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Yunho has been in love with Shim Changmin for as long as he could remember. He never knew exactly when he fall into the boy's charm. Maybe it was the first time or later during their teenage years but one thing is certain, his feelings were rapidly developing for Changmin as times goes by.
Changmin was someone Yunho never thought he could be friends with. The younger boy had a totally different personality and they always fight for the smallest thing such as Yunho stealing Changmin food or Changmin being too clingy to Yunho but despite the misunderstanding, they always found their way back to each other.
Yunho loved everything about Changmin. He fall in love with Changmin bambi eyes. He fall in love with his mismatched eyes when he is smiling. He loved Changmin quiet but mature personality and his ability to handle Yunho antics at times. To put it simply, Yunho fell in love with Changmin, he had always been.
•••
"Hyung are you okay?" Changmin asked, worried painted on his face as he saw Yunho coughing for the umpteenth time this last week.
"I'm okay Changdola." Yunho smiled reassuringly.
"You've been coughing since when... Monday? Go see a doctor if you're sick Hyung."
"I already took some drugs so it's all good. It's just my throat hurts, like there's something blocking my respiratory system."
"Sore throat?"
Yunho shrugged. "I don't know. I'm going to the doctor if i don't feel better tomorrow."
"Okay!"
Then Changmin smiled with his mismatched eyes Yunho could never get bored of. As they were approaching the café they plan to hang out in, Changmin suddenly giggled
"Hyung Hyung."
"What?" Yunho askes curiously. Changmin was someone who hardly let out an unnecessary emotion but seeing him all giggly made Yunho's heart warm.
"I think i fall in love."
Yunho could felt his heart stop pounding for a second. Trying hard to lower down his unusual excitement he replied, "Who's this lucky person who got your heart?"
"You know it's someone in university—" Yunho nearly choked on his breath. "Do you know Lee Yeonhee, Hyung?"
Yunho's shoulder dropped. "Is it that beautiful girl in your department?"
"She is! Hyung you know me so well."
Changmin wasn't looking when Yunho smiled bitterly to himself. If there's anyone who know Changmin more than his parents it would be Yunho.
"I think i like her." Changmin said giddily.
Yunho forced a smile. "Oh my Changminnie is a grown up now." he said as he ruffled his hands to Changmin wavy hair.
"Hyung i'm already legal 2 years ago."
Yunho laughed. "Of course i always see you as my baby brother i forgot you're 20 already."
"What do you think Hyung? Should i tell her? I have a feeling she also has a feeling for me but i'm uncertain."
"Changmin believe me everyone likes you and if you think Yeonhee likes you too then you should tell her don't you? You don't want a pretty girl like her to be snatched away from you right?"
Changmin pouts. "Of course! I'm telling her tomorrow then when we meet again during class. Thank you Hyung!"
Yunho smiled, a cold and bitter smile he never shown to Changmin. He suddenly felt nauseated and after excusing himself he brought himself to the toilet, coughing whatever was blocking his throat, threatening to come out at any moment.
The first thing Yunho felt was blood trickling down his mouth and something else in the small pool of his own blood. When he looked down he finally see what it was. A flower petal.
•••
"I... What?"
"You suffer from Hanahaki disease Mr. Jung." the doctor concluded with a grim expression.
"Hana... haki?" Yunho repeated blankly.
"Yes, Hanahaki. It's a disease where flowers are blooming inside your heart. You'll start coughing as the flower grew taller and suffocate you." she explained as simple as possible.
"Why do i suffer from this?"
"The only cause of Hanahaki disease is unrequited love." the doctor explained. "When you love someone but they don't return your feelings, you'll get the disease."
"Is there a way to cure it?"
The doctor smiled weakly. "I'm sorry to inform you, no. Hanahaki disease is currently untreatable. There are medications to slow down the process but it won't last you a long time if your loved one doesn't return your feelings."
"Is there any way, you can remove the flowers completely?" Yunho asked with a clear desperation in his voice.
"There's a procedure to remove the flower root from your heart, but with consequences."
"What?" Yunho responded quickly.
"Your feelings for them would disappear."
Yunho could felt his heart dropped. "Forever?"
"It won't be back for a long time that's what i could say, but it doesn't rule out the possibility."
"What if i don't remove these flowers?"
"You die." the doctor confessed. "The flower would spread further and it will suffocate you, which is why immediate action is needed. From what i can see Mr. Jung, the flowers inside your heart has been there for a long time, for 3 years at least. It's a miracle you're still alive."
Yunho gulped. Sudden realization hit him. He suffer from this disease, because he fall in love with Changmin. His bestfriend who only love him as a brother.
"Can you prescribe me the drugs? I'll take it."
"You need to get this flower out of your heart as quickly as possible Mr. Jung."
"For now, please just give me the medication. I need time to decide."
The doctor sighed, as if she already predicted this would happen. About 15 minutes later Yunho came out of her practice room and straight to the pharmacy to claim his medication. The girl gave him a pity look as she saw what medication he needed before giving it to him.
Yunho sat there, eyes unfocused as his mind wanders. He'd die, if he didn't remove his feelings for Changmin. But if he removed it, he would never feel the same for Changmin again.
And he wasn't ready.
•••
"Hyung what did the doctor said?"
"It's just common cold Changmin, don't worry." Yunho lied.
"Really? Have you take your meds?"
"I have Changminnie you don't have to remind me."
Changmin could sense coldness in Yunho's voice but he chose not to question his Hyung.
"Anyway Hyung i already told Yeonhee my feelings ans she said yes! We're dating now!"
"Oh congratulations i'm happy for you."
"Thank you Hyung. If you didn't say that 2 days ago then i wouldn't have thr e courage to admit my feelings for her. How about you Hyung?"
Yunho cleared his throat. "Uh i'm not really interested in dating Changmin ah."
Changmin squinted his eyes. "You are lying aren't you? I know you smile by yourself when you look at your phone it must be your crush right? Tell me Hyung!"
If only Changmin knew it was his photos that Yunho were smiling at.
"Alright alright i like someone."
Changmin eyes brightened. "Who?"
"I'm not going to tell you it's a secret." Yunho teased him.
"Ah you're no fun Hyung! I already told you about Yeonhee and now you don't want to tell me."
"There would be time when you know but for now i'm just going to hide it. You'll never found out!" Yunho sticked his tounge out.
Yunho heard Changmin whine and he smiled, a genuine smile. There's nothing changing in their relationship, it's still the same.
"Hyung i have to go for the next class. See you later!"
Yunho waved his hand and followed Changmin's figure until the younger boy disappeared behind the department building. He sighed, burying his face in his hands.
'What should i do Changmin ah?' he whispered to himself.
•••
Yunho's condition got worse as time goes by. The flowers were now spreading into his lungs and he felt shortness of breath and weak immune system. He fell sick really easily which made Changmin worried for his well being. This was the 12th time Yunho got sick in the period of 6 months.
"Hyung it wasn't a common cold wasn't it?" Changmin confronted him.
Yunho took a deep breath. "No it wasn't." he decided to be honest.
"Then what is it? Why are you lying to me? I'm your friend aren't i?" Changmin asked, demanding answers.
"I can't tell you."
"Great. You can't tell me now when you're suffering from an ilness i don't know about." a clear mocking voice in Changmin's voice.
"You don't understand. It's complicated."
"What is complicated Hyung? If you need a long time to recover i'll always be by your side, i'll never leave you. I don't want to lose you Hyung." Changmin pleaded.
Yunho shook his head. "I don't think having you by my side is going to help. If anything you're going to make it worse."
"What?" Changmin was perplexed.
"I have Hanahaki Changdola." Yunho smiled bitterly. "Happy now?"
"A what? I don't understand."
"There are flowers growing inside my heart, and it has spread into my lungs. If i don't remove it the i'd die."
His last word scared Changmin. "Then remove it!"
"I can't."
"Hyung you're crazy. Why are you torturing yourself with this when the disease could be treated?!" he questioned him incredulous.
"Because then my feelings for you would disappear!" Yunho shouted.
He couldn't hold back the intensity of his voice and it surprised Changmin. His eyes pierced into Yunho's and he said, breath staggering, "you what?"
"If i remove this fucking flower my feelings for you would disappear, do you understand now?"
"What feeling Hyung?"
"I love you Changdola." Yunho said weakly.
Confusion was painted all over Changmin's face. "What?"
"I have this disease because i love you. I have always loved you but you don't."
"I don't understand—"
"You don't need to. It's my fault for falling in love with my bestfriend in the first place."
"Why don't you tell me about it then? Why do you hide it from me?" Changmin asked, feeling betrayed.
"Because i care about you." Yunho explained weakly. "I care more about your happiness than mine. I care more your feelings than mine. I don't want to burden you with my feelings you can't return. I don't want you to feel guilty about me."
Changmin was lost of words. Yunho thought it must be shocking that someone you consider a lifetime bestfriend had a feeling for you. He smiled sourly, before storming off, away from Changmin's presence and away from the source of his problem.
•••
When spring came, everything was back to normal. Yunho agreed to do the procedure of removing the flowers from his organs. The surgery was successful and he felt more content than before, as his longing for Changmin disappear along with the disease.
He felt nothing toward Changmin now, and it's for the best. Yunho walked to the café he and Changmin usually go. He'll met the younger man today after not seeing him for a month already.
"Hey Changmin." Yunho said brightly to Changmin.
"Hey Hyung."
Changmin was still the same Changmin Yunho knew. They chat for a little bit, before Changmin suddenly coughed.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah Hyung it's just too cold here."
Yunho just nodded, believing what Changmin said. Changmin however, grabbed a tissue and coughed. There was something unfamiliar in his throat that needs to get out.
"Changminnie?"
"Ah yes Hyung?"
"What do you want to order?"
Changmin dropped the tissue to the empty bin. There was nothing, except for a small petal.