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INT. APARTMENT LIVING SPACE — MIDDAY
The scene fades in on ABED. ABED sits cross-legged on a loveseat in a small apartment. Movie posters, some framed and some tattered, hang on the wall behind him. He holds a small notepad and pen; he is scribbling. It is midday, and the sun falls on his face from a large window. We see a small TV playing the film AMERICAN PIE. A beat passes. His phone starts ringing to an 8bit version of DAYBREAK by MICHAEL HAGGINS. ABED puts his notebook on his leg and pauses the movie. He picks up his phone and sees that someone named CONSTABLE REGGIE is calling. He pauses and then answers the call. There is a moment of dead air before anyone speaks.
TROY
(Over the phone in a shoddy British accent. The signal is choppy.)
Inspector! We will be landing soon!
ABED
(Smiling and in an objectively better British accent)
How are you, Constable? Or should I say... when are you?
TROY
(TROY makes shh sounds with his mouth to mimic the sound of Inspector Spacetime’s time travel thing, still in his detestable British accent.)
I think... I think I’m in the Americas. Some place titled Los Angeles. Let me check what time it is.
(TROY makes more mouth sounds.)
It is... 2016! What a rather ace time, the time of...of, um.
(A beat.)
A bloody unprecedented election!
ABED
(ABED’s grin widens, still in British accent.)
You’re gonna make me go simply arse over tit, Reggie!
TROY
(TROY chuckles at the words ‘tit’ and ‘arse,’ pauses for a beat, now in a normal voice.)
Abed, you know it’s Troy, right?
ABED
(In his normal voice.)
Of course.
Your accent isn’t exactly Constable Reggie level.
TROY
(Another pause.)
I was serious, you know. I’m gonna be docked in Los Angeles soon.
ABED scans around the room. His smile falters. It’s messy and small. The TV is still paused to Alison Hannigan in a wide shot showing off a toothy smile. This was not the setting of the movie reunion ABED wanted. Hell, it’s not even the setting of the cheap rebooted sitcom reunion ABED wanted.
ABED
I’m in Los Angeles, too.
TROY
(TROY laughs.)
I know. I wanted to see you, instead of going straight back to Greendale. I’d rather...
(From somewhere far away, LEVAR BURTON can be heard talking to TROY.)
I’d rather discuss it in person. I’ll text you the location, Abed! Come around—
(TROY is cut off by LEVAR indistinguishably talking to him again.)
Come around four, okay?
ABED
Okay.
The phone clicks off, and Abed stands up, rushing. His small notebook falls to the ground, revealing what he had been writing. On the page reads “things that make a reunion great.” There is nothing on the list.
AT LEAST IT WAS HERE by THE 88 and the intro plays: COMMUNITY created by DAN HARMON.
EXT. BOAT DOCK — AFTERNOON
ABED stands with a satchel on his shoulder. He grasps the strap tightly. ABED is visually nervous. The camera pans, revealing that he is standing in front of an ice cream truck.
ABED
What do you suggest for a reunion with your best friend that you haven’t seen in a year and a half who has been sailing around the world in order to receive your deceased friend’s millions?
ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #1
(Visibly confused)
I don’t...
ABED
In addition, the two of you— the best friend, not the deceased one— have some sort of unaddressed romantic subplot. You like him, and there is evidence supporting he likes you, but you aren't sure. Do you have anything like that?
ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #1 looks around confused. A second person comes into the shot from deep inside the truck. He places his hands on the sill of the window and smiles at ABED.
ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #2
He does this, like, every Thursday night.
(Reaching down into the truck)
So, Troy’s coming back?
ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #2 hands ABED an orange Dreamsicle.
ABED
Yeah.
(ABED fishes cash out of his satchel.)
See you Thursday. You should really teach the new guy the trade.
ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #1 just stares as ICE CREAM TRUCK ATTENDEE #2 elbows him and laughs. The camera cuts to ABED, who walks away from the scene. He checks the time on his phone: 2:47 P.M. ABED sits on a bench at the end of a port.
ABED
(Sighing.)
Classic waiting montage.
ABED leans back and sticks the popsicle in his mouth. A beat passes. Now, a montage: ABED playing a game on his phone, ABED throwing crumbs for seagulls, ABED listening to music with his eyes closed, ABED with his head on his hands. After the montage finishes, ABED checks his phone. 2:54 P.M.
Fade to black — COMMERCIAL BREAK
EXT. BOAT DOCK — AFTERNOON (CONT.)
ABED stands, looking down at his feet. A boat, the CHILDISH TYCOON, slowly pulls into its port. LEVAR BURTON stands at the hull, waving at ABED. TROY is assumably navigating, and ABED is disappointed by this fact. He half-heartedly waves.
LEVAR BURTON
(Yelling.)
Hold on! Troy’s pulling in!
ABED
(Yelling.)
I know!
LEVAR BURTON stops waving, and ABED follows suit. The CHILDISH TYCOON sputters to a stop. ABED watches silently but in anticipation as TROY’s head peeks out from the front hatch of the ship. He comes into full view as the low-hanging sun shines behind him. ABED and TROY look at one another for a moment. ABED’s breath hitches in his throat, only audible to the audience.
TROY
(TROY grins, yelling.)
Abed!
ABED
(Yelling.)
Troy!
TROY
Should I come down there or do you wanna come up here?
ABED
I think it’d be better if you came down!
LEVAR BURTON
(To himself, sarcastically.)
Spends a year and a half with me. Guy doesn’t even ask if I’m okay.
TROY
(In normal voice.)
I heard that, LeVar.
LEVAR BURTON
Good! Now go see your damn boyfriend. I’ll wait.
TROY
Not my— nevermind. Thanks, LeVar.
LEVAR BURTON smiles at TROY. LEVAR BURTON ties rope and ascends into the boat laughing to himself. TROY lowers himself on the ladder to the port. He staggers when his feet touch solid ground, but ABED hurriedly grabs him. ABED pulls in TROY tightly. He sniffles, and the camera pans to show that he has tears in his eyes. He still stares forward. TROY grabs ABED just as tightly and smiles bittersweetly with his head on ABED’s shoulder.
TROY
(Muffled and quietly.)
I missed you so much.
ABED
I missed you too.
They hold each other for a moment.
ABED
I know I'm not good at emotional moments or touching monologues but life didn't feel right without you. I don't know how to say these things. But I love you.
TROY
(Still muffled.)
I could Han Solo the hell out of you right now.
ABED
I know.
TROY
You stole my line.
ABED chuckles and pulls away from TROY.
TROY
I got scared that you wouldn't want to see me after I left.
ABED
Why wouldn't I want to? You're my best friend.
TROY
I... don't know. I just thought that... you know, it's like, you said you were letting go. And I just internalized it to think you let go of me forever. So when I called...
ABED
Yeah, that was funny.
TROY
I honestly didn't even expect to do the whole Inspector Spacetime thing. I know you love them, but I was just gonna tell you I was about to port. But when you picked up, I just kinda freaked out, man.
ABED
I didn't expect it either. I didn’t expect you either.
TROY
LeVar got us a hotel, but I was kinda hoping I could stay with you.
ABED
Well, I only have one bed, so...
TROY & ABED
the There is Only One Bed trope!
The two look excited at the prospect.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING SPACE — NIGHT
TROY and ABED stand in the middle of ABED's apartment. TROY is wearing a threadbare Gudetama backpack.
ABED
LA is really expensive.
TROY
I can tell.
ABED
Yeah. What’s worse is I can only afford this place because Jeff worked with the landlord.
TROY
Probably the only guy Jeff worked with that would give you a discount on an apartment.
ABED
True.
Troy sets his worn backpack onto ABED's loveseat. He unzips it and starts pulling out small knickknacks.
ABED
I didn't know you got me gifts.
TROY
Yeah, I got some at a bunch of different stops.
TROY hands ABED an ornate dibbi first. The pattern is gold and winds around the lid. Abed takes it into his hands and looks down at it.
TROY
This one reminded me of buttered noodles because of the way the gold wire curls around the top. And I thought buttered noodles: Abed. So, I had to get it for you.
ABED
I like it. It's really pretty. I don't know where I will put it, though.
TROY
You could put it on your kitchen counter.
TROY reaches into his bag and digs out a mason jar.
ABED
A mason jar. That's cool. You have a container theme going.
TROY
No.
(Laughing)
It's full of candies. I got them from Manila. See, look.
TROY points to something on the label. It's in Tagalog, and Abed looks confused.
TROY
It says "for someone you love" in Tagalog. LeVar was like, you keep talking about Abed, you should get these for him. He didn't tell me what the Tagalog words meant until after we got back on the boat.
ABED smiles and takes it into his free hand.
ABED
Thank you, even if LeVar tricked you to get them. I've never had candy from the Philippines.
TROY
(Laughing.)
Britta told me they'd taste like colonizer tears.
ABED
That sounds like Britta.
ABED puts the candy and dibbi down on the couch as TROY pulls out a keychain. ABED takes it carefully in his hands. It says عبد ندير. ABED smiles.
ABED
That's my name.
TROY
Yeah. I got this guy to do it in Africa. We stopped there going to London for your next gift.
ABED blinks. He stares down at the little keychain.
ABED
You went to London for me?
TROY
(While pulling something out of his bag.)
I did, kinda. LeVar said he didn't really need to be anywhere, and I've always wanted to go. I actually have this really funny photo of me and LeVar on the London Eye.
TROY hands ABED a signed photo of Inspector Spacetime. ABED takes it in his grip with a big grin on his face. He seems shell-shocked as he scans the photo.
ABED
I love it. I love them a lot. All of my gifts. I got you something too.
TROY
Wait, I’m not done! I have something else.
TROY fishes in his bag and pulls out a handful of things: a notebook, a pair of socks, a bag of candies, a vile with a piece of rice in it.
TROY (Handing ABED the notebook.) This is a copy of the notebook Francis Ford Coppola wrote in when he made The Godfather. (Handing ABED the socks.) And these are socks that have Inspector Spacetime and Constable Reggie. And this is... (Handing ABED the candies.) candy from Spain. And then, lastly, this little thing, (Handing ABED the vile with a piece of rice in it.) is a little piece of rice some dude on a pier in Canada wrote “Rice a lá Trobed” on, per my request.
ABED
(Holding the six items in his arms, looking overwhelmed.)
Thank you. I don’t know what to say. I never know what to say when I get gifts. Thank you.
TROY
I just liked thinking about you. It was nice picking up these little reminders of Abed Nadir.
ABED
(Smiling.)
I get it. Do you want to see your gift now? It’s not as big or as cool or as exotic. But I know you’ll like it.
TROY
You know I love getting gifts. But you should put those things down!
ABED looks down at his arms, full of TROY’s gifts.
ABED
You’re right. I’ll be right back.
ABED walks into a room, nudging the door open with his foot. TROY looks over the room. Everything in cramped, but distinctly ABED. Unframed photos of life at Greendale are stuck to the wall with clear tape. A board game lies dusty, stuck inside the TV stand haphazardly. TROY reaches down for a notebook lying strewn on the floor. On the opened page: “things that make a reunion great.” TROY looks around and then flips the notebook to the front. Inside are various pages, some ineligible and some ideas for plots. On one page is "troy." Below his name is two columns. It seems like both columns are full of moments from their friendship. On one side, "Halloween," "night before Troy left," "Bert and Ernie," "hug before Britta," "Valentine's Day." On the other side, "leaving," "Britta," "pillow and blanket fight." TROY can only look at it for a second before ABED walks in, and TROY ashamedly drops it on the ground. ABED is clutching a laptop to his chest. The laptop has various stickers on it (Inspector Spacetime, Star Trek, Kickpuncher). They're peeling and grimy.
ABED
What were you looking at?
TROY
Just this notebook that was on the ground.
ABED
Oh.
(Pauses.)
That's my idea notebook.
TROY
I figured.
ABED
Do you wanna see your present now?
TROY
Duh.
ABED
Have a seat. On the couch.
TROY sits, and ABED opens his laptop on the living room table. He leans down and fiddles with some settings. ABED sits down next to TROY. ANNIE is on the screen in the study room, smiling.
ABED
Go.
ANNIE
I remember the first time I met Troy. Like, met met Troy. I had always seen him around school, ever since middle school. Everyone saw him around school. But he ended up sitting in front of me in algebra. I spent...
(She chuckles.)
I spent a lot of time staring at the back of his head, and I imagined what it would be like if he turned around and said hi. He never did, except one day, he asked for a pen. I gave him a purple pen with a purple grip, like the ones I use now. I was dumbfounded! Troy Barnes asked me for a pen. I didn't even think about the fact we were in a math class, and he was asking for a pen. But I remember he gave it back after class, and no one ever gave me back my pen. I told him that, and he smiled at me, and he said, "everyone deserves to get what they put out into the universe back."
The camera in the film cuts to ANNIE digging in her bag. She pulls out a purple pen with a purple grip. The camera cuts again to Annie's writing with it at the study room table.
ANNIE
I still have that pen, and when I write with it, it feels like I have a part of Troy with me. Even if we're an ocean apart.
In the documentary, the camera cuts again, and it's a silent, candid video of TROY talking with BRITTA. ABED does a voice over.
ABED
Troy was in my Spanish class my first year at Greendale.
(The documentary switches to ABED, who sits in the Dreamatorium.)
He was my first real friend, and he's the reason I came to Greendale.
(Pause.)
He threw a crumpled handout at me. I don't think he remembers it, but
(The documentary switches back to more candid footage of TROY, who plays pool and misses the ball completely. Everyone laughs.)
I think it was like a meetcute.
BRITTA
(Off screen.)
What would you say to Troy if he was here?
ABED
I hope he finds himself so he can come back as soon as possible.
Fade to black — COMMERCIAL BREAK
INT. APARTMENT LIVING SPACE — NIGHT (CONT.)
TROY is crying as COME SAIL AWAY by STYX plays from the laptop. ABED closes the laptop.
ABED
Are you okay?
TROY
I'm fine... I just—
ABED
F-y-n-e or f-i-n-e? I can't tell.
TROY
F
(Pause.)
i-n-e.
ABED
Oh.
(A beat.)
Is it my fault? Was my documentary bad? I thought it was good. I thought it captured a lot of emotion.
TROY
No, it's not that, Abed. We both know your documentary was amazing.
ABED smiles.
TROY
I just... I missed you a lot. And Annie, and Jeff, and Shirley, and Britta. I missed everyone. But I really missed you, Abed. This is an amazing present.
ABED
Can I hug you?
TROY pulls ABED to him in response. They're hugging while lying down on the loveseat, ABED on top of TROY.
TROY
Thank you.
ABED
You're welcome. Britta said it would be a good outlet for my feelings. She said to make a movie about you, and I had a lot of leftover film from outtakes. I don't like deleting clips with you in them. Britta told me I should show it to you when you came back because I have a hard time showing how I feel.
They lie there wordless for a few moments. The pair are only illuminated by an orange streetlight streaming across them.
TROY
How do you feel?
ABED
I'm happy.
TROY furrows his brows, disappointed.
TROY
Is that it? Not that it isn't enough but—
ABED
I also feel hungry and a little bit tired.
TROY
We should eat some noodles. Or we could go out.
ABED
I'd rather not go out. I don't wanna get distracted. We have a lot to catch up on.
INT. KITCHEN — MIDNIGHT
ABED and TROY stand in ABED's kitchen. It's small, smaller than any kitchen should be, shoved off in the apartment's corner. The grout is completely black with years of grime. Sticky notes and magnets are scattered on the white refrigerator. ABED holds a bowl of bran and shovels the cereal in his mouth for a beat or two. TROY leans back against the tiled countertops, thinking. There is a moment of awkward silence. ABED doesn't notice.
ABED
(Through mouthfuls of bran.)
While you were gone, this teacher handcuffed me to his desk, it's like if Starsky and Hutch if they hated each other. He handed me his comics. I think you'd like them, Troy. They're of this duck.
TROY
What were they about?
ABED
Slice of life. Like if Seinfield was a Catholic duck.
TROY
(Laughing.)
That sounds so bad.
ABED
It was, but I was trying to get free. So I lied and I told him, "these are great."
TROY
And?
ABED
He didn't let me go.
TROY
(TROY laughs, and then his smile suddenly turns into a frown.)
I wish I would've been there. I would've noticed you were gone... I would've gotten him to unlock you.
ABED
No, he probably would've just locked you up too. It would've been like a funny cop show montage. Amazing comedic timing.
TROY
At least we would've been together.
ABED finishes his bowl of cereal and puts it in the sink.
ABED
We're together now, and I got out. It doesn't matter anymore. I just think its funny, in hindsight.
TROY
Are you angry at me?
ABED doesn't turn around. He just stares at his bowl in the sink.
ABED
No.
TROY
I thought you didn't lie to your friends.
ABED
You're my best friend.
A beat.
TROY
I'm sorry.
ABED
I'm angry, but it's not your fault. Britta helped me realize that. You had to leave. You had to have your own coming-of-age movie without the nerdy best friend. So I'm not really angry at you. I'm just angry at the genre. That's what Britta said.
TROY
You're not the nerdy best friend. You're a main character too.
ABED
Maybe in my story, but not in yours. And that's okay. It always is okay. In Spiderman, Ned lets Peter Parker chase after MJ and fight crime. He'd be a bad friend if he held him back. I've never had any friends before you, and I still know that.
TROY
But this isn't a movie, Abed.
ABED
Yeah, I know.
ABED looks at his bowl in the sink, and TROY looks at ABED. They both look sad, but TROY shows it more. His lip quivers, and he parts his lips to say something but then closes his mouth.
Fade to black — COMMERCIAL BREAK
INT. KITCHEN — MIDNIGHT (CONT.)
ABED turns around to look at Troy. He has tears in his eyes, but his facial expression is blank.
ABED
Do you want to go to sleep?
TROY
Um.
(TROY LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM)
Not yet. I want to get something from my bag.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING SPACE — MIDNIGHT
TROY digs in his bag with ferocity and he pulls out handfuls of paper. They fall on the couch and on the ground.
TROY
(TROY has started crying.)
I wrote these all for you.
ABED leans down and picks up a sheet of crumpled paper. It's a script staring a character named Abid and another character named Troye. He picks up another paper. It's a letter, half-way finished.
TROY
(Shakily.)
So, you say you're not the main character in my story, but I couldn't stop thinking about you and I... I'd have flashbacks and dreams and I'd call your phone at five in the morning to hear your voice.
ABED
(Quietly, to himself.)
I'm the love interest.
TROY
What?
ABED
I'm in love with you, Troy.
TROY cries even harder, but he's smiling. ABED makes eye contact with him and tilts his head to the side. His eyes scan over TROY, and then ABED pulls TROY into a kiss. It's quick at first, sudden. But TROY leans back and smiles at ABED, and ABED smiles the widest TROY had seen in a year and a half. Then, they kiss again, over and over, quick pecks like two teens figuring out how to kiss. ABED catches TROY's lips against his own again, and they kiss deeper. ABED grasps tight at TROY's waist, and TROY puts his hands in ABED's hair. TROY leans back first.
TROY
You taste like butter.
ABED
You taste like bad breath.
They grin at one another but don't let go. The camera zooms out in a crane shot as CATCH MY DISEASE by BEN LEE plays. TROY runs his thumb along ABED's jaw, and they're both visibly content. They chatter mindlessly, and their banter fades out as it is replaced by the music.
Fade to black — CREDITS