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Michael feels like he couldn’t breathe - he needs to talk to Alex. He takes a few minutes to calm himself down, before grabbing his phone and he just instinctively calls Alex. He doesn’t notice that it’s two in the morning until he hears a grumble and a confused “hello?”, and Michael curses himself for waking Alex up. He sighs, it doesn’t matter now, Alex is up and Michael knows he probably won’t be able to go back to bed so soon anyway.
“Can I- um, sorry, can we- talk?”
“Michael? What’s wrong?” Alex asked, and Michael could hear Alex moving around, probably sitting up on his bed to put on his prosthetic.
“Can I come over?” Michael asks quickly, and he’s in his truck before Alex answers, because even if Alex won’t see him tonight, Michael needed to get out of the tiny space before he loses his mind.
Thankfully, Alex, although confused, welcomes Michael in with open arms, literally, and Michael takes a moment to squeeze Alex tight. He’s here. He’s fine. He’ll be fine. For tonight at least.
—
They’re in Alex’s living room, it’s dimly lit, but Michael feels safe with Alex near him. He always feels safe with Alex.
“So…what did you want to talk about?” Alex says, both of them enjoying the quiet for a moment.
Michael wants to smack himself in the head. He had a million things he wanted to say, but he has no idea how to even begin the conversation.
“It’s bad tonight,” Michael says softly, almost too softly. After a quick pause, Michael continues.
“You know, back when you enlisted? My hand was still broken, and I was drinking way too much for my own good?” Alex nods, and Michael thinks he would do anything to get rid of the guilt he knows he sees in Alex’s eyes. It wasn’t his fault.
“I kind of - spiralled? At first, I just drank and got into fights at the Wild Pony,” Michael withdrew his hand, and started fiddling with a loose thread he found on his jeans. They’ve never actually sat down to talk about what happened after Alex left. Alex just assumed that Michael went on about his life. Drinking, fighting and sleeping around. Not that he minds. He was concerned about Michael, but he didn’t judge him. Michael just had unhealthy coping mechanisms, but that’s not his fault. It’s not like Michael could’ve gone to a therapist to tell them about how he used his telekinesis to fake a car crash to protect his alien sister.
Alex knows that Michael has been working on himself. He’s drinking much lesser now, and he doesn’t get into fights as often as he used to, and Alex was there every single step of the way.
“A few months after you left, I realised that drinking alcohol alone wasn’t enough. I started mixing acetone and whatever alcohol I could get my hands on, and it helped. It helped me feel numb, I guess,” Michael winces slightly at his own words. He realises how pathetic he sounds.
“One night, it got bad. Really bad. I drank, like I always did, but it wasn’t enough. My mind was too much, you know? I felt like I didn’t belong. Max and Isobel had each other. And they had the Evanses. I’ve got nothing but a truck and some blankets. Nothing else. It’s almost like I could just disappear and no one would really bat an eye,” God, his throat hurts from how long he’s been holding his tears in. He couldn’t cry now though. He knows that if he cries, he’ll never stop, and if he never stops, he’ll never be able to finish what he wanted to say.
“I used to look up at the sky and silently pray that someone, anyone, would come down here and save me,” Michael continues, and he wants to laugh at how silly he sounds, but he doesn’t.
“I guess that night, I realised that there were two possibilities. Either no one saw me, and there’s no help at all, or someone did see me, and they simply didn’t care. I'm not sure which is worse,” He says slowly.
“I just wanted an escape, or whatever. I couldn’t bottle up my chaos. My powers were going haywire and everything around me was shaking. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Then, I heard something break. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just a broken beer bottle. I knew I had to pick the pieces up, so I did. I picked up the biggest piece of glass and I just…” Michael was still trying his best to hold back his tears, but he was so tired. He moves closer to Alex, until their thighs were touching just the slightest, before he continues.
“It was just a small nick at first, barely drawing blood, but it helped.” Michael pauses slightly, and presses his nail into the flesh between his thumb and his forefinger. Old habit.
Alex notices the crescent-shaped indents immediately, and he slowly takes Michael’s hand into his own. Michael mutters a soft apology, but Alex shakes his head, and waits for Michael to continue.
“I felt like I was in control again, and my mind seemed to be quietening down, but it wasn’t enough yet. I just dragged the glass across my wrist. I - I wasn’t thinking, I don’t know what I wanted, it just happened so quickly, and it was so much blood, but my mind was quiet for once,” Michael hears Alex draw in a sharp breath, and Michael feels the warm hand rubbing small circles in his back still for a moment.
“I don’t remember much of what happened next…but that was the night we found out that we would get those weird flashes whenever one of us was in serious trouble,” Michael turns to meet Alex’s eyes, and he lays his head on Alex’s shoulder for comfort.
Michael feels lighter, now that the truth was out in the open. Michael has never told anyone else about that night. The only other two people who knew were Max and Isobel. Alex wraps an arm around Michael’s torso, and pulls him as close as possible. It’s comforting, and Michael practically melts into Alex’s touch.
“I woke up next to Max. He passed out from healing me, but Isobel was there the entire night, worrying over us,”
Michael could feel Alex nod, and he continues.
“The first thing I felt was guilt, not for doing something so stupid, not really, but for dragging Max and Isobel into my own mess,” Michael laughs, and Alex’s heart aches. It’s self-deprecating and it’s empty and Alex wants to put the other man in a bubble where nothing could ever hurt him ever again.
“All my life, I’ve had nothing. Max and Isobel always had each other, and I told myself it’s okay. I’d find my own person too, right? Then I got moved around from one foster home to another, and I think every home took away a little more of my hope. None of them wanted me, Alex,” Michael couldn’t hold everything in anymore, he’s shaking and his cheeks are wet. Alex chose to stay quiet because he can see that Michael had more to say, and Alex wants to hear everything.
“I needed them to need me,” Michael says through his sobs.
“Fuck! I have telekinesis and I let them hit me. I never did anything to any of them. I never fought back, never tried to protect myself. I let them all do whatever they wanted to, because I thought maybe if they were done with being angry at me, they’d want me,”
Michael deflates, but Alex could still feel him shaking. Alex wipes away his own tears angrily, and he wants so badly to hurt every single person who’s ever wronged Michael. He wants them to hurt the way Michael was hurt, and then some more.
Alex held Michael a little longer, and then finally, brings his own hands to Michael’s face, and looks into those eyes he’s loved for what seems to be forever. He runs his fingers tenderly over Michael’s wrist, caressing what would be scars if not for Max’s healing powers.
“Did you want to hurt yourself tonight?” Alex asks, finally finding his voice.
Michael shifts slightly, before he nods, “Yeah, yeah, I did. There’s a bottle of bourbon in the airstream, and I almost - I wanted to drink until I was floating,”
“I’m so glad you came to me instead. If you ever, ever, need me, at any time of the day, call me, please call me, let me help. Let me come to you,” Alex says, as he covers Michael’s hand with his own. Alex would drop everything and anything to get to Michael, and he’s sure Michael would do the same for him.
“I need to say something,” Alex continues, he wants, no, needs to make sure that Michael is paying full attention. Michael nods, and sits upright so that they could both see each other.
“I need you, Michael. Please believe me when I say this. I regret so many things in life. So many. I regret not kissing you more, I regret not telling you I love you before I left, and I regret not staying with you more. Most of all, I regret leaving. I thought I was protecting you, from my dad, from me. It’s not an excuse, but I need you to know that I thought I was protecting you. I know now that I’m back, that I wasn’t. But, please Michael. Please, please, please, come to me whenever you need to. Come to me when things are bad, but also, come to me when things are good,” Alex presses a kiss to Michael’s forehead.
Michael’s eyes were teary, but he knows that he’ll be okay, not just today, and not just tomorrow. He’ll be okay, both of them will, because they will both heal with the support of each other. He’s finally found his person.
“I will always come home to you,” Michael replies.