Chapter Text
Dear Ellie,
It’s nice to write to you again, I hope you don’t mind that I do. Writing helps me clear my thoughts, helps me explore things I had never dared to before. I guess I could just have a diary, but it wouldn’t be the same. Talking to you was how I started to allow myself to dream beyond the limits of Squahamish, even if back then, I now realize, you didn’t dare to dream yourself.
We were quite the pair, weren’t we? Me, hiding from myself, grasping at the first chance I got to be more than just a pretty girl, a good girl. You, hiding from the world. Hiding even when you were laying your soul bare to me.
I’m glad that now we are on equal footing. At least when it comes to showing our true self. I mean, I’m still not sure who my true self is. I do know that is not being Trig’s wife. And it’s not just being the proper pastor daughter either. I want more than that, and now I actually feel like I can achieve it.
I think, and forgive me if I’m too blunt although I think we are past that point, that you always knew who you were, you were only afraid of embracing it. In that sense, you are ahead of me. You are also not here, anymore. Already seeing the world. But I hope you haven’t forgotten about me yet, even if College is full of girls prettier and smarter than me.
I’m glad we cleared the air before you left. As hurt as I was at first. Confused. Angry because I felt so dumb. I can’t deny your friendship is one of the best things to happen to me. Paul’s too.
Most of my so-called friends dropped me the minute Trig and I broke up. Not that I’m complaining about it. It’s nice to not have to pretend all the time. Now Paul is no longer harboring a crush on me, he is actually pretty easy to talk to. He mostly talks about taco sausages, but it’s nice.
It feels real for a change.
Tell me about college. About the big bad world out there. About all the friends you’ve made and all the girls you’ve kissed. I’m only starting my application process to art school, but you can start preparing me for when I have to take the train out of here myself.
PS: I’m still figuring it out