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Thoughts racing, Nico is lying awake. Again.
Has been over and over, night after night of Levi staying over, of watching Levi sleep, really, ever since that day in the ICU after Christmas when he had told Levi he had kind of wished him to be there by his side.
Yes, at Christmas. Yes, with his family.
None of it a lie. If anything an understatement.
All of it complicated, much more so than surprised and a little bit excited at the statement looking Levi could possibly suspect.
All of it unlikely to ever happen, maybe ‘Impossible.’ Here we have the problem, Nico finally begins to understand, ‘What are you doing? Putting ideas into his head about this.’ After all, it is all just ‘Wishful thinking.’
Nico breathes deep, whispers “Fuck.”
‘My wishful thinking,’ he realizes. And how stupid would it be of him to be angry at Levi for that. If anything these are ‘… dreams we share.’
Nico hates that all of this makes him angry somehow, instead of being able to enjoy that he has a partner who wants to share his life with him so completely.
He really needs to get out of his own head more often and just live. 'Just be happy!'
Levi is peaceful beside him, blissfully strung out after a long shift and the blowjob Nico had very much enjoyed giving to help his boyfriend and himself find relaxation, pleasure and sleep. Sleep much faster, much easier to find, when your brain is allowed to turn solely to pleasure, dip into it, drown itself in it.
Nico is not ashamed at the sleep-fused thought randomly crossing his mind, ‘I’ve always loved sucking cock.’ Something calming and relaxing about knowing Levi’s body in a way so intimate there is no doubt any longer just the knowledge of giving pleasure to Levi and being good at it, very good for Levi.
Nico can still taste Levi on his tongue.
The lingering taste makes him want to crawl under the covers and get another right away, lose himself in the pleasurable action.
Nico is addicted really to looking up, bobbing his head and swirling his tongue, while watching the still after all these times together wondrous and blissed out look on Levi’s face at getting to have this, getting to be here, with him, getting to receive selflessly given pleasure so bone-deep felt. 'Hearing you moan,' Nico shudders.
Losing the taste of Levi on his tongue, Nico tells himself, ‘In the morning,’ before they have to get going.
Knowing Levi will be eager to give back too, once he has had a good night’s sleep, Nico has to dampen down on his own excitement. Luckily he is exhausted enough too, physically, emotionally for sleep to be fast approaching.
Another shudder runs through Nico with the thought, ‘You’re always so eager.’
He pulls Levi close, watches him settle with a soft huff into the warmth of their bodies.
Nico loves the feeling of getting to hold his boyfriend so completely, protecting, being the big spoon. It makes him braver in every way, feeling this in control of his own happiness, whisper soft but certain, “I meant it, Levi. I really did. More than you could possibly know. It was lonely, very lonely, without you there. I missed you. I want you. I want you there.”
Levi stirs and Nico stills. Holds his breath unwillingly until Levi settles fully again.
“There is nothing I want more than to show the whole world who I’m falling for, how wonderful a guy he is, you, you are.”
Nico’s head grows heavier with each passing moment, sinks further into the pillow as he leans in, breathes in deep, smelling his own shampoo in Levi's hair. There is comfort in it and there is pain. ‘I want to be everything for you.’ Nico’s hands are shaking as he pulls himself back into their shared warmth.
Hiding from the cold he feels creeping up from deep inside.