Archive of Our Own

“For we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people, and we’ve suffered enough.” - Seventy Years Of Sleep #4

Itachi was tired. He and Kisame had just completed a mission and the man was currently dumping the bodies somewhere. He readjusted his ponytail and closed his eyes. His head hurt, this was happening more and more frequently when he used his Sharingan. He knew what was happening to him, but refused to admit it. Besides, he had a plan. He would take his own life before he let himself grow weak.

Hearing his partner emerge he opened his eyes and stood up. Kisame had been his first and only partner within the Akatsuki. They worked well together and Itachi refused to work with anyone else in the organization. Kisame was observant, most people always assumed he was the observant one of the two, and he was observant, but Kisame always seemed attuned to him.

As if proving his point the man spoke, voice deep. “You look tired. Let’s go get a room.”

He was exhausted, but he didn’t like slowing them down. He didn’t want to be the reason they weren’t on schedule. He could push through for a few more hours.

“No. I’m fine. Let’s keep moving.”

“It’s not worth killing ourselves to get there early. It’s a week's journey, let’s just rest.”

“I said, I’m fine.” Itachi could feel the man’s eyes on him. He didn’t dare look at him for fear he would see the desire to rest in his eyes.

“Whatever.”

Itachi let out a breath as the man began to walk away from him down the path. He slowly followed behind him. Kisame’s pace was slow and it angered Itachi because he knew he was only doing it for his benefit.

Kisame was like that, he was considerate and kind. Again, Itachi wondered about the man’s history and what led him to join the Akatsuki. It’s not like he would ever ask. He doubted Kisame would tell either. Kisame was loud, and the life of the party, but he never delved into his personal life. It was Kisame that taught him to be strong. The man had seen him at one of his weakest moments and he showed him compassion.

He was 15 years old and had been wandering since he just killed his entire clan, save for his little brother. He was an outlaw, he found the Akatsuki leaders and offered his loyalty. He was quickly brought to a safe house and that was where he met everyone. Sasori was quiet and thoughtful, Hidan was loud and brash, Kakuzu was easily annoyed but quiet enough. Deidara was…interesting. He was the one that took the most interest in him, much to Itachi’s dismay.

And then there was Kisame.

He was quiet as he met everyone nodding to them as they all introduced themselves, face devoid of emotion. When his eyes got to Kisame, he paused as he took the man in.

He had gills on his face and arms, and eyes that resembled sharks. He was incredibly tall and big, especially compared to Itachi’s teenage frame. It was slightly off putting, but also very intriguing.

“Aw look, even the new kid can’t stand your face.” Hidan joked. Itachi watched as everyone in the room laughed at the idiotic joke.

Kisame looked indifferent, almost as if he were used to. It made Itachi angry, not because he thought the man was ugly, which he didn’t, but because he had dropped his composure slightly.

He waited for the laughter to subside before speaking. “Where do I sleep?”

“You can sleep with me if you’d like.” The blond, Deidara, spoke up with a leer.

Itachi stayed silent, making sure his face gave away nothing. He did not have any desire to sleep with him, or anyone for that matter. Maybe he shouldn’t have come here.

“C’mon.” Kisame stood up. “I’ll show you the place.”

Itachi followed the taller man. He could hear someone joking about how it was no fair that Kisame got all the attractive partners.

Kisame showed him to the bedroom that would be his, and the bathroom across the hall. Continuing down the hall, Kisame showed him everyone’s room and explained to him how all of the safe houses were the same set up for the most part. He took him to the kitchen, showed him the library and the gym.

“It’s not much, but it’s home. At least when we’re not on the road. It’s rare that we’re all here together, but it does happen occasionally. The leaders are coming tomorrow to dole out assignments. Do you have any questions?”

Itachi shook his head no. Kisame was staring at him expectantly as if waiting for him to say something. Itachi just stood still under his gaze.

“How old are you, kid?"

“15”

“How did you even get involved in this group?”

“How did you?” He countered back.

“Touché”

“Are you my partner?”

“Yes, we go everywhere in pairs for safety.”

Itachi just nodded, not knowing what else to say. He wondered how old the man was, surely he wasn’t that much older than him. He was curious but didn’t want to ask too many questions. Although, the man had asked him.

“How old are you?”

“21”

Itachi nodded. He figured the man wasn’t that much older even though he looked it.

“Well, I’ll let you rest. I’ll see you for dinner.” Then he left.

Itachi watched him head back into the living room before going into his own bedroom. He wanted to shower. He checked in the closet and was surprised to see that it was fully stocked. I mean it was nothing but the Akatsuki robes, but still.

He went and took a quick shower and then went down the back stairs, he could still hear the voices in the living room. The back stairs took him to the kitchen and he went out the door. There was a lake out behind the house and he went there. The still water was soothing to see, he could hear nothing but the sounds of nature. He released his Sharingan while he sat out there.

He could look devoid of emotions as much as he wanted, but he wasn’t dysfunctional, he could feel. And he did feel. He felt a lot. He tried not to think about the cruel words he’d said, the pain he’d caused. He’d tried to make it all as painless as possible for his family. His heart hurt. It began to hammer in his chest, it was becoming more and more difficult to breathe. He didn’t know what was happening to him, but he was getting warm all over. He was frightened, it was like he had no control over his own body.

Someone grabbed his face. They were forcing him to look at them. Kisame.

“Kid, you’re having a panic attack.”

Kisame grabbed Itachi’s hand and placed it on his heart. “Do you feel my heartbeat? I want you to match your breathing to my heartbeat.”

Itachi distantly felt the steady thump of the man’s heart. He did what he was told, breathing in and out until he was finally able to breathe normally. He was stunned to find that he had tears on his face and beads of sweat on his neck. He could feel his face heat up with shame.

“Are you okay?”

Itachi nodded, too afraid to speak. He tried to regain his composure.

“I’ve had a couple of those myself. It’s not fun. Look, I know this can be a lot and you’re so young. I don’t know much about you, but I’ll tell you this: try to find an outlet. Something that grounds you and can keep you sane.”

Itachi still said nothing. Kisame had said that he had panic attacks, he wondered what haunted him.

“I just wanted to tell you dinner is ready. You should get yourself composed before you come in. It can be dangerous to show weakness around here.”

“I…thank you.”

“No need to thank me. We all have demons.”

Itachi was no longer the hurt teenager, he was now 21 and was much more controlled. When he had gone back inside Kisame had acted as if nothing had happened and he was grateful for it.

They had been walking for a few hours in silence when Kisame finally spoke.

“We’re coming near a town and we’re going to stop there for the night.” There was a note of finality in his voice.

Itachi rolled his eyes and was glad the man couldn’t see him. Kisame was too kind for his own good. He noticed the man was holding on to his arm.

“Are you hurt?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Stop, let me look at it.”

“I said, it’s nothing.”

“You’re being stupid. Let me help you.”

The man finally stopped walking. Itachi walked up and grabbed the man’s arm. He’d been cut. It wasn’t too deep. He’d be fine, but Itachi hadn’t studied ninjutsu for nothing. He quickly healed the man’s arm.

“Are you satisfied?” Kisame asked in amusement.

Itachi chose to ignore him. He knew the man would have been fine, but it seemed stupid to let him just walk around in pain.

The two of them continued their trek into the village. They decided to stay in this inn with a tavern down below. The room had two beds, so Itachi took the one closest to the door. After the two of them had showered, they went downstairs to eat.

“I hate places like this,” Itachi said as he took a sip of his drink.

"You hate everywhere,” Kisame said with a smile.

“That’s not true.”

“Oh yeah? Name one place you enjoy going to.”

Itachi stared off into the distance as he thought. “I liked that one cabin.”

“The cabin we were forced to stay in as we waited out the rain? It was in the middle of the woods.”

Itachi just shrugged. “I enjoyed it.”

“You really hate people?”

“You say that like it’s odd.”

“It is for me. I’ve never met a beautiful person that didn’t like the world. The world tends to be kinder to beautiful people.” Kisame just shrugged unaware of the effect the statement had on the younger man.

Itachi was not unused to people calling him attractive. Everywhere he traveled people commented on his beauty. It was something he usually hated. He ignores the catcalls and the comments. But, hearing Kisame say it was different. He didn’t say it with an ulterior motive. Instead, he called him beautiful like it was his name. Just a simple fact. It made him feel things.

He was glad, the man was busy. He wasn’t sure what his face would give away. That was another thing about Kisame. Even when Itachi was at his most composed, Kisame could see him.

Kisame was staring at a man at the bar. Itachi followed his line of sight and a frown graced his face. The man was beautiful. He was tall, taller than Itachi, and slim. He had cheekbones that could cut glass. His hair was long and tied back in a braid, with a few tendrils falling into his face. Itachi sighed to himself, the man was not his type but even he couldn’t deny his beauty.

The man had noticed them, or rather he noticed Kisame. Itachi watched as the two of them smiled at each other.

“Kisame, what time should we leave tomorrow?” Itachi knew it was selfish, but he wanted to have the older man’s attention on him again. Even if it was fleeting.

“Early, we’ll have a long day tomorrow. You should get some sleep.” Kisame glanced at him before turning back to the man at the bar.

“As should you,” Itachi said pointedly.

Kisame smiled. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get some sleep, besides remember what I told you? Find an outlet.”

At that Kisame stood up. “Don’t wait up.”

Itachi watched as he walked over to the man at the bar. The man handed him a drink and touched his shoulder. Tearing his eyes away, he looked at his now empty plate. He had no desire to be here and watch Kisame flirt.

Before he could stand, a man walked over to him and sat down. “Well, isn’t this just my luck.”

The man smelled foul, he was clearly drunk. He reached out and touched Itachi’s thigh giving it a squeeze. “Wanna get out of here?”

“You really should let my thigh go,” Itachi warned the man, voice low.

“Ooh, I like it when they play rough.” The man slid his hand up. In one swift motion Itachi grabbed the kunai he kept hidden and placed it at the man’s throat.

“Let me go. Or else.”

The man quickly stumbled back. “Jeez, I’m leaving. Not worth it anyway, you can go fuck yourself.”

Itachi closed his eyes and counted to ten trying to calm himself. When he opened his eyes, he saw Kisame staring at him.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m leaving.”

“Let me walk you back.”

“I’m just going upstairs. I’ll be fine. You know I can take care of myself.”

“That I do,” Kisame smiled, “I’m sure you made that man shit himself.”

“Hn.”

“Try not to get in any more trouble between here and the bedroom. If you can manage that.”

Itachi stared up at him, he opened his mouth to say something but then the man from the bar walked up to them.

“Is everything alright?” He asked in a lilting voice.

“Yes, everything is fine.” Kisame turned to him and smiled.

“Are you ready then?”

Itachi stood up and left the table. He didn’t want to be anywhere near the two men. Walking up the stairs he went into the bedroom and shut the door. He leaned back against it. He wanted to scream in frustration. As much as he was loathed to admit it, he hated this part of their travels. He hated that Kisame went and found someone new most nights. It angered him, not because of what he was doing, but because Kisame was not with him.

Itachi for all of his emotionless moments had a secret. A few of them, really, but one of them involved the man downstairs.

Kisame fascinated him. He always had. Ever since that day at the lake, when he had shown him kindness.

The man was kind, gentle, and he just always seemed to understand Itachi. Itachi knew he was different and was difficult to be around at times, but Kisame never seemed frustrated or annoyed. If anything, he seemed to enjoy Itachi’s company. Itachi knew the man would never feel the same way about him, he sometimes thought that the man still thought of him as the 15-year-old boy that had a panic attack all those years ago.

It was pointless, pining after him was pointless. He wouldn’t be able to give the man what he wanted anyway. And It’s not like he deserved happiness or love. He was a monster and this was his curse, to desire a man that would never feel the same.

Kisame crawled out of the man’s bed. He scrambled to find his clothes on the floor and quickly put them on. He grabbed samehada and placed the sword on his back. He opened the man’s door prepared to leave when a voice stopped him.

“You should tell him how you feel. You may be surprised.”

Kisame paused, he wanted to walk out the door but was too curious to move.

“I saw how quickly you went to his aid when you thought he needed help.” The man in bed sat up. “I also saw the expression on his face when you came to talk to me.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, he never shows emotions. Somehow I doubt he did earlier.”

The man in the bed shrugged. “Believe me or don’t. It’s your life. But, do tell me if you’re ever back in town. This was quite fun.”

Recognizing the dismissal for what it was, Kisame left. He walked out into the night sky and stared up at the stars as he tried to clear his head. The man’s words were still echoing in his head. I saw the expression on his face when you came to talk to me. He shook his head, no. There was no way the man knew what he was talking about. He had only seen Itachi drop his mask once, and he was a child then.

Now, Itachi was a man. He was beautiful and deadly. They worked well together, but he knew it would be nothing more than that. Besides, he was fine with that.

Kisame took a breath and walked to the inn, where he and Itachi were staying. He gently opened the door and tip-toed in trying to not wake the man. Itachi was on his side, quietly sleeping. His hair was sprawled on the pillow. When he was like this he seemed so young and innocent. Kisame could almost imagine the two of them somewhere else, not on the run killing people. He sighed and went to his bed, quickly stripping out of his clothes he got in bed. It didn’t take long before he drifted off to sleep.

He awoke with a groan as the alarm clock went off. He threw a pillow over his head as if that would help stop the sleep from seeping away.

He opened one eye and the light swarmed in. He instantly shut it. He could hear Itachi moving around. He opened his eyes again, this time prepared for the onslaught of light. As his eyes adjusted they settled on Itachi. The man was walking around without a shirt as he continued with his morning routine.

“How are you such a morning person?”

“You would be too if you went to bed at a reasonable time,” Itachi said not turning toward him as he made the bed.

“Why are we getting out of bed this early?”

“The leaders want us all to be there by next Monday, meaning we need to stay on schedule.”

“Hm.” He watched as Itachi put on his shirt and then his necklace. Then Itachi turned to him.

Itachi said nothing, but he could tell the man was annoyed. Not wanting to deal with an angry Itachi, he stood up and began to get ready.

After quickly getting dressed, he and Itachi left to go to the tavern and get breakfast before heading out. He watched Itachi as the man picked at his plate and smiled to himself, Itachi was such a picky eater. He gave the man his fruit because he knew the man preferred fruit to all the meat he was given.

Itachi looked up at him with a slight raise in his eyebrow. Kisame watched as Itachi’s lip lifted almost imperceptibly into a small smile. It caused a real smile to appear on Kisame’s face. They continued to eat their breakfast in silence.

After they finished eating, the two of them stood up and left out of the inn to begin their journey. They were quiet for a while before Itachi broke the silence.

“We may have to pass through Kiri on our way to the rendezvous point,” Itachi said simply.

“Yeah, I figured.”

“We should be able to avoid the major roads and I think there should be an inn we can stay in without too much trouble.”

“Hm.”

“Kisame, may I ask you a question?”

“Yes?” Kisame was curious, and Itachi’s voice was filled with hesitation and doubt.

“Is sex your outlet?”

Kisame raised an eyebrow. What was he thinking? Itachi always had a method to his madness, it was what made him so calculating and dangerous. He was always multiple steps ahead.

“Hm, I suppose it is for now.”

“For now?” Itachi raised an eyebrow but was still not looking at him.

“Yes, for now. I’ve had many outlets over the years.”

“What if sex was out of the equation?”

“Why would sex be out of the equation?” Kisame turned to the man, but per usual his expression was blank.

“Humor me.”

“Like I said, I’ve had many outlets. I’ll find another one.”

Itachi nodded and then said nothing. Kisame waited for him to speak again, but it seemed the man was finished talking. What an odd conversation, but Kisame was used to Itachi’s strange antics by now. He often wondered what went on in that man’s mind.

Although, now he was curious.

“Itachi, what is your outlet?”

“I don’t have one.”

Kisame laughed. “Of course you do, we all do. C’mon what’s yours?”

“I told you, I really don’t.”

“Seriously?” Kisame wasn’t one to judge but if Kakashi really didn’t have some type of outlet then that was kind of concerning. The work they did was tough and they needed to have something.

“I’m serious.”

“Hm.” Kisame wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Does that upset you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Itachi seemed truly curious, he turned to look at Kisame as they walked.

“I told you to find an outlet, it’s not healthy to not have one.”

“What about our lifestyle is healthy?” Itachi said with an exasperated expression.

“This is serious, Itachi.”

“Why are you so concerned with my health?”

“Because I care about you, Itachi.”

Itachi stopped altogether, “You do?” He looked up at Kisame and Kisame noticed the emotion in his eyes. His Sharingan was deactivated, something that didn’t happen often.

Kisame could only stare into his eyes, those beautiful onyx eyes. He would never tire of seeing them. He understood why he kept his Sharingan activated, but he wished it wasn’t so. He wanted to imagine a world where Itachi could keep his Sharingan inactive and the two of them didn’t have to kill, they could just live. It was his favorite daydream.

He realized Itachi was probably waiting for him to respond. “Of course, I care about you. You’re my partner.”

He watched Itachi’s eyes darken at his words. Then he reactivated the Sharingan, and walked away. Kisame was adept at reading Itachi at this point. Itachi didn’t like that response, but he couldn’t think as to why the man would be angered by that.

They made light conversation the rest of the way until they came upon the next town. It was mostly Kisame trying to get Itachi out of the bad mood he mistakenly put him in.

Kisame noticed, there were a lot of people staring at them, or rather him. He hated this town, he usually never stayed here but they had to continue on course or else they’d fall behind. He followed Itachi into the inn, ignoring the stares. He had to duck in order to walk in through the door.

All eyes turned to him when he walked in. He could almost feel the derision as he entered. This town was full of people that didn’t like people like him. The Hoshigaki clan did not have the best reputation around these parts. They were widely discriminated against because of some old feud or another. Something about one of their women choosing to leave her family for love with one of his great great something. The town had been prejudice to his class ever since. He wasn’t sure the exact story, but he did know he shouldn’t have come here.

He followed Itachi as he walked up to the desk. “We’d like two rooms, or one room and two beds.”

The man at the desk rakes his eyes over Itachi before narrowing his eyes in disgust at Kisame. “I can get you a room, but I can’t do anything for your…friend.” He basically spat the last word.

Kisame wanted to roll his eyes, he knew it would be useless to fight. Plus, he was outnumbered. He knew between the two of them they could easily take them out, but they were under strict orders not to draw too much attention to themselves. He figured burning down a village would be the exact opposite of not drawing attention.

Itachi only raised one eyebrow at the man’s statement.

“Is that so? May I ask why you refuse to serve my friend?”

“We don’t help his kind here. Of course, he can stay out in the stable if he wants.”

Kisame growled. “Fuck it. Itachi, let’s just leave.”

“I’ve never known you to be one to back down that easily.”

“Itachi, I’ve had to deal with these ignorant assholes my entire life. I’m used to it, let’s go.”

Itachi turned to him, expression blank. “No.”

Then, turning back to the man in front of him, Itachi leaned close to the man. Sharingan spinning. “I suggest you give us a room now because I don’t think you’re going to like what happens next if you don’t. This is your only warning.”

The man looked terrified, Kisame almost felt sorry for him. He wasn’t sure if Itachi had already put him in a genjutsu, but if not it was surely coming. Then the man started screaming, which of course led to chaos.

People came from everywhere ready to attack. Kisame took samehade off his back putting himself in the stance ready to wield the sword. Suddenly, the man stopped screaming. He had tears rolling down his eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak before promptly passing out. Itachi hadn’t lifted a finger. He turned to the crowd of people that had gathered, armed, and ready to fight.

“I suggest all of you put away your weapons and get us a room.”

One man walked forward, face set in a hard line. He walked right up to the two of them. A bold move thought Kisame. Stupid, but bold.

“We told you, his kind is not welcome here. Now you either get a room for one, or you leave. The choice is yours.”

“Hm. It seems this town is full of nothing but prejudiced idiots.” He watched as Itachi began doing the hand signs for a jutsu Kisame had seen him do a hundred times before. The infamous Uchiha fireball jutsu. The man let out a massive fireball and the people in the town began to run for cover as they tried to escape the flames.

“Fine! We’ll get you both a room!” The man that had spoken last raised his hands in surrender as he surveyed the mess Itachi had just made.

“Actually,” Itachi began, “I think we’ll find housing elsewhere. I have no desire to give money to the likes of you.”

Kisame watched as everyone parted for them to leave. When they were outside Kisame pounced.

“Itachi, what the hell?”

“Hm?” The man lifted his eyebrows expression neutral.

“That was the complete opposite of not calling attention to ourselves. Why did you do that?”

“They’re prejudiced and I didn’t like that.”

“You didn’t like that? Okay, Itachi now where are we going to sleep? This isn’t like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You never let your emotions get the best of you like that. That was not smart at all. It was the action of a genin, and you’re supposed to be a genius.”

Itachi turned to him, expression hard. “We can sleep in the stable. It’s not the first time we’ve roughed it.”

Kisame ignored the attitude coming from the younger man. “Fine, I’m going into town for a little bit.”

“Why? So you can find someone to take to bed?”

Kisame raised his eyebrows at that. “Excuse me?”

Itachi seemed to deflate as he realized what he said. “Nothing. I’ll go get food.”

“Hm. Well, for your information I was going to get us food, not find someone to take to bed. Jeez, Itachi. Do you think that’s all I care about?”

“Well, it is your outlet.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to do it all the time.”

“Oh.”

Kisame looked at Itachi, sometimes it was hard for him to remember the man could also be fragile, that he had emotions. Itachi was so good at hiding them, but one could only be tough for so long before they cracked. Kisame wouldn’t say he saw Itachi’s composure crack often, but it was not the first time it happened.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. I actually really appreciate what you did.”

“You do?”

“I do. I think it may be the first time someone has ever defended my honor.” He smiled at the man.

Itachi rolled his eyes at him, but he did give him that rare small smile that always seemed to cause Kisame’s heartbeat to increase.

“I think I’ll go get the food, I’ll be back.”

Before Kisame could object Itachi had started walking back the direction they came in. He decided he would go and check out the stable. He laughed at the situation, Itachi almost set a village on fire just for them to still end up sleeping in the stables.

Itachi groaned as he walked. He was so stupid. Kisame was right, he hadn’t been thinking. He was angry and so he had just reacted. It angered him that these people were so prejudiced, it also angered him that Kisame had been mistreated because of something out of his control, and would probably continue to be mistreated because of that. If Kisame hadn’t been there, he may have burned the entire village to the ground.

Kisame didn’t seem too upset which was good, but there was still the problem that for some reason during this trip he was struggling to control his emotions. At this rate, Kisame would probably know his feelings within the hour.

He sighed, he just had to get through this week and then he would have time to regroup. It would be better when he was with everyone and not just him. He quickly paid for food for them and bought them some dango. It was a favorite of both of theirs.

It didn’t take him long to find the stables. Kisame it seemed had made himself comfortable. The man was lounging on bales of hay he had put together in order to create a make-shift bed. The roof had an opening so when night fell they would have a perfect view of the stars.

He handed Kisame his food and they ate in relative silence. There wasn’t any light in the stable, the moon was the only source of light.

“It’s so dark in here, I can barely see anything,” Kisame complained.

“Hm, it is. I suppose it’s not so bad considering.”

“Considering what exactly?”

Itachi shrugged, then remembered the man couldn’t see him.

“At least it’s only temporary.”

“That’s true. I couldn’t imagine what I would do without my sight.”

Itachi didn’t say anything. What could he say? His sight was diminishing more and more each day. He knew it wasn’t long before he was completely bound. The thought saddened him more than he’d like to think. Itachi wasn’t sure why but for some reason he wanted to tell Kisame. He wanted comfort. It was stupid, Kisame had been the first one to tell him not to show weakness but here he was, about to bare his entire soul for the possibility of comfort he may not receive.

“Kisame, I want to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

Itachi took a deep breath, “How familiar are you with the mangekyo sharingan?”

“Honestly, not really. I know it’s powerful as fuck and I don’t want to ever be on the other side of it.”

Itachi smiled at that, “Yes, that is true. However, with everything, there is good and bad. The power comes at a cost, and that cost is, unfortunately, my vision.”

Itachi could hear Kisame’s gasp. The darkness causing his other senses to heighten. “You’re telling me you’re blind?”

“Not yet,” Itachi whispered, “But, it’s coming. I can feel my vision fading each day.”

“Oh, Itachi,” Kisame said his voice full of concern. Before he could even fathom what was happening he felt himself being pulled closer to Kisame. The man had his arm wrapped around Itachi. Itachi froze before he realized it was a hug.

The last time he had been hugged was by his mother, years ago. He let the man hug him for a second before he slowly leaned into the warmth. Itachi was glad they were in darkness, he could feel the warmth spreading through his body. He slowly wrapped his arms around Kisame. The man was so big, Itachi felt so small in his arms. But, he also felt safe. He closed his eyes, this was the comfort he had been missing. Kisame slowly retracted and moved back from Itachi.

Itachi grabbed his arm, the darkness making him bold. “It’s..warm. You don’t have to move. I mean unless you want to.”

“No, I’m pretty warm too.” Kisame chuckled.

Itachi readjusted his body so his back was resting against Kisame’s chest. The man’s arm around his waist. Itachi didn’t know why he didn’t let the man separate from him. Yet again, he was glad for the darkness. He could feel Kisame’s steady heartbeat against his back and wondered what the man thought of the intimate position they found themselves in. If he was as phased by it as Itachi was.

“Are you scared?” Kisame asked him. His voice was near Itachi’s ear, Itachi had to resist the urge to shiver.

He had to think about it. Was he scared? He wasn’t scared as much he was apprehensive for the future.

“No, I’m not scared. I just don’t know what my future will entail.”

“Hm. Tell me something Itachi. What do you want your future to entail?”

You. “That’s dangerous Kisame.” He said instead.

“What do you mean?”

“People like us, we don’t get to have dreams and hope for the future.”

“Everyone can have dreams, Itachi.”

“I guess my dream would be to not be tied down to anything. To not owe anyone anything. Instead, I would like to leave in peace.”

“That’s nice.”

“What about you?”

“Similar to you, I guess. I want a simple life. I’ll tell you a secret, I would be satisfied never picking up a Samehade again.”

Itachi was surprised. “Really?”

“Yes, I don’t like violence. It’s always been a means to an end, but not something I take pleasure in. Do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

Itachi had to admit, it was nice to just sit here with the man. It was better than he could imagine actually. He dreaded thinking about tomorrow when they would leave this stable. It reminded him of the time at the cabin in the woods. They had stayed there for two days of their now volition, and the rain forced them there for the third night. Kisame had thought he was crazy for loving it, but he did. It was everything he wanted, they were secluded. They had to hunt for their own, food but it was near a water source. They had to stay out of the storm, and so they kept a fire going. There was a moderate library in the cabin and the two of them had found some books and read in front of the fire to pass the time.

It was one of the first times Itachi had been content in a long while.

“Kisame, tell me something about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything. Tell me something no one knows about you.”

“Something no one knows, huh?” Kisame began, “A long time you asked me how I ended up in an organization like this. Do you remember that?”

Itachi nodded, “Yes.”

“Well, I was actually engaged before this.”

“Really?” Itachi was shocked. The man was loyal, but he wasn’t sure he could imagine the man in love. He also ignored the tightness in his chest at the thought of Kisame having affection for someone else.

“Yes, really. Don’t sound so shocked.” Kisame laughed. “I did, I was in love. He asked me to marry him and we were to be married. But, he was attacked out on a mission. It was supposed to be a simple delivery mission, but something went wrong and he was killed as a result. I went and hunted the person down that did it. I was on a mission at the time and it went against my orders but I disobeyed. I needed to find the person that did that. After that, I was considered a missing-nin and I’ve been on the run ever since. Eventually, I joined up with the Akatsuki, and well, you know the rest.”

At some point during the story, Kisame had started playing with his hair. It felt amazing.

“Do you still love him?” He whispered to the man.

“I think I’ll always love him, but this was years ago. I’m a different person. He probably wouldn’t even recognize me now.”

“Hm.”

“What about you Itachi? Have you ever been in love? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you show interest in anyone.”

“No. I’ve never been in love.”

“That makes sense, you don’t seem the type to let people get close to you.”

“No, it’s not that.” Itachi paused, why was he doing this? He couldn’t stop though, being around Kisame like this was doing things to him. He was saying so much. Too much.

“I’m asexual.”

There, he’d said it. He tensed up, waiting for the backlash. Waiting for Kisame to treat him like every other man had when he’d told them his truth.

“Hm. That makes sense actually.”

“It…does?”

“Yes, you often tense up when anyone makes any sexual comment toward you.”

“Does it bother you?”

“No, of course not. Why would it?”

Itachi closed his eyes and sighed. Of course, Kisame wouldn’t care. It’s not as if he was contemplating dating him. Itachi found himself getting frustrated. He no longer wanted to have the man’s arms around him, didn’t want to soak up his warmth.

He realized he was silently asking for something, the man was not aware of. It was starting to become painful.

“No reason.” He slid out of the man’s arms. “We should get some sleep.”

He was glad he couldn’t see the man’s face. He turned his back to the man and closed his eyes. He tried to suppress his shivers, it was a chilly night. Itachi hadn’t realized when he’d been wrapped in Kisame’s arms. He could hear the man moving around him.

“Itachi, talk to me.”

“About?"

“What is bothering you.”

“What makes you think something is bothering me?”

“You know, Itachi you’re very emotional for a person that shows no emotions.”

“Hn.”

“So, will you tell me why you’re upset?”

“No.” Itachi knew he sounded like a child right now, but he didn’t want to think about it.

“Why not?”

“Kisame, we need to sleep. Why do you care so much?”

“Why did you stay in my arms?”

Itachi sat up. “What?”

“I know you heard me, your hearing is just fine.”

Itachi didn’t want to do this with him. It was stupid, he shouldn’t confess. It would do more harm than good.

“Itachi?” He could hear Kisame call his name but he ignored the man. His mind was having an intense battle over what to do next. He usually was steps ahead of the game, but when it came to Kisame he could barely keep up. The man perplexed him, he never knew what to expect.

“Itachi?” Kisame tried again.

Suddenly, he felt the man’s warm hand on his chin. It was slightly rough against his smooth skin.

“Itachi, I want you to stop me if I make you uncomfortable. But, I’d really like to kiss you and I’d like your permission.”

Itachi’s heartbeat sped up at the admission. He gave a slight nod of his head before he remembered the man couldn’t see but before he could speak Kisame’s lips were on his.

His lips were rough, but Itachi didn’t mind. He leaned in closer to the man to deepen the kiss. This was perfection. He broke apart from Kisame.

“Can you see in the dark?”

Kisame laughed. “I may have slightly better than average vision in the dark.”

“So, you could see me?”

“If by see you, you mean your little blushes and the adorable way you would bite your lip before you asked me a personal question, then yes.”

“I’m going to tell you something, Itachi. I like you, I think you’re beautiful but you hear that all the time. I also like that you’re loyal and smart. I like how even though we’re forced into this world of darkness you still try to do good in small ways. I like the way your face lights up when you get Dango, and how you stay up late into the night reading books when we’re not off on missions. I also like the look of concentration on your face when you’re sparring or attempting to cook.”

“I’m a great cook,” Itachi argued.

“You’re not the worst, I guess. I also love this.” Kisame tugged on his hair.  “I love it when you show me this side of you. The side of you that others do not get to see.”

“It’s because I trust you,” Itachi said simply.

“I’m glad."

“Kisame..are you sure?”

“Sure about what? You?”

“Yes, I mean…you love sex. It’s your outlet.”

Kisame grabbed him then, he pulled him close so that Itachi was mostly on his lap. Itachi wanted to laugh, not 30 minutes ago he was glad for the cover of darkness and now he wanted nothing more than to be able to see the man’s face. Words were one thing, but the eyes didn’t lie. He felt almost vulnerable. The dark thought entered his mind that he may as well get used to this, in less than a year it would be his reality.

“I like sex, but I would go my entire life never having it again if it meant I could have you.”

“Kisame, you don’t mean that. You don’t know what this would entail.”

“Itachi, you’re probably the smartest person I’ve ever met but you do not know everything. You can’t tell me how I can feel. Stop trying to talk me out of this.”

“It’s not smart. None of this is smart. We live dangerous lives in a dangerous world.”

“Then I guess we better grab all the happiness we can.”

Itachi shook his head, Kisame was too much of an optimist. He didn’t understand.

“Kisame, I’m…a mess. I’m an asexual man that will be blind by the year's end. Is that really what you want?”

“Yes,” Kisame responded simply. His grip tightened around Itachi. Itachi wanted to lean in. He wanted to believe him, but it still seemed surreal.

“I can’t satisfy you…in that way and soon I’ll be a useless partner.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You could never be useless. You’re so capable, you’d adapt. You’d do things differently,  and sure it would be hard for a while but you’d manage. Look Itachi, we can think of reasons all day long about why this…us would be a bad idea. But, I’m not going to think of any of those. We deserve to find some happiness, everyone does. Even monsters.”

“You’re not a monster.”

Kisame laughed without humor. “Clearly your vision is deteriorating faster than I expected if you don’t think I’m a monster.”

Itachi had a flashback to when he first met Kisame and Deidara had joked his appearance. He thought of all the times they went out, all the stares. Yes, Kisame had no trouble finding men but he wondered if the comments and stares bothered him.

“Kisame, I want you to know something.” Itachi took a deep breath. “I have always found you attractive. I may not have always had feelings for you but, even when I first met you, your appearance was striking to me. Then, I got to know you over the years and I learned that your appearance isn’t the only attractive thing about you. You have a kind soul. If you’re a monster, then you’re no more monster than me.”

“Itachi, how do I get lucky to find you?”

Itachi smiled, “I don’t know. But know the feeling is mutual.” He hesitated before speaking again.

“Do you remember earlier tonight when you asked me if I was scared of losing my vision?”

“I do.”

“Well, I didn’t lie. I’m not scared of my vision leaving. But, I am scared of forgetting you.” Itachi reached his hand out to began gently tracing the man’s face. “I’m terrified I’ll wake up one day and not remember what you look like.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Kisame growled.

Itachi rolled his eyes. “You can’t control that.”

“No, you’ll see. I’ll tell you what I look like every single day in extreme detail. I’ll find other ways to show you who I am. We’ll create a language all our own.”

“Will you read to me?”

“If that is what you want.”

“And what is it what you want? You’ve made all these promises to me, but what is it that I can do for you?”

“That’s simple.” Kisame said, “You just have to love me. Be patient with me, and trust me.”

Itachi could feel his face warming, “I can do that. And, I am asexual but I do enjoy kissing and cuddling.”

“I could tell,” Kisame gave him a kiss on his nose.

“And, maybe we can figure something out in the future.”

“Maybe we can, and maybe we can’t. I already told you, I don’t mind. Besides I have  new outlet anyway.”

“You do?” Itachi raised an eyebrow.

“I do. You.”

Itachi smiled at him then, a real genuine smile. “I think…I may have found an outlet as well.”

The two men stayed up talking the entire night, wrapped in each other’s arms. And when the sun rose they continued to talk as they watched the sun’s brilliant rays replace the moon’s more subdued ones.

Eventually, the two of them nodded off. Itachi woke up first. He untangled himself from the man’s arm gently, not wanting to wake him. Yawning he walked out of the stable, he figured he would find the two of them some food before the other man woke up. Judging by the position of the sun, it was definitely afternoon. They had slept most of the day way but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

After purchasing food, he headed back in the direction of the stable. Kisame was sitting on the bale of hay with his back to Itachi. Walking up to him, Itachi gently touched his shoulder. The man’s muscle was firm beneath his skin and his skin was surprisingly soft.

The man jumped, he turned his eyes on Itachi. “I went to get us food, it seems we slept the entire day away.”

Kisame continued to stare at him, not speaking. “You left.”

“Excuse me?” Itachi was confused, what did he mean he left?

“When you left to get food, I thought you were leaving. I thought last night was a dream or worse, you realized what a monster I am and left.”

“Kisame.” Itachi dropped the food and dropped to his knees in front of the man. “I would never leave you, I’m still shocked you want me. I’m difficult, and a little broken, and I hate people and I don’t talk much. Yet you somehow ignore all of that and see the real me. I would not leave you. Quite the opposite actually.”

“What do you mean?”

Itachi bit his lip. “I have a crazy idea.”

“I’m listening.”

“What if we don’t meet up with everyone at the rendezvous point? What if we just left this life? We could fake our deaths and go live in that cabin in the woods, or build our own cabin. We can have a simple life, maybe open a book shop or something. We could live near the water so you can enjoy the ocean whenever you wanted.”

Itachi stopped trying to take in Kisame’s reaction. He knew this plan was not fully formed and was the plan of a dreamer. But, he knew what he wanted and after last night he was more inclined to take it. He didn’t want the last things he saw in this world to be death and destruction. Instead, he wanted to see beautiful things. That included Kisame.

“It won’t be easy.”

“I know.”

“We’d have to really plan it all out.”

“I know, Kisame. Weren’t you the one that said it’s good to have plans of a future? Well, let’s start planning ours. We can figure out all the details later. I doubt the Akatsuki cares about us that much to chase us down or investigate our deaths. C’mon Kisame, let’s do it. Let’s give ourselves the happy ending you vehemently claim we deserve.

Kisame watched him for a few moments before speaking. “Ah, fuck it. I’m in. I've followed all your crazy ideas for this long. What's one more?”

Itachi smiled broadly at that.

“Kami, I love your smile. I’m glad I’m getting to see it more.”

“I assure you Kisame, in this little future of ours you will see it more often than not.”

“Then I can’t wait.”

Kisame leaned down to gently press his lips on his. Itachi closed his eyes and smiled in the kiss. His mind on new beginnings.