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Aster Flores and Ellie Chu fall in love on a Sunday morning.
Everything that follows is much, much more complicated than that.
But in this moment, it’s as simple as Aster loves Ellie and Ellie loves Aster.
They’re nine years old, lounging around in the signal box outside Ellie’s house. It’s small and cramped, but big enough for the both of them.
Sometimes, Aster jokes that this is their own little home, tucked aways from the world. Ellie always smiles at that.
Aster followed Ellie here after service. Or maybe Ellie dragged Aster here after service. The story depends on who you ask.
Right now, Ellie is pacing about and Aster is sprawled out on the bench. She’s thinking. They both are.
Aster just asked Ellie what her favorite part about church was today- something her mother asks her every Sunday afternoon. She thinks Ellie will have a good answer to her question. She always does.
But today, Ellie just shrugs. She isn’t particularly fond of going to church, so she tells Aster this, who’s brows knit at her reply. The brown-haired girl is puzzled because Ellie and her father are always the first ones there.
Something in Aster knows the appropriate follow-up question is Why not?
Something in Aster doesn’t care to be proper around Ellie Chu.
After a beat of silence, Aster sits up and Ellie stands still.
“Then why do you go?”
Aster’s question is innocent, simple.
Ellie’s answer is quiet, complicated.
“For you.”
They both blink.
The air between them is warm and gentle.
Ellie repeats herself, a little louder this time. More sure of her words.
Her breath tickles Aster’s nose.
“Oh.”
Aster can’t help but giggle. Ellie ducks her head, a blush creeping up her cheeks.
They’re silent again. Only for a bit, before Aster continues.
“You’re my favorite part too, Ellie Chu.”
Ellie smiles. She likes the way Aster says her name, chops up the syllables. “Oh.”
Then: “That rhymes.”
Aster grins, lips parted.
Last week, her father told her to smile with her lips pressed together because her tooth is missing and she looks silly this way.
Aster doesn’t mind looking silly in front of Ellie.
Ellie’s eyes shine. Like she knows something Aster doesn’t.
And it’s true.
In this moment, Ellie knows something Aster doesn’t.
She almost blurts it out, too.
Ellie isn’t the best at keeping secrets. Not from her best friend, anyway.
Except, she knows that this is something Aster needs to figure out on her own.
And Ellie isn’t a patient person, not really. They both know this.
But she waits anyway.
She always does, when it comes to Aster Flores.
Life is simple for the next few years.
Ellie is content. So is Aster.
Then comes the summer after eighth grade.
The summer things start to change.
For starters, puberty hits.
Suddenly, Ellie is taller than Aster. Suddenly, Aster’s eyes aren’t the only thing that catches Ellie’s attention.
Ellie thinks this is it. This is the summer that things change between them.
And they do. Just, not the way Ellie imagined they would.
Aster’s family spends the summer visiting her grandparents, back in California.
Ellie isn’t quite sure what to do with herself, now that she’s alone. It’s not that she hates being on her own. In fact, Ellie is quite content with herself.
She’s just not so content without Aster by her side.
And then she meets this boy.
His name is Paul.
It’s the last day of June and Ellie is biking home from the library when a football bounces off her helmet and she veers into a tree.
“Fuck.”
A pale boy with red hair runs over to help her up. She doesn’t accept the hand he extends towards her.
It’s not that Ellie and Paul haven’t met before. Everyone in this town knows of each other.
Ellie remembers Paul Munsky from her English class in seventh grade. He only spoke when he was called on, but Ellie knows he plays for the school football team and stutters when he speaks.
“Sorry,” Paul says.
Ellie groans. What does it matter, anyway. Sorry won’t fix her bike.
Paul reads her mind, because he cringes at the wreck and promises to help her fix it. She doesn’t believe him.
Paul offers to carry her bike home. After a failed attempt at doing it herself, Ellie agrees.
The next day, Paul knocks on her door. He brought his father’s toolbox with him. Ellie hesitates.
His eyes are kind, so she opens the door with a sigh and lets him in.
A week later, Ellie’s bike is fixed. It takes them a week because they get distracted by Bollywood movies and yakult and ping-pong
Paul likes that Ellie and her father are peaceful in a way that his family isn’t and, even though she won’t admit it, Ellie really doesn’t mind Paul’s company.
The next day, Paul knocks on their door again. Ellie rolls her eyes.
“What do you want this time, Munsky?”
He holds up a plate of taco sausages.
Ellie lets him in.
By the end of the summer, Paul loses his stutter and Ellie gains a friend.
For a few months, Ellie is content.
Life is simple.
And then, it’s the first day of September and things are complicated again.
There’s a knock at the door. Normally, Ellie would yell for Paul to come in because he knows where they keep the spare key. But the lanky boy is already in the kitchen with her father, so Ellie frowns, wonders who it could be.
She opens the door to Aster Flores.
“Oh.”
“Hey, heathen.”
“Hi. You’re back a day early?”
Aster shrugs. “I wanted to surprise you.”
Ellie holds her breath. She sure is surprised.
Aster is taller than her again. This time for good- although neither of them know that yet.
Her skin is tanner and her eyes are brighter and she’s, just, different.
Ellie can’t quite put her finger on it, but she knows something has changed with Aster.
For better or for worse, only time will tell.
Turns out, it doesn’t take long to figure out.
For whatever reason, Aster is taken aback by Paul.
“Why are you so surprised?” Ellie groans for the fifth time today.
High school starts tomorrow and Aster insists on picking out her outfit. Today is the first time almost all summer that Paul doesn’t visit.
Ellie invited him over, of course, but he shrugged her off, something about girl time, or whatever girls do together.
“He just- you just- you know.”
Ellie is a little offended by Aster implying that Ellie is incapable of making friends besides her, and she opens her mouth to say so, but the other girl continues.
She sets a pair of jeans down on Ellie’s bed. When she speaks, Aster avoids Ellie’s eyes.
“I just didn’t realize he was your type.”
Ellie frowns. “My type?”
Aster rolls her eyes. “Don’t play coy with me, heathen. Have you kissed Paul yet, or not?”
Ellie’s brows furrow at the suggestion.
Sure, Paul is kind of cute. In a strange, boyish way. It’s like he’s a lost puppy dog who Ellie’s decided to adopt out of the kindness of her heart because she’d rather not see Paul end up in the pound. Which is why she can’t imagine ever kissing him.
Really, she can’t imagine kissing any him s.
But Ellie thinks she better keep that last bit to herself, so she keeps her answer brief.
“No, I don’t like Paul.”
Aster looks at her pointedly, but this time, Ellie averts her eyes.
When Aster changes the subject, something in her voice gives her away.
She doesn’t believe Ellie.
Ellie frowns because this is the first time Aster has sounded that way.
A few months later, Aster brings it up again.
She’s really not sure why she keeps asking. She’s not sure why it bothers her so much.
But every time Aster spends time with Ellie and Paul, she can’t help but feel like a third wheel. It’s like Paul knows Ellie in ways she doesn’t.
Which is stupid. Aster has known Ellie for years and Paul has only known her for months.
Still, Aster feels like there’s something there that she’s missing.
It’s December when she mentions it.
Earlier that day, Trig from her math class asked Aster to the Winter Formal. She turned him down. It’s not that Trig isn’t attractive. He is. But, for whatever reason, Aster isn’t attracted to him.
Besides, Ellie and Aster made a promise in middle school to go to their first high school dance together, and Aster intends to stick to it.
That night, she wonders if Ellie does too.
“So,” Ellie side-eyes her. They’re studying French on her bed. “Trig asked you to the formal?”
Aster groans. She hates that things get around so fast.
“Yeah, I meant to tell you about it. It was so weird. We hardly know each other. Anyway, I said ‘no’, obviously.”
Aster smiles at her. Ellie doesn’t look up from her notes.
“How come?”
Oh.
Oh.
She doesn’t remember their promise.
Of course Ellie doesn’t remember. Why would she? It was just a silly thing they locked pinkies over, way back when.
Aster holds her breath, racks her brain for an excuse that doesn’t leave her best friend pitying her.
“Oh, I just- I was-”
Ellie looks up.
“Nervous,” Aster blurts out. “I was nervous.”
Except she wasn’t. Trig doesn’t make her nervous. No one does.
Ellie’s eyes are a soft brown and Aster’s breath hitches.
No one except Ellie Chu.
She realizes just how close they are right now and Aster wonders the extent to her nerves. Which is what compels the plan that begins to formulate in her head.
“I was nervous because I don’t know how to, um, kiss. I’ve never kissed anyone, you know?”
Ellie looks perplexed. “Oh. What does that have to do with turning down Trig?”
Aster groans internally. “I mean, if we went to the dance together, we’d probably, uh-”
“Oh.”
“Have you? Kissed anyone, I mean.”
They both know Aster is referring to Paul when she says anyone .
Ellie blinks twice. “Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
Aster’s stomach drops. She knew it. She knew Ellie and Paul were more than friends.
Granted, they’ve never really talked about boys. But it still stings. Mostly because this is the first her best friend is actually admitting it to her. But Aster knows that’s not the only reason it stings.
She almost says this out loud.
Instead, Aster says, “Can you teach me how to kiss?”
Ellie loses her voice.
Fuck. She shouldn’t have said that.
Before Aster can take it back, Ellie shrugs. “Um- I- Yeah. Okay.”
They shove their French homework to the side, abruptly.
They meet each other somewhere in the middle, gently.
When Ellie kisses Aster, she thinks about that Plato quote Aster read to her, once upon a time. Some myth about a missing half.
When Aster kisses Ellie, she thinks about the boy she kissed over the summer. And then the one in her Biology class. She wonders why neither of their lips sent chills down her spine the way Ellie’s do. Why neither of them feel warm and cozy, like Ellie does.
They pull away.
Aster smiles tightly. “Thanks. I think I’ll say yes to Trig, after all.”
Ellie nods. She doesn’t trust herself to speak.
They go back to conjugating verbs, like nothing happened.
Like their heads aren’t still spinning and their hearts aren’t still bursting.
It’s the night of the dance.
Aster dropped by Ellie’s to-
Actually, she’s not so sure why she’s here. Maybe to see if Ellie will change her mind.
She knocks. “Hey heathen-”
Paul answers.
“Oh,” Aster is surprised. “Hi. I didn’t realize you were-”
“Aster,” Ellie speaks from behind him. She’s carrying a tray of cookies. “One sec.”
Paul waves awkwardly in greeting, before retreating to the couch.
“Hey. I didn’t realize you had plans tonight,” Aster tells Ellie when she meets her at the door. “I guess I’ll just see you at school tom-”
Ellie reaches for her wrist. “Wait, don’t leave. I thought you had a dance to get to?”
Aster nods, sheepishly. “I just-”
“You’re nervous?”
She is.
“I am.”
“Should we-” Ellie gestures to the signal box behind her. Their safe haven.
Aster nods. “Yes. Please.”
They haven’t been in here in a while. It’s smaller than Ellie remembers.
Or maybe they’re just older now.
Either way, there’s hardly enough room for both of them.
Aster leans against a wall, and Ellie stands facing her.
Ellie’s eyes are closed. She misses Aster.
“I miss you,” Aster reads her mind.
Ellie’s lips tug. Up, then down. “I miss you.”
“Things have been weird lately, haven’t they?”
She opens her eyes to find that Aster’s are shut now.
“They have. If this is about the other day-”
The kiss.
Neither of them have mentioned it since, but Ellie knows that night was much more loaded than either of them let on. It was for her, at least.
Ellie continues. “I should have never-”
Acted like it was nothing.
Aster’s eyes are open now. They’re wide.
She cuts Ellie off. “- asked you to kiss me.”
Oh.
They’re silent.
And then, “Do you love Paul?”
Aster’s voice is strained.
Ellie is so confused. She doesn’t understand why the other girl keeps bringing him up.
Of course Ellie loves Paul. Just not the way she loves Aster.
She parts her lips to tell Aster this, but closes her mouth when she realizes she shouldn’t.
Ellie’s worried that if she tells Aster she loves her, she might just lose her.
So Ellie simply nods, wordlessly.
As it turns out, Ellie loses her anyway.
The rest of high school mostly sucks.
Ellie and Aster don’t stop speaking all at once.
It’s gradual, like slowly peeling off a band-aid, instead of ripping it off in one go. Ellie thinks she prefers the lattes.
Sophomore year, Aster stops coming over when Paul’s around.
Junior year, Aster stops coming over altogether.
Ellie thinks maybe she should try harder. Try to talk this out again.
But then she sees Aster kissing Trig by her locker and thinks maybe she shouldn’t.
“You love her.” Paul says it out loud before she does.
Ellie doesn’t deny it. She doesn’t confirm either. She can tell he's confused. She is too.
A few days later, he says it again. They’re watching a K-Drama.
This time, his voice is firm. “You love her.”
Ellie shrugs.
“Why don’t you tell her?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“What if she hates me?”
“What if she doesn’t?”
Ellie doesn’t tell Aster.
Not that year or the next.
In fact, Aster and Ellie hardly speak their last year of high school.
Until the one day they do.
It’s May. Almost the end of the school year. This morning, Ellie learned through the rumor mill that Aster and Trig broke up.
She’s just thinking about this, actually, when she bumps into Aster in the hall. Quite literally.
“Hey heathen.”
The old nickname catches her off-guard. “Hi.”
Aster’s eyes dance. She crouches down to help gather Ellie’s books. “These hallways are murder.”
Ellie blinks thrice. She can’t remember the last time she was this close to Aster. “Yeah.”
“Remains Of The Day,” Aster picks up a book. “Loved it. All that barely repressed longing.”
Ellie swallows. “Mmhm.”
They stand. Aster holds out a letter that Ellie dropped. It’s from a college in the city.
She blinks, surprised. “Wait, this is where I’m going next fall. You got in too?”
Ellie hesitates. She got in, but she hasn’t decided whether or not she’s going. Seattle is only a couple hours away, but Ellie can’t imagine leaving her dad all alone here.
“Congrats,” Ellie smiles. She means it. “And yes. I did.”
Aster congratulates her too. She looks like she wants to say more. So much more. But she just hands the letter back and smiles softly.
She walks away, wordlessly.
Ellie’s head follows against her will, and she watches Aster go.
Paul chases after Ellie’s train as she leaves. She knows it’s just a Bollywood trope, their silly inside joke, but Ellie tears up anyway.
He texts her immediately.
Y r you crying, you’ll c me in a week 🥺
Then,
Go get your girl 😜😜😜🙌
Ellie rolls her eyes.
This isn’t about her.
Okayyyy 👅
Ok.
👅👅👅
Ellie laughs to herself.
It takes Aster Flores and Ellie Chu ten years to say it out loud.
It takes a decade of push and pull, waxing and waning.
It takes finding themselves to finally, finally find each other.
Seattle is confident.
It’s churches that hang pride flags and alleyways that ooze with graffiti.
The city is so sure of itself and, for once, Aster is too.
Aster is confident here. She learns to be at ease with herself, in a way that only Ellie ever made her feel.
A few weeks after she moves out, Aster learns that Ellie followed suit. She isn’t surprised, but the news knocks the breath out of her anyway.
They don’t make plans right away. In fact, they don’t make plans at all.
Rather, life makes plans for them.
It’s a Sunday night on the last day of summer when Aster runs into Ellie.
Ellie is wearing black converse, blue jeans, and a white tee. The way she dresses when she’s too busy thinking about tomorrow.
Aster smiles to herself, shrugs the music out of her ears. “Hey stranger.”
She almost regrets saying that, because maybe that’s what they are now. Two people who barely know each other.
“Hi.” Ellie’s smile makes her heart race. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Aster reprimands herself. Of course they still know each other. This is the same Ellie who sings the lyrics to her favorite songs wrong when she thinks her version sounds better.
“Best view of the city up here.”
Ellie agrees. “Best view indeed.”
Aster steps a little closer, stares into Ellie’s eyes. Something in her urges the word vomit that proceeds. “Hey, I don’t know if I ever told you this, but-”
Her voice jumbles up with Ellie’s, who speaks at the same time. “I have something I need you to know-”
They grin. They used to do this all the time, growing up. When they were twelve, Ellie proposed a game of nose-goes, to decide who goes last.
Aster reaches for her nose on instinct. Turns out, Ellie beat her to it. She always did.
“Fine,” Aster rolls her eyes. “I’ll go first. Remember that time in freshman year Art, when we had to make a digital portrait of ourselves using a monochromatic color scheme?”
Ellie looks bewildered. “Um? Yes?”
She continues, sheepishly. “Remember how I used the color brown?”
“Mmhm.”
“I used the eyedropper tool to figure out what color your eyes are and used that hex code for the rest of my project.”
Aster’s cheeks are beet red at this confession.
Ellie is in stitches. “Wait, what ? Why would you do that?”
Aster groans, looks toward the city to avoid her eyes. In the distance, on the other side of the water, skyscrapers glint like bricks of gold. The sky is a kind blue, cheering her on.
She looks at the water, watches the breeze shake the city’s reflection. She waits for the wind to die down before turning to Ellie and responding.
“Because your eyes were my favorite color. Are my favorite color.”
Ellie’s cheeks tint pink. “Oh. Is that so?”
“Mmhm.” It’s Aster’s turn to watch Ellie fumble.
Aster doesn’t anticipate her next words.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
She sighs. “I never meant to hurt you either.”
But they did. Maybe because they didn’t trust each other. Maybe because they didn’t trust themselves.
“Do you remember that day when we were ten?” Ellie asks. “When I told you I went to church because it meant getting to see you?”
Aster smiles. Her heart flutters. “I remember.”
Ellie continues. “I realized something that day.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Aster steps forward. “And what was that?”
“This.”
When Ellie kisses Aster, the sun kisses the city.
For a moment, the world is still.
Their hearts are anything but.
Ellie pulls away first. Aster looks dazed.
And then, a slow grin.
“I love you too, Ellie Chu.”
Ellie smiles. “That rhymes.”
Aster tilts her head back and Ellie watches a laugh spill from her lips. She’s reminded of Plato’s quote again.
How humans spent all their lives in search of their other halves.
Ellie smiles because it only took her ten years.
She smiles because, somewhere along the way, she found the people that matter the most to her.
Somewhere along the way, Ellie Chu found Aster Flores.
And in this moment, it’s as simple as that.