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“I’m making the choice.”
“Give up on your dream and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell.”
“I will take down the Beast Titan.”
Levi’s vow rang in his ears. He meant them, every word, yet he wished he could take them back the moment they left his mouth.
This is what Erwin came to do, the reason why he refused to stay behind. Determined to do whatever it took to uncover the truth. Nothing Levi could say would change his mind.
Erwin was stubborn as hell and more than willing to die, two facts that Levi was painfully aware of.
He knelt before Erwin, his eyes on the ground. His mind was buzzing with a million other things he wanted to say, but his throat felt tight. None of them mattered now anyway. Not anymore.
He lifted his gaze, looking up at Eren, unconscious on top of the wall. Was anyone even alive on the other side? Or was it already too late?
“I can’t believe it’s come to this,” Levi said, not trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “All our planning and it comes down to a fucking suicide mission.”
“A sacrifice,” Erwin corrected. “For a cause we all pledged to give our hearts to. It’s not over yet.”
It is for you, Levi thought, but he didn’t say it.
Instead he scoffed. “Call it whatever you want, it’s still a shitty situation.”
He hated this plan, even though he agreed to it. He’d been more than willing to give his own life, to try and distract the Beast Titan long enough for Erwin and the others to escape on Eren. It was strange, how that idea felt easier for him to swallow than the current plan.
“I’m no exception,” Erwin continued, keeping in line with Levi’s thoughts. “My life is no more important than theirs. I can’t expect them to fight if I won’t do the same. The least I can do now is make our deaths useful.”
That’s bullshit and you know it, Levi thought to himself. Erwin was the brains behind their whole operation. If you lose the head, the body follows. He was placing all this faith in Levi, but it was Erwin’s mind that was the best weapon the Survey Corps had.
He didn’t call Erwin out. Not that it would do any good if he did. Erwin knew he was right. The troops wouldn’t go without him at the lead.
And goddamnit, of all the times for him to be right.
He couldn’t argue, so instead he looked up at Erwin and said, “I knew I should have broken your damn legs when I had the chance.”
Erwin huffed something close to a laugh. At the sound, another hot flash of anger coursed through Levi. His mind spun in circles, desperate for another way out, for another plan, for something that wouldn’t involve them scraping Erwin’s corpse off the battlefield later.
But this was the only way. Erwin would die, and Levi would take on the Beast Titan, and maybe a few of them would be alive by the end of it to see what the hell was in the basement.
A few of them… but not Erwin. He would be in the front, leading the charge. The odds of him living to see it were impossible.
Or…?
Levi brought a hand to his chest, feeling the shape of the wooden box tucked away in his pocket.
“I might be able to bring you back,” Levi said with renewed intensity. “If you can keep your heart beating long enough, I can give you this and we can get you to eat one of those assholes.”
Erwin’s expression didn’t change. “You might, if the opportunity presents itself.” His eyes softened. “But Levi, you can’t make me a priority. Giving the injection to someone and having them eliminate and steal one of the Titan abilities is all that matters. You can’t go out looking for me.”
Levi’s eyes flashed, glaring up at Erwin. “Then maybe you should have given the damn thing to someone else.”
“Levi…”
“I know, Erwin, fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I fucking know, okay?”
Erwin’s mouth lifted in a half smile. “I know you do. I’ve always trusted you, Levi. I hope you know that.”
Levi didn’t answer. He stared at the ground again, his thoughts in a snarl.
“Do you remember the day we met?” Erwin asked suddenly, his tone thoughtful. Levi lifted his gaze. “In the Underground. You were kneeling in the dirt in front of me, just like you are now.”
“What kind of question is that?” Levi said. “Of course I do.”
He’d thought about it the moment he kneeled down. The first time had been because he was handcuffed and forced to his knees. Now he did it as a final show of respect to the man he swore he’d follow anywhere.
Erwin was quiet for a moment. “I should have told you sooner, that I knew what the three of you were there for. I shouldn’t have forced you outside the walls. Maybe Isabel and Farlen—”
“Stop,” Levi snapped. “Are you so dense you’ve forgotten your own speech? You didn’t kill them, Erwin. A titan did.”
“Redirect your anger,” Erwin quoted, remembering. Levi knew every word of it by heart. Erwin had stopped his blade with his bare hand, unflinching. He knew Levi was there to kill him, but he still gave him a chance to join the Survey Corps anyway. That was how strongly Erwin believed in Levi’s ability to help humanity, to find the truth of what was beyond the walls.
That was the moment he decided to follow Erwin. He’d never met anyone who believed in something so strongly that they were willing to die just to give others the chance to see it.
And now he was really going to do it. Give his life, so Levi and the others had a shot at freedom. To let them see the basement, even if it meant he never would.
He knew why Erwin was saying all this now. A dying man voicing his last regrets.
“Levi,” Erwin said, bringing his attention back. He leaned forward and placed his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “I need you to remember that today. You may have agreed to my decision, but you didn’t kill me. The Beast Titan did. Don’t forget that.”
Levi locked his jaw. He hated that Erwin was talking like he was already dead.
He closed his eyes, fighting against the emotion he could feel rising inside him. Erwin’s hand rested heavy on his shoulder, and Levi tried to focus on the weight of it.
They sat in silence. Levi knew they should get moving. The boulders were still coming, and the Beast Titan was getting closer with every throw. Just on the other side of the house, he could hear the screaming and crying of the new recruits. They were running out of time.
But Levi couldn’t bring himself to stand. Because to get up and suggest they get moving would be taking that first step towards Erwin’s death.
He could stay here forever, Levi realized, and it would be easier. They could sit here and talk until they were all dead, and Levi wouldn’t ever have to watch Erwin walk away from him for the final time.
Another volley of boulders crashed into the rooftops. More screams echoed around them. More soldiers dying. They needed to move…
So of course that idiot stood up first. Levi rushed to his feet after him, standing in Erwin’s way and blocking his path. Their eyes met, and Levi held his ground.
There was so much he could say. So much he should say. Maybe he should thank Erwin for pulling him from the Underground, for seeing something in him that no one else did. Or tell him how much of an honor it had been to serve under him for all these years, and how different it would be after he was gone.
But Levi stayed silent. Erwin knew all of that anyway, and saying it outloud wasn’t going to make him change his mind.
Instead, he saluted Erwin, holding his fist over his heart. Erwin's eyes widened a little, his lips shifting into a fond smile.
It hurt to look at, so Levi grit his teeth and pivoted, hands balled into fists at his side, ready to walk away.
“Levi,” Erwin said, and he instantly turned back around to face him. Levi was surprised to see Erwin was right in front of him now, standing so close that he had to crane his neck to look up at him.
Before he could say anything, Erwin bent his head and pressed their lips together.
The insult Levi had been about to say died on his tongue. He grabbed a fistful of Erwin’s shirtfront, but he didn’t push him away. Instead he pulled him closer, returning the steady pressure of his lips, his anger fading.
Too soon, Erwin broke the kiss. Levi didn’t release his grip on his cloak.
“You bastard,” Levi hissed. “You waited until now to make a move on me?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve always wanted to do that,” Erwin said. He brought his hand up to cup Levi’s face, his eyes full of a sadness that hadn’t been there when discussing his own death. “I guess I was afraid it would only make things that much harder, when one of us…”
When one of us died, Levi finished in his head. He was pissed, but he couldn’t really blame Erwin. After all, it was the same reason why he’d never done it himself in all these years.
Levi searched his eyes. “So what changed your mind?”
Erwin smiled a little. “Ah, I suppose it was a little selfish of me. I figured just this once couldn’t hurt.”
Actually, Levi was sure it was going to hurt a whole fucking lot more. Because now he knows , knows what they could have had all these years, and what he’ll never be able to have in the future.
He didn’t say it though. There was no point in it anymore, now that it already happened. Instead he just kept looking up at Erwin, feeling the warmth of his hand on his skin.
Levi didn't realize he was crying until Erwin swiped his thumb against his cheek, wiping the wetness away. His own eyes were wet at the corners, too, Levi noticed.
“Levi—”
“Shut up,” Levi snapped, cutting him off. “Just— shut up and kiss me again.”
Erwin complied, closing the distance again. Levi pushed up on his toes to meet him, crushing their mouths back together.
Erwin’s lips were warm, and just as soft as Levi always imagined they’d be. He could taste the saltiness of their tears between them, but he wasn’t going to let it ruin the moment.
He let one of his hands drift down Erwin's chest, a little to the left. He pressed his hand against the spot there, feeling the strong, steady rhythm beating under his palm. He focused on it, committing it to memory.
The ground shook with the force of another blow. Erwin exhaled against his mouth, and Levi knew it was time for him to go.
Levi knew he’d never be able to say a proper goodbye. There was too much to say, and no time left to say it. So he softened his lips, and let them kiss the shape of the goodbye he’d never be able to voice against Erwin’s mouth.
And then, before he could change his mind, he shoved Erwin off of him. “Now wipe that shit off your face,” he ordered harshly. He reached out to straighten the collar of Erwin’s shirt. “You’ve got one hell of a speech to make if this is going to work.”
Erwin looked surprised for a moment, but then the corner of his mouth pulled up in that stupidly soft smile again. “I suppose I do.”
Levi watched as Erwin wiped his face clean with his sleeve. He adjusted his gear and fixed his cloak, making sure everything was laying just right..
Erwin took a deep breath and stood up straight, his shoulders squared and his head held high.
He took a step. And then another. Levi stood by as Erwin walked past him. Even though he was walking towards his certain death, his stride didn’t falter.
The wind blew, sending his cloak rippling out behind him. The Wings of Freedom crest caught Levi’s eye, reminding him of that first day years ago when he agreed to help Erwin chase his dream.
He made a promise.
For the final time, Levi fell in line behind Erwin.
---------------------------------------------
*one year later*
The waves crashed against the sand with a sound like a roar. The land was so open here, with no walls to trap the echo, but somehow everything sounded even louder.
Levi gazed out at the sea in front of him, his eyes skimming along the horizon. The water reflected the sky so perfectly that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began.
The rest of the soldiers, the few of them that were left, had already eagerly stripped off their boots and raced into the water. Levi couldn’t entirely blame them. Up until five minutes ago, none of them were sure such a thing even existed.
Levi glanced at the others. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were gathered close together, looking at something Armin was holding. Most of the others were just sort of standing there. Connie and Jean appeared to be trying to drown each other, and Levi wasn’t sure if he should bother breaking them up or not.
Hange had gone further into the water, up past her knees. She kept reaching into the water, pulling up god-know-what and holding it close to her face, squinting at it with her one eye.
His eyes drifted even further, to an empty spot a little to the right and out of the way.
It was easy to picture what Erwin would be doing if he were here to see this. He’d sit on his horse and let the others go first, repressing his obvious excitement in some ridiculous attempt to maintain his dignity.
Finally, he’d dismount his horse and start trying to undo parts of his uniform. Levi would go help him, making a comment about how the water would likely dry up before Erwin even got the chance to touch it if he let him do it himself.
Erwin would laugh while Levi knelt to help him out of his boots. He’d roll up the sleeve of Erwin’s shirt and pull his pants up above his knees.
And then Erwin would walk into the sea he always believed was real. He’d stare out over the horizon for a long moment before looking over his shoulder with that infuriating smile, the wind blowing his hair into a damn mess that he would fuss over later.
“Aren’t you going to join me, Levi?” he’d ask, already knowing the answer.
Levi would grumble, but he’d agree. He’d strip off his own boots and join Erwin, standing at his side like always. They’d discuss the future, and what next plans were, because Erwin was always thinking ahead. Levi would try and bully him into taking a goddamn break for once—
“Levi!”
He blinked, the illusion shattering. The shore was empty again.
He turned his head in the direction of the voice, and saw Hange, running up the sand towards him. Her pants were soaking wet, her bare feet caked in dirt and sand.
“You’re not really going to stay up here the whole time, are you?” she asked, out of breath. “Aren’t you going to get in the water?”
Levi opened his mouth, about to decline. He wasn’t in the mood, and after seeing the state of Hange’s dirty feet, the idea was even less appealing.
But Erwin would want him to, Levi knew. He gave his life for all of them to see this, and Levi knew he’d go if Erwin were here to goad him into it. He owed it to him.
“Yeah, sure,” Levi said begrudgingly. He dismounted his horse and started pulling off his own boots. “But if one of those brats gets me wet I’m going to drown them.”
Hange laughed. “I don’t think you need to worry.” She cocked her head playfully to the side. “Does that go for me, to? Not that I was planning to dunk you underwater or anything—”
“Try it and you’ll be no-eyes instead of four-eyes,” Levi retorted.
“Ha! I guess I’ll have to pass. I’m already down to three.”
Levi snorted, and followed her down to the water. The foamy water rushed up around his ankles, and he was surprised by how cold it was. The ground was soft and mushy under his feet, and he wrinkled his nose at the feeling.
Hange stood next to him, the two of them looking over the landscape. He wondered if she was thinking about the same thing as him. About how they were the only veterans left.
The sound of the waves crashing into the land filled the silence.
“Do you think they know?” Hange asked suddenly, her voice soft. “The others? Do you think they can see this, wherever they are?”
Dozens of faces flashed before his mind. Isabel and Farlen. His squad. Those new recruits whose names he didn’t know. Mike. Erwin.
All at once, he was reminded of something Erwin had said to him on that last day.
“Do you see them? Our fallen comrades? They want to know what became of the hearts they gave.”
Levi swallowed and opened his mouth to answer, but a sudden squawk of birds and the sound of wings cut him off. He looked up just in time to see a flock of white birds come soaring over the hill, flying directly over their heads. They filled the sky, headed for the horizon, to whatever existed on the other side.
There must be a hundred of them. Levi looked at them, his eyes landing on the bird that was slightly ahead of the others. The one leading the charge,bravely taking his troops into battle. Flying free.
“Yeah,” Levi said, his eyes still trained on the birds. “I think they do."