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it had been a good few years since leone and bruno had crossed paths. life had been pretty decent, when they weren't out protecting the streets of italy both leone and bruno lived in a small apartment near the hideout. they made good and bad memories there but all that mattered was that they were always here for each other no matter what the situation had turned out to be. leone had always been the more reserved type, he was never one to give affection. but when leone met bruno and got to know him on a personal level, there was something about bruno that made him feel content.
he would have given everything to be with until the end of time but he wasn't sure how to put it and he was far too shy. he sat in his bed, staring at the empty ceiling. he had been stuck in his room for more than a month, he had this overwhelming sadness that ate him up inside. leone frowned with tears in his eyes, bruno entered the room. leone wiped away his tears and turned to see him, "leone...you're awake. i need to be away for now. i have to take care of the streets of italy. you know what polpo is like when the work doesn't get done." bruno said, leone perked a little smile.
he understood that bruno had to work his way upwards in order to become the strongest capo in italy but he just wished for his time. he wished that bruno wasn't away from him for so long. before bruno had left, he sat down on the bed looking over leone. "have you been crying leone?" bruno asked, leone shook his head. "do you want to come with me? i'll need a helping hand on the way." bruno offered, leone's mind went at a thousand miles.
do you want to come with me?
do you want to come with me?
do you want to come with me?
do you want to come with me?
do you want to come with me?
do you want to come with me?
"no thanks." leone mumbled, bruno frowned slightly. this was odd, usually he would be up for this sort of stuff but something was off about him. bruno noticed that leone wouldn't go out of his room at all, maybe to go and get some water or to go to the bathroom but other than, he wouldn't see him at all. bruno took his hand and held it softly. "you know you can trust me?" bruno said, leone looked at his hands being softly held against his.
you know you can trust me?
you know you can trust me?
you know you can trust me?
you know you can trust me?
you know you can trust me?
"yeah...i know." leone mumbled again, letting go of his hand. there wasn't any hard feelings, he just didn't know what to do. once bruno left, he picked up his journal, he opened it up and it had filled with nothing but drawings and doodles of him. he opened a page and it was a drawing of bruno. and another drawing of him and another.
then there was a blank page, he drew him again but this time with a hand held out.
bruno... he held my hand. he trusts me. and i trust him. why can't i tell him what on earth is going on in my head? that i'm suffering so badly and there's nothing i can do. i love him . i love him. no, i love him. why can't i tell him anything, i just want to tell him. but this piece of shit brain of mine is all over the place, i can't think straight. i can't see it, he could never. i don't want to burden him. i don't want to...but i love him.
leone chucked his book across the floor and sighed heavily. he looked at his bedside table, filled with cigarettes and alcohol. how low of him to go back into his old habits of his policing days. leone sat up and looked at the half filled bottle of grappa. he rolled his eyes, chugging some of the alcohol down his throat, the bitter taste made him shake his head slightly. maybe that was too strong for his liking, he picked the book back up and started to draw him. he was the only person he could ever want in life. he drew bruno, with quite a few facial expressions. he then went to draw his torso area, he tilted his head. to this day he was still unsure as to whether that little piece on his chest was a tattoo or lace.
his mind slanted over on the thought of him wearing lace underneath that damn suit of his.
he slapped himself. "pull yourself together leone." he muttered to himself, he grabbed his cigarettes and lit one up. he inhaled the toxic smoke and then exhaled it, the smoke made a shape. it looked like bruno. leone closed his eyes in thought. why was he doing this to himself? he couldn't control any of this. once the cigarette was at the final edge, he put it out. he actually got up from the laying position he was in, and sat down properly. he looked at his arms, filled with scars that he wasn't able to fix. he wished that he didn't hurt himself but the urge to do it had been so strong.
you should cut leone.
you should do it.
yes, do it.
leone furrowed his brows, analysing every single scar. why did he do this? his desires to hurt himself before anyone else did was far too strong, it burdened him and he didn't want to place that on anyone. definitely not on bruno. he went through his drawers and picked up a swiss army knife, slicing his skin. digging it further and further into his arms in hopes that it would kill him. but it didn't, he was still alive. he tutted to himself.
there was this sudden feeling of guilt that weighed over him, if bruno found out about his habits, he was sure that bruno would kick him out of his life. never to speak to him again. leone breathed in and out heavily.
he had enough of this, leone fell back to sleep, not wanting to ever wake up.
*
he was running and running. the world pacing behind him, what was he running from he didn't know. time stopped.
leone appeared in a pitch black room. a hell only made for him, bruno is unconscious and tied up to a chair. "bruno!" leone called out but it was no used, the only thing that surrounded was the harrowing echo of his voice. it frightened him. it was as if this room was made for him, the only thing that brought him happiness ripped away from him. he looked at his arms, filled with scars. blood dripping down which sickened him. he couldn't even think. where was he? he saw his killer, it had looked so deformed, two heads, a crimson body with light shades of deadly pink.
leone screamed for bruno's name, but it was pathetic. he was screaming into an endless void. he saw a knife. cutting into his arms rapidly, blood flowing out like a waterfall. he should have been dead but he was still breathing. "now now, abbacchio. what fun it would be if it was just me and you...oh and your precious little bruno." the voice echoed. the body's hand reached over to bruno's lifeless face stroking it softly. leone growled, "you stay away from bruno!" leone demanded. the body grabbed the same knife leone used.
he reached to leone and waved the knife in the space between them. leone's eyes widened, he turned to see the room slightly illuminated. he couldn't contain his distraught and horror in him when he saw bruno. all he could think about was bruno, his face looked so soft yet it was so numb. the body laughed. a horrid laugh. he cackled at the state leone was in. leone thrashed, trying to break free but then the body...he brought something that only leone would know of and was something that bruno had yet to find out.
bottles of pills.
"ah yes. your dirty little secret." the voice said. the body cracked open the bottle and downed every single pill into bruno's mouth, leone screamed but he knew that bruno wasn't able to do anything. he couldn't do anything. all he could do was watch. he didn't just finish with a single bottle.
one bottle, then two, then three. bruno's mouth, filled with pills until that wretched body thought it was enough. bruno choked on them, leone saw the tears that had come out of bruno's eyes and that he couldn't do anything about it. he was powerless. leone couldn't scream anymore, but what could he do? leone threw up, choking on his own vomit. he looked up as he watched this body choke bruno to death. bruno's eyes still looked kind and still gentle. the loving gaze that bruno always had, the look that leone always loved, and then to hate. but he stuck to love, because it was a gaze filled with so much hope for the future. all the things they were going to do. it was all destroyed in a heartbeat.
the body...
the body turned back to leone, smiling. bruno still remained on the chair, pills all over his mouth, inside her mouth and below. bruno's neck had bulged with the amount pills in it, leone turned his attention back to the sick bastard. could he even call him that? he didn't even know who he was. "you know leone. it's a miracle, that such a small chemical can destroy a human completely. bruno was a coward to face such a quick end. but you know that if he wouldn't have done it, you know for a face that i would have done it for him." the voice echoed.
"fuck you. you filthy bastard!" leone growled, leone gritted at his teeth as that body approached him with the knife again. "leone abbacchio, you are nothing but the shit beneath my shoe."
the body stabbed leone in the stomach. every stab, leone tried to get away but there was no point in running away, the body slammed the knife again and again and again. the body took the knife, licking the fresh blood that belonged to leone as he could do nothing. pain was nothing. "well would you look at that leone...i win." the body deeply grumbled as he stabbed leone right in the heart.
*
leone had woken up, he looked at his arms. they were bleeding. did he do this? at this point, he couldn't even remember what he had done to himself. the blood trickled onto the sheets, he tried to get up but he stumbled. he arrived at the bathroom, resting his hands onto the sink. he felt his chest tighten like a screw, he placed his hand on his chest and felt his heart beating out of his chest. he looked in the mirror, tears formed in his eyes. his lungs were about to give in, he felt that his breathing was out of place. but another overwhelming feeling got to him.
leone felt as if he was dying.
he backed himself into a corner and slumped, tears dropping out of his eyes and his breathing getting faster and faster, his head throbbing with pain and his scars irritating him more and more. he scratched them, harder and harder. leone felt numb, his vision was disfigured and hazy. it felt as if he was looking into a fisheye lense of some sort. he felt stranded.
he clutched his arms, scratching and scratching until a neutral fluid had dripped. he tried to get up but barely even standing. he saw the pills.
take it.
take the pills.
you piece of shit, leone take the pills.
he climbed up to get his footing back and opened the lid. it was xanax. that would have been more powerful to kill him, he chugged down five of those pills and his vision become more hazy. he stumbled, crashing into a few bathroom items that made it echo across the entire house. once he swallowed, letting the poisonous pills sink into his body, a strange jittery energy rose within him. all of a sudden, everything was too bright. it was as if someone had turned the saturation up on everything that leone set his eyes on.
his teeth gritted slowly like nails on a chalkboard, he looked up at the ceiling and then back down at his hand as he coughed up blood. a lifetime of days, weeks, months, could have been gone for the lonely marble bathroom floor. the consequences of this overdose overwhelmed leone like a tonne of gravel, pinning him to the floor like yesterdays news. the xanax took over his mind, drove his body to unconscionable acts of depravity, doing anything to attain his next hit. the drugs decomposed her like a walking corpse, meat on bones, ready to be nailed into a coffin and swallowed by darkness.
a voice. there was someone calling for him, "leone! leone! what have you done?" it echoed, it was bruno. his tone had been filled with nothing but panic and worry.
bruno saw the state that he was in, "leone please! get up, an ambulance is on the way just stay with me." bruno exclaimed, he frantically picked up the nearest phone and instantly called for an ambulance, "112 what is your emergency?" a dispatcher on the other side asked. "listen i need an ambulance quick! my...my." he stopped, he hadn't even thought of where he and leone even stood. were they friends? were they lovers? that thought went away. "my best friend...he's overdosed on something and i don't know what, please! just send someone!" bruno demanded, his voice cracking slight and his eyes overflowing with tears and holding his lifeless and frail body close to him. once help had arrived, paramedics lifted him onto a stretcher, taking him to the back of an ambulance.
"leone stay with me please!"
"leone!"
*
it had been 6 months since leone had overdosed and been placed in a therapy programme, he had been diagnosed with clinical depression and ptsd. he was also given a later diagnosis for a panic disorder. as much as he wanted to go to these sessions and make himself a better person, that was easier said than done. he hadn't gone to a session in two weeks and had been sat in front of the television watching a bad italian soap opera, that he found himself invested in. bruno had arrived back home after running a few errands, he placed a bag down on the ground and saw leone still in the same place since this morning.
"leone, you haven't moved from that sofa since this morning." bruno said as he then sat on the armchair next to him, nothing. bruno sighed and got up, heading to the bathroom and taking leone's prescribed pills out of the cabinet. he went back to the living room and turned off the television, which caught leone's attention. "i was watching that." he monotonously said, bruno couldn't let him out of his site and have him sit around and do nothing.
"well you need to take your pills." bruno said, placing the prozac and zoloft capsules and a cup of water. leone looked at the pills and the cup of water, he didn't want this cycle to happen in his life. he didn't want to be in a place where people had to take care of him, he shoved the glass of water and pills off the table and left. he grabbed hold of the door and slammed it. a photo frame shattered. glass everywhere. bruno wasn't going to leave him to meet with death, not like this. he got up and ran out, grabbing an umbrella and some heavy rope.
leone kept on walking, he didn't know where he was going. where was he going? he found an abandoned apartment, this could be the chance. he climbed upwards until he reached the very top. the rain got heavier and heavier, leone saw the edge right before his eyes. he stepped onto the edge but before he could even jump, he saw bruno's shadow. his lip quivered. "bruno...stay back." he choked, bruno put his umbrella down and stood there. "is this how you want your life to become leone? as a dead body in the streets of italy?" bruno asked. bruno slowly took one step at a time in order to reach him, in case he fell.
"that's how i should be bruno. dead." leone said, bruno frowned since he knew that's not how he wanted this to end. "please, come back to the house and let me take care of you." bruno said, "that's what i'm sick of bucciarati. i'm sick of being mollycoddled, i'm sick of my life going downhill all the time. everyday i wake up and i wish i was dead." leone said out loud, "then let me change that leone...please." bruno begged, "you know bruno, i loved you from the very moment i met you. i threw away all my dirty habits to be with you and have you in my life. i want to just have a normal life with you but i couldn't have that, i have nightmares everyday. i have panic attacks within every waking moment of my life, i can't sleep and now i just want to sleep forever and not wake up anymore!" leone trembled.
by the time leone stopped speaking, bruno had tied the rope around his legs without him noticing. but the moment that leone said that he loved him, he let go of the rope. "i loved you for all of those years leone, but i never expected to be confessing my love to you on top of an abandoned flat 10 feet above us." bruno said, "please...just come home." bruno said.
"no."
leone dropped and that was bruno's moment to cling onto the rope, at this point leone had been holding on for dear life, he was scared. bruno dragged the rope towards him, wrapping it around an abandoned 10 kilogram weight. bruno rushed to the edge and reached his hand out. "leone! you have to hold on." bruno demanded. "i'm not going to cling onto my own life god dammit, i want to fucking die bruno." leone screamed. "i don't give a shit! you are worth so much more than this. leone you're better than this!" bruno screamed. leone looked at the fear in bruno's eyes, there was something about him that made him click, that he was quite literally hanging on by a thin thread. if he were to let it go, what was the cost of it?
"leone you are worth so much. you're so important to me, and i want you to know that. i don't want you to die, i really don't. because i love you and god dammit, if you die...then, what the hell am i gonna do without you? just...grab onto my fucking hand!" bruno screamed, with tears in his eyes. leone realised how hurt bruno was by this. he was right. he couldn't do this to himself. leone climbed up the rope and took a tight grasp onto bruno's hand.
he let leone climb up, leone was out of breath. he looked up at bruno with tears pouring out, a stunned silence was left between them. with nothing but the rain slowly calming down. the two were completely drenched and at this point they were both bound to have a cold, especially in the clothes that they were wearing. "why did you still follow me...even to my own death?" he asked, bruno came closer to him and sat down with him. "you have so much to give leone. i cannot bear the thought of losing you, all those feelings you told me were the exact ones i wanted to share, but i couldn't. please leone...give me a chance." bruno quivered, his tears blended with the rain. bruno lifted leone slowly and he pulled him in. bruno placed his lips on leone's, sharing a slow kiss.
leone was stunned for a moment but he pulled himself closer to him, his arms slithered around bruno's waist as they shared such an intimate moment. leone pulled away, he was crying. leone was so vulnerable, he had all of this emotion built up until this very moment and looked away, however bruno tilted his head so his eyes met his. "i love you more than anything in the world, leone." bruno whispered, he cupped his cheek. blood trickled down bruno's hand, the graze on leone's head started to bleed. bruno looked at the blood that had mixed in with the rain, he looked to leone. there was apart of him that hesitated. hesitated to give him a lot more affection, however leone was in a much more vulnerable situation and it was bruno's obligation to make sure that he was safe and secure.
"leone, what's wrong?" bruno asked, he took his hand and held it. squeezing it slightly, leone looked to him and frowned. "its nothing." leone mumbled. "no it's not nothing. tell me." bruno insisted with a severely concerning tone. leone frowned. "i didn't deserve to be saved bruno." leone said, bruno looked at him and his brows furrowed. "you did deserve to be saved. do you think i've given up? do you think i gave up with your recovery? i haven't leone...i never did." bruno said, leone trembled. he still kept hold of bruno's hand. "i'm right here and i'm going to help you." bruno said. he got up and held out his hand.
"the only way out of this, is if you let me in. let me help you." bruno said, as leone looked at his hand for a moment, he took a tight grasp to his hand and pulled him into a hug. bruno was completely shocked, but nonetheless he hugged him back. the horizon of the night grew in on the pair.
everything had been a blur for leone abbacchio didn't want to lead a life like this.
not anymore.
*
one year.
one year since leone abbacchio had tried to take his own life again. but there was someone that stopped him when they had the chance. bruno bucciarati. he was the exact light that leone needed. he didn't have thoughts about hurting himself or ending his life, bruno motivated leone to attend his therapy sessions, the ptsd programmes that he was assigned to. he took his medications, the therapists had seen a much better improvement and they couldn't have been more happy. bruno was happy.
leone would have some slip ups but with the guidance of bruno, he would feel a lot better. today was one of those days. leone had decided to make lunch for the both of them, a nice pasta salad for the both of them. he had left the pasta to simmer and moves onto cutting the vegetables, but as his mind decided to trail away from reality, he had accidentally cut his finger whilst cutting some sweet peppers. the blood oozing out was a massive trigger for him.
leone felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in his abdomen. there was an overwhelming tension which grew in his face and limbs, hir mind replaying the last attack which lead him to overdose. his breathing became more rapid, more shallow. in these moments before his personal hurricane, he understood the drug addict, the alcoholic...anything to stop the primal surge to flee. leone's eyes scanned the room and then the knife and the panic grew. the thoughts were accelerating inside leone's head. he wanted those irrational thoughts to slow so he can breathe but they won't. leone's breaths come in gasps and he felt as if he was going to black out. his heart hammering inside his chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spins and leone squat on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something his brain and body can cope with. leone felt so sick.
leone tried to move about the room like there's a hurricane inside him. he was moving like her brain is demanding the energetic expenditure of an athlete but won't tell his limbs what to do. his eyes are wild and when leone tried to get himself together but he couldn't, he slumped. rocking, rocking, rocking. he got faster and faster until he explodes into motion again. suddenly he's taking. "bruno...i can't...breathe." leone stammered out. he didn't have enough time to say what he needed to. leone's words were crowded together and some felt missing missing. bruno rushed to leone's side and held both his hands. "hey...its okay leone, i'm here, i'm right here!" bruno said as he grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly. bruno's sentences were all joined together, they were quick and yet they still had this sense of reassurance. leone's thoughts seem to jump from one thing to another. All his fears were tumbling out, unchecked by his brain, leone felt as if he was in some kind of mental free-fall, unable to analyze things or assess risk.
"leone just follow me...take deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth." bruno said, eventually it lead to him demonstrating and soon leone followed after. his breathing slowly but surely become normal and sturdy. his hands weren't as shaky and his mind and heart wasn't going at a thousand miles. bruno still held onto his hands, he didn't let go. "bruno...the knife, it was an accident." leone hoarsely mumbled. "its okay leone, it was an accident. its not the end of the world." bruno said, leone's head dropped in shame. even though he knew it was an accident there was something about it that made him irritated. "its alright leone, i'm here." bruno reassured, he kissed leone's hands, perking a small smile on his face.
leone hadn't felt this sort of affection before, it was all brand new to him. but this was bruno bucciarati, the one he loved so dearly. "now then, can you stand up?" he asked, leone nodded. he got up, holding onto bruno's arms tightly. he wasn't aware of how identical in height they were, however leone towered over him slightly by a couple of inches. bruno looked through a nearby drawer and picked up a plaster, wrapping it around his finger so it wouldn't get infected in the near future.
"it's okay leone." bruno said, leone still held onto him. smiling slightly, leone kissed his forehead. this made bruno flustered, he wasn't expecting that at all. bruno smiled and pecked a little kiss on his lips before taking over to make lunch. leone soon joined and helped out with draining the pasta and making the dressing they both enjoyed. once lunch was made, they sat outside and placed a rug over the grass. with the pasta salad now on the ground, leone and bruno sat down on the rug and ate their lunch. they had spoken about so many things, their future was all planned out. bruno wanted to become capo and leone would strongly support him no matter what the outcome would be. leone was quiet. he didn't know what to say, instead he just listened.
bruno's voice soothed him, he smiled at how eager he was about his ideas and his hopes for his life. leone just listened.
how on earth did he get this lucky? that was the only thing that pondered.
*
night time soon rolled around, bruno and leone had planned to stay in tonight. they decided to go on a movie marathon on the usual channel that would have the same 10 films on a loop. two out of 10 of those films included both of their favourite films, the postman and sling blade. "hey leone! hurry up, sling blade is about to start." bruno called out, leone looked back and smiled. bringing the popcorn with him, leone sat down with bruno and placed the popcorn in middle. once the film had begun, bruno wrapped his arm around leone and kissed his cheek before going back to focus on the movie.
leone tilted his head slightly, kissing the top of bruno's forehead and resting his head on top of bruno's. "you know bruno, you have no idea how fortunate i am to have you." leone said, bruno looked at leone and cupped his cheeks and kissed him with such ethereal desires. they shared this kiss yet despite it being short, it had felt as if it had lasted forever, leone smiled at him and went back to watching the film.
bruno smiled warmly whenever he looked at leone, he took his hand and held it. their fingers intertwining and locked, leone looked at their hands and kissed bruno's hand and not letting him go. once the movie was over and had transitioned to the next film, midnight had fallen upon the couple. bruno noticed leone had fallen asleep, he lifted him gently and went to the bedroom, tucking him in and placing a kiss on his forehead. he went to his desk and did some work which had to be submitted the next day.
an hour passes, leone had found himself in bruno's room. on bruno's bed. he turned slightly and saw bruno doing some work, he tilted his head slightly and sat up. "bruno, what am i doing here in your room? i shouldn't be here." leone said, "its okay i'm sure you don't mind leone." bruno said, leone clasped his head slightly. maybe he shouldn't have sat up so quickly. once bruno had finished whatever work that was supposed to be done, he got up and took off his shirt. revealing the lace underneath it.
leone was completely stunned. his cheeks turned red as he took in every single part of bruno, bruno's brows arched. he went over to him, getting into bed with him. "you're....you're drooling leone." bruno pointed out as he gave him a tissue, leone snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the tissue in his hand. leone pouted, completely embarrassed he took the tissue from bruno's hand and wiped his mouth clean. "i must have ruined the sheets. i'm sorry." leone apologised, "don't worry about it." bruno said, leone shifted closer to bruno's chest and laid there, closing his eyes and trying to sleep.
but something bothered him.
bruno looked down at leone, he noticed how uncomfortable leone felt. "leone, what's wrong?" bruno asked. leone opened his eyes and looked down at his arms, bruno rolled his sleeves and analysed every single scar that laid on leone's arms. leone frowned, "they've just been irritating me." leone said, bruno frowned slightly and kissed every single scar on his skin, "listen. this can be massive part of you, because it simply shows how far you've come. you went from hurting yourself constantly to not doing it all. i'm proud of you leone." bruno said, he kissed leone's lips and held him.
watching him fall asleep, bruno stroked leone's hair and smiled warmly to himself. he was so proud of leone and how much progress he made, he was so fortunate to have him in his life.
his name. leone abbacchio.
the only name that went through his mind.
his ease and happiness occured when he was with him.