Chapter Text
*DISCLAIMER: when originally writing CS, I had seriously considered an ending like Part I and the rest was born - in part - from a conversation with a friend over the paths their lives would've taken in the wake of it all.
Part I – Innocence Lost
Skimming through the surface of the water, the air cut through his wet hair and clothing, causing goosebumps to erupt across his shoulders and arms and face. It took every ounce of strength to pull himself through the water one handed, his clothing weighing him down. Upon reaching the shore, Murdoc struggled to get across the rocks and out of the water, clutching Alec's limp form against him. His blood roared in his ears, Hailey's sputtering cries barely heard even though she was mere yards away, climbing frantically down the rocks towards him. He was moaning, pressing his cheek into the bony little shoulder. "Alec," he whispered, sinking down into the dirt from exhaustion, still cradling the lifeless little body against him. He could have sworn he saw Alec moving when he’d retrieved him from the cooler, so sure the boy had grabbed onto his arm, but by the time they’d reached the surface, he was limp and floppy like a rag doll. Murdoc took another heaving breath and forced himself to his feet, feeling Hailey grab onto him and help him climb the rocks to the paved lot. He just wanted to get away from the water, get a better look at the little body that flopped against his chest.
Once he reached level ground, he let Alec slide gently down, laying him flat on his back. He was blue and lifeless, one eye half-mast and staring lifelessly skyward. Murdoc scanned the little body over, taking in the bruising he could see on Alec’s hands and the swollen and battered little face. What had happened to him? Why did she do this? One whole side of his face was so swollen and bruised, one eye was squeezed shut. A mix of blood and water drained from his partially open mouth and nose. Murdoc leaned towards him, his ear against the child's narrow chest. He was barely conscious of Hailey dropping down into the dirt next to him, tears choking her voice. "Alec?” She reached out with shaking hands, gently shaking at the lifeless little body. "Al....Alec?" Murdoc raised his head up slowly, feeling tears burn in his eyes and fall down his cheeks. He couldn’t feel or hear a single breath, not even the sound of a heartbeat. Murdoc let out another groan, gritting his teeth against the rush of pain that threatened to take over, clenching his jaw so hard his head ached. No, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Alec's short four years seemed to flash before his mind, the pain becoming more acute with each passing memory and image. With trembling hands, he smoothed the wet hair from Alec's forehead, his eyes following the bruises and cuts that marred his little body.
With a growl, he bent forward, positioning Alec's head at a small angle, his mouth pressing hard against Alec's slack lips, his mind screaming to breathe. Breathe for him. Get air into him. Drawing back, he pressed his hands into Alec's chest, his body now on auto-pilot, panting out a measured count with each press into the boy’s chest. He had never performed CPR in his life and only had a vague idea on what he had to do. Was it instinct that told him how to do it? He didn't know. He just knew that he needed to get Alec breathing and get his heart pumping. Hailey's cries were nothing but a dull background noise, his focus solely on the task at hand. White noise in his head, fogging the memories, distorting the phantom voice of the child in his mind. "Breathe," he whispered, thrusting his hands down into the boy's chest again. "Breathe...please...." Tears blurred in his vision as he bent low again and pressed his mouth against the boy's slack lips, exhaling another rush of air.
Seconds ticked by, minutes. Murdoc wasn't sure how long he worked on Alec, his voice no longer really heard above a panted whisper. Alec still hadn't moved or even reacted to anything Murdoc was doing and the musician heard his own low moaning within his head finally, the realization sinking in. How long had Alec been in that cooler beneath the ocean's surface before he had gotten to him? Had Alec been unconscious when dumped into the water? Had he imagined Alec grabbing him when he’d managed to pull him from the cooler? Too many frantic and panicked thoughts raced through his head, blending and turning into static. It took him a long moment to realize the sound he was just managing to hear over the static in his head was Hailey's voice. A strange strangled sound that started to rise in volume. Her hands were white-knuckled and clawed as she reached for Alec and through the strange sound and her sobs, Murdoc could hear their boy’s name. He sank back, legs tucked beneath him, staring at the lifeless body before him. He felt numb and useless suddenly, unable to move and unable to process that his efforts were in vain. Never before had he felt so helpless. His hands lay limp at his sides, every muscle liquefying, unable to hold himself upright anymore. Unable to move, unable to even speak, helplessly staring down at Alec as more tears fell, unable to stop them or the tightness in his chest. He gritted his teeth against the sobs that threatened, moving numb arms towards the lifeless body, pulling him into his lap. A strained moan escaped through his gritted teeth as he cradled the body. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be how it ends. He wanted so badly to deny what he was seeing and feeling as his hands stroked and smoothed back the damp hair. But as he pressed his face against the cooling skin and slack little cheeks, the reality of it was hitting and the moan turned into a strangled sob as he buried his face into Alec’s hair.
"No," Hailey moaned, reaching towards them. "No, no, no, no....." Explosive hiccuping sobs erupted from her as she pressed herself close, her hands clutching at the soaked pajama shirt and tugging at it pitifully as another strangled sob broke from her. Every little sob and whimper from her sent bolts of more pain through him as he watched her pull and shake at the little lifeless body in his arms. Her face twisted in their shared agony, raw and wet from tears that wouldn’t stop, almost rocking where she was as more moans and noises escaped from her.
Movement from somewhere behind them caught his attention and he lifted a weary head up to see the Alicia woman struggling to raise herself up. Rage and pain battled through him as he watched the woman with bleary tear-filled eyes. This was her doing. She’d taken their boy from them. But he couldn’t move, couldn’t think, just sit there holding the broken little body in his arms, unwilling to release him because releasing him meant he was gone from them for good. He returned his focus to the little battered face, pressing his forehead against Alec’s as another sob threatened to break free, unwilling to let that monster behind them see his pain. Only vaguely aware that Hailey had pulled away, rising to her feet beside them and slowly walking over to the woman who was now sputtering and sobbing as she tried to crawl away. He squeezed his eyes shut, crushing the little body against him, holding him as tight as he dared, the sound finally coming from him so strained and raw he almost didn’t believe it was him making those sounds. Sobs that broke through the silence, his voice rising to a soul jarring cry. Wailing loudly against the filth covered pajamas, his fingers moving over Alec’s slack face, desperate to memorize every little part of him.
He lifted his head slowly, staring over at the monster responsible for his son’s death. Hailey was shuffling towards her slowly, grabbing the rebar she’d used to strike the woman with earlier. How could that bitch have done this? For what reasons? What could he have done to deserve this? This was their baby. Their little boy. Battered beyond recognition and now dead. A low growl seethed from him as he stared at their son’s murderer. She was staring up at Hailey, tears in her eyes, a single arm outstretched before her. "H-h-hailey....," she stammered. "I-I-I....I didn't mean for this to happen...." Hailey said nothing, her grip on the rebar tightening as she closed in, now bringing the rebar into the air and drawing her arm back. Alicia let out a screech when the rebar came smashing down into her head, the blow knocking her back to the ground. Hailey brought it down a second time, this blow hitting Alicia in her back, cutting off another shriek as she hit the pavement hard. Mixed in with Alicia’s cries were the sounds of Hailey’s sobs. She stumbled where she stood, the rebar falling from her hand as she collapsed to her knees near Alicia’s head, gasping and sobbing.
Murdoc stared at the two women through red and wet eyes, his fingers fumbling with his phone, Alec's body still held against him. Setting the phone down, he gently lay Alec's body down onto the pavement next to the phone as an operator crackled across the speaker: "Emergency..." For a moment his words died at his lips, unable to speak. His throat felt tight and eyes burned, another sob threatening if he dared try to talk. Haily’s cries echoed through the vacant lot and the person responsible for his son’s death was crying and pleading, seemingly oblivious that the fight had gone out of Hailey.
The operator crackled across the phone again, asking if they needed help sent. Murdoc nodded his head, though he was aware the operator couldn’t see him. Slowly struggling to his feet, he took a deep breath before finally speaking. "There's been a kidnappin' an' a murder." He cast another look down at Alec’s still form, feeling another wave of pain wash over him. Gritting his teeth, he took a deep breath. “Someone killed my boy an' I'm 'bout t' help my wife kill them." Ignoring the operator's rapid questions, he willed his numb body to move, walking slowly towards them, stopping only long enough to pick up the piece of rebar Hailey had dropped. Pausing at the two women, Alicia slowly looked up, her eyes locking with his. Her white blond hair was pink with blood, streaking down her face, her lower lip quivering. He stared at the rebar, at the chunk of concrete still attached to the one end now stained with blood. Murdoc closed his eyes a moment, allowing his mind to wander back through the four short years of memories Alec had given them. Newborn Alec, toddler Alec, preschool Alec. Cries and laughter. Their little Alec who had brought them together as a real family, something he’d never thought he’d have. Fresh tears squeezed through his closed eyes, phantom sounds of Alec’s voice in his head. Baring his teeth, his eyes snapped open and glared at the batted woman at his feet, the rebar coming down with as much force as he could muster. He raised his arm back and brought it down again. And again. The white blond hair was red and the woman was no longer moving. He kept doing it, snarling as he did it again and again, the rebar slipping from his fingers finally and hitting the ground beside him. Screaming now as he kicked and stomped at the body until he was too exhausted to continue.
He could hear sirens in the distance. Hailey was on her feet, moving back towards where Alec lay. Eyes burning and blurry, his throat sore, he slowly turned away from the body of the woman and followed behind Hailey numbly. She dropped down onto the pavement, pulling Alec’s body into her arms, nothing more than strained whimpers escaping from her as she smoothed his wet hair from his face. Murdoc dropped down beside her, reaching a shaking hand out and folding it around Alec’s hand. So cold now. The one green eye staring back at him as Hailey’s hands moved around his face. Part of him entertained the idea that maybe Alec could see them but he knew this was a mad thought. Alec was cold and grey, the eye that looked back at him dull and lifeless, the pupil dilated. The sirens were close now, probably no more than mere moments away. Hailey was oblivious to the noises around her, focused on cradling Alec against her as she kissed his grey skin, moaning and rocking with the little body in her arms. He could feel the tears falling – unable to stop them – as he clutched the tiny little hand. Too exhausted to speak. Too exhausted to cry. Just hold onto the little body because soon that would be taken from them too.
Part II – Crime of the Century
Excerpts from People magazine, original issue date: Oct 25, 201 8
In what is probably considered the most brutal and bizarre crime of the 21st century, Murdoc Niccals (52), former Gorillaz bassist and film composer, along with his wife, Hailey Niccals (41) were found Not Guilty in the brutal double murders of Alicia Hunter and Chloe Turner. While some are celebrating their acquittal, others – including the state prosecutor – are accusing the jurors of bias and that the evidence, which includes a confession over a 911 recording, was intentionally ignored due to the sensitive nature of the crime the two victims were being accused of.
It was three years ago when Niccals and his wife were accused of torturing and killing the two women. The couple had alleged that Hunter and Turner were behind a poorly put together kidnapping scheme against the Niccals' four year old son, Alec, a crime that eventually led to the child's death. Hunter was found at an abandoned Seattle pier with the couple, dead from blunt force trauma to the head. Also found was the body of the Niccals’ four year old son, who had numerous injuries on his body, the coroner determining his cause of death to be drowning. Turner was found bound and gagged in the garage of the Niccals' vacation home, barely conscious and covered in injuries from hours of torture. She would later die in a hospital from her injuries.
As the investigation progressed, more and more questions began to arise in the wake of this bizarre and convoluted crime. Why didn't the Niccals seek help from the authorities when their child was kidnapped? What motives did Hunter and Turner have? Who actually killed the boy? As prosecutors began to dig, more questions came about. Hailey's travel documents were discovered to be well put together forgeries and soon it was discovered that there was no record of her ever leaving the country. People close to Alicia Hunter said that Hailey had simply disappeared and while there had been no evidence of foul play at the time, the police investigating her 2010 disappearance had found no evidence that she’d been planning on leaving either. She’d put a deposit on a new apartment and had narrowly escaped losing her job after an altercation with Turner, whom Hailey used to work with. It had been Hunter who had reported her missing days later. It was soon revealed that the two women – who had been best friends since childhood and room-mates for close to a decade – had gone through a massive falling out over Hailey’s involvement with Murdoc while he had been in Seattle for a concert. This falling out had led to a fight between the two women with Hailey telling several people that she was looking to move out of the apartment, hence why she’d put a deposit on a new place.
Though it was suspected that Murdoc had taken Hailey against her will and there were rumors he had brought her onto a plane heavily drugged, local police were unable to establish any crime. Hailey maintained that she left of her own accord. It wasn’t just her possible kidnapping that had the authorities looking harder at Murdoc. He was accused of kidnapping several people between 2008 and 2009 as well as possible weapons and drug running for a well known crime syndicate that Interpol had been tracking for years. Murdoc was soon finding himself now at the center of a massive world wide investigation to figure out all the events that had taken place leading up to the moments of his son's death.
It would take almost two years before the Niccals would be brought up on charges. This was due largely to the sensitive and complex nature of the crime their two victims had been accused of. A search of Alicia Hunter’s apartment revealed numerous pieces of evidence that coincided with the Niccals’ claims of stalking and harassment, which included photos taken of the couple with their son, tracking their comings and goings as well as floor-plans of their Queen Anne Hill townhouse. Hailey’s former bedroom in the apartment had been untouched for several years, left as it was since the day she had left. Interpol reports were also found in Hunter’s apartment, records showing that the agency had been tracking the couple for years. Phone records also showed that both Hunter and Turner had been in communication about the family, referring to them as rats and vermin. One of Turner’s neighbors reported seeing the two women with a little boy matching Alec’s description a day or two before the murders.
The defense team, upon reviewing all the evidence found as well as the background of the couple, outlined a careful strategy: the brutal murders were an abrupt crime of passion from two scared and grieving parents. They even took it further, using past childhood abuses as a means of justifying the overall brutality of the double murder. They were too scared to go to the police out of fear of seeing their family torn apart. The Niccals weren’t dangerous monsters. They were two loving parents who had come from horrid backgrounds and had only wanted to give their son all that they had been denied. Alec was loved and wanted and spoiled. The Niccals only wanted to give their son a normal life without ever knowing the kind of pain they had grown up with. A little rough around the edges, sure, but everyone who knew them spoke highly of them. Prosecutors painted a very different pictures of the couple. Psychologists testifying for the state labeled the couple as sociopaths. They cited statistics and reports regarding abuse victims. Murdoc had been abused by an unemployed single father and Hailey had grown up a ward of the state and had made frequent claims of physical and sexual abuse against the different homes she had been placed in. Murdoc was a delinquent who spent much of his teen years locked up in detention. Hailey had harmed others in the different homes and had even been locked up in a facility for starting a fire that killed two other children. They didn’t see the world like regular people. Nobody doubted that they loved their son, but the brutality of their attack on the two women proved just how dangerous the couple could be if crossed.
Hailey was described as a “cold and calculating” woman who spent much of her time as a loner after aging out of the foster care system. The last foster family she had, a couple whom she still remained in spotty contact with, said she was intelligent and clever, graduating high school with high marks and a scholarship to a four year school of her choice. Determined not to fall through the cracks as so many aged out foster children often do. Former co-workers and even neighbors in the apartment building she and Hunter had lived at said that Hunter had been Hailey’s only long term friend and that she kept few people close, preferring to watch everything happen around her. Polite but distant. Her former employer said she was a good employee who kept to herself and worked as part of Human Resources and payroll. It was also revealed that Hailey and one of the victims, Chloe Turner, had not only worked together but had also known each other since college, the two of them involved in a long time feud that eventually cost Turner her job in November of 2010, right before Hailey vanished.
Murdoc was described as a loud and overbearing, a man determined to rise to the top no matter the costs. Able to convince people to see things his way in order to get what he wants. Many who worked with him through the years with Gorillaz as well as his current profession as a television and film composer said that he was an excitable man with lofty ideas. Murdoc often found himself in trouble with local law enforcement for a variety of crimes through the years he’d been a part of Gorillaz before vanishing after the disastrous 2010 world tour. Many expressed surprise when he resurfaced a few years later with a spouse and child. Described as someone who tenaciously guarded his privacy and was often difficult to obtain interviews with due to the plethora of rules laid out by his lawyer. And while most would say he had a hair-pin trigger temper on him, he rarely ever got physical and relied on his ability to cut people down with his words.
Evidence exhibits became a bit of a circus when prosecutors also brought in items obtained from searches within the Niccals Seattle townhouse. Handcuffs, whips, chains and other items that almost make it appear as if they were running a torture chamber. All items obtained from their very bedroom. The judge would later throw out the evidence when it was later brought up that the couple used the items on each other, behind their closed bedroom doors. Prosecutors tried to keep the items as a focal point, citing that no normal couple would indulge in such things, but it was later thrown out, including photos of the scars, bruises and other wounds on both Hailey and Murdoc, the two admitting that they inflicted them on each other in sexual play.
Morgue photos of the two women were shown to the jury. Hunter had been bludgeoned so many times that she had to be identified through tattoos and other body markings. Turner was was battered and covered in cuts and stab wounds as well as broken bones in her face, her hands and her legs. The jury sat through a hour long slide show from the prosecution outlining the extent of the injuries on the two women, stating that the crime of passion defense that the defense was trying to use did not apply due to the extent and brutality of the two killings. The defense team countered the prosecution’s claims, wanting to show the jury morgue photos of the Niccals boy. The prosecution objected and pushed against the photos of the boy being used as evidence in favor of the parents, citing that the boy’s killing was a separate issue and there was still no proof that Turner and Hunter were responsible. The presiding judge, the honorable Diane Long, not only ruled in the defense’s favor in allowing the photos, she also allowed other pieces of evidence to be shown. Evidence that Hunter and Turner had kidnapped the boy and that Hunter had beaten the boy and killed him. A cooler had been retrieved from the bottom of Puget Sound tied down with rocks and netting, the cooler identified as belonging to Hunter. An abandoned building owned by Turner’s father had food and blankets in its basement with both Hunter’s and Turners fingerprints all over them. There was also blood in the basement, later identified as belonging to the Niccals boy. The courtroom was silent as the photographs of the boy’s beaten body were flashed across the screen. “He had broken ribs and a fractured skull,” Niccals’ lawyer Gregory Barton pointed out. “He was beaten so severely that if he’d survived, he would have been permanently disabled. This is what led them to attack to two women responsible. The prosecution insists there is no proof that the women were the ones who harmed the boy yet numerous pieces of evidence has been obtained showing that these women did indeed kidnap the Niccals boy, beat him and killed him in an effort to cover their tracks when their ransom plot fell apart. Alec Niccals was only four years old. He was an innocent little boy and he was senselessly killed by these women who are being portrayed as victims. Murdoc and Hailey aren’t sociopaths. They are no different than any other mother or father out there who would just LOVE to get their hands on someone who harmed their child."
As much as the prosecution tried, it was not enough to condemn the unconventional and bizarre couple. The coroner testified not only of the injuries found on Turner and Hunter, but also of Alec's injuries found during his autopsy, even citing post mortem bruises and bone breakage from the Niccals' frantic attempts to revive the boy after they had retrieved him from Puget Sound. Hunter was presented as an unstable and jealous former friend by the defense, her jealousy over Hailey's good fortune and family causing the woman to snap. Targeting the boy as a way to hurt them, a way to get back at a man she had felt taken away her best friend. Chloe was presented as the workplace sociopath and cut-throat, out to humiliate and destroy anyone she felt was below her. Her employment record was filled with complaints of harassment, not doing her work, antagonizing co-workers, with a great deal of the complaints between her and Hailey. Her own father, Reginald Turner, even testified that Chloe's numerous transgressions over the years would eventually lead to some form of retaliation. In an early interview with CNN, Turner expressed sympathy with the Niccals and while he does want some form of justice for the death of his daughter, understood their motives behind her death.
The Niccals also found a growing amount of supporters in their circle, many of them complete strangers who sympathized with the couple in spite of the growing legal issues they were facing outside of the murder trial itself. Parent groups and victim advocate groups donated funds for their legal fees, which were now spiraling out of control and had also been successful in pushing for them to be released on bond, even though the prosecution claimed their current immigration status made them flight risks. Their release was conditional, the judge having their passports confiscated as well as strict orders that they not leave King County without prior approval from a judge. While preparing to have some belongings brought to them from their primary residence in London, it was discovered that during the course of the investigation, Interpol had seized their London home, removing nearly everything, including their son’s possessions. The majority of their banks accounts in both the UK and the USA were frozen, leaving them only one account that was nearly empty and Hailey's own savings from when she had still been working. With dwindling incomes and nowhere to go, it was reported that the couple were staying with close friends. As part of their release, they were to attend court ordered therapy, victims’ panels and check in with a court appointed liaison so the courts were kept up to date with their activities to ensure they were complying with the conditions of their release.
Supporters cheered when the Not Guilty verdict was read, the couple only being found guilty of Obstruction and Interference with an Investigation and were sentenced to five years of probation, fines, outpatient substance abuse rehabilitation and both individual and couples therapy. Their relief short-lived as a new legal battle has risen from the chaos of their murder trial. Interpol wants Niccals on their own charges, but now it's immigration and legal red tape. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has filed in federal court to have the couple deported and Niccals handed over to Interpol but the superior court and the Niccals’ defense attorney have filed injunctions, citing that the couple are court ordered to remain stateside in order to complete the conditions laid out by the court. With the majority of their personal belongings in London seized by Interpol, the Niccals’ lawyers are currently working on a way to obtain at least the boy's baby book, which was at the London residence, along with a few of the child's more cherished keepsakes.
Part III – Pretty Piece of Flesh
Life had always been hard for Murdoc Niccals. He was accustomed to this. He’d lived in dire poverty and lived the life of a king only to lose it all and find himself back at square one. He adapted, as he always did. There wasn’t much choice in the matter anyway. You either learned ways to survive or you gave up and keeled over. He wasn’t ready to keel over just yet so reverting back to old methods of a quick buck came easily. He still had a small steady income thanks to royalties, but it wasn’t enough to really live comfortably. He kept his belongings sparse and maintained a decrepit little flat near a local bar that he fancied, but often found that even living a minimalist lifestyle stretched his income beyond its abilities. He supplemented his income with a few live shows at another bar across town and even sold plasma when the purse strings were exceptionally tight. He was still an opportunist by nature and if other methods of making a quick buck came up, he’d usually do it without hesitation. This usually involved slinging a gram or two of speed or weed. The addict in him was also indulged, though he’d learned to manage it better, able to fly high every now and again without the worry of falling headlong into the grips of addiction.
It had been eight years since he lost his son and five years since he and Hailey had escaped being imprisoned for life. Things were never the same after that, not that they’d expected it to be. Though they’d managed to find a place to live together, the strain of everything had finally taken its toll. It had taken months to get even pictures of their son from Interpol’s possession and due to a paperwork error, the rest of their belongings confiscated from the London home, which included all of their son’s possessions, had been destroyed. Alec’s blanket and plush puppy were still in a police evidence box, the local PD refusing to turn them over. Nothing left that was proof of their life together or their son’s existence. The strain finally reaching a breaking point when Hailey had gotten herself arrested for ramming a car into the side of the police station in order to take back their son’s belongings by force. She got to spend a year in county for that stunt and six months at an inpatient psychiatric facility. During her incarceration, Murdoc had moved her belongings into storage, packed his own meager belongings and simply moved out of the apartment they’d been renting. It was probably a bastard move on his part seeing that once she was released, she would have nowhere to go, but he’d grown tired of everything and everyone – her included.
They never saw each other face to face again after that. He did hear about her comings and goings through mutual friends, but even those were rare. Hailey had essentially vanished. Murdoc wondered about her from time to time, finding himself sometimes staring at the few pictures he’d kept. One picture in particular had always been hard for him to look at, taken twenty four hours before Alec had been taken from them. A snap taken by Stu of the three of them huddled together on Stu and Noodle’s sofa. Alec was in his lap, his face lit up in laughter with both Hailey and Murdoc tickling him. It sometimes didn’t even feel real anymore, realizing that he was gone. There were still nights Murdoc would awake in a panic, praying to whatever deities existed that it had all been a nightmare and they’d all be back at the London cottage. And there were still times he broke down once he realized he was indeed alone and they were gone.
He spent the next several years essentially being a loner. Withdrawing further and further from his friends and former bandmates. He still sometimes connected with Russel via the occasional phone call or video chat, but both Stu and Noodle had a good life going for them with their daughter and Murdoc didn’t feel comfortable intruding on that. Sometimes when the loneliness got the better of him, he’d find a soft pretty thing to bide his time with for a night, but it was only to satisfy his more base and primal needs. Murdoc Niccals had become the definition of washed up, his friends finding success in new ventures while he scraped what little bit of a living he could after losing it all.
Pausing at an intersection, he looked around at the faces that passed by him. Some paused long enough to get a good look at him, most likely recognizing him but not wanting to actually approach him. All the better as far as he was concerned. He was on the move and did not want to be deterred, crossing quickly before the light changed and attracting the ire of a young looking lad who had to slam on the brakes of his little sports car to avoid hitting him. He continued moving, ignoring the young man’s hurled curses. He made this trek every year. Sometimes he’d come across Stu and Noodle, other times it would be just him and the birds. It had become his ritual. A place where he could sit and be left to his thoughts.
A year ago, he’d heard whispers that Hailey had been spotted through the city. Rumors that she’d seen in areas well known for drugs and prostitution. As disturbing as this news had been, he hadn’t been surprised by it. Like him, Hailey had grown up in environments that required you to do what was necessary in order to survive. Whatever life she’d been living at that point was her business. He’d considered trying to locate her and reach out, but had decided against it because what could he say to her? He’d walked away from everything while she’d been at her most vulnerable. There was little doubt in his mind that he was the last person she’d ever want to see. Besides, if he was hearing about her then surely she’d been hearing about him too and if she’d been interested in reconnecting, she would have reached out. She didn’t so it was safe to say that they’d washed their hands of each other. Whatever they’d had was no more and there was little point stewing over it. He still had the wedding bands in his possession and they were kept with the few photos of Alec. He hadn’t been sure why he still had them. Had even considered pawning them more than once, but could never bring himself to do it. Keepsakes of a happier time, he reasoned.
Crossing the freshly cut lawn, he kept his gaze ahead of him. Though he had technically reached his destination, he still had a ways to go. He continued through, stepping carefully in some places before finally reaching a small paved path. As he continued down the path, he spotted other visitors scattered through-out the property, some sitting and some standing. He pushed forward, ignoring the stares, walking up a small hill and down the other side, spotting Stu and Noodle’s car parked down near the end of the little paved path. Only several yards away now, the marker visible even from where he was – cluttered with teddy bears and trinkets that people had left through the years to pay respects. He’d initially been confused by these offerings, not understanding how people could leave these things to pay respects to a child they’d never known. As he got closer, he spotted Stu seated on the bench that flanked the marker, his head bowed as if in prayer. Upon hearing Murdoc, he looked up and flashed a sad smile. “Wondered when I’d see ya here.”
“It’s July twenty-third, Dents,” Murdoc huffed as he approached him. “I a’ways come here on Alec’s birthday.” He paused at the front of Stu’s little car, leaning onto the hood. “He’d be twelve years old, mate. Can you believe it? Woulda been a’most grown...”
Stu smiled, rising from the bench. “I know, Muds.” He pulled Murdoc into an awkward hug before breaking away quickly and wiping at his eyes. “Still can’t believe he’s really gone ya know? It’s been eight years, mate, an’ I still cry ‘bout it. I can’t even begin t’ imagine how it feels for you.”
Murdoc said nothing, giving a curt nod in response. He circled around the marker, his gaze on the various plushies and flowers and other items left by well-wishers. He knelt down and slowly begin to move away some of the items, wanting to see the marker, wanting to see the smiling face engraved into the stone. He felt dull and discombobulated, familiar feelings whenever he stopped in to visit Alec’s grave. It solidified the reality that Alec was indeed gone and both he and Hailey had drifted apart. Still moving things around, he frowned as he shoved some of the plushies aside, feeling fresh waves of hurt wash over him as he stared at the marker. Sucking in a sharp intake of breath, he abruptly stood up and stumbled back a few steps, the familiar burn of tears blurring his vision. He blinked several times, unable to speak. His mouth was dry and there was a tightness in his chest as he stared down at the marker, unsure of his thoughts or emotions as he took in the sight in front of him. Stu let out a small sputtering sob, his long arms pulling Murdoc into another uncomfortable hug as he struggled to control himself, caught between pain and anger. He was shaking, peering though Stu’s hair at the grave. “When?” he forced out hoarsely.
“Few monfs ‘go,” Stu whispered through another sob. “Overdose dey said. Found her in a hotel. We were notified when dey found her. Woulda told ya but we had no way of contactin’ you. Hope y’ dun’ mind...we paid for a new headstone so it listed boff names.”
Murdoc slowly raised his head at the marker, approaching it slowly and kneeling down to get a better look at it. He traced his fingers across the engraving in the stone, confused at the range of emotions he was feeling in those moments. She was gone too. As much as he didn’t want to believe it, he was staring at her face and name engraved into the stone with the respective dates. Forty-six years old when she died. Died alone. He slumped back onto his rump, staring at the marker with red and wet eyes. He was alone. At least knowing she was out there somewhere entertained the occasional fantasy of reuniting one day, but seeing her name in the marker and knowing that she was six or seven feet beneath him just solidified the cold hard fact that he was now alone. He tried to remind himself that he’d lost a lot of good things through his life and that this wasn’t any different, but it was different. She was gone for good. There would never be a chance of running into her. He would never get a chance to see her face to face and tell he was sorry for bailing at her lowest point. The world was a cruel fucking place, that’s what it was. It had handed him a nightmare childhood. It had taken his son from him. It had destroyed his livelihood. It had destroyed his marriage. All alone now in a world that simply moved forward, forgetting that he, Hailey and Alec had ever existed.