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She was glad Dina wasn’t the first.
Not in terms of first time ever—Riley took that to her grave—but first time since she was bitten. Sometimes Ellie forgot the lingering, yet grotesque scar on her forearm, well-hidden beneath her shirts or jacket sleeves. But then Cat had kissed her and Ellie panicked, like she was in Boston with fresh blood gushing from the wound.
What if she infected Cat? Was that possible? Maybe. Just because her dumb mutation or whatever left her immune didn’t mean she couldn’t pass it to others. Something about being asymptomatic. She read about that in school once—yet another chapter in her life. It seemed like decades ago. So did her kiss with Cat.
But Cat didn’t turn into a fungal head. And Ellie wasn’t kissing her anymore—she kissed Dina. In front of everybody in Jackson.
And she loved being able to reciprocate without dread.
She still thought about it once she crashed in bed—the kiss, the warmth, the inevitable fallout. A new bout of dread bubbled in her stomach, depriving her of sleep and haunting her with absurd scenarios and outcomes. She squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to remember Dina’s soft lips and hot garbage smell.
She tried until she finally dozed off, then startled awake after what felt like two minutes. An impatient fist pounded at her front door. Ellie groaned and rubbed her eyes.
Then she tried to forget the previous night ever happened.
Easier said than done when someone was paired with her for patrols.
Ellie glanced at Dina instead of scouting the perimeter. Last night was a mistake according to Dina and Ellie nodded along… and yet her heart continued to skip when their eyes locked, when Dina’s lips curled up, when they shared a quiet moment overlooking the snowy mountains.
When Dina asked her to rate their kiss from the previous night.
Maybe it was the weed. Pfff, who was she kidding? One hit wasn’t enough to fog anyone’s thoughts, especially Dina’s. But there she was, exhaling smoke and gazing upon Ellie as if they were still dancing under fairy lights. Before Seth opened his dumb mouth and Joel stepped in to be Joel. Before all of that… it was them. Ellie liked that. Loved it, even.
Would you laugh at me if I said it was an eleven? she wanted to say, but didn’t.
Of course Dina thought otherwise. Ellie was neither a threat nor special. Just a girl. That didn’t change overnight. And yet Dina inched closer, taunting her with a smile that tugged both her lips and eyes. It was in her gradual lean forward, the tilt of her head, the glance at Ellie’s lips.
Another skip. Another moment of hesitation.
Then everything flowed.
Dina took ownership of initiating things last night, but the moment blurred as their lips crushed together. Hungry motions, barely slowing to gulp down air. Nothing but raw, fervent desire—as if it wasn’t their first time together, but the last.
Ellie crawled on top and Dina reclined, arms looped around Ellie’s neck—easily, naturally. She yearned to explore every inch of Dina and devour her in a blind lust. It burned through Ellie and settled between her legs until she moaned into Dina’s mouth. She swore Dina grinned somehow between kisses.
Good.
Clothing peeled away. Warm skin met and their bodies melted together. For every article of clothing chucked aside, Ellie kissed the exposed skin. She relished the hitch in Dina’s breath and the tiny tremors in her body. Even as she ghosted her clavicle and navel and hips, Ellie’s breath teased her enough to elicit the most delicate and enticing sounds.
And yet Ellie hesitated upon curling her fingers at the hem of Dina’s undershorts. A strained whimper left Dina.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, breathless. Concern and annoyance laced her words.
Ellie flicked her eyes up. If only she had a second to grab her journal and sketch the sight that sprawled on the couch. “Is this okay?” she asked in return. “If you don’t—”
A scoff, then a hand swatting her face. “Really? You ask that now?”
“I wanted to make sure—”
Dina cupped Ellie’s cheeks. A stray thumb smoothed over the corner of her mouth. “I’ve been sure for quite some time. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have agreed to tag along with you on this patrol.”
Ellie smirked. “I see how it is.”
“Shut up and keep going before I change my mind.”
Gentle laughter spilled from them, then Dina broke into gasps and decadent moans. She arched her back, rocked her hips against Ellie’s hand, and clung tightly onto Ellie’s scalp. The display alone almost shattered Ellie’s concentration. Dina had a reputation of doing just that, but this was different. This was thanks to Ellie and her fingers curling and stroking along Dina until she writhed and cooed.
Anxiety thrummed in Ellie; pleasing someone else wasn’t identical to pleasing herself at night. Still, she watched Dina while kissing her hip bone, waiting for the sharp gasps and trembles. Something lighter and slower better suited her, yet she purred and grinned when Ellie lengthened her strokes.
“Like that?” Ellie whispered into her stomach, right next to a faded scar.
“Exactly,” Dina breathed out, “like that.”
Who was she to argue? Ellie complied and Dina moaned, the vibrations pulsing in her abdomen and against Ellie’s lips.
She thought of Dina like this more often than she wanted to admit—squirming and begging and eager. Those fantasies didn’t include them on a couch in Eugene’s basement, but Ellie refused to be picky. Maybe if Dina humored Ellie for a repeat performance, she could do it right. Watch a movie together, cook something special for her. Definitely not wear the same clothes from the previous night. They could savor one another until the dark blue of twilight teased the skies. No early morning patrols, no other obligations except to curl into each other and bask in the aftermath.
One day. Ellie silently promised Dina a thousand soft moments as her fingers slicked between Dina’s thighs.
A broken cry shot into the room. Dina stiffened, then quaked. Moan after moan flooded out of her gaping lips. Ellie’s name danced on her tongue. All the while, Ellie maintained her pace, eyes locked on the lovely face tensing and relaxing. Because of her.
The intensity died. Dina hissed in shallow breaths. Her erratic cries softened to purrs as her body twitched. Ellie slowed her motions and smiled. Dina mirrored the expression, albeit lazily.
“So.” Ellie retracted her hand to suck her fingers clean. “On a scale of one to ten—”
“Oh, fuck you,” Dina chuckled out.
“That bad?” Ellie teased.
She loomed above Dina as she caught her breath. Sweat slicked her skin, strands of black hair sticking to her face. Dina licked her lips and gazed upon Ellie with heavy eyelids.
“Dreadful,” she managed to reply with a straight face. “The absolute worst. We should never do that again.”
Ellie snorted. “Alright, well, I guess I’ll be going—”
Dina latched onto Ellie’s waist and jerked her down. Ellie collapsed with a groan, but Dina’s cackle softened the blow.
“You need to learn to take a joke,” Dina said between breaths.
Ellie scoffed. “And you—” She nestled into what limited space was beside Dina. “—should stop dancing around the question.”
Dina wiggled in closer, bumping her nose against Ellie’s. “I like dancing. Especially with you.”
“Oh really? I had no idea.”
Silence fell between them, save for the rapid heartbeat pulsing in Ellie’s ears.
“The thing is,” Dina eventually murmured, “I don’t think a number scale would suffice. Not enough numbers to properly grade you.”
Ellie raised both eyebrows. She misheard that, right? She had to.
“I thought you said a ten would be a life-altering experience?”
No humor glowed in Dina’s eyes. “You already did that.”
Ellie blinked, ignoring how her stomach flipped and churned. “When?”
“Way back.” Dina kissed her shoulder. “Yeah, that’s about right.”
“Like, back when we first met way back or—”
“I’m not telling you that!”
Was she blushing? Or was it the glow from her recent climax? “Alright, fine. Be that way.” Ellie paused, then nestled closer, her face paralleled to Dina’s. “But… was this alright?”
Dina averted her gaze for a second. She chewed her lip. “No, it wasn’t alright.”
Ellie wanted to scream and didn’t care if clickers from Boston heard her.
Then Dina’s lips ghosted her own while she draped a leg over Ellie’s waist.
“It was perfect,” she whispered into her, a sultry hint on her tongue before sealing it with a kiss.
Ellie thought of that while Dina pushed her back, trailed curious hands over her own body, and returned the sentiment in kind. A fog settled into her thoughts before Dina worked those daft hands into her. It pulsed in Ellie with every passing second—perfect. Perhaps perfection varied from person to person, but for Ellie, it included the woman embracing her and coaxing her closer to a bliss she never obtained alone.
She wanted to taste it—overwhelming euphoria that numbed her from the bleak world. All because of Dina. With how swift her fingers moved against Ellie, she feared she could never return to solo sessions at midnight.
And Ellie’s suspicions were right; she relished it.
Ecstasy flooded her and she willingly drowned in it. She burned and thrummed. Every muscle spasmed and released out of sync. As quickly as it ravaged her, the sensation subsided like morning mist after an evening rainstorm. Ellie melted further into the couch, into Dina. Each inhale skittered in her dry throat. Blood pulsed from her head to her toes.
She almost didn’t register Dina peppering kisses up her neck and across her freckled face.
“There,” she whispered. “Better?”
What words even existed to describe what Ellie experienced? Had it been as good for Dina? The knowledge of their shared intimacy swelled in Ellie; perhaps she cherished that more than the act itself. Or maybe that was her foggy thoughts talking.
“Better?” she echoed. “Than what?”
Dina’s lips quirked, but she couldn’t hide that mischievous glint in her eyes. “A six?”
Ellie bit in the insides of her cheeks and shrugged as best as she could on her side on a cramped couch. “Eh.”
“Eh?!”
“Well, you know….” Ellie made vague, mindless motions with a free hand. “It wasn’t bad, but—”
Dina jabbed her shoulder and Ellie feigned immense pain.
“I’m going to leave your cute ass behind and say a pack of infected got you,” Dina threatened, yet the giggles lining her words said otherwise.
“You love it.”
Dina rolled her eyes—and smiled. “A six? Really? I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
“Nope.”
“Ugh. Lovely.”
Her shoulders relaxed and her head lolled to stare at the ceiling. After a breath, Ellie slipped an arm around her waist. She kissed the nook of her neck, loving how Dina’s breath hitched ever-so-slightly.
“Would you believe me if I said it was perfect?” she asked, coyer than she expected.
Ellie braced herself for Dina’s sass. She didn’t prepare, however, for the gorgeous face turning into hers and locking eyes. Something soft, yet intense, like embers struggling to survive.
“Yeah,” Dina murmured, nodding gently into Ellie.
She held her in the silence, submerging into that gaze so long as Dina regarded her beyond a simple glance. And she held her when they found their voices again and when they laughed at their random stories to pass the time and wait out the blizzard.
She would’ve held her until the end of if it meant Dina would always look at her.