Work Text:
"Joon?"
He was staring at his reflection in the mirror for god-knows how long. More often than not, when it happens for longer than it should the image that stares back turns into something distorted, unattractive and horribly asymmetrical. But it was not his face that made him stop dead in his tracks, at least not today. Namjoon was aware that sooner or later he would have to face this side of his genes but he was sure it would be later. After having witnessed his parents and other relatives go through that, he thought he was ready for when it would happen to him. Turns out he wasn't.
Namjoon tried to pay as little attention to his hair as possible. Besides washing it and combing a bit of styling foam into it for a bigger event, he let it be and tried not to be convinced by the tempting voice in his head to card through the strands to inspect them. However, today was not his day nor his week and he was doing everything in a sluggish, unmotivated way which caused him to linger in the bathroom more than he usually did.
"Babe, you okay in there?" his boyfriend called out to him. Kim could hear a tinge of worry in his voice when it reached his ears.
"Yeah! I'm fine!" he answered back, trying to be loud enough so that the other could hear him.
"Okay. Do you want me to make you coffee or is it a cocoa-type of day?"
Namjoon stared back at his hair in the mirror. The dreaded realisation stopping him from taking a full breath in.
"Cocoa, Hobi. Definitely a cocoa type of day!" he said before he leaned against the counter and tried to catch some breaths while staring into their white sink. No reflection. It was safe and didn't trigger a fight or flight response.
"Gotcha!" Hoseok's voice had that pleasant cheerfulness in it again. It made him smile slightly.
He took a shaky breath in and out before looking back up and, with a trembling hand, carded through his hair slowly, yet again. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The reality seemed to be a nightmarish fever dream. There it was. A patch of silverish, greyish hair on the side of his head. Another one at the back of his crown. And a trail on the side near the back of his head. He couldn't have seen it normally, the ends were still black, only the root and middle of the hair were not...
When did his eyes water? When did that lump find a cosy place in his throat? Namjoon had no idea when his lips began to tremble just like his hands did. He gripped the sink trying not to have a mental breakdown right there and then. It was not the time nor the place for it.
Twenty-seven years old. Two years past his university. Double major. Now working for a renowned company and providing his work as one of their most priced literary translators. Slaving away hours and hours, both at home and at the office, surrounded by papers of novels and dictionaries to give people the best words possible. Did his genes really have to work that fast? He was warned to take it easy since his immune system was not the best but how could he take it easy when his dreams where calling out to him?
When your shooting star passes by, and you might not see it again, you throw yourself into the chase to catch it. And Namjoon did just that.
Maybe he threw his whole body and tackled it to the ground while scratching his knees and elbows but he caught it.
Twenty-seven years old. And his hair was already going grey. The realisation was so overwhelming that he didn't notice he was barely breathing until there was a knock on the bathroom door and he gasped with an awfully wet sound escaping his mouth.
"Namjoon? Do you need help?" Hoseok's voice sounded from behind the white bathroom door.
Namjoon didn't dare make a sound. He didn't know what to do. If he spoke, he would lose it halfway through his sentence. If he didn't say anything, he would cause his boyfriend to worry. He didn't like either of the options. A preferable option would be to astral project, spontaneously teleport in the middle of the ocean or have the ground swallow him whole. Neither was available at the moment.
"Joonie, baby, I am going to open the door now, okay?"
Did he grab a back-up key? They haven't had the reason to use that key ever since Hobi's meltdown that happened two years before and just kept it in the kitchen bowl with their trash-can, mailbox, garage and car keys. Was this really that bad? Namjoon inhaled sharply before backing up against the wall and sliding down with a towel tightly secured on his head.
After that, there was a sound of the key being inserted and turned. The door handle was lightly pressed and the door clicked when it was pushed open. There was silence before Hoseok closed the door behind himself.
"Namjoonie? Baby bear? Am I allowed to touch you?" a familiar, warm voice asked as softly as it could.
Namjoon chocked on a sob, his boyfriend was so worried yet still considerate, and then nodded frantically with the towel still on top of his head. At least his tears were contained by the frotte fabric. Quickly, he felt the other man sit down next to him and pull him into his lap, without taking the material off of his head, securing his arms around him. It was grounding.
"Did something happen, baby?" Hoseok cooed while rubbing calming circles on his shoulder blade and above his hip. Namjoon first nodded and then shook his head.
"I am not going to judge you, Joon. You know me. You've also seen me climbing a tree tipsy and then bawling my eyes out because I couldn't get down without you borrowing a ladder from Yoongi and Seokjin-" he chuckled lightly at the end.
"M-my hair…" he stuttered out. His voice was hoarse.
"What about your hair, boo?" He loved how affectionate the other could be. That and the calming touch and arms around him made him take deeper, less frantic breaths.
"I am-It's… My hair it- I have grey hair" he finished with a shudder. He could not believe he said it out loud.
"Grey hair? Are you sure it's-?"
"That's why I never took much care of it. It's in my genes. My parents and other… immediate relatives. I saw them go grey prematurely. Not my parents but I've seen photos… Heard stories. It's also because of my immune system-And stress. That too. Erm-" He started to rumble.
"Shh, Joon, it's all good. Let's take some deep breaths together, yeah? Breathe with me. We will breathe in until five. Then keep it in for five seconds and then let it out as long as six of seven. Okay? Ready? One… Two… Three… Four… Five, hold it in. Yes. Good…. And now out… Four, five, six…"
They sat there breathing like that until Hoseok felt like Namjoon calmed back down. They went through that routine about six times in order for Namjoon to relax in his hold and do a motion that seemed to be nuzzling his cheek into his shoulder through the towel.
"Can I- Can I take the towel off and see?" Hoseok asked quietly. After a long minute, Kim sighed and gave a curt nod.
Hobi slowly took the towel into his right hand and lifted it before throwing it onto the edge of the bathtub.
Then he gently pushed at his chest and Joon lowered his head for him to see. He did have three quite big patches of grey hair. Visible when one actually looked and carded through the long hair.
"Oh." That was all he said. Which made Namjoon tense up minute by minute before Hoseok reminded him to keep on breathing.
"Everyone has a different body, baby. Your just happens to be… more fragile and susceptible to change in your lifestyle. There's nothing bad or ugly about it. It makes you even more special. And if that…If that matters then I love you. Grey hair or not. Temperature-sensitive or not. Diet restricted or not. I love you and your body with all its flaws and charms, baby. Shh, let me finish. I know you see yourself as weak. Because of all the things it stops you from. I think you and your body are very strong. You're strong for not giving up on living the way you want to and finding the way to do it without your mental health being crushed to pieces. And your body is very strong. It holds You inside. It fights to keep you alive and going. I love it because I get to have you in my life. I get to have you taking me places. I don't think I would have ever gone to an aquarium before if not for your fascination and obsession with sealife. And your hair… Joonie bear. I can't speak for the whole world, but to my eyes you're beautiful. It might not matter to you, because your opinion is the most important but… I really do think that. Awh, baby" Hoseok cooed at the end when he heard Namjoon let out a sob into his shoulder.
"I am so tired-Of my body."
"I know, baby. I know"
"I had hoped-I hoped that I cheated the system. That I wouldn't go through this. I was in denial and decided to ignore that part of me thinking that I would at least have that-But I guess I can't-"
"What can I do for you? To help you feel better about this?" Hoseok asked while rubbing his nose on the column of Joon's neck.
"…Cocoa?"
"Ah yes, already made that. Anything else?" he chuckled.
"Can we-" Namjoon hesitated before speaking up.
"Yeah, boo?"
"Can we cuddle? While I drink it? Somewhere where I can't-can't see myself?" his voice sounded quiet and weak.
"Of course we can. Come on, let's get us a blanket or two, too. I don't want you to get cold" Hobi shot him a beaming smile before kissing his temple. "Want me to carry you to the living room?"
"…Won't that be a bother-"
"Nonsense!" Hobi said before taking hold of his thighs and standing up. Namjoon squeaked, wrapping his limbs around his neck and waist. "See? Light as a feather!" he said, pretending he could easily handle Joon's weight but the other could hear his laboured breaths and noticed the grunt Hoseok let out when settling him down on their couch.
"Now. Blankets. Cocoa-"
After being held close and actually talking about his hair with a fresher and calmer mind… He wasn't as terrified of the fact that his hair was losing melanin.
It took him a week to consider the idea Hoseok threw at him during that talk. But finally, he paid a visit to a hair salon.
"So, you're here for a dye, cut and moisturising treatment. What colour were you thinking?" the ever-so-polite hairdresser asked him. She had neon green hair and was sassily holding a comb while talking to him.
"…Silver. Like here" he parted his hair to show the patch. The hairdresser barely blinked before inspecting it and nodding along.
"Great choice, it's become very fashionable lately, it will go very well with your skin colour-" Namjoon gave the woman a nervous smile and let her do her job while she talked about things.
After the appointment, he came home wearing a hoodie and sat in it until his boyfriend came home.
"Babe! How was your day? Did you go through with-?" Hoseok's eyes widened when he saw him hiding his hair under a black hoodie. "Oh my god! You did! Can I see???" his boyfriend was practically vibrating waiting for the reveal.
Namjoon nodded before pulling off the hood for him to see.
"Joon…" he slowly reached out his hand to card through the freshly dyed and styled locks. "You look so fucking handsome like this" Hoseok smiled so hard his dimples came out.
"Yeah? I… She suggested to add a bit of purple and I wasn't sure-" he blushed at the amount of attention he was receiving.
"It looks amazing, god it's so soft-" Hobi whined. "I'm sorry, it's so hard to stop touching-" he began to withdraw his hand.
"Don't stop then?" Joon said softly. His own dimples shyly showing up when his lip corners turned up and up and up as he saw his boyfriend's genuine reaction to his new hair.
When later they were laying in bed, Hobi decided that that night He was going to be the one to play with Joon's hair until he falls asleep. It made Namjoon laugh but it made him feel warm to see his boyfriend wanting to show him how much he likes his new hair.
"I love you" he mumbled into Hoseok's shoulder when nuzzling it with his cheek.
The other, almost half asleep himself, grumbled something similar in response and left a short kiss on his forehead.
-End-