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“What are you doing here?”
Sana raised her brows seeing a familiar girl sitting alone on the small swing in the park near her apartment. The girl then looked up, raised her eyebrows back at Sana, as if sitting alone at past 3AM was something normal to do. Then again, going home at that time was also a little weird so Sana didn’t blame her.
“I’m sitting down.” Mina answered with a shrug, “Obviously.”
It made Sana chuckle. She could get used to it.
Instead of telling her to go inside their place, Sana walked to the swing instead and sat down on the other one, beside Mina. She put the grocery paper bag down, thankful that the convenience store opened for 24 hours a day, and let out a heavy breath.
She just had a long day.
At least it was pleasant. It wasn’t every day that she witnessed a good friend of her getting promoted. It wasn’t every night that she could go and celebrate it with the others. She felt both happy and sad, because when someone was promoted, someone else was replaced, so it was like both a hello and a goodbye. But it didn’t matter. Both parties were happy with the decision and Sana felt the same.
They were quiet for a few minutes. Sana looked with the corner of her eye how Mina was looking down most of the time. She wanted to ask if the girl were sleepy, since it was past 3AM and as normal people should, they had to sleep, but she felt like Mina needed this. For some reason she needed to be out in the park past midnight just… sitting on a swing doing nothing.
Sana just went on with it.
Just then she noticed something was missing from the girl. She turned to her to make sure that she was right, then she asked,
“Where’s your glasses?”
Mina turned to her too, eyes tired mirroring hers, and sighed, “Oh, yeah. It’s bent.”
“Bent?”
The girl said nothing when she lazily grasped her sling bag and opened it, her hand roamed for her glasses, before showing it to Sana. She was right, it was bent. Sana took it from her and held it in her hands, observing it. It was still okay. It would be uncomfortable for Mina to wear it, but it still could be fixed. Sana remembered that weekend was near so they could go and fix this just in a day or two after.
“Just a little bit. I can still wear it.”
“What happened?”
Mina didn’t answer.
Sana sensed that something was wrong. She put both hands holding the glasses down and looked at Mina again, who was now looking down, “Mina? What happened?”
Mina hesitated. She hesitated a lot in front of Sana. Miss Kang had talked to her about it and advised her many times to be patient. Sana understood, though. If she were in the girl’s shoes she would do the same, even worse too. There were also some progress along the way, so it wasn’t like they were going nowhere. Mina was trying to get better, and all Sana had to do was patiently wait.
“You can tell me,” She said again, “I won’t be angry.”
There was a hushed sigh when Mina tapped her feet on the ground, and it made Sana notice that her shoes and socks were dirty. She looked at the girl more carefully and noticed that actually, her school uniform was a bit dirtier than usual. Sana almost frowned but she held it, knowing it would scare Mina and made her mum, and tried to be patient still.
“Did something happen?”
The nod was very, very hesitant, “I fell down.”
“You fell down?”
“Yeah.”
Sana knew there was something more than that, “Why?”
Mina pursed her lips, still looking down, “I tripped.”
“What made you trip?”
Both of her hands gripped the swing chain tighter, “Someone.”
Sana stopped asking then.
Mina still didn’t dare to look back at her.
She already knew that. Mina had told her before. She still remembered that it was only the first week of going to the new school that Mina said the only reason I’m not bullied is you, Detective. She was angry then, thinking that it was one of the most prestigious school in Seoul and yet its students still treated Mina like shit, but Mina repeatedly assured her that it was okay. That after everyone knew she was technically adopted by Detective Minatozaki Sana, no one wanted to mess with her ever again but it didn’t last long.
“I didn’t fight back.” Mina suddenly said again, and Sana tried her best not to look too pissed at what happened to her, “You told me I can’t do that. You said I can’t use my hands unless it’s for self-defense. That’s why,”
Sana couldn’t help but to remember when it happened.
There was one time some girl accused Mina of cheating in a math exam because all Mina did in school was sleeping and before Mina came, the girl used to be the smartest in her class, and it resulted in a brawl. Of course, Sana harshly taught a lesson or two to the girl who falsely accused Mina, but she also expressed her disappointment at Mina who got in a fight, again.
Both of them agreed to let go of the past and start things anew. Especially Mina, who went through countless medications and treatments to get better. Sana didn’t want her to throw everything away just because she still couldn’t maintain her anger. Miss Kang did tell her that Mina’s anger issues were a little hard to fix, but she was getting there.
This time, though, Sana felt that it was unfair.
“But they made you trip.”
A shrug, “Then they left me alone.”
“Why did they do that?”
“I don’t know.” The nonchalant answer made Sana frown, “Just for fun, I guess.”
“Do they do that a lot?”
“Well, no,”
“Then why did they do that?”
Another shrug, “I guess they don’t like the fact that I got accepted in the major they’ve always wanted.”
Oh, Sana finally understood. It made sense then. The way Mina had never done something bad but somehow her schoolmates kept picking on her just proved that all of them were envious. Was it what made Mina randomly sat in the park at this hour? Was she feeling bad about herself because of that incident?
“You should show me who they are later in your graduation day.” Sana looked to the front again, “I just want to nicely greet them. And their parents.”
Mina unexpectedly giggled, “No, you won’t do that.”
“Oh I so will.”
Her giggle was contagious so Sana did the same too. She then looked back to the glasses in her hands, making a mental note that she would do something about it.
“I feel like a loser.”
Mina suddenly said again, her giggle had faded then.
“Why are you a loser?”
“Because someone was being mean to me and I couldn’t stand up for myself.” Mina hugged herself, swinging slowly, “But then again it’s what you taught me, so, I don’t feel so bad.”
Sana smiled, she really wanted nothing but to hug the little girl but she held herself, “You’re not a loser. I’m proud of you.”
She could see a tiny smile on the girl’s face then.
“You know, everyone was mean to me too in my early days,” Sana suddenly said, she didn’t even know why she did, “it wasn’t a nice experience.”
“Really?” Mina jerked her head at her, seemingly interested in the story, “How was it?”
“It’s just,”
It was Sana’s turn to hesitate. She had never, ever told anyone about her early days as a police officer. Not even to her family. She had always been someone with a pride. There was nothing else she wanted more than to forget the things that went down in her early days. Even though she knew it was okay, that even the greatest police would understand, it still hurt her pride by merely remembering it.
But looking at how curious the girl beside her was, Sana didn’t have the heart not to tell her. She didn’t know when she got so fond of Mina until the point of not just tolerating, but embracing the presence of the girl in her life. It was a good thing; she supposed.
“You know,” Sana crossed her legs, thinking of a good way to start, “there’s not many policewomen, compared to policemen. Someone like me can still be doubted so imagine how it is for female newbies. It’s basically a hell on earth. You have to work thousand times harder than males just to prove yourself because like it or not, people will doubt you. People will look down on you.”
“Was that why you were bullied?”
There was a lopsided smile, “Yeah. Not exactly bullied, bullied, just… people above me felt like it was okay telling me to do things as they pleased, even if it was unnecessary. Well, actually, that, I could still tolerate, but I couldn’t stand at how they never trusted me.”
Mina hugged the swing chains and swung harder, still attentively listening.
“There were a lot of time they didn’t believe me if I said something. They wouldn’t even listen. And even if I ended up being right, someone else would take the credit. So, yeah, it sucks.”
“What was your first case like?”
“First case was umm…” Sana paused for some moments, “a neighborhood thief, I guess? I was still tasked to stay inside the office, it wasn’t my first field job.”
“Then what was your first field job?”
Sana still remembered it very clearly, “A murder of an old lady.”
Mina’s face lit up, “Tell me.”
“I was with Yoo Jungyeon, then. It was both our first field job. We were told to do a crime scene scan together, with some seniors, of course, and I remembered being so… taken aback at everything. But I was good at handling it. I thought it was a rare chance for me to be finally trusted enough to do a field job so I tried my best. Even though later I’d realize that it wasn’t the case at all,”
Mina frowned but Sana just chuckled, “What do you mean?”
“Yoo Jungyeon and I were chosen because the homicide division were lacking in officers. All of them were busy and occupied with other cases so that’s why,” She laughed again, “we weren’t chosen because they trusted us, but because there was no other choice.”
“But still,”
“Still, yeah, we were still grateful. We tried or best. It was… very exhausting. It was like being directly involved in a murder case for the first time. Our first time in a raw crime scene. Our first time seeing a real dead body. Our first time handling the hysterical family.”
Mina swung harder then, seemingly very interested in whatever Sana was telling her about.
“It was what made us placed in the homicide division.”
“Did you regret it?”
“Regret that I’m placed in the homicide division?”
Mina nodded.
“At first, yes.” Sana admitted, “I thought, what the hell did I get myself into? I was just pretending that I was strong enough. That I wasn’t too bothered with the whole thing. It was just all an act but then they decided that I should become a part of the homicide division. Imagine having to handle murder cases for the rest of your life. It was a nightmare.”
“How did you manage?”
“Well, there was…”
Sana hesitated again. She fiddled with the glasses in her hands as she came to realization that her early days wasn’t just about her job. There were some other things too. Sana had never been this open before. Her family only had so little idea about her young days because Sana never felt so fond of telling them things. Sana loved them still, and she knew they loved her too, just that their disapproval in her decision kept her away to be honest with them.
“There was what?”
The detective bit her lip, she couldn’t believe herself of talking about that again after so many years, “Someone. There was someone.”
Sana wasn’t looking but she knew Mina was smiling, “You have someone?”
“Had.” She corrected her, “I had someone.”
“Who was it?”
“Hmm…” Sana couldn’t help forming a very slight smile, “the very first one who supported me when I told her honestly that I wanted to be a police officer, instead of disagreeing with me.”
“Was she the first one you told?”
“No, I first told my family. My parents. Both of them were upset at me. It was totally hopeless. I thought that she would disagree too so I kept it from her for some time. But, yeah, she knew me too well and kind of, slowly lured me to tell what had been bothering me then.”
“Was she your school friend?”
“Yeah, she--”
“How did you two meet?”
Sana playfully made a face to the girl then, “I should’ve known you’d get so excited every time I talk about things like that.”
The girl whined, and it made Sana laugh again, “Tell me! I’m curious.”
“Alright, alright.” Sana faced front again, “She was my friend since middle school. I’ve liked her a lot then, and she liked me back. So in our first year in high school, we got together. Everything just seemed so simple. I would wake up early and pick her up so we’d walk together to school, and I would drop her off after school, you know. Since then I figured that I was the type to… how should I say it, to be committed. For someone that young, I sure dated for quite long.”
“Was she your first girlfriend?”
“Yes.” The nod was confident.
“Did she stay with you after you enrolled in the police academy?”
Another confident nod, “Yeah.”
“But in the end you broke up.”
“Yup.”
“Why?”
Sana’s lips parted, she had to admit it was still hurting her a little by saying it out loud, but she did anyway, “Because she deserved better.”
It earned her another frown, “Why? What happened?”
“Look,” Sana spoke slowly, “even my own parents disapproved my decision, so imagine hers.”
It made Mina silent.
Sana still remembered.
“They weren’t… bad or evil or anything. They didn’t threaten me or something, no. But they just thought that… she would be better off without me. She had a bright future ahead of her as a fashion design student. Meanwhile I was just… an officer. Working behind the desk, at that time. Sometimes when I was lucky I was told to get on the streets to control the traffic.” She laughed, and it was bitter, “It was fun, though. But it certainly not what they wanted for their daughter.”
“Then you agreed.”
“Then I agreed.”
“So you broke up with her.”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Did you cry?”
“Of course I did.” Sana side-eyed the girl, “She was my girlfriend for years. And to be… I don’t know, to be brought to the realization that she deserved better was just… man, that was something else.”
Mina giggled at the side eye, “Oh how sad. Imagine saying that in front of me.”
Sana needed a solid two seconds to realize what Mina meant so she quickly jerked her head to the girl, only to be laughed at, loudly.
“You--” Sana couldn’t believe that she talked about it so casually, “you’re not allowed to visit her again until I say so, you hear me?”
“I’m just kidding,” Mina said, in between her laugh, there was a hint of sadness in it, still, “and yeah, I heard you the first time. Don’t worry.”
Sana just scooted closer and roughly ruffled the girl’s hair. Their laughter filled the quiet air that dawn.
“But if,” Mina then asked again, “if you met her again after years, after now you’re a detective and all, do you think she still wants you back?”
Sana shook her head, “Mina, she’s married.”
“Oh.” Mina winced, “Ouch. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s been years. I think I can say that I’ve moved on.”
“Have you ever met her again after the break up?”
“Yeah,” Sana nodded, “she’s very kind. We lost contact after some time. She went overseas for her study for some years. But when she came back she approached me… she said she kind of wanted to at least stay being friends or something. But we’re never as close as we were back then. We don’t even talk that much.”
Mina started swinging again, “When did the last time you meet her?”
“On her wedding day.”
Mina stopped swinging immediately, “You came to her wedding?”
“Yeah?” Sana raised her brows, “She invited me.”
“Oh, that’s cruel.”
Sana shook her head again, “No, it wasn’t. It would be cruel if it happened when I still wasn’t over her, but at that time I’ve moved on, so it was fine. The groom was decent too, so yeah, it was okay. I also met her parents. They still remembered me.”
“How were they when they met you?”
“They were…” Sana tried to recall the day, “it was a little awkward. I remember they were kind of fazed too when I introduced myself. They said I changed a lot. We only talked for less than a minute then that’s it.”
“I bet they regretted saying things to you.”
“No,” Sana denied so Mina glared at her, “well, maybe yes, a little bit, but I did understand them back then. If she stayed with me, not only she wouldn’t be able to continue her study overseas, she would also had to be careful. I wasn’t someone important, then. I was just an officer. But sooner or later I would be more than that. And it would be… risky. For her.”
It felt so strange but it wasn’t so bad. Sana realized that a small part of her would always feel bad about herself about it. That she had to take longer time to prove herself, and others, that she was worthy of someone else. Not like she wasn’t trying, it was just the circumstances holding her back, and it was different for her compared to other people.
She silently brought a hand to her chest, holding it. There was something she felt after she opened up about her first relationship. Was it relief? Was it what Mina felt every time she finished a session with Miss Kang? Because if it was, then Sana wouldn’t question it anymore. It felt really good, like something heavy was lifted off of her chest.
“How long did it take for you to move on?”
The question brought Sana back to reality. She realized Mina wouldn’t stop asking until she knew everything about Sana’s love life.
She brought her hand back down onto her lap, “I don’t know, honestly. I was distracted a lot because of my job. It went on for months, then years, that I just… didn’t have time to think about her. Only when she came back and we talked again then I realized that I was over her.”
“Did she change a lot?”
“Well, she got a lot prettier.” Sana smiled, there was a time when she met her in a fancy café and was just awed the whole time, “Got a lot more mature, too. But she’s still the same. Still very kind, patient. Still her.”
“Do you think she felt the same about you?”
“Well, I sure hoped she did.” Sana answered honestly, chuckling a little, “I mean, I was no longer an officer in my uniform. I spoke well too. Like, it was ridiculous. I already felt nothing when talking to criminals but I felt a bit nervous when it was her.”
Mina’s smile was wide, “I’m sure she did.”
They were cliché. Sana realized that after they broke up. They were too good to be true. There was in no way the universe would let them stay together. Sana even felt that if her parents didn’t tell her that they wanted someone better for their daughter, Sana herself would realize it. Because it was bound to happen. They just weren’t meant to be.
“Did you date again after it?” Mina asked again, “Detective Hirai told me about that governor’s daughter.”
Sana jerked her head immediately, “What-- she told you? How, I mean, just, oh my God, what did she say about that?”
Mina couldn’t help but laugh seeing Sana panicking, “You did date a governor’s daughter, didn’t you?”
Sana put both palms covering her face, groaning, “Ugh, I just knew someone from the office would tell you about that.”
“What about it? Did something happen with her?”
“No, nothing, it’s just,” Sana sighed, “you know I’m not very open with people. Most of my colleagues don’t know much about my first girlfriend, probably only Yoo Jungyeon does, but this… governor’s daughter, yeah, almost everyone knows. And I’m just kind of embarrassed.”
“Mm-hmm,” Mina was still swinging, “mind telling me about her?”
“Yes.”
“Oh come on,” Mina whined again, stopped swinging to pull on Sana’s leather jacket, “tell me!”
Sana rolled her eyes, “What do you want to know?”
“Everything?”
She glared at her, “You can’t be serious.”
The girl giggled again, Sana wanted to pinch her cheeks but she maintained her poker face, “Is Detective Minatozaki Sana shy about her ex now?”
“I’m not,” She pursed her lips, she must not laugh, “shy. I’m not shy. It’s just something I don’t want to remember.”
“Well, I don’t want to remember my ex either but here we are.”
Sana made a face at Mina again, “Why-- since when did you start talking about her so easily like that?”
Mina just shrugged, letting go of Sana’s jacket, “I don’t know. Really.”
Sana just shook her head in disbelief, “I’m going to have to talk to Miss Kang after this.”
“Yeah, whatever, now tell me about the governor’s daughter.”
Another heavy sigh she let out, “Fine. I was invited to her father’s inauguration. Not just me, but there were Jungyeon, Momo and Jackson too. With Chief and some other higher ups. That was how I met her.”
“And then?”
“And then we got close. The governor was… pretty much liked me, so yeah, it just happened. She said she liked me--”
“Oh,” Mina was fascinated, “she was the one who confessed?”
“Yeah, pretty bold of her, huh.” Sana smirked, “She did. Well, I did like her too. She was… kind. She wasn’t stuck up like most politicians’ families were. She was rather humble. So yeah, we got together.”
“How did it go?”
“It went well at first.” Sana crossed her arms, swinging slowly, “She made me feel like I was being spoiled to death. She always sent me food, always called me when I wasn’t busy, she always asked first before calling if I was busy or not, I really appreciated that, even visiting me sometimes. Which is why everyone in the office knows about us.”
“She sounds lovely.”
Sana agreed, “She is.”
“Then what went wrong?”
Sana took a deep breath, she couldn’t believe that she was about to be honest, after all these years, “If you ask Momo about this, she’ll say that I broke up with her because I couldn’t keep up with her lavish lifestyle, and it’s true, yeah, partly. But there’s another reason.”
Mina kept silent, she knew Sana would continue.
“It’s because… I realized that I started gaining… no, not me, people started gaining fear of me.”
“People?”
“Yeah. My colleagues. The people I used to comfortably talk to, they feared me from time to time. They would avoid me, they wouldn’t even dare to look at me in the eye, and they would say yes to everything I say. It was obvious. And it made me really sad. It hit me that things had gone wrong. It made me realize that we were wrong. That the relationship was wrong.”
“Why?”
“Because I was then directly acquainted with a politician.” Sana looked at her, “I was directly linked to the government.”
Sana looked back down again, holding a sigh because she was tired of sighing.
“A police officer shouldn’t be feared, Mina. A police officer should be trusted. A police officer should be free from anything that threatened their independence and objectivity. I was crossing that line by dating her, a governor’s daughter.”
It all came again. Sana couldn’t believe that she had to do it twice. To let go of someone she loved not because she didn’t love them anymore, but because she just had to do it. Because there were more important things to consider rather than her own, their own, feelings. Because she never felt like her relationships were worth the consequences they would bring.
And it indeed didn’t last as long as her first relationship, but she still remembered the genuine hurt in her eyes when Sana told her that she couldn’t be with her any longer. What made it worse than the first one was Sana couldn’t be honest with her. She couldn’t just tell her she didn’t want to be acquainted with her, hence the I-couldn’t-keep-up-with-your-lifestyle reason. Sana knew she didn’t believe her then, but she respected Sana enough not to keep holding onto her.
“But you loved her.”
“I did.”
“And you still did that.”
“Yeah.”
“And no one other than you knows the real reason.”
Sana nodded, “Well, now you know.”
They both smiled at each other before looking down. They stayed in their own comfortable silence for some minutes. Even though she did have to dig up her unpleasant memories, Sana admitted that she was also relieved. She truly never told anyone the real reason of her last breakup. It was quite nice to finally say it oud loud, not just keeping it inside her head.
At last, time did heal. Sana was fine, then. She hoped she was fine too.
Sana then glanced at Mina, who was still silent.
“Hey,” She softly called, and Mina faced her, “how are you feeling?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, after we… talked about relationships. Are you feeling okay?”
“Oh,” Mina looked away again, Sana waited, “I uh, I don’t know,”
Sana wondered if time could heal Mina as well. What happened to her was nowhere near as cruel as what went down with the girl. Sana had always been extra careful about the topic, even avoiding it as best as she could, but there were indeed times when the talk was inevitable. Including this time. And seeing how Mina was so casual in joking about it earlier, Sana wanted to make sure if she was really okay with it.
“Maybe because all I talked about with Miss Kang was her nowadays that I started to feel… well, it still stings, somehow, but I can tolerate it better.”
“You talked about her with Miss Kang?”
“Yeah.” Mina rubbed her nape, Sana knew she was tired, “I was… I was in denial for some time. I didn’t want to accept that I was in love with her too because that would make me feel bad about myself. That I was willing to be… you know, fooled. Used. Whatever. That I was dumb and naïve. Miss Kang wanted me to change that.”
Sana nodded, letting her continue.
“I came to terms that I indeed was in love with her too.” Mina shook her head then, “No, I mean I’m still in love with her.”
Sana nodded again.
“And… and Miss Kang said that it was okay. I can be in love with her and it doesn’t mean that… I’m a bad person. It doesn’t mean that I agree with what she did. It doesn’t mean that I… dismissed everything you’ve done for me.”
Sana was a bit surprised with the last sentence. She never knew Mina thought like that before. She had to thank Miss Kang for changing it.
“That’s why I feel fine now.” Mina looked at her again, her smile was small but Sana returned a wider one, “You told me it would be fine for me to still remember her.”
She brought a hand to Mina’s head, “Yeah, Miss Kang’s right. You’re doing so well. I’m proud of you, you know?”
Sana lightly pinched Mina’s cheek before pulling her hand back. They went back to a comfortable silence then.
Sana’s eyes went back to the bent glasses on her lap. It somehow reminded her of the earlier times when she first had Mina, at how hard everything was, and now everything seemed to keep getting better. She was really proud of her.
Mina then mumbled, “Do you think we’ll find someone?”
“Hmm?”
“I sometimes wonder if I’ll find someone.” She continued, “Someone I can love the way I love her, and loves me back, of course.”
Sana kept mum, bringing her head up to look at the dark sky.
“Do you think like that too, Detective?”
“I used to.”
Mina didn’t seem so surprised with her answer, “Why did you lose hope?”
“No, I didn’t exactly lose hope.” Sana denied, even though she wasn’t sure about it, “I just… stopped thinking about it. I had two breakups and both were messy so I just felt like it would always be like that for me. As long as I stay in my job, in what I do, nothing will change. You get me?”
“And how long do you want to stay? How long do you want to keep… doing this?”
It did make her ponder. No one had ever asked her about it before.
“How long are you going to put others first before yourself?”
“For… as long as I can?” Sana answered with a little shrug, “It’s my job, after all.”
“Then who’s going to take care of you?”
Sana bit her lip at that. The question sounded familiar. It was the last thing her first girlfriend asked her when they broke up.
She knew Sana was having a hard time then. Sana herself couldn’t answer because she wasn’t even sure if she could go on without someone taking care of her, but she learned that it didn’t matter. What mattered more was her then girlfriend. And Sana was willing to lie through her watery eyes that she would be fine on her own. She ended up spending the night crying silently, trying so hard not to wake the other officers who slept in the same room as her.
“You know, when you get older, and all,” Mina continued, “but I get it. It’s fine if you don’t consider it anymore. It gets tiring. We’ll never know what’s going to happen anyway, right?”
The detective was amused, “You talk so well now.”
“Oh, I learned from the best.”
Sana made Mina’s hair a mess again then with her hand.
We’ll never know what’s going to happen anyway.
Yeah, Sana agreed, just like how she never knew it would end up like that. It was nothing unpleasant, even quite the opposite, but it still felt bittersweet. It was a huge change, and Sana couldn’t help but feel like she would lose her friend, no, she had already lost her. Things just wouldn’t be the same.
“You know,” Sana started again, “Yoo Jungyeon got promoted today.”
“Really? As the new Chief?”
“Yup. Well, yesterday, technically.” She hugged herself, “And yeah, it’s cool and all, but it just kind of hit me that wow, we came so far. We started together, had our first field job together, worked together in many cases, and then she’s suddenly a general leader. She’s no longer my colleague. She’s my leader now.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Weird.” It didn’t hurt to be honest with Mina, “I’m happy for her but I’m sad too. It’s like losing a friend. Of course I won’t lose her, we’ll still work together, but the fact that we can’t be in the same team anymore, we can’t talk carelessly with each other anymore, and there’s some formal protocol like a barrier between us… it’s just… it makes me sad.”
Sana would never say it out loud so she had a hope that Jungyeon would understand her. For Sana, the higher it got, the scarier it would be. She wasn’t just sad, she was a little afraid. She had seen countless of officers literally lost themselves on their way up. Sana never wanted it to happen to her friends. They were her friends first before they were her colleagues.
“You know,” Sana bit her lip, she felt like saying it, she had never told anyone else about it but somehow she felt she just had to say it, “I was offered to be the general leader at first.”
Mina’s lips parted, “You were?”
“Yeah.” Sana’s smile was sadder than before, “I was the first one Chief told that he would retire. I was his first choice to replace him. He didn’t tell anyone else about it, and I didn’t too, and he gave me some time to think. I thought about it a lot. Really, I did. I recalled what Chief did in that position. I imagined if it was me. And I decided I don’t want that.”
“Why?”
“It scares me. Being someone with a power over others. I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t think I will ever be ready.”
“Because a police officer shouldn’t be feared, but trusted?”
“Yes,” Sana turned to Mina, smiling, “you’re right.”
Mina smiled back, “You’re a great police officer.”
“Yeah, I get called that a lot.”
It resulted in them both giggling at each other.
“Geez, what time is it?” Sana stretched and yawned, the tiredness somehow just then decided to wash over her, “I had to go to work later.”
Judging by the sky that somehow looked a little brighter, Sana guessed they had reached the dawn time. And none of them had slept at all. She knew it wasn’t the weekend yet and they were probably screwed but yeah, whatever. She actually didn’t mind. They had a long talk and it was worth the time.
“Can I skip school?” Mina asked, her eye bags were visible, “I mean there’s nothing to do there anyway, we’re near the graduation. I’ll just probably sleep.”
“You’re lucky you’re about to graduate so you can skip it, but what about me? I just want to sleep but what should I say to Chief Yoo later?”
Mina did the cute smile again, “I’ll call her saying you got sick. How’s that?”
Sana stood up, a hand holding Mina’s glasses and the other one playfully pointed at the girl, “You’re a bad influence, you know that?”
Mina got on her feet too, then tiptoed to give Sana a kiss on her cheek, “I’ve been told.”
The girl then squatted down, roaming the grocery bag Sana had somehow forgotten, “Oh, yeah, can you bring that? I forgot I bought them.”
“I’m hungry, did you buy food?”
“I bought some ramen… now that you mentioned it, I’m hungry too.”
Mina looked up with a playful grin, “Want to cook the ramen?”
Sana sighed, she most times didn’t allow Mina to eat instant ramen because she just wouldn’t stop eating it, but Sana was feeling lenient at that moment, “Just for this time, yeah, let’s cook some. No, scratch it, let’s cook all of it. We’ll buy again tomorrow.”
“All of it?”
“Yeah, why? You don’t want to?”
“Of course I want to,” Mina giggled, sounding too happy just because Sana let her to eat more ramen, “we’re eating them all! It’s like a party.”
“A party,” Sana scoffed, “yeah, just the two of us, a house party at dawn.”
“A house party at dawn.” Mina repeated as she stood up, the grocery bag in her embrace, “I like that. Can we have more house parties at dawn?”
Sana huffed, picking Mina’s sling bag up, “No.”
“Oh, come on,” Mina nudged her, “you know it’s fun.”
Sana couldn’t maintain the poker face anymore so she laughed along, she always liked it when Mina was back being the little girl she actually was, “Where’s the fun if in the end I have to take you to the ER for too much instant food?”
“No, come on,”
They probably woke some of their next door neighbors when they got back, but it didn’t matter. Yoo Jungyeon would probably scold her for skipping a day when she was obviously healthy the night before, but it was okay. And the worst was Sana would probably get sick for real the next day because of the massive instant food she had, but yeah, whatever.
Sana had learned since a long time ago that she wouldn’t get that opportunity just anytime, so she would cherish it, for as long as she could.
****