Work Text:
Pairings: Connor x Reader
Warnings: Profanities
'To love is a curse', you thought to yourself. Surely, there couldn't be anything more painful than to fall in love with an emotionless machine, an empty shell whose only purpose is to take down deviants, and what remains is a husk of what you wished he could be: loved.
Typing away at your computer, you hummed to yourself, a distant tune at which lyrics you could not remember. The blinking screen indicated a new case assigned by the captain. A low grumble could be heard from the dishevelled man across your desk. Annoyed, he got up from his seat and headed to the pantry for his third cup of coffee. You heard the soft tapping of shoes following the lieutenant behind, a displeased huff tumbled from the older man's mouth.
"Stop following me around, kid."
"Sorry lieutenant, my program stipulates that I must ensure that I work together with you to complete my mission."
You let out a chuckle, one that doesn't go unnoticed by the duo. Luckily, Connor chose to ignore it. Hank, however, decided to prod further. "What's so funny, [Name]?"
You smiled, Hank was like a grumpy uncle to you, he was there for you when your parents decided that they had to turn to red ice as a pillar of support. "It's just that you act like you don't like Connor's company but when he's not around, you get bored." Hank shook his head, hiding the smile forcing its way to the corners of his lips.
"C'mon, you two," Hank gestured to you and Connor, "there's another case of a rogue android going nuts on its owner at 38th street."
"Right ahead of ya," you laughed, already heading out of the precinct with your car keys in hand. "[Name], not your shitty car." You stuck out your tongue, "My car is better than yours, Hank, I got it checked last week, the engine purrs like a cat."
"Cars don't purr detective [Last name]," Connor pointed out.
"It was just a simile Con," You smiled him, and your cheeks threatened to reveal your feelings by painting itself crimson.
Connor's LED spun yellow, it was a habit of his whenever something sounded strange to him. He was still adapting to his environment, and you were the hardest to grasp in his opinion.
Hank forced the keys out of your hand and decided that he was driving, something about you drinking too much yesterday.
"I'm fine, Hank. I can hold my liquor better than you."
"Ha! Says the one who passed out on my couch the other night because you said your apartment was too--and I quote--dark and scary to be alone in."
When Hank saw the shock on your face, he knew he had emerged victorious and threw his coat at the passenger seat. "Sit with Connor [Name], passenger seat's taken."
You looked at Connor sheepishly, he wasn't perturbed by what had happened, and you felt relieved. It saved you the embarrassment from answering his questions.
But why did a part of you secretly wished he'd say something about it? Anything to showed that he cared.
The car ride was a silent one, Hank refused to put on any music that didn't involve heavy metal and you were too tired to argue with him. Connor sat perfectly still, his hands were placed at his lap and he stared ahead. He must've noticed your staring because he turned to you with a curious tilt in his head. "Do you need something detective [Last Name]?"
"N-No! Sorry!" You blushed, cursing internally. You just couldn't compose yourself around him, you knew he wasn't programmed to have feelings, much less to have feelings for you, but you couldn't help yourself. He was so kind, even though he doesn't realise it himself, he treated you with such tenderness you've never felt before.
After a 20 minute ride, Hank parked the car lazily at the side of the road, and the three of you got out of the car almost simultaneously.
"So, what do we got?"
The investigator on-site briefed the three of you and Connor immediately went to work. Hank scooted closer to you, "You know it won't work out right?" You sighed, you knew well enough that the android would never return your feelings and yet, why did you let yourself fall for him further.
"I know Hank, I'll get my shit together."
"You better, damn machine wouldn't be able to give you the love you deserve, kid."
Connor returned shortly after, his fingers stained with thirium. Hank gave him a disgusted look but chose not to comment on it. You turned away from Connor and went to search the house for more clues. A loud thud resonated from the kitchen and you foolishly went to investigate despite being distracted by the thoughts of Connor. A hand reached for your throat and squeezed, you struggled to fight it off, kicking and punching, but you were no match for the strength of a rogue android. The android was armed with a knife, "Get out of here!" it yelled, but you tried to disarm him, a foolish move, if you were in your right mind you wouldn't have made such a rookie mistake.
Hank immediately came to your rescue, kicking the knife out of its hand and yelling for Connor's aid. You gasped, as Connor pinned the android to the ground, pointing a gun to its head.
Back at the precinct, Hank ordered you to stay out of the interrogation despite your adamant refusal. It was until Connor spoke up, telling you it was better if he and Hank handled it without you. You were taken aback but hid your disappointment well as you turned away from them.
The next day you found Connor waiting at your desk. Your heart pounded, why was he here?
"Detective [Last Name]," he began, "it is regrettable to inform you that you have been removed from this case."
It took you a long while to process what he said, his face stoic and calm as he relayed this bit of information to you.
"Who decided it? Was it Captain Fowler? Or Hank? That piece of sh--"
"I did," Connor interrupted you, "I requested for your removal from this case."
"Huh?" You couldn't believe it, you couldn't believe that Connor would turn his back on you like this. "You can't do that!"
"Lieutenant Anderson supported this decision, we decided that it was best if the case was handled more...professionally, and given your track record, you have never let this sort of thing happen before, the lieutenant decided that it was best if you took a break."
"It was ONE time!"
"And you almost died you asshat!" Hank responded from behind you.
Furious, you left the precinct with your car keys, leaving behind your phone and purse.
"Hey!" Hank yelled, but you were already gone.
The tears pricked at the corner of your eyes the moment you reached your apartment, you felt disappointed and betrayed at the same time. And you felt like throwing up. You rushed to the bathroom, coughing violently, and that's when you saw it, lily petals stained with blood falling into the sink.
You weren't surprised, you had heard stories from the internet but you never thought it would happen to you. It meant you had got it bad, your love for Connor was severe.
The hanahaki disease. A disease where the victim of unrequited or one-side love begins to vomit or cough out petals of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated. Treatments involve removing the flower surgically, but all feelings and memory of the person would be removed or when the feelings are reciprocated.
You let out a bitter laugh, so this is how I die, you thought to yourself. You ignored the bloodstains on the corners of your mouth. You didn't care anymore. There was no point, you were going to die eventually. It was inevitable.
You resorted to the comforts of your room, only surviving on water and stale crackers in your kitchen. And with every passing day, your coughs got more violent, and more petals and blood flooded your bathroom sink. The once porcelain white sink became tainted with dried blood and lily petals.
After a week of ignoring the knocks on your doors, you decided to head out of your apartment. The crackers were finished and you had to buy food or you'd starve yourself to death, though the idea of that seemed more appealing than to die of some heartbreak disease.
"[Name]?"
You turned around and instantly regretted it. "What do you want Gavin," it sounded more like a statement rather than a question.
"Can't believe I would bump into you here at all places," he looked at you up and down before scoffing, "Your allowed break was for a week, it's not like you to skip on work. What? Finally accepting the fact that you're not fit for police work?"
"Get off my ass Gavin, I don't need shit from you right--" You coughed violently again, your throat struggled to force the petals out.
Gavin was taken aback, he hesitated for a while before reaching out to pat your back. "Don't make me do this [Name], get your shit together." He closed his mouth instantly when he saw your bloodied hands and white petals.
"What the fuck [Name]," he instinctively reached for his phone, about to call Hank but you stopped him.
"Don't you dare," You warned, mustering up the energy to glare at him, "Don't tell anyone you saw me, got it? Or I'll make sure you'll regret it."
Gavin wasn't fazed by your empty threats, he had heard threats scarier from teenagers. He watched you turn to leave, wiping your lips with the back of your hand.
"Is it Connor?"
You turned back to him, sighing, before shrugging it off.
"He won't reciprocate, you know that right?"
"Shut up," you muttered, and headed back to your apartment. You could buy the crackers tomorrow.
You woke up from the sound of angry knocking at your door. You got up to see who it was from the peephole. It was Hank. 'Great, just the person I wanted to see,' you thought to yourself sarcastically.
"Open the door right now [Name] or I'll call Connor right over."
You obliged, you didn't want Connor to see you in this state. Hank tossed the bags of fruit and vegetables on your kitchen table before sitting down on your couch. "Ugh, what a mess," he said as he brushed off the petals from the armrest, "Get yourself together kid, this ain't the end of the world."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll just take you to the hospital and make you get your surgery done, as simple as that."
"No surgery Hank," You shook your head but avoiding eye contact with him, you were ignoring him all week after all and all it took for you to open the door was to threaten to bring Connor along, surely he'd be pissed.
Hank frowned, "What do you mean no surgery, do you want to die?"
"I think you should leave Hank." You coughed again, even though you tried to cover it up, the petals were starting to multiply. "I decide what I want to do in this situation."
Hank stood up, you could tell he was displeased by your actions, "You better show up at the precinct tomorrow."
You didn't respond, you waited for him to leave before retreating to your room, sobbing silently into your pillow while coughing occasionally.
By dawn, your pillow was covered in petals and droplets of blood. You were starting to have trouble breathing. 'I don't have much longer', you thought to yourself. You decided to get dressed and wash your face. You looked terrible, but you didn't have the energy to care. You headed to the precinct by car, and by the time you got there, your lap was covered in white petals. You brushed them away and headed into the office bullpen.
Hank was the first to notice your presence and immediately ushered you to come over.
You caught sight of Connor walking your way and you turned away, shielding your face away from him. Connor didn't take it as a sign to leave, he approached you with a cup of coffee in his hand, handing it to you. "It's good to see you again detective [Last Name]."
You hated the way he pronounced your name with such gentleness, it made your feelings for him hard to ignore. This made you cough more violently, and Connor didn't hesitate to scan your condition.
"It appears you have developed the hanahaki disease detective, might I suggest the nearest hospital in our area?"
You clenched your teeth but decided to remain silent. Hank opened his mouth to say something but you were already heading out of the office. Confused, Connor followed after you. "Shit!" Hank exclaimed before hurriedly standing from his desk. Unfortunately for the lieutenant, Captain Fowler had called for him into his office and Hank had no choice but to listen.
"Detective, you need to slow down."
"Stay away from me Connor," you spat, regretting the tone of your voice but remained firm, "I can't have you near me."
Connor almost looked dejected to you, but you knew it was just your mind playing tricks on you. "I'm sorry detective, can you please tell me what you find unsatisfactory about me so I can improve?"
You turned away from him, but just as you could walk away, you felt your throat start to close up, and you struggled to breathe. You began to lose balance but Connor was fast enough to break your fall. You choked out more petals and blood, the flowers in your lungs had almost finished blooming, and you knew it was too late for you.
"Detective [Last Name], try to breathe in and out, I'll take you to the nearest hospital right now."
"N-No!" You coughed, "please, I don't want to go to the hospital."
"But your chances of survivability is dropping significantly if I don't bring you there immediately."
You shook your head, you didn't want to forget about your feelings for Connor, even if it killed you. "Please."
For the first time, Connor didn't know what to say, he was troubled by your choice. "But why detective?"
You let out an empty laugh filled with petals, you decided that he should know the truth.
"It's because I love you, Connor," You saw his LED spun a vibrant red, "It's because I love you too much this happened to me." Connor kept silent, he didn't know if what he said would make a difference. You laid your head on his arm, you could tell this troubled the android but you were exhausted. "I'm tired, Connor, I think I'm going to close my eyes for a bit."
"I'd advise against it, detective."
You coughed, the air in your lungs was taken up by the flowers, and you knew you were dying. "Even at death, you take my breath away Connor."
"Detective, I--"
"Can I hear you say my first name for the first time?"
"That's unprofessional detective."
"Please?"
Connor watched as you covered your mouth once more, the petals overflowing, falling to the edge of your lips. You eyelids started to droop as you let out low breaths of air. You smiled apologetically at him, and he watched you close your eyes.
"I'm sorry, [Name]."