Chapter Text
the warm sun tickled his skin and the shoes on his feet kicked pebbles as he walked to his first class of the day. he became mesmerized with the blossoming cherry blossoms that fell from the trees above, the pink blooms filtering the sunlight and casting abstract shadows on the pavement. sato’s mind wandered, the path of his steps slowly moving to the left, not bothered enough to walk in a straight line. the heavenly sight before him was just enough to distract his usual dark thoughts from taking over. the usual, oh no, here it comes, why did he think that . a wave, larger than any tsunami that had ever hit japan, flooded his mind; the memories he wished he could forget and the words he so badly wanted to take back.
“what’s your problem!? if you want to say something then say it, i hate it when you don't speak up!” uenoyama’s voice echoed in the empty school hall. next there was silence, sato clenched his chest as if his heart was on fire, god it felt like it was. the thick air was sliced with the sound of a fist angrily slamming against the lockers. “stop looking at me like i did something wrong, i hate it when you look like that.”
his mouth ran completely dry, this feeling burned his insides. every inch of his skin crawled with desperation, wanting nothing more than to find the right words to say. it took a moment but sato was finally able to manage a few sentences. “we don’t even get to see each other anymore. you never call, you never text, you won’t even look at me during school..” sato gritted his teeth, preparing himself for what was to come, words he thought he would never speak. “i think we should take a break. you obviously have enough on your plate already.”
uenoyama froze, eyes wide and face pale. not able to form words all he could do was stand there. fists clenched and jaw locked, he watched with his head down as sato walked away. tears threatening to stream stung his eyes. he felt the weight of a thousand rocks form a lump in his throat, but by then sato was already out of sight.
before he knew it sato was standing in front of the school building and after taking in a much needed deep breath, he continued on. voices around became muffled and faces appeared replaced with tv static. his steps slowed and his breathing became heavy, though he’s sure he was the only one who thought so. the movement around him delayed and time seemed to nearly stop. sato noticed everything around him and maybe it was too much, from the weeds growing between the cracks of the pavement to the deaden words of gossip that come with the first day. reality was brought back to him as another student bumped shoulders and stifled an apology before running off.
with that sato carried on with his walk and eventually made his way into the school, where he changed his shoes and continued on and up to the third floor where his classroom was located. lucky for him, a seat right next to a window was available. he reasonably claimed the desk as his and set his backpack on the decently clean school floor. the calming outside light was neither too bright nor dim and was just perfect for relaxing, and the breeze which the open window allowed ruffled sato’s hair with much respect. he hoped for the year to be not nearly as rough and traumatizing as the last but he knew that would be just too much to ask for as he noticed he had walked in. why him, why now, why during the last year !?? all i want is to be alone and most definitely not surrounded by him. scurrying to turn his head, sato hoped his face wouldn’t be noticed and held his breath.
“this seat taken?” sato didn’t need to look to know who the voice belonged to and that wasn’t even the worst part. the worst part was that the owner of the voice sat down before sato could form any type of lie to get himself out of the situation. unknowingly sato turned ever so slightly to catch the smallest glimpse of the guy, and of course, it was the one and only uenoyama. sato must’ve been staring for a bit too long because his next words took him off guard,
“is there something i can help you with?”
“i..” he started his sentence but couldn’t seem to finish it. after some time of awkward silence and a secret game of “who can avoid their gaze for the longest,” (sato won after uenoyama had fallen for the trap and looked his way, causing a faint blush to appear on uenoyama’s face.) the younger of the two continued with his sentence, “i haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?” the discomfort was almost unbearable, even some of the other early-to-school students could sense the growing tension.
uenoyama hadn’t expected him to actually ask him something. he’s the one who broke up with ME. why should I be the one telling him how i’ve been, i'm sure he’s been just great without me.
“uenoyama?” the sound of the last few students rushing into the class broke their pitiful conversation and led to the teacher walking into the classroom. that was really when sato lost uenoyama.
the entire class uenoyama couldn't focus. thoughts of sato constantly ran circles through his mind and he's sure his teacher didn't enjoy his lack of attention in the slightest. he listened as the teacher assigned for students to "think about what club to join" for homework on the first day and no one seemed to complain as a 5 minute decision was better than reading from a textbook any day of the week. with that, class was dismissed for the lunch break. uenoyama could feel his stomach grumble and thought about how he never brought lunch to school due to his lack of time and simply just not caring, buying bread always sufficed.
curry pan in hand and water from the vending machine in the other, uenoyama walked his way to that spot. you know the one. the one that used to mean a whole lot to him. well, it still did but it brought a lot more pain than before. he wasn't going to have some stupid ass breakup ruin the best quiet place in the school. shaking his head to remove the voices in his mind, uenoyama walked through the gym and opened the door to the stairwell. today just obviously couldn't be his day because as he walked into the area, sato laid peacefully in the sunlight taking a nap.
why is he here. i mean, it's not like i own this place but still. argh why can't i just be alone.. uenoyama sat down on the stair landing right next to sato, whose head was just inches away from his lap due to the small area. uenoyama couldn't help but stare at sato. the way the sunlight hit his face, how his hair gently covered a portion of his face, and how his breathing was slow and peaceful.. without noticing uenoyama had begun stroking the sato's hair. it was soft to the touch and made his stomach twist with a weird ping of guilt. retrieving his hand, all he could do was let out a sigh of frustration. surely he was going to have to apologize at some point. their "break" wasn't permanent. right? uenoyama constantly thought of sato and not a day went by since the last time he saw him where he didn't type out a text message, only to remember the incident and delete the words before sending. this was all new to him. he's never dated anyone, more or less been broken up with. maybe he hadn't considered mafuyu's emotions and had neglected him. hearing this all in his head made uenoyama's heart hurt more. what if sato was serious and never wanted to see him again? what if there were no chances of getting back together? questions flooded his mind and made his vision blurry with tears threatening to spill. it wasn't until uenoyama heard a little mumble coming from the one laying beside him that he tried to wipe his eyes before the waterworks started.
sato stirred in his sleep which led to him slowly opening his eyes. taking a few minutes to adjust to the light in his eyes, sato could feel the difference of presence from when he had fallen asleep. he slowly sat up and took a few seconds before realizing the person sitting next to him. eyes widening and mouth going dry, sato stuttered out words, "i- wha- what are you doing here?" scooting back slightly, sato could feel his palms become sweaty.
"well- i was just trying to find somewhere to eat.. i didn't realize you would be here and once i got here.." uenoyama tried as hard as possible to not sound like a complete idiot, "i figured it was too much work to go somewhere else so i stayed.." he trailed off, nervously rubbing his neck.
sato gave a blank stare before giving a small "oh" and proceeded to look down at the ground, desperately hoping for the awkwardness to drain away.
"i-" uenoyama started but stopped himself when sato immediately looked at him with questioning eyes, even giving a small head tilt in confusion. his heart ached a bit and words from his brain spilled out his mouth before he could object. "sato- i mean- mafuyu, i'm.. i'm sorry... for how i treated you back... you know... back when we were together.." uenoyama struggled to speak as he fiddled his fingers nervously, blood rushing to his cheeks and the tears coming back to surface.
this confused sato, because not only could he not think properly due to his awakening from his nap but also he had not expected uenoyama to utter the words "i'm sorry." he too had had troubles with himself after the break up. he no longer went outside, his guitar gathered dust, and he even lost weight due to lack not of eating. his mouth glued shut and his fingers curled into his palms out of anxiousness. he had seen uenoyama at his worst but something about the sight before him made his world feel as if it was crumbling beneath his feet. why did he feel like this. the pain he felt in this very moment was a thousand times worse than that of which he felt when uenoyama was angry with him. his head spun and he felt nauseous.
"i.. i want to start over.. if.. if that's okay with you. but i understand if you hate me, you don't have to do anything, you don't even have to speak to me. i don't know what i'm saying anymore but i don't like the feeling of not having you around in my life but it's completely understandable if you don't feel that way.." uenoyama rambled on not able to stop himself. words spewed out of his mouth until the sound of sato bursting into tears taped his mouth shut. "wha- wait- don't cry. i'm sorry. i didn't mean it-"
sato broke down into a mess as tears streamed down his face. his face became puffy and his body began shaking while he tried to wipe away the salty mess with his sleeve. but to no avail, it only smeared the mix of sad wetness and snot all over his face. choking on his tears, sato coughed and struggled to breathe. uenoyama panicked and could feel himself start to cry, but that didn't stop him from moving closer to the much smaller male and embracing him.
"hey, it's okay. i'm here.. don't cry. please don't cry.." his words seemed to make things worse because sato then started to shake his head while bringing his hands to his own hair, tugging and mumbling to himself. uenoyama was thinking about what to do next but all he could come up with was to hug tighter. he used his left arm to hold sato close to him and used his right hand to stop the boy from tugging at his hair. "stop please. it's alright.. you don't have to cry-" uenoyama paused, thinking if he should say what he was about to but then decided that now wasn't the time to hold back. "it's okay, i'm right here."
this immediately caused sato to freeze, the only noise was their heavy breathing. still no words were able to come out but that was okay. words weren't needed right now. all sato needed was the warmth of uenoyama and those 3 words. i'm right here.