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Hotch looked up from where he was talking to Reid as the elevator dinged and Derek walked in. The team had been nervous when he didn’t show up, but Hotch had assured him that the man just had a regular checkup at the doctor’s and would be late. The man didn’t look up, check in with any of the team or pick on Reid, simply strode up to his office shutting the door behind him. The team exchanged glances, The amused, ever teasing, cheerful aura that normally surrounded him was missing. Instead he looked like he was going to throw up or pass out or maybe throw up and then pass out. Eyes wide, lips tight and face set in stone as he disappeared into his office.
The team worked on consults all day, and barely saw Derek at all that day. When he was needed, his answers were short and distant before he would retreat back to his office. The team was getting ready to go home, but as usual Aaron and Rossi were still there, as was Derek, still in his office.
As soon as everyone was gone, Rossi slipped over to Hotch’s office.
“Dave? What are you still doing here?”
“I’m worried about Morgan, I mean the whole team’s worried, but I feel like I can just tell something’s off with him.”
Aaron pursed his lips but nodded “I agree, I was planning on talking to him tonight once everyone went home.”
Dave nodded and stood up “Alright, I just wanted to mention it, but if you’ve already got it covered I think I’m going to head out.”
Aaron nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.”
15 minutes after Dave left, Hotch knocked on his subordinates door and opening it at a short “come in.”
Hotch sat down at one of the chairs in front of Derek who sighed and said “What can I do for you?”
"Are you okay, Derek? You’re not acting like yourself"
Derek glared and nodded, “Fine.”
"You went to the doctor this morning?" Aaron asked.
Another nod but no words.
Aaron frowned, looking concerned and said “Something wrong?”
"You could say that," Derek muttered.
The profiler waited for him to explain but he didn't. "Do you want to talk about it?" Aaron asked.
"Not particularly," Derek said.
Aaron watched his subordinate’s, and good friend’s, odd behavior, trying unsuccessfully to decipher it. It was quickly becoming obvious that Derek wasn't going to talk about it without extensive prying: it was really bad or really embarrassing.
“Look, I’m worried about you, I know the team is too, we’re friends, gotten more open with each other over the last few years, at least I thought so? What happened at the doctor?" Aaron asked.
Derek swallowed hard. He'd known the question was coming but he had no clue how to answer it. Originally he'd planned on pretending like everything was okay when he returned to work but his appointment had been more than a little disturbing and wasn't exactly the kind of thing he could just brush off.
"Fine," he muttered. It was a lie and it wasn't even a good lie but it was all he could come up with.
"Really," Aaron said, narrowing his eyes in disbelief. Both profilers knew he was lying.
Derek opened a file on his desk trying to get the man to leave his office, but Aaron reached forward and shut it.
“Look, I'm not dying," Derek said quietly. He really didn't want the team to worry. He didn't exactly want to tell them what was going on but he could assure his boss it wasn't life threatening.
"Derek, we work some of the most horrific crime scenes and cases and come out practically unfazed," Hotch said. "No matter what happens, you’re always ready to go, focused but happy and laughing, picking on Prentiss or Reid so when you come back from the doctor pale as a ghost and acting weird it’s hard not to worry."
Derel looked out his window knowing the man was waiting for him to respond. He knew the man understood the meaning of private and wouldn't force him to say anything but he also knew he needed to put the ming of his friend and man he may have been fighting off unprofessional feelings for, to rest.
"You won't tell anyone?" he asked. He decided to just tell Hotch, otherwise he would worry and pressure him to open up for a while. It wasn't exactly something he wanted to deal with alone anyways, because as much as he hated to admit it, he, Derek Anthony Morgan, was scared and nervous and confused, and Hotch, and maybe Reid were the only people on the planet he trusted enough to tell..
Hotch nodded easily “You know whatever you tell me isn’t some kind of gossip to be passed around the office, I would never do that to you.” Derel sighed, he knew that would be his answer, but he still didn’t look forward to telling him this.
"I know I’ve mentioned during some random conversation that when my father died, they found he actually had prostate cancer, it just wasn’t far enough progressed to have been identified yet?"
Hotch nodded so Derek continued. "His father, my grandfather, had it at one point too, he beat it and it went away, but he did have it. My grandfather on my mother’s side, he died from it. Prostate cancer runs on both sides of my family."
Aaron tensed slightly and spoke quietly, "Are you trying to tell me you have prostate cancer or just that you're at a higher risk?" The expert profiler watched the man carefully, reading his body language as well as listening to his spoken words.
"I don't have it," Derek said, "at least not yet. I'm at a high risk though, especially the older I get, and I’m not exactly really young anymore."
"That's what's bothering you?" Aaron asked.
Derek grew quiet again, tapping his pen on his desk nervously as his thoughts jumbled. Aaron sat patiently for a moment before reaching over and settling Morgan’s hand, gently holding it to the desk. He could understand the fear of the possibility but not really what had Derek so on edge. They faced death every day, he wasn't one to let possibility that wasn’t a guarantee, and not for a while yet get to him this much.
"Talk to Derek," Aaron said gently. "What’s going on in your brain? What’s bothering you so much?"
Derek took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly before his eyes found Hotch's. They darted up and he could easily see beyond the stoic harshness to the care and compassion many people missed, the soft insides hidden by the rough exterior anyone in their line of work developed. He trusted him, wanted to tell him everything but for some reason he was having a hard time getting the words out.
"I uh… the um… my doctor thinks… said… umm…" he sighed uncomfortably and gulped as his eyes fell back to the files on his desk. His next words, coated in fear, something that unnerved Hotch, as they came from Derek Morgan, and he never showed fear, always the first to charge into danger, and his voice came out in a whisper that Aaron heard only from experience of Jack whispering when he wanted something but other people were in the room, he had to strain so much to hear it. "He recommended I get my prostate milked."
"That’s proven to decrease the risk of prostate cancer," Aaron said gently.
"That's what he said," Derek mumbled.
Aaron watched as Derek gripped his coffee mug tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. "Have you ever had a prostate massage before?" he asked.
Derek shrugged awkwardly, rubbing his sweaty hands down his thighs. "Only those things they do for sports physicals at school and I hated those," he said. "I still hate those. I don't want anybody to, you know. I don't trust anybody to… I don't want… I—I…"
Hotch frowned slightly. "That's not a prostate massage, Derek," he said, cutting off the man’s jumbling.
"I know prostate cancer would be so much worse than, um, you know, the alternative, but I just don't know if I can go through with that, and I know it’s not the same thing as an exam or something, but I don’t think, I don’t think I could handle some strange person touching me, I wouldn’t, I couldn’t do it." Aaron said. His face started turning pale again; he was getting lightheaded and his palms were sweating. He knew he needed to pull himself together but that was proving to be easier said than done.
"Hey." Hotch grabbed onto Derek’s hand and squeezed harshly, trying to snap him out of his headspace. "It wouldn’t be as bad as you think, promise.”
Derek blinked “You’ve had one?”
“Uh, yeah, when I was like 45, my doctor recommended it, my grandfather, he had it, my dad didn’t but it was some kind of precautionary thing. But it's not as bad as you think, as you’re panicking about. If you decide to go through with it, I'll help you, if you want."
"I don't know if that'd make it better or worse," Derek mumbled. He was thankful for the offer but it was bad enough without his boss, one of his closest confidants, and man he definitely had a crush on being there to witness the humiliation.
"Have you ever done any type of anal play?" Hotch asked. He was immediately kicking himself, wondering why on earth he'd asked the question, as Derek’s past hit him in the face and all of a sudden his nervousness and reluctance made so much more sense.
Derek’s eyes shot open in shock from where he’d closed them in frustration. That was the absolute last thing he expected Hotch to ask and definitely not a conversation he ever imagined having.
"Never mind," Hotch said when he saw Derek's reaction and realized what he'd asked. "Forget I asked. I don't know what I was thinking, that was a stupid question."
Derek’s eyes found Aaron’s, his heart rate speeding up slightly and his breathing growing shallow. "I might've thought about it a little bit."
"Ever go beyond thinking?" Hotch asked cautiously.
Derek swallowed hard. "No." He paused then decided since they were having that conversation he might as well put it all out there. "I'm a little sc-scared. The idea of… the concept… uh, you know? I couldn’t uh, get past the mental block from uh… Buford and all that, it… just, I couldn’t handle it"
Aaron nodded. He knew. He knew all about Derek’s deep trust issues and allowing someone to invade his body like that would definitely require a lot of trust, especially after his childhood mentor abused that trust repeatedly, forcing himself on the young teenager over and over.
The men sat in silence for a little while longer, before Hotch stood up. “Just think about it, it might help, and the offer was sincere, I’d be more than willing, I’d be happy to help you. Go home, it’s Friday night and it’s late, get out of here.”
Derek nodded and packed up his things, standing up and leaving the office as Hotch disappeared back into his to collect his own briefcase, the two meeting up while waiting for the elevator.
Derek and Hotch had gone to their respective homes for the night, it was a Friday night, and for Derek, a long night of tossing and turning over both Aaron’s, and his doctor’s words. For Hotch it was a good night, playing with his son and the early wakeup call the next morning for pancakes made him smile. The 8-year-old was bouncing up and down, as Uncle Dave was taking Jack out to his cabin in the woods for the day, and then spending the night, and Jack could not possibly have been any more excited. Dave had told Hotch he could come too, but the man had declined saying Uncle Dave and Jack needed their time.
Hotch wasn’t 100% sure what made him do it when he found himself child free at noon that day, but he did some research, and made a call to an old friend who was a doctor and professor at Georgetown’s teaching hospital, to understand just how he could help his agent, so after dinner that night where he mentally debated what to do, he decided that he wanted, needed to help, and if it was a little awkward, so be it.
At his own house, Derek was lounging on the couch, watching some old western movie that he’d found. He was relaxed and feeling lazy, though his mind was still running quickly as yesterday’s conversations jumbled his thoughts. It was 7:30, so he really couldn’t get himself to sleep yet, but he didn’t really want to do anything either.
About 20 minutes into the movie there was a knock at the door. "Argh!" he grumbled as he forced himself off his couch.
He dragged himself over to the door, unlocked it and swung it open. Grumpiness turned to shock when he saw Hotch standing there with a grocery bag. "Uhhh… Hotch um, hi. What are you doing here?"
"Came to see you," Aaron said, stepping past Derek even though he hadn't been invited in. He was nervous as hell but determined not to show it.
Derek watched as Hotch put the bag on the end table next to the couch and shed his coat. He pushed the door closed then returned to the couch. "Wanna watch some TV?" he offered, “the movies only 20 minutes in.”
"I didn't come here to watch TV," Hotch said simply.
Derek swallowed roughly. "Why did you come here? Where’s Jack?"
"On a camping thing with his Uncle Dave, I thought I could help you with your little problem," Hotch said.
"My problem?" Derek asked, beginning to worry. "My uh… that um, that thing we talked about yesterday night?"
"Yeah," Hotch said. "Look, you can say no, but your doctor suggested it and you obviously know it is, you’re just uncomfortable with the idea of trusting someone. You trust me every day at work, trust me with your life when we’re on a raid, trust me with this, you know I would never, could never hurt you.”
Derek was fairly certain Hotch could actually see his heart beating out of his chest, hear it pounding because it was all he could hear echoing in his ears. "Uhh, I uh, uhhhh, I—I, uhh—"
"You gonna stand there stuttering all night?" Hotch asked with a bit of playfulness in his tone, that always made Derek smile slightly and he could help but gulp back the nerves in his stomach and nod hesitantly “I-I can, we can do this, I trust you, it’s completely safe, I can do this.”
Hotch nodded, smiling slightly as he realized how much trust his agent was putting in him.
Derek hesitated for a second and said “Um, I, I don’t exactly know…”
He trailed off but Hotch nodded “You don’t exactly know what to do, what I’m supposed to do or how it’s supposed to work?”
Derek nodded sheepishly and Hotch smiled gently at him “I did research of my own, and an old friend of mine is a doctor, I asked him about how it works best and such.”
Derek nodded, embarrassed beyond belief but trying to keep his nerve up as Hotch said “It’s not a big deal, it’s really simple, okay, go to the bathroom, both ways if you can, take a shower and get everything all clean, then meet me in your bedroom okay?”
"Hotch, you know you don't have to do this," Derek said. "I'll be okay. Everything'll be okay."
"I know," Aaron said, "but unless you kick me out, we're gonna do this, I want to help you."
Derek looked inquisitively at Hotch. He had no idea how the night was going to play out or what exactly his boss had in mind. Part of his brain was screaming at him to kick him out while the other part was more than a little curious to see what was going to happen. He was definitely interested in Aaron but wasn't sure if he wanted to show off his inexperience and not knowing exactly what milking his prostate entailed was intimidating. He didn't want to make a fool of himself.
Hotch watched as his profiler weighed the pros and cons, unsure if he was actually going to go through with it. He hoped he would take a chance and trust him enough to let him help but he didn't have a clue what was going through Derek's mind. He wanted to help him. Help?! he scoffed to himself. You wanna do a whole lot more than help!
Derek gave his best attempt at a smile and before turning and heading for the bathroom, with a short nod. Hotch made his way into the master bedroom and set out a couple of things he’d gotten. He wasn't sure how long his agent was going to take in the bathroom so he moved with a sense of urgency, wanting everything ready by the time Derek made it out. He didn't want to give him too long to think and risk him backing out.
About 45 minutes later, easily transmitting his nerves to Aaron, because they had shared a case and knew normally the man could shower in 10 minutes flat, Derek finally reappeared wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt. Hotch was pretty sure he'd never seen the tough man look so scared.
"Ready?" he asked.
"As ready as I'm ever gonna be," Derek nervously said. "You sure about this?"
"Positive," Aaron said with as much confidence as he always projected. "Go ahead and get on the bed."
Derek nervously crossed his bedroom, perching nervously on the bed.
"Pants off and lie back," Aaron instructed. "You can cover yourself with the towel."
Derek stared at Aaron for a moment so he turned around togive his agent privacy for a little longer.
"Hotch, um, when you start this, don’t stop. I know I need this, I would rather just get this over with in one shot than starting and stopping, even if I say otherwise in the moment."
Hotch agreed easily, turning around when he heard Derek mutter quietly “I’m ready.”
Hotch turned to see him relaxed on the bed, head resting on his forearms and laying face down with his waist covered with the towel he'd left there.
Hotch crossed the room quietly, settling next to his nervous agent’s tense body, and gently started to massage his shoulders and back saying “Relax Morgan, it’ll be better if you relax, and breathe, don’t worry about anything just yet.”
He could hear Derek nervously breathing and spoke quietly "Do you trust me?" he asked as he massaged all the way down one of Derek’s arms to his hand.
Derek nodded. "Of course."
"Okay, I need you to relax."
"I'm trying."
"I know."
Aaron moved on to Derek’s other arm, still feeling all the tension in his muscles. He knew it would take a while to get his agent to relax, but he’d go as slow and take as long as Derek needed to relax. He wanted him to be comfortable and the experience to be pleasurable and that wouldn't be the case if he was too tense.
Hotch moved his hands to Derek’s lower back and Derek shivered slightly as Hotch got close to the towel, but he just moved over it and down to his legs. Derek was finally starting to relax under Hotch’s soothing hands. He knew nothing was happening quite yet. He focused on just hearing the hot man over him breathing slowly, and working to copy him, as the gentle, calming touches relaxed him into a state of more happiness than he’d felt all night.
Hotch gently helped Derek roll onto his back keeping him covered but moving back up to his shoulders and working his way down his abs. Derek fought hard not to start moaning or twitching under Hotch’s touch. It all felt so good but he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to be reacting like this. Hotch resituated himself just then between Derek’s legs and worked down the front of his thighs and down his legs. Slowly, carefully to keep Derek relaxed, he began rubbing all the way up under the towel to the crease where his thigh met his body and back down again, getting close to Derek’s private area, but not touching it.
By the time he’d worked over Derek’s whole body, the man was lying limply in the center of the bed on his back, his arms draped behind his head that rested on the pillows. His legs lying out in front of him and the towel still draped easily over his waist.
"I'm gonna take the towel away, Derek," Hotch said smoothly.
"What? Uh, can't we do this with me on my front or something, should I roll over first?" Panic rose again and Derek’s eyes automatically popped open, his hands went down in some kind of attempt to hold the towel where it was. He had a raging hard on under that towel and he doubted that it was okay. The urge to stop this whole thing nearly drowned him and he didn't have a clue what to do.
“Hotch, I don’t think I want to do this anymore, I want to stop, I don’t think this is a good idea, I can’t do this, please, I think we should just give up on this idea.”
Hotch sighed slightly he had almost expected this, and the frantic, nervous pleading made his gut wrench, but he knew they needed to get through it, and he knew what Derek had requested of him earlier, not to stop.
Hotch rubbed long strokes up and down Derek’s thighs again, trying to help him return to the relaxed state he was just in. "It's okay," he said gently. "Whatever's under that towel, whatever response your body had, is okay."
Derek closed his eyes and nodded, fighting a very strong urge to cover himself as Hotch took the towel away from him. Embarrassment, shame, fear; a wide variety of emotions plagued him. More than anything he wished he knew what Hotch was thinking but he was too humiliated to even look at the man's face.
"Talk to me, Mogran," Hotch said as he ran his hands up Derek's inner thighs to either side of his cock before moving them back down again, still not touching anything.
"I don't have anything to say," Derek whimpered pitifully.
"Why are you hiding?" Hotch asked, his tone patient and his voice gentle, as he referred to Derek covering his face with his large biceps..
"I don't know." It came out as a pitiful whine and Derek hated that.
"You have nothing to be embarrassed about Morgan," Hotch said, still rubbing Dereks’ inner thighs. "I knew you were gonna end up with an erection before I ever stepped through your door. You don’t need to hide it, it's not a surprise to me."
"It's not?" Derek asked, leaning up a tiny bit.
"Derek, this is going to be one of, if not the most, intense orgasms you've ever had in your life," Hotch said with total confidence. It could've been arrogance, but Derek didn’t really see that in his boss. Either way, the thought made his cock twitch. Hotch gently pushed his arms aside and said quietly, "I wanna see your eyes, look at me Derek."
Derek couldn't hide the near moan that escaped, there was no chance he was getting through this without his feelings for his boss being revealed. That calm, gentle, relaxed voice. The slow, sure movements. Derek tried to redirect his thoughts, not picturing Hotch but some ugly boss putting his finger in his ass, yep that was helping, his cock even started deflating.
Hotch continued massaging the front of Derek’s body, trying to get him back to the relaxed, happy state but he could tell Derek’s subconscious was fighting him.
"Why don't you stroke yourself," Hotch suggested, hoping that might help him relax.
"Sorry?" Derek asked, mortified by the thought of masturbating in front of Aaron.
"Stroke yourself," Hotch repeated, just to get yourself aroused again. When he saw the look of horror on Derek’s face he realized things might not go quite as easily as he'd originally thought, well hoped, he’d known it was going too easily. "Relax Derek, trust me to take care of you."
Derek winced at being called out and snarked "I'm lying here with no clothes on, about to spread my legs for my boss so he can stick his finger in my ass.”
He smiled sympathetically at Derek and refocused on his task. "You're thinking too much," he said, lifting Derek’s now limp cock up and gently wrapping a hand around it, smiling at the sharp gasp. "This isn't gonna work unless you can relax."
Derek’s upper body fell back into the pillow as Aaron easily stroked him back to full hardness. At least he had an excuse that time. Of course he was going to get hard if he was touched.
"Relax," Hotch coaxed as he popped open the bottle of lube and coating his hands, "breathe, Derek." He ran his hands all around the area surrounding Derek’s cock and balls, starting along his shaft and moving around the area between his balls and puckered asshole, rubbing and then brushing his thumbs from his hole all the way up to the base of his balls before applying just the right amount of pressure right below where Derek’s balls met his body.
Morgan was trying to be still and not act desperate and whimper but whatever Hotch was doing to him felt amazing. He never wanted it to end. "More," he begged. "Please, Hotch, please, more."
Hotch smiled as he gently rolled Derek's balls in his fingers before rubbing them up either side of his sac. A loud moan went from Derek's mouth to Hotch's cock which had been rock hard since the moment he'd touched Derek.
After rubbing up and down on both sides of Derek's balls, Hotch swiped a finger across his passage. It was just enough to remind Derek what was going to happen but not enough to scare him. With one hand he continued rubbing all around Derek's sac, easily figuring out where Derek was the most sensitive and keeping him very turned on, while two fingers started to gently nudge his hole.
Derek gave up all hope of self-control and surrendered completely to Hotch's touch. He knew it would only take a couple quick strokes of his cock and it'd all be over but he was determined to let Hotch have all the control., and that wasn’t the point of this… medical procedure. Everything was feeling so good that Derek just barely panicked when he felt Hotch' finger rubbing across his hole. He felt more lube being squirted on his opening as Hotch continued rubbing his finger over it, applying a little more pressure each time.
Hotch lined his finger up at Derek's entrance but didn't push in. With one hand still working his balls and the sensitive area behind them, Derek remained relaxed and Hotch slid his finger into Derek with hardly any effort at all. Hotch smiled at the success and picked up Derek's cock in his other hand. He glanced up at Derek and saw his eyes open and the hesitation on his face but gave him a reassuring look. He knew it wouldn't be long before that look was gone.
"How will you know when you find my prostate?" Derek asked.
"You're gonna tell me," Hotch said with a smirk, “You’ll know, trust me.”
Derek hesitated but shut his mouth deferring to Hotch.
Once his finger was all the way in and Derek's sphincter started to relax Hotch gently started to ease the second one it, making Derek squirm slightly at the pull, but easily enough, Hotch got both fingers in. Pulling them both out to add a little more lube before gently pushing both in before Derek could squeeze everything shut again. Hotch rubbed his fingers around until he found the walnut sized gland.
One swipe across that had Derek crying out in pleasure and his hips jerking up looking for friction.. His cock got impossibly harder and Derek feared he might literally explode but it felt so damn good he was pretty sure he wouldn't even care.
“Please, Hotch, please touch me.”
Hotch had pulled his hand off Derek’s cock now that Derek was fully in the land of bliss and Derek needed something to rub against.
Hotch shook his head “It needs to come from your prostate, this does actually have a purpose.”
Derek groaned but didn’t protest. With a few instructions from his friend, Hotch knew, he knew exactly what to do so he was actually milking Derek's prostate instead of just massaging it or getting Derek off. It was a medical procedure after all. Derek was right on the verge, shaking and moaning and his cock was twitching.
"Shit, Hotch!" Derek cried out. He felt so out of control but so unbelievably good at the same time. He was having a difficult time understanding what was happening with his body but at the same time he didn't care. It felt so good; so, so good. It was almost as if Hotch' finger was inside his dick, stimulating it from the inside out. He'd never been that hard in all his life. He was sure of that.
"Hotch," he panted.
"Stay with me," Hotch urged, still pushing and rubbing and stroking.
Derek reached a hand around out of habit searching to give himself the friction for release but Hotch batted his hand away, “You can’t stroke yourself Derek, just let it happen.”
Derek nearly screamed out as waves of orgasm ripped through his body and he shuddered, jerking back and forth with no control over anything. When he finally cleared his head enough, he was confused to realize he was still excruciatingly hard, and he hadn’t cum, and Hotch’s fingers were still in his ass, but not stroking his prostate at the moment.
He shot a confused look at Hotch who smiled gently and said “You had a dry orgasm, it can happen before you actually cum sometimes with prostate orgasms, you okay?”
Derek nodded shortly and moaned loudly as Hotch brushed his prostate again. He worked back up to a writhing, loud, moaning mess and within a few more minutes, a deep, strangled groan escaped from Derek's mouth followed by a deep scream as Hotch stroked him to completion while forcing every last drop from his prostate at the same time. Derek had tears in his eyes at the sheer intensity of the orgasm. It felt like it went on forever and he was absolutely positive he saw stars as his cum shot out of him with so much force it covered his body.
Hotch continued working Derek while he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm then he let his finger slip from Derek's ass and watched with a satisfied smile as Derek tried to catch his breath. His chest was heaving, his mouth was open, his eyes were closed and his entire body was limp with exhaustion.
Hotch laid Derek's now limp cock back against his body and ran a hand down his stomach. He retrieved the wet washcloth from the basin of water on the nightstand and took his time cleaning the massage oil and Derek's fluids from his body while the younger man drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. Hotch didn't want it to be over. He'd never wanted it to end. He didn't want to stop touching Derek. He didn't want to cover the young man up and he most certainly didn't want to turn the light off and leave him to sleep but he knew he had to.
Hotch moved himself out to the couch after a brief bathroom trip to get himself off, a quick process as he’d nearly come from watching Derek orgasm alone, and settled down for the night there. He couldn’t just leave the man there after that, he could, but it didn’t feel right.
They easily worked through any awkwardness the next morning and by monday, the team didn’t know what had happened over the weekend, but they were glad he seemed to be in good spirits again.
Two weeks later, after a phone conversation where his doctor had called him, Derek was pacing his office late that Friday night as his mind was spinning. It was late enough he was pretty sure everyone had gone home, so the knock and subsequent opening of his office door nearly had him jumping a foot in the air.
“Jesus Chirst Hotch, fuck, scare me why don’t you. I didn’t know anyone was here still.”
Hotch frowned and stepped into the office “I didn’t either, I thought I was the last one, I was getting ready to leave but your light was still on so I came to check if you were here or forgot the light.”
Derek grimaced “Oh, yeah, still here. Why are you here though, it’s almost 9, what about Jack?”
“Sleepover for one of his friend’s birthdays. I wanted to get some extra stuff done so I wasn’t working on it over the weekend. Why are you still here?”
“Uh, Paperwork, and then I got a call from my doctor, and I’ve been pacing for…” He checked his watch “The last hour.”
Hotch frowned and leaned back on the wall “Bad news?”
Derek sighed “Maybe, not exactly, he uh, he asked if I was going to um you know do what he suggested, and I said I had and he-he wants me to do it again and then like once every month or so for a while to see if some of my warning markers disappear, I guess something with something else medical gets released and it helps support white blood cells and fight off any potential cancer markers that I hit the last time, because my blood test from a few weeks ago and a few days ago were better I guess. I don’t totally understand the medicine behind it, just the whole he wants me to do that again.”
Derek gulped nervously and resumed pacing as Hotch eyed his subordinate from where he was standing and then spoke “Stop pacing.” When Derek stopped and looked at him he continued “Were you going to ask me?”
Derek frowned “I don’t know, maybe, I was trying to decide, I mean the first time was lucky you didn’t need to be there for Jack, and I mean it’s my issue to deal with.” Hotch crossed his arms and glared, cutting off whatever else Derek was going to say and clearing his throat got Derek to amend his statement nervously. “Uh, If you might be available again, would you possibly be willing to um, help me out again.”
Hotch smiled, “Ah, not so bad to ask now, and yes of course, pack up your stuff, it’s time to go.”
“Wait tonight?”
“Well you just pointed out I usually have an 8-year-old to look after, I don’t tonight, so yes, now.”
Derek nodded slowly and quickly packed up, following Hotch out the door. They reached their cars and Derek nervously cleared his throat, “Uhm, are you coming over to my house now, or uh, your house?”
Hotch gave the man a reassuring smile “I assumed you would be more comfortable at your house, but if you’re not, we can go to mine.”
Derek nodded “Uhm, yeah, mine please.”
They pulled up 30 minutes later and Derek hesitated but unlocked the door and an hour later found the two in a deja vu moment as Derek laid himself on the bed, going right onto his back though this time and Aaron smiled as he sat down next to Derek, who had covered himself up again, but looked much less nervous.
“How are you feeling this time Morgan?”
Derek gulped but nodded “Still nervous, but not as scared out of my mind. It’s still a foreign idea to me but I know that it feels good soo…”
Hotch nodded and gently nudged the edge of the towel “You want to start with this on or do you think you don’t need it this time?”
“Erm, off I guess, I think it’s okay.”
Aaron smiled and gently pulled the towel away, but not acknowledging anything, simply going to work on massaging out the tenseness in the man’s muscles again.
When he thought Derek was as boneless as he was going to get, and the man had started to harden from the near touches, Hotch quietly lubed his finger before gently probing at the man’s entrance as his other hand started playing with the man’s cock.
…
15 minutes later Derek collapsed bonelessly on the bed panting as his vision was clouded and he was floating on fluffy clouds. He hardly registered Hotch gently cleaning him up but when the man went to get up Derek grabbed his hand. “Stay?”
Hotch nodded and slid onto the bed next to Derek, putting off his pants leaving just his boxers and t-shirt as he wrapped himself behind Derek and pulled the man close into him, wrapping his arm over Derek’s shoulder, who sighed and scooted back into Aaron even more.
The two slept peacefully, but when they woke up Aaron was flat on his back and Derek was partially draped over him with his head nuzzled in the crook of Aaron’s neck. Aaron had a leg holding Derek’s body in place and an arm still over his shoulders pressing his chest into him.
It was a long, nerve wracking conversation for both of them that followed that boring, and ended with Derek pushing Aaron into a wall and drawing him into an electric kiss.
They decided to be honest about their new, fragile relationship with the team, who was thrilled for them and the two settled into a good relationship, with Jack taking to seeing his uncle Derek around more, amazingly well.