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Gojou was a special child. He needed extra care since he was special. Gojou has a very rare disease which makes him only remember someone only in one week. It happened on his thirteenth birthday. Nobody knew what or how they triggered his memory but soon after that, he didn’t remember anything. At first, they thought he was just forgetful. It started when he forgets about things he did in the past. Then, things that he placed. Later, it was places, names, and faces. At one point he even asked his parents who they were. His parents wept day and night because they thought they had lost their only son to this strange illness. They didn’t know what to do about him.
The doctors suggested that they hire a caretaker to keep an eye over him and monitor his behavior and medication. They were hesitant at first because they didn’t want a stranger to be around their already forgetful child but years after, Gojou’s conditions were getting much worse. Slowly, he began reducing the days he could remember and now he could only hold his memory for about a week. They settled for a caretaker when he turned sixteen.
That morning, Gojou’s alarm woke him up. Another new week for Gojou. He read the letter next to the alarm every day.
“ Good morning Satoru. This is your mom and dad. You are our beloved son. This letter has a picture of us so you could remember our faces. Today, you will face a new day ahead of you. Remember that we love you and we held you dear to our hearts. Love, mom, and dad.”
Gojou looked at the picture of him and his parents when he was younger. It was the picture from his thirteenth birthday. He was smiling with a birthday cake smudged on his face. His parents were beside him, smiling along with him.
“ Time for breakfast.” He said as he put the letter and pictures back to their places. His room was filled with sticky notes everywhere. Constantly reminding him of where things were, what he should do if he forgets. He heads downstairs to greet his parents.
“ Good morning, mom. Good morning, dad.” He said.
“ Good morning, Satoru. Come, let’s have breakfast.” His mom said as he placed down his bowl of rice. “ Today, mom and dad have to work a little late so listen to what your caretaker says. We’ll try and be back as soon as possible. It’s only a three-day trip. You wouldn’t mind, right?”
“ Don’t worry about me. It’s the third day, you guys can focus on your work.” Gojou said, picking up his chopsticks. “ Fushiguro-san will take care of me. Trust him. It’s been nine months since he came and so far I’m doing well.”
“ I know, I know! We’re just not used to it yet. You adapted so well we couldn’t believe our eyes. We should thank Fushiguro-san for all his efforts.” His dad said, sipping his coffee.
“ I think Fushiguro-san would be flustered about it.” Gojou chuckled.
They talked a little more until the doorbell rang.
“ Ah, that must be him. I’ll get the door.” Gojou said. He looked behind him, making sure his parents weren't around. He opened the door, welcoming his caretaker with an annoyed face.
“ Toji.”
“ Satoru. They’re still here?” He replied lazily.
“ Just get in already.”
“ Already so feisty in the morning, huh? You’ll regret it later.”
“ Shut up.”
Toji silently followed Gojou to the dining room where his mom and dad are already getting ready to go.
“ We will miss you, Satoru. Fushiguro-san, please take care of him.”
“ I will. Please be at ease, your son is in good hands.” Toji bowed slightly and waved as they left. The moment he heard the door closed, he looked over to Gojou.
“ You were very rude, welcoming me like that.” Toji grabbed him by his collar, slamming him to the wall. Gojou hissed in pain, his eyes staring straight into Toji’s dark orbs.
“ Just be glad that my parents are still paying you for your shitty services.” He replied sharply.
“ Then, why don’t you fire me already?” Toji smirked.
“ Because I’m already being a burden to them.”
“ Why do you think so?”
“ Because I know so! Now, just leave me alone. ” Gojou begged.
Toji stared at Gojou. He was in pain, his eyes were red and he was shaking. Toji moved his hands from his collar to Gojou’s cheek. He leaned in and planted a kiss on his quivering lips. Gojou grabbed Toji’s shirt, gripping it tightly as he deepened the kiss.
“ Toji….” He breathed. “ No more.”
Toji didn’t listen and continued to kiss him until the shaking stopped. “ Focus on me, Satoru. Breathe.” Toji whispered. “ Hate me, despise me all you want but never hide anything from me. I can’t do my job properly if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“ I’m just one of your customers right? So, you comfort all of your patients like this?” Gojou said sarcastically, wiping his mouth. “ You’re disgusting aren’t you?”
Toji felt a sharp pain in his chest when he heard Gojou say that. Seeing him sad, or pained, or seeing him forget Toji was painful for him.
“ It’s better to be like this, Toji.”
“ Who knows,” Toji answered half-heartedly. He lightly pushed Gojou away, carrying his stuff to the guest room. “ Give me your finished homework so I can give you this new handouts. Don’t forget to take your medication before we’ll go out today. I’ll be unpacking for a while. If you need anything, just knock on the door.” He said as he disappeared quickly upstairs.
Gojou was left alone. He fell down to his knees, grabbing his chest. His heart couldn’t stop beating so quickly. His chest hurts so much that he wanted to scream for help. He wanted Toji to hold him in his arms and soothe him. He didn’t mean what he said towards him. He didn’t understand it either but every time he saw Toji, his heart would skip a beat, his palms would sweat and he was so comfortable around Toji but he was so mean to him. He didn’t understand this. He was conflicted by it.
Toji would argue with him, find his faults, mock him to the point where his fists were raised. Toji never really physically hurt him but there were times where he would hurt Gojou’s feelings that it felt like he was being punched in the face. When he did, he looked like he was hurting himself. He would wear this smug face but Gojou knew he was hurting. He didn't understand why Toji would do that to himself.
Gojou didn’t want to tell Toji, but he remembered. Gojou, since the day he lost his memory, he would usually forget things after a short period of time but not unpleasant memories. He noticed this when he heard his parents arguing with each other that one night.
“ You’re the reason why he’s like that!”
“ You’re blaming me? You gave birth to him.”
“ You raised him!”
“ We raised him. We did everything we could!”
“ Everything? You were so absorbed in your work you barely looked at Satoru. You didn’t see him all week and you think that’s okay?”
“ It’s my responsibility to make money for this family! You understand it too since we both have to work to pay his hospital bills!”
“ Fuck you! That doesn’t mean you could just neglect him like that. I have to do both the chores in this house and work and I still can at least bid him good morning!”
“Mom…? Dad?”
“ See, now he’s up.”
“ You were the one shouting!”
“ Shut up you bitch!”
“ This is all your fault. If you weren’t sick, we wouldn’t argue like this.”
“ Yeah, great job. Blame the kid!”
“ He’s the reason we’re like this. He’s a burden to us.”
“ Stop spouting nonsense! Satoru, just go back to bed.”
“ Who cares?! He’ll forget about it in a day. He’ll forget about us. I just want my baby boy to be normal again.”
Gojou remembered that night so vividly. His mother’s tears, his father’s tiredness, the screams, his silent cries as he slipped under the covers. Gojou Satoru was fifteen at that time. He wanted to forget about it but he couldn’t do it for days. The days after that, his mother and father were being so nice to him that he felt uncomfortable around them. It’s like they were strangers to him. He didn’t know them anymore.
Now, it’s happening with Toji. He remembered Toji because all his memories with Toji were bad ones yet, he couldn’t bring himself to hate Toji at all. It was the opposite.
“ Toji.” He knocked on the door. “ I’ll leave my homework in front of the door. You can give me the handouts later. I’ll-”
Toji opened the door, handing him a file. “ The new handouts. Finish them before next week. When it’s four p.m, I’ll call you and we’ll head out.” Toji said, closing the door even before Gojou could say a word. Gojou secluded himself in his room. He put the files on the table and headed straight to bed. He sat there and brought his hands to his lips, the ones that Toji kissed earlier. They still tingle from his sensation. Seeing Toji’s hurt face made a tear fall and rolled on his cheeks. He lay his head, his body curled up into a ball. He wanted to sleep now. He wanted to forget Fushiguro Toji. He didn’t want anything to do with him. Gojou fell asleep right after.
“ Satoru. Do you remember me still?”
“ Who are you?”
“ I’m…. Toji.”
“ Toji?”
“ That’s right. Remember that name, Satoru. If you couldn’t remember our conversations, our touches, our kisses, our smiles, please just remember that name.”
“ Have we met?”
“ Oh, countless times. Countless weeks. I can’t even remember how many times it has been since I told you the same thing over and over again. I would never want to give up, but… I’m reaching my limit.”
“ Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“ Satoru, you don’t know how many times I tried to make you remember. My love, if you could just remember me for more than a week, if we could share our love for more than a week, that would be more than enough for me.”
“ We loved each other?”
“ Dearly, my love. On every last day of the week, we would embrace each other and share a kiss. You would forget about it all over again so every time we did it, you would always think of it as our first kiss.”
“ ….”
“ Satoru... This would be the last time that I will tell you this. I don’t want to hurt myself or hurt you anymore. If you can’t remember me, I can’t force you to. I don’t want to see you hurt because of me. I’m sorry, Satoru. It’s for the best.”
“ Toji?”
Silence.
“ Toji?”
Silence.
“ Please come back.”
Silence.
“ Toji?”
Gojou woke up, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn’t remember the dream very well but it was very sad. He couldn't forget about Toji either. Instead, the feelings he held for Toji were getting stronger than ever that it suffocated him. There was a knock on the door and he quickly wiped his tears away.
“ Yes?”
“ Did you take your medication?”
“ I’m about to.”
“ Then hurry up. We’re going out after this.”
“ Alright. I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
Gojou reached inside his drawer and found a bottle with his medicine. He took a few and swallowed it quickly. He changed his shirt into something warmer and went downstairs where Toji was already waiting for him.
“ Let's go.”
“ Why do we do this every day?” Gojou asked.
“ So you'll at least recognize some of these places when you're out alone.”
“But, we can just do this every week or so. It doesn't have to be every day.”
“ The chances of your memory decreasing from time to time is still there. We don't want to risk a runaway without any memory of who he was or where he's from.”
“ Fine. It's not like I will run away.”
“ There's still a possibility.”
They stopped by a park, found a bench, and sat there for a while. They looked at the children playing around the swings. Some of them were playing on the slides and others were playing with a ball. One of them kicked it too high that it bounced right at Gojou's feet.
“ Hey, mister. We're sorry to bother you but can we have our ball back?” Said one of the children shyly.
“ Oh, this? Of course. Y'know what I'll play along with you.” Gojou smiled. He stood up and kicked the ball lightly to pass it to the kid.
“ Come, Toji. It will be fun!” Gojou said.
" No thanks. You go. Just don't go too far."
" Alright, you worrywart." he smiled.
Toji watched as Gojou played with the children. He was laughing again, smiling again. It was something that he rarely sees. Toji couldn't be more thankful to see him happy like this. He wanted Gojou to be happy again.
That night after dinner, Gojou went to his room to start on his homework. Inside, he saw a strange letter in a red envelope. He looked inside and it was from his parents.
Dear Satoru, our beloved son.
I hope you can forgive us for telling you this. Both of us decided to file a divorce. We aren't happy like we used to anymore. We don't love each other like we used to anymore. We didn't need each other like we used to anymore. What's the use of having a son who couldn't remember their own parents' faces? We are heartbroken to see you uncomfortable with us. It's like we weren't a family anymore. Inside this file are all the documents that you need to be with your new guardian, Fushiguro Toji.
He went to extreme lengths to not let us put you into an orphanage. You're still a child and we guess it's better for you to stay with him after all. Fushiguro has been looking after you for years now. You might not remember him but he was the man who loved you even before we hired him to be your caretaker. We didn't approve of your relationship at first. We even thought of reporting him to the police for harassing our son but after he begged us and pleaded to us, we decided to hire him.
It was back then when we decided we will busy ourselves with work so that we don't get too attached to you. Fushiguro really did what he's supposed to do, coming all the way here just to look after you. We didn't know how he did it but he paid us to let him stay with you. So, we did. We've been receiving money from him ever since. Satoru, listen to what he says. Never disobey him. Think of him as your new parent. You won't even remember we were there.
We love you dearly, Satoru. That's why we're letting you go. I hope you understand.
Your parents.
Gojou held his tears, trying not to let them spill out. His heart felt heavy, his eyes hurt, his head was spinning. Gojou couldn't take it in. Was it his fault for not telling them he remembered them even if it were just painful memories? Was it his fault that he was a burden to them? Was it his fault that his memory acted like this? Gojou couldn't stop blaming himself. He feels like he's drowning in guilt. Toji went to extreme lengths just because he loved Gojou so much that he's hurting himself to be with Gojou. He couldn't handle it. He was starting to hyperventilate. His vision was blurry. The last thing he saw was Toji opening the door and running towards him.
*
“ Satoru! Hang in there! Satoru!” Toji held Gojou's tired body close to him. “ I called the ambulance. They'll be here, sweetheart. They'll be here soon. Breathe, Satoru. Breathe.”
Satoru looked at Toji, his breathing was quick and shallow.
“To….Ji…”
Toji kissed him, giving him extra help by blowing oxygen in his mouth. “ Breathe, my love.” Toji did it again, sobbing. “ Don't leave me, Satoru.”
Gojou was getting weaker. His eyes could barely open anymore. With the last bit of his strength, he held Toji's hand and gave him a weak smile.
“ Do...n't… Cry.”
“ Please, please Satoru. Don't leave me for good. I love you, Satoru. Please, please don't leave me, sweetheart. I need you here with me.”
They arrived at the hospital, Toji followed them, constantly calling for Gojou so he would stay awake.
“ Sir, please leave us with the patient. You can’t go beyond these doors.”
“ Please, please…. Save him. He’s all I have….”
Gojou could hear Toji’s faint voice before he was welcomed with a bright light. He could hear other voices surrounding him but he couldn’t see them. After that, all he wanted was to fall asleep.
*
Toji sat beside Gojou for two weeks, taking care of him, checking on him every few hours for a sign. A twitch, a single movement. He couldn’t sleep well or eat well. Just when he thought he got him, now he’s losing him again. At this point, Toji didn’t mind if Gojou had forgotten about him entirely. He learned that he could always make new memories with Gojou. He wanted to stay there with him and be there for him.
Toji didn’t know the files were about their secret exchange. He also didn’t know that Gojou’s parents would hide that from him. He thought they would’ve given him time to think. Gojou just lost his family, the only thing he ever had. Toji held Gojou’s hand, kissing it softly.
“ It’s alright now, Satoru. I’ll take care of you.”
“ Toji?”
“ I’ll be there for you. We’ll be together for as long as you would like it.”
“ Toji! Can you hear me? Toji?”
“ Now, I just want you to wake up. Just, come back to me. I want to hold you again. I want to kiss you again. I don’t want to hurt you again. I want to know about you more. I want to show you everything that is beautiful in this world with you. I want to be your happiness.”
“ Toji! I’m right here! I want you too, Toji. I don’t care about whether I remember you or not. My feelings remember you, my body remembers you. Every part of me remembers you. I want you, Toji. I need you.”
“ I’ll never leave you alone again.”
Gojou wanted to see Toji again. He could hear him but his body wouldn’t listen to him. He couldn’t move a muscle. He wanted to see Toji again so he could tell Toji how he feels about him. No more lying to himself. No more lying to Toji.
Gojou saw a light right in front of him. He knew that was the only way out. He chased after the light, running as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to stay in the dark anymore. He wanted to be with Toji again. He ran. He didn’t stop running until his hands reached the light.
Gojou opened his eyes. He stared at the dimly lit ceiling. He looked around for Toji and found him by his bedside, his hand still holding his. Gojou wanted to talk but his voice was so hoarse and his throat felt so dry.
“....ji…” He croaked.
“....To...ji….” He tried again.
“....Toji.”
Toji looked up, Gojou gave him a weak smile. He immediately hugged him tightly, kissing his forehead. Toji was crying, Gojou was crying. They were together again.
“ Satoru, you came back to me! I thought I would never see you again.” Toji smiled.
“ Toji…”
“ You remembered me?” Toji asked. Gojou nodded. Toji cried harder, burying his face at the crook of Gojou’s neck. “ You remembered me. I’m so happy you remembered me, Satoru.”
“ I… love…. Toji.” Gojou said.
Toji was shocked to hear it. He stared at Gojou, not believing what he just heard.
“ Satoru-”
“ Love… you.”
Toji smiled, wiping his tears that wouldn't stop. “ I love you, Satoru. I love you so much. I will never leave you, my love. I promise you, I'll make you happy."
*
The skies were blue as they could ever be. The clouds were moving lazily. The sun was shining soft warm light, and Gojou welcomed them. He sat in the garden, surrounded by flowers as the record was softly playing classical music in the background. After a while, he started remembering more and more. His memory was with him now. All of it. The good memories and the bad memories, he wanted to embrace them all.
Four years, he couldn’t believe four years passed since his parents left him. He didn’t blame them. He had accepted them. He wondered about their well being from time to time, always wishing them well.
“ Satoru.”
“ Toji.”
He sat beside Gojou, wrapping his arms around him. “ It’s time for breakfast. Do you want to stay here a little longer?”
“ Yeah. I want to remember this moment.”
“ You always can.”
“ I know.” He chuckled.
“ Hey, Satoru?”
“ Yeah?”
Toji kissed him tenderly on the lips.
“ I love you.”
Gojou smiled.
“ I love you too.”