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Riza couldn’t sleep. Each time her eyes drifted shut, the image of Maes’ limp, bloodied body filled her head, jolting her back to the harsh reality. She felt sick.
The lieutenant rubbed at her eyes and glanced at the clock.
3:28 am.
She grimaced.
They must have missed something. None of this was adding up. The Colo-
The Colonel.
She should probably check on him. Riza doubted he was getting any sleep either. She shuffled over to the phone and rang the familiar number.
No answer.
Riza’s stomach squirmed.
She called again to no avail. Maybe he had managed to pass out in exhaustion. But somehow she knew that wasn’t the case.
Black Hayate peered up at her curiously.
“Hey boy,” she bent to scratch the dog’s velvety ears. “I think I’m gonna pay a visit to Colonel Mustang alright? You go back to sleep.”
Her loyal shiba seemed to understand and puttered back to his bed.
Not even bothering to change out of pajamas, the lieutenant grabbed a coat and shoes and left the apartment, worry quickening her pace.
“I hope you haven’t done anything stupid, sir.”
**********
The walk to his apartment was relatively short, but chilly, though Riza hardly felt the cold. Her heart pounded with each step.
He wouldn’t he wouldn’t he wouldn’t he wouldn’t he wouldn’t.
The building stretched before her and she stopped abruptly, suddenly wishing she had brought Hayate with her.
She made it the rest of the way to Room 318 in a haze.
Pale knuckles rapped lightly on the door.
Silence.
Reaching for her purse, Riza pulled out the extra key. She couldn’t seem to make it in the keyhole though- was her hand shaking?
“I’m coming in, sir,” she mumbled more to herself than anyone, and pushed the door open.
She froze at the sight before her.
Roy was sprawled unconscious on his kitchen floor. For a split second she feared he might be dead, until she noticed the empty whisky bottle, lying forgotten beside him.
The Colonel had dark circles under his eyes, and what appeared to be vomit down his front. He was still in his dress shirt and pants. He looked altogether miserable.
Riza carefully hung up her coat and approached, the door clicking shut behind her. Careful not to step in the leftover sick, she shook Roy gently.
Bloodshot eyes flashed open, and Roy immediately held out his bare hand, ready to snap at a moment's notice. Seeing his bodyguard, he let out a breath, relaxing his stance.
“What are you doing here?” He grumbled, not meeting her eyes.
“Just checking in sir.”
“Clearly I’m fine.” The Colonel looked around lazily, reaching towards the whiskey. “You’re free to go lieutenant.”
Riza nudged the bottle away with her foot. “I respectfully decline.”
He fixed her with a look, half pained half annoyed. “Please Hawkeye. Leave me be.”
She stared back with matched intensity. “I’m not leaving you.”
“Go. That’s an order.” Then, under his breath, “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“No.”
“Damn you Riza, just go.”
Riza merely pursed her lips and stood to survey the situation, ignoring the rare use of her first name.
Roy watched her warily. Making her way behind the counter, she noticed something else that made her stop in her tracks, tucked in the corner where the glass bottle of whiskey had rolled. Her heart dropped to her stomach.
A small, black pistol.
Roy followed her gaze, then looked away.
Riza cleared her throat, but said nothing, trying in vain to rid the lump blocking her airway. The Colonel winced at the sound.
“Can you stand?”
He looked down at himself, as if suddenly noticing his sorry state. “Maybe,” he replied shakily.
“Good,” Riza spoke, voice breaking.
She crouched beside him once again and carefully undid the buttons to the ruined dress shirt. She eyed the stained pants as well, but he shook his head.
“I can do it. Please.”
Riza nodded quietly, and positioned herself to lift under his arm.
Together, they struggled to their feet, with Roy swaying a bit before steadying himself. The silence weighed heavily as they painstakingly made their way to the bathroom.
Roy sat on the closed toilet lid while his lieutenant fiddled with the taps. Hot water came rushing out into the tub.
“Riza-“
She shook her head, whole body tensed.
Roy deflated, but bit his tongue.
“Clean yourself up,” was all she said before exiting the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
She returned once, only to place a stack of clean pajamas inside, and leave again.
Roy sank deeper into the water.
**********
After changing into the soft blue linens, Roy paused to look at himself in the mirror. He frowned, and the sad, sunken specter frowned back.
So this is what he had become.
He turned his head from side to side, and after contemplating, grabbed a razor. He should at least try to make himself look presentable.
A few minutes later, Roy left the bathroom, still a little dizzy, but clean at least, and freshly shaven.
The mess in the kitchen had been entirely cleaned up, and he kicked himself for not at least trying to help.
From the couch, Riza flinched awake, a red circle marking her cheek. She seemed to have dozed off into her hand. She rubbed bleary eyes.
Something inexplicable panged in his chest.
“I’m... done.” He stammered, unsure of what else to say.
Riza nodded, the touch of a smile gracing her face for the first time that night. Her expression quickly returned to its usual businesslike air though as she rose to meet him, a glass of ice water in hand.
“Drink.”
He drank.
Riza watched as he did so, arms folded, weight shifted to one side, brows furrowed.
Roy knew that stance. She was trying to read him— what he was thinking, feeling... all the things he had been trying to keep hidden. She looked lost, small, shifting her feet in her pale lavender pajamas. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that it was all okay... he was okay and-
“You’re not okay.”
He coughed in surprise, nearly choking on the water.
“Don’t lie to me. What were you thinking?”
Roy eyed her, unsure of how to respond.
“Do you know how worried I was coming over here? When you didn’t answer your phone, for one terrifying moment it crossed my mind- but I thought you would never be that stupid-“
“Riza-”
“You would never leave me like that...” she took a few short breaths, blinking back tears.
“Roy, I was so scared. But I thought you would never... you wouldn’t...” her lip quivered, and she stared fixated on the floor.
After two swift steps, he crushed her to him, and a short gasp escaped.
“I’m so sorry,” Is all he managed, burying his face in her neck.
Riza clutched him closer, shaking her head. He felt the wet droplets hit his skin.
“I’m so sorry,” Roy heaved, pain wracking his body. “I’m so so sorry.”
“He was my friend too, you know,” Riza murmured.
“I know.”
He rocked her gently from side to side.
“It all feels wrong without him.”
A nod, through pursed lips.
Then, even quieter, “I can’t lose you too.” She mindlessly raked her fingers through his damp hair, as if trying to ground herself.
“You won’t. I’m here. I promise you won’t Riza.”
She sighed at that, and brushed her lips against his bent head. “You’re here. Thank goodness you’re here.”