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Raindrops unevenly tapped on the window glass. The cold, rainy night seemed to match everyone's feelings recently.
It didn’t pass much time since they must have moved to a new hideout. Even if Shigaraki was the one, who decided that this place would be their new home, he didn’t feel good there at all. He could tell that other members also had mixed feelings, but they didn’t want to worry him, since he seemed very depressed, so they simply agreed.
It was probably because they were somehow attached to their old hideout, at the bar.
Since Kurogiri's arrestment, everything gradually became worse. And Shigaraki couldn't do anything about it. He felt helpless. Hopeless, even. As always, he tried to do his best and control everything. He wanted to be a good leader, but lately, Shigaraki felt like every single thing, he had worked so hard on, was slowly, but miserably falling apart.
Shigaraki was lying on his bed, with a thin blanket covering his body. He was trying to think about what he should do next. But at this point, he felt like there were no good solutions. Shigaraki could feel something like a needle in his chest, which was aching his heart with each subsequent thought and feeling.
Shigaraki really hated thinking about the way he felt - either it was bad or good feelings. For him, it always has been something unnecessary, that could bring more damage than benefits. He rarely felt anything from anger and sometimes frustration. Honestly, sometimes Shigaraki wasn't even sure if he is able to feel something else. He barely cared, because it was much easier that way - to deny and abandon other feelings, if any of those appear by a chance.
That cold night, his feelings overwhelmed him much more than he ever expected. Everything, that he felt throughout his life, everything, that he was cautiously bottling up for years, started to take control of him. It was growing up in him for so long and then, he couldn’t do anything about it.
It was the burdensome type of mixed feelings, that literally hurt him psychically.
Once again, he started to question everything he ever did. In his head started to appear pictures, that he rather would erase from his memory.
He never felt good enough in everything he did. It always was “could be better”, and not “the best”. The results almost every time weren't satisfying. He always tried to do everything he could, and maybe more, and it still wasn’t sufficient.
Shigaraki was one of those people, who would sacrifice themselves with no hesitation if it would be beneficial for their ideas. It wasn't even about that he didn't have much more than them, but he could say, that was the main reason for his living.
He felt much worse, knowing that his dedication and hard work weren't enough to accomplish his plan.
Even when he had people who believed in him, helped and supported him no matter what - he couldn't get rid of that feeling. It was rooted deep down his heart and it haunted him way too often, especially now. He was completely aware of his position and how respected and admired he was by his aides, but on the other hand - he felt weak. How someone, who has appeared to others as a powerful man, the leader of League, can be so fragile? It felt like some kind of illusion, he created by himself.
Shigaraki felt pathetic. The tears, dropping down his cheeks, felt like burning hell - mentally and psychically. He was crying for the first time since he didn't even remember when.
He felt like the pain in his lungs was increasing with every second. He barely could take a breath. He wanted to scream, but only crushed sound let out from his throat.
It was horrible. He wanted to calm himself down, but he couldn't control his movements. He felt like he was falling into the darkness.
The empty glass, which was earlier standing at his bedside cabinet, fell into pieces on the floor after Shigaraki unwittingly poked it, when he wanted to get up from his bed.
How ironic it was, that he could relate to these stupid pieces of glass on the floor.
That was exactly how he felt - broken. Torn into small, barely noticeable parts.
The sound of broken glass was probably the reason, why the door opened quietly, causing a slight ray of a light stream on Shigaraki's figure.
"What the fuck are–" Dabi said with an indifferent, tired voice, but paused right after he saw Shigaraki, "What?"
Shigaraki immediately turned his face away from the door and covered it with his hands. He surely wasn't in the mood for Dabi's stupid games and teasing him. Especially, when he was crying his eyes out and felt absolutely miserable.
"Hey," Dabi's voice was soft, which was far from his usual tone, "is everything okay?"
Shigaraki just mumbled him to fuck off, as always. No matter how hard he tried, his voice was weak. He wasn't able to calm himself down, even knowing that one of his subordinates was there and looked at him. Shigaraki really didn't want anyone to see him like this.
Dabi, as always, ignored his words. But this time, he wasn’t doing it for his amusement and to mess up with him.
He cared .
The edge of the bed, that Shigaraki was lying on, slightly creaked under Dabi's body. They were sitting in silence for a few moments.
"If you want to talk to me about something, I'm here and I'll listen to you, if you need this." he said quietly as if he didn't want to scare him off.
It wasn't one of the things Shigaraki has heard often. It surely wasn't something natural for him, that someone may actually care about him. Since he was a child, he didn't get many comforting words. When he was little, almost everyone expected him not to cry, and simply didn't pay attention if he was sad or felt bad. He only could remember punishments, when his father thought he didn't behave as he was supposed to.
He got used to it. He got used to the fact, that he must be strong and deal with any feelings on his own.
"Why do you even care?" Shigaraki hissed, which caused him even more pain.
Dabi only shrugged and took a short glance at Shigaraki's face. The way he looked at that moment nearly broke his heart. Just from this, he could say, that it was serious. He looked like a misery, to say at least.
Shigaraki was scratching his neck again. Dabi knew, that it would start to bleed more and more with any other movement of Shigaraki’s hand if he kept doing it.
Dabi gently grabbed his wrists, to stop him from hurting himself. Shigaraki remained silent for a few seconds and then burst into tears. He was hysterically crying, what was the reason, that he felt even worse than before. He hated the thought, that he wasn't able to control himself at this time, and someone must have helped him.
Dabi tenderly pulled Shigaraki to himself, letting him lean on his chest. Even if Shigaraki wanted to protest, he was too tired to do it, so he just gave into his touch. Dabi placed one of his hands on his waist, and another on his head, lightly tangling fingers in his hair. He didn't even know if it was somehow comforting for him, but he hoped it would help a little. None of them said a word. There was just a silence, only interrupted by Shigaraki's sobbing and sniffing.
Dabi has never been good at words, and it this situation it was even harder to find appropriate ones. He decided to remain silent, and simply be there for him, until he calms down. Dabi kindly kept stroking his messy hair, holding his trembling body resting on his.
They both didn't know how long it lasted. Maybe it was five minutes, maybe it was a couple of hours. Shigaraki's breath started to calm down. Tears were still streaming down his face, but he finally was able to control himself. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.
"I'm sorry." Shigaraki started weakly. He didn't know what else he should say in that situation.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Dabi said really quietly, brushing his hair for the last time.
Shigaraki just stared at him blankly and nodded. Dabi laid his skinny body on the bed and covered him with a blanket. He wasn't sure if that would be warm enough for him, especially when it was really cold and he knew, that Shigaraki didn't endure low temperatures well.
"I'll bring you another blanket." he mumbled, more to himself than to Shigaraki, and headed out to his room.
Dabi went to his room and grabbed his blanket, which was much fluffier and thicker than Shigaraki's one. He didn't mind giving it to him, especially when he didn't have problems with the cold, but even if he had, he didn't need it that much.
When he got back to the room, he noticed that Shigaraki was laying with his eyes closed, breathing evenly. It looked like he fell asleep. He must've been exhausted from this whole situation. Dabi tucked up him with the thicker blanket, making sure that he would be warm as he slept.
He was sitting next to sleeping Shigaraki for a while, playing with his hair.
He looked so peaceful now. Dabi sighed, relieved that this incident was over. He could only imagine, how awful Shigaraki felt.
Dabi was painfully aware, how it felt not to have anyone to comfort you, when everything seems to fall apart. When you have no one to talk to, in moments when you feel like everything is going not the way it should. He knew all these feelings too well and he just couldn't leave Shigaraki to suffer alone in his room.
Even though it was many times, when he felt like his life fell into pieces, somehow he got used to it and remained resistant and distanced from everything.
Deep down in heart, Dabi was really caring, especially about people he appreciated and supported. Of course, he never was straightforward about it - he wasn't an enthusiast of saying a bunch of words, which wouldn't even depict reality. Nearly everyone could pretend and talk beautifully about whatever they wanted, but what was the point, if their words didn't match the things they have been doing.
He learned how to hide feelings from the world, to avoid the possibility of being hurt. It was much easier to appear as a cheeky bastard, who rarely shows emotions.
He got hurt too many times in his life and didn't wanted to go through hardships, that he could have prevented.
Dabi felt bad for Shigaraki. It was so disturbing, to think that someone could feel that terrible and yet manage to act as everything was fine all the time. He knew, that Shigaraki probably would threaten to kill him, if he was able to read his mind, but he wasn't, so Dabi just continued to reflect on how one of the most powerful villains, who would kill literally anyone standing on his way, was so fragile and vulnerable.
Dabi was still sitting next to sleeping Shigaraki, running his hands through his blue hair. It was somehow calming for him too, but he was doing it as an attempt for Shigaraki to feel safe.
After a few minutes of remaining in silence, Shigaraki had opened his eyes and was staring blankly at the wall. Dabi's touch was so kind and gentle. That was something new for him. Something he didn't even remember to feel before. He fully focused on the way Dabi was caring for him at that moment. It felt so soothing. So affectionate.
"Dabi," Shigaraki whispered, too anxious to look in his eyes, "can you stay with me a little longer?"
In response, Dabi shook his head as a "yes" and leaned down next to him. Shigaraki was half-asleep, and barely had the strength to move, but somehow he managed to snuggle to Dabi's warm body. Dabi was a little shocked and maybe his heart skipped a bit, at the sudden act of his. He wrapped his arm around Shigaraki's slim silhouette and pressed his lips to the top of his head, placing there a little kiss.
They both weren't sure what that meant.
They probably won't even talk about it in the morning and will pretend that nothing happened, but for both of them, it was something pleasant.
Shigaraki wouldn't admit it, but it was the first time when he felt something new, and it wasn't bad at all.