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Just like I would any other villain. That’s the phrase that kept echoing inside of Lena’s head since the day Kara had visited her on her balcony. As Supergirl. Did Kara actually believe, that Lena had become a villain? That she had gone evil just because she was working with Lex? If so, Lena didn’t know how to handle that. Kara had always been the person who believed in her, right from the start actually, and if she started giving up on Lena, who else might stop trusting her? She was doing GOOD! Her latest experiment had been a success and she kind of wished, that Kara had heard about it. Not that she wanted her to come back. No. But thinking about the blonde Kryptonian increased the pain in her chest and she hated that she felt that way. Kara had lied to her for so long! There should be no way Lena was even missing her but.. there was. She was missing Kara. Her smile, that spread over her whole face and the way her eyes started sparkling when Lena returned the favor and - of course - when talked about food. Potstickers, in particular. Lena had never seen a person before that could eat so much and not get fat or at least get diabetes from all the sugar. Now that she knew Kara was Supergirl, it kind of explained the whole thing. Especially her abs and her strength - not that Lena had paid attention to any of that. Of course not.
Lena’s phone buzzed and caught her attention.
Two unread messages from Alex Danvers
Lena didn’t want to pick up the phone at first but then reconsidered that it could also be Kara texting her from Alex’s phone. Which would normally be another reason not to pick it up but it didn’t matter at the moment. Lena was tired and didn’t have the strength to try to convince her body to ignore the message. Not today.
Hi Lena. I know you and Kara aren’t talking but I didn’t know who else to text. Kara has been gone for five days now and I thought that she went to Midvale to take a break from Supergirl and you know.. you. but when I called mom, she said that she’s not with her either.
Kara hasn’t done anything like that before and I just thought that you would maybe.. know where she is and why-
Lena didn’t hesitate a second to press the call button. Five days. That was the last time Lena herself had seen Kara. That was when Supergirl had told her that she would do anything in her power to stop her, if she kept working with Lex. Was it possible that-
“Lena!” Alex’s voice appeared on the other side of her phone. “I’m so sorry to bother you with this, I really am-“
“It’s fine Alex” Lena murmured. She tried to sound as professional as possible so that she didn’t have to admit to herself that she was scared. Scared, Kara could have gotten hurt.
“So.. do you know anything? I mean did she text you?”
“No, but five days ago was the last time we talked”
Lena sighed. If something had happened to Kara, then it was her fault. She didn’t want to care about the beautiful reporter but she couldn’t help it. Kara was just.. she was just Kara and no matter how hard Lena tried,she wasn’t able not to think about her ex-best friend.
“Did something happen?” Alex asked and Lena could tell how worried she was. So was Lena.
“No not really” Lena replied, “She just told me that she would treat me like a villain, if I didn’t stop working with Lex”
Her chest hurt even more by the thought of that memory. She had hated every single second of it.
“And then she just left?”
“Yes” Lena confirmed.
“Did she look sad? I mean did you feel like she was trying to convince you to forgive her again?” Alex asked.
It was a weird question to ask and Lena didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Alex” she sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about Kara and my problems with you. You’re her sister, not to forget that you lied to me just as long as Kara did. I don’t even know why I am still talking to you. I guess I-“
“Maybe because deep inside, you still care?” Alex interrupted her carefully.
Of course I still care! Lena wanted to scream. But she didn’t. She didn’t want to care. She wanted to forget Kara but at the same time, wanted her back as her best friend. She missed her warm hugs, their cuddles and their lunch dates. She missed how Kara always tried to convince Lena that kale didn’t taste good and that she should stop eating it and instead take a few potstickers more. Potstickers she shared with Lena and only Lena.
On the other hand Lena was still hurt. That pain in her chest kept getting worse and she didn’t know if it was because she missed Kara or because she hated her. Either way, she couldn’t hate Kara.
Alex apparently took that long silence as her answer.
“It’s okay to care, you know? Even if she did something terrible, it’s okay to still like that person” she explained.
Lena sighed. Was it okay, though? She didn’t want to still like Kara, to still care about her, but she just couldn’t help to think that without Kara, she wouldn’t be the Lena she was today and without Kara.. her life would be pretty sad and lonely.
“Anyway” Lena said, not intending to respond to Alex’s statement. “I hope I could help and..-“
Call me if you find her she wanted to add, but she didn’t.
Alex understood. “I will let you know as soon as I have a lead. Maybe you wanna.. help us”
Lena heard the hesitation in the last part of that sentence but she couldn’t blame her for it. After all, she had almost hurt Supergirl with the Kryptonite weapons. By accident.
“Thank you, Alex, I appreciate it and.. I’ll think about the offer” Lena said.
“Okay great, bye Lena”
“Bye”
Alex hung up the phone and Lena let out a deep breath, she didn’t realize she had been holding. She would call her. That was fine. She didn’t care about Kara. She just wanted to know that she was alright because she didn’t want her to get hurt. Because of her.
Okay maybe she did care about Kara.
A lot.
Maybe a lot more than she should.
-
“So you just told her that you would fight her if she didn’t stop?” Caitlin asked and Kara nodded.
She was such a bad person! How could she have said that to Lena when she knew how long Lena had tried to convince the world that she was not the villain. It was like Kara had awoken that side of her again.
“That’s rough” Barry said. “ You should just call her and apologize-“
“NO! Absolutely nOt!” Iris interfered. “I mean, she is the one who almost shot you with Kryptonite guns, right? She could have seriously hurt you so you should let her come to you”
Kara lowered her head. “I mean she didn’t do it though..” she murmured. Deep inside she was still convinced that Lena wouldn’t hurt her. If it actually came to a fight, she wouldn’t hurt the blonde superhero.
“Maybe the book of Ralph would help” Cisco suggested and everyone around Kara rolled their eyes.
“Most definitely NOT”
Kara was wearing her personal Star Laps shirt which, Barry had said, had always been reserved in case of her visit. It was comfy and she liked that it was a little too big and that the sleeves almost touched her elbows. There had been no mission today and Kara could tell that Cisco was the one, who mostly suffered under that. He loved sitting in front of the screen almost as much as Felicity. God, she missed Felicity and the rest of team arrow. It felt like all of it had ended somehow after the crisis. Like their mission had ended, now that Oliver was gone. M aybe this was another emotion that Kara hadn’t dealt with yet. After Olli had fixed the universe and created Earth-Prime, she had been so focused on trying to find out what Lex was up to, that she had forgotten about her sorrow due to all the deaths. She should ask Kelly if she could help her with one of her therapy skills, to somehow deal with all of this, because it started being too much. Much more than even Supergirl could handle.
“Hey are you okay?” Iris’ hand on her shoulder pulled Kara back to reality. Her dark eyes were scanning Kara’s face for any signs.
“I uhm.. ya I’m okay” she responded but avoided Iris’ eyes. They always gave her away.
“Maybe we should go home. It’s been a painful boring day and we could watch some more Disney movies and order potstickers and pizza?” Barry offered and Kara nodded thankfully.
All she wanted was to crawl under a blanket and forget about the aching pain in her chest. She wanted to forget how much she missed Lena, not as her enemy but as her best friend. She missed their inside jokes, their lunches and their hugs. It was weird thinking about how much she missed their physical contact but it was true. Every time Lena touched Kara in any way, when her hand was resting on Kara’s or when she wrapped her arms around the blonde, Kara always had that warm feeling in her chest and she was glad that Lena didn’t have superhearing, to notice how her heart started beating faster every single time. Even Lena’s smile, which was so rare and Kara hated that she didn’t get to see it anymore because of their problems, was something that gave Kara hope and strength. Or maybe it was just Lena herself, who made Kara feel like home.
As soon as they had reached the Allen’s house, Kara dropped herself on the sofa that she had been crashing on the past few days and immediately took her phone.
32 unread messages from Alex 💖
4 unread messages from J’onn
7 unread messages from Nia ✨
1 unread message from Brainy
43 missed calls in total
Kara sighed and threw it to the other side of the sofa. Why did no one respect her privacy for a few days? She just needed a break from National City. Was that too much to ask?
“Hey have you answered your friends yet?” Barry asked as he rushed in with 6 stacked pizzas and 5 bags of potstickers on top of it.
“Did you speed order that?” Kara asked instead and forced a small smile.
“Um.. kinda” he said.
Iris raised an eyebrow. “But you paid for that, right?”
“What?” Barry turned around and almost dropped all the food. “I’m the Flash ! Of course I paid for that!”
“How much was it?” Kara asked innocently, taking out her purse to grab some money.
“It was -“ Barry stopped and stared at Kara. “Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t have to pay for that it’s only six pizzas and some dozen potstickers”
“Exactly” Kara said.
Iris took the pizzas and walked over to the couch, placing them next to Kara. Barry brought the potstickers and jumped on the sofa.
“Just don’t worry about it. You can stay as long as you want, okay? We’re gonna deal with everything else” Barry whispered and pulled Kara into a gentle hug. Iris watched from behind and gave Kara a warm smile.
“Thank you guys” she smiled. “I don’t know what I would do without you”
It felt good being surrounded by friends. People that stood up for you even when they didn’t have to. Especially when they didn’t have to. Barry and Iris had always supported Kara, although they had used to live on a completely other earth. Maybe earth-prime did have some big advantages, which Kara hadn’t appreciated yet.
“Anyway, let’s watch some Disney movies”
-
Lena was sitting in her bed and stared at the photo of her and Kara in her hand. It had been taking when Kara, Alex and Lena had met up for a girls night, but Kara had insisted to take another one with Lena alone, as a sign of their special friendship. A sign of trust. That trust had been broken the day Lex had told her who Kara really was. Who she had been all the time, but hadn’t told Lena although she knew how everyone else had lied to her since the day she was born. Kara had always seen the good in Lena. She had made her feel wanted and loved, even when she didn’t even understand why. The blonde reporter had stolen her heart, had torn down her walls and now all Lena wanted was to build them up again, stronger than before. However, there was something deep inside of her, that couldn’t. If she built up her walls again, that meant shutting Kara out for maybe ever and although she was still mad and hurt, she didn’t want to lose the one person, she loved. She couldn’t lose Kara.
A look at her phone told the CEO, that is was already past midnight, but Alex hadn’t texted her yet and although she didn’t want to admit it, she had waited for a text that said that Kara was fine. Or that she had at least found a lead.Lena hoped that Kara didn’t do anything stupid, she wasn’t that kind of person who would do something reckless just because of.. a conversation. She was Supergirl, she had to be fine. But maybe Lena just kept telling herself that, to get rid of the guilt she was feeling. It wasn’t her fault, was it?
She thought about texting Alex. Just a quick text to check if she had already found something, maybe even offer some help. Lena reconsidered, reminding herself that this would show, that she still cared. She needed to keep that a secret, for now.
The time slowly faded away eventually and she convinced herself, that it was better to go to bed then to keep thinking about a lost friend.
She was sure that she would be dreaming of Kara anyways.
-
Kara woke up the next day to find a little note from Barry saying that he went back to Star Laps to fight some Metas. In the meantime, Iris was preparing breakfast and Kara told herself that she could get used to being woken up by the smell of pancakes.
“Morning” Kara mumbled and Iris turned to smile at her.
“I made breakfast” she stated the obvious and placed the last pancake on a huge plate. “I hope you like them as much as Barry does, because-“
Before she could finish that sentence, Kara had already speed walked across the room and grabbed one of the pancakes to try. Her eyes widened in satisfaction as she swallowed the pancake.
“Thish ish amASHinG!” Kara said, her mouth stuffed with two new pancakes.
Iris’ smile got even wider. “Thanks! I sometimes burn them but today is your lucky day I guess!”
Kara just nodded and took the plate to sit down at the table, Iris taking the seat next to her.
“So I kinda invited our friends today” she started, after Kara had finished the thirty pancakes. “They’re gonna be here any second”
Kara frowned. “Our friends?-“
“Hellooo ladies! I am so glad to finally be back in 2020!”
Kara jumped off her chair and turned around in surprise when Sara’s voice appeared next to her. She just watched the time portal close behind her back, when the former assassin stepped forward and pulled the Kryptonian into a hug.
“So, we’re having a little relationship trouble here, I’ve heard?” Sara asked as soon as Kara had loosed her grip and released her from her strong arms.
“I-“
The door opened and Caitlin rushed into the room. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Cisco kept telling me I should bring the book of Ralph so I had to talk him out it” she explained and then smiled at Sara. “Hi”
“What are you all doing here?” Kara asked confused. She was happy to see them but it did worry her a little bit.
“Well” Iris cleared her throat. “I called them because you’re going through a tough time and need some girl talk to fix your love struggle”
Caitlin gave Kara a knowing smile. “Ahha love struggle, huh?”
“More like gay struggle” Sara corrected and that’s when Kara’s mouth dropped open.
All three women burst out into laugher while Kara was standing there, trying to comprehend what was going on.
“Okay let’s just sit down and maybe start over, shall we?” Sara suggested and pointed towards the living room.
As soon as everyone had sit down on the couch, Kara was being faced by three women who were all desperate to hear about her problems. Her “gay” problems. She had to admit to herself, that it might be good to talk to someone about her feelings because although she wanted to tell Alex, she couldn’t convince herself to do it. Telling anyone, would make it real and she didn’t know if she was ready for that. It would change a couple of things in her life, maybe for the better, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take that risk.
She had already lost Lena anyways.
“So.. what exactly happened, first of all?” Sara ask. She looked at Kara softly and all the irony had disappeared from her voice.
Kara swallowed heavily. “Last year.. when Lex died, sort of, he told Lena that I was Supergirl” she started. “He told her, because he knew that she would hate me for it and she did. It broke her trust and..”
“Her heart” Iris figured.
It was so obvious that it was already painful. How had Kare lied to the CEO for so many years, every single day, knowing that she had been hurt by her whole family before. Kara had been the only person, Lena had actually trusted and again, she had been disappointed.
Lena probably thought that there was nobody in this whole universe, that was honest and good. Maybe she was right.
“She didn’t tell me right away” Kara continued and a tiny tear escaped her eye, by the memory of how even Alex had tried to convince her to tell Lena. She just didn’t have to courage to do it. “She kept pretending that she had no idea about my second Identity and when I finally told her about it, she acted like she hadn’t known but she.. she cried”
Kara felt the touch of Caitlin’s hand on her shoulder and gave her a weak smile. She hadn’t thought telling the story would mean reliving it.
“After that Lena and I were fine. We were friends and I even flew to Paris and Dublin to get some of her favorite food to surprise her” She smiled by the memory of how happy Lena had been. Which probably hadn’t been real.. “I.. I also broke into some government securities for her to steal Lex’ old diaries” Kara murmured and Iris’ eyes widened in shock.
“Oh my God, Kara, you didn’t get caught, did you?”
Kara shook her head. She had hated doing that and given a second thought, Lena had probably made Kara do it, without Kara even knowing. The diaries hadn’t been important to her because of Lex’ memory, but because of their content. How could Kara have been so naive?
“When did you realize that she was just pretending?” Caitlin asked and Kara lowered her had.
“I think it was one of the worst days of my life” Kara admitted, wiping away more tears. “I’d had discussions with Lena before as Supergirl and she even told me once - Supergirl - that I wasn’t her friend but.. this was different” Kara sniffed and gladly took the tissue Sara handed her. Her baby blue eyes were watching the blonde with concern. “Anyways.. I took Lena to the Fortress of Solitude, remember the place I once told you about that’s located in the arctic?” Everyone nodded and so Kara continued. “Lena overwrote its system and I only realized it, when she was holding Myriad, a technology that can control humanity. It was then when Lena told me that she had known about my secret all this time and she obviously didn’t believe me when I told her that I had been trying to protect her!” Kara took a deep breath and wiped her tears with the tissue. “Well.. I cried and she cried and if I was honest to myself, I knew that protecting her hadn’t been the only reason. I knew that if I told her, she’d be mad and I just.. I couldn’t risk losing her. She loved Kara and so I tried to be just Kara for her but.. I lied to her and I didn’t see how much worse I was making everything, the longer I waited”
Lena was so pure and had been so honest with Kara all this time, she has trusted her, even Supergirl and Kara had used that trust against her. Especially at the time when Lena had been making Kryptonite. She could have helped Lena with Sam but she hadn’t told Kara about her worries, because she didn’t know she was Supergirl. All this time they could have done so many great things together, but Kara had preferred lying to her best friend instead, every single day.
“You had good intentions” Iris reminded her and gave the blonde a warm smile. “You didn’t mean to hurt her you wanted to protect her, I understand that, Kara”
“But I could have told her so long ago! We’ve been friends for years!”
“When I found out that Barry was the Flash, I was so mad. He had kept a part of himself a secret from me. It hurt so much but eventually, I tried seeing things from his point of view. He only wanted to keep me safe” Iris explained and her words sounded so wise, Kara almost believed that everything could be fine again. She reconsidered that when she remembered that Lena had tried to shoot her with Kryptonite and hadn’t listened to her warnings about Lex.
Again.
“But you’re a couple, Iris. You love Barry and he loves you. You’re married! ” Kara said. “It’s different”
“So you’re telling me that you don’t love that Luthor girl?” Sara asked and cocked an eyebrow.
Kara felt her whole face turn red by that comment and by the look on the other women’s faces, she could tell that it was obvious. “I mean..-“ She stopped herself and looked at her feet. Pushing down those feelings had always seemed like the better choice, but now that people were actually talking about it, basically stating how obvious her crush was, she started thinking that it might be better, to just face her damn feelings. She couldn’t push them away forever. “I might like her, yes” she eventually murmured.
“So that’s a start, right?” Caitlin asked, trying to encourage the blonde. “Maybe you should just tell her”
“Tell her??” Kara almost jumped off the sofa. “Most definitely not! Lena hates me right now! She would probably laugh at me if I told her that I liked her more than just friends. We’re not even friends anymore”
Kara could imagine Lena’s laugh if she actually told her. She would tell her how pathetic she was and that this wouldn’t change anything between them. She would probably even make fun of her and would use that situation to weaken the Kryptonian. It really was pathetic.
“Ava and I hated us when we first met” Sara mentioned. “She shot my time-ship, interfered in my missions and was literally hunting me down. She was still mad when I saved her from a sabertooth but somehow everything changed after a mutual mission. I actually got to know her and she got to know me”
“The perfect love story, huh?” Caitlin smiled at the Waverider captain.
“Oh no. Our first date was horrible! I stood her up because of my team and she was so mad! But then we kissed and after that-“
“Okay we get it” Iris quickly interrupted Sara’s narrative, which was about to turn into a sex story.
“So you’re telling me to just.. what? Go for it?” Kara asked, frowning at her friend. She wasn’t sure if this was worth the risk. Lena might just hate her even more after that.
“Well.. you have nothing to lose, right?” Iris shrugged. “If Lena really hates you, which I don’t think she does, then telling her about your crush wouldn’t change anything. But if she doesn’t hate you and you tell her-“
“-she’ll definitely hate me then” Kara finished the sentence. It was inevitable.
“NoOo!” Caitlin facepalmed herself.
“She might actually feel the same” Iris said. “You don’t know until you try, Kara. I think she likes you”
“ Liked me” Kara corrected. “Past tense”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay? You did what you thought was right and even if it wasn’t, everyone makes mistakes, even Supergirl”
“Especially Supergirl” Kara murmured and rested her head on Iris’ shoulder. “I’m so dumb for lying to her”
Iris just sighed and put an arm around the blonde’s shoulder. It had felt good talking about all those things that Kara couldn’t talk about before, because she didn’t want to believe they were real. But they were and now that she knew that, she should at least try to fix them.
Even if Lena hated her, which was pretty likely, there might still be a chance, that she hadn’t decided to work with Lex yet and that she was willing to forgive Kara. Some day. If Kara was honest with her completely, even if that meant that she had to tell her about her feelings, she might gain Lena’s trust back. It wouldn’t be easy, it never was, but it was certainly worth a try.
Kara’s phone vibrated in her pocket and she could imagine another fifty texts from her sister, who was probably worried to her death.
“Who is it?” Sara asked as Kara freed herself from Iris’ arms to pull out her phone, unsure if she should take a look.
“It’s probably Alex” Kara sighed and turned on her screen.
97 unread messages from Alex 💖
5 unread messages from J’onn
14 unread messages from Nia ✨
2 unread messages from Brainy
and..
1 unread message from Lena ❤️
“Oh my god” Kara whispered, staring at her screen. It was, without a doubt, a notification from Lena. Besides that, she had over a hundred missed calls in total, but that didn’t matter.
“Did she text you??” Caitlin asked with wide eyes.
Kara just nodded and slowly unlocked her phone. She hadn’t used it in days but this was Lena so she had to take a look. Maybe the others had been right, there was still hope.
“So what did she say?” Iris asked, looking over Kara’s shoulder.
Kara opened the chat and was about to read it out loud, when her screen turned black and the battery symbol appeared, signaling that her phone was dead.
“OH COME ON, SERIOUSLY?!”
-
Maybe you should text her, Alex had said.
Maybe she’s ignoring my messages but I’m sure she’ll respond to yours, she had said, convinced that Kara would still do anything for the CEO. Lena wasn’t too sure about that but she had tried giving it a thought.
When Alex had called her a few hours ago, she had been so excited and had hoped - prayed - that Kara had been found. Sadly, that hadn’t been the case. If Kara was really avoiding her sister and her other friends, Lena could try to reach out but if she wasn’t, that wouldn’t make any difference. Why would Kara want to ‘escape’ anyways? Why would she just fly off if she hadn’t been kidnapped? Could she have actually been heartbroken from what Lena had or hadn’t said to her? Alex had mentioned, that Kara had never done something like this and she had lost Mon-El and a whole planet. She had lost so many people and now she had a fight with Lena, who was still avoiding the blonde.
Now that Lena gave it a second thought she realized how selfish that was. Losing Mon-El and her planet had had something to do with her being Supergirl. That’s why she hadn’t wanted to tell Lena, so she wouldn’t lose her too. It made so much sense and looking at the current situation Lena could see why Kara had been so scared after all those tears. She had known how the CEO would react and it had exactly happened as she had predicted it.
Lena had been hurt, again, and she had shut Kara out, she had tried to hurt her and she had almost gone evil. Kara had been right, she was becoming a villain as long as she was still working with Lex and she didn’t want that.
Not ever.
Lena sighed and sunk deeper into her bed. She hadn’t gone to work since Alex had texted her about Kara because she didn’t want to miss any news. She missed Kara. Gosh, she missed Kara so much, so, so much and it was stupid that she realized that only now. She had been missing her for weeks but she had tried to push those pathetic feelings away. They weren’t pathetic. They meant something and eventually, Lena needed to face them. Better sooner than later.
Just text her, Lena, please. Alex’s words kept echoing in her head.
Lena slowly took her phone and turned it on, a picture of Kara and herself jumped her in the eye as she entered her password. They had taken it at one of their lunch dates and Kara’s mouth had been dirty with food, pizza, Lena remembered. It had been a beautiful day, as always when Kara was there. She made her bad mood fade away and somehow always managed to form a smile on Lena’s face.
That’s how Kara was. Always.
Lena’s fingers dragged her to Kara’s chat that was just signed with a simple red heart.
The last time they had texted had been weeks ago and it was when Kara had been trying to apologize again and had tried to call her. Lena had ignored the messages and had almost deleted the whole chat, which she was now glad that she hadn’t.
Are you okay? She typed but quickly deleted it again. That was a weird thing to ask after all this time
Hey. .. she typed but also pressed the delete button afterwards. How did you start a damn conversation?
Alex told me you disappeared.. Are you alright? Lena stared at the typed message and wondered if she should add Please text me back but she didn’t want to sound too desperate so she didn’t.
She pressed ‘send’ and immediately turned off her phone. Although she didn’t want to admit it, she was kind of scared of the answer, in case Kara was going to reply at all.
-
“Alex told me you disappeared. Are you alright?” Kara read the message from Lena out loud to the small group after she had charged her phone. A smile formed on her face by the look of Lena’s text and it made her happy in a way she hadn’t been in weeks. Hope.
“That’s good! That’s a good sign text her back!!” Caitlin insisted. “Just let her know that you’re alright!”
Kara thought about that for a second. She didn’t want to sound desperate by responding immediately, as if she had basically waited for that tiny little text all this time. Maybe she had but Lena didn’t need to know that. Not yet.
“Are you sure?” Kara bit her lip. “Maybe Alex forced her to do it? Maybe she didn’t actually want it..”
“Oh my god you gotta stop overthinking everything. Just text her back” Sara said and smiled encouraging.
Kara sighed and looked back at her phone.
I’m okay. Thank you, Lena
Kara watched her sent message and her heart made a jump when it was marked as ‘read’ a few seconds later.
“She already read it” Kara whispered, not taking her eyes off the screen.
The typing symbol appeared and Kara felt like she was dying on the inside. Was this real?
“Okay, don’t stress! I can almost hear your heartbeat and I don’t even have superhearing” Iris said and placed one hand firmly on Kara’s shoulder.
Lena’s messages arrived, followed by another.
Thank God, you scared everyone.
Where are you?
Everyone? Did that include her? Had she been worried? Probably not.
I’m at Barry’s place. I don’t think you’ve met him, but I’m friends with his wife and some other people.
Why didn’t you text Alex back? She thinks someone kidnapped you or worse!
Kara bit her lip. She should have taken the missed notifications more seriously. Alex was going to freak out.
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I just needed some time alone, outside of National City.
It’s okay, are you going to call Alex then?
I will, thank you Lena.
It means a lot.
It’s okay.
I’ll see you when you’re back?
Kara smiled and felt a small blush on her cheeks.
Definitely! I’ll text you then?
Alright
:)
:)
“Damn you’re glowing, girl” Sara said when Kara finally looked up from her phone. “You’re really in love huh?”
“Hell ya she is” Iris agreed and Caitlin just gave the blonde a proud smile.
Kara blushed even harder and would have loved to just disappear on the couch to escape the embarrassing moment. Unfortunately, not even Supergirl could do that. “I guess I’m just happy” Kara whispered and tried to hide her face behind her hands.
“I’m glad you are” Iris said and removed her hand from her shoulder. “And now you should go back”
“Go get your girl” Sara agreed.
“And don’t forget to call us afterwards!” Caitlin added.
Kara just smiled and stood up to hug her three friends. “I owe you” she said as she hugged Iris. “Thank you guys so much for everything I couldn’t have done it without it”
“We didn’t really do anything” Caitlin said as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. “We just listened”
“That’s true” Sara agreed. “But I’m also glad to participate in the gay talk” She pulled Kara into a tight hug. “I’ll miss you, Supergirl”
“Just come visit me soon” Kara whispered into her shoulder. “You’re always welcome at my place. And bring Ava some time! I finally wanna see who managed to steal Sara Lance’s heart” She smiled at the waverider captain while Sara rolled her eyes.
“I will, get home safe, alright?”
“Always”
She waved at everyone before she ripped off her glasses, rushed out of the apartment and jumped into the night sky. Her suit felt comfortable on her skin and it was weird that she hadn’t worn it in almost a week. It felt good to have it back.
Kara quietly opened the window to Alex’ apartment when she realized how late it was already. She probably wasn’t asleep at half past ten but she didn’t want to scare her or worse, have her shoot her. Before she could even think about how to apologize and explain everything, the lights turned on and Kara was facing her sister.
“Where the hell have you been?!!”
Kara bit her lip and took some steps closer, carefully watching Alex, who seemed not happy about the whole situation.
“Uhmm..”
“I thought something might have happened to you!! Did you think about that??? You didn’t answer ANY OF MY TEXTS!” Alex screamed and the blonde, who looked at her red Supergirl boots. Alex hadn’t shouted at her like that in a long time.
“I’m really sorry” Kara whispered, refusing to look up and face her sister. “I needed some time to think and to.. cry I guess. I’m sorry, Alex”
Alex sighed. “Where did you even go? I even called mom”
Kara played with her cape. “I went to see Barry and Iris’” she murmured. “I just needed some time away from everything here. I felt like I was drowning. And then there was also-“
“Lena” Alex finished her sentence. “I called her”
Kara nodded and finally looked up to her sister. “I’m really sorry I got you worried but I’m fine and I promise I’ll never do it again. I’m sorry”
Alex had tears in her eyes when she pulled Kara into a hug and didn’t let go for a while. “It’s okay” she whispered. “You’re okay”
They stood there in silence until Alex eventually let go of the blonde hero and signaled her to sit down.
Kara dropped herself on the sofa next to Alex and rested her head on her shoulder, when her sister pulled one arm around the Kryptonian to pull her close.
“Why couldn’t you talk to me about your problems, though? I thought we talked about everything?” Alex whispered and Kara could tell that she was hurt, that she had preferred to see Iris instead of talking to her sister first.
“I.. I guess I was scared” Kara admitted. “I thought I could handle everything on my own but I was just so.. - gosh Alex I was so heartbroken when Lena was about to shoot me, and when she started working with Lex, I thought I had lost her completely. The night before I left to go to Central City, I told her that I would start treating her like a villain, if she kept working with Lex. It hurt me so much and then she just stood there and..” A quiet sob escaped Kara’s mouth which had Alex pull her even closer. She pressed a soft kiss on Kara’s forehead and wiped away a tear.
“I get that, Kara. I really do. You like her a lot, don’t you?” Alex moved her hand over Kara’s back, trying to calm her a little.
“Gosh Alex, I think I love her” Kara whispered and buried her head in her sister’s shoulder. “I love her so much”
Just the thought of Lena made Kara’s heart skip faster and every time the CEO smiled it felt like all the butterflies in the world suddenly came alive in Kara’s stomach. She couldn’t help it.
“Oh baby girl” Alex stroked some hair behind the hero’s ear and gave her another kiss on her head. “It’s going to be fine. She still cares about you, I’m sure about that”
Kara slightly nodded. “She texted me” she whispered and wiped away the rest of her tears. “She asked if we could meet up as soon as I was back in the city”
Alex’ mouth dropped open and she stared at her sister. “That’s amazing!! Kara you need to text her!”
The blonde frowned. “Now?”
Alex looked like she wanted to facepalm herself. “Yes of course NOW! Just text her!!”
Kara widened her eyes but quickly nodded and grabbed her phone. “What am I supposed to say?” she asked, biting her lip again.
The redhead shrugged. “Anything”
The blonde sighed and typed in the message.
I’m home now. Ready to talk?
Not even five seconds later Lena responded which formed a smile on Kara’s face.
Come to my place at 1 1 am? Brunch?
Sounds perfect! Anything I should bring?
I actually didn’t want t o ask you but remember those scones from Dublin..?
Yup. I’ll bring them :)
Thank you, Kara.
See you tomorrow?
At eleven! :)
“Oh my god Alex we’re gonna have brunch tomorrow” Kara told her sister, letting herself fall into the back of the couch. “I’m scared. Should I be scared? What if it’s gonna be all weird? Maybe she’s still mad?”
What if Lena was just messing with Kara? Again. Maybe she didn’t mean any of what she had said! Kara would be such a fool if she now walked into one of Lex’s traps.
“Hey” Alex said and turned Kara’s face to look her in the eye. “It’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine just.. trust your heart”
-
The next day came sooner than expected and Kara tried to dress as nice as possible to her brunch with Lena. Always go with blue, Alex liked to say and it was true. Kara did look good in blue.
She chose a tight short dress, that showed some of her abs and was just appropriate enough for a normal brunch date.
Brunch, it wasn’t a date. Was it?
When Kara was ready, she quickly flew to Dublin and got the scones Lena had asked for. It smelled so good! Maybe she should take Lena some time, so she could experience the whole atmosphere instead of just eating the country’s food.
In front of Lena’s door, Kara played with the bottom of her dress, trying to somehow prepare herself for what was going to happen next. It was just a normal day, right? Nothing special, just a normal brunch.
At this point, Kara didn’t even know if they were still friends.
She took a deep breath before she knocked on the door and waited. Seconds felt like hours until the door opened and a beautiful CEO faced the blonde reporter.
Lena was wearing a white blouse which was somewhat see-through and blue pants that fit tight on her legs. She didn’t have a bun like usual but instead was wearing her hair down and it took away Kara’s very last breath. Lena looked, without question, beautifully.
“I uhm.. Hi” Kara managed to say, unsure if she should hug the CEO or not.
Lena herself didn’t really know what to do, so instead of hugging the blonde, she took the bag of scones from her hands and put them on her counter. She then turned around and lead Kara inside.
“I’m glad this worked out” Lena said as she sat down and a small smile appeared on her face. It wasn’t much but it was certainly something. Maybe a beginning?
“Me too” Kara whispered, and took the bag of scones with her to sit down next to Lena on her couch, making sure to leave some space between them.
Silence. Neither Lena nor Kara talked which was exactly what Kara had been afraid of. She didn’t even know if Lena was still mad at her or not.
“Thank you for the scones” Lena whispered after a while, which made Kara’s face light up a little.
“Of course. It’s not a big deal, really” she replied and tried to hide a wider smile. She gave the bag of scones to Lena, for a second time, and Kara saw how she inhaled the scent.
The CEO cleared her throat after she had put the scones next to her and faced the blonde again. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. It seemed to be just as hard for Lena as it was for Kara.
“Look you don’t have to-“ Kara started but Lena interrupted her.
“Kara”
It was a quiet whisper but the blonde hero could hear it loud and clear. Her eyes met Lena’s and she quickly shut her mouth.
“Is it okay if I start?” she asked quietly which had Kara wondering if she might actually be scared. Of what, though? Kara’s reaction? Kara wasn’t sure but nodded immediately after the shy question.
“Of course”
Lena’s hair fell perfectly down her shoulders when a small smile appeared on her face for the second time today. It was going well.
“I was hurt, Kara” Lena started, avoiding Kara’s gaze at first. “After Lex had told me, I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you so badly and I created tonnes of virtual realities in which I told you that I knew, where I could even physically harm you because I thought maybe hitting you would make me feel better” Lena looked up at Kara for a second, who was already fighting with her tears. She didn’t want to cry. Not yet, not again. “But.. It didn’t make me feel better. That hurt, that pain in my chest was still there, but hurting you only made it worse” Lena took a deep breath and lowered her eyes. “And then you actually told me. It changed everything, I felt a glim of hope that you actually cared about me and trusted me, but then I remembered that you had lied to me for years. Over and over again, day after day.”
“Lena, I-“ Kara started, wiping away some tears that had won the fight.
“Please Kara, let me finish” she asked and Kara nodded slightly.
“So I thought that if you trusted me, still, that I could use your trust as an advantage, just like you had used mine. And it worked. You trusted me just like you had before, maybe even more, and I used that trust” Lena met Kara’s eyes and although Kara had thought Lena would never start crying in front of her, not after everything she had said, she witnessed how a single tear run down Lena’s face.
Kara wanted to close the small distance between them and hold her friend, but she knew that she couldn’t do that. Not yet. She had to listen to what Lena had to say, even if it broke her heart even more.
“At first, I felt powerful. I felt strong but I soon realized that the strength was just on the outside. I was still torn on the inside and when you saw me with Myriad.. something inside of me broke even more. I didn’t want to steal Myriad, deep inside I didn’t want to do it but I did it anyway because all I could think about was the hurt that you had inflicted on me” Lena wiped away her tears and focused on her own words. “I am terribly sorry for what I did in the Fortress of Solitude. I know that now but that day I was blinded by trying to take revenge... on you. I am sorry”
Kara nodded once again and adjusted her glasses. “It’s my fault. I’m the reason you did it in the first place” she whispered.
“It was still wrong but I only realized that when you came to my balcony a week ago and told me that I was becoming a villain. Just like Lex and my mother and..” Lena looked at her hands that were resting on her lap. It looked like she didn’t know what to say and she didn’t want to meet Kara’s eyes either. She looked uncomfortable.
“I didn’t mean that” Kara said honestly. “I know you’re a good person Lena, I just needed you to see what path you were going down. I knew you didn’t want to be like Lex and I thought if I told you, you were becoming a villain, you would realize what you were doing. But I would never, ever think that of you.”
Eventually, Lena looked up and finally met Kara’s eyes. The blue was shining through her tears and the look she gave Lena, full of passion and honesty, made Lena want to wipe away her tears and tell her, how beautiful she was. So beautiful.
“Thank you” Lena whispered instead, biting her lip, which was actually such a Kara thing to do.
Kara saw it and her eyes got stuck at Lena’s lips and she had to force herself to look back up into Lena’s eyes.
“So.. but when did you decide to..” Kara stopped herself. She didn’t want to say forgive me because she didn’t even know if Lena had actually forgiven her.
Fortunately, Lena knew exactly what Kara meant and nodded.
“Two days ago, I believe it was, Alex texted me that you had gone missing” Lena begun. “When Alex told me since when you hadn’t been seen anywhere, I couldn’t help but notice that it was after your last balcony visit. So I got worried...”
Kara tried to hide her smile when Lena told her that she had been worried. She didn’t want to hope too much but just that one phrase made Kara’s face light up and there was nothing she could do about it.
“I kept thinking that if something had happened to you, it would be my fault. And although I really didn’t want to care about it, I didn’t want to care about you , I did”
Lena looked Kara in the eye and Kara’s mouth dropped open when she saw how beautifully Lena looked. She had been sitting in front of her for the past few minutes now but the way her eyes were glimmering because of her tears, and the way her hair was smoothly put behind her left ear, it made Kara question if Lena was even real. Maybe she was an alien too, or a goddess. Probably a goddess. The goddess of beauty.
“And after a while of staring at photos of us together and going through our chat conversations, I remembered everything else that you had done for me, which I had almost forgotten about because of the pain”
Kara frowned a little, tilting her head. “What do you mean?”
Lena smiled and kept looking in Kara’s eyes. “You saved me so many times, Kara. So many times and although I thought it was Supergirl, it had always been you”
Lena moved closer to Kara until she reached her hand and carefully took hold of it. Kara shivered at the touch but let it happen because she wanted it. She needed it.
“When I fell from my balcony, you caught me just in the right moment and saved me” Lena started and strokes her thumb over the back of Kara’s hand.
Kara blushed. “Well you got pushed and I guess it was lucky that I had you on the phone at that exact moment”
“You didn’t hesitate to rush over to save me, though” Lena said and Kara nodded.
“Of course not”
“And then there was my plane with the chemicals and me on it. Although I told you to save the chemicals, you insisted to rescue us both and with that you saved me again”
“That was rough, I almost lost you that day” Kara said as she remembered. She couldn’t have lived with herself, knowing that she hadn’t been strong enough to save Lena.
“And then when I got poisoned” Lena reminded the blonde. “You picked me up, flew me to the DEO and saved me. Again”
Kara grinned. “I needed to hurry”
“And I even told you that I had a strange dream that we were flying! Oh my god, I’m such an idiot” Lena laughed and leaned back against the couch, not letting go of Kara’s hand though.
Kara chuckled. “But you were convinced it had just been a dream”
That day Kara’s heart had almost stopped when Lena mentioned her dream about the two of them flying. She had been so afraid of losing her.
“Anyways” Lena said, blushing slightly as she looked down at her and Kara’s hands. “What I meant to say is that you, Kara Danvers, have saved me so many times, even without your Superpowers” Lena moved over to Kara completely, until their legs were touching and Kara had to hold her breath.
She hadn’t been this close to Lena in weeks and feeling that familiar touch again made her heart beat faster.
When she heard Lena clear her throat, she looked up and met two beautiful green eyes, that were full of love and... hope?
“I trust you Kara. I trust and I will always trust you and I am so sorry for what I did. I know it was wrong and you were right” she smiled at the blonde. “And also.. these past weeks without you were horrible and I don’t think I can survive my life without you any longer”
It was a quiet whisper but Kara heard it. The blonde smiled, wider than ever.
“And I trust you, Lena Luthor. I know I made a mistake and I really feel like I should say something else -“
“You don’t have to” Lena quickly interrupted her. “You have already explained yourself so many times and it was my fault for not listening then. I understand why you did what you did. I’m not going to say that I’m happy about it, because I’m not, but I am glad that you told me again in person” Lena said, taking a breath before continuing. “And I don’t care if Kara Danvers is also Supergirl because even if you weren’t, you will always be my hero”
Kara couldn’t hold it together anymore. She broke out into hears that kept running down her face and they didn’t stop. She wasn’t sobbing, but she sat there, face to face with Lena, her Lena, and cried. It seemed so unreal that Kara at first didn’t even notice what happened next.
Lena gently removed the glasses from Kara’s face, carefully putting them on the table in front of them. Kara watched the CEO as she wiped away Kara’s tears and eventually rested both her hands on Kara’s cheeks. Her thumbs brushed over Kara’s soft skin and all Kara could do was stare back into Lena’s eyes.
Everything after that felt like being in a trance.
Kara couldn’t progress what was happening when Lena leaned in and closed the last tiny distance between them. A quiet whimper escaped her mouth when Lena’s lips met hers and started moving gently against them. The CEO smile by that sound of Kara’s and pressed their lips together even harder. Lena’s lips were soft, full and tasted better than anything Kara had ever tasted before, which included potstickers. The blonde’s hand wandered to Lena’s neck while her other arm was firmly wrapped around her waist, deepening the kiss by any chance.
They both pulled away from the lack of air, taking some deep breaths before staring at each other intensively.
Lena’s face was covered with the most beautiful smile Kara had ever seen, and Kara herself felt her cheeks hurt from her wide grin.
“That was..”
“Perfect” Lena finished the blonde’s sentence as she pressed herself against her friend. “It was perfect” she repeated, stroking some of Kara’s hair behind her ear while she felt the blonde’s breath on her skin.
“You know I’m never going to let you go, right?” Kara whispered against Lena’s lips, brushing their noses together.
“Good for me” Lena whispered, before her lips were on Kara’s again, pushing the blonde against the couch.
This was better than Kara would have ever dared to imagine. This was home.