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This is fine, Jeno tells himself, when he spots an unfortunately familiar figure pushing open the glass door of the bookstore, complete with a simple button down, light blue backpack, and white sneakers that have seen better days.
No, really. This is fine. Jeno doesn’t work at the cashier’s counter, Jaemin does, and he’s doing a fantastic job at greeting said familiar figure with a dazzling smile. Jeno doesn’t man the in-store cafe, either, Donghyuck does, and he’s currently ducked under the counter, probably looking for more cups. As for Jeno, he’s not needed here. He just needs to do his job, which means going upstairs to check on their stock. This is fine. Jeno will be fine.
What’s not fine happens when Jeno descends the stairs again, stock accounted for, feeling proud of himself for being efficient. No, what he sees now isn’t fine.
So what is Jeno supposed to do? What, other than stand at the bottom of the stairs, behind the doorway leading to the main store, and watch as his bookmark falls out of the book in the abovementioned customer’s hand? His bookmark, carefully slotted inside a random copy of Totto-chan, with his handwriting and his thoughts and feelings written down carefully? His bookmark, signed with a looping, smudged J at the end?
What does it mean when said customer picks it up, reads it, and smiles, heck, giggles, even? And what does it mean when he immediately pays for that book and leaves with it, complete with bookmark?
Jeno is in trouble—of all people, why, why, why did it have to be Huang Renjun who stumbled upon this small bookstore and picked up a book he left a bookmark in?
Suddenly, he’s not so proud of himself after all.
Totto-chan is more significant to me than I thought it would be. It reminds me of my childhood, when things were simpler and I ran around under the sun in singlets and shorts and bare feet, then coming home to my grandmother’s warm smile. Back then, it had always felt like summers were never-ending, and I had the world to myself. It was a simple time, but my childhood was the time in which I learned all the little skills I would need in life—how to be kind to people and animals, how to cherish and care for the people and things you love, and how to live life without regrets. I hope that by choosing Totto-chan, you will also gain the chance to look back at your childhood, and remember the things you knew all along but may have forgotten. —J
Geographically, the bookstore, the university campus, and Jeno’s outrageously overpriced rented apartment form a nice, almost equilateral triangle. And since Jeno’s life pretty much only involves these three locations, Jaemin, just being Jaemin, has termed this area to be Jeno’s Bermuda Triangle.
It’s very, very pleasant in this bookshop, that’s undeniable. The ambience is perfect, they stock a wide range of books and make an effort to stock local writers’ works, and the cafe has great cakes and drinks. The customers think it’s so lovely they quickly become regulars, even if they don’t get new customers often. The bookstore is so far deep into a narrow alley, nobody really manages to just stumble upon it. The employees certainly enjoy the relaxed and welcoming work environment very much, so it’s not uncommon to find Jaemin, Donghyuck, and Jeno taking on extra hours when they can. Jeno, in particular, because not to be sappy, but the bookstore is beginning to feel more like a home than “home” does (Jeno can’t really find it within himself to improve his living environment, so he just lives with the bad lighting and the strange layout of furniture).
The bookstore—it’s called Callisto, and Jeno loves it. He can’t quite remember how he found it in the first place, but now that he has and won’t ever not know where it is again, Callisto never fails to remind him of a long-gone childhood. Bamboo helicopters, straw hats, incense and candles, and his grandmother, threading a needle effortlessly, sitting in a rocking chair, patching up the scratches and tears in clothes Jeno invariably brings back home after running along dirt paths and crawling under fences. Jeno really, really should go visit her soon.
Quite funny that Jeno’s job is to take stock and handle logistics in general, when the owner offered him a storefront job on his second visit. But if you do think about it it’s not surprising at all—Jeno hasn’t really ever wanted to be out there , or something like that—coordinating the functioning of what goes on in the spotlight works just fine for Jeno. He couldn’t do Jaemin and Donghyuck’s jobs any better than they already do, anyway, he’d just give people the wrong change and spill many, many drinks. So the alternating between stacking books on shelves and working upstairs in the storeroom is honestly perfect for Jeno. And don’t tell anyone, but the storeroom is pretty warm and great for secret breaks during a shift.
And as for Renjun’s appearance... well .
See, this wouldn’t be such a disaster if Jeno weren’t so nervous and jittery about the whole... situation.
It’s not a crush, Jaemin told him very, very firmly when the problem first came about, hands weighing down on Jeno’s shoulders and all. Just—eye candy. That’s all. No commitment, nothing to act on. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.
And of course it’s fine for Jaemin, who’s always ready to appreciate a pretty boy, but to Jeno— what?
He hasn’t even really talked to Renjun before. They met during the university’s orientation period, where Jeno still had hopes for improving the lack of liveliness that perpetuated in his apartment. It was at Ikea, where Jeno was staring helplessly at the rows of potted plants, and Renjun pointed out a succulent. Just out of the goodness of his heart, and then Renjun had leaned in and told him how it was easy to care for and how you only needed to leave it in a sunny but cool spot and water it regularly. That was all. Jeno bought the succulent, and it still is alive, but he has never talked to Renjun ever again.
He doesn’t even know if Renjun knows him in the first place—he does wear a nametag around Callisto, but Renjun hasn’t actually seen him there yet, so Renjun doesn’t know that he’s here at all. There’s no guaranteeing that Renjun remembers him from their Ikea encounter, nor did they exchange names then. Jeno only knows Renjun’s name because he...let Jaemin creep around on the Instagram accounts of people in their year until he landed on the right guy (it took Jaemin two tries, because Jeno is very predictable and Jaemin very shrewd). After Ikea, Jeno hasn’t seen Renjun properly either, because in the few times Jeno spotted Renjun on campus, he’d take one look, panic, and brisk walk in the other direction so fast Jaemin has to run after Jeno by the time he realises what was happening.
So. Jeno’s definitely in trouble.
It was fine when his opportunities to interact with Renjun were limited to the possibility of him not noticing Renjun nearby on campus. No, Jeno rarely had to think about the idea of talking to Renjun again back then. But now that Renjun has found Callisto and has bought a book from it, and may very possibly become a regular, Jeno has to actively deal with the prospect of having Renjun within a ten-metre radius of him for an hour, two hours, maybe even more. That’s not ideal at all. At least Jeno has reasons to not be in the main store all the time, but how long can he last? He’s supposed to be the one giving suggestions to customers when they’re lost, too.
That’s partially the reason why these bookmarks exist in the first place. Jeno reads a lot, less now that he’s in university majoring in a very much science-based field, but nevertheless, a lot. More than Donghyuck and Jaemin, definitely. So as the resident book expert, Jeno took it upon himself to leave a handwritten bookmark in a random copy of the books he’s read before and enjoyed. There’s not much on it, just his thoughts and feelings about the story and the author and the style. Totto-chan, in particular, contained a bookmark Jeno scribbled onto at 3.45am, getting emotional and missing his grandmother and their village after finishing his essay.
It’s just a little embarrassing, the nostalgia and childhood memories that particular bookmark is drenched in. Just slightly. Almost embarrassing. People like Jaemin would just think that Jeno’s cute for it, people like Renjun—Jeno doesn’t know.
So why did it have to be Renjun? Jeno has so many questions for the world, and he would like to shake a frustrated fist and whatever higher entity it is that is presiding over his life. Why, why, why?
Of all the (three) places Jeno can be at, why did Renjun have to be at Callisto? Jeno, being the devastatingly chronic overthinker he just is, already spent hours in useless lectures and hours lying on his back on the floor at night pondering what he would do if he just had to interact with Renjun again instead of quietly observing him online or 50 metres away. He’s even got his whole thought process down in his brain like one of the flowcharts he’s done way too many of ever since he started university.
If he meets Renjun on campus, run away quickly. If he doesn’t manage to run away quickly enough, ignore Renjun unless he approaches Jeno himself. If Renjun does approach him, make the most painful small talk, and lie about having somewhere to rush off to. If the lie fails, just run, and leave Jaemin to clean up the mess, because he’s really good at it and knows just how to handle the aftermath of Jeno’s habit of running away from his problems.
If he meets Renjun near his apartment, which is still possible to some extent considering everybody lives around the area, the procedures are the same. Except since Jaemin is probably not there with him, Jeno will instead opt for ending the conversation abruptly, and hightailing back into his apartment.
Foolproof. Jeno always thought he was ready, but it seems like it was foolproof until now.
Why, why, why the bookstore? Jeno hadn’t even entertained the thought of Renjun appearing at Callisto in the first place. There’s no reason for Renjun to turn up there, especially when it’s so well hidden away. Jeno even considered the possibilities of meeting Renjun at the community centre where he tutors elementary school students for science every week, because it’s a pretty popular volunteering spot and Renjun’s apparently some kind of math whiz even though he majors in fine arts. But no, never at Callisto.
It’s very, very strange. Jeno can only sit on an unopened box of new stock in the storeroom and let his thoughts run around, unmoving though the afternoon sun is turning the storeroom into a sauna. It doesn’t show on his face, but he’s been screaming internally for a good twenty minutes at this point.
This long, somewhat cathartic scream is interrupted by Jaemin (as usual), throwing the storeroom door open while his eyebrows wriggle up and down in a distinctively Jaemin-like manner (don’t ask what that means. Jeno just has never seen more...expressive eyebrows than Jaemin’s).
“Ren—”
“I know,” Jeno doesn’t miss a beat, though he’s still spacing out, staring at the wood-layered walls and flattened cardboard boxes along those walls.
“Yeah, and he bought—”
“ Totto-chan. I know. And then he might come back more, yes. I know, Jaemin.”
“But,” Jaemin’s eyebrows are back in action, “you don’t know what to do. So I’m here to tell you what to do.”
With a heavy, resigned groan, Jeno leans back, bumps his head into an adjacent shelf, and waves a hand at Jaemin. He might as well listen, and Jaemin’s already got that determined shark-like smile on, so Jeno’s going to hear about this at some point anyway.
“Just talk to him,” Jaemin declares loftily, hands resting on his hips, “I talked to him today. He’s got a nice voice. He likes the bookmark a lot, said that it’s simple but meaningful, and he really wants to know who J is. There! A conversation starter.”
“No.”
“What , then?” Jaemin flaps his hands in Jeno’s direction, and Jeno wishes that he had an answer. “Just going to keep pining after him? I thought we established that Renjun is eye candy to you. Why are you even thinking so deeply into this? Just look at the boy and appreciate that he’s pretty! If you don’t want to talk to him, don’t pine. If you’re going to pine, stop it, talk to him, admit that you want something more than...this.”
“I just can’t,” Jeno moans, pushing himself up from the box and shoving Jaemin out of the storeroom with him. “He’s just. Too pretty. I don’t know. Let’s go home, Jaemin.”
They wave goodbye to Donghyuck, still wiping down mugs behind the counter, and begin their walk back to their own homes. The conversation about Renjun was dropped, and the rest of their time together is spent complaining about coursework and bad project groups. Jaemin tries to say something about the whole eye-candy-or-more fiasco again when Jeno deposits him at his apartment building, but Jeno’s already turned and left, hands in his pockets and earbuds plugged in.
It’s during the short but lonely walk home that Jeno realises why exactly he’s so distressed about Renjun showing up in Callisto.
It’s not because Renjun’s pretty, or even because he’ll likely have to be around Renjun a lot more now. It’s because—Callisto may as well be a part of Jeno’s personality at this point. The bookmarks he’s left all over the shelves, slipped inside the books are all little pieces of Jeno himself. How many of them will Renjun find? He doesn’t mind regulars or even random customers picking them up, because there’s either no commitment, or Jeno gets to talk about something he’s passionate for with someone who has similar interests. But with Renjun—Jeno feels like he’s baring his soul with an entity he doesn’t know how to label—who is Renjun? To the world, to Renjun himself, but more importantly, to Jeno?
If you’ve never read To Kill A Mockingbird before, you need to read it now . I’m not lying when I say everybody comes out of reading this book a different, more mature person, no matter how old they are. We learn not just from Atticus, but from Scout and Jem as well. There is something wise about every character in this book. Believe me, no matter who you are, there is something you can learn from this book. There is so much of the world and what we do in it that each of us doesn’t know, and this book has a pretty good chance of telling you what exactly it is that you don’t know yet. —J
Things are peaceful for a whole week. Jeno attends classes, gets his work back on track, avoids existential dread, and has a good time working. Callisto is nice as usual. University is, for once, kind.
Then, of course, at the end of the week, the universe decides that Jeno’s had a good time for too long.
To get straight to the point, Jeno nearly walks right into Renjun’s path while carrying a boxload of new books. If it weren’t for his unusually fast reflexes when it comes to possible encounters with Renjun and his immediate turn into a nearby aisle between two of their already minimal shelves...Jeno doesn’t dare think more. For now he cowers behind that shelf, trying to keep calm and stack the books he’s supposed to. But with Renjun on the other side of the same shelf, it’s proving to be just a little difficult. Jeno doesn’t even know he’s doing it, but Renjun doesn’t seem to notice Jeno peering through the gaps in the books to look at him.
It’s only when Renjun stops just opposite Jeno, peering at the spine of one particular book before pulling it out that Jeno snaps out of it and nervously slinks away, box of books still full.
And there it is, very unfortunately for Jeno yet again. There’s the bookmark, a forest green one this time, sticking out of...ah. To Kill A Mockingbird. A classic, and Jeno has to applaud Renjun’s taste in books. If not for the very obvious bookmark, Jeno would be quite delighted that Renjun appreciates good literature.
Just like he did the last time, Renjun flips to the page with the bookmark first, drawing it out and reading it before as much as glancing at the book’s blurb. Jeno doesn’t even remember what he wrote on that bookmark, but it doesn’t prompt a laugh from Renjun this time. Such a shame, Jeno admits to himself, before shaking himself out of it and going back to his work. He’d hoped just a little that Renjun would smile that lovely, lovely smile of his again. Just a small wish from Jeno, but it’s alright.
Renjun is in no hurry this time. He smiles at Donghyuck, who already remembers Renjun from his previous visit, and orders a drink. Jeno thinks he hears “mocha, with whipped cream” in their exchange before Renjun steps away to look for a seat. Another bonus in Renjun’s favour, not that this bonus is helping Jeno at all with his...predicament. Also, he might have placed quite a few books in the wrong place. The Handmaid’s Tale is certainly not supposed to be in the romance section.
Still, stocking up is a mostly mindless affair, and Jeno finds himself reflecting on the situation at hand. So far, Renjun has been to Callisto twice, and he’s found one of Jeno’s bookmarks both times. With how he’s cracking the book open and diving into it over at the cafe section of the store, he’s probably taking this one with him too. Jeno wants to scream again.
Is it really that easy to find his bookmarks?
Yes, a sensible voice interrupts, and it sounds annoyingly like Jaemin. But it’s still the truth—Jeno has left a great number of bookmarks around Callisto, and a good number of customers who are actually here for the books end up leaving with a bookmark. It doesn’t help that so far, Renjun seems to have the same taste in literature as Jeno does. Damn, Jeno brought this upon himself, didn’t he? If not for the few customers weaving leisurely between the shelves, Jeno would have rammed his head into the one in front of him. At least if he weren’t conscious he wouldn’t have to think so much about all this.
Renjun buys the copy of To Kill A Mockingbird, just as Jeno expected, but with the familiar forest green bookmark now marking Renjun’s page as he leaves Callisto. That gives Jeno a total of two bookmarks in Renjun’s possession. Not so good, but considering he spent the duration of Renjun’s entire visit downstairs and not hiding away in the storeroom but yet managed to avoid Renjun the other time, Jeno has won a small battle. A small success. Jaemin would scold him for overthinking and also for being a coward, but it’s alright. Jaemin’s scolded him enough throughout the years for Jeno to be immune.
But it’s not Jaemin who comes to bother him when their shift ends—it’s Donghyuck, who has a shorter shift on this day and is currently throwing an over-affectionate arm over Jeno’s shoulder.
“So,” Donghyuck’s eyebrows are certainly not as expressive as Jaemin’s, but his tone, ew, has the same effect. “Pretty boy in the store today. Read To Kill A Mockingbird , and ordered a mocha. Took your bookmark. I know you were,” Donghyuck waves his right hand around in a complicated flourish, “avoiding him.”
So Jeno is that easy to see through. There’s no point denying it to Donghyuck of all people, so Jeno shrugs and drops his head onto Donghyuck’s shoulder miserably.
“I knew it,” Donghyuck breathes out, though Jeno doesn’t see how this is a big revelation at all, “wow. He’s a regular now, definitely. Go get your man, young padawan.”
How many times does Jeno have to hear this? “No.”
“Well,” Donghyuck sighs, gently pushing Jeno away and heading for the door, “that’s up to you. No guarantees that I won’t snag him first, though.” And with a final wink and a quick bow, Donghyuck flounces out of Callisto, leaving Jeno to stare blankly after him.
As Jaemin shoots him a concerned frown from the cashier’s counter, Jeno launches into another self-reflection session. True—why doesn’t he dare go after Renjun?
It’s because he doesn’t know Renjun, Jeno tells himself, moving aimlessly around the store and pointing customers to different shelves. This would be easier if Jeno actually knew Renjun better than he does now. Isn’t it shallow to like someone based on their looks and a single interaction? No, it’s not the time for Jeno to pursue Renjun like that . There’s just no chance for him to do that, and Jeno’s pretty sure he’s got a ridiculous number of essays and projects due soon, and also exams. Back to work he goes.
Alright, I know everybody’s read The Da Vinci Code, but honestly, Angels and Demons is still superior. Really. It’s the first of Dan Brown’s Langdon books, but the Langdon books just seem more and more formulated, you know? Angels and Demons, though—this one is new. Wonderfully written, no time for you to breathe (I finished it in five hours even though I had midterms the next week…), and my favourite thing about Dan Brown’s works—you learn a lot. I certainly learned a lot of factual knowledge I probably won’t need from Angels and Demons, but hey, it’s just good to be entertained and yet gain knowledge at the same time. Please don’t be like me and start reading this if you have other important things to attend to, though. —J
“Good morning,” Donghyuck chirps, “had a good off day?
Very much the contrary, actually. Jeno only skipped out on work the previous day because he had two papers to rush and a project to carry for his entire group of bastards. Presently, Jeno is still sleep-deprived, and drapes his entire frame over Jaemin, who’s in turn leaning over the cafe counter with his elbows propping them both up. Callisto doesn’t open till another half an hour later, and Jeno hears the crinkle of money and Jaemin asking for a mocha. Bless him, really, Jaemin’s quite the naggy type, but Jeno couldn’t ask for a better best friend.
Later, when the three of them are sitting around one of the tables, Jeno sipping at his delight of a free mocha, Jaemin and Donghyuck start recounting what Jeno missed the day before.
“That lady with the service dog came by again, and it’s hard to believe, but she’s even lovelier than the dog is—”
“Oh, someone picked up a deck of tarot cards and started doing free readings right here—”
“I think we need to stock up on The Great Gatsby again, Jeno, but I don’t know why it’s so popular—”
“Pretty boy dropped by again—”
“He did?”
Jeno’s sitting up straight now, scanning the shelves and books absently, while Jaemin mutters bitterly about how Renjun is the only Callisto-related thing Jeno’s interested in at this point. Donghyuck, in the meantime, opts to reach out and pat Jeno’s shoulder sympathetically. “Yes, he came by, same blue backpack, same cafe order, picked up Angels and Demons and also left with it.”
Jeno’s eyes narrow into slits. Angels and Demons.
“Another bookmark, Jeno? How many of these did you leave around here?”
Oh, dear. Jeno squeezes his eyes shut. Distantly, Jaemin wonders aloud about whether Jeno wants to see Renjun or not.
“That’s besides the point,” Donghyuck is using that annoying tone he always slips into when he has something big to reveal, “he asked about the bookmarks this time.”
“Don’t worry!” Donghyuck interjects quickly when Jeno’s eyes fly open and his grip on his coffee tightens so fast he’s in danger of spilling the mug’s contents. “No, I didn’t tell him anything, I just said that it was one of the workers here. And also that they did this a lot. He was very persistent—vouch for me, Jaemin—but I didn’t say anything.”
“Confirmed,” Jaemin raises his hand on Jeno’s left, “Hyuck did not spill, but Renjun pestered him for half an hour. Wipe that devastated look off your face, this just means that he appreciates the bookmarks.”
Jeno casts a helpless look to his coworkers. “But what if he knows— ”
“Nonsense, Jeno,” Jaemin waves a dismissive hand at Jeno while Donghyuck joins in shortly after, “there are about six people who work here whose names also start with J. It could even be me.”
“You don’t read.”
“That’s true,” Jaemin hums lightly, plucking the empty mug from Jeno’s hands, “but Renjun doesn’t know that. Time to open the store, comrades. Jeno, so is it a good thing that Renjun has your bookmarks or not? Do you want him to know you or not? No, don’t answer, I know you don’t actually have an answer.”
Ender’s Game is insightful in a way I don’t know how to explain. The futuristic genre is something I personally always enjoy, but more than that, I appreciate the deep, deep thought it prompts for anybody from children who likely barely understand the novel to adults who very well know what it’s trying to say. The central characters in Ender’s Game are all children. These children lead childhoods that are unimaginable to us, but yet there is something about them that touches us and makes us realise that a child, no matter the circumstances, is a child. Ender’s Game tells a story that resonates with you, no matter who you are. —J
Time passes both slowly and quickly when you’re in university, Jeno knows this very well. When you rush essays as frequently as Jeno does, however, you’re more likely to be acquainted with time passing way too fast all the time. To this, Jeno expresses his sympathy. Another relatively peaceful week passes at Callisto, with Renjun popping in just once to grab a mocha and go, but not before prodding some more at Donghyuck about “J from the bookmarks”. After Renjun had zipped out of the bookstore as quickly as he came, Jaemin started laughing at Jeno cowering behind a shelf near enough for him to still stare at Renjun while he was bothering Donghyuck. Jeno can do nothing but shake his fist in annoyance (and embarrassment).
Things have to go wrong, don’t they? But ah, it’s not going to be just another bookmark in Renjun’s hands again this time.
In addition to the one Renjun appearance at Callisto, Jeno has somehow started to spot Renjun around campus way more frequently than usual. Maybe it’s not that surprising—timetables just got shuffled around, so the logical conclusion is that Renjun’s classes were now scheduled at around the same time and same place Jeno’s were, so it was only natural that Jeno saw him from time to time. But Jeno, being the prime example of a desperate man in a crisis, chooses to blame this on—
“God has forsaken me,” Jeno declares to Jaemin and Donghyuck over Skype. He looks and sounds calm, but that’s only because even he, problem avoider extraordinaire, has nowhere to run away to now. He can ignore Renjun all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that he will inevitably see Renjun more on top of his irregular appearances at Callisto. That—is unavoidable. “I have to see more of that pretty, pretty face more now. I would say god help me, but truthfully, whatever god they are, they’re not really helping.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” comes Jaemin’s voice, lagging behind his video feed by just a split second but annoying Jeno all the same. “Why are you so dramatic? People always think I’m the dramatic one, but it’ll have to be you now. Just—” Jaemin throws his hands up, “just talk to him, Jeno? He’s our age. He goes to the same university as you do. You’ve talked once, and you have the same taste in literature. It doesn’t get any easier than this.”
Jeno can’t.
“He asked me about the bookmarks too. When you were hiding in the storeroom. So now he’s narrowed down the people who left the bookmarks there to...5. Seriously, Jeno, he wants to talk to you too.”
Something’s bothering Jeno. “Well, what if I just like him because he’s pretty? How do I know that I really do want to be friends, or like...more?”
A resounding silence. Jeno gets quite uncomfortable and has to ask if the internet connection is so bad that their feeds all lagged. He gets no reply—both Donghyuck and Jaemin stare unmovingly into their webcams.
“There is,” Donghyuck enunciates very, very slowly, “one clown in every three people. It’s not Jaemin, and it’s certainly not me. Do you even hear yourself, Jeno?”
Miserably, Jeno does.
They don’t talk for long after that, since every other sentence from Jaemin and Donghyuck is punctuated with an exasperated sigh. The sighing continues on into the next day, when it’s the trio’s turn to open up Callisto again and Jeno’s turn to pay for a coffee (six-shot americano) for Jaemin.
“Jeno, I mean it,” Donghyuck mumbles, forehead pressing into the table they’re gathered around, “if you don’t either talk to Renjun or stop avoiding and pining after him, I will snag him. A hundred percent. He is very pretty.”
“Yeah, okay, but,” Jeno’s hands are wringing together so intensely Jaemin slaps his own hand over them, “I would like to. Be friends with him first, I guess.”
“Deal,” Jaemin doesn’t even need to process Jeno’s statement. “But to be friends, you’ll have to talk to him. Here—he mentioned that he’s probably coming by today—don’t look so shocked, I talk to customers way more than you do. He’s coming by today, so for everybody’s sake, talk to him today . If you don’t, Renjun is subject to—” Donghyuck wriggles his fingers with a dangerous raise of his eyebrows, “...whatever Donghyuck’s plotting. It’s 8am, get up.”
With a final loud slurp from Jaemin and the americano drained the deal is sealed. Jeno knows he can’t even begin to argue against either Jaemin or Donghyuck, let alone the both of them. Jeno thinks his coworkers must be demons, but one of them is his best friend, and the other makes really good coffee, so he can’t complain, he supposes.
Renjun does come in, as promised. He gets a mocha like always, picks out a book— Ender’s Game , wow, Jeno’s slightly breathless—and sits down in the cafe. Jeno, on the other hand, has been acting as if he were exceptionally busy all this time, almost as if on reflex. Across the store, Jaemin’s gesturing wildly at him, which is not great at all , but Jeno just—just can’t . How is he supposed to start a conversation? How is he supposed to introduce himself? Does Jeno need to introduce himself? No, why would Jeno talk to Renjun at all? No, no, where would the conversation go—
“Hello?”
The voice almost makes Jeno jump out of his skin, but he just freezes instead. After all, it’s been a while since Jeno last heard Renjun’s voice so clearly.
Jeno knows he’s slipping into his default customer service smile and voice as he turns around and greets Renjun— was he always this small?
“Ah, uh, I’ve been coming here for a while and asking the same thing over and over…but your co-workers aren’t telling me anything...could you tell me about the employee who’s been leaving these bookmarks in the books?”
Viola—turns out Jeno did leave a bookmark in Ender’s Game. A pretty dark blue one, balanced delicately between Renjun’s fingers. Internally, Jeno miserably congratulates himself.
“Ah, well,” Jeno busies his hands with the copy of The King’s Deception he happened to be holding and tries to keep his voice steady, “it’s not, uh. It’s not my place...to say. So...I can’t…tell you more—sorry!” Jeno swallows nervously, determined to look anywhere but at Renjun. “But he...really does love books.”
What the hell is Jeno even saying?
“I see,” Renjun nods. Jeno’s been holding his breath this entire time, it seems. “What about you, then?”
Pause. “Me?”
“Yeah, you look like you’d be pretty well-read,” Renjun hasn’t stopped nodding, “what do you think of this book, then?”
This is almost as bad as public speaking. If Jeno messes with this copy of The King’s Deception anymore it’s going to be dog-eared even before it’s sold, so he slots it haphazardly into the shelf behind him. “ Ender’s Game ? Uh,” Jeno can do this, it’s just a book, and it’s a book he likes, “I think it’s quite the work of art. It gives us perspectives into a futuristic world, that’s for sure, and personally...I’m always up for things like that. And since you’ve read some of it already it won’t hurt to tell you...the idea of a childhood not lived. It’s not relatable, but it’s resonating. There are more themes in the book that invoke similar feelings. It’s worth your time, really, you should continue on—yeah.”
There is an understanding shine in Renjun’s eyes, Jeno thinks. “I see,” says Renjun pensively, “I did buy it. I have to go, but I’ll be sure to finish the book.” Renjun’s stepping away and towards the door, and surprisingly, Jeno wants Renjun back in front of him. “Thank you for your review!”
Jeno raises a hand to wave Renjun goodbye, still a little out of it, but Renjun has turned around before he even reached the door, finger raised and pointing directly at Jeno. “Hey, you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah,” the tip of Renjun’s finger is resting on his chin now. “You’re Lee Jeno, right? Veterinary medicine, volunteers at the community center? Tutoring kids?”
“Uh, yeah.” Jeno’s not even nervous anymore, just bewildered. “That’s me.”
Renjun snaps his fingers loudly—thank god Callisto is relatively empty at this hour. “Right! I’m going to start volunteering there soon too, so I guess we’ll be seeing each other more! So,” Renjun bounces up and down for a moment, endearingly awkward. “See you soon, Jeno!”
And with a final bounce, he’s out of the door.
Jeno turns around to find a baffled Jaemin, and a delighted Donghyuck.
Needless to say, they conference call again after getting off work. Donghyuck isn’t even remotely disappointed that he can’t carry out his Renjun-related schemes anymore. Things are good, Jeno supposes. Could’ve been worse.
But for Jeno— what now?
All Quiet On The Western Front is one of my more recent reads, but I really, really did enjoy it. There is a multitude of war-related historically based fiction out there in the world, sure, but All Quiet On The Western Front is especially thought-provoking, and admittedly, especially heart-wrenching. I don’t have much to say about this book, but I hope that you remember to always do the things you’ve always wanted to before it’s too late. —J
A book is handed wordlessly to Jeno three days later when his shift ends and Donghyuck is closing up the store. The Little Prince , Jeno nods down at it. He thought they were out of copies of this book when he checked their stock yesterday, but ah, well, back to the shelves it goes.
“No, Jeno—” Jaemin smacks him on the back before he can turn away, “Jeno, that’s for you .”
Jeno, unsure of how to respond, blinks owlishly. It’s been a while since someone gave him a book, and from Jaemin, who never gives him anything practical? “Thanks?”
“It’s not from him, but open it,” Donghyuck calls from somewhere near the front, keys swinging around his finger.
Still not sure of what this is all about, Jeno complies.
Ah. Maybe Jeno didn’t need to think so much about his boy-related woes after all.
A yellow bookmark flutters out of the book and drifts down onto the counter. It’s written on, much like the ones Jeno is most familiar with. There are no pictures or patterns on it, just a neat, handwritten message.
Hi! I’ve been asking around but I still don’t know who you are...so I asked your coworkers to give this to you. The Little Prince is one of my favourites, so I hope you enjoy reading it! I’ve picked up quite a few of your bookmarks so far, and I really like them! Thank you for writing them, they’re really insightful, and they all give me even more reason to continue reading the book itself. I really really do appreciate your thoughts and opinions on these books, so...let’s maybe be friends? It’s okay if you don’t want to reveal your identity, but you can find my number on the back of this bookmark if you decide that you would also like a friend to talk to about the books you love! Have a nice day :) —R
Jeno has to do several double-takes while reading the note on the bookmark—he rereads it again when he spots the signature at the end. When he does finish it, though, Donghyuck and Jaemin have already done the same long ago, and now Jeno’s being shaken around by his shoulders by them both.
“Text him,” Jaemin hisses, while Donghyuck flips the bookmark over to reveal, as promised, a phone number, “Yes, Renjun passed it to me when he was buying another book—All Quiet On The Western Front, by the way, you have another bookmark in there, yes. But I didn’t know he was going to give his number to you. Text. Now.”
Donghyuck, ready as ever, is already working on that, having fished Jeno’s phone out from his back pocket and shoving it in front of Jeno’s face to unlock it. The audacity! But presently Jeno’s too dazed to protest, anyway. Donghyuck already has a new message open and is demanding for Jaemin to dictate the number to him. Completely chaotic, even if it’s just the three of them and Jeno has been rendered temporarily mute.
A message has already been typed out when Donghyuck shoves the phone back into Jeno’s hands. Jeno, finally snapping out of his impromptu overthinking session, glances at it—it’s very long.
“Well?” Jaemin isn’t very patient, as usual.
“That doesn’t sound like me,” Jeno offers faintly, to be met with groans and sighs before Jaemin snatches his phone away.
Jaemin’s version is way better, of course, taking just five seconds to type, with just a “hi, im the bookmark guy from callisto?” in the text box. Donghyuck looks slightly miffed that his message was simply deleted, but it’s undeniable—Jaemin does know Jeno very well, and this sounds exactly like what Jeno would say. Jeno nods approvingly.
“Now hit send,” Jaemin commands, raising Jeno’s hand to the screen.
“Hm, yeah—wait,” Jeno suddenly remembers what exactly they’re doing, and retracts his hand quickly. “No.”
“Jeno,” Donghyuck speaks up again, quite literally breathing down Jeno’s neck and making Jeno shiver, “I will personally send that message if you don’t.”
Wow, Jeno’s actually shaking. Maybe it’s the mocha from earlier?
Jaemin’s hand is pressing down on Jeno’s shoulder now, as the three of them huddle around Jeno’s phone in the warm evening sun. “He wants to talk to you, Jeno.”
The thoughts are still spinning around Jeno’s head. Does he really want to do this? Is he really ready to talk to Renjun regularly? What if he messes things up? What if he just...loses interest? What if Renjun turns out to not like him at all, not even a little bit? What if Jeno becomes overcome with nervousness and accidentally stops replying? But—
Ah, damn, Jeno’s here to power through whatever life throws at him, he supposes. Live life with no regrets. He closes his eyes, and raises his finger.
The sending of the message is, as expected, quite non-climatic, though Donghyuck and Jaemin still make it seem like the big deal Jeno thought it was.
“Well done, my boy,” Jaemin straightens up, beaming widely, while Donghyuck starts giving Jeno a standing ovation in the background. “See! It’s alright. Donghyuck, get off the chair.”
Jeno stares down at this phone in his hands—dramatic, but he did it There, on his screen, sent out to Renjun, is his first step towards...something more. He exhales, watching as Jaemin starts to manhandle Donghyuck off the chair. This isn’t so bad.
Jeno’s barely turned off his phone when the screen lights up with a notification for a new text.
Jeno’s tiny, tiny screech is enough for Donghyuck and Jaemin to come running—they’re flanking Jeno’s sides and peering at the screen in an instant. Jaemin, as expected, is the one to open the message.
Well, lo and behold .
hi, i’m the bookmark guy from callisto?
oh?
hello, i was about to text you...to ask about the tutoring schedules? i got your number from the community centre
but i should’ve known it was you!
Is Jeno in trouble? He thinks he hears all three of them inhale deeply as Renjun starts typing again.
right, jeno?
Jeno is in trouble.
Distantly, he hears Jaemin slapping his hand down on the table and Donghyuck whooping wildly. Is this actually real ?
well...maybe we could meet tomorrow? i heard you have a shift, but we can meet afterwards…?
Blankly, and without Donghyuck or Jaemin’s help this time, Jeno replies:
sure! 5pm at callisto?
His phone buzzes again—Renjun sure does reply fast. Jeno doesn’t think Jaemin and Donghyuck know what’s going on anymore, at this point.
alright! since i’ve finally found out who j is, and you texted me, we can talk about that too ^^
it’s a date.
see you!
This is fine, Jeno tells himself. No, really, this is fine. If Jeno’s in trouble, he’s never felt so delighted to be in trouble.
Now, a new problem for Jeno to spend more time thinking about, though he can almost hear Jaemin nagging at him for overthinking again—should he get Renjun a book in return?