Work Text:
Adam didn't know what day it was. He didn't know what time it was.
July? June?
He couldn't remember.
*
Ever since he came back from the camp, something felt like it was missing. When he was in Alaska, he was always doing something; always being helpful. He'd been busy trying to teach the mogadorians that they could be more then mindless killing machines.
It was the same during the war. He had been constantly busy, constantly working. Translating documents, demonstrating how the mogadorian technology worked, training, sleeping. It had been tough, but he found himself missing the distraction.
Now, he finally had the time to think.
To grieve.
And he hated it.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ella had been sent to fetch Adam for lunch. It was Marina's turn to cook and she'd made her signature dish, paella.
She found him in the corner of his room, curled up in a ball. The room itself was dark, the curtains haphazardly drawn shut. The first thing she noticed when her eyes adjusted to the inky black was a book that was lain discarded by his feet, dog-eared and tattered.
The second thing she noticed was that he was shaking. He was wearing a hoodie, the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Sobs wracked his shoulders, his fingers had turned an even lighter shade of white from gripping his arms too tight.
He didn't seem to notice her. She moved closer, resisting the urge to check his mind. Sometimes, she would find herself glancing into her friend's minds when they were distraught, as if she could find the answer to their troubles hidden away.
But having being told multiple times that it felt uncomfortable, she'd forced herself to stop.
Adam had started to slightly rock himself back and forth. He looked like a ceramic vase; waiting to tilt too far and shatter into a thousand pieces.
Ella felt her heartstrings pull and tear at the sight of someone as tall and defiant as him, curled up like a child.
She lingered for a moment, unsure how to approach. He'd accidentally lashed out on the few occasions where one of the Garde scared him. Bad habits from camp, he'd claimed.
Ella decided enough was enough when she saw dark red beading through his skin, his own naturally sharp nails pressing down so hard it had drawn blood.
She ran forward to comfort him, wrapping her arms around his frame. He jolted, obviously shocked. A piercing noise came from him, a half-sob, half-scream.
Ella pried the fingers from his skin, taking his hands in her own.
"You're okay. It's okay. You're safe."
Adam must have realised who it was because he lunged forward, hugging her tightly. He was still shaking, and his shoulders wouldn't stop wracking with sobs.
She stroked her hand through his wiry black hair. It was thin and he needed to wash it, but she didn't mind. The physical contact seemed to calm him down, and his head fell limp against her shoulder.
Minutes passed and neither of them moved. Slowly, the shaking diminished and disappeared. Ella didn't move, she knew he needed the comfort.
During the war, the girl had always sort of admired Adam's resilience. He never seemed to back down, show fear or weakness. She'd assumed it'd been a mogadorian thing.
Now she realised that he'd just pushed it down, down, down. Deep into a place far from the surface. You couldn't spot it from a glance, but after a few moments, you would start to notice the normal skittish mannerisms of someone who'd been through some shit.
It was no secret that all of her friends had suffered trauma. Fuck, even she had. Some were worse then others, but they had learnt to deal with it all the same.
Adam had bad coping habits. It was obvious. He'd mentioned before that Mogadorians didn't do feelings, and that had been that. He'd said that they were born into blood lust, and were expected to ignore feelings of remorse and grief. He'd never been taught how to deal with trauma.
It was clear in the way his nails would rake up and down his arms as he cried, leaving angry red lines in their wake.
It was clear in the way he would close himself off from the others when he was going through a bad episode.
It was clear in the way he wasn't eating enough.
When she'd first met him, he'd been a little on the lanky side. But then, he'd filled into his frame over the war. Even when he had came back from camp he had been heavier. The pale man was beginning to look like he was on the path to where he was before the war. The others needed to shake him back on track. Back into a routine.
Finally, he cleared his throat, shaking her from her thoughts.
"Thank you.."
His voice sounded hoarse and scratchy, like he needed a drink. It was only a mumble, but she could sense the gratitude. He lifted his head and Ella glimpsed his face for the first time.
His eyes were red and blotchy. There were dark bags under them, making the mogadorian looked older then he actually was. Tears stained his cheeks, which looked thin.
Ella smiled softly, squashing the pity out of her gaze. She knew it was the last thing he wanted to see.
"What's wrong?" She asked quietly. She half didn't expect him to reply; sometimes there wasn't an answer.
He sighed. It was long, and ridden with emotion. His mouth opened but no words came out. He blinked. Looked away. Shrugged his shoulders.
Ella sighed quietly to herself. She placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him to look at her.
"Do you want me to?..." Her voice trailed off. She knew he understood what she meant.
Adam closed his eyes. Nodded. Opened them.
"Please."
Ella breathed calmly through her nose and let it out slowly through her mouth. She closed her eyes and let her mind's normal hustle and bustle calm down. There was a pull in the corner of her conscious and she followed it. A cool azure blue filled her vision.
Then she was able to see multiple blue orbs. One right in front of her, some outside, a big jumble of them downstairs. If she concentrated hard enough, she could see one of her own, glowing directly where her heart was.
She reached out and touched the one in front of her. Her fingers grazed the surface of the ball energy.
The orb fizzled and grew bigger. Soon, it was bigger then her. The orb encompassed her completely until she was absorbed.
When she opened her eyes again, she was on a sunny beach. There were wide expanses of sand stretching far into the horizon on both sides. In front of her was a sea so bright and vibrant that she had to remind herself it wasn't real.
Two figures stood together a little ahead of her. She recognised Adam, his figure tall and well-postured. There was a girl next to him, facing her. She had long, blonde hair and eyes that battled the sea in serenity. Her skin was tanned and unblemished, a Loric pendant around her neck.
Ella caught her mouth falling agape. This was One. This was the first Loric in the charm.
Adam was laughing and One was grinning. She was obviously speculating about something, waving her arms all over the place.
Movement beside her caused her to turn her head. Adam appeared next to her. She blinked up at him, looking away from the memory
"I miss her so fucking much Ella. You have no idea." He whispered, voice cracking.
That wasn't exactly true, but she didn't say anything. She did have an idea. She had more then that. She could feel what Adam was feeling, just like they were her own emotions. The link between their consciousnesses allowed them to share more then just memories.
So she'd felt it all. Anguish so strong she felt like it was going to bring her to her knees. Regret. Grief. The whole lot.
When she looked back over, memory Adam and One had disappeared. The scenery was changing and moulding into a new shape, washing away like an over saturated painting.
Now they stood atop a hill. If Adam wanted to take control and share his memories with her, then she was happy to let him.
The sky was dark and storms raged angrily. Familiar blasts of lights and menacing looking fires lit up a clearing in front of them.
Even from here, Ella recognised the day. The others had all shared what they remembered about it. It was the attack on Lorien.
The screaming and shouting made her wince.
"Look."
Adam pointed. A hustle of nine children and ten or so adults were sprinting to reach a Loric ship. More Loric people fought the Mogadorians, defending the children. She noticed a man shooting cobalt blue rays of energy, protecting them from the flanks.
Not even moments later, he was shot down, and she heard one of the children scream. It looked like a miniature One. Blonde, shoulder-length hair and tanned skin.
But that wasn't what he meant. Adam wasn't pointing at them, he was pointing at two figures standing off to the side.
It was memory Adam and One. They appeared to be fighting. One was on the verge of tears as she watched the ships; the destruction of her planet.
Adam was watching with an alien expression on his face. It was like he was scanning the scene, plotting each part into his brain. He looked cold and unforgiving.
"This was when One showed me what my people had done to hers. What destruction they'd caused. It was disgusting." Adam whispered from beside her.
Ella blinked. She'd always had questions about his coma needling away in the back of her mind, but never knew when was the right time to ask. Now seemed pretty appropriate.
"Could you control what you saw?"
"No. She was in charge of that." Adam chuckled sadly, a forlorn look on his face. The tears began to slowly dry up as he watched the pair reminiscently.
Ella noticed he'd calmed down considerably, but his hands were still trembling. She reached out and grabbed them. She squeezed, to ground them both.
Adam looked at her with the ghost of a smile and squeezed back.
*
They flew through more memories. It was kind of a daze, as soon as one was over, there was another waiting. She witnessed a part of Adam she was sure no one else had seen. Maybe One, but not the others.
She saw how he had been treated when he was young. How his unrelated brother, Ivan, made everything a competition. How Adam would play with his younger sister, Kelly. How much nicer his mother was in comparison to the other mogadorians she'd seen.
Then the memories changed course. Slowly he shared more and more traumatic experiences. It was like reading a book, the plot thickening more and more. This was Adam's plot. Adam's story.
He told her that they had been trained to fight practically as soon as they could walk. Later on, if they were good enough, they were gifted semi-lethal blasters to practise with. They were only ten years old.
*
He showed her how his father had turned more and more violent with each passing day.
"Who was better to take your anger out on then your own disappointment of a son?" Adam said sarcastically, a bitterness lingering in his words.
"Adam, your family didn't deserve you. Your literal species doesn't deserve you. I want you to remember that. No other mogadorian is as strong or worthy as you. You have and always will be better then them." Ella spoke seriously.
He looked at her and blinked.
"Those are some wise words for a fifteen year old." He answered softly.
"Yeah well, someone had to say it."
*
They were watching a twelve year old Adam getting struck and screamed at, all for dropping his drink on the wooden floor of an empty looking hallway.
Ella looked up at him. Fierce tears had returned to shine in his eyes. She felt the overwhelming urge to hug him. So she did.
"Your fucker of a dad was an asshole. Nobody should have someone like that in their lives."
Adam chuckled at her use of language and hugged her back. Wiping his tears with the back of his hand, he sighed.
"Maybe not. But that doesn't matter now. He's dead."
There was a pause and they both watched as his mother tried to intervene after the general had slapped Adam so hard he'd fallen to the ground, gasping for breath.
Ella turned away. She didn't want to see this. She took Adam's hand in hers again. He squeezed it and she squeezed back.
"I want to show you something."
He spoke, breaking the silence. Ella nodded her head.
"Sure."
Ella watched as the white walls of the estate melted away into green grass. She could hear a fight taking place, the typical grunts and shouts tempting her fight or flight.
They were still at the estate, just outside. But she realised that this event had taken place later on after spotting John.
He was kneeling on the ground, the general's fist around his neck. His lips had gone blue and his eyes were red rimmed. She could smell the general's skin burning, which made her scrunch her nose in disgust.
She looked around for memory Adam; after all, he had to had be here to have the memory. That's when she saw him, gripping a menacing looking sword. She noticed the empty sheath on the general and put two and two together.
They watched as memory Adam lurched forward and stabbed the sword down on his father. It cut through the obsidian armour like a knife with butter.
He yanked it back out again and spoke, his tone un-wavering and cold.
"Straight through the back, isn't that how you do it father?"
The general turned and Ella saw his molten features stretch and gape in surprise. Memory Adam looked at him with such disgust that she was surprised he didn't disintegrate on the spot.
He reached out for his son but Adam stepped out of the way, letting him fall flat on his face.
Ella could feel how Adam had. It was so strong that she almost started like weeping.
Happy. Relieved. Shocked. Numb. Tired.
But the one that stuck out the most was the overwhelming feeling to cry. To break down and sob. He should feel happy right? He'd just killed his lifelong abuser. But he just felt tired. Tired of fighting, tired of running.
Tired of being.
He had wanted to live like a normal teenager ever since realising how corrupt the mogadorian culture was.
It was then that Ella realised Adam wasn't really all that different to her and the others. He'd spent all his life fighting and running too.
She turned to him, to say something, anything.
But he was crying again, lost in his own mind. He was staring at the pile of bones and ash his father had turned into.
Ella decided enough was enough and released her hold on him.
*
Adam opened his eyes, feeling dizzy. He remembered the mind link, and what he'd shown Ella. He noticed fresh streaks of tears on his cheeks and reached up to wipe them off with his hand.
Ella was sitting in front of him, blinking open her eyes. For a moment, they shone bright cobalt blue. But then she blinked again and it was gone, returned to their normal hue.
Neither of them spoke. They didn't need words. They both understood.
Ella stood up again. She reached a hand down for Adam to take.
He took it and heaved himself to his feet. They'd only been unconscious for a few seconds, but it had felt like a lifetime.
"We should join the others, they'll be wondering where we are."
Adam looked down at himself, taking in the clothes he'd worn for the past three days.
"Go change. I'll tell them you're taking a piss or something." Ella said.
"Language."
Ella laughed and turned out to head out the door.
"Hey. Wait." Adam called. She turned around to face him.
"Yes?.." She asked.
He pulled her into a tight hug.
"Thank you. I mean it."
She returned it gladly, and when he let her go she smiled at him. She finally left him alone to change and joined the others.
She felt like their bond had strengthened by tenfold.
It seemed like they could all learn from each other.