Chapter Text
(Before)
“I’m worried about her. We should do something.”
Maura choked on her coffee, her hand flew to cover her mouth, stifling a grimace. “I think she just needs time to process,” she trailed off with a nod, wiping the coffee from her nose and willing Angela to take the hint.
“Gee, I dunno, Maura, she always does this. Something happens and she just pushes me away... The harder the fall the more she pushes. One of these days, I swear that girl’s gonna implode in on herself.”
“I think Jane’s performative self is denying her a much needed experience of catharsis. It’s so deeply ingrained in her that her perceived persona won’t allow for it, even privately.” Maura watched the cafe window as a danaus plexippus inched across the admiral blue sealant.
Angela nodded, “Catharsis?”
“Yes,” she smiled, “the purgation of built up emotions as a means of release in order to prevent them from interfering in daily life and functioning.“
Maura felt her heart beat a little faster, "or societal upkeep, if you’re Aristotle.”
“I’m not.”
“You know, Aristotle’s first fourteen poetics outline the means of tragic performance and its necessity in maintaining an upright and civil society. Although now usually seen as a stylistic choice or research endeavor, his outline of tragedy is still widely used to this day,” she beamed.
“Un-huh.”
“The real tragedy is that although the poetics allude to further discussions of comedy, it is never addressed in the surviving poetics, leaving them incomplete.”
Angela met Maura’s eyes, feigning patience as the doctor continued, “while the western world often sites the poetics as the oldest surviving work of dramatic theory, it is important to note that the Nāṭya Śāstra was also developed around the same time in the area of present-day India. The original text is thought to have been altered-“
Maura’s brow furrowed at Angela’s unrelenting gaze, “...right.” She swiftly glanced down and cleared her throat, “You were saying?”
“She kicked me out of her apartment. Her own mother! Banished!”
Maura nodded dutifully, “I can imagine it must difficult-“
“My daughter is difficult. She’s glued to her couch, and has bought every as-seen-on-tv item since 2008!”
“That does sound a bit excessive.”
“Dr.Isles, I need you to be my man on the inside.”
“What?”
“Stop by,” Angela looked down her nose at Maura and lowered her voice, “see what’s goin’ on over there.”
Maura thought to protest, but she thought better of it under Angela’s scrutinizing gaze.
“I am driving her to the ceremony tomorrow.. I suppose I can drop by a bit early to make sure everything’s alright. Friend to friend.”
Angela smiled at her lovingly. Maura shrank slightly under her gaze, eyes flitting to the caterpillar that had dropped from the window seal onto the floor. Returning the other woman’s light pressure on her forearm, she contracted her zygomaticus major, crinkled her eyes, and bowed her head as she began towards the cafe exit.
She dipped by the window and scooped up the little creature “Hello, your majesty,” she said to the caterpillar cupped in her hands.
She cooed at the bug as she stepped out of the building to release the poor critter outside. Maura didn’t mind the confused glances thrown her way as she stooped in front of the window on the edge of the sidewalk.
“Bye,” she whispered as the bug inched away into the bushes.
Dr. Isles stood from her place hunched on the sidewalk, brushed her hands off. She let herself take a moment to close her eyes and drink in the sun’s warmth before heading back to her office.
** After **
Maura kept her arm linked around Jane’s and tightened her grip on the detective’s bicep as she tugged her companion towards her Toyota.
“Geez, Maura, I’m not goin’ anywhere!” Jane’s husky voice pierced her ears as she pried open the passenger’s seat.
Jane tugged her arm away. “Alright, alright!”
Maura raised her eyebrows expectantly, her wrist flung over the open car door. Jane’s nostrils flared under Maura’s gaze, “What?”
“What nothing, get in the car.”
Jane huffs, raises her palms, tilts her chin up, and rocks dramatically into the passenger’s seat.
Maura smiles patiently at her, making no effort to close the door.
“Whaaat?!” the detective wines.
“Put on your seatbelt.”
“Oh my god, Maura-“
“Seatbelt. On.”
The detective narrows her eyes, ready to stare the other woman down. They stay like that for a moment.
Maura reaches for the seatbelt latch and Jane’s hand flys to cover it. Jane keeps her jaw set under Maura’s deep gaze.
After a few moments she scowls and attached the latch to buckle. “Happy?”
“Yes, thank you.” Maura’s eyes sparkle as she steps back to close the door and moves around to the driver’s side.
“I’ve got my eyes on you.”
“I’ve got my eyes on you.” Jane parrots softly. The car creeps through the dark Boston streets and Jane squirms uncomfortably at the heavy warmth she feels in her chest.
***
The ceremony had gone rather smoothly. Jane’s speech had seemingly taken the edge off of her uneasy restlessness, Maura observed thankfully, taking a sip of her wine.
Byron was meeting her this evening with plans to come over and stay the night. The doctor was rather averse to postponing the engagement.
Maura eyed her friend talking to Frankie and Angela. Angela started crying incomprehensibly, miming for a pen. She handed one off to Jane before a napkin was shoved into her hand, the shoddy scrawl straining her eyes.
“Divorce,” she read.
“What?”
“Congratulations, Detective! Can we get an interview with you? How it feels to be a hero?”
Maura’s eyes burned under the film crew’s harsh lights. Jane sent them away. She pulled the napkin from Maura’s hand. “We are getting a divorce.”
“That’s terrible.”
Angela’s lipstick had rubbed off into Jane’s tie. She licked her fingers, “This should come out.”
“I’ll catch up with you in a sec, Maur.” Jane’s eyes scanned the room.
“Oh,” she was slightly taken aback. “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”
Jane jogged over to Casey and Abby.
Maura’s phone buzzed. Byron.
***
At first, Maura didn’t know what was happening.
One of the brigade cars had exploded. Her heart dropped. Rushing out in the sea of people she saw Casey dragging Jane out of the second car in the succession. Without thinking, she flanked Jane’s opposite side, dragging Jane across the street and pulling the woman tightly against her chest.
Jane had gone ridged, muttering about Abby and pulling away from Maura’s grasp.
Cavanaugh stepped in as he rounded the scene, looking almost angered when he saw Jane fighting to stand. “Rizzoli, you’re not cleared for active duty,” he barked. “Frankie, get her outta her! Take her home.”
Frankie was at her side in an instant, arms around his sister, “I’ve got her, I’ve got her.”
Every instinct told her to not leave Jane’s side, but Jane wasn’t hurt. She watched the chaos unfold; there were photographers and valets near the explosion, all with varying levels of burns that needed to be treated. They couldn’t all be transported via ambulance, from what she could see most didn’t need to be anyhow. She needed to be here.
***
The evening had resulted in a single fatality- Private Abby Sherman. Maura felt a pang in her chest for the young woman, her death was senseless and tragic. She shook her head and pushed the thought from her mind as she examined the arm of a young man who had been injured in the explosion.
She held her right palm up to support the boy’s arm as she examined the burns he had sustained. His dark eyes were blown wide as he watched the first responders begin the process of extracting Abby’s body from the wreckage.
She tried to catch his eyes with her own, “Try not to look.” Based on the time it had taken for the fire to be put out and what she could see, she could safely conclude that the majority of the soldier’s body was covered with burns. Maura did her best to keep her voice even, “She was pretty badly burned.”
The boy’s head snapped towards her, she could see that his breathing was shallow and frantic.
“What’s your name?”
“Jet,” his eyelids fluttered for a moment, “Joaquin, but nobody calls me that. It’s just Jet.”
“Jet? Does that mean you’re fast?” The sleeve of his white shirt was frayed, thankfully it hadn’t stuck to the wound.
“Not really,” he said half heartedly. Maura couldn’t blame him, she wanted nothing more than this leave this day behind her.
“Jet, in order to treat this burn, I’m going to need this shirt off. Can you do that for me, or would you like me to cut it?”
“Just cut it, it’s not like I’m going to be wearing it again.”
She chuckled, “Let’s hope not.”
***
The pounding in her head did nothing to quell the unease she felt driving to Jane’s apartment so late and unannounced on a night like tonight. The only thing that felt worse was not checking in on her friend after the fiasco.
Her car slid into a spot below Jane’s apartment, where the light in the window was still on. Maura closed her eyes and held her breath.
Jane hadn’t answered her cell phone, and now it appeared she wasn’t answering her door either.
She knocked again, “Jane! Jane, you know I can’t leave until I know you’re alright..”.
Nothing.
“Alright, Jane, I’m coming in-“ The doctor opened the door, her heels distinct on the cracking wood.
She closed the door behind her just in time to see a mop of black hair jolt up, “-No!”
Maura felt her pulse quicken at the sight before her. Jane pressed herself against the back of her chair under Maura’s gaze. Her nose had curled slightly in contempt and her pupils were dilated. Maura observed the nervous energy in Jane’s clenched hands and her rapid diaphragmatic breathing, alerting Maura to the pregnant tension in the air between them.
She took a deep breath.
Fight or flight.
“Jane, you’re currently experiencing a rush of adrenaline activated by your sympathetic nervous system. Your body is getting ready to defend itself.”
The detective looked rather annoyed with Maura; her breathing sped as it moved higher into her chest, a few tears spilling down her cheeks.
Maura kicked off her heels and slowly knelt down, groping for the floor and keeping her eyes fixed on Jane. When she felt the solid wood door against her back, she pushed into it and slid down onto the floor, tucking her legs beneath her.
Maura tried to meet Jane’s eyes. “Try to relax. Deep breaths.” She filled her lungs with air, careful to demonstrate the rise and fall of her abdomen as she took controlled, incremental breaths, willing her friend to match her.
But Jane was barely looking at her. The scars on Jane’s hands peeked out from beneath the unruly curls curtaining her face. Maura cringed as she watched those hands tighten and writhe, nails sinking deeper into skin and fingers become further entangled in those dark tresses.
Maura sat up, bracing herself for Jane’s reaction, but took a deep breath and kept her voice steady and firm, “Jane, look at me.”
A strangled cry made its way through the detective’s clenched jaw. She turned away from Maura as more sobs silently wracked her body.
“Jane, it’s okay. You’re okay.” She took on a gentler tone as the detective crashed in front of her. “You can’t protect everyone.” She was glad Jane was facing away from her for that particular truth; her heart broke as she heard her friend’s breath hitch wildly at the statement, her crying becoming louder and more desperate.
Maura backtracked, “I spoke with Frankie; your mom’s alright- she’s worried about you. She wanted to stop by. According to Frankie, she will be here first thing tomorrow with breakfast.”
Jane groaned, but her breathing began to slow. Maura stood cautiously as she continued, “Frost and Korsack started logging the evidence, and tomorrow afternoon I will be performing an autopsy.”
Jane’s voice was raspy and distant when she looked up at Maura, “Why?”
She cautiously moved towards the detective, answering the question the only way she knew how to, “I still need to file a report, confirming cause of death. It’s possible that the blast wave transmitted traceable particles to the surrounding environment that can help determine the chemical composition of the explosive. I need to catalogue the nature and magnitude of the injuries sustained-”
She stopped herself, her heart melting at the sad brown eyes looking up at her. She shook her head, “I don’t know, sweetie.”
Jane shuttered as the doctor’s fingers traced over her shoulder, across her spine and to the opposite shoulder.
With her arm around the detective, Maura thought to pull Jane off the couch and towards the bedroom, but Jane melted into Maura’s embrace, turning into her friend’s chest- closing any distance between them.
Warm breath tickled Maura’s ear and she wrapped her free arm protectively around the other woman. A soft whine escaped Jane’s lips at the gesture.
“Hey, shh shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay, baby,” she soothed. The endearment fell softly and naturally from her lips; she felt her chest swell with warmth and adoration as Jane nuzzled her face into Maura’s neck. “I’ve got you, baby.”