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It was not watching the rain clouds from your window seat that you dreaded, so much as the nervousness that tossed and turned in your stomach. You struggled with calming your ticks and began shaking your leg harshly. Honestly, you hated planes. The reason why you up and decided to go to Costa Rica was unknown to you besides the urge of wanting to run. God, you were cursing that urge in this very moment as the turbulence shook the plane once more.
Each bounce of your leg rattled the carry-on by your sneakers. Maybe you would try some deep breaths and backwards counting. You took a deep breath in. Holding the air that smelled of hibiscus within your quivering lungs, and shakily released it back out your nose. And again. You repeated this for what felt like an eternity.
There was no sane reason as to why you booked this flight in the first place. You must have been insane to willing submit yourself to this . Honestly, from where you sat in life, you could not tell which way was up and which was down from how quickly you spiraled. Everything seemed like those little specs your eyes believe are there when you have been staring at a ceiling light for too long—those phantom stars. At your age, it must have been your second coming of pubescent impulsivities.
You completely fell off the grid.
“Hey, you alright?”
Your whole body turned to face the man next to you. When you came on the plane, you recalled a handsome looking guy with freshly dyed red hair and pretty white teeth that flashed every time he spoke as his lips would blossom into a smile and his brown eyes glittered. He did strike up casual conversation, but as soon as the plane took off, you could have barely heard his voice over the pressure pounding in your eardrums.
Taking another breath, you shook your head. “Y-yeah. I think? Not sure. I just really... really hate planes.”
He gave a small frown and reached inside the bag between his feet “It’s not much, but the noise cancellation on these things are insane . I used to be nervous too. Of planes, I mean.” The red headed man began scrolling on his phone for something--you could not see the screen from where you sat, near the window.
“Ocean waves were always my favorite thing to listen to. Wanna give it a try?”
You blinked and felt some tension ease from your shoulders “Ah, thank you…?”
“Kihyun. Yoo Kihyun.”
“Thanks, Kihyun. I’m ____.”
“Try to get some sleep.” He smiled lightly and picked at the sandwich he had sitting on the tray.
You laughed a little at the tiny frown playing on his pink lips; he looked almost like a child. He was cute, you thought. Kihyun was very cute.
* * *
“____!” Your eyes shot open to the sound of crashing waves and a warm sensation racing down your leg, Kihyun—whose shirt was torn at the sleeves—stared down at you with sweat running down his brow.
Blinking slowly, you noticed the slur in your words as you spoke. “K-Kihyun? What happened? When did we get outside?”
He huffed and attempted to help you stand up. The motion brought on a wave of nausea and you let out a whine while the world spun around you. Kihyun grabbed on a little tighter to put you into a sitting position instead and frantically took off what was left of his shirt.
“Woah! W-What are you doing?”
“Not to freak you out, but your thigh is bleeding like crazy. I need to apply some pressure until I can find something better. Not really sure what. Maybe some twigs can help make a splint? Yeah probably. That should work. Still, we gotta find some dry land and it’s getting late, probably can’t build much.” He rambled on and on—more to himself than you at this point—you felt like you were in a movie.
You sighed and rested your hand atop his messy red hair.
“Oh...what’s up? You in pain?”
“What happened, Kihyun?”
Kihyun’s brown eyes shook a little as he took a seat next to you. It was the first time you noticed the broken pieces of metal and scattered clothing and suitcases everywhere. His presence next to you made you realize that no one else was around, but the two of you. And that made your stomach turn.
“...I wish I could make a joke somehow, you know, to lighten the mood, but in all honesty I don’t think I can. In all my years of flying...never have I…” he mumbled again, and brought his knees up to his chest. “We’re the only ones here, _____. I think...no one else made it.”
“H-How is that possible?”
“Lots of ways. Engine failure. Pilot fell asleep. Et cetera.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah,” Kihyun cleared his throat after that and stood up with a sigh, back facing the sun. “Again, I don’t want to worry you, but with that injury you got, we aren’t going to get much done tonight. Take it easy. I’ll find us some food.”
Your neck strained in a turn as you watched him disappear into the thick of forest ahead of you. Kihyun left you there with nothing but a throbbing pain in your thigh and your empty thoughts. You listened to the constant rolling of the waves, keeping a mental note of the possibility of the tide coming in soon. It was most likely mid-afternoon considering that your flight took off around 3:30 PM.
You tried desperately not to be pessimistic. It was your pessimism that made you want to take that flight anyway. Were you even near Costa Rica? Probably not. Where were you? Would help come? Would Kihyun make it back safe? Would your leg get better? What happens when night comes? How are you two getting home? Can you two get home?
Nonstop questions kept rolling through, one after another, and then you finally felt the hot tears racing down the curve of your cheeks. They were salty on your tongue as you sobbed from the fear of the unknown.
You wish Kihyun was here.
Gathering up your emotions in a big heap of a sigh, you started devising a game plan. You could cry later; although, you could really do with a nice cup of iced tea and a giant, salty bag of chips right now. Stress brings hunger and...that is something you absolutely should not be thinking about right now. You found a large, but thin, metal pole and slowly dragged yourself over to it.
“Okay,” you took a breath to settle your anxiety “on three…” Again, another breath—nice and even. You hoped this would not make the pain worse, mentally and physically.
“One...two!”
“H-Hey! What are you doing?!” Kihyun yelled from somewhere behind you. Instantly, your arms went slack and your energy suddenly gone. How embarrassing.
You chuckled awkwardly and pointed the metal rod at him as he stomped in front of you, “Haha, hi.”
“You...your form is so terrible! Are you trying to break it?”
“No?”
“No? ” He mimicked with a sneer and put down the loose bags of chips and packed sandwiches he gathered up in his tee-shirt-sling. “I’m gonna pull you up, and then you need to wrap your arms around my shoulders.”
“Like a hug?”
“Sure...? Ready?”
Kihyun huffed and suddenly you were wobbling on your good leg right into his chest. He smelt like sweat—salty and warm—and a slight scent of cinnamon that you assumed came from the remaining bits of his cologne. You tighten your arms around his neck and peered up at him under your lashes. His cheeks were almost as red as his hair; he laughed shyly and smiled.
Putting your head on his shoulder, you mumbled, “You drop me...I drop you.”
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
“I am not your sweetheart.”
Kihyun tightened his grip and held you bridal-style, walking with slow, cautious steps. “How about rosebud?”
“Ew,” you groaned “we’ll work on it.” He brought you over to the remaining cabin of the plane and panted lightly before going to retrieve your ‘walking stick’. Kihyun pointed the rounded side at you with a furrow in his brow and intense frown on his lips.
“Do not get up. I’m gonna go back out and see if I can find some spare clothes and blankets. You move, I thwack your big forehead.”
“Excuse me?”
He laughed and handed over your new cane, ruffling your hair, “Be good, rosebud.”
As he left, once again you found yourself shrouded in silence, but this time it was hollow and echoing in the empty cabin. Your seat was leaned back and you could not ignore the grumbling in your stomach. Opting for one of the sandwiches Kihyun brought back, you made a mental note to save him half. While you ate in silence, you realized that the sound of rolling ocean waves actually did calm your nerves a bit. Oddly enough, you found yourself at peace inside the darkened plane, with the seats squished together and the electrical wires hanging freely from the ceiling and the pieces of metal debris huddling around your feet and the quietness of you and the ocean and the sky and the beach and Kihyun.
And before long—the sun began to sink low into the horizon—Kihyun came trudging back with even more muck and sweat staining his skin, his arms wrapped right around a jacket and a loose tarp-like sheet. His chest swelled with each labored breath he took as he approached you with a small smile on his lips. Although, there was nothing more to say; you handed him the other half of the sandwich and rolled over in your makeshift ‘bed’. You listened to Kihyun’s slow chewing as he ate in silence, your heartbeat thumping from the sudden surge of anxiety you wanted to beat down with your cane. He settled in the seat beside you.
“...Night, _____” he whispered, weariness evident in his voice.
You took in a deep breath, praying that your voice did not waver “Yeah, Goodnight.”
When you arose the next morning, the cicadas sang loudly in your ears as your eyes tried to shake away the millions of shapes dancing in front of you. It was then that you noticed the jacket thrown over your shoulders; as black as the night sky with tiny tears and rips in the most random places. Kihyun was not next to you when you peered to your left. You could smell the salt from the ocean nearby and the burning of wood that made your stomach do flips for joy.
You took your time standing from the low chair, weight on the walking stick and battling down a groan when you leaned too much on the left leg. The sand beneath your feet made it hard to walk, but the thought of falling over did not scare you as much. Along the softened sand at the waterline, you saw Kihyun waist deep in the iridescent blue-green, droplets rolling along the length of his back and his red hair looking shades darker from the dampness. His shoulders strong, yet relaxed, rounding off in the gentlest way. Kihyun’s head was aimed for the sky, his eyes closed and looking so peaceful; it felt as though you were intervening on a private moment between him and Earth.
Shoulders rising with a large inhale, he slowly turned to face you with glossy eyes. Ones that looked as if they cried a thunderstorm and a half last night. His gaze was so painfully lonely and longing it made your throat tighten as you quickly averted that swirling pool of dark brown that drew you in and spit you out. And his small, plump lips that quivered before stretching in a solemn grin. Kihyun stared intently at you, unwavering, unrelenting, as he began a steady pace towards where you stood at the shoreline.
He mumbled a quick greeting and took a seat near the large fire he started. Kihyun kept a keen eye on the crackling of the wood and the floating red embers tangling up in the breeze. You sat across from him, and continued your silent observation. It was amusing, in a sense, how you began to count the ticks that stemmed from his awkwardness. He had played with the ends of his right ear at least five times now, and his bottom lip began looking red and raw from his gnawing.
“Did you, uh, sleep well?” He said, eyes focused on the flickering ember.
“As well as a crash survivor can. That being, not well.”
Six.
“Oh. Haha.”
Kihyun suddenly looked at you. Eyes shimmering in the light of the fire, and the soft light from the early dawn shadowing his body. You took in all of the shapes and contours of his face. The subtle parting of his lips, the strong nose bridge, and the sharpness of his eyelids and eyebrows all paired nicely with his milky complexion. You wondered, in that moment, what he would look like with a tan. The idea amused you and you could not help the soft giggle that bloomed past your lips. He scrunched his nose at that.
“What’s so funny?”
Lolling your head back to the sky, you let out another laugh that spoke more loudly than your words ever could. Kihyun sighed and let out a tiny chuckle of his own, mumbling something that you did not catch, but could not bring yourself to ponder. You felt comfort, somehow, in a situation that made your heart shatter a thousand times over; you forgot about it just for a little.
* * *
After breakfast, Kihyun began to search for survivors once more. He had promised you he would be back before noon—although, without a watch it was hard to tell when noon was exactly. You assured him you would be okay and started on sorting through luggage for clothes, your left leg throbbing in protest. Kihyun was small in both height and build so you guessed nothing bigger than a medium would be okay. You took your time folding neat piles of jeans and patterned button-ups along with the occasional underwear or two.
A feeling of lament sat uncomfortably at the base of your stomach as you unzipped a small pink duffle bag covered in stars. Inside was a pair of black flats and a matching shorts set, a brown teddy bear with a red bow laced around its neck and a locket that was the size of a cherry. There was a misty feeling that took over your eyes and you placed the bag on the side of your bed-chair, placing the locket around your neck for safe keeping. Part of you was scared to open it and see the faces of a stranger you never knew and the other part wanted to know who you were keeping alongside you.
You regretted searching through luggage; deeply wishing there was something else you could do to satiate your nervous ticks. Once again, the thoughts brewed in your mind with the absence of Kihyun. He was strange. It felt as though you had known him for a lifetime before placing his headphones over your ears. His actions seemed awkward, but knowing and comforting.
Reaching for your cane, you began taking some hops around the small ‘room’ of the barren plane. You hated not being able to help Kihyun search. You hated being alone and scared that your loneliness will last a lifetime. The least you could do was practice getting your leg back to some kind of strength.
It did not hurt as much as it did yesterday and if anything, you assumed you probably just cut the skin and strained your muscle subconsciously. You glanced down at the dried brown splotches on the shirt that was tied messily around your thigh. It was almost hysterical, in a sense, how quickly your world changed and now instead of wandering through the forests far away from the abundance of tourists, here you are limping around a cramped walkway. It was as though reality was not moving at the same speed as you, but rather trying to catch up with you instead.
And within the next slew of weeks, you and Kihyun fell into the routine of alternating scouting and cooking. Most meals were fish and some random vegetable root the two of you discovered during a midnight stroll. It grew right along the edge of the forest, where the sand was just now starting to peek through the thicket. You noticed the way his cheeks were thinning out, but his arms grew more muscular by the day. His face was not the clean shaven one you remembered and his red hair was now long and black at the roots. In a way, it made him seem softer, kinder and maybe a little more open with you. Often times, you would talk with one another until dawn.
Truth be told, you both had given up the idea of rescue. Maybe back home, back to the busy city life and back to noisy streets of concrete, back to the grey polluted skies and back to all the tall buildings that glittered with light through half-closed windows, there was a newscast that spoke of your name. And maybe your family and friends were praying for you to return to them one day. That thought played frequently in your mind as you wondered what you would have been doing if you were not overcome with the desire to move. If you were not overcome with the desire to experience life outside of the city. You and Kihyun did not talk about home that much. The two of you never once mentioned your past life—perhaps that was due to the busyness of your current state. If it was not for your late night talks, you would not have known that Kihyun’s favorite food was chicken, cooked anyway, or that he was born on the 22nd of November, putting him right at the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius, or that he dabbled a bit in singing and had a lovely voice when he thought you were asleep.
He frequently probed for information about you, but there was nothing much to say. Nothing of substance. Kihyun stopped questioning when he noticed your silence, but this night he noticed the locket that hung between your collarbones. It had become dull and tarnished from all the sweat at this point, but it’s shape was free of chips and scratches.
“Did you always have that?” He asked.
You shake your head, “No, I found it.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.
“What’s inside?”
His question made you uneasy. Not because of it, surely you were curious as well, but there was a fear of not wanting to disturb the contents inside. Maybe opening up this locket would make the photos fall and disappear into the wind. Or, maybe you broke the hinge when opening it. There was a lot you considered and a lot that you feared. Kihyun seemed to sense this and gave a small poke on your cheek.
“Hey, sweetheart. No need to frown. Let’s just leave it alone, okay?” He always knew how to calm your nerves.
You wished you helped him feel the same.
The crackling of the fire pit was comforting in the silence, waves rolling, and cicadas yelling loudly behind you. Over the past weeks, besides your bond, the two of you spent time building a nice tree house after your leg was mostly healed. It was small, but roomy enough that the two of you could lay flat without scrunching up besides one another. Kihyun made use of the scraps from the plane and built a nice roof for then the wind was especially rough. You used the old seats as a mattress, somehow figuring out a way to get them to lay flat. Between the two of your beds was a spare flashlight and the last of the snacks you gathered from weeks prior. It was not a picture perfect home, but rather the closest thing to it. You were content with it, with Kihyun.
Content with your home.
There were many nights the two of you spent bundled up and shivering from the rain soaking through your clothes. He would make fun of the sound your chattering teeth made and would throw you his blanket. Kihyun was always generous even when he would act as though he was annoyed by your presence, typically on the days where dinner was not as filling as the previous night. You hated those nights the most. He was often sulky and silent during those nights and though you have been spending days out in the wild, there was a fear of silence. When you can hear all of the chirping and rustling from the forest nearby and not know what or who was out there. He would always leave space on his mattress for you.
The next morning you were out scavenging for wild berries and mushrooms. It was Kihyun’s turn to cook dinner tonight and he was busy trying to catch whatever little fish came swimming along the shoreline.
Since there was nothing in particular that interested you besides the world that left you behind, you tended to hyper-fixate on what could have been had you talked yourself down from getting on that plane in the first place. It is not like you were particularly unhappy with your life. In fact, you had a decent job and you lived a decent life. Your friends were always there for you when you needed them to be and there was also food on the table. And yet, there was this desire to change something about that mundane life. You did the same thing every day, seven days a week; there was no stimulus. Perhaps that is why. You wanted something to force you out of your shell and to go out there and experience life outside of your small little city.
You made this decision unbeknownst to anyone who was close to you. There was the sudden vacation request you put in and the way you slowly began to stop cooking dinner and buying groceries all together, sold your car to save on gas because your plan was to save up as much as possible for about six months. If you had known that it would have led to this, would you have decided against it?
That was a question you truly could not answer.
You massaged the bruise that was still present on your thigh before getting up to help Kihyun fish around. As you approached him you could not help the chuckle that threatened to slip past your lips as his shirt hung loosely on his shoulder, soaked to the core, and his hair was matted down to his forehead from the salt water. He held two fishes carefully in his grasp, one in each hand, and threw you a cheeky grin.
“Hey!” he laughed wildly, “It’s gonna be a feast tonight, rosebud!”
You smiled “You look like a true castaway, my friend. What’s next? Coconut drinks?”
“If that’s what you want, sweetheart.”
Kihyun trudged past you with that smile still playing on his lips. Maybe it did not matter what you did or could have done. This was the most eventful your life has ever been. You supposed that was enough.
* * *
At this point, you both assumed it had been months without so much as an inkling of hope in being rescued. However, you pondered numerous times since week two, if there was a point in wanting to be saved. You were happy on the island, or maybe your anxieties just told you to be. You found comfort in being near Kihyun when you felt the most lonely. And he was always there to listen or to hold you when you cried from frustration or to rub your back while you spat out the thin fish bones that hid on your tongue.
You noticed how much longer he would hold you in his arms and pull you in flush against his chest as you sobbed into his shoulder. His hands would travel the expanse of your back before he squeezed you in a tight hug around your waist. Kihyun’s eyes stared deeply. If it bothered him how often you required his comfort, he never showed it. In all honesty, he probably only held you so closely because there was no one else to do so; an obligation to you. Although, you cannot say if you minded that possibility or not. The idea of staying with Kihyun forever on the island was not unappealing, in fact, it seemed the most ideal. No one else understood you the way he did, even if he barely knew you.
That was why tonight you could not help but stare at his lips while he talked to you about how nicely his fish tasted alongside your quickly roasted vegetable root. His boyish smile that showed the straightness of his pearly white teeth. You aimlessly wondered what it would be like to kiss him and to truly feel him. Kihyun raised his brow in question of your silence, but you shook it off rather fast. He noticed.
“What’s on your mind, ____?” He said, putting down his meal and giving you his full attention.
Without realizing it, you looked off into the setting sun behind him and blurted out, “Are you happy, Kihyun?”
“Happy?”
You regretted the words as soon as his response processed in your mind. The two of you met gazes, saying nothing.
He cleared his throat “Could be worse, I suppose.”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Yeah. I could’ve been the only one who survived. That’s a pretty depressing thought.”
“Oh, I see.”
Kihyun’s eyes seemed to have twinkled, watching the small smile that played at the corner of your lips. You sighed and took a bite of your own meal. He laughed and moved from across the fire pit. His presence next to you was comforting and inviting; you fought the urge to place your head on his shoulder. With your knees brought up to your chest, you playfully gave him a nudge with your elbow.
“You’re feeling especially existential tonight, huh?” You said, turning completely towards him. He watched you with a smirk on his face, eyelids in a squint.
He suddenly placed his large hand atop your head, “Are you happy, ____?”
“Yeah.” You responded quickly. “‘Cause I’m with you.”
His face morphed into three different expressions right before your eyes. From playfulness to shock and then finally to one that reminded you of those comforting looks he would give on long and stressful nights. Holy shit. That was the first thing you thought once your mind could make sense of what had just happened. Of what you just implied. Your face felt hot and now the distance between the two of you seemed too close, too intimate. There was no possible way you could bring yourself to look him in the eyes. Not now. Your heart hammered away in your chest as it screamed at you for letting the truth out so quickly. Maybe you were stupid for looking too deeply into his touches. Or maybe, you were just lonely. Maybe you were both lonely and Kihyun just does a better job at hiding it. Just like how he hides his tears from you when he thinks your asleep with your back turned to him. When his gasps from the lightning he kept locked up in his heart storms out in bursts of sobs and hiccup fits. He tried to cover his mouth, you could tell this from the muffled sound of his cries, and slow his panic with deep breaths, albeit shaken and unstable.
“I’m happy ‘cause I’m with you, too.”
If you were in a drama, there would have been dramatic music playing at this moment and the air around Kihyun would have been adorned with pink and beautiful sparkles. At least, that was how the moment felt to you. He smiled brightly despite the obvious bewilderment of your expression; he seemed as though he almost wanted to laugh. Perhaps the moment was a bit comical. You let out your own smile and shyly turned your eyes to the gray sky. The clouds hung low and full, as though they would burst at any moment, and the wind had begun to develop a bit of a chill on your skin. The breeze made the waves roar a little louder and the trees did shudder as well—is it obvious that you were stalling for time?
Now it was your turn to clear your throat, “Well, I,” was all you got out before the thunder yelled with enormous depth and the rain droplets slowly cascaded onto the shore, dimming the fire pit.
“Let’s get inside before the rain picks up, yeah?” He laughed in a light and airy way regardless of the tension.
You nodded and allowed him to help you up. The two of you worked quickly to pack everything away and right as you settled into the treehouse, the storm finally started to fall against the roof. Kihyun sat next to you with his legs crossed and that same smile on his lips, however, this time, you could not tell what he was feeling in this moment, whether it was pity or if it was happiness or something different. He was unreadable, which is odd for him.
“So,” you began, “with me, huh?”
He scrunched his nose cutely. “Yeah, with you.”
In that moment, you shyly met his eyes with a flush to your face. You felt hot and cold all at once and there was also the desire to huddle away in your little makeshift bed until the rain stopped and you could use the bullshit excuse of looking for food as a reason to run away. He felt too close and yet so distant; there was the urge to just reach out and hold him. To hold him in your arms with his head to your hammering heartbeat, to hold him tightly so that the cold air from the whipping wind did not disturb the two of you, to hold him and play with the fraying of his long, black hair as he sighed against your chest—there was a strong desire to kiss him until daybreak and you both passed out from exhaustion so you could laugh everything off as some fever dream that Kihyun thought came true.
You were about to laugh when he came so close to your face that you could feel his breath on your parted lips. He whispered something that sounded like a question, a haunting of your name. Shocked into stillness, you asked him to repeat what he had said to which he chuckled and reached for your hand, voice soft, but shaky.
“Can...can I kiss you, ____?”
If this was a fever dream, then you must have been passed out from exhaustion in the real world, because without so much as a second thought, you somehow squeaked out a ‘yes’ in reply. And then, you felt it. Those pink lips you dreamt of; soft, but dry pressed softly, almost curiously, on yours. When he pulled away briefly, you felt yourself begin to lean into him a little closer than before. You could feel Kihyun’s pretty smile against your lips as he brought his hand up to hold your face still as he kissed you once more, this time the kiss felt deeper and more desperate. There was little to be said—not like you were able to make any comprehensive statement at the moment anyway. The storm raged on in the background like if the Earth was setting the mood with music. Although, the whipping of the wind was similar to the wildness of your nerves, goosebumps rising along the length of your arms and legs.
Kihyun’s kisses felt as though they went on forever and ever from the slowness of his pace. You were beginning to feel dizzy. He used his other hand to push you closer, resting his other palm on the small of your back. It was then you felt him fully. He was sturdy in his chest and his heart was beating a mile a minute. Kihyun kissed you with so much fervor and depth, you could not hide the pants that left your lips in between his kisses.
“____,” he whispered your name. Kihyun placed one long kiss on your lips before pulling away; his eyes hooded and his chest expanded with heavy breaths. You were at a loss for words, completely enamored by him and his presence in front of you.
Then, you softly pushed him back onto the wood of the treehouse floor, thighs encasing his small frame while he gasped a surprised yelp from the change of movement. You started down at him. He was beautiful with the way his long bangs fell disheveled into his dark eyes. With your palms on his stomach, you straddled yourself on his hips. Kihyun turned his face away from you, an arm thrown over his eyes. He was embarrassed by something and there was a thrill that overcame you in his coyness.
“You shy, Kiki?” You teased, lowering yourself to breathe into his ear.
He shook his head ‘no’, but still did not look up at you. In fact, his heart seemed as though it would burst out his chest.
“Don’t be shy. Look at me.” You said. And he did. He hesitated a bit, but sure enough his arm lowered from his face and he stared back at you with wide eyes.
He huffed and placed his hands on your waist, rocking your hips gently. “You caught me by surprise. That’s all.”
“Hmm…okay.”
“Don’t believe me?”
You smiled “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” Between your legs you felt the pressure beginning to build. Your breaths began to become shaky and full, and it was hard to stay sane. There was nothing you wanted more than to fuck him then and there; in fact, you hoped he wanted more than just heavy petting.
Kihyun’s thumbs rubbed circles into your sides, coaxing a steady back and forth motion over his crotch. You could feel the shape of his cock beneath his pants. Before you realized it, you were dry humping him without so much as a push from Kihyun’s hands. He had a sly smirk on his face and he laughed in a light airy way as he started to roll his hips from under. The friction was intense, but not nearly enough to satisfy you. So, you gave him a chaste kiss as you rolled your hips even harder. You tried desperately to ignore the butterflies swarming in your stomach as well as the avalanche of goosebumps down your skin as Kihyun slid his palms over your exposed thighs, they poked out nicely in the blue denim shorts you wore. He started to pant harshly and squeeze you tightly.
It was getting hard to form a sentence that was not a muffled combination of his name. Kihyun looked up at you with the edge of his bottom lip caught by his bite; you noticed how the tips of his ears were turning a profuse shade of scarlet as well as his cheeks and neck. His eyes were trained on the spot where your hips rolled, they sparkled a bit—with what seemed to be mischievousness—in the dim lighting that peaked from between the planks of wood.
“Fuck…” he groaned, eyes finally flickering up to look at you, “you’re so good, ____.”
You let out a shaky breath “Y-Yeah?”
“Is this good for you?” Kihyun asked with a quick lick of his bottom lip.
There was a fluttering in your chest from the genuineness of his tone. You eagerly moaned out a reply and that seemed to have made him more bold. Kihyun stilled your hips and held you firmly in place as he continued to roll his hips up into you.
“Mm, you’re making such pretty sounds, sweetheart. Do you want me?”
You nodded an aggressive ‘yes’ before you could give yourself time to talk yourself down. His hands moved to unbutton your shorts, cautiously, as though he was looking for any sign of uncomfort. Somehow you felt a surge of courage run through you, and you leaned forward to push up his shirt. Kihyun smirked, but allowed you to continue, stopping to watch you curiously undress him. He had become a golden tan from the weeks spent out in the hot sun. Once his shirt was over his head, you placed his hands back at your waist while you threw your worn t-shirt somewhere to the corner of the room. Kihyun’s eyes went everywhere at the sight of your body and it made you feel shy almost, how bravely he stared at you with those half lidded eyes.
“Stop staring like that…” You pouted.
He laughed and lightly tapped your thighs so you would raise them. “Sorry, rosebud. You’re just so gorgeous, I couldn’t help it.” Kihyun shimmied your bottoms and underwear in one go. Now the two of you were semi-naked, sans your vest and his pants, and there was so much happening that you were at a loss for words. He smiled and sat up, holding you close and laying you flat on your back.
Kihyun’s chest exhaled and inhaled rapidly despite the minimum movement happening. Then, he brought his lips to yours in a messy kiss, your mind spinning, and began to venture down your body. He kissed around the locket in between your collarbones, to the middle of your chest and then below to your quivering stomach. His lips pressed the faintest of kisses there while his hand squeezed the underside of your scarred thigh, bending it at the knee.
“Say ‘ah’ for me, sweetheart.” Kihyun said, fingers from his other hand pushing past your lips. “Now, suck.”
He watched with curious eyes as your mouth enveloped his pointer and middle finger. Your tongue worked quick to cover every inch of skin that you could feel. Kihyun squeezed on your thigh, his bottom lip coming back up to be bitten as he boldly added his ring finger. You fought back a moan in your throat from the way he began to massage his fingers against your tongue. And when he pulled away, you and him both let out a breath neither of you knew you were holding in.
Kihyun brought his hand down to between your legs, but hesitated, asking, “Are you okay...with me…?” His question seemed to be floating about the room at this point, almost lost to the storm hailing outside from how quiet and unsure his voice sounded.
There was a smile you could not be bothered to hide.
“I want you to…” You giggles, finding his bewilderment oddly attractive. You took his hand and gently pushed them into yourself. His palm was warm as it rested flat against you, completely juxtaposing the coldness of his fingers.
You spread your legs a little wider, wincing from the strain in your sore thigh muscle. Kihyun’s face was flushed as he watched you slowly adjust to his fingers inside of you; he huffed lightly from your fingers guiding his motions in a slow back and forth. There was a gasp that you failed to fight back when he suddenly started to place soft kisses along the length of you neck, nibbling at your flesh, and panting from seeing your quivering body beneath him.
Eventually, Kihyun fucked his fingers into you himself at such a lewd pace, you could hear yourself squelching from how wet you became. There was no point in holding back your moans, despite the embarrassment you felt in being so loud. He shifted his body and kneeled in between your legs, while his other hand held you open as he pushed firmly on your thigh. Kihyun laughed breathily as you began to shake.
“Are you gonna cum, sweetheart? You’re gonna cum for me?” He said.
“Y-Yes,” you squealed, breathless.
He suddenly stopped when he felt you starting to clench around his fingers “And what if I don’t want you to?” Kihyun’s smirk had returned to his face.
You pouted and began to whimper from your high being stolen away from you. All the words you wanted to say were lost as your orgasm was the only thing that seemed of importance. How could he do that?
You groaned “You’re so mean, Ki.”
“I’m mean?” He smirked even harder as you nodded in agreeance and started to slowly move his fingers again as he spoke “Okay. I’m sorry, ____. I won’t tease you anymore. You just looked so cute all fucked out like that.”
There was another rush of heat that came to your cheeks “Can you just…” You felt as though you were going to die from asking what was on your mind.
“Can I just, what, sweetheart?”
“I...want you to make love to me, Kihyun,” You stated it firmly, feeling confident.
Without much more than a soft nod, Kihyun took out his fingers and worked to loosen the tie on his shorts, his underwear getting pulled down along with them in one swift motion. You watched with curiosity as he massaged his large palms over his dick and the shudder that ran through his body. He scooted closer and positioned himself, chest huffing from what you noticed was a sign of his nervousness, as he stared down between your legs with that lustful gaze.
He cleared his throat and straightened out his back “R-Ready?”
You were not sure who was more nervous. Still, you gave him a smile and whispered out a soft ‘yes’, taking one of his hands into yours, lacing your fingers together in a firm grasp.
“I’m ready, Ki.”
When Kihyun entered you, you felt your stomach stiffen as you began to hold your breath. He pushed in slow and careful, reminding you to breathe and that he can stop if you were uncomfortable. All of that changed once he bottomed out and you could settle your racing heartbeat a tad. His free hand moved to hold your hip as he slowly rocked his hips into your heat, getting you to relax around him; waiting for you to tell him he could move faster,
Kihyun fucked into you with such a consistent rhythm that you honestly forgot everything about the world. You focused on his fingertips squeezing into your skin and the quick sounds of his hips meeting yours as well as his heavy breaths into the room. He leaned down to kiss you, rolling his hips deeply in a way that made you cry out into his mouth—when he flipped you over, so you were bouncing on his lap you could feel another smirk against your lips. He pulled away to watch you rut against him and chuckled lowly in a voice that sent shivers down your spine.
“___,” he called out “You’re fucking me so good, sweetheart. Don’t stop.”
Your mind went fuzzy, Kihyun’s breaths turned into moans as the two of you were reaching your limit. He kissed you again, touching wherever he could get his hands on you. He bit away at your lips, whispering sweet nothings that you could not make out from how mumbled they were in between kisses.
Kihyun pulled away to mumble into your shoulder, hips bucking wildly as he chased his and your orgasm. “I’m g-gonna cum..! Fuck!”
You squeezed his shoulders and let out your loudest cry yet as you felt yourself convulse around his dick. Kihyun’s strokes became uneven as he pulled out to cum all over your stomach. The both of you panting crazily and kissing once more. He gently moved to lay you back on your stomach and wiped away his cum with his shorts before lying beside you and taking your hand into his again, while an arm wrapped around your back. He placed a small kiss on the backside of your palm.
You awkwardly laughed, resting your head on his shoulder. “That...really happened, right?” To which Kihyun responded back with a laugh of his own.
“Yeah...I guess it did.” His hand on your back began to rub small circles into your skin with his thumb. You began to wonder if this meant anything...or what would change because of this night.
You figured it mattered little when the two of you were lost.
* * *
From the day you and Kihyun shared that night together, you no longer slept in a separate bed. Every night was warm in his embrace, and he never cried to himself anymore.
He seemed different around you. Kihyun was many things, but open and emotional was not one of them. Just the other day you consoled him as he cried a storm and a half into your chest over a friend that went missing. You gathered that the man was close to him...almost like a brother, so the weight of his burning tears on your thin white shirt was enough to erupt a deep feeling of sympathy. Though you were curious, you wanted to push more, that day, and learn about the life he lived before becoming your partner in estrangement. But, you never asked. You wanted to kiss the pain and tears away. Kihyun sobbed harder into your soft kiss, his lips salty and overly wet, but you lacked the urge to care. And you always felt yourself melt at how much deeper he kissed you during his breakdowns; it was as though you were his whole world, the only thing keeping him afloat—in a way, you were.
During the day time, the two of you prepped meals, checked the tree house, and slowly nursed your leg back to health—today, he was cutting more wood to make a proper bed, or rather the best bed you could manage out on an isolated island. It was often as though his venting was a whisper of the night; perhaps, that made it even more intimate. You were not sure how long it has been anymore and quite frankly, you had begun to stop caring.
“Kihyun?” You sighed, playing with the rusty locket around your neck, grasping it tightly in between your fingertips.
He coasted his cutting to look up at you, sweat flowing down his thicker brows, “Yeah, babe?” a new nickname, “What’s up?”
“Remember when you asked me about this locket?”
“Hmm...no, but I can’t lie and say I’m not curious where you got it from. When we met, you were only wearing earrings.”
You laughed “Woah, you remember that?”
“Of course,” he smiled at you and came around to take a seat on the surprisingly cool sand. “I may not look it, but my memory is pretty good.”
“You surprised me more and more each day, Kiki.”
He laughed “So, what about the locket? You found it here, I’m assuming?”
“Yeah...I did. It was hanging from a teddy bear and I couldn’t bear to let it waste away like that, y’know?”
“Hmm...did you ever open it?”
His question made your skin prickle, or maybe it was just the cold ocean breeze stabbing away at your arms and legs. Of course you considered it. You thought about opening up the tiny little gold heart since you first found it, and yet there was this looming feeling of dread that made you consider whether or not that was the correct course. You expressed this feeling to Kihyun through a silent stare, his eyes searching the shadows of your face, the places that grew thin and dry from the harshness of the sun.
“Rosebud, what are you so scared of?” He asked, reaching to wrap a arm around your curled up frame.
“It’s not that I’m scared,” Kihyun tilted his head down towards you in a way that seemed to say he was not buying it. “Okay...I am, but only because I feel like this is the one thing we have left of our previous life. Besides the fact that I wear this every day...whatever is inside hasn’t been tainted yet.”
“You think we’re tainted, babe?”
“Not us, but, y’know, this situation.”
“It’s not the situation that’s tainted, ____. It’s that you’re scared you’re not gonna like what you see when you open up that locket, right? You’re scared of seeing them, whoever they were. You’re scared of sadness and it’s okay, honey. Trust me.”
You sighed deeply through your nose, “I trust you, Ki.”
“Open it when you’re ready sweetheart; I can’t force you, but I do think it will help you cope with all of,” He gestured openly with his hand “ this .” Sullen, you nodded meekly to show that you understood what he was saying, or you think you did, at the least. Kihyun gave you a kiss on your temple before getting up and going back to cutting away at the wood.
When the sun set and dinner was all finished, you laid next to Kihyun with the sound of his shallow breathing and the soft rustling of the trees. You fumbled again with that cherry-sized heart in between your fingers; heart tremor-ing loudly in your eardrums. There’s nothing to be scared of. You knew that. Looking at whatever picture was inside was not going to suddenly call a ship upon the shore to save you. You knew.
The sudden ringing in your ear knew too, that you let the radio silence of your mind sweep all sense of reason away to the point that you created some nonsensical fear of the past. It was with the next inhale of breath that you decided to pry the damned thing open. Instinctively, you screwed your eyes shut and began focusing on the sound of the dark black waves rolling outside of the treehouse.
You counted back from ten silently, “Nine, eight, seven…” there was a pause right before you said the last number. You sighed, and opened your eyes quickly while your fingers opened up the latch.
One.
Although it was dark in the room, your eyes could see the picture of a smiling little girl in the arms of two men. She was small, probably no older than four, and had the brightest smile you have ever seen. Her hair was curly, like the man on the left, and her cheeks were rosy from all the happiness that was on her face. Somehow, in your head, their eyes seemed to be etched out.
A subconscious censor and that irrational fear somehow blocking you from accepting the truth.
You are not sure when it was that you fell asleep last night. Kihyun’s slow breathing began to gently lull you awake as the sounds of the chirping birds grew louder while you slipped into consciousness. The picture was the first thing on your mind when you awoke. You rolled over to give Kihyun a kiss on his forehead; his lips were agape and his eyelashes were long and pretty against the apples of his cheeks. You stared down at the moles along the length of his skin and smiled to yourself. It was then you thought that you would tell him later what you saw.
As you quietly rolled out of bed, you went over to the little pile of clothes you kept neatly folded in the corner. You got dressed silently, mind racing, and headed down to the shoreline. There, you sat with your knees up to your chest as the sun was still lagging behind your internal clock. Of course, there was nothing in particular that was worth your thoughts so early in the morning. Nothing that you have not thought long and hard about before, at least. You seemed to have exhausted every possible idea.
So, you took this opportunity to dream instead. You daydreamed about what it would be like if you and Kihyun met under different circumstances. You dreamed what his home place was like, as well as his family and friends and what he did for a living. You bet he was the kind of person who would harp on others, but still took care of them despite his annoyance. He had a beautiful singing voice, but whenever you asked him to sing for you he blushed and waved you away as though he was lacking. Maybe he was a performer before he stepped on that plane. You wondered if he missed it. If he would rather be back home with everyone else he loved than be stuck here with you.
You were just so curious. It felt as though the both of you have grown so close, and yet you still know nothing about him. You respected his rights to secrecy, honest to God you did, but it still did leave your mind in a state of unrest. Did that really matter, though? You considered why your curiosity was eating away at you like this. It does not matter who he was before, because the him of now is all that you know.
The waves rolled between your toes and you felt yourself getting hungry. Your thoughts now focused in on the grumbling in your belly and decided it was time to wake Kihyun up to start the day. Maybe breakfast would be the best time to share your discovery. The locket laid heavily around your neck, bouncing as you stood up abruptly to go back inside the treehouse.
When you entered, Kihyun was sitting up and rubbing away cutely at his eyes. His hair stuck up in odd places and his vest hung loosely off one of his shoulders—it was a size too big, but all that you had. He picked his head up to watch you crawl over to him with a smile and wide spread arms. You snuggled into his embrace and laughed as he started to kiss the top of your head.
“G’morning, babe.” His voice was raspy from his sleep, but surprisingly chipper unlike the usual grumpy morning wake up.
You looked up at him “Morning.”
“How did you sleep? You’re up really early.”
“Hm, I don’t really remember falling asleep. I don’t remember how long ago I woke up, either. Just been thinking.”
“Yeah? What about?”
“You, of course.”
He scrunched his nose “That’s so cheesy.”
You laughed and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips “You always say that. Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
You allowed him time to get ready as you got the fire pit going to roast the typical morning fish and checked on the bucket of rainwater that you have been collecting. There was a time the two of you went scavenging through some of the remains from the crash again and conveniently found a survival guide in someone’s luggage where it mentioned how to purify rainwater. It was eerie how you thought of it like some kind of bad omen considering the situation, but Kihyun chalked it up to them just being overly paranoid. He shrugged and told you that it was better to be prepared than not.
You suppose you could agree with that.
When Kihyun came down to the fire, you had already tied last night’s catch to some twigs and set them up to roast. You watched the embers spin in tiny circles almost absent-mindedly. He sat across from you dressed in black shorts and a matching black tee shirt, letting out a lion-like yawn before relaxing back with his palms to the sand.
“I saw it.” You blurted out randomly, at nothing, but also at him.
He tilted his head to the side “Saw what?”
“The picture. In the locket.”
“Oh.”
It was quiet before he turned his gaze to the sky to watch the clouds roll by without a care in the world. Kihyun was awkward when it came to consoling you, although you believed it to be part of the reason why his company was so enjoyable. He left room for fuck ups and you did not feel the urge to seem perfect around him.
“What...did you see?” He asked.
Your hand cupped the locket “A little girl with her dads. They seemed happy. She’s very pretty too.”
“Yeah? Prettier than you?”
“Are you trying to flirt?”
“Can’t help it, rosebud.”
You rolled your eyes and laughed, feeling as though a weight was taken off your shoulders. Kihyun grinned, eyes still trained on the sky. His smile seemed brighter.
“Well, I am happy that you were able to face your fears, hon’. You seem different this morning?”
“I could say the same to you.” You poked at the fish, checking if it was ready or not and decided on giving it a couple more moments in the fire.
He finally let his brown eyes fall onto your gaze “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” he started “I’ve just been thinking.”
“About?”
“Me and you.”
Now it was your turn to say ‘oh’. It surprised you how honestly he was sharing his thoughts without you prompting him to do so. He seemed to have noticed your shock and bashfully began to play with his right ear lobe; something he has not done in a while.
“What about us?” You asked, timidly, afraid of the answer.
“Well...it’s just that…”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know where I stand with you. Like, how you feel about me? Or if that would change if we somehow got rescued? I really don’t want it to. Oh God, ____, do I not want it to. I care about you a lot.”
You felt bashful; odd, since it is not as though your relationship has not progressed beyond playful flirting. He was right. How did you feel? Did you love him? Or was it just the situation at hand making you attached?
“I care about you too, Ki. A lot.”
“Oh, thank God.” He exhaled.
“Maybe…” you smiled “Maybe I love you too?”
“O-Oh!” This time his whole face went red as his eyes trained themselves on the fire pit. “It’s burning!”
You almost asked him if that was another attempt at flirting before you smelt the smell of char and rushed to take the fish out of the fire. Your hands shook from the sudden panic before letting out a sigh of disbelief. Not only did you just confess, but you burnt breakfast too.
Great.
Kihyun snickered, cheeks still red, and eyes twinkling wildly “Wish you loved the fish more. They didn’t deserve that.”
“Oh ha, ha .” You sneered, picking off the blackened skin off your fish before taking a bite.
He bit into his own meal and looked off into the distance of the ocean “Maybe. For me too.”
“What’s that?”
“Maybe I love you, too, ____.”
And it was then that you felt the world quite literally stop, as though you were in a drama again. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and your heart hammering away in your chest. Neither of you said anything more besides the bewildered exchange of stares. You realized you loved him for some time now. It was not ‘maybe’ for you. But, you would tell him that another day.
You both finished your meal and decided to take a stroll near the water. Kihyun walked with his hands buried deep into his pockets and it frustrated you how much you wished to hold his hand. It seemed as though you were dancing around the subject, or that you could not find the right words to say. Your eyes kept glancing towards his pocket, before he suddenly stopped walking and held out his pinky towards you. It confused you why, but instinctively you linked your pinky with his. He kissed his thumb and looked at you in a way that suggested you to do the same, so you did. Kihyun pressed your thumbs together and somehow the action made your ears hot.
Whether you were going to be saved one day or not was not a thought that you could entertain anymore. You were happy at that moment; happy and in love.
“Forever, rosebud.” He smiled.
Forever.