Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Nandor doesn't know when his and Guillermo's relationship stopped being something one would describe as strictly professional, and it bothers him to no end.

He is, of course aware of the very thin line between what is appropriate for a vampire and his familiar and what is appropriate among friends. They had been treading this line very carefully over the years (though, admitedly, less carefully recently). But now, even this line got split in two, and Nandor has found himself treading on a completely new territory: a line between professional friendship, as he called it, and something ... not yet defined. It's the way Guillermo smiles up at him just a tad too adoringly sometimes, and (not that the Nandor the Relentless has it in him to admit it) Nandor finds himself seeking out Guillermo's company more often than not these days. He's also begun to rather enjoy the more sensual aspects of Guillermo's humanity (not that he has it in him to admit that, either): the flush of his cheeks, the warmth of his body that feels like comfort whenever Gullermo accidentally brushes against Nandor, the steady heartbeat inside his chest and the slight moments of unsteadiness of it that remind Nandor of the complexity that is humanity.

It's downright delicious, that heartbeat. How it speeds up, how it skips a beat every once in a while, even though it has been adding a bitter aftertaste to the fondness for the past couple of years. He'd been so certain for so long that Guillermo was simply fearful of his presence, nervous and petrified for his life. Now, though, just the thought of it makes him smile. He's figured it out, completely by himself and with no other clues whatsoever, that the racing heart that sometimes stumbles over doing its own job doesn't do that out of fear. It has occurred to him that while his presence and proximity did affect Guillermo's emotions, it has nothing to do with dread.

No, Guillermo has grown just as fond of Nandor as Nandor has grown fond of him. Those lovely, unsteady beats of his heartbeat were just another sign of how humans presented their emotions in the most obvious ways. Nandor's cold hand touches Guillermo, Guillermo responds with exactly one skipped heartbeat; of desire, not terror. He is not afraid of him. He hasn't been afraid of him in a very long time.

Which is a thought that, very ironically, terrifies Nandor instead.

"I am not opposed to what Nadja and Laszlo have," he once told the documentary filming crew on the topic of mates, "but I really never wanted it for myself. I had 37 wives when I was alive, so I'm not exactly the type to settle down with one person. That is why I am perfectly fine on my own."

He stood by it at the time, and he still claims he does. However, ever since he figured out the completely obvious affection his familiar seemed to feel for him, his opinion on mates has swayed ever so slightly. In fact, the idea of a mate had started to become somewhat intriguing, if not even desirable. He finds himself thinking it over more and more, especially whenever his loyal familiar is directly at his side, seemingly unbothered by the ever collapsing concept of personal space up until the moment when their hands brush together. Guillermo always blushes and takes a step away, heart rate going up in these moments, and Nandor finds himself almost obsessed with it, fixing up tiny moments of contact just to enjoy Guillermo's thoroughly human reactions to them. He could listen to them forever, revel in this little game of teasing with the knowledge it was all for him.

Then, however, he remembers that there was no possibility of having an eternity of this and feels the bitterness of it like acid in his stomach.

Whatever he's been feeling – like a lovesick puppy made out of excited little puppies –, it's all directed very specifically to Guillermo's humanity. Should he ever turn him into a vampire, the heartbeat would be gone. As well as his flushed cheeks and the warmth of his body. There is no way of preserving those things forever, as much as Nandor has grown to love them. Sure, he also appreciates other things about Guillermo, the neverending things, like his caring nature, his soft-spoken character, his small smile that seems to only be reserved for Nandor. Maybe he could live with only those things and grow to love the absence of others.

And this is usually where he stops his train of thought and begrudgingly pushes the daydream into a farthest corner of his mind. Familiars aren't potential mates. Most of the time, familiars aren't even considered friends, let alone respected human beings. Familiars are only there to clean up after a vampire's mess while clinging on the false hope of becoming a vampire someday. Nothing more and and often so much less than that. Other vampires certainly don't have such thoughts about their familiars.

Except, after the first two years, Guillermo had proven himself to be one of the best familiars a vampire could ever get, and Nandor had decided to string him along for as long as possible. After seven, an unlikely friendship was struck one night when the two sat in the library and talked about Twilight and other popular vampire fiction for hours. That was when Nandor's problems with keeping his word first began, at the thought that when Guillermo would become a vampire, he would want to leave and explore the world, and Nandor would lose a newfound friend. So his selfishness won over, and Nandor decided to keep him human for just a few more years, until they would inevitably run out of things to talk about.

After the eleven-year mark, their dynamic started to shift for the worse. Suddenly, Nandor was paying attention to Guillermo's heartbeat and protecting him with his own life and feeling happy at the mere thought of Guillermo having feelings for him. For the first time, he was tempted to selfishly turn him into a vampire and then bind him to himself, just to have him around forever and ever. And he was even more terrified of his cold, unbeating heart actually getting broken for the first time in 750 years if Guillermo would simply take off without as much as a proper goodbye after getting what he wanted. So, Nandor has found himself at the most unpleasant crossroads.

And now, there is also the vampire slayer thing.

A very cumbersome new piece of information, indeed, and far too risky to be kept a secret from Nadja and Laszlo. Of course, Nadja and Laszlo would kill Guillermo on the spot if they ever found out, which is definitely not an option for Nandor. No, he has grown to care too much for his dear familiar to let that happen, no matter how dangerous it might be to live in such proximity to someone that has far too many opportunities to kill them each night. And day. And dusk and dawn. Nandor shudders at the thought of it. Small, fragile, innocent Guillermo, capable of ending his immortal life. it still feels unreal, even after two wooden stakes have already come too close to his heart for comfort.

At least, Nandor has been assured that Guillermo truly means them no harm. In the days after the messy incident of him murdering Carol and he hasn't done anything that would make Nandor think otherwise. In fact, now that Nandor is paying more attention to it, Guillermo even seems to be using his skills to protect the house from several vampires. Vampire assassins, he called them when Nandor asked about it, sent after them by the Council after they'd escaped their death penalty. Nandor owes him a dozen lives for his dedication and bravery, which is why he's been coming back to the question of turning him with even more dread than before. Is it fair to Guillermo that he turns him into a vampire and gives him eternal life as an award for his protection? Or is it fairer to give him one mortal life that would give him a chance to be true to his heritage? Would he become bitter and grow to hate Nandor if he turned him into a monster he's literally been born to kill?

Honestly, it's becoming too painful for Nandor to even think about these things, so he tries to keep this endless internal debate out of mind as much as he can. He has other problems to take care of first, such as keeping Guillermo safe. It was almost laughable that he still feels the need to protect him after Guillermo has proven time and time again that he can take very good care of himself. Still, trying to keep his secret from his roommates was the least Nandor can do in an attempt to return Guillermo's favor until he decides if Guillermo still desires to become a vampire.

Keeping a secret from three very perceptive vampires, however, has proved itself to be quite the challenge - although, perhaps Nandor's own anxiety over it might be giving his roommates more credit than they are due. Everything just feels so obvious to him, every move a giveaway and every spoken word a syllable away from the truth. The best solution he has come up with so far is to simply keep his roommates away from Guillermo at all times, which is a neat and very clever and very inconspicuous way to ensure the secrecy. The goal is fairly simple, even if the execution of it is ... well, Nandor has always been known for his lack of discretion. No one has ever thought to call him Nandor the Subtle, that much is certain. Especially not after he tackled Laszlo so hard they both went through the window when he'd almost walked in on Guillermo vacuuming, nor when he hissed at Nadja when she tried to ask Guillermo if he could take one of her dresses to the dry cleaner.

The tipping point of his new strange behavior, though, the one that finally forced Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin Robinson to address it, is Nandor's very new, very strange decision to accompany Guillermo on every errand outside the house. The original purpose of it was protection, of course – if Carol could tell that Guillermo was a vampire killer, then surely other vampires will be able to, too. It's better if Nandor accompanies him to make sure he is safe. He even puts on a flawless performance of pretending not to notice the raised eyebrows at his flimsy excuses of "having to make sure Guillermo does everything right" and "needing to stretch his legs a little". 

Seventeen nights of this, nobody bats an eye. On the eightteenth, they all snap at once.

"Actually, Nandor," Nadja says with a suspicously sounding sweetness in her voice, stopping Nandor when he is already one foot out the door to follow Guillermo to the 24-hour convenience store. "We were hoping to have a house meeting with you tonight."

Pausing at the door, Nandor looks from Nadja and Laszlo smiling innocently to a confused looking Guillermo waiting on the porch. He knows what he wants: he wants to go with Guillermo, on that stupid little bus-carriage Guillermo has told him about. Apparently, riding them is not so slow and tedious as vampires think. Nandor has been looking forward to learning of all the ways one could enjoy a bus ride for all of five minutes. But Nadja and Laszlo look too suspicious to pass the meeting. It feels like a calm before the storm. Nandor would be a fool and a bad warrior general to ignore it.

"All right," he drags the words out slowly, stepping back inside. "Guillermo, we can go to the convenient store tomorrow."

"No! No, no," Nadja say, her grin still too big for her head as she holds up a hand to keep Guillermo from returning inside the house. "No need. Guillermo can go to the store by himself. It's a vampires only meeting. Only vampires allowed. No one under a hundred years old."

Guillermo shrugs and leaves with a soft goodbye to ride a bus by himself. Nandor looks after him for a moment, a heavy feeling in his chest. He should be fine by himself, right? He's already killed more vampires that Nandor had in his long life. He should be fine. Malicious vampires generally don't waste their time riding public transport anyway.

Slamming the door shut, Nadja brings Nandor back to reality. Her grin is gone and she's quick and snappy with her movements as she gestures Nandor to follow them to the library. She looks positively pissed. Laszlo, beside her, slightly annoyed. Colin Robinson, who's waiting for them on the couch in the library ... somewhat joyful. Excited even.

Oh, fuck, Nandor thinks at the sight of his very earnest smile. This is going to be bad.

"So, what is this all about?" he asks, opting for the rude and irritated approach to cover up the ever-rising apprehension. "What's so important for a meeting like this?"

Only he does know what's so important. They figured it out, didn't they? They definitely figured it out. Oh, this is bad. Very, very bad. Maybe it really is a good thing that Guillermo isn't here for the grand reveal. Yes, it's better that he is far away from this mess, possibly on a vampire-free bus, so they couldn't ambush them both. If only there was a way to signal Guillermo not to come back to the house.

"If I could begin this, well, little affair," Colin Robinson begins gleefully, chuckling to himself slightly at his pathetic choice of words. "Nandor, we've noticed you have been acting a little off, lately, and we all-"

"We know what you've been hiding from us, you stupid little shit!" Nadja yells over him and yes, Nandor is properly screwed. He should just make a run for it now, before they try to kill him for just not telling them they had been living in the presence of a vampire killer for so long. Maybe he could pick Guillermo up on the way and they could move somewhere up in the mountains and become goat herders? Only, no, he doesn't want to become a goat herder. He doesn't want that. Does he? No. Of course not. It's just the idea of living in an isolated part of the world with only Guillermo by his side for eternity should he have him, and oh god, he really doesn't have the time to think about that right now–

"Look, we get it, okay. You and Guillermo are in your honeymoon phase and that can be very passionate and intense," Nadja continues and Nandor's entire brain screeches to a halt. He and Guillermo are in a what? "But that’s no excuse for putting Colin Robinson in a headlock for asking Guillermo if he could check the miniature icebox in his closet-room!"

“I honestly just wanted to check if I left my pudding cup in there."

"He just wanted to check if he left his pudding thing in there!" Nadja furiously repeats after Colin Robinson. "I mean, good grief, what does a man have to do in this house to get his pudding? Not to mention you hauled my dear Laszlo from the second floor twice in the past week just for passing Guillermo in the hall! I knew you were possessive, but it is just affecting our well-being at this point. Also, what do you think you are doing, keeping your relationship a secret from us? How stupid do you think we are?"

Nandor feels like dropping dead right then. Guillermo and him, in a secret sex relationship? What the fuck? He has to deny these preposterous allegations right now. He is definitely not having secret passionate sex with his familiar, no matter how appealing that sounds! No, he shouldn't say that out loud. He should just tell the truth, right? It would be much better than to let them believe that he and Guillermo were in an actual relationship. It would also be much better than to gape stupidly at Nadja, who appeared to be expecting an answer to her question. He really should say something. Anything. Change the topic if possible.

"Well, you admittedly aren't the smartest group of vampires I've ever met," he says. Before he even finishes the sentence, Nadja is already flying towards him with an enraged scream. Bracing himself for the tackle, he feels sort of proud for handling this as well as he did. This will surely turn into a who is smarter argument any second now, and Guillermo and Nandor aren't going to be forced to move to the most secluded mountain in the world. That was the plan, anyway. Until Laszlo fucks it up by grabbing onto his wife's ankle and pulling her back to the couch.

"Now, now, there's no need for more physical violence, dear," Laszlo says and caresses her shoulder lovingly. "Look, Nandor, we understand. I do, at least. I've beheaded many men to keep my dear Nadja to myself and, between you and me, I don't even mind a couple of friendly tackles. Nevertheless, I am a bit hurt that you didn't want to share the happy news with us."

"I-"

"Yes, yes, we know, vampire-familiar relationships are generally frowned upon, but we've known each other for decades, old friend. We could help you figure this out," Laszlo continues without letting Nandor interject. He stands up and walks over to Nandor and do give him a joyous pat on the back. "You and Gizmo shouldn’t feel the need to hide your love-making, at least not from us."

Well, what can Nandor say to that, honestly? Nothing, absolutely nothing. His brain has stopped working and at least he is man enough to admit it to himself. He should tell them the truth, save himself and Guillermo a little dignity, but his loyalty to Guillermo keeps his mouth shut. And, honestly, it is a perfectly clever cover. He's been trying to come up with one for weeks, but none seemed to be quite as good at explaining why on earth he could be interested in Guillermo talking about bus rides. No other reason to be excited about going on one, either. For now, this is a great solution.

It stops being a great solution, however, when the front door opens.

"Silly me, I walked all the way to the bus station before realizing I forgot my wallet!" Guillermo calls out to them from the entrance, an embarrassed laugh enriching his voice. "I think I left it on the coffee table here ... oh. Are you still having your meeting?"