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Adam didn’t drive.
At least he successfully avoided it for almost thirty-five years.
He didn’t drive because driving was scary, with loud, rumbling car engines and endless stretches of road, the not insignificant risk of getting into an accident. When Adam was fifteen, his father had told him many autistic people don’t learn how to drive for a variety of reasons, and that was okay. Since Adam didn’t see it as a necessary skill, he never even set foot in a driver’s seat.
Then he got fired and moved to California for a new job, and the commute turned out to be less than ideal. He had to get up earlier in the morning than he was used to and take two different buses, and sometimes one or both of them would be late, which made him feel like he should start his commute even earlier, which threw off his routine even more.
It simply wasn’t practical. After talking to Harlan, he reluctantly agreed to a driver readiness assessment, feeling almost disappointed when they let him know he was good to go by the end of it.
But at that point, Adam had promised himself to at least give driving a try. In general, he was trying more new things now, more accustomed to failure and defeat. If it didn’t work out, it didn’t, and that was okay.
That didn’t mean it was easy.
Adam passed the theory test on his first try, but the practical test proved more difficult. While he had grown to like his driving instructor over time, he felt anxious being evaluated by different people during the actual test. When he finally managed to get his license, he was so relieved he didn’t have to go through it again he almost felt like crying.
Even then, he still felt anxious driving. He had obsessively researched traffic safety while studying for his license and tried his best to stay away from statistics concerning fatalities, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t feel safe and only ever drove to get to work and home. He didn’t even have an interest in cars; when he bought one for himself, he brought Harlan on video call to help him pick one. It was a dark, midnight blue, and Adam didn’t care to know much more about it beyond that.
That’s why he instantly felt nervous when he found out he needed to get his car inspected.
He tried his best to research what they would be looking for and felt fairly confident his car would be fine, but taking it to the inspection station still made him anxious. He was directed to a waiting room and sat down in one of the chairs, trying to settle down and tell himself he had nothing to worry about.
Another man was seated in a chair across from him, dressed in a distracting blue shirt with a dachshund print that drew Adam’s gaze. He was bouncing his leg, a nervous tic Adam recognized from his own habits. He could sympathize, but in spite of that, it quickly started to grate on him.
“Could you stop that with your leg?” he asked, trying his best not to sound rude, even though he was likely breaking social protocol.
“Why?” The man asked, eyes narrowed. Adam swallowed.
“I’m sorry if asking is offensive. It makes me nervous and I’m already feeling nervous. So if you could stop, I’d be grateful.”
The man grimaced. “Well, if it doesn’t suit the little prince,” he mumbled, crossing one leg over the other.
Adam stared blankly ahead for a moment before he realized it was probably an insult. ‘Little prince’ in this context could mean he was acting like a spoiled child. He lowered his gaze, not wanting to provoke an argument. He suddenly felt more nervous than when the man was bouncing his leg, and considered moving to a corner of the room when the man asked him a question.
“So, you getting your car inspected?”
“Yes. That’s what this place is for,” Adam said. “Aren’t you?”
“My car is in the shop next door. I was told there was coffee here.” The man held up a plastic cup he’d had halfway perched on his lap. “First cup of the day. Some idiot rammed into the back of my car this morning, been stuck here since.”
“You were in an accident?” Adam asked, wide-eyed. “Are you okay?”
The man blinked. “Yeah, fuck. It was nothing. Just fucked up my car a little bit, I took it here to see if they could knock out the bumps.” He studied Adam closely, head slightly tipped to the side. “Why are you so nervous about getting your car inspected?”
“It’s my first time coming here,” Adam said. “I don’t know what to expect, and it’s stressful to me.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” The man smiled, baring uneven teeth. “You’ll have plenty of time to get used to it. It’s just one more thing in a long line of adult responsibilities.”
“I think I’ve had enough of adult responsibilities the past seventeen years,” Adam said, unhappily.
“The past seventeen years?” The man frowned. Adam tugged on his sleeve, not meeting his gaze.
“Well, assuming you’re an adult at eighteen, I’ve been one for seventeen years, and I’ve had lots of responsibilities.” He paused. “Like going to job interviews and arranging my father’s funeral.”
The man fell quiet, staring at him. Adam replayed the interaction in his head, unsure where he might have gone wrong. He wanted to keep talking to explain further, but he knew that often didn’t go over well and remained quiet, distress mounting.
“I could’ve sworn you weren’t a day over twenty,” the man finally said, slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Oh.” Adam looked down. He knew the response for that last part at least. “Thank you.”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Adam.” He kept looking down into his lap for a few beats before it occurred to him he should ask about the man’s name too. “Um, what’s yours?”
“I’m Nigel. Pleasure to meet you, Adam.” Nigel smiled. “So, where are you headed after this?”
“Home,” Adam said. “I took today off because I wasn’t sure how long this would take, and I only had a half-day anyway.”
“That’s nice. An extra long weekend, then.”
Adam shrugged. “I like my job. I work with satellite navigation and we’re in the middle of an exciting project, so I’m sad I had to miss a day, but I was told this is necessary.”
“Satellite navigation?” Nigel raised his brows. “You must be pretty smart then, hm?”
Adam nodded. “Evidence would suggest I’m above average intelligence, but I’m still lacking in some respects. My IQ isn’t high enough to join Mensa, for one, and when intelligence is separated into different subcategories, such as in theories of multiple intelligences, I rank pretty low in certain areas.”
Nigel looked a little taken aback, but he didn’t seem deterred enough to stop talking to him, at least. “I very much doubt that,” he said.
“It’s true. I haven’t actually been tested, but I know for a fact I would do poorly in interpersonal intelligence.” Adam paused. “That refers to being people smart.”
“You’re doing pretty well right now, I’d say.”
Nigel was smiling. Adam felt a little tug in his chest, something like hope or trepidation. Maybe Nigel truly meant what he said, but there was an equal chance he was mocking him.
“I mean it though,” Adam said. “I can’t tell if you were being sincere or making fun of me just now.”
A look of clear surprise crossed Nigel’s face; wide eyes, slack jaw. “What are you talking about? Of course I’m not making fun of you, darling.”
“Darling?” A ripple of confusion coursed through Adam.
“Sorry.” Nigel smiled again. “You’re such a pretty little thing. Couldn’t contain myself.”
The more Nigel talked, the more confused Adam felt. This was the first time anyone spoke to him this way; not even Beth had called him darling, and they had been dating. He tried frantically to fit what Nigel said into some previous interaction, some general reference he might have, but there was nothing. He suddenly wished he could just go, remove himself from the situation altogether. He was so keyed up anyway, feeling tight with tension.
“I don’t understand,” Adam said, maybe a little too loud. “I’m glad you’re not making fun of me but I also meant it when I said I’m not very good with people, and I’d like it if you just told me what you mean.”
“What?” Nigel gave him that same look of what Adam thought was surprise. “I did say what I meant, Adam.”
Adam gave a frustrated huff, annoyed at the way he felt like he had to disclose more information about himself than he was truly comfortable with.
“I’m autistic so you have to be very clear with me,” he said. “I don’t understand subtlety very well, which makes social interactions difficult for me. I understand if you would rather stop talking to me and I might prefer that too, since this conversation is upsetting me.”
“Hey,” Nigel said, getting up from his chair and sitting down in the one next to Adam. Adam stiffened, already uncomfortable. “I’m sorry I upset you. I don’t know much about autism, but I know a little bit, and it doesn’t bother me.” He paused. “What I meant is, I find you attractive.”
Adam blinked. “Oh,” he said, not being able to think of anything else to say. His neck suddenly felt hot, an odd sort of restlessness crawling into his body.
“I get it if you don’t swing that way though,” Nigel said. “If you’re not interested in men that way,” he revised after a moment.
Adam gnawed on his lower lip, unsure what would be okay for him to say. People in his life always told him it wasn’t appropriate to talk about sexual things with people you didn’t know, and sometimes even with people you did know. But Nigel had brought it up first, and surely it was relevant to what they were talking about?
“I identify as bisexual,” Adam finally said. “But I haven’t dated any men before.”
“Really?”
Adam nodded. “I’ve watched gay porn since I was a teenager though, and it always makes me really excited. I like men with a lot of body hair.”
Nigel laughed, the corners of his mouth lifting into a crooked smile. “I love a guy who knows what he wants.”
It took Adam a moment to parse the meaning of Nigel’s words, and when he did, he felt himself blush again. He wished he were better at flirting. As it were, he could barely keep up with when someone was flirting with him, as rare as it was.
“I think you’re flirting with me,” Adam said. “I can’t really do it back, but I think you’re attractive too.”
He really did find him attractive. Nigel had an unusual face, but he was handsome despite or because of it, with full lips and sand-colored hair falling into his eyes. Adam had a strange urge to sweep it behind his ears and almost wished Nigel would look away for a moment so he could see the color of his eyes without having to suffer through eye-contact.
“I have to say, Adam,” Nigel said, leaning closer, “I’d like to take you on a date. What do you think about that?”
Adam felt that tiny stir in his chest again, more hope than trepidation this time. A man he just met, who knew about his autism, wanted to date him. Still, the sense of joy barely had time settled before he felt an inexplicable rise of anxiety.
This wasn’t something he had planned for. There were many things that were new and uncomfortable about this situation, a lot of things he hadn’t thought about in much detail that he suddenly needed to consider.
“What would we do?” Adam asked. “And when would we do it?”
“Whenever it suits you. We could go to dinner, if you like?”
“I don’t really like to go to restaurants,” Adam said, doubtful. “Can I—eat something beforehand, and then we can go somewhere? Can we take a walk? I like to walk.”
“Sure, darling.” The pet name made Adam flush now that he knew what Nigel meant. “We’ll do whatever you like. When do you want to meet up?”
Adam pondered that for a moment. He’d likely feel a little drained after the inspection was done, but if it wrapped up soon, he could go home and recuperate and see Nigel in the evening.
“When do you think my car will be ready?”
“Not too long, I think. Should just be a few minutes, if nothing’s wrong with it.”
Adam breathed a sigh of relief. “Then I can see you tonight. I eat at six, so after that I can text you.”
“Wonderful, darling.” Nigel reached out. “Give me your phone, and I’ll give you my number.”
Adam handed his phone over. Nigel tapped on the screen for a few seconds, then called himself to get Adam’s number. After that, the phone was returned to Adam with a new contact, listed as Nigel with a wink emoji.
“There,” Nigel said. “Can’t wait to hear from you, Adam.”
Before Adam could reply, the man who had directed him to the waiting room earlier walked through the door. He made his way over to Adam, handing over his keys.
“Everything looks fine,” he said. “You’re free to leave. Your car is where you left it.”
“Thank you.” Adam felt like a small weight was removed from his chest, despite having been more or less sure his car was fine. The man smiled politely and turned to leave, and Adam stood, ready to go back to his car. Nigel cleared his throat.
“I’ll probably leave my car here overnight,” Nigel said. “Mind giving me a ride?”
Adam’s instinct was to say yes, he did mind, but when he thought about it, there wasn’t truly any reason for him to say no. Nigel would tell him where to drive; he didn’t need to be nervous about directions.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll give you a ride.”
*
The drive to Nigel’s apartment was mostly quiet, since Adam needed to focus on his driving. Nigel didn’t seem to mind, mostly looking out the window, occasionally letting his gaze linger on Adam. Once Adam stopped to drop him off, Nigel placed a warm hand on his knee, squeezing gently.
“Thanks for the ride, darling,” Nigel murmured, voice husky and soft. “I look forward to tonight.”
Adam couldn’t help a small shiver, almost pleasurable as it crept down his spine. “So do I, Nigel.”
Before he could stop himself, Adam let his hand fold over Nigel’s, squeezing gently like he had done seconds before. Nigel grinned, patting his cheek lightly before letting him go.
“Drive safe, baby,” he said, stepping out onto the pavement. Adam nodded, blushing furiously as Nigel winked and turned around. He still felt the heat of his hand on his knee when he turned around to drive back home.
*
Come late afternoon, Adam had settled somewhat, even though he still felt a little anxious. Even when he tried to relax his mind drifted to Nigel, the way Adam had felt when he touched him, the way pet names rolled off his tongue like it was nothing, like he’d known Adam for years and that was normal and expected for them.
Their first meeting had gone impossibly well. Nigel had been so accepting of Adam’s quirks it was almost unbelievable. Adam tried not to get his hopes up, but the flutter of nerves and excitement in his gut was undeniable. He spent some time trying to research dating men as a man, but most articles online seemed to bring up sexual encounters more than anything, which he had already spent a significant amount of time researching before Nigel.
Around dinner time, he started thinking about what to wear. Beth had liked it when he wore dark, muted colors, so he decided to put on a soft, grey shirt and black jeans, hoping Nigel would enjoy it too. If they even got that far; Adam would wear a jacket over his clothes and could only hope Nigel would want to come back to his place later and see him out of it.
After Adam had dinner, he texted Nigel as he said he would. He decided they could take a walk through a park he liked to go to nearby, and gave Nigel the address. Adam got there first and sat down on a bench, waving as he spotted Nigel walking towards him after a few minutes.
Adam’s heartrate picked up just seeing him. Nigel wore a leatherjacket over a black shirt with the top buttons undone, baring the base of his throat and dark blonde hair trailing up from his chest.
“Hello, gorgeous.”
Gorgeous now, too. Adam smiled, helpless to stop it. “Hello, Nigel,” he said. “I thought we could walk around the park first.”
“Sounds lovely.” Nigel held out his hand. Adam took it with some hesitance, realizing only when Nigel pulled slightly that he was helping him up from the bench. He was only a little disappointed when he let go afterwards. He hadn’t liked holding hands with Beth, but found he at least wanted to try with Nigel.
“Did you get your rest today?” Nigel asked as they started walking.
“Yes, but I was nervous about tonight,” Adam said.
“That’s a shame,” Nigel said. “There isn’t anything you need to be nervous about. Truly.”
“I haven’t dated very much,” Adam said. “And I don’t know you very well, which makes me anxious. But you seem nice, and you’re very handsome. And you accepted my autism and adjusted very quickly.”
“I’m trying. Who wouldn’t?”
“A lot of people,” Adam murmured. “Not even my ex-girlfriend seemed to realize exactly what it entailed, even after I told her, many times.”
“That’s why she’s an ex, I reckon.”
“She’s an ex because I was moving and we had to break up, but I think it might have been good that we did.” Adam bit his lip. “I liked her very much, but I don’t think she could have been happy with me. It took me a long time to realize that.” He paused. “I’m sorry. You’re not supposed to talk about exes with other people you’re dating.”
“That’s fine. I have my fair share of exes that broke my heart.” Nigel sighed. He was quiet for a beat, then he continued: “I got shot in the head for my ex-wife.”
Adam almost jumped. He stared at Nigel, open-mouthed. “You were shot in the head?”
“Mhm. My fine motor skills are fucked since then, but I’m not too terribly affected otherwise. Which is a goddamn miracle, tell you the truth.”
“My fine motor skills are very good. I need them for work.” Adam fell quiet, considering. “I’ve never even been near a gun. Why were you shot?”
“It’s a story best saved for another time. I’ve left all that behind me anyway.” Nigel turned to him, smiling. “I can assure you I’m nowhere near guns now. I work as a bouncer.”
“I’m glad you’re not near guns anymore. That would be scary. Though I guess you could still be hurt as a bouncer.”
“Then I hurt them worse.”
“I hope you’re careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Nigel smiled again, a wide stretch of lips that crinkled the skin around his eyes. Adam steeled himself, then reached quickly – maybe a little too quickly – for Nigel’s hand. Nigel didn’t flinch or take his hand back, only squeezed gently around his. It felt nice, a warm point of contact as they walked through the park together, feeling the fleeting warmth of the sunset.
In the end, they walked further than planned, until it was dark and Adam almost started feeling hungry again. When Nigel stopped for a slice of pizza, Adam had some too, eating the plain crust and taking a few sips of Nigel’s coke. Nigel wiped a crumb from the corner of Adam’s mouth with his thumb, making him feel hot all over; it was astonishing how he could do almost nothing at all, and it made Adam feel like his stomach was tied into knots.
Around half past nine, Adam was starting to wonder how Nigel saw their night ending. He would like to invite him into his apartment, but he didn’t know how to ask.
“Nigel,” he started, turning his gaze away when he looked at him. “I’m enjoying myself very much. You make me feel—” he remembered Beth’s initial reaction, trying to revise what he wanted to say. “Um, I’m very attracted to you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or presume, but I want to have sex with you and if you want that too we can go to my place now and do that.”
The last part was rushed, words coming out of Adam’s mouth quicker than he wanted them to. Nigel smiled, laughing softly.
“I would love nothing more, darling,” he said. “Let’s get a cab.”
Adam’s heart pounded hard against his ribs. He nodded. “Okay.”
Nigel hailed down a cab and Adam found himself almost trembling with nervous energy the whole time in the backseat. He was excited, already feeling the beginnings of an erection straining against his pants, and couldn’t stop himself from squirming in his seat.
“You are so fucking lovely,” Nigel said, leaning close to him. His breath tickled Adam’s neck, making him squirm even more. A hand landed on his knee, slowly trailing up to his thigh and between his legs, startling a gasp out of him.
“Nigel, not here,” Adam whispered. “That’s not allowed.”
“We’re just having a bit of fun,” Nigel argued, squeezing gently. “Not hurting anyone. Fuck, I can’t wait to make you fucking scream my name, gorgeous.”
“Stop that, back there,” the cab driver barked, and Adam flinched, having almost forgotten they weren’t alone.
“You keep your fucking eyes on the road,” Nigel snarled, but he did lift his hand from Adam’s crotch. Before he leaned back in his seat, he moved closer to Adam’s ear and mumbled, “You’ll see stars, baby.”
Adam wanted to argue because that particular saying was one of the expressions that bugged him, but he was too worked up, barely able to breathe. He could feel a blush spreading on his face, crossing his legs to make his erection less obvious.
When they made it inside Adam’s apartment, Nigel pressed him up against the door and kissed him, opening Adam’s lips with his tongue and licking hot into his mouth. It stole a gasp right out of Adam’s mouth; he had never been kissed like this, with this kind of force and urgency, like Nigel was desperate for him. He could feel his strength in the way he pinned him against the door, body solid and unmoving, one arm wrapping around his waist and pressing them close together.
Adam rocked his hips, feeling Nigel hot and hard against him, and couldn’t help but make a tiny sound. “Can we go to my bedroom?” he finally managed, itching to get out of his clothes and touch Nigel the way he wanted.
“Fuck yes,” Nigel said, breathing heavy and ragged. “Lead the way.”
Adam did, standing awkwardly beside his bed for a moment before he was manhandled onto it and Nigel groped him through his clothes.
“I want to undress,” Adam said. “Can we be naked now, please?”
Nigel nodded, moving away so he could yank his clothes off while Adam carefully unbuttoned his shirt and took off his pants and socks and shoes. Nigel draped their clothes over the back of a chair when Adam asked him to, placing their shoes neatly underneath it.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Nigel said once he got back to bed, running his hands along Adam’s flanks.
“So are you,” Adam said, unable to stop staring at Nigel’s chest and stomach, the shifting muscle there, moving beneath blonde, slightly greying hair. “I really want to have sex with you.”
“What do you want to do, baby?”
“I’ve thought about oral sex and anal sex.” He faltered. “I’ve never understood the social dynamics of topping and bottoming, it’s very confusing. But I’ve used dildos on myself and penetrated women vaginally, and I like both, so either is fine with me.”
Nigel groaned, cursing under his breath. “Your ass is fucking fantastic. I’d love to fuck you, darling.”
“Is it very different from using a dildo?” Adam asked, a little nervous. He thought he’d been ready to have sex, even if it meant bottoming, but now he suddenly didn’t feel as sure. Once, he had read that you could always say no, that consent was important and would be respected, but maybe it would be rude to say it out of nowhere? Especially when he’d already said he would be fine with anything. He really wanted to get things right with Nigel.
Nigel searched his face. “Is something wrong?”
“No!” Adam almost recoiled from the sound of his own voice. He grimaced, making a conscious effort to lower it. “I mean, I feel anxious about bottoming because I haven’t done it before, and I thought I was ready but now I don’t know if I am. Is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay, Adam.” Nigel frowned. “You need to tell me these things. Wouldn’t want to do something you don’t want.”
Adam breathed a small sigh of relief. “Okay. That’s good.” He stopped, deliberating for a second. “Can I give you a blowjob? I’ve wanted to try that since I was very young.”
Nigel laughed softly, leaning back against the headboard. “Sure. Far be it from me to stand in the way of dreams.”
Adam moved to sit between Nigel’s legs, touching his cock experimentally. It was a pleasing size and shape, only slightly smaller than his own, and wet at the tip. Adam leaned closer and licked it, not particularly enjoying the taste, but the knowledge that Nigel was so aroused, that he was hard just because of him, made his own cock pulse with excitement.
A moan above him spurred Adam on. He took more of Nigel’s cock into his mouth, thinking about every piece of advice he’d ever read about giving oral sex. Despite the ache that built quickly in his jaw and the perilous feeling he might choke when he sucked him too deep, he loved feeling Nigel tense and shift beneath him, the weight and taste on him on his tongue.
“Ah, fuck, Adam,” Nigel mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “You’re perfect. Fucking stunning sucking my cock like that.”
Adam couldn’t answer. He flattened his tongue and tried to take Nigel all the way to the back of his throat, thinking about having Nigel inside him. Then he thought about being inside Nigel. Maybe that was something they could do instead? Nigel had just told him they should talk about these things. He slowly let Nigel’s cock slide out of his mouth, giving it a final, tapering suck before taking a moment to catch his breath.
“Would you like to bottom for me?” he finally asked, letting his gaze settle just past Nigel’s face. Nigel didn’t answer at first, letting the silence between them stretch on.
“I don’t know, darling,” he said, slowly. “I haven’t done that in a long time. Not sure I feel up for it.”
“Oh, okay. That’s fine.” Adam meant it; he didn’t feel the need to do anything other than oral sex, content as long as he would get to come too. “I can just keep giving you a blowjob.”
“No, wait,” Nigel said, grabbing his shoulder as Adam leaned back down again. He looked at Adam for a long moment, frowning, then an audible breath left his lips. “It’s not like I’m some blushing virgin, fuck. I don’t mind, you can fuck me if you like, angel, okay?”
Adam felt his heart starting to beat faster. He smiled, feeling his lips stretch wide.
“Great,” he said, scrambling to get the lube out of the drawer in his nightstand. “I’ll be careful and go slower than usual, anal penetration is different from vaginal penetration from what I understand. You’ll have to tell me if I do anything wrong. I want you to feel good.”
“Got it.” Nigel smiled slightly, leaning back against the headboard again. “How do you want me?”
“That’s fine for now.” Adam poured a generous amount of lube over his fingers. Then he kneeled between Nigel’s legs and wrapped his lips around his cock again, carefully nudging his fingers between his cheeks and rubbing slickness across the twitching opening. Nigel was so hot there, so soft, even softer once Adam worked his finger inside.
“Jesus fuck,” Nigel murmured. His hand twisted in Adam’s hair, stroking his nape while he slowly worked another finger inside, trying to find Nigel’s prostate. It was a little different compared to when he did it to himself, but he had read about it online and it hadn’t seemed too complicated. Once he felt the familiar outline, he applied a little more pressure, circling it while taking Nigel’s cock as deep as he could in his mouth.
Nigel hissed, tugging sharply on Adam’s hair. “Fuck, wait,” he said, and Adam immediately let himself be pulled up.
“Did I do something wrong?” Adam felt tendrils of worry squeezing around his chest. “Didn’t you like it—?”
“I liked it, darling,” Nigel interrupted, huffing a quick breath. “Liked it a little too much, in fact. I’m trying not to come all over myself like a fucking kid.”
“Oh.” Adam brightened. “So it was good then?”
“Perfect,” Nigel said, hooking his fingers under Adam’s chin and reeling him close, whispering damp words against his lips. “But when I come, I want to come on that big, beautiful cock of yours. I’m an old school romantic that way.”
Adam felt a tiny thrill coursing through him. “Okay, Nigel. Are—are you ready now?”
“Sure. Stick it in me, baby.”
Adam made sure to slick himself up properly, then he placed one hand on Nigel’s thigh, feeling a low thrum of pleasure when he slid a little lower and tilted his hips up. He pressed gently against the small opening and started pushing inside, going slower than he did with Beth, knowing from first-hand experience he couldn’t rush. He couldn’t quite look Nigel in the eye, but whenever he stole little glances at his face, he could see the way his jaw hung slack, eyes fluttering closed. Adam couldn’t be sure, but it looked like he was enjoying it.
The realization made him feel a little more confident, and he started rolling his hips slowly, placing his hands on Nigel’s chest to feel soft hair beneath his fingers. Nigel cursed, hands squeezing harshly around Adam’s hips. It was hard to concentrate on making it good for Nigel when it felt so incredibly good for Adam. Tighter than he was used to, wet and so hot, and the sight of his body alone was thrilling.
“You feel so good,” Adam said, even though he tried not to talk while he had sex; another thing he knew from first-hand experience was that his voice and the things he said could be off-putting.
Nigel didn’t seem to mind. He groaned, throwing his head back against the pillow. “God, you too, baby. You fuck like—” he drew a sharp breath, “like a fucking porn star.”
“Porn isn’t really about the actors feeling good,” Adam pointed out, voice growing shaky the more out of breath he was. “It’s about—looking good. I would hope I’m better than a porn star.”
Nigel laughed, and Adam decided to believe he was laughing with rather than at him. He folded himself over him and drove his hips harder, trying to find Nigel’s prostate. When Nigel wrapped both arms around him and panted into his hair, saying right there, don’t fucking stop, he didn’t, thrusting fast-paced into the same spot, hearing himself moan as if from a distance. Sweat was beading on his temples and he almost trembled with pleasure, with the effort of moving his hips and staying upright altogether, but he tried to stave off his orgasm until Nigel came.
He wanted Nigel to think he was good at this. To think he was capable, someone who could give him what he needed instead of just taking and needing.
“Fuck,” Nigel said, shoving a hand in between their bodies and wrapping it around his cock, pumping it quickly. “Oh, Adam, you fucking marvel—”
A series of stuttered moans filled the room as Nigel came, tightening even more around Adam’s cock, and Adam gave a few selfishly harsh thrusts and let his orgasm tear through him. He collapsed boneless on top of Nigel, hoping he wasn’t crushing him with his weight since moving felt entirely impossible.
“I really enjoyed that,” Adam said once he cooled off, glancing at Nigel. “Did you enjoy it?”
“’Did you enjoy it’ he asks,” Nigel snorted. “That was amazing, Adam. I felt that fucking orgasm in my toes.”
“I don’t know if that’s possible.”
“Well, maybe you should let me fuck you next and I’ll prove it is,” Nigel said, grinning widely. Adam slowly rolled off of him and Nigel drew him close with an arm around his waist, tucking him to his side.
“I’d like that,” Adam said, putting his hand on Nigel’s chest and nuzzling his neck, since cuddling was clearly okay. “I think you’d be good at it.”
“Well, don’t like to brag,” Nigel said. He yawned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Is it okay if I crash here tonight?”
Adam considered it. He had already planned for the possibility of Nigel staying the night and found he still thought it was a good idea. They could have breakfast together, and maybe have sex again afterwards. He could take Nigel home; even though he didn’t enjoy driving he had liked doing that for him, seeing someone in the passenger seat when he was usually alone.
“Yes, I think you should stay,” he said, letting his arm wrap around Nigel’s waist, enjoying the warm, big hand moving into his hair and carding gently through his curls.