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Disclaimer: I don’t own any rights to Naruto or the characters.
I haven’t written fanfic in…eight or nine years now? Wow. So, this is my first story in a long while. It was inspired after rewatching Naruto with the context that Gai, Ebisu, and Genma were on the same genin team. Their sensei isn’t stated in the manga, but Chouza Akimichi is their sensei in the anime, so I decided to use the anime canon.
I also realized upon rewatching the early episodes that both Ebisu and Gai attacked Jiraiya and then…this fic was born.
Chouza’s Boys
The younger generation tended not to connect Gai, Genma, and Ebisu. To the older generations though, well, they were still known as Chouza’s Boys.
Almost causing an international incident because he was incapable of filtering his perviness and peeped into an onsen with a high-ranking official’s daughter? Ebisu.
Almost causing an international incident because he was incapable of filtering foul language and inappropriate jokes around the high-ranking official’s daughter, despite being a Hokage’s Guardsman? Genma.
Almost causing an international incident because he was incapable of filtering his volume control and woke said high ranking official’s daughter at 3:00am while having an impromptu and boisterous training session with Kakashi? Gai.
Lord Chouza Akimichi generally took any updates regarding his boys with a shrug and a chuckle. His trio of former genin had always been a rowdy bunch and still managed to get into trouble together, even when they weren’t even trying. After all, only the former Team Chouza had the current honor of inflicting increasing amounts of damage on Jiraiya in a series of impromptu surprise attacks.
All three of them had done it and they most definitely hadn’t coordinated said attacks. Jiraiya, however, loudly informed Chouza of each and every attempt on his life. Oh yes, Chouza definitely had gotten an earful from the Sannin each time.
Ebisu was the one who has started it, quite unintentionally of course. He had noticed Jiraiya peeping at the women’s onsen and it an attempt to appear heroic and definitely not a fellow pervert, he had attacked the Sannin. Ebisu, of the three, was the one who had failed to do any damage.
Jiraiya had only been amused by that point, when he recounted the incident to Chouza later. Chouza had of course asked Jiraiya what he’d done to be suspicious in the first place. After much blustering and denial, Jiraiya had finally admitted that he had in fact been spying on the women.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t be acting so suspicious then,” Chouza had responded.
“Hah. Well, he failed at any rate. I’m the one who sent him to the hospital.”
Gai nailed him just a few days later. Jiraiya had just saved Naruto from the Akatsuki and somehow, somehow (“I wasn’t being suspicious, Chouza! Stop laughing!”) Gai had decided that he was an enemy combatant and kicked his face in.
Jiraiya had been holding an ice pack to his very purple and swollen face when he next tracked down the Akimichi clan leader. He had not been amused.
“Who was your third, that Genma kid, right?” Jiraiya had demanded. “Didn’t Minato teach him Hiraishin?”
“Yes, and he’s still in the Hokage’s guard,” Chouza answered. “Which means wherever Tsunade goes, he won’t be far behind.” Jiraiya had blanched at that. He left with Naruto a few days later, glad to be far away from Konoha.
It was another three years before the remaining member of Team Chouza got him, but got him he did. Jiraiya had slipped unannounced into the Hokage Residence not long after returning from his training trip with Naruto. Genma, not seeing the Sannin’s face, had believed that an enemy shinobi was after Tsunade.
A poisoned senbon in the ass and zero apologies later, (“He wasn’t remotely apologetic, Chouza! At least Gai apologized! Genma made stupid jokes instead!”) Jiraiya had to be rushed to the Konoha Hospital. Tsunade herself removed the poison while she lectured Jiraiya about appearing suspicious. (She had guards after all for a reason and “This is what I pay them for, Jiraiya.”)
Chouza had known what was coming as soon as he heard Jiraiya bellowing, “Chooouza!! One of your boys!!”
Suffice to say...Chouza’s Boys had a reputation.
They had a reputation for more than unintentionally causing trouble though. They were all splendid shinobi and fine teachers in their own right, having taken Chouza’s lessons to heart.
All three were also fine chefs. As students of the Akimichi clan head, the trio had learned how to navigate a kitchen as well as the battlefield and it showed. Chouza had drilled nutritional theories and culinary skills into each of them. Healthy shinobi ran on proper diets and very active shinobi needed high calorie diets.
Coincidentally, as students of a clan head, the trio did actually know how to behave at a fancy, hoity toity social gathering. Chouza had deliberately given them an abridged version of a clan education, since none of them had come from shinobi clans. (None of them had come from civilian families at least, thankfully) Genma and Gai knew proper etiquette as well as Ebisu, for instance.
They just chose not to use it unless ordered to do so. It didn’t help that they all lacked filters.
Chouza thought a moment and then shook his head. No, it wasn’t quite true that they all lacked filters. It was true, however, that only Ebisu made any sort of attempt at applying a filter. Terrible attempts, to be sure, but attempts nonetheless. (“Honestly, sensei, I tried, but did you see her rack!? Even Lord Third was looking.”)
And ordered to behave properly sometimes they were. Once Tsunade found out that Gai actually did know how to act in a fancy setting, and even knew a couple of court dances (“When the hell did you teach him that Chouza? And...why?”), she paired him up with Kurenai and sent him on a secret mission to the daimyo’s palace.
The mission had gone surprisingly smoothly. Kurenai, Chouza had been told, had been shocked speechless.
Chouza’s Boys. Always surprising everyone with what they least expected.
And for the record, Gai had asked to learn those dances. And for the additional record, Chouza had made all three of them memorize poetry. Poetry could come in handy on a mission, for any number of disguises.
Genma had discovered this first, when he had disguised himself as a civilian artist when he was a teenager. Gai used poetry to impress the daimyo’s court. Ebisu, well, Ebisu somehow managed to get a date with it.
The narrator relates all of this, of course, to make a point. Chouza’s boys still can’t stay out of trouble.
Chouza and Chouji were visiting the esteemed Hokage when a familiar medic-nin barged into the room.
“Who...who gave Gai a hot red wheelchair?”
Shizune glowered at the newly inaugurated Hokage while she crossed her arms. Tsunade had recently retired and was assisting in the hospital. That meant that Gai’s usual co-conspirator was now sitting behind the Hokage’s desk.
“It wasn’t me,” Kakashi answered, ignoring the glare from the medic-nin in the doorway.
“Honest,” he protested, waving a hand at the stack of paperwork in front of him. “Blame his former teammates.”
“Former teammates?” Shizune asked.
“Genma and Ebisu, remember?” the newest Hokage asked. “Genma’s off duty at the moment. I also heard him and Ebisu plotting yesterday to steal his wheelchair and paint it.”
Chouza bit back a laugh. His boys. Always up to something.
“He’s racing it around Konoha!” Shizune exclaimed, her voice rising even higher. “He’s under strict orders not to do that! His wounds are still healing!”
“Well, this is Gai,” Kakashi noted. “He’d be doing it no matter what the color was.”
“Did you really think that Gai would just sit around?” Chouza added. “He already broke the last, two wheelchairs.”
“But...they also weaponized it!” Shizune added. “They even got Tenten to help with it!”
“Oooh?”
Kakashi and Chouza grinned at each other, neither remotely surprised by this revelation. Chouza was suddenly reminded of the days when he and Minato used to swap stories about their genins’ antics.
“I’m honestly surprised they didn’t do it sooner,” Kakashi admitted.
“But...he’s under strict orders! No heavy physical activity!” Shizune sputtered.
“I’ll check on him,” Chouza promised. “I think we’re finished here anyway and I’m sure Kakashi is quite busy.”
Kakashi nodded his head, though Chouza was sure that the Sixth Hokage would like nothing more than to go join the wheelchair racing. Being Hokage meant new duties and those duties meant that he could no longer join in the mayhem, at least not at the moment.
And given the frustrated sigh he heard from Kakashi when they left, Chouza knew that he’d rather be in on the mayhem.
It didn’t take Chouza long to find his former students. He just followed the nearest sound of commotion, finding, as he expected a certain Green Beast and his co-conspirators. They had stopped near the onsen, which was probably not a coincidence, given Ebisu.
“I hear someone got a new wheelchair,” Chouza smiled. The trio, well, trio plus Tenten and Lee, whipped their heads around to see the Akimichi Clan head and his son. Gai flashed a thumbs up sign and Genma chewed on his senbon, not looking the least bit apologetic. Ebisu put his hands on his hips in an attempt to look proper and puffed out his chest.
“Well of course, sensei,” Ebisu answered. “You know Gai would break a normal wheelchair.”
This was true, given the previously destroyed wheelchairs.
“True,” Chouza assented. “Just so you are aware, you have the medics upset. You’re not supposed to be doing any heavy physical activity.”
“I’m sitting!” Gai protested, pointing down at his wheelchair.
“That doesn’t mean you’re not being stupid, Turnip Head,” Genma smirked.
“You’re helping me be stupid!” Gai shot back. Genma shrugged his shoulders, not the least bit concerned by this accusation.
“Yes, well, just don’t let Shizune catch you,” Chouza reminded them. “Or the other two.” The other two, of course, being Tsunade and Sakura. “Especially Lady Fifth.”
The mention of Tsunade brought a visible shudder to the group of troublemakers. Chouza rolled his eyes before pointing a pudgy thumb behind him.
“I have some free time. How about some tea? It’s on me. Tenten and Lee are invited too, of course.” It had been awhile since he’d been able to just sit and talk with his former students.
Besides, Gai couldn’t race around like a madman if he was stuffing his face with tea and snacks.
“Thank you, sensei,” Ebisu said, bowing his head down low. “That’s very generous.” The others chimed in their thanks and followed after the clan head. Chouji fell back and walked with Tenten and Lee as they walked towards the tea house.
“Genma,” Chouza said, smirking to himself as he spoke. “Push Gai please. Don’t let him race to the tea house, or Tsunade will blame me.”
Genma immediately complied, to Gai’s vocal protestations. After a few minutes though, even he grew bored with the slow pace.
“Hey Gai…” Genma said slowly. “I think Ebisu needs some exercise.” Gai caught on immediately and gave a thumbs up. Ebisu squawked indignantly.
“Exercise! I’m in peak shape! How dare you…”
Genma smirked and broke into a run, pushing Gai’s wheelchair ahead of them as they began to chase Ebisu. Ebisu shouted and beseeched Chouza to do something.
“Please tell them to stop, sensei! The medics said no racing!”
“Shizune said that I wasn’t allowed to physically exert myself!” Gai shouted back. “They didn’t say anything about Genma!”
And so, they all ended up racing to the tea house anyway. Chouza shook his head, but kept pace. As much as Ebisu pretended to be upset, Chouza didn’t miss the grin on his student’s face.
Ebisu and Lee arrived at the tea house first and found a table. Gai and Genma were last, on account of being caught and berated by a fuming Shizune. Since Gai technically was not at fault, she had been forced to let them go.
“To lost friends and to being alive,” Chouza said, once the tea was poured. Everyone solemnly tapped their teacups together and took a moment to remember who wasn’t there.
Tea was...rowdy after that, but fun. Chouza was still numb by the loss of Inoichi and Shikaku, but he reveled in the sounds of life around him. Gai, Ebisu, and Genma teased each other, while Lee updated everyone about his training, and Tenten tried and failed to be the voice of reason. Chouji joked with his friends and then all three teenagers laughed when Genma told them a story about their genin days.
“Then Ebisu decided to flirt with her, only to find that she was actually a boy in disguise,” Genma smirked, twirling his senbon between his fingers. “He was a shinobi from Kumo.”
“That’s not how it happened!” Ebisu denied loudly.
“Yes it is,” Gai shot back just as loudly.
“That’s...not exactly how it happened,” Ebisu retorted, face now bright red. “And Genma flirted too.”
Chouza smiled as he listened to the bantering. His friends were gone, but his family was still alive. His boys...his dumb, but extremely loyal, brave, and exceptional students...were also still alive.
And that was enough.