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When I was making the Molotov cocktails there was only the thought of protecting those I cared about in my mind, it wasn’t until I was listening to the pain filled growls and yelps and smelling the burning flesh of Peter Hale that I fully realised what my plan actually entailed. Burning a man who spent 6 years in a coma after he and his family were burned alive… no matter what he’s done I couldn’t help the flash of guilt I felt, but I pushed it from my mind. This man had HURT Lydia , had BITTEN Scott and my best friend wanted to be human again, and I’ll do all I can to help make that happen especially since really it’s my fault he was bitten in the first place. It’s been said more than once that I care almost too much for those I love but not enough for others. I know I’m not good. Not like Scott is. But I’m ok with that. I wouldn’t just die for those I cared about, I would kill, unremorsefully.
To some extent I understand Peter’s plan , I Know that if someone had burned my family alive I would have gone for revenge, and not in the law and order way my dad would either, but with blood like Peter. But it doesn’t matter, Peter could kill, maim and torture those responsible for the fire all he wanted for all I care, in my book they deserve it, but he was going after MY friends , and I may not have serious skills with a crossbow, or super strength and claws but I remembered how to make the Molotov cocktails, and so if I had to burn Peter’s flesh from his bones to help Scott, then so be it. I never said I was good.
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Derek was kneeling over Peter who now lay in a mess of flesh and ash, still alive, lips moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying from where I was standing. I looked over to Scott, he needed to finish it, become human again so he and Allison could date without the threat of ACTUAL dismemberment from Allison dad, but before I could call out to him to move his ass I caught movement from the corner of my eye. Derek raised his clawed hand and swiped it across Peter’s throat blood spraying in an arc. I sucked in a shocked breath and just froze, that back stabbing Prick! I looked to Scott who just stood there staring at Derek with this sad betrayed look on his face and for a moment I felt such an all-consuming rage at Derek I couldn’t think, the feeling doesn’t even make sense, I knew it was long shot that Scott killing Peter would cure him anyway but looking at Derek standing over Peter corpse I wished for another Molotov cocktail. I was brought out of my stupor when Derek spoke, and I didn’t just hear his words, but felt them, it made me shiver and goose bumps broke out on my skin.
“I’m the Alpha now”
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I Walked into my house feeling numb wanting a shower more than ever before, I felt dirty , like my skin was infused with the burning flesh I could still smell on me. I rushed upstairs with the plan of taking the longest shower I could with the water burning hot, that was until that caused me to think back to the heat of the flames rolling off of Peter’s wolfed out form and quickly turned the water cold. After cleaning my teeth I walked into my room and got under the covers on my bed and checked my phone. Nothing. After Derek’s announcement everyone kind of split up to go home all in a shocked stupor I suppose, at least that’s how I felt. I saw Chris say something to both Derek and Scott before he dragged Allison home but I don’t know what. Scott give a mournful howl and just ran into the woods already wolfed out again, so I’m guessing whatever Chris said to him it wasn’t him giving his blessing to the Allison and Scott, Romeo and Juliet love affair, as for what he said to Derek I have no idea, Derek’s expression didn’t change from his scowling brooding look, but it rarely did. Jackson also spoke to Derek before he drove me home and I didn’t like the smug look on his face on the drive either , it was more smug than usual and that’s a sort of smug I didn’t think was even earthly possible , id worry more about that except right now I couldn’t quite make myself.
My mind was blank , it was shocking , I guess I finally found a cure to ADHD , forget Adderall and breathing exercises to ‘clear the mind’, try life threatening situations with a sprinkling of death, blood and violence , works a charm apparently. My phone dings with a message. I look and it’s from Scott.
I’m ok. Going to see Allsion. Speak in school tomoz .S
School… shit, normal routine. It feels wrong, like things should be different. I don’t even know why I feel like this everything else that’s happened I took in stride , in fact id admit to myself I’ve been pretty excited about it . Scott changing, dead bodies turning up, mystery to solve, a whole new word to discover and learn, it’s amazing and more than a little scary but I don’t think I would change things, not really , at least not everything. Don’t get me wrong I feel guilt about dragging Scott into the woods that night he got bitten, and I wish my best friend didn’t feel so conflicted about being a werewolf, but I wouldn’t want to go back to how life was. I feel like I know myself now , I don’t like everything I’ve learnt , but I know I’m not just a loser geek. I can be brave , loyal , strong , and I know that even though I’m at a big disadvantage from being a ‘weak’ human , that wouldn’t stop me from trying . I’ve also learned that the black and white world of good and evil I’ve read in so many comics is very much not reality , there’s grey and I’m very much in it , a grey that’s closer to black than white.
So no I haven’t felt this strange feeling that I still can’t name since the whole supernatural world came crashing into my life. I know that even if Scott had killed Peter and turned human tonight life wouldn’t go back to how it was no matter how much Scott might wish it. Hell I’m a human and I can’t stop from sticking my nose into the world and I don’t have the hero complex Scott has, Sure I’ll fight for those I care about no matter what, but everyone else can fight for themselves as far as I’m concerned. I know Scott doesn’t think like me though, he will want to save anyone and everyone he can, and saving people’s lives from the “bad” guys would be that much harder without werewolf muscle that’s for sure. So I should just chalk this night up as another supernatural frenzy, wright down anything new I’ve learned in the information I’m collecting on the supernatural and move on like always. Except… just as I’m about to fall asleep I recognize what it is I’m feeling, I’ve felt it before, it’s a feeling that settles in your bones carving into them so that even when the initial feeling heals you’re still marked by it… loss.
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The next morning I push all of last night, and the confusing feelings that come with it, deep down in a place where they can’t be analysed and drag myself out of bed. I keep as quiet as possible while getting ready and skip breakfast (not that I had much of an appetite) so as not to wake my Dad who I know was out late last night as he had to deal with Kate’s body at the old Hale house ( I know Derek was going to bury Peter’s) .On my way to School I text Scott asking him to meet me outside so I can get an update , but he didn’t reply and he’s not there when I pull up though his mom’s car is. As I head in I see him with Allison by her locker and walk up to them.
“Hey, Did you not get my text?” I could tell by Scott’s sheepish expression that he did but choose to ignore it .
“Sorry! I needed to talk to Allison” I ground down my frustration even though he was supposed to have talked to her last night but she’s probably upset about Kate so I shouldn’t act like an ass about it .
“Whatever , so what’s going on now? Have you spoken to Derek? Is he going to-”
“Why should I have spoken to him! He’s not my Alpha!” ok…
“ugh… he isn’t?”
“No way! How can you even ask that?! He can be an Alpha all he wants, but he’s not mine” I could understand Scott’s point, I don’t think I’d take very well to having no choice but to follow someone’s orders. Especially Derek’s. I grunt in agreement.
“Ok, but we may need his help at some point , it’s a good idea to keep track of what’s going on” not that I like that fact very much but there’s only so much you can get from google and most of what you do get is a load of crap.
“Why? , if any other problem comes along , the Argent’s can keep us in the loop that’s what Chris said last night he wants to work towards a truce” holy shit! I couldn’t help but be sceptical, I mean wasn’t he just trying to kill Scott?
“No shit!? He’s cool with you and Allison?” in answer both Allison and Scoot shift on their feet in silence and I narrow my eyes at them suspiciously, as I wait for an answer, I take the time to really look at Allison and notice her less than perfect hair (which is a rarity in itself) and her red puffy eyes, it’s strange she’s even in today. I wonder if word about Kate’s death has gotten around yet and take a look around the school hallway, I notice a few prolonged glances at Allison, looks with pity and whispered conversations , small towns can suck sometimes. I feel like I should say something or hug her or something, but honestly Kate was a raving lunatic, and a complete bitch so I’d feel like a hypocrite so I don’t . It’s Allison who finally answers.
“ Not exactly , in fact he said he’d only offer a truce if Scott and me stay away from each other” by the time she finishes she whispering and I can’t help but feel for them , that is until Scott finishes
“We will just have to keep us a secret , I mean the truce will be handy , I have better control now but I still don’t know much about werewolf’s” now that’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one, but I don’t think learning from the goddam hunters is a partially good idea.
“Are you crazy Scott!” ok I may say that a little more loudly than I intended and a couple of nearby freshmen look over so I lower my voice and practically hiss at him “You two are not exactly subtle you know, with the loving glances and secret rendezvous. And what does a Truce really even mean? does going without one mean that Chris and his hunting buddies will be actively hunting you? And you’re willing to risk your life so you can keep getting- ” Shit! I almost went way to far then, I take a breath before carrying on “look I don’t mean to be an asshole , but can’t you two just take a break , just until things calm down from the killings and- ” Allison is frowning at me now and cuts in before I can finish.
“Hunters follow a code you know, if Scott doesn’t kill anyone then…” before I can think better of it my mouth opens and I say what I’m thinking
“Ye right and your family is known by all by how well they follow the goddam code aren’t they?!” I didn’t need to see Allison flinch or the way she pales to feel guilty it’s the truth but it’s not Allison fault after all, and she just found out the aunt she thought she loved is crazy and killed a family of innocent people ( werewolf’s or not) including children and then that aunt is murdered... yep im an asshole, What I said is harsh and uncalled for I don’t even know why I’m so angry. Before I can apologise Scott takes a step closer to me and I realise the looks people have been giving to Allison are now focused on all three of us and is turning into all out staring.
“What the actual Fuck Stiles? This has nothing to do with you anyway! And besides who are you to tell me to have a break with MY girlfriend, you wouldn’t know what it’s like, since you’ve never had one! Hell you had to get Allison to practically blackmail Lydia into going to the dance with you, and then when she did she ditched you and then got attacked so don’t go judging me! You-“ he’s cut off by the bell , he looks up then simply storms off , Allison’s already gone though I don’t know when she did. I walk to class , feeling like shit , everything he said hit to close to home , he’s right about Lydia and I did overstep with what I said to them, I guess I didn’t bury the feeling from last night as deep as I thought. I can’t help but be angry as well though, because despite what he thinks it IS my business, I’ve been with him through all of this, stayed by his side even when he lost control of his wolf and tried to kill me for fuck’s sake! More than once! And I did it, and would do it again because were bros, he would do the same for me. We have never argued like this before, we have been best friends since elementary school so we have had our squabbles, but we never went personal like that, we never hit each other insecurities like Scott just did, and what sucks the most is no matter how angry I am over it I can’t be completely sure that I didn’t deserve it. I sigh as I enter my English class, it’s going to be a long day.
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It’s been three days and Scott and me have yet to make up (and yes I’m aware of how that sounds). I don’t like it, it feels strange having something like this between us. We have grown a little apart these last couple of months what with him spending more time with Allison , but I never felt sad about that (not much anyway) as I know how crazy he is about her , but maybe that little bit of distance affected us more than I thought as I can’t help but think that we would never have argued like we did if we were still as close as we were a couple of months ago , and if we did we wouldn’t have gone this long before forgiving each other. I’m not angry about it anymore , I’m ready to call it a bad day and forget about it to be honest , but just haven’t had the chance to talk to him about it yet in fact I’m pretty sure he’s avoiding me .School Is pretty fucking lonely without him I know that much .
Things with my dad is more than tense to, it tears me apart that I have to lie to him , and the looks he keeps giving me , so full of disappointment it makes me want to just hug him and tell him everything so he will know I’m not as bad as he thinks I am. He suspects I know more about what happened to Lydia than what I’m letting on, probably thinks I’m protecting the person who done it or something, at this point I think he would believe I was capable of that, if only he knew I actually helped kill the person who did it , I don’t know if him knowing that would be worse. He’s grounded me and tried to get me to talk to him, the grounding doesn’t really bother me especially without Scott being around , and the talks he tries aren’t much of anything, it’s as if he’s given up on me ever answering with the truth anyway and he doesn’t want to hear the lies.
On the fourth day, a Saturday, Lydia Is released from the hospital, I’ve been going around to visit her after school ( my dad allowed me that much in my grounded rules) , she’s confused about what happened and can’t remember everything ,she keeps asking me questions though ones I don’t bother answering not even with lies. I’m just so sick of the lying with my dad that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She knows I know more than I let on and I know when she’s ready she going to ask me what happened and not leave it be until I answer. I think she deserves to know, I can’t imagine being attacked like that then thinking I’m going crazy because what I think happened is impossible. Also we don’t know what’s up with Lydia, she was bitten but she didn’t turn or die that’s unheard of (apparently) , I’ve tried to research it but haven’t come up with anything and she is acting strange ,she gets this lost inner look on her face sometimes and misses parts of our conversation, but that could be PTSD or something but I’m not risking it and going to keep an eye on it , it seems everyone else has forgotten about her .
Mostly I’m going to tell her because I’m selfish. I want someone I can talk to , besides she’s a fucking beautiful genius she can only be a help ( don’t know why the beauty is important but I can’t help but include it). I don’t think I have feelings for her anymore , not anything past friendship anyway which is strange and I don’t know when exactly that happened , it’s been a while I think I’ve simply gone along with my normal ‘I’m gone for Lydia’ actions out of habit or …something. I just want to get it all out . So when she turns up at my doorstep at around noon that day I don’t say anything I just let her in.
She looks good , great even , her hair in perfect waves , make-up impeccable , attitude high on sass , but somethings not quite right , I don’t know what it is , most wouldn’t notice it , but years of crushing on her means I can pick up on the change. She sits down on the sofa looks up at me and says simply.
“Tell me everything you know” I look at her, seeing that slight change, that new vulnerability in her eyes and then I tell her.
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After I’m done she looks at me for a long time, and then says
“He’s dead?” I can’t place what her face looks like and I answer simply
“Yes”
“Good” I feel a little angry at that.
“Good that’s it?”
“Stiles, you just told me that werewolf’s are real , that Scott is one , which by the way explains a hell of a lot , that my best friend comes from a family of werewolf hunters , who’s aunt is responsible for killing the hales ,except for the crazed uncle who after 6 years in a comer killed his niece to become alpha then went on a killing rampage on those responsible for the fire and was the one who” there’s a small hitch in her breath at this point before she continues “attacked me , then Derek Hale killed him and now he is the one who’s the alpha werewolf , so yes right now all I can possibly think to say is good”
Once she’s finished I just look at her for a minute , I don’t even know why I was angry at her before , I mean she’s taking it pretty fucking well actually.
“How come your taking this so well , I mean …how can you just believe what I just told you” at this some of Lydia’s sass comes through she sits up straight flicks her hair over her shoulder and says , with a bit of censure.
“This is ME your talking to you know, I knew something strange was going on in this town” she quiet for a minute while I fight my smile , it’s easy to see why I was so caught up in her. She continues. “Besides I saw some things when I was attacked and when I was in the video store with Jackson… oh my god! Jackson! , that’s what he was on about!”
“What do you mean?” thinking back to Jackson smug face the other night , I realised I probably should have found out what’s going on with that before.
“When Jackson broke up with me “ she gets a small frown on her face at this I know that it hurt her more than she lets on “ he said things… about moving on and getting better , I bet he’s trying to get the bite”
“Ye well I’m sure Derek isn’t stupid enough to bite-” I cut myself off thinking about how Jackson helped out the other night , and the talk he had with Derek afterword, I know if Derek wants to increase his power he needs a pack, and with Scott denying him as alpha ,right now he has no pack to speak of.
“Shit! Jackson as a wolf would be the worst fucking …” I trail off again reaching for my phone to ring Scott.
“Hey!, I wouldn’t have chosen Scott as a werewolf either you know! who says Jackson is going to be so bad “ I stop dialling for a second to look at her and then ask
“Seriously?” she looks at me for a moment then gives in
“Shit ok , what are you going to do?” I don’t answer for a moment as the phone connects to Scott, he sounds out of breath.
“Not now Stiles”
Then he hangs up. Shit I forgot about our argument thing.
“Shit , I guess I’m going to go see Alpha Derek , probably wasn’t a good idea to send Scott anyway with how he’s feeling about him right now” Lydia huffs a little before responding
“I don’t know why he’s so angry I mean becoming a werewolf looks to be the best thing that happened to him, just look at his popularity , why would he want to become human again?” I make a non-committal noise
“Ye I think the whole thing with his girlfriends father trying to kill him takes the shine off the popularity thing”
“mmmmm I guess” she doesn’t sound convinced though , for a genius she sure does have some weird priorities. I go to get up and she speaks again “so where do we go to find Derek?” wait…
“We?”
“Yes WE , I’m not being kept out of the loop this time! No way , besides Derek’s hot” I think for a couple of seconds.
“True” she looks a little shocked at my agreeing, I haven’t really let it known to everyone that I’m bi , Scott knows and so does my dad… and now I guess Lydia. I carry on before she can respond though. “It’s just I don’t know whether I was supposed to let you in the know about …” I growl and make slashy claws at her. After giving me an un-impressed look she responds.
“I was attacked by a werewolf so he will just have to get over the fact that im” she air quotes the next “in the know” she pauses before she continues “besides maybe he will know more about why I haven’t turned” she has a point.
“ Ok , I don’t know where to go to look for him actually , I guess the old Hale house” she looks at me sharply
“Wait he doesn’t like live in there does he?”
“Well… I guess” Now that I think about it that’s pretty fucking awful, not only is the place barley standing, but living where your family died seeing and smelling all their burnt out belongings… I frown, and Lydia frowns back at me and we just look at each other for a minute, letting the awfulness of that sink in.
“Why though? I mean my dad sorted out their wills and insurance when his family died and I know him and Laura were left with millions… and I guess that’s all his now” she whispers this to me.
“He came here to look for his sister when he hadn’t heard from her , and then the whole thing with the Argents, his uncle ,and becoming a wanted man thanks to Scott and me… maybe he hasn’t had the chance to get somewhere”
“God , losing most of his family in a fire then losing his sister to his uncle then having to kill his uncle , I mean that’s…” she doesn’t continue and I feel like shit because I never thought of it like that , and how many other ways is there to think about it really , I guess this is another example of how I only feel for those who I’m close with. I mean it killed me to lose my mom , hell it still kills me , to lose what he has…after another couple of seconds of silence I stop thinking about it.
“Come on, we’ll take my Jeep”