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There’s an ancient myth in Asian culture that every person on earth has an invisible red thread tied around their pinky finger. It is said that the gods themselves bless every single newborn with said thread when they come into the world and seal their fate with it. The red thread will stay with the person forever and decide their future and guide their soul so it would never be lost.
The other end of the red thread is not loose; it is wound around another person’s finger, ultimately connecting them to their soulmate. Like the thread guiding everyone through life, this connection, too, would stay with them from the beginning to the end of their lives.
The thread can contract or get tangled, but it can never be broken or severed by any means. Even if the two destined lovers were miles or even worlds apart, the thread stretches so that their hearts are always connected.
But what the red thread can’t do is determine how long it will take the two destined lovers to meet. Sometimes, they meet as children. Other times, they’re already adults. And in some cases, it can take them almost all of their lives. But without a doubt they will come together and fulfill their life long promise to each other.
Somehow, Dom got the feeling that he must have been one of those rare cases or, worse, the exception and first and only person to ever have severed their red thread.
It was almost two in the morning and all he could do was to lie on the hardwood floor of his living room and muse about the meaning of life and his place in it. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself. The deep, life altering thinking that had been reserved for Matt for so long was doing his head in. Maybe he had spent too much time with the singer in the past - or maybe it was the exact opposite since they weren’t really spending so much time together anymore.
The night had started with him settling in on the couch for a film marathon on his own with a couple of beers and popcorn, but had soon evolved into him putting on some music and be alone with his thoughts.
Now, hours later, his house was eerily quiet and he stared up at his raised left hand, trying hard to find any signs of his red thread of fate tied around his pinky finger.
He felt incredibly lonely at the moment.
It wasn’t that he was unhappy with his life - he enjoyed travelling the world and making music with his best friends, and he definitely loved the (almost) carefree life they were leading. But lately, he’d caught himself thinking more and more about the future and about his place in the world. He wanted to share all of what he was doing with a significant other, come home to someone waiting for him after touring, visit places together, make memories...
Maybe it had to do with his birthday approaching and him getting another year older, he thought, but his old life of partying all night and hopping from bed to bed didn’t seem so appealing anymore. He longed to find The One and settle down. He wanted to have what his friends already had.
He would never say it out aloud, but looking at Chris and Kelly and their happy family hurt. They were as close to perfection as one could be, and he was sure that these two had found their soulmate in each other.
Seeing Tom interact with Jaclyn or his little one, too, made him ache. Tom was a wonderful husband and father, and more often than not Dom wished he could be him just for one day to experience what it felt like.
And then there was Matt. For a long time the two of them had been inseparable, and if someone had asked him years ago who he thought his soulmate would be, he would have named his best friend without a single doubt. Now, however, things were different and Matt had gone and settled down, had become a father and their relationship had shifted. There was no one to blame, really, it was only natural, but Dom could not deny that it still hurt to have lost his other half in such a way.
Matt’s relationship with Kate had ended only recently, and even though he’d seen the toll it had taken on the singer, Dom had felt a selfish surge of relief at the news. To this day, he still felt ashamed of even thinking like that. He’t put his lifeblood into nursing Matt back into a healthy state of mind as a result, and he’d been left behind again. Then again, his spot in Matt’s heart had been taken away long ago, and Dom couldn’t even be angry about it; Bing was a wonderful boy and even as “just” the uncle, he would lay down everything for him if he needed to.
Still, he felt put behind in a way, and that made everything just worse.
Hating himself for his dark thoughts tonight, he rubbed at his eyes harshly and sat up. He got into these moods so rarely that he never really knew how to deal with them. It probably didn’t help either that he was currently in London; the typical UK weather of cold and rain should not have surprised him. Nothing was as definite as awful British weather at any given day in November. Or most of the time, really. Maybe he should go back to LA for a couple of days and charge his inner batteries before he visited his mum in Teignmouth.
He got up and stretched his body to get rid of the small aches from lying on the hard floor for so long. Looking at the couch table littered with a few bottles of beer and an almost empty bowl of popcorn, he reckoned he should clean up before bed.
Padding into the kitchen to dispose of the rest of the popcorn, he checked his phone that was currently charging on the counter and was a bit disappointed to see no new messages waiting for him. Without dwelling on it too much, he took it off the charger and shut it down before he focused back on the bin to throw away the popcorn.
He’d just put down the now empty bowl to put it into the dishwasher when he heard a faint knock on the door. Confused, he checked the clock on the wall and raised an eyebrow. Half past two wasn’t exactly the time for random visits from people, and there was only one person who’d knock at his door at the ungodliest times to either a chat about music or to pour out his heart. Said person was currently in LA, however, which explained Dom’s utter confusion.
But when he checked his nightly visitor through the spyhole of his door, it was indeed Matt standing outside without an umbrella or anything to protect him from the pouring rain.
“Do you know what time it is?” Dom hissed while he unlocked the door. It had become kind of their default greeting whenever Matt showed up in the middle of the night. “And I’m not going to ask you if you understand the concept of umbrellas.”
Matt grinned and pushed inside as soon as the way was open, shaking his head like a dog to get the water out of his hair. Making Dom wet in the process was a bonus.
“Was just in the neighbourhood, really.”
“LA isn’t exactly neighbourhood.”
The singer simply shrugged and Dom rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. Truth be told, part of him was delighted to see his friend after so long. The other part instead dreaded having him around after how the previous part of the night had gone.
He offered Matt the living room with a gesture of his hand and proceeded to his bedroom to collect dry clothes for the other man to wear. On his way back he also grabbed a towel, which he threw at the brunet’s head as soon as it came into sight.
“Had a party on your own?” Matt asked while he rubbed his hair with the towel.
Dom hummed his confirmation and picked up Matt’s wet coat from the floor. “Just watched a few films, really. Had to make do, with you people being busy and being a continent away.”
He realised the tone of his voice had sounded more accusing than playful, but Matt just smiled it off and instead took the clothes out of Dom’s hands.
“Good thing I’m here now, then.” He winked. “I’ll just get dressed and then we can have a proper party.”
“How about you take a shower first?” Dom countered. “Don’t want you to die of hypothermia before you even started that party.”
“Fine. But you get the beers ready, hypothermia isn’t as bad as dehydration.”
Half an hour later Matt finally re-emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in Dom’s favourite black zip up hoodie and white jogging pants. Dom was sat on his sofa, empty beer bottles replaced by full ones, and watched a silly game show he’d found on the telly while waiting for his best friend.
“The answer is b,” Matt said while he slid down the backrest to sit down on the sofa.
Dom didn’t reply and simply handed him one of the beers before taking a bottle for himself. They clinked and took their sips.
“Oh, I brought you a present, by the way!” Matt suddenly exclaimed and looked around. “Where did you put my coat?”
“Where it belongs,” Dom answered, but already got up to retrieve it for his friend before he sat down next to him again.
“You’ll love it, trust me.” Rummaging through the pockets as if they were at least 5 times their actual size, his face lit up as soon as his fingers closed around what he’d been looking for. “But you’ll have to close your eyes.”
Dom wasn’t too keen on closing his eyes when he was in a room with Matt, but decided there was no point in arguing about that matter. He complied.
“I swear to you, if this is another one of your stupid pranks-”
“When did I ever prank you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” the blond sighed in exasperation. “How about that time you put stubs in my mouth when I was asleep on the plane, or that one time you hid one of Bing’s nappies in my fridge and tried to tell me it was a cake? Or that time when you-”
It was now Matt’s time to roll his eyes, even though Dom couldn’t see it. “Okay, okay. I get it. But no, no prank tonight. Hold up your hands.”
Dom followed the instruction and soon enough there was something small and soft put into his hands.
“Open your eyes.”
Dom did so and looked down at the item that he had received. He cocked his head in confusion.
“You bought me socks?!”
“Yes!” Matt exclaimed excitedly. “Saw them at the airport and immediately thought of you. There are cartoon leopards on them, look!”
He proceeded to point out the small cartoon head on the side of the black socks, way too proud of his silly purchase.
“Socks are usually your go-to present.”
“But those have leopards, Dom. That’s your area of expertise. And they’re super soft, just try them on.”
Dom chuckled in reply and was just about to point out that they weren’t leopards but normal boring cats when he suddenly remembered his earlier train of thought. It had been so long since Matt had thought about him enough to buy him something. The corners of his mouth turned down ever so slightly for just a fraction of a second before it was gone again.
“Thank you,” he whispered and lowered his head, following Matt’s advice of trying them on. “They feel nice. Thank you so much.”
“What’s bothering you?”
The question didn’t really come as a surprise; Matt was a perceptive little fucker, and of course he would be able to read Dom like an open book if given just the nanosecond of a chance. It was both a blessing and a curse.
“So, what brings you to London?” he deflected to change the topic, taking a hasty sip of his beer. “Thought you’d be in LA until-”
“Dom.”
“Matt.”
The singer sighed. “Stop trying to copy me, it’s usually me who’s deflecting questions.”
“‘tis nothing, really.” The blond fumbled with the label of the bottle. “Just feeling a bit down for the last week or so. It’s fine.”
“Then you can tell me.”
“Not enough alcohol in my or your system for any heartfelt conversation, don’t you think?”
Matt hummed at that before he moved around to sit cross legged on the sofa and turned off the TV. Then, he took the bottle to his lips and chugged half of it down in one go, only stopping once not a single drop was left to drink.
“First step done,” he proclaimed simply. “Now we can talk.”
“Fuck off,” Dom murmured, although he didn’t really mean it.
Sometimes he hated how Matt would decide when something happened and when they’d just ignore it. The man was often times unable to take no for an answer when it came to Dom. Sometimes that was a good thing, but often times it was just plainly annoying. And yet, whenever those piercing blue eyes pinned him down and appeared to look into Dom’s very soul, he was unable to stand his ground and deny Matt’s wishes.
“If you laugh I’m going to punch you in the face,” Dom finally said before he turned to his side and mirrored Matt’s cross legged position on the sofa. “I mean it.”
“I’ll try to behave,” the brunet confirmed and took the bottle to his lips again, growling when he remembered that he’d just emptied it.
“I just…” Not knowing how exactly to word it without sounding ridiculous or stupid, Dom sighed and continued, “I feel lonely, okay?”
“Lonely? How so?”
“You know this feeling when you’re surrounded by people, but you still feel like the only person there?” It was a rhetorical question, they both knew the answer. “That’s me right now.”
He grabbed his beer and took a long gulp, looking away from Matt.
“When we visited Tom the other day, you remember meeting his friend Anthony and his girlfriend, Alisha, right?”
“Yeah, the weird hippy couple.”
Dom rolled his eyes.
“They were esoteric, Matt. Anyway, I had a chat with her in the kitchen and at some point she started talking about soulmates and life’s purpose and all that, and I just… I dunno, I think it got to me.”
“It got you thinking.”
“Yes.” Dom nodded. “It’s not like I haven’t had these thoughts for a while now, but somehow hearing it from her struck a cord. I went to a bar the same night to pick up a bird for some quick fun, but this shit kept messing with my head, so much that I just ended up going home after half an hour. And since then I haven’t been able to turn off that little voice inside my head that keeps telling me I’m missing out on something.”
“Missing out? On what?”
“I don’t know. On a partner, on something that I can truly call home. On something that gives it more meaning.”
Humming, Matt put down the bottle on the table and crossed his arms. Dom simply watched him and awaited some stupid comment or for him to brush it all off as midlife crisis or something similar. But Matt remained quiet and deeply in thought.
“Aren’t you going to make fun of me now?” Dom asked when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“I promised I wouldn’t, didn’t I?” Matt countered and locked eyes with the blond. “And it’s not like this is anything to make fun of.”
“I don’t know, it’s usually hard to talk to you about these kind of things when you’re not the one involved.”
The hurt on Matt’s face was hard to miss and Dom looked away guiltily. He knew he was being unfair, because Matt could indeed be a good listener. It wasn’t his fault that Dom usually tried to keep this stuff to himself, both to protect himself from appearing weak and to keep Matt from shouldering his problems as well - the singer had enough to deal with as it was.
“I’m sorry,” Matt said quietly. “I didn’t know I was such a bad friend.”
“You’re not. I’m just being an idiot and didn’t mean it like that.” Dom closed his eyes for a moment. “There’s so much shit in my head that I don’t know what I’m saying.”
He took a long drink from his beer and looked down at the label that he’d almost completely scraped off while talking.
“I know that I shouldn’t really complain,” he said. “We’ve got the band and it’s going fantastically. And I’ve got you and Chris and Tom and Andy and my mum and… I know it’s not as dire as I currently feel. You and Chris had so much more serious stuff to deal with in the past, and here I am, complaining about not having a girlfriend…” He chuckled. “Or boyfriend.”
“C’mere,” Matt said and pulled Dom down into his arms to hug him to his chest tightly.
“I just feel like a selfish dick for getting so hung up about something as insignificant as this.”
The arms around him squeezed tighter.
“Don’t be daft,” Matt whispered. “It’s not insignificant when it makes you feel like drowning in your life.”
They fell silent after that. Dom revelled in the comfort Matt’s hug was giving him. Usually, it was him holding Matt like this when he needed the support. It was nice to be on the receiving end for once, he had to admit. But for some reason, the silence they shared felt unusual. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but something felt off. Like there was something lingering in the air. Faint and almost non-existent, but still there.
“I think…” Matt started after a while and looked around the room as if it was holding the words he was preparing to say. “I think you’re approaching this the wrong way.”
Dom didn’t bother to raise his head from the other man’s chest. “What do you mean?”
“You’re so focused on missing out on The One that you don’t see what’s going around you, know what I mean?”
“Not really.”
Matt repositioned them on the sofa so that his legs were stretched out and propped on top of the table while Dom was now almost completely in his lap.
“Like, I won’t deny that having a partner is wonderful, but that’s not all life is about, is it?” he started and gesticulated wildly with his now free hands. “Life is a journey, Dom. And it’s like, a road full of obstacles and lessons, hardships and celebrations. It can’t always be smooth. You come to junctions and have to choose one path or another and sometimes we take the wrong one, but ultimately it helps us continuing our way.”
He waited a moment to let the words sink in.
“And you meet people along your way, too. Not just partners, but friends as well. And those help you and support you. And they might come and go, but the memories stay with you forever and shape you into who you are. It’s never only one person who defines your life, it’s everything together. And you have a fantastic life, all things considered. It’s not perfect, but whose life really is? The point is, the rest will come, the road is long, and you will find what you’re looking for when it’s time.”
Considering the brunet’s words, it took Dom a bit to reply. It felt like Matt was speaking out of experience and the heaviness of his little speech suddenly hit him like a train. It seemed like he wasn’t the only one who’d done some soul searching in the past.
“That’s some deep shit, Matt,” he finally replied and added a hint of cheek to lighten the mood. “But… It makes sense. I haven’t looked at it that way.”
“That’s right, you haven’t,” Matt confirmed and played with a strand of Dom’s hair. “And that’s why you got me.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure about that. You’re usually more work than help. Herding cats is easier.”
Matt’s reply to that was a smack to Dom’s head, who moaned pitifully to play along. Matt was right, though, he had to admit this time. And he felt better, too. Maybe there wasn’t only one truth out there, after all.
“When did you ever become so wise, Bells?” he asked, half mocking, half serious.
They both laughed softly at that.
“To be honest,” Matt started when his laugh quieted down and then waited a beat, considering his reply. “Probably around the same time I realised that I’m in love with you.”
Everything went quiet after that, like the moment between thunder and lightning. Dom sat up abruptly, staring at his best friend’s face for any sign of a joke or malice, but Matt’s eyes bored into his with utmost seriousness, his mouth a straight line.
And suddenly he realised how he was sitting on top of Matt, how the other man had his arms around his waist and how he looked up into Dom’s eyes with so much emotion that it made Dom feel dizzy. He wanted to pull away, but found himself unable to.
“I’ve known for a while,” Matt continued when Dom remained quiet. “I just didn’t know how to say it.”
“So you’re saying it now?” Dom countered, slightly angry. “Is that a pity confession?”
Hands raised to cup Dom’s cheeks, Matt bent slightly forward so their noses touched. Deep blue eyes stared into the confused grey ones in front of him.
“You’re an idiot,” he said and smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling in mirth. “But you’re definitely my idiot.”
And then Dom’s world came to a halt.
Feeling the soft lips of his best friend on his should have felt weird and repulsive. It should have been weird to even think about the softness of said lips or how they’re still turned up in a smile. He should have pushed him away, apologised and asked him to leave his house.
Instead, he surrendered himself to Matt and listened to his heart.
Bracing himself on the backrest of the sofa to have better leverage, Dom kissed him back with such fervor that one could think he was about to die if he couldn’t connect to the other man.
And in a way, it was true. The sudden realisation that the jealousy he’d felt whenever Matt was occupied with someone else or the anger when Matt had disappointed his expectations wasn’t due to him feeling rejected as a friend but on a much deeper level made his body buzz and thrum with want.
Matt kissed him gently and carefully. Too carefully. He needed more than just a soft brush of lips. He was desperate for more.
He knotted his fists in Matt’s hoodie and pulled him harder against his body. The brunet groaned low in his throat in reply, his hand leaving Dom’s cheeks to instead squeeze his waist.
Pressing harder against Matt’s lips to have him open up, Dom couldn’t suppress the moan that was swallowed by Matt when he deemed Dom entry. Every single vein in his body throbbed with an inexplicable need he’d never felt before, his heart so close to bursting. It seemed like Matt felt the same way, or at least close to it by the way his eyes were lidded and his fingers dug into Dom’s sides. It made the drummer smile.
Lips now brushing against each other lightly, they stared at each other in awe, hunger and longing mixing into one single surge of love, and suddenly, Dom realised that Matt was everything he thought he’d been missing out on.
“You taste like sugar,” Dom murmured when he’d managed to extract himself from the singer’s mouth for a second. “You just chugged a whole beer and yet, you taste like fucking sugar.”
“I had a cupcake on the way here.”
He grinned one of his trademark shit eating grins and Dom couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was weird and ridiculous, but so Matt that something inside his chest fluttered with butterfly-like wings.
“We need to talk about this, you know.”
“We will,” Matt confirmed, his eyes focused on Dom’s mouth. “But not tonight.”
Dom nodded and dived back in, crashing their mouths together desperately.
Later on, they would find themselves tumbling into bed together, kissing and touching all over, skin pressed on skin as they made love in a way that Dom didn’t think possible.
And, in the morning, he would wake up and look at his still asleep boyfriend, and for one moment he would swear that a red thread tied their hands together on Matt’s chest.