kiriwo was lying? What a ridiculous, unbelievable idiot.
BAM!
The door was kicked down, and policemen flooded into the room.
His bewildered, disappointed, and despairing face reflected across the multiple police visors and shields.
“Amy Kiriwo, you are now under arrest!”
Was Iruma just buying time the whole time?
“You really got me, Iruma,” Kiriwo sighed, smiling wryly. “You’ve always been exceeding my expectations. I’ve worked so hard the past few years, staying in hiding while in plain sight, detonating bomb after bomb across Tokyo… all for this day, to see everyone’s faces in despair when even the Prime Minister’s office gets blown up. But you realized my plan and followed me.”
He was cuffed and jostled unceremoniously. The expressions of their colleagues were so full of disgust, betrayal and confusion. His heart skipped a beat. Aah, this was exactly what he worked so hard for.
As he was led out of the room, he threw a glance back at Iruma.
In that moment when his world, when everything he worked hard for came crashing down… his own face of despair hadn’t looked bad at all.
“Let’s play again next time, Iruma.”