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Rideaux likes to tease him. Little brother this, little brother that, he taunts. Can't you think about anything else? I doubt he cares anywhere near as much as you do.
It makes Julius' blood boil but he takes it out on the alternate dimensions, destroys them one by one. They crash into hundreds of pieces and Julius pretends they're Rideaux's words.
Rideaux, there's one thing I'm sure of: I'll keep him away from you.
Meanwhile, Ludger sits and wonders when Julius will come home.
---
Julius gets strawberry and Ludger gets vanilla (and a tiny bite of each for Rollo) but they just end up laughing like little kids as they share. When Ludger is finished, he leans his head on Julius' shoulder and beams up at him with so much adoration Julius just might burst.
There's a fleeting thought that Ludger probably tastes something like vanilla; that Julius wants to lick into his mouth and discover it for himself. After that, he isn't able to return Ludger's smile anymore.
---
In this dimension, Ludger isn't his brother. He still cooks for him; he comes over for supper every night. Rollo wanders back and forth between apartments. They live right across the hall from each other, and they both have keys. Their landlord wonders why they don't just move in together already. You practically live together anyway, she laughs.
They're in a committed relationship, Julius realizes. When he meets the alternate Ludger, Ludger greets him with a chaste kiss and a smile, that Ludger smile, that same smile that Julius sees every day in his dimension.
He has to be careful not to call him brother. So, so careful. He almost cries. Ludger is the catalyst and this is it, this is the worst one yet, the worst.
Ludger asks what he's doing. His pupils are blown with confusion and fear. Julius, let's talk this out, he begs. Julius. Julius. Julius. Please. Please, I love--
Julius stabs him and crumples to the ground in a heap as the false world around him blurs.
---
"Hold my hand," Julius begs, crumbling, and Ludger does.
---
There's one evening Ludger peers into Julius' room, and Julius is trembling, head in his hands. His breathing is labored and frenzied, his glasses askew.
He's having a panic attack, Ludger realizes.
Ludger tentatively steps toward him and clasps his shoulder with a gentle hand, prompting Julius to look up, wild-eyed and frightened. Shh, it's alright, big brother, it's just me, Ludger murmurs with a tremulous smile. All Julius can do is nod.
Ludger crawls up onto the bed, presses the pads of his thumbs to the back of Julius' neck, and begins to work at the tension. He's never given a massage before; he doesn't know the proper techniques but Julius sighs and relaxes, melting into his touch.
He skims down his back and works at the knotted bundles of nerves with delicate hands, rolling a muscle back and forth. Julius isn't shaking anymore, he realizes, and instead he lulls his head back and sighs contentedly.
Ludger doesn't halt in his movements until Julius is practically sagging against him, the perfect picture of relaxation. He spins Julius around to face him, takes in the circles under Julius' eyes-- when did those get there? Is he getting enough sleep?
Julius, Ludger says, and Julius listens. You've always been the one to take care of me. So let me take care of you this time. I don't know what burden you're shouldering, but you don't have to shoulder it on your own. Let me help.
For a split second, right before Ludger pulls him into a gentle embrace and grabs a blanket to tuck him in, Ludger thinks that Julius looks impossibly and indescribably sad.
---
He strokes himself against the wall of the shower thinking about Ludger spreading his legs and begging him to keep going, don't stop, please, I need you. He thinks about Ludger's pretty pink lips wrapped around his dick, eager to please him. He thinks about returning the favor, about the cute sounds Ludger would make. Julius is always quiet, but Ludger would scream for him. He thinks about scissoring his fingers inside him and then replacing them with his cock and making Ludger sob with need. He thinks about Ludger twisting and turning and arching his back, his pale body pressed against Julius' tanned skin, Julius' name on his lips.
With a sharp jerk of his hips, Julius comes hard and fast. The water quickly washes the evidence away, and after another minute or two, he shuts it off.
He's sure to tell Ludger he made sure to save him enough hot water when he passes him in the hallway. Luder nods appreciatively and offers him an oblivious grin.
---
Julius, I need you.
Ludger's eyes are pleading.
Julius pretends he doesn't know what he means, but it's killing him.
Ludger, are you alright? Do you have a fever? I'm not going anywhere. You know that, right? I'd never leave you.
Julius presses a hand to Ludger's forehead like he always does when he's worried. He's perfectly fine, though (and Julius knew that) and Ludger shakes his head, lips curving into a desperate frown.
Julius, he says again. I need you. Please. I need you.
---
He gives in when Ludger closes his eyes, tilts his head, and leans in like he wants something. He doesn't care anymore. With a somewhat pained Ludger, Julius crashes their lips together, Ludger stumbling backward and clutching his collar as he returns the kiss, immediately allowing Julius access to whatever he wants, parting his lips and letting him run his callused hands over every inch of him. They kiss and kiss and kiss and at some point they fall back onto the couch and Ludger chuckles like this is normal, like they're just exploring and it's okay. It's almost enough for Julius to believe it; to believe that this isn't horribly, horribly wrong.
He keeps kissing him. He presses his hips down against Ludger's with a hiss and Ludger rolls his hips up into his with a whisper of big brother that almost makes Julius want to come right then and there. Ludger is perfect. Ludger is all he wants and all he's ever wanted-- and he has him. They have each other. Julius prays that they always will.
He doesn't think he could possibly feel worse.
---
Do whatever you want to me. I'm yours.
---
His hips stutter as he rocks up and down, up and down, cries out Julius over and over again as he rides him and practically sobs with the feeling of being so amazingly full. For the most part, Julius is content to let Ludger do the work today; Julius is just looking up at him, looking up at his little brother grinding in his lap, his eyes dark and glazed over, glasses set aside. Ludger's pale skin is slick with sweat, the obscene slap of skin on skin filling the room, and Julius wonders if anyone can hear them. Everyone knows they live alone, everyone knows they're positively inseparable, what if-- what if--
Ludger cries out Julius' name again as he comes with Julius' fist wrapped around his dick, splattering over the muscles of both their stomachs. He pulls him up into a searing kiss, and Julius stops thinking about it.
---
Dear Julius,
I had to leave for work early, but I left you a tomato omelette. I'll make dinner when I get home. Lately I noticed that you haven't been eating much. We can't have that, so I'll be sure to make you all the tomatoes you want.
Remember that you can talk to me about anything.
Love,
Ludger