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Lan Xichen was only two years older than his younger brother Wangji; but the day that the boys discovered that their mother had died, it felt as if the gap had widened.
The older boy reflexively looked to his brother in anticipation of the grief that would erupt, but Wangji’s expression never changed. His eyes were now cast in a hazy hue as if he was gazing into the distance. This made the elder brother even more concerned. Their uncle, Lan Qiren had told them the news and although excess emotions were not allowed in the Cloud Recesses, Xichen allowed a few silent tears for his mother who had seemed to be almost a half corporeal being. She was not perfect by any means but her passion for life has always shone brightly through her golden eyes. That was something the young boys had never seen in another person during their sheltered life. Even towards the end when that light began to fade, they still selfishly continued to bask in it’s fragile rays.
If Lan Qiren had caught a glimpse of the tears, he did not mention it. He was looking towards his youngest nephew who still looked as he always did, carved out of stone, silent.
“I will let you two rest. You may have the rest of the day excused from your classes.”
“Does Father know?” Lan Xichen asked quietly to the floor. When there was no audible answer, he looked up and made eye contact with his stern uncle. Lan Qiren let out a soft sigh and then nodded in affirmation before taking his leave. He obviously did not want to be questioned anymore on the subject.
Lan Xichen caught himself in a sniffle and tried desperately to contain it. So his Father was aware of the situation and decided to further abandon the boys. It felt like such a final thing that something hard settled into the base of his throat. If their mother seemed like a vapor to them, their father was altogether a ghost; but that did not mean that he had not held onto some small hope that in their hour of need, he would come to their aid. Now, they were truly alone in the world.
He stole a quick peek at his brother. He knew he would dissolve into tears if his little brother showed any signs of distress. That would be the tipping point. Wangji was always so much stronger than him. The boy had settled into his kneeling position a bit but still had not shown any indication of acknowledging the news.
“Wangji?” He called out gently and the younger boy turned slightly at the sound of his name. “Can Brother hold you like he used to? Just this once? Brother is very upset.”
“Mm.” Lan Wangji agreed and promptly sat on his lap, burrowing his head in his older brother’s shoulder a bit too tightly. Xichen clung to him, rocking them gently. And if Wangji noticed Xichen’s chest spasming with suppressed sobs, He did not mention it.
That summer was especially humid. Typically, in the mountains of Gusu it did not reach such temperatures but powers had decided to test the disciples’ restraint. It was even sweltering before the sun came up. It took every ounce of effort Lan Xichen had to don his many robes and typical hair ornaments that was expected of him. His brother was blessed to not have to abide by such formalities yet. The heat provoked him to be a bit jealous of Wangji until the boy came into the main room of the Jingshi. He let out a small giggle at the sight of him. Wangji frowned, a furrow in his little brow.
Lan Wangji’s hair had always been smooth as silk and finer than his older brother’s, so it was not prone to frizziness as Xichen’s. Although it seemed as if Wangji had inherited a bit of the trait, because his hair seemed to resemble some sort of nest for birds to rest on. Xichen laughed again.
“Brother, why are you laughing at me?” Wangji’s frown became even more prominent.
“I’m sorry, Wangji. Brother is not laughing at you. Have you not looked in the mirror this morning?”
“I just awoke. A mirror?” He became confused before he looked at himself, his face immediately going blank. Lan Xichen smiled before fetching a comb and resting on the floor.
“Do not worry!” He called out cheerfully, patting the floor in front of him. “Brother will fix it!” Wangji seemed to trust him as he obeyed and joined him on the floor.
The task had not seemed so daunting far away; but now that he was close enough to see the sheer amount of knots in his brother’s hair, he cringed sympathetically.
“How about a handsome braid for my little brother?” He suggested knowing fully well that said brother would not respond to his gentle teasing. He proceeded to take a firm hold on the hair near his scalp and work the knots out from the bottom. Xichen tried his best to be gentle but some things were unavoidable. Wangji would not make a sound at the pain but he would quickly arrange his head to alleviate it. “I’m sorry! Im sorry! You must have had a restful sleep, Wangji! So many knots, the elders would confuse you for me!”
Finally, Xichen was able to run the comb smoothly through the hair and his fingers worked quickly to section it into parts. “It is more pleasant to do your hair than my own. Sometimes I feel as if my arms will collapse trying to braid towards the back of my head. Even though mother showed me how to do the plait, it is easier when she does it herself. She is more gentle.” He realized he let his enthusiasm rule his mouth and it had run away from him. He tended to do that with Wangji; his brother was an intent listener and never seemed to mind. Uncle always minded. The boys both tensed at the nonchalant mention of their mother. Xichen hurriedly finished and smoothed the baby hairs that were threatening to break free. There was an uncomfortable pause where both of the boys did not move even though the task was done.
“... Would you like me to show you how?” Wangji turned his head to look him in the eye. His face softened.
“Mmm.”
Lan Xichen sprang into action, patiently explaining the steps with a radiant smile. He was always excited to teach his little brother something he had already learned.
Through practice and meditation, Lan Xichen had finally managed to contain his overly abundant emotions and reactions. Schooling them, but not completely eradicating them. He was still far more expressive than his brother and most of the Lan disciples which continued to exasperate his Uncle; but he learned to adapt and charm Lan Qiren out of most punishments. Today had been an exception. Some of the other teenagers had tempted him with some harmless mischief in class. Technically, and he made this point to his Uncle, he had not played an active role in the prank. He had just been the distraction while the boys slipped the grass snake under the elder’s table. He also, to his benefit, had not known that his teacher was deathly afraid of reptiles and would consequently pass out in shock. He felt a bit resentful towards the boys for not telling him that detail. Xichen would not have played such a prank if he had known. He did not wish to be mean. He just wanted to be included, and it had sounded so exciting compared to the monotony of his days.
Pouting slightly, he told himself not to be too put out with the boys because they were currently kneeling by the library with sore backs. Xichen had winced when the punishment was declared and it became even more prominent when Uncle had added that he would be dealing with his nephew in private. It would loathe him to see the heir to the clan punished in front of all the disciples for something so foolish.
So here he was, kneeling in his quarters in front of his Uncle who was truly giving him the scolding of a lifetime, no an eternity. He tried to hide his flushed face from what could only be considered yelling, if they weren't currently in Gusu.
“I can not believe you would participate in such a plan, Xichen. You are usually much more well-mannered than the boys your age.” Lan Xichen winced again.
“I am sorry, Uncle. I did not mean to cause any harm. I just wanted to have a bit of fun. I had no idea he would be so afraid, and I caught him before he could hit his head!” He protested, but he knew he could not talk his way out of this situation. Especially when the others had been punished, he could only weather the storm before his uncle cracked down on him like lightning. Xichen idly wondered at when the last time he was harshly punished.
He couldn't quite remember how old he was, but Wangji was just a toddler and their uncle had taken them into Caiyi town on business. He had seen the most beautiful toy butterfly and thought about how much his little brother would like it. He had picked it up and looked around for his uncle to ask if he could use some of his own money to buy it. His uncle and Wangji were nowhere in sight and it startled him for a minute before he spotted them around the corner. In his moment of panic, he forgot what he was going to ask and ran over as fast as his little feet could take him to his brother.
Wangji had seen the shimmer of its wings on the walk back up the mountain and reached his chubby hand out to touch it reverently.
“Pretty.” He commented gravely. Xichen had smiled brightly before his Uncle turned a stern eye towards him.
“Lan Xichen, where did you get that from?” He couldn’t understand why his Uncle seemed upset.
“On the table at the market. I got it for little brother!”
“How did you pay for it?” That caused Xichen to pause in his jaunty strides. He had forgotten! He was supposed to ask Uncle and he had forgotten! He quickly tried to explain himself.
“I looked and you weren’t there! I wanted to ask you if I could use my money and I forgot! Oh, Uncle!” He began to cry. “I’m a stealer! I stole!” Uncle seemed to be looking into the depths of his core to see if he was telling the truth. He quietly sighed.
“Xichen, you know better than to grab wares off of the tables. It might have been an accident but you have been told not to touch things without permission several times. You will be punished and tomorrow I will take you back to pay for the toy.” That seemed to quiet his cries a bit, at least he was not going to prison. “Stealing is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses as you well know. Intentional or not. The situation needs to be made right.”
The trio made their way back and when they had returned back to the Jingshi, Uncle had struck his hands with a rod. One strike on each hand. Xichen felt as if he was dying. His hands had stung so badly and he tried to tuck them under his arms to stop the pain.
“I'm sorry, Uncle!” he had wailed. Lan Qiren made a face at the sound but it quickly morphed into a unfamiliar emotion.
“We will make everything right, tomorrow. You are forgiven. No more touching things that are not yours.”
“Yes, Uncle.” He had responded miserably. Wangji had made an indiscernible sound and he turned towards the source. His little brother had dropped the butterfly, clambered onto his lap, and was reaching for his hand. The older boy reluctantly gave him what he wanted and steeled himself for the little one to poke at his pain; but instead was surprised when Wangji put the hand up to his own face and held it to his cheek, patting softly. The message was abundantly clear: This was how his big brother made him feel better so he would try too.
There was a persistent ringing in the back of his mind. It sounded angry.
“Xichen! Are you not listening to my words? I have not raised you to be so disrespectful as to not heed your elders.” The young man in question’s head snapped at the words. Now was the time to be brave and demonstrate to his Uncle that he did not mean to be so disrespectful. He was a carefree person, but he did not want to viewed as heedless.
“I apologize, Uncle. I will submit to whatever punishment you deem worthy.” He said sincerely with a deep bow.
“You certainly will. As is expected of you.” Lan Qiren moved towards the end of the room. “Lean over the table.”
Lan Xichen grimaced a bit before shuffling on his knees to obey. He had hoped against hope that he would not be struck. Although that would be quite unfair to the other boys, he was still young and not completely self-sacrificing. Preparing himself for the first strike, He was not disappointed but mildly shocked when it landed on the thick flesh of his rear instead of his vulnerable back.
He made a small noise of complaint, trying to keep himself from crying out but quickly abandoned that notion after the third hit. His pain tolerance was never something to be noted. That seemed to be an unspoken joke of the family whenever he had accidentally cut himself on a training sword or that one time when he fell from a tree and had broken his arm. Lan Xichen began to drum his feet a bit on the floor at the sting.
“Xichen, calm yourself. You will receive seven more strikes with the rod and then we will be done.” The fourth strike caused him to gasp wetly and he cursed himself. His Uncle was not being overly harsh by any means, but he was deeply affected by the compounding of his punishment and the disappointment he had seen in his guardian’s eyes.
Lan Xichen heard the door slide open but he did not move position, not wanting to disappoint his Uncle further. He heard a half-strangled voice command.
“Stop.” It was Wangji, so his head naturally rose from the table to seek the cause of his brother’s distress… Apparently, it was him.
“Lan Wangji, leave the room. I am addressing an issue with your brother that does not concern you.” Lan Qiren said exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of the nose. His brother actually looked as if he was about to disobey for the first time in his soon-to-be short life when Xichen called out placatingly.
“Wangji, Uncle is correcting me. I have broken the rules but I will be alright, see?” His comforting must have been thwarted by his wet eyes because his brother did not seem convinced. “Can he stay, Uncle? As long as he does not interfere?”
Lan Qiren heavily sighed into his hands, these boys will be the demise of him. Before he could answer, Xichen was waving his brother to him.
“Here, Brother needs you to hold his hand. It will make him feel much better.” Wangji sat at the edge of the table properly before taking his hand in a firm grip. Xichen was a little reluctant to be punished like this in front of his brother, but he knew Wangji would be distressed if he was made to leave and it could not be helped. His little brother would not think any less of him, he knew. He squeezed the hand in reassurance before telling his Uncle that he could proceed.
Lan Xichen knew Lan Wangji better than anyone else, so he could tell when his little brother was smitten. Wei Wuxian had barrelled into their calm, tranquil life like a windstorm and then left just as quickly. The Cloud Recesses almost did not feel the same once he went back to Yunmeng, and he sensed it was a great loss for Wangji. Xichen had merely pushed Wangji in Wei Wuxian’s direction, wanting his little brother to socialize with people his own age; and although the young man was careless with his actions, he seemed to understand that Wangji was a person to be sought out and understood. He had not foreseen his brother falling in love.
He could tell in the way Wangji’s eyes would light up or the way his slender fingers would clench as if restraining them from touching something fragile. Love was a surprise but not an unfortunate circumstance and Lan Xichen encouraged those feelings as subtly as he could. Wei Wuxian most assuredly felt the same about his brother, he would just take time to come to terms with it; and being as young as they were; the one thing they had was time.
He had just laid A-Yuan on the bed, giving him a soft kiss before calling in an attendant to watch the boy while he was gone. It had taken longer than usual for the excitable boy to calm down for the night, but he was such a sweet child that Lan Xichen did not mind. He made sure to bring his xiao with him as he started the long trek up the mountain. Night had just fallen and little fireflies flitting from blades of grass lit his way. He heaved a long-suffering sigh to himself. No matter what condition he found his brother in today, he resolved to smile or his heart would inevitably break. He knocked on the door of the house his little brother was confined to and did not wait for a reply.
Lan Wangji was in the same position as he was the previous day. Lan Xichen would have thought that the man had not moved except for the freshly washed teapot and teacup.
“Wangji? Are you properly caring for yourself?” No response, though that was not surprising these days. He made to go behind his little brother who stiffened in response. No longer caring about propriety after the despondence he received the last few days, he pulled the back of the man’s robes and peered down at the dressed wounds on his back. They were gruesome and the bandages had clearly not been changed since the day before. Resolution be damned. “Lan Wangji, if you do not change these bandages often they will get infected. Is that what you want?” He could not help his scolding. He was deeply concerned. It seemed as if every day his brother was drifting further from himself until he was altogether a breathing corpse.
Deciding to take action for something he could control, he began to fill the wooden tub for his brother to take a bath. Wangj looked at him with a flash of a glare. It paled in comparison to the ones he wielded in his youth. “Wangji, you will take a bath. Even if I have to wash you myself.” His brother’s eyes widened minutely at being treated like a child, but it seemed to inspire action as he slowly rose and made his way behind the privacy screen. Xichen prepared the soaps and oils before taking the stool and sitting with his back to the tub.
“Brother.” Lan Wangji murmured, barely a whisper. A protest.
“Get in.”
The sounds of the water stirring made Lan Xichen’s shoulders finally release the tension they were holding. He did not want to argue.
“Wangji, you will tend to yourself more carefully from now on.” That declaration was met with verbal silence and the soft scrubbing of a cloth on skin. “There is a boy that depends on you. He will be looking to you for guidance and strength. Do not fail him.”
Another measured silence before a soft
“He has a whole clan to raise him.”
“He does not want a clan, he wants you. He deserves you. Do not repeat the mistakes of our parents and abandon him.” Lan Xichen knew his words would cut deep but he was at a loss. His brother was fading before his eyes. He needed to be pulled back to the land of the living.
There was a sharp splash in the water and a sound that emitted from Lan Wangji’s throat. Lan Xichen barely heard it, but it was there. Taking a minute to steel himself from regretting his words, he turned around on the stool and gently coaxed his brother to let him wash his back and then his hair.
Lan Xichen put his hand up out of habit to shield his brother’s eyes from the soap as he rinsed it out. He then proceeded to tell Wangji all about what A-Yuan was learning in his classes and how much of a favorite he already was with Uncle.
“I will bring him here tomorrow so he can tell you himself.” He decided as he began to wrap fresh bandages around his brother’s torso.
“I would like that.” Came the reply and Lan Xichen was pleased. Wangji would see this trial through. He may never fully be what he once was, but Xichen supposed that none of them would be. At least his little brother would be alive.
“Come, brother. I brought Liebing. Let’s play out front a bit before I go back to my rooms.”
Music had always been the most natural and soothing language for the brothers to fully communicate in.
Lan Xichen had halfway come out of seclusion. He would now take walks along the grounds and visit his brother and Uncle; but if he took on any more responsibilities, he would become emotionally exhausted. Wangji visited him every day regardless, but his eyes betrayed how pleased he was when Xichen came to visit him and his husband.
Wei Wuxian was another matter. He could tell how much the man loved his brother, always finding an excuse to fix his hair or grasp at his fingers for attention. And he was happy for them. Powers above knew, Lan Wangji deserved that and more. His fondness for his now brother-in-law had never wavered but he was so very boisterous and loud. Xichen didn’t feel very much like smiling at Wei Wuxian’s jokes anymore; but he could appreciate that he did not treat him like glass like the others did.
He stopped at the bottom of the mountain when he heard a cackle of delight. Even this early in the morning, Wei Wuxian’s mood was not deterred. He prepared himself to be sociable enough for politeness as he heard a stern tone. He strode curiously towards the sound, the two men not noticing his presence yet.
“Wei Ying, sit still.” Wangji had Wei Wuxian in between his knees on the front porch, coaxing the knots out of his hair with a comb.
“Ooo, Lan Zhan.” His partner pouted, trying to free himself. “How can I sit still when you are ripping my hair out so nicely?”
Another knot and a howl before his little brother became exasperated.
“Wei Ying sleeps too hard. I will braid your hair before bed from now on.” At that, Wei Wuxian made another attempt to turn his head to speak.
“I didn’t know you could braid hair! My Lan Zhan is so skilled at everything he does!” The man in question grabbed his husband’s jaw gently before turning it back to the front.
“Brother taught me.” That seemed to produce a knowing silence between the two as Wangji finished the task. Once he was done, he caressed Wei Wuxian’s ear. “Hair ribbon.”
“Oh!” His partner exclaimed before bounding back into the house to fetch it.
Xichen couldn’t help but think that Wangji looked content. It made his heart ache in a strange way. His family had always been cursed. The men in their family had loved too freely, but that was not entirely true. Their ancestors had loved too selfishly. Only thinking of their feelings and staking their claims.
He had been punishing himself for being so blind as to trust Jin Guangyao and watching his brother interact with his husband made him reassess his past interactions with him. His sworn brother had said such sweet words and smiled but his actions would speak a different story. Always making noncommittal gestures.
People should not put much faith in words, Lan Xichen resolved. Wangji successfully showed his love the majority of the time without them, preferring simple touches of affirmation. He always had, ever since his youth.
“ My brother taught me.” echoed in his ears.
The brother’s love for each other had never been selfish, always reaching towards each other in reassurance and comfort; never admonishing the other's feelings but embracing them. He had unknowingly taught his brother what their ancestors had been lacking. He had taught Wangji what real love would look like without even knowing the truth himself.
“Brother, good morning.” Wangji called out. He had been spotted. Lan Xichen made his way to the front of the house. Wei Wuxian was once again sitting on the wood floor as his hair was tied up on his head. He gave a blinding smile at the Sect Leader.
“Good morning, Zewu-jun! Lan Zhan tells me that you know how to braid hair! Will you teach me?” Lan Xichen was taken aback by the request, but he produced a small smile.
“Of course, Wei Wuxian.” His brother-in-law began to chatter as he led the two men inside for breakfast. Wangji and Wei Wuxian shared a soft look before starting the meal.
Surely if his brother was this happy, he could also find a happiness of his own? Had he not raised Lan Wangji into the caring, righteous man that he was? There might still be hope for him yet. Loving too freely was never a downfall. It was being led astray by false promises, like his mother. It was not his fault, but next time he would know what to look for.
He nodded his head a bit to himself before breaking the rules and politely asking about the most recent night hunt. Wei Wuxian was eager to answer, his arms gesturing wildly about him for emphasis. The rice thankfully managed to land on the table and not on the floor. Wangji sighed a bit but otherwise said nothing. Lan Xichen saw his lips twitch up a fraction though and he was pleased.