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Donghyuck feels it when he wants to go practice alone at midnight, Mark insisting on coming to keep him company. When it’s 1 in the morning and Donghyuck is tiring himself out, beads of sweat rolling down his neck, the look of determination set on his face. When he looks at himself in the mirror and in the reflection he can see Mark behind him, just sitting, watching. Eyes tired and threatening to close, but he forces them open; just to see Donghyuck.
He feels it again when he gets out of the shower and finds Mark fallen asleep in his bed. His phone still in the waning grip of his fingers, Haikyuu ready to play on the TV. Donghyuck slides into bed next to him, feels Mark pull him in close, hands wrapped around his waist.
And again, when Mark kisses from his neck down to the small of his back, rubs soothing hands over his aching shoulders and lets Donghyuck fall asleep to the sound of his voice and the feel of his fingers.
It’s intense, Donghyuck thinks. The feeling that Mark gives him is enough to power an entire city. It bubbles in his stomach, travels up to his chest and wraps fully around his heart, his lungs, so tight Donghyuck thinks he’ll stop breathing. The warm glow that wraps around his body, that he can feel radiating off of Mark, it’s more than Donghyuck has ever felt about anything or anyone.
It scares him a little, how much he would do for Mark. How much he would give, just to see him happy. He knows that’s what love is. To him, at least.
“Donghyuck,” Mark waves his hand in front of the younger’s face to pull him out of whatever thought bubble he’s delved in.
“Cereal’s gonna get soggy.” He says half-mindedly, taking another bite.
Donghyuck hums, looks at Mark, looks down at his frosted flakes. They were already soggy.
The dorm is quiet, it’s still early. It’s a bright Sunday morning and everyone else is either sleeping or still in their rooms. Sun pools in through the windows, casting an orangey glow throughout the kitchen.
Mark closes his eyes, feels the warmth all over his skin. Donghyuck can't help but think he looks like a cat.
“Mark,” Donghyuck started, causing Mark to open his eyes. He quirked his eyebrows in a ready-to-listen way.
“I want you to meet my parents.”
Mark laughed a little, tilted his head in confusion.
“I’ve met your parents, Hyuck, like 3 times.” There's a small smile on his face. Fondness, Donghyuck recognizes.
“Yeah, but...” he trails off a little.
“As my boyfriend. You’ve never met them as my boyfriend.” He says quietly. Mark smiles at him, grabs his hand.
“I’d love to meet your parents.” Mark says.
It's been a few weeks. They’ve talked to Taeyong, their managers, the company, and finally had been able to convince them to let them take a weekend trip to Jeju to see Donghyuck’s family. They somehow managed to pull a trip alone, only traveling to and from with their managers.
Donghyuck was laying on Mark’s bed, watching the older boy pack some clothes into a bag.
“Do you think this is a bad idea?” Donghyuck sat up.
Mark just turned to look at him.
“Where’s this coming from?” He questioned, folding his favorite dress shirt.
“You don't have to pack that fancy, ya know.” Donghyuck mumbled back.
Mark turned, put his hand on his hip, his eyebrows wrinkling a little in the process.
“I’ve never brought a boy home,” Donghyuck sat up, his hair fell into his eyes.
“I thought you came out to them,” Mark said, lilt of curiosity in his tone.
“Yeah but, they were okay with it in theory ya know? What if they don't like it in practice?” His voice was small, eyes sad.
Mark walked to the bed, brushed his thumb across Donghyuck’s cheek, and kissed him.
“We don’t have to do this if you don't want to.”
“No! No, I want to tell them.”
“Okay.” Mark kissed him again. “And I’ll be there no matter what.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re all packed?”
Donghyuck nodded. Mark felt him shake a little.
“Do wanna sleep in here tonight? You should get some rest, we’re gonna be up early tomorrow.”
Donghyuck nodded again. “Yeah.” Mark closed his small suitcase and curled into Donghyuck’s side
“Everything’s gonna be okay.” Donghyuck heard before drifting off, the scent of Mark’s shampoo lulling him to sleep.
Most of the trip was quiet, until they got close to Donghyuck’s hometown and he was buzzing in his seat with excitement. He missed his family, his mom’s cooking, his childhood bedroom.
His mom answered the door upon arriving at his house. Mark stood slightly behind him, a bouquet of flowers clutched in his sweaty hand. (It’s a nice gesture!” Mark had said when Donghyuck eyed him in the train station gift shop.)
Donghyuck’s mother squealed, pulling him in for a hug, and eventually Mark too.
“Oh how I missed you.” She said, walking them into the house.
Mark had met his parents before, sure, but never had he been to their home. It was nice, bigger than he expected.
“These are for you.” Mark said, handing the flowers to his mom.
“That’s so sweet!” She gushed, turning to Donghyuck. “Mark’s always been so polite. You could learn something from him,” she added, waggling a joking finger at him.
Donghyuck rolled his eyes, hugged her again.
“Where’s dad?”
“Oh! Right out back in the garden. You know he was so excited you were coming home? Said he wanted to pick the vegetables fresh for dinner.”
Donghyuck motioned for Mark to follow him as he walked through the house. He found his dad where his mom said he would.
“Donghyuck, my son!” He exclaimed upon seeing them, reaching out to hug him.
Mark stood back a few feet, his heart lurching at their meeting. It was sweet how close Donghyuck was with his parents.
Donghyuck’s dad broke away and started towards Mark, arms outstretched just the same.
“I'm so glad you’re here, Mark!” He was a kind man, his face wrinkled with evidence of the way he smiled often.
“I’m so happy Donghyuck invited me, Mr. Lee.” He answered, truthfully.
The next hour was a whirlwind of getting themselves settled in Donghyuck’s room. His parents busying themselves preparing dinner.
Donghyuck’s room was a pale blue, old music posters hung on the walls, white desk in the corner. His bed was in the middle of the far wall. It was bigger than his back at the dorm.
“I love your house.” Mark said absentmindedly, looking at the stuff he had hung on the walls.
Donghyuck was sitting in his comforter, leaning back on his hands and watching Mark with a smile.
“Yeah?” He asked.
“Yeah,” Mark breathed out, walking over to the bed. Donghyuck stood, met his eyes.
“Am I the first boy you’ve ever had in your room?” Mark asked, knowing the answer.
Donghyuck swallowed, smiled, leaned up to kiss him square on the mouth.
“I’m ready to tell them.”
“Okay.” Mark’s heart thudded in his chest. He tried not to be nervous for Donghyuck. He wanted to be strong for him. He felt blood rushing in his ears. He thought of how his own parents would react. He quickly shook it away though, the thought of it making him slightly sick.
Donghyuck’s parents were almost done with the food when they walked into the kitchen.
“You boys settle in alright?” His mom asked.
“Yeah, perfect.” Donghyuck smiled. “Listen I wanna tell you guys something.”
His parents both turned around, looking at each other first, then at him.
Mark felt like he was gonna throw up.
“You know Mark, obviously, NCT’s Mark Lee.”
They nodded slowly, although Mark thought they looked like they knew what was coming next.
“Um, but,” He took a pause to calm his pounding heart. His hands were shaking, Mark noted.
“I wanna introduce you to my boyfriend, Mark Lee.”
They looked over at Mark. He didn't know what to do with himself. He just smiled.
“Yeah?” His dad said, kind of reminding Mark of the way Donghyuck spoke.
His parents were smiling, rather largely actually and Donghyuck felt his nerves wash away.
“Oh, we really hoped so!” His mom exclaimed.
Mark let out the breath of air he was holding and Donghyuck choked a laugh, but it came out more as a sob.
“We weren't sure,” his dad added. “So we didn't wanna say anything.”
Donghyuck looked over at Mark, visibly beaming.
His mom clapped her hands. “This is such good news.”
“You guys really knew?” Mark spoke before Donghyuck.
“We had our assumptions,” his dad answered, setting the table. “He was never so persistent in inviting someone over before, you know?” His mom added with a smile.
“Mom!” Donghyuck blushed.
“Come on dears, sit, eat.” She ruffled both of their heads.
Later that night, after stuffing themselves with a good homemade meal they sat together on his bed.
His parents knocked on his door, entering briefly.
“Listen, we promised your aunt we’d stop by tonight.” His mom said. “I trust you both.” She eyed them carefully before walking away. Donghyuck shuddered, visibly.
His dad lingered, watched Donghyuck’s mom walk down the hall before looking back at them. “We’ll be home at 9:30.” Mark nodded.
“Just giving you a time frame,” he added, with a wink, and Donghyuck groaned at him. His father chuckled and shut the door behind him.
Mark looked at Donghyuck’s pained expression and laughed.
“Your parents are so cool.” Mark said.
“They’re terrible.” Donghyuck answered, turning on his side to give Mark a kiss.
“They made you, so in my book, they're ranked pretty high.”
“God, you’re such a sap Mark Lee.”
“I know.” He answered, wrapping a hand around the base of the younger’s neck, fingers carding through his hair there.
“Please kiss me,”
Mark leaned in, stopped close enough to his face so Donghyuck could feel his hot breath.
“Thank you for taking me here, Hyuck.”
Donghyuck closed the gap between them, kissed him delicately and slowly. He felt all of Mark’s mouth, licked every inch, nipped at his lips until they were dark red.
Mark pulled him closer, their chests touching so intimately and that’s when Donghyuck felt it again.
The swell of his heart, how much Mark cared for him. The warmth that filled his body completely, only when he was in Mark’s presence.
Donghyuck pulled away to look at him.
“I love you, Mark.” He said, smiling, his heart threatening to burst out of his rib cage.
“You love me?” Mark answered, his eyes full of hope.
“Yeah. I love you.” Donghyuck said again.
“I love you too. So much.” Mark answered, grabbing Donghyuck’s hand and placing it over his own heart.
Donghyuck wanted to cry. Everything fit into place.
The rest of the trip went as planned, Donghyuck’s parents taking them around town and keeping them overfed. They said bittersweet goodbyes, made Mark and Donghyuck promise they’d visit again soon, and sent them off with more food to bring home to the dorm than they knew what to do with.
Dorm life was normal. Mark loved. Donghyuck loved. But lately, more prying thoughts of his parents had taken over Mark’s mind.
He’d lay awake at night with Donghyuck sleeping by his side, thinking that only in his dreams would his parents react the same way Donghyuck’s had. The Christian household he grew up in would never be as accepting.
His parents were the most wonderful people. Mark couldn't deny that he adored them. They’d supported him through everything he ever wanted. Encouraged him, even, no matter how much it took or how difficult it was for them. He didn’t come from money. He knew it wasn't easy for them. Paying for a performing arts school, sending him off to auditions. They did everything for him.
But his views were different than their traditional ones. They’d always preached about how he’d grow up well, meet a nice girl, have a beautiful family.
And he did want a family. But even as a child, he never saw a woman in his future. He wondered why he was different. Swore he’d never tell anyone. That is until he was introduced to the world of music. Saw online communities of people who were the same as him. Moving to Korea helped him grow, being surrounded mostly by people who understood him. At least his teammates.
Mark was happy with the man he’d grown into. He was comfortable with himself. But he didn't know what to expect from his parents.
Donghyuck knew this of course. He had for years. It was easy to forget the time when they’d been Just Friends.
Mark was eternally grateful that he at least understood.
The younger boy was a bit taken back though when Mark had told him he wanted to come out to them.
“You’re ready for that?” Donghyuck asked him.
“I think so. I want them to know who I am.” He tried to sound confident, but Donghyuck caught the waver in his voice.
“Well you know I’ll be here supporting you always,” Donghyuck said, leaning in to give him a kiss. “But I just wanna make sure you know you don't have to tell them about me, right?”
“But I want to…” Mark answered. Pouted.
“I know! And that’s fine if you do, but it just might be a lot in one sitting you know?”
Mark took a deep breath. Toyed with the fact that he was probably right.
“Mmhmm,” he nodded in agreement.
“You can do whatever you feel comfortable with love,” Donghyuck said, grabbing both his hands. “I just don't want you to feel pressured to tell them about us if you aren’t comfortable yet.”
“Thank you.” Mark said. “I love you. I’m gonna call them tomorrow I think.”
“Okay,” Donghyuck said, patting the back of his hair. “I love you too.”
Mark arranged a Skype call for 8 at night with his parents. It was almost noon for them, and Mark figured that would be a decent time for him to do it.
Donghyuck sat in his bed a half hour preceding the call, trying with all his might to calm Mark down.
Mark’s stomach was aching, his heart beating harder than he would imagine. Donghyuck held his hand, gave him gentle reminders that it was okay if he wound up not telling them.
The clock was about to hit eight and Donghyuck stood to give him some privacy.
“I’ll be right in my room if you need me, okay?”
Mark nodded, squeezed his hand and sighed as Donghyuck gave him a good luck kiss.
The younger smiled small before disappearing out the door.
Mark sat at his desk, laptop open in front of him and waited for the familiar note to sound.
He hesitated when it rang, taking a deep breath and clicking the answer button with shaky fingers.
His parents' happy faces showed up on screen. They beamed to see him. His heart settled a bit at the sight of them.
They exclaimed greetings, threw questions at him, caught up on his latest news.
It was after 20 minutes that his mom said, “We were surprised you wanted to call! You’ve been so busy.”
Mark laughed nervously. “Yeah, well,” he swallowed. “I actually wanted to talk to you guys about something.”
His heart was beating too fast again, his parents expecting faces looking hard at him.
“They’re not putting you in another group are they?” His dad joked.
Mark could barely fake a laugh.
“Haha, no. Um,” He thought of Donghyuck, took a deep breath.
“Well there’s this thing, about me,” he started. “I-”
“Mark?” His mom said.
“I’m gay.” He said quickly. They said nothing.
“As in...” His dad started, trailing off.
“As in I like boys.” They looked at each other.
“And I know you don't agree with that but I can't help who I am and I don't want to keep it from you anymore.” He felt tears forming in his eyes.
“I just don't,” his mom paused, “understand?”
Mark sighed, his heart wavering.
“It’s not a bad thing. You made me grow up thinking it was but it’s not. I'm proud of who I am, and who I love.” A tear rolled down his cheek.
His parents just looked at him through the screen, their eyebrows furrowed together. Mark couldn't tell if they were upset or angry or didn't recognize their son at that moment.
“Okay.” His dad said.
“Okay?” Mark said back.
“It’s okay. We want you to be happy.” Mark heaved, letting out a sob he’d been holding in. He crushed his eyes shut.
“Honey?” His mom’s voice.
“Why are you crying? Let me see you.”
He looked up at the screen, and wished he could touch them.
“I was so scared you’d hate me. Or never look at me the same.” He choked out.
“Mark. Minhyung-ah.” She spoke. “Never think that. Ever. No matter what, you are our son and we love you always. No matter what.”
“I love you too.”
“Can I ask you something?” his dad spoke.
He nodded, anxiously.
“How long have you known?”
Mark laughed a little. “Since I was 10.”
His dad stayed quiet and Mark felt himself go tense again.
“You liked girls! You dated girls!” He said, a notch above his normal tone.
“Dad,” he sighed. “None if it was real. I just tried to convince myself for so long that I was normal. And I am normal. But at the time I didn't know how to handle it.”
His dad looked puzzled for a moment. “Well I’m sorry we made you feel that way. I never wanted you to feel like you had to hide.” He looked apologetic.
“I'm really sorry, Mark. Thank you for telling us.”
Mark wanted to cry again. They were okay. He was okay. He thought of Donghyuck again. He wasn't sure though, if they were that okay with him being gay.
“So,” his mom spoke up. “You have a boyfriend? You love him?”
Mark’s face contorted wildly.
“I- what?” He spoke, voice incredulous.
“You said something about love before? Being proud of who you love?” His dad seemed to have caught it too.
Mark sat there, unsure of what to say or do.
“Can we see a picture of him?” His dad said.
“Yeah!” Mark said a little too loudly for his own liking and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Um, one sec?”
Mark stood slowly, then proceeded to run, if not sprint, down the hall to Donghyuck’s room. He barged in quickly, eyes wide, and Donghyuck sat up fast.
“Mark? Did it go okay? Are you okay?” He sounded worried.
Mark couldn't get the words out.
“You,” he pointed at him. “Come. Now.” Mark spoke.
Donghyuck didn't question him, just followed until they got to his room. When his door shut, he turned to look at him.
“Are you okay? What did your parents say?”
Mark shushed him, dragged him over to the computer and sat him down in front of it.
Donghyuck looked forward, stunned, first at Mark’s parents then at Mark.
Mark leaned in close.
“Mom, dad, this is my boyfriend.” Donghyuck just smiled.
“Donghyuck!” His mom exclaimed, her eyes lighting up.
“Hi,” Donghyuck said sheepishly.
“You- oh wow.” His dad said.
“Oh I’m so glad, Mark!” his mom added.
Donghyuck let out a sigh of relief.
“And you’re happy?” His dad asked.
“Very.” Mark beamed.
“Good. That’s all that matters.”
“We’ll let you two go now.” His mom spoke up. They said their I love you’s and goodbyes, and promises to talk again soon.
Mark shut his laptop, looked at Donghyuck.
“I love you!” he nearly screamed.
“I love you Lee Donghyuck!” Mark said again, kissing him sweetly.
Donghyuck laughed his hearty laugh, smiled into Mark’s mouth, and kissed him silly. Kissed every ‘I Love You’ he could into the flesh of his skin.
“So it went well?” Donghyuck asked.
“They were a little taken aback,” Mark started. “And I think it’ll take them a while to really understand.” He kissed Donghyuck again. “But they’re happy that I’m happy. My dad even apologized!”
“I’m so glad Mark.”
“Me too.”
“I love you.” Donghyuck whispered.
“I love you, I love you, I love you.”