Archive of Our Own

Donghyuck took a moment – one brief, rare moment – to survey the living room for absolutely no reason other than to take in the sights. The expansive south-facing windows and their beige polyester curtains, the fireplace with souvenirs from around the world on the mantlepiece, the leather couches, the upright maple piano and matching guitar in the corner. Photos of people he didn’t know covered the walls. If he ignored the machete sitting on the coffee table, it looked so much like the home he used to know, the homes of the friends he’d visit after lacrosse practice.

And then the moment was over. “Should we move a table in front of the windows?” he asked, to no one in particular. “I don’t think those curtains do much.”

“I don’t think we have enough tables,” said Yangyang from the kitchen. “I don’t think this place even has a basement.”

Donghyuck hummed. The windows were framed with a flimsy kind of wood, easily smashed with the right tools.  “I’m just wondering if the Critters can get through them.”

Jaemin snorted. “If they do, then fuck, I guess.”

“Jaemin,” Jeno chided.

“Sorry.” Jaemin didn’t sound sorry. “I’m exhausted.”

“How do you think I feel being the only girl in a group of 12?” Yeri mumbled under her breath. She was close enough to Donghyuck that he could hear the not-so-polite names she called Jaemin as well.

“I think we’re as safe as we can be,” Chenle announced, hands on his hips. “Let’s just take inventory and have dinner and get some sleep, finally.”

“Word,” Dejun sighed.

And Donghyuck should’ve joined them. Whenever he was anxious, Johnny always used to sit him down and make him count things. It worked every single time.

He stared at the windows again. He’d counted them already – four of them, practically floor to ceiling, leading out into a far too vulnerable garden, and a mere fence between that and the farmlands beyond. Maybe if he stationed Lucas and Hendery on the roof, they could check how far their visibility went–

“Hey.”

Mark’s voice was gentle and whisper-soft, but there was a bass to it that always made Donghyuck listen. He looked over his shoulder to show he was listening. “Yeah?”

“I found a first-aid kit under the stairs. Come check it with me?”

Donghyuck couldn’t find it in himself to say no.

The cupboard under the stairs was suspiciously empty, considering a family of five had lived in this house. He wasn’t sure what they might have stored here – the cupboard in the Lee-Suh house had been filled with cardboard boxes, and Donghyuck doubted the family had fled with those on their backs.

“This is where they put their camping equipment, I think,” Mark said. “Found a couple of tent pegs lying around.” He picked up a gas canister. “We should take these along. They’ll come in handy.”

Donghyuck looked at the gas canister, and then focused outwards, on Marks’ glasses, his messy hair, him crouched in a cupboard under the stairs. “It’s like Harry Potter.”

Mark blinked. His eyes eased into a smile. “I know right? It’s even got a lightbulb and everything.” Mark reached over and flicked a switch right next to Donghyuck’s ear, illuminating the cupboard in an ugly tungsten glow. “Yo, wait, are you talking about my glasses?”

Donghyuck chuckled dryly. “Yeah.” He shuffled further in, but kept one foot out the door. The cupboard was still weirdly empty – and yeah, it made sense that the family would take the camping equipment with them, but this was a big cupboard–

He swiped a finger across one of the shelves. It came up clean. “No dust.”

He turned to see Mark watching him with narrowed eyes. The med student checked the shelf for himself and stared at his clean finger with a frown. He sighed. “We might not be the first ones here.”

“We’re in country Kansas. No houses around for miles. Who else has been here?”

“Other groups? I don’t know. All I know is we haven’t slept in two days and we need it. You need it.”

Donghyuck swallowed. He didn’t want to tell Mark that he wouldn’t sleep well regardless, and he had a feeling Mark knew.

Mark flicked his knee. “I’ll keep watch with you tonight.”

Yeah. Mark knew.

Donghyuck took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Donghyuck counted band-aids until there were none, then gauzes, then epipens. It struck him as odd that whoever had used this house as temporary shelter before them hadn’t taken the entire kit with him, but he reminded himself that the others hadn’t slept in two days, and he kept counting. He focused on the numbers and tried not to notice how, every once in a while, Mark would stop to stare at him.

On some Sunday afternoons, after lacrosse was over and their parents had gone shopping without them, he and Johnny would watch a movie together. Most of the time it was a horror movie, and Donghyuck used to revel in the bloodshed, the chaos, the suspense that led to nothing more than a crappy jumpscare. But Johnny, ever the sensitive, would have some dumb, sentimental take-away, like how the couple who were under pain of death chose to spend that time with each other.

“They literally died, Johnny,” Donghyuck had told him, one time.

“Yeah, but isn’t it beautiful that they chose to die together?” Johnny had replied. “Life is so short. If I knew I was going to die soon, I think I’d want to make sure the people I care about know I love them.”

Now that Donghyuck actually was on the run from sudden death, he knew it wasn’t so simple. It had crossed his mind once or twice, sure, that he should probably tell Mark how he felt before one of them got speared in the chest by a Critter. But the majority of the time, he was too focused on making sure they didn’t get anywhere near a Critter. He didn’t have the brain space for anything else.

(Johnny had never told him he loved him. He’d never had the opportunity.)

“That’s done.” Mark’s voice was quiet again, like he knew Donghyuck was thinking. Or, at least, that he knew that Donghyuck was thinking too deeply. “Come on. I think I heard Chenle say he was thinking of something fancy tonight.”

“Something fancy…?” Donghyuck considered their options. They’d been eating stews and sausages for two weeks, ever since the last small town they’d raided. Donghyuck hadn’t seen any actual crops on the farm, which made sense considering no one was here to cultivate them.

He followed Mark out to the kitchen to find Chenle, Jaemin and Dejun standing around the island, hands on their hips, staring down at a recipe book. Chenle looked up, and a large, almost forced smile graced his lips – not the classic ray-of-sunshine smile he’d been known for before the invasion, but a break from the dreary nonetheless.

“Hey, you two,” he said. “We found flour, garlic powder and olive oil, so I’m thinking: spaghetti aglio e olio.”

Mark scrunched his nose. “How old is that stuff?”

“There were maggots in the flour,” Dejun stated.

Chenle shrugged. “Still salvageable.”

“There’s a barbecue on the deck out the back. We’ve got those pheasants we shot from earlier–”

Donghyuck shook his head. “No. Barbecues smell. Might as well light a flare and tell the Critters where we are.”

Whatever else Dejun had to say, he let it out in a hiss. Jaemin, who had been pointedly avoiding Donghyuck’s gaze the entire time, finally took it on himself to look up. “Do you want the maggot flour, then, dear leader?”

Donghyuck took a slow, steady breath.

“Uh,” Mark started, “I don’t think–”

“Sure,” Donghyuck interrupted. “How bad can it be?”

Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “Okay. Pasta it is.”

“Cool!” Chenle chirped, far too quickly. Donghyuck hadn’t missed him watching their exchange nervously. “It’ll be great! We’ll make extra pasta so we can store it for the next leg of our trip. It’ll be good to finally get some carbs!”

“What’s the point in running from the Critters if we’re just going to die from maggot flour?” Dejun muttered under his breath. Donghyuck didn’t stay to hear the rest of it, or Mark begin a lecture about how off food was definitely not a good idea.

He made his way to the dining table, where Yeri, Yangyang and Jisung had separated the food into perishables and non-perishables. Jeno and Hendery sat on the floor with a miserably small array of new weapons: two pistols and a slingshot.

“You and Jaemin still fighting?” asked Jisung quietly. Despite his efforts, Jaemin could probably still hear them.

“If Jaemin still has a problem with me, he can use his words,” Donghyuck announced. He kneeled next to Hendery and picked up one of the pistols. It felt empty. “Is this all we have?”

Jeno nodded. “No ammo either. And I’m pretty sure this other pistol is fake.”

“Are we still searching upstairs?”

“Yeah. Well, Renjun and Lucas are. They’ve been up there a while.”

Donghyuck placed his head in his hands. “Who sent them together? They’re probably just making out.”

“At least some of us are,” Hendery sighed.

“We don’t have the time for indulgences.” Donghyuck pushed out of his kneeling position with a groan. God, his bones felt sore. “Let me go check on them.”

“Oh my god, let’s barge in with our weapons.” Yangyang’s eyes were annoyingly bright. “Pretty sure Lucas would piss himself.”

Donghyuck cringed. “No.”

Yangyang huffed. “I miss when you used to be fun.”

The others snickered. Jisung, in particular, looked a cross between scandalised and in awe.

“If you want to get strangled by Renjun,” Donghyuck gestured in the direction of the stairs, “Be my guest. But I think we have enough problems without infighting, don’t you think?”

“Bit rich coming from you, isn’t it?” Yeri said.

He couldn’t argue with Yeri. Ever. “I’m gonna check on them.”

He passed by the kitchen, ignoring Jaemin’s stare, letting Mark’s voice distract him momentarily – (“But even if you take the maggots out, you know that, like, they’ve been in there a while, right? Like they’re not just sitting there in the flour, they’re moving around. You know that, right?”) – and made his way to the stairs. They didn’t creak the way stairs did when they hadn’t been used in a long time.

Everything about this farmhouse set him on edge.

He found Lucas and Renjun in the first room he checked, closest to the stairway, standing very much apart. The room looked like a hurricane had blown through it.

“We found clothes!” Renjun said, holding up two flannel jackets. “If we wash them today and put them out to dry by a fire, then–”

“You want to set a fire at night?” Donghyuck asked.

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Or we don’t wash them.”

“This is the master bedroom,” Lucas explained. “The husband’s clothes fit me, so they’ll fit anyone, I think. I noticed in the pictures that one of their kids is older, too, so I think we have something for everyone."

“By everyone he means Yeri,” added Renjun.

“I mean you, too, tiny.”

“Bitch.”

“Okay. Good.” Donghyuck looked around, but all he could see was fabric, mostly in piles except for the one neatly folded stack sitting next to Lucas. “Did you find anything else? Something more useful?”

Renjun frowned. “Clothes are useful.”

Donghyuck closed his eyes. “Yes. They are. Did you find anything else useful?”

“So far in this room there are only clothes.”

“And the other rooms?”

“We haven’t checked those.”

Donghyuck inspected the couple’s faces. He noted their swollen lips with disdain. “Whatever,” he sighed. “Keep searching. I’ll send Jeno up to help you. Chenle’s making maggot pasta, so be done by then.”

“Maggot pa–”

The sound of glass and wood smashing interrupted whatever Renjun was about to say, and Donghyuck started running, pulling his shotgun out its holster because he knew it – knew it was those damned windows, the ones they didn’t have the time or resources to board up, the one whose curtains through light still shone which is why he’d insisted on keeping all the lights off, who’d turned on the lights–

The kitchen light was on. Jaemin.

Donghyuck stayed on the stairs where he knew he’d be out of sight but could still survey some of what was happening in the living room. Everyone had their weapons drawn at those large cursed windows, but judging by all the directions they were pointing it, it seemed they were surrounded. Mark, Jaemin, Dejun and Chenle were further back by the kitchen, unarmed except for Mark’s bow and arrow, which he had trained and ready to shoot.

“You weren’t invited in here,” a foreign voice said. Definitely human. Donghyuck felt a tiny bit of air leave his chest. “And if you aren’t invited, then as far as I’m concerned, you’re not welcome.”

“We didn’t realise it was occupied,” said Jeno, somewhere out of sight. “If we knew it was occupied, we wouldn’t have come here.”

Donghyuck felt himself being watched. He found Jaemin staring at him from the corner of his eyes, then very slowly move his chin towards the kitchen, where their weapons sat on the counter.

‘How many,’ Donghyuck mouthed.

Jaemin’s eyes glanced down. Donghyuck looked to his hands, both behind his back, fingers splayed wide open.

Ten of them.

He looked up. Lucas and Renjun stood at the railing, rifle and machete at the ready. He raised one finger, and then a fist.

“Just kill them,” one of the new voices said. “We can use their bodies as bait for the Critters when we want to keep them away from here.”

“Jaehyun, we can’t do that. They’re still human.”

Donghyuck blinked. The last voice was a carbon copy of his step-father’s, except for the slight lisp. He knew that voice.

He leapt down the stairs two at a time, ignoring the hiss of “Donghyuck, no!” coming from Mark, till he was in full view of the new group. There were plenty of them, but he found what he thought he would in no time – his head stood out the top like a sore thumb, unforgettable despite the stubble.

“Johnny?” he breathed.

Johnny’s eyes bore into his. A few blinks later, they grew to the size of the moon. “Hyuckie?”

“Johnny!” He didn’t really care that he was running into a group holding military-grade weaponry, didn’t care that he could definitely die, because Johnny was running towards him too.

“Put your weapons down, that’s my brother!” Johnny had his arms wide open and Donghyuck ran straight into them, taking in the smell of sweat and blood, familiar after the invasion but unfamiliar on his brother. He took in the feeling of Johnny’s arms around him, just as heavy as they used to be, along with the scratch of the stubble against his forehead that he definitely wasn’t used to. Johnny was same but different; Donghyuck felt like he was 18 and leaving for college again.

“I thought you were dead,” Donghyuck breathed. He felt his eyes sting and moved his nose up and above Johnny’s shoulder, so the tears threatening to fall wouldn’t stain his jacket.

“I’m safe,” Johnny murmured. He rubbed his back the way he had when Donghyuck had experienced his first ever breakup. “I’m safe. You’re safe. Oh my god, you’re safe.”

Donghyuck was vaguely aware of the stares of his friends. These were people that he’d spent a year bossing around, making sure they stayed alive, stayed on top of staying alive. These were the people he’d been hard on in a way that he didn’t need to be, if only to deal with his own stress more than anyone else’s. But these people had known him years longer as Donghyuck Lee-Suh, campus prankster, life of the party.

None of them had ever seen him as Donghyuck Lee-Suh, the little brother.

“I guess we aren’t killing them,” one of the strangers said. Johnny’s crew. God, Johnny had his own set of people.

Donghyuck cracked an eye open. Out of all the strangers in the room, the one that stuck out to him the most was a man that Donghyuck might have found striking one day, Now, all he could focus on was his sniper rifle. It was lowered, but only slightly.

“No,” the man said, catching Donghyuck’s eye. “Guess not.”

------------

One of the new guys – Johnny had referred to him as Taeil – led them through one of the barn’s side doors. Like second nature, Donghyuck scanned the place as soon as he stepped inside, his shotgun still in his arms, though the safety was on.

It was a musty but neat operation. Canvas sheets and old papers sat between important things, like food and clothes. There were no shelves and very few desks and tables, but everything was sectioned off. Donghyuck couldn’t spot or smell any kind of toilet, but there was no mistaking the scent of men occupying a space without running water.

They’d been here a while.

“This is disgusting,” Yeri whispered. “Ten more people and all of them are men with no sense of hygiene. I’d like the Critters to take me now.”

Donghyuck’s lip curled before he could stop it.

“Ooh, is that a smile, dear leader?” Yeri nudged his elbow. “Are we finally having a laugh again?”

“Shut up.”

“They’ve got so much water,” said Jaemin lowly. Donghyuck followed his gaze to the gallons of bottles sitting in a corner. “How do they have so much water?”

“This seems like a base,” Lucas whispered.

Donghyuck eyed the main entrance of the barn, large and imposing. Bars of iron sat across the bottom of the door, held up by hooks. Towards the top, those became sheets of corrugated tin. They would have needed time, manpower, to work on this.

“Before sleeping, we move the furniture to barricade the door,” said a voice next to his ear. Donghyuck turned to find a man with soft brown hair and a slightly upturned nose at his shoulder. He looked tired and on edge the same way every human they’d come across since the invasion tended to look, but there was still something in his face that made Donghyuck want to trust him.

“That won’t stop the Critters.”

“No, it won’t, but we have lookouts for that. Anyone on the roof can see what’s coming from a mile away.”

“Besides, this is a dead spot, isn’t it?” Mark asked. Donghyuck didn’t know he’d been close by, and if his breath hitched slightly, no one indicated they’d noticed. “We saw that the water works on the property were turned off. No water flow means the Critters don’t want to come here.”

The man blinked. “Yeah. How did you–?”

“I was possessed once.”

Donghyuck held his breath. He didn’t have to look at Mark to know what he looked like – head bowed, thumbs twiddling. He felt the urge to hold his hand, but it wasn’t the time.

“Oh. I see.”

“He’s clear now.” Donghyuck turned around and fixed his eyes on the stranger’s. He couldn’t see any sign of distaste or pity or… anything, really. “The worm’s been removed. It’s been two weeks.”

The man pursed his lips. “I mean, if he hasn’t complained too much about being here, then I believe you.”

“He hasn’t.”

“Hm. We had a Critter on the team once, too. Right at the beginning, before we know about the worms. Scary good at getting us to flowing water.”

“Oh man,” Mark mumbled, “How long did you have to wait before you got the worm removed?”

The stranger’s lip quivered. “We didn’t.”

Donghyuck’s shoulders sunk. He chanced a quick look at Mark, whose eyes looked like they were focused on nothing. “Mark–”

“Kun.” Johnny sounded much like he did when Donghyuck would sit in on his volleyball practices – deep, imposing, taking no prisoners. “The kids have food with them. Doyoung’s started taking stock.”

“I’ll join them.” The man’s face – Kun’s face – was still hard to decipher, especially when he took another look in Mark’s direction. As he headed off, Johnny turned to his brother.

“Does your group have a leader?” he asked. “One of the other kids said it was you.”

Donghyuck bristled. “We’re not kids.” He paused. He glanced at Mark to see if he was listening. (He wasn’t.) “And I’m not the leader. It’s just a joke.”

Johnny tilted his head and gave him a lopsided smile. “Okay, not-the-leader-it’s-just-a-joke. One of our not-leaders wants to talk to you.”

Donghyuck considered asking Mark to come along, but one look at his face told him Mark needed to be alone. He followed his brother through the barn to a table full of weapons, lamps, and a suspicious amount of open bottles of alcohol. At the other end of the table stood the same beautiful man Donghyuck had seen earlier standing at the head of their ambush. In the low light of the portable lamps, he could make out a tiny scar near his brow. He appeared to be in conversation with Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin, the latter of whom noticed Donghyuck watching and quickly looked away.

“Taeyong, this is my brother, Donghyuck. Donghyuck, Taeyong. You’ve met our other not-leader already, Kun.”

Taeyong extended an arm. “So you’re in charge here.”

Donghyuck laughed nervously, shaking his hand. “I guess I’m kind of bossy.”

Jeno snorted. “Kind of.”

“Hyuckie was debating captain in high school,” Johnny said proudly. “And he used to coach the middle school lacrosse team. Leadership comes naturally to him.” Donghyuck pretended not to hear Renjun’s open snickering. “Besides, it’s good to have a leader with a sense of humour, eh, Taeyong?”

Donghyuck winced, both at Taeyong’s glare and the idea that he still had a sense of humour. Jaemin seemed to share the same sentiment.

“A sense of humour? I don’t think he has one anymore. Pretty sure it’d kill him to make a single joke.”

Donghyuck ignored his brother’s frown and his teammates pointed teeth-sucking. “Was there anything you wanted from me?”

“I wanted to compare stock.” Taeyong crossed his arms. “And I wanted to ask you a few questions. If that’s alright?”

“That’s cool. I’m pretty sure you guys have more than we do.”

“Way more,” Renjun agreed.

“We’ve been travelling this whole time,” Donghyuck explained. “Place to place. We assumed that’s what everyone had been doing, but I guess you guys have set up here.”

Taeyong nodded. “For now. We’ve been here about two months. Not long in the scheme of things.”

“It’s proved safe so far,” Johnny added.

“Helps that we spend days at a time gathering more stock. But we wouldn’t really call ourselves nomads.”

“It’s a good location,” Donghyuck admitted. “Nothing around for ages. We’re lucky we even found the place.”

“You damn well are. Where was the last place you stopped?”

“Wichita.”

Taeyong pursed his lips. “That’s quite a way away.”

“We had to get as far away from there as possible.”

“Nearly got ourselves killed there,” Jaemin added, “Didn’t we, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck blinked his anger away. He wasn’t about to start an argument in front of Johnny and his friends. “We found ourselves in a situation that was very dangerous, but we all got out of there alive.”

Taeyong eyed the exchange carefully. Donghyuck could almost see the gears turning in his head. “Congratulations on surviving, then. There are twelve of you, yes? That’s a big number.”

“We manage. Ten is a big number, too.”

“We used to be bigger. Almost double the size. We had quite a bit of… infighting, though.”

“Hear hear,” Renjun muttered under his breath. Jeno nudged him in the side.

“We manage,” Donghyuck repeated firmly.

Taeyong hummed. “You were all in college, weren’t you? What were your majors?”

Donghyuck hadn’t been asked that in a long time. “Well, most of us were liberal arts. Hendery was in engineering, Chenle and Jaemin were comp sci and Mark was in pre-med. I was studying drama–”

“So Mark and Hendery are the most useful ones out of all of you.”

Donghyuck felt his nostrils flare. “Define useful.”

“Here’s the thing – Johnny wants to merge your group with ours. But we don’t have the resources to manage twelve whole new people. You have to stay, I guess, since you’re family and all that, but the rest of you–”

“Wait a minute–”

“We’ve been on the run for a year, surviving on next to nothing,” Renjun said, eyes narrowed. “Does the fact that we’re still alive mean nothing to you? Have we accumulated no skills on the way?”

“And even then,” Jeno added, pushing up his glasses, “We didn’t agree to a merger. We didn’t even know about a merger. Donghyuck, did you–?”

“No.” Donghyuck gave his brother a pointed look; Johnny looked the other way. “I would have appreciated a heads up.”

Johnny chewed on his lip. “I just think the more the merrier. I mean, look at them – they look like shit. They could use a bath. You can’t tell me you don’t feel bad for them.”

“I don’t feel bad enough to let them live with us, Johnny.”

“They don’t have to! They can take the house. They were already going to stay there overnight, why can’t they just keep staying? Just as an option,” Johnny addressed the boys quickly, “If you wanted to. They can get their own food and supplies and everything, we don’t have to share, but… come on, this isn’t going to make it harder for us.”

The idea of having a home base to stay in, a consistent bed to sleep in, was tempting. The last time he or any of the others had had one was the hospital, and that didn’t end up being quite so comfortable in the end.

But apart from Johnny, these were a bunch of strangers – a bunch of strangers who definitely did not trust him.

“We need time,” Donghyuck said. “I need to discuss it with my group. With everyone.”

“And so do we,” Taeyong agreed. “I need to talk to Kun and everyone else. It’s a suggestion, Johnny. We’ll think about it carefully.”

“Thank you,” Johnny nodded. He sounded earnest, like he believed the leader.

“Until then,” Taeyong turned to Donghyuck, “You can sleep in the house. We’d let you sleep in the barn, but we’re pretty full, and I suspect the house is more comfortable anyway.”

“You smashed the windows,” Jeno pointed out.

“Huh. That we did.”

“We’ve got plenty of spare planks here,” Johnny said. “We can board them up. It won’t protect from the cold, but–”

“That’s all we need,” Donghyuck said. The night air was nothing they weren’t used to. “We’ll take it. Won’t we?”

Jaemin stretched his arms behind his back. “I’ll definitely take a bed over a mattress on a dirt floor.”

“Donghyuck and Jaemin agreeing? Who’d have thunk?”

“Sleep with one eye open, Renjun.”

As they were leaving, Donghyuck felt a tug on his sleeve. As he turned around, Johnny’s hand gripped his arm. “I’m so happy to have you here,” he said.

His smile was small but it extended to his eyes, nonetheless. It was pure, unbridled happiness, and Donghyuck felt his own face relax, the usual stress and wrinkles melt away.

He tried to pack as much of the same pure, unbridled happiness into his response: “I’m happy to see you too, Johnny.”

------------

Ironically it was Jaehyun, the guy who’d suggested to kill them upon first meeting, that was one of the few tasked with helping them board up the windows. He was apparently plenty friendly if you weren’t prey; he and Yangyang had been discussing video games that Donghyuck used to play – that he used to play with Yangyang – and everything seemed almost normal. Not normal in the sense that they weren’t running from aliens, no, but normal like Mark had never been possessed, normal like they hadn’t just had to run hundreds of miles for their lives on next to no food, normal like he hadn’t just met the brother that he’d long assumed dead.

“I wonder how my residents are doing in Animal Crossing,” Jaehyun mused.

“Animal Crossing?” Yangyang scoffed. “That game’s for babies.”

“Says you. Your ears are too big for your head. Just like a baby.”

Donghyuck wanted to like Jaehyun. He might have instantly liked him, once.

“I found another mattress!” Lucas boomed from the backdoor. “It’s like broken, though.”  

“Coming!” Hendery was done with his and Mark’s bed, anyway, and there was no more Donghyuck could do to help. Just as he leapt to his feet, though, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll do it.” Hendery nodded in the general direction of the barn. “Go, be with your brother. I know you’ve been dying to.”

That went without saying. But Donghyuck had been holding himself back – it felt weird, after a whole year of putting other people’s needs first, to actually do something for himself.

He didn’t even realise he was looking around the room for something to do until Yeri stepped into his eyeline. “Hey! We’re good here, Hyuckie. You can go now.”

Bless Yeri and her knack of diffusing the thoughts in his head.

Donghyuck made his way towards the barn, making sure to take the path near the hedges that would hide him from view. It was obvious, now, that the Critters wouldn’t find them here, but he wasn’t going to take any chances, and he had noticed many of the other group doing the same. As he got closer to the barn, though, he started to hear voices.

“I just think twelve is more than we can control. If we just took Donghyuck and those other two, we could manage. Even if one of them steals from us, we can deal with it.”

“I don’t think Donghyuck would let his friends steal from us. He’s not that kind of person.”

“Johnny, you couldn’t even trust your own boyfriend.”

“C’mon, Ten, that’s a low blow.”

“I’m right, though.”

“It’s not Sehun’s fault he was possessed.”

“It doesn’t even have to be about Sehun. That whole group used to keep sneaking more supplies than they needed to. And remember when Matthew kept funnelling our food for his friends? These guys clearly have a lot less than us. There’s nothing stopping them from taking what’s ours.”

“I get that we can’t trust them, but it’s not like they’re Critters. We’re all just trying to survive. Besides, they can pull their own weight if they join us. They have so far.”

“I think if they’ve made it this far on their own, then they can keep going.”

“I don’t think this is a complicated an issue as you’re making it out to be, Yuta. More people means more protection. If someone steps out of line, we kick them out. Is that so hard?”

“I mean, as long as you have your brother, does it really matter what happens to the rest of them?”

Donghyuck decided this was the point to get out of his kneeling position by the door and let himself in. There were six of them gathered around the same table he’d met Taeyong at earlier, and they all turned to stare at him when he was entering.

“What’s up, Hyuckie?” Johnny asked.

“I’ve run out of things to do.”

Johnny’s lips quirked upward. “I think we’re due for a perimeter check, aren’t we, boys?”

“We didn’t get around to it once we noticed the house was occupied,” Kun agreed. “So yeah, go ahead.”

Johnny picked a large semi-automatic off the table and hoisted it onto his back. “You armed, kiddo?”

Donghyuck patted his shoulder. “Sure am.”  

“Then let’s go.”

They had a golf cart. Donghyuck almost laughed when he saw it. It made sense having a vehicle to check the grounds with, considering the amount of land they had to cover was so big and the lack of creeks and irrigation meant the likelihood of Critters hearing them was low. But the fact that it was a golf cart, of all things.

“You should’ve been there when we first found it.” Johnny handed Donghyuck a torch, which is when Donghyuck realised the sun was starting to set. “We were camping out at a golf course when we got ambushed by Critters. Sicheng hotwired this thing and we had to drive it all the way across Kansas City. There were, like, five of us hanging out the sides and back and with our guns – bet we looked ridiculous.” Johnny chuckled, “And the worst part was, it was still loud! So we kept attracting Critter attention as we drove down the road, and we had to shoot everything. A heavily armed golf cart. Would’ve been funny to see from a distance – like a tank for seniors.”

Johnny’s tone was so light and easy, joking about running for his life. Donghyuck eyed the scratches up and down his brother’s arms, not dissimilar to that on his own. Running was the new normal, sure, but Donghyuck still hadn’t figured out how to find it funny.

“So do you always use this to travel around?”

“Nah. Usually just for things like perimeter checks, or getting food from the preserves.” Johnny opened a console under the steering wheel and fiddled around inside with a screwdriver he’d pulled out of his pocket. “Petrol is hard to come by, so we try to walk as much as possible. This has definitely been handy, though.”

The golf cart spluttered to life; apparently Johnny knew how to hotwire a car, too. Donghyuck filed the information away for safekeeping and jumped into the passenger seat, right as Johnny pushed the cart into drive.

It was weird, not knowing everything about his brother anymore.

“How do you keep meat around without attracting attention?”

Johnny shrugged. “Not sure. We preserve it with salt, and I think that takes away a lot of the smell, but I don’t think any of us know for sure that it’s safe. They’re not big pieces of meat though. Just rabbits and birds and things.”

“They’re easy to carry.”

“Yeah. They carry all kinds of diseases, but what can you do?”

Donghyuck snorted. “Go vegetarian.”

“Oh man, I tried to stay vegetarian at the start.”

“No!”

“I did! Legumes are great, you can store them forever! But no one wants to spend the extra effort trying to find them.”

“No shit! Wait, were you still insisting on a special menu when the world was ending?”

“I still feel uncomfortable eating meat, okay? If I didn’t need the protein to get through every day, I’d still be sticking to it.”

“You’re ridiculous. I remember when you used to get Korean barbecue with me without making me feel guilty.”

“I always felt guilty, I just didn’t impose it on you.”

“Liar. You love the taste of beef.”

“Maybe in the time I’m consuming chadolbaegi I forget that I’m eating a cow. Sue me.”

Donghyuck didn’t even realise he was smiling till he felt the skin stretch uncomfortably around his face. “Ow.”

“What’s wrong? What happened.”

Donghyuck rubbed the side of his mouth. “Nothing. I’m just not used to smiling, I think.”

Johnny snorted. “Wow, you really have become grumpy. Your friend Jaemin mentioned it but I never would’ve imagined you of all people becoming a sourpuss.”

Donghyuck licked his lips, bit back a rude response. “The invasion changed me, I guess.” He waited a moment, glanced at Johnny for any tells that he was about to say anything, but he only caught his brother frowning. “This whole group that I’m with, we knew each other in college. We’ve all changed. The Critters do that to people.” He looked at Johnny properly this time. “Except you. I don’t think you’ve changed that much.”

Johnny smiled thinly. “Oh, I’ve changed. You’re right, we all have. But you remember what mom used to tell us about sunflowers?”  

“Sunflowers always face the sun, and so should we,” Donghyuck recited. “Of course I do.”

“That’s what I try to do. Every day. Especially since–” Johnny’s hands clutched the wheel. “I think you’ve figured out that Sehun is no longer with me.”

“…Yeah.”

“Ever since he died, I’ve tried to remind myself that there are things worth living for. That I’m not surviving just to survive. Pretty sure I wouldn’t still be around if I didn’t keep looking for the sun.”

Donghyuck felt his stomach twist. Johnny had said so much; it was only fair if he repaid the favour. “I wish I could think like that. Every once in a while, I see how tired everyone is, and I want to cheer them up, but all I can think about is what I can do to make sure everyone’s as safe as possible. Like, that’s all my brain has the energy for.”

Johnny hummed. “I guess you just need someone to remind you there’s more to it, then.”

Donghyuck considered it. If he stayed, it could be Johnny. But Johnny’s group already seemed like they had a good thing going. Donghyuck wasn’t sure he could fit into that. He wasn’t sure if Johnny even had room for another downer in his life.

His traitorous mind drifted to Mark. There were plenty of jokesters among his friends – Hendery, Yangyang, Yeri – but none of their jokes and games lifted his mood quite the same way Mark could just by talking to him. A simple “we’ll be okay” from Mark made him feel like he might actually be okay.

He shook the thought away. “Yeah,” he finally conceded. “Guess I do.”

------------

The barn had been arranged with boxes and tables of mismatched heights to fit all 22 of them. With five cooks in total, they’d managed an impressive spread of various stored meats, as well as the pheasants they’d caught earlier, marinated and ready for barbecue on hotplates, both real and makeshift. By the time Donghyuck and Johnny got back, everyone had already started to get seated.

“Shall we say Grace?” Mark asked.

“Are you serious?” one of Johnny’s group snorted. Mark simply stared back, as did all their other friends. “Is he being serious?”

Mark said nothing. Donghyuck watched the barn’s residents shift uncomfortably.

“Alright,” Taeyong said. “Mark, is it? Lead the way.”

Donghyuck pressed his hands together. He already knew the drill.

“Be present at our table, Lord,” Mark said. Donghyuck recited the words in his head before Mark could get to them, like a game. “Be here and everywhere adored. These mercies bless and grant, that we may feast in fellowship with Thee. Amen.”

“Amen,” Donghyuck repeated, followed by a fragmented chorus of the same and a few confused signs of the Cross around the table. He tried not to laugh.

“Let’s eat,” Mark grinned, reaching for the tongs. Sighs of relief resounded the barn.

Johnny leaned into his ear. “Kind reminds you of that one youth camp we went to, doesn’t it?”

“I’d rather not remember it.”

Johnny snickered. “Gracious God, we have sinned against Thee–”

“Please stop talking.”

It was the best meal Donghyuck had had in a long time. That included the hospital back in Wichita, where they had access to actual fresh vegetables, but that turned out to be a dodgy operation. The vegetables in this meal were pickled, but whoever pickled them must’ve been some kind of professional chef.

The rest of his group seemed to agree. Jaemin, Dejun and Chenle were more than competent cooks, and they’d kept them alive and even happy at times, but all of them had just been students living on instant noodles before the invasion. None of them had had quite the kitchen experience that Johnny’s much older group did.

“I swear that was real kimchi,” Lucas swooned, as they walked back to the house. “Like, actual kimchi.”

“It wasn’t exactly kimchi,” Renjun said, “But it was really similar.”

“Taeyong made it,” Chenle chirped. “You know that really grumpy, really hot guy that sat at the head of the table.”

“He made it? Isn’t he, like, their president or something?”

Yeri snorted. “President. Okay, Mark.”

“Presidents can make kimchi, though,” Dejun said.

“I just kind of assumed presidents have people, like, make kimchi for them,” Mark explained.

“Maybe he’s not president, then.”

They continued to bicker, talking for the sake of talking, and Donghyuck listened with a faint, forced smile on his face; people could have been watching from the barn. Johnny, at least, was definitely watching, because Donghyuck was expected to be on night duty soon.

But once they were all inside and the door was closed, Jeno’s previously jovial expression hardened. “Are we actually going to stay here?”

Chenle perked up. “Stay? What do you mean?”

Suddenly, Donghyuck and Jeno had everyone’s attention. They were spread out across the living room, no one quite getting to where they wanted to go yet, but Hendery was halfway through pulling the strap of his rifle over his head, and Jisung had dumped his jacket on the couch. Everyone had frozen in their spot, waiting for them to continue.

Jeno looked at Donghyuck, who sighed. “Taeyong offered for us to stay here. In this house, or the barn, or whatever. Potentially share resources, or mark out some common ones, or something. We haven’t worked out the details.”

“And?” Yeri asked. “What did you say?”

“I said we need time. There’s a lot to think about.”

“It would be nice to have a place to stay,” Dejun sighed. “I know it’s unrealistic to think it’ll be forever, but–”

“Sleeping indoors is always good,” Yangyang agreed.

“I don’t know,” Jisung said. “I don’t feel comfortable here.”

“I don’t think we can feel comfortable anywhere,” Chenle pointed out.

“Yeah, but… I don’t know. Does anyone else feel on edge, or is that just me?”

“I’m with you,” Jaemin said.

“Me too,” Renjun added. “The option of privacy here is tempting, but–”

“So tempting,” Lucas added with vigour.

“Lucas.”

“Maybe we should vote,” suggested Jeno. “Put our heads down and stick our thumbs up for yes and no?”

“Isn’t that just seven up?” Dejun asked. “Like we played in elementary school?”

Yangyang laughed. “How do we vote if our heads are down?”

Yeri stepped in before Jeno could rip Yangyang’s head off. “Okay. What does our dear leader want to do?”

Donghyuck did not expect to suddenly be put on the spot, but if anyone would do it, it was Yeri. “Uh… well, a vote is a good idea, yeah. But I don’t feel like I have enough information to make a decision.”

“Exactly,” Jaemin stepped in. “There’s still a lot we don’t know. They clearly have a lot of resources, but we don’t know where they’re getting it from, we don’t know how far the closest town is from here if we need to make a quick escape. Not to mention they could turn on us at any minute.”

Mark nodded. “Wichita.”

Everyone else bowed their head, but Donghyuck let himself watch Mark. The doctor-in-training’s eyes were glazed over, looking at nothing in particular. Eventually, he realised he was being watched and his gaze caught Donghyuck’s for a brief, brief second before quickly averting itself.

“So what should we tell them?” Mark asked.

Donghyuck considered Johnny’s hopeful expression when they were talking to Taeyong, and how happy he sounded when he was talking about their life at the farm and everything they could still do together. All the things he and Johnny still had to catch up on.

He looked at Mark, then at everyone else.

“We tell them exactly that. We need more time.”

“It’s settled then.” In an instant, Yeri undid strap tying her crossbow to her arm, making her way further into the house. “Card games, anyone? I’m tired, but I don’t feel like sleeping yet.”

“I think I saw Monopoly in one of the rooms upstairs.”

“Do you want us dead, Yangyang?”

Donghyuck stayed for two rounds of poker – they used bullets as chips – after which it was time for him to go, and everyone was feeling drowsy anyway. He was tossing up between taking a detour to barn for coffee (they had coffee!) when Mark stopped him just outside the door. “Need help getting on the roof?”

Donghyuck swallowed. “Yeah, sure.”

The easiest way to get onto the roof was through the attic. It was the dustiest place in the house, obviously untouched in a year, and the window was just big enough to crawl through. It reminded Donghyuck of his own bedroom back home; he’d crawl out of it and sit on the roof when he needed time alone, away from parents, away from Johnny, away from the messages on his phone. He hadn’t told anyone about it, but he suspected his family knew. He appreciated that they’d never brought it up.

Donghyuck knew, this time, to cover his mouth with his sweater before trying to push the window open. It wasn’t as bad as the first time they’d done it, but he still found himself coughing, and next to him, Mark’s glasses were covered.

He pulled a sleeve over his hand and wiped the dust off of Mark’s glasses with his wrist. “There.”

Mark blinked, and Donghyuck tried not to laugh as he almost went cross-eyed inspecting his glasses while they were on. He definitely forgot how to laugh when Mark held his gaze again. “Thanks.”

He threw a leg over the window sill. “Don’t mention it.”

The ledge on the outside was just big enough to fit the width of one of his feet. He inched his leg slowly forward until he could swing his other one around as well, and as soon as he was stable, he grabbed onto the dormer and hoisted himself up, scrambling till he was safely straddling the edge. From there, it was just carefully balancing himself so he could finally sit on top of the house, right next to the weathervane, terracotta tiles digging uncomfortably into his bottom. He looked over his shoulder to see Johnny sitting much more easily on the thatched roof of the barn, the slope of it much more gradual than that of the farmhouse. He pulled a torch out of the inside of his shirt and flashed it twice in his direction. A beat later, a light blinked twice back.

“Whoa, this is difficult.”

Donghyuck startled, nearly jumping out of his seat. He grabbed Mark’s arms as they reached up for his, one knee on the dormer. “What are you doing? You don’t even have any weapons on you.”

“You’ve got your rifle, don’t you?” Mark wheezed as he tried to pull himself up. He decided against climbing all the way and settled sitting sideways on the dormer, feet resting on the slight upward curve of its edge. “I’m not sleepy, so I thought I’d keep you company.”  

“It’s not like you and Hendery would talk if he was awake, anyway.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Mark shrugged. “I don’t hate Hendery, I can talk to him if I have no one else to talk to. But I have you, right now.”

Donghyuck felt like if he didn’t have a solid grip on the tiles he was sitting on, he might have fallen right off. He nods at the fields before him. “And you have the view.”

Mark doesn’t turn around. “And I have the view.”

Donghyuck grips the tiles tighter. He searches for something, anything to say. “Mark.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot today.”

The not-smile on Mark’s face turned into something that was definitely not a smile. “I space out very often.”

“Yeah, but… you mentioned being possessed today. And Wichita.”

Mark finally turned his body away from Donghyuck. “Yeah, well. Needed to be clear, didn’t I?”

Donghyuck let Mark kick at the tiles near his feet, let him stare out into space for a few silent minutes. After which he stretched his leg out and gently nudged Mark with his foot.

Mark looked ready to leap off the roof. He glared at Donghyuck. “Dude.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“You are asking me to talk? Who are you and what’ve you done with Donghyuck Lee-Suh?”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “I’m just concerned you won’t be in top shape if you keep phasing in and out of reality like that.”

Mark pressed his lips together like he was trying not to smile too hard. Donghyuck felt himself grip the tiles again, only to let go when Mark reached over and pinched him on the leg.

“Ow!”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’ll be fine. Or, at least, as fine as I can be.” Mark grinned. “I’ve been through a lot, but it happened, and like, I’m still here. I have to believe I’m still here for a reason. So I keep going, y’know?”

 It was strangely reminiscent of the conversation he had with Johnny. It struck him that everyone around him might have found a reason to survive beyond just mere surviving, and never shared it with him.

Or perhaps they’d tried to share it with him, and he’d turned them down.

He didn’t have to stop himself from thinking too hard, because a bright beam of light shined directly onto Mark’s face, nearly blinding him. Three beats, and it was off. Donghyuck turned around to see another figure on the barn, although in the dark and from this far away, he couldn’t make out who it is. It definitely had two legs, though, so he didn’t have to worry about an attack.

“Yo,” Mark mused, having Donghyuck turn back around whiplash fast. “It’s the overprotective brother. I think I better get going.”

“You should rest, anyway. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.”

Mark grinned wryly. “Tell me about it.” Gingerly, Mark felt his way down to the window ledge. “Try not to doze off up there. Don’t think you’ll survive a nap.”

“Har har. Sleep tight.”

“As tight as I can sleep next to my ex.” And with one final wave, Mark disappeared through the window.

Donghyuck watched the space he once occupied, before looking back towards the barn again. Whoever had joined Johnny on the roof was still there. All Donghyuck could make out was two shadows sitting next to each other, suspiciously close.

He decided it didn’t matter. There were too many potentials and Donghyuck really needed to focus on the fields around him.

He leaned against the weathervane and settled in for a long night.

------------

“Down there, that’s Scheria. Or at least, we think it’s Scheria. As you can see, it’s not much.”

Jungwoo was right; the town wasn’t much. Donghyuck could make out three or four houses and the moderately tall spire of a church. He couldn’t spot any Critter buggies or the like, but Jungwoo had mentioned a creek up ahead, so no doubt they were close by if they weren’t already there.

Johnny headed the group. Their tactics seemed very similar to Donghyuck’s own – one person in front as an antenna, feeling out potential danger, clearing a path for everyone else. Now, he held his semi-automatic close to his face, pointing it wherever his head turned to look. When he was halfway across the road, he pointed his hand towards the rest of the group and flicked to fingers towards the other side.

“Let’s go,” Jungwoo whispered. Donghyuck kept his shotgun at the ready, covering the areas Jungwoo’s rifle could not as they ran across the dirt road. They’d chosen a spot with plenty of tree and bush cover on the other side, so they could easily duck behind something should they come under attack. Donghyuck sprinted straight for one of the larger bushes and lay half-pressed to the ground; Jungwoo joined him soon after. He waited, barely breathing, for Johnny to appear in front of him – and soon enough he did, rifle raised, slowly striding further into the forest.

The creek itself was less than a mile away. It was tiny where they arrived, but Sicheng told them about a spot where it was wider and deep enough to bathe, and then proceeded to lead the way for Yeri and Renjun. (Lucas wanted to join them, but Yeri would not have it.)

Donghyuck slid the one-gallon bottle off his back and placed it in the water, letting it fill up. Leaves and rocks and dirt made their way in, but Jungwoo assured him that they had a filtration system to clean it up – mostly.

“Just get as much as you can in there. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Donghyuck only had the one bottle, but the buffer members of their group – Lucas, Jaehyun, Taeil – had more. He watched as Yuta strapped two bottles onto Taeil’s back, and turned around so Taeil could do the same for him. Some took the time to splash some water on their faces, the back of their necks.

Donghyuck was about to do the same, when a yelp called him to alert.

“Critters!” Sicheng’s feet pounded the ground as he ran towards them, Yeri and Renjun right at his heels. “Critters by the deep end! I think they spotted us.”

Donghyuck’s cocked his shotgun without even thinking about it. He scanned around for his group – everyone had their weapons ready to fire.

“To the town,” Kun said. He didn’t need to elaborate. They couldn’t outrun the Critters, who ran much, much faster than them, and the town would provide them better cover than the trees could in an actual fight. As soon as Sicheng and the others caught up with them, they ran for the road in the general direction of the church. No one in particular was leading the front because everyone seemed to know where they needed to go.

“Fuck!” Yangyang yelped, “I see them!”

Donghyuck turned around right as Mark, Yeri, and everyone else aimed with long-range weapons ran towards the back of their group, bows and guns aimed at the sizeable crew of Critters swiftly making their way towards them. Six legs propelled them scarily close, and Donghyuck found his legs moving faster, harder. They were unarmed, which means, at least, that the Critters were caught off guard just as much as they were.

As he ran, he heard shots fire, he heard the unmistakable hiss of Critters, and he heard clashes. He kept running, checking over his shoulder every few steps only to make sure everyone was still alive. At some point, Lucas ran back and Donghyuck heard the unmistakable sound of knife through flesh.

He checked behind him again.  Jeno was further behind the rest, fighting a Critter off with his bow. Lucas was still pulling Renjun out of danger’s way, so Donghyuck pulls back, shoots it in the leg and pulls Jeno to safety.

Jeno doesn’t thank him. He doesn’t have to.

The church was old and decrepit enough that Jaehyun and one of the others could use sheer force to break their way in. Donghyuck hunched over to avoid the splinters and immediately rushed for the pews, ducking for cover. The remaining Critters were right on their heels, and Donghyuck knew there’d be more coming. They couldn’t stay in the Church for long.

He shot blindly. Critters were made tough and one shot wasn’t often enough – he could see them wince in pain, but where that might have stopped him a year ago, it didn’t stop him anymore.

There was a human yelp Donghyuck had never heard before. He whipped his head around to see Johnny being pulled out of his hiding place by the leg, Critter claws digging into his scalp. Donghyuck felt his heart beat and every inch of his body wanting to move, but there was another Critter in between him and his brother and all he could do was watch as Johnny shot twice in his captive’s direction before having his rifle ripped from his arms.

“No!” Donghyuck screamed. He watched in horror as the Critter’s claws wrapped around his head, and he was ready to close his eyes, look away from the inevitable, when the alien suddenly fell to the ground.

Donghyuck couldn’t see either of them. He waited with bated breath until finally – finally – Johnny stood up, rifle back in his arms.

He let himself close his eyes for one second, and then as soon as he opened it, he started to shoot.

“They’re down!” he heard Taeyong shout. How long it had been since they started, he didn’t know. He forced himself up and ran straight for his brother, latching onto his arm. Johnny was limping, his head and leg were bleeding, but he still had a smile on his face. The alien lay on the ground next to him, eyes dull and glassy, one of Mark’s arrows in his head.

“I’m okay,” he grinned at Donghyuck, though his smile wasn’t as wide as the one he’d seen the past few days, and his words slurred together. Kun, who was wrapping a piece of cloth that looked like it was ripped out of his own jacket around the wound, didn’t even acknowledge him. “’Tis but a scratch.”

“’Tis but a scratch, my ass.” Donghyuck could see blood seep through the cloth even as Kun kept wrapping it, and his leg didn’t look in much better shape.

“Can you walk?” Kun asked quietly.

“Yeah,” replied Johnny, all too quickly.

“Is your leg hurting right now?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then you can’t walk.” Kun tied the makeshift bandage on his head with a knot. He sighed. “We’re going to have to check you for worms, too.”  

“We don’t have that kind of time,” Doyoung said.

“What other option do we have?” Kun asked tiredly, “Leave him here for the Critters?”  

As soon as Kun said it, Donghyuck realised that was probably what some of them intended to do. Doyoung averted his gaze, as did a few of the others – Yuta, Jaehyun, Sicheng. He looked at his brother, head lolled to the side and close to passed out.

Donghyuck’s chest felt hot. “Have you guys done this before? Leave your injured behind?”

No one answered him. Donghyuck wondered just how big this group used to be.

Jaemin spoke up. “There’s not a lot of cover between here and the farm. We probably won’t be fast enough for any Critters on their way now, and it’ll be a waste of resources to fight them off.”

“…Jaemin’s got a point,” Dejun added.

Donghyuck couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you guys listening to yourself? We have never left anyone behind because they were injured.”

Jaemin stared daggers into his forehead. “And where did that get us, Donghyuck? Or are you forgetting that’s exactly what led us to Wichita in the first place?”

“It’s easy for you to say when it’s not someone you love that you have to leave behind!”

“We’re wasting time,” Kun announced. Donghyuck felt his heart race when the man reached over and undid the straps holding the water bottles to Johnny’s back.

“What are you doing?”

Kun ignored him, standing to look at the group instead. “Taeyong, get everyone out of here. Johnny and I will make our way on our own.”

Taeyong grit his teeth. “Kun–”

“It’ll keep as many people alive as possible. It’s better this way.” Kun turned to Donghyuck. “You can stay with me if you want.”

Donghyuck very much did want. But before he could say so, Mark stepped forward. “Can I join you? I was in pre-med–”

“Sure. You were possessed too, weren’t you? We’ll have to stop and check for worms on the way. You’ll come in handy then.”

“Uh, cool.”

“Donghyuck.” Donghyuck whipped around. Jaemin had an arm extended out; his face looked more tired than apologetic, but there was definitely some kind of apology in there, somewhere. “I hope you make it. Honestly.”

Donghyuck bit his tongue. “Yeah.”

“I don’t want you to…” Jaemin sighed. “…I’m sorry this keeps happening to the people that are important to you. I still think – I mean, I wouldn’t–”   

Something in his stomach, that had been buzzing around for weeks, came to settle. “I get it,” he told his former roommate. “Just get everyone back safely.”

Jaemin grinned. “Yes, boss.”

Mark helped Kun hoist an unconscious, heavy Johnny onto his back. The church had well cleared out by the time they were ready to go, with Donghyuck and Mark taking on most of the supplies Johnny was carrying. Donghyuck swore he might’ve seen Critters in the distance.

“Hey, Kun,” he said, after he’d led them all across the road – Kun and Johnny in the middle, Mark with his bow cocked in the back.  

“Hm?”

“Thanks for taking Johnny with you.”

Kun licked his lips. “It’s like you said. It’s different when it’s someone you love.”

Donghyuck wasn’t supposed to be looking behind him, considering Mark had that covered, but he couldn’t help it. Kun looked back at him like he hadn’t said anything that was a big deal, and behind him, he could see Mark break protocol to stare openly at him, too.

“Can you guys stick to your roles? I hope I didn’t get the two most useless spotters to look after us.”

Donghyuck about-turned, resisting the urge to pretend he’d been doing the right thing all along. He couldn’t, of course, because Kun had seen him. He felt like he was in college again.

Maybe there were benefits to Johnny being knocked out.

------------

Under the cover of trees, Kun finally set Johnny down on the ground. It wasn’t the first time they’d stopped – they’d done so briefly to feed Johnny the honey water Kun kept handy in his care pack, or adjust his bandages – but it was a proper stop-and-rest this time. Donghyuck was surprised they hadn’t run into any Critters on the way, but apparently this was to be expected; the further away from the creek they got, the less likely they were to run into anything. It was possible the Critters that attacked them signalled for others, but more often than not, they didn’t bother making the trip this far away from flowing water.

Donghyuck was glad Kun knew the land well.

“We’ll look at his injuries first.” Kun moved like he hadn’t just carried a dead weight on his back for almost an hour, swiftly and deftly unwrapping the cloth around Johnny’s head. “Are you awake, Johnny?”

Johnny’s head keeled forward. He’d regained consciousness at some point during the trip, but must have passed out again. There was nothing much they could do to keep him awake and watch their hides, so they let him sleep.

Kun patted his cheek. “I know you can hear me.”

Johnny groaned. “Hhhng, ynnh.”

“There you are. I’m going to have to check your wounds. It might hurt.”

“Mm.”

Johnny winced as Kun slowly peeled the cloth away from his wound, but didn’t otherwise make a noise. In fact, Mark looked much more bothered than him, making all kinds of faces as the bloodied thing came away.

“Good news: you haven’t actually bled that much,” Kun mused. “You won’t need stitches. Bad news: this is going to make inspecting for worms a lot harder.”

“Why?” Mark asked. “How do you check for worms?”

Kun winced. “It’s not pretty.” He pointed at his backpack. “Get me some antiseptic, and a washcloth, please. We learnt it from another group we ran into, but… you know how the worms tend to slither out the holes if the head’s close to flowing water?”

Mark passed him the cloth and the water. “Yes.”

Kun squirted the antispectic onto the cloth. “Yeah, so we waterboard them, kind of.”

“You what?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Minus the cloth, obviously.” Johnny hissed in pain and Kun murmured quiet words of probably comfort – Donghyuck wasn’t sure, he couldn’t hear him. Kun had barely twitched at both Donghyuck and Mark’s expressions of shock and horror. “We do it every time someone’s been hurt by a Critter. That’s how the worms get in. Injury.”

That much Donghyuck knew – Mark’s possession came not very long after a bad gash on his shoulder. He remembered Mark calmly instructing a panicked Jisung on how to stitch him up.

“How many times have you had to waterboard someone?” Donghyuck asked

“Well, Johnny here has had it done twice.”

“You waterboarded him twice?”

“I volunteered for it,” Johnny said. “Ten out of ten, would do it again.”

Kun bit his lip. “Doubt someone possessed would say shit like that, but I have to check, anyway. Cream.”

Mark pulled a half-empty tube out of the first aid kit and handed it over. “Okay, but, there are other ways, like… you don’t have to waterboard them to check. The doctor at Wichita did not waterboard me.”

For the first time, Kun looked away from the task in front of him. “Oh?”

“All you need is water flow, right? You just gotta,” Mark gestured tipping a bottle over. “Pour it out. Close to the ear. That’s closest to the brain.”

“Huh. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“You’re telling me I got waterboarded twice for no reason?”

“What happened to ten out of ten, you’d do it again?”

Donghyuck should’ve been keeping guard, but instead, he watched Johnny joke around with Kun as he and Mark dressed his wound, whinge whenever things hurt just a little, complain about dumb things like the colour of the bandages in Mark’s first-aid kit. He’d seen his brother in many a relationship before, and every single one had been different, a new Johnny he’d never seen before.

This Johnny, in contrast, was familiar. He was a little reminiscent of the Johnny that had returned home for his first Christmas since he started college, a Johnny that Donghyuck suddenly didn’t know everything about. A mix of family and stranger.

A Johnny that didn’t need his brother around.

Donghyuck shifted uncomfortably through Kun’s lecture about potential infections that could still kill Johnny as he stitched up his leg wound with supplies they’d salvaged from an abandoned vet clinic. He’d heard it before, from Mark, especially right at the beginning when they realised he didn’t have everything he needed to actually stitch someone up, and it hadn’t been easy then; he’d come to care for the people he travelled with, in some way, shape or form. But they’d been lucky with regards to infections so far. Donghyuck hoped that would extend to his brother today.

“Okay.” Kun stepped away once he’d asked all the questions he needed to ask. Johnny moved his leg around, wincing as he tried to roll his ankle. “Don’t do that. Mark? Tell me what you need from me.”

“Okay.” Mark cracked his knuckles. “Okay, uh, just a torch, for now. I might need you to pour the water out, too.”

Mark’s hand shook as he shone a light into Johnny’s ear, directing Kun to tip the water just so, a stream not too small but not so much that they’d run out quickly.

“How long does this usually take?” Johnny asked.

“Not long. Like I said, they come out the ears first.”

“The doctor who treated you must know an awful lot about ear worms,” Kun mused.

Mark cleared his throat. “Yeah, well, he was a trafficker. He got all his information from the Critters. He, uh… he tried to recruit me to traffic for him.”

Donghyuck felt his gaze shift from Johnny’s ear to Mark’s face. He had always known that’s what happened, but this was the first time Mark – or anyone in their group – had verbally confirmed it. The idea of humans selling other humans to the Critters made him feel sick to the stomach. He wasn’t sure how long it had been happening at that hospital in Wichita, how many humans that doctor had sold out.

“Oh,” Mark breathed, after a long silence. “Oh, shit.”

Kun raised an eyebrow, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a worm.”

Donghyuck felt his heart slow. He watched his brother freeze in his seat, watched Kun slowly tilt the bottle back up so it wasn’t spilling water anymore.

“What does it look like?” Johnny’s voice was low, a little timid. Donghyuck wondered how he had the capacity to even think about something like that, instead of panic – his own heart felt like it was beating right out of his chest.

“Silver. Wispy. They all do.”

“How do you get it out?” Kun asked.

Mark swallowed. “Tweezers. Really long tweezers and blind yanking. Unless you have an otoscope.”  

“We don’t have that.”

“So, yeah. Just that. And pray, I guess.”

Donghyuck didn’t know much about medicine, but nothing about that sounded safe. Ears weren’t just empty canals to the brain – there were other things there, he was pretty sure. It could ruin Johnny’s hearing, maybe more. He wished he’d paid more attention when his seventh-grade science teacher was covering anatomy.

Kun exhaled long and slow, through his nose. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

Mark’s took a moment before he sprung to action. “Uh. Okay. I need tweezers, for starters. Maybe, Johnny, if you can lie down on your side?” Mark met Donghyuck’s eye. “Keep watch. I’ll tell you if I need anything.”

Wordlessly, Johnny did as he was told. Donghyuck could tell there was a lot that he wanted to say but held back, though for whose benefit, he didn’t know. Donghyuck himself knew from experience over the past year that Mark preferred a quiet, calm environment to work, so despite the overwhelming desire to tell Johnny he loved him and that he was going to be okay, he kept it to himself.

Mark moved Johnny’s head so it rested on an angle. After some deliberation, he took off his own jacket, rolled it into a ball, and rested it under Johnny’s cheek.

“Do you need me to hold him steady?” Kun asked.

“No. I need you to keep pouring water.” Mark placed a knee across Johnny’s neck and jaw. “This will have to do. Johnny, I’m so sorry, dude, but this is gonna hurt. A lot.”

“Hosanna,” Johnny sang quietly, “Loud Hosanna.”

Donghyuck knew it was a joke – neither of them was religious anymore – and he knew it was more for Donghyuck’s benefit than anything else. But he couldn’t bring himself to smile, anyway.

Mark, on the other hand, didn’t get it. “That’s good. That’s a good one. Keep singing.”

Johnny sang the rest of the hymn in earnest. Donghyuck tried to guess the words in his head before he sang them, let the mental game distract him from what was actually happening. When he couldn’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong, he forced himself to focus on all the times Mark had fixed them up and done it well. Forced himself to remember that he was still standing.

Johnny yelped in pain and Donghyuck screwed his eyes shut. That would defeat the purpose of keeping guard, though, so he stared aggressively at the horizon, ignoring all the cries of anguish behind him. He should’ve been an expert at it by now, but now he was finding it particularly hard. Mark said things and Kun said things, but Donghyuck tuned it out. He stared at the grass. The trees. The fields without any crops. Bales of hay long abandoned. The birds in the sky – he stared particularly hard at those, watching to make sure they made their flight uninterrupted. He breathed louder, just so he could hear the sounds his own body was making over everything else.

“Donghyuck?”

He glared at a fencepost in the distance.

“Donghyuck!”

He blinked. A matchbox was shoved into his free hand, and Donghyuck looked up to see Kun rushing towards him, then Kun’s hands holding something only half the length of his pinky finger, silver, wispy, writhing. Donghyuck had never seen a worm in person before.

“Quick!” Kun ordered. “Set it on fire!”

Donghyuck shoved his shotgun under his arm and slid open the matchbox, and a match was lit in a second. He held it to the worm and Kun dropped it to the ground when the fire got too close to his fingers.

Donghyuck thought he could hear it scream. Whatever the noise was, it stopped as soon as it was charred black, and Kun pressed his boot to it.

It was quiet. Donghyuck realised Johnny wasn’t making any noises anymore and his eyes shifted to his brother, who was lying with his hand pressed to his head, face screwed up in pain. Mark held a cloth to the ear he’d been operating on, his expression the same kind of grim it had been all day.

“Thank you,” said Kun.  

Donghyuck took a deep breath. “Is it done?”

“It’s done.”

“And is he–”

“Johnny’s eardrum has been ruptured,” Mark interrupted. “But other than that, he’s fine.”

“It should heal in a few weeks,” added Kun. “If it doesn’t get infected.”

“What happens if he gets infected?” asks Donghyuck.

Kun smiled grimly. “Hearing loss at best.”

“Try sitting up,” he heard Mark say. Donghyuck watched Mark help his brother very, very slowly into a sitting position. “Is the pain lessening?”

“Yeah,” responded Johnny. “It’s definitely getting less with time. I feel like I hear a ringing, though.”

“Good. How does your head feel?”

“I feel kind of dizzy now that I’m sitting up.”

“That’s normal. You’re going to experience vertigo for a while, I’m afraid.”

“He’s a fantastic medic.” Kun’s comment leeched Donghyuck’s attention back to himself. He had been looking at Mark, too. “It would be nice to have him as an assistant. But I suspect he doesn’t want to stay here.”   

Donghyuck frowned. “You think so?”

“I don’t really know him, but he’s the only doctor in your crew, isn’t he? I can’t see him leaving you behind.”

Kun said “you” like he assumed Donghyuck wasn’t going to stay either.

------------

It was sundown by the time they got back to the barn. They’d used up all their reserve snacks and most of their water just keeping Kun standing and walking. They’d learnt the hard way that he was the only one with the base strength required to carry a six-foot-one heap of pure muscle on his back; Donghyuck and Mark’s attempts to help Johnny walk himself had provided useless. Johnny spent most of the trip sleeping because the movement made him feel dizzy and nauseous. He had a gauze strapped to his ear alongside all his other bandages, but he still looked somewhat peaceful, asleep on Kun’s shoulders.

They saw Jisung on the roof of the farmhouse first. “Donghyuck! Oh my god.” He nearly fell off the roof scrambling towards the edge. “Hey! Uh, Doyoung!” He shone his torch towards the barn. “They’re back! All four of them!”

In the distance, Doyoung held a hand to his face and craned his neck looking at them. Donghyuck wanted to laugh at how quickly his posture changed, from alert to surprised, to flailing to get off the roof.

Kun yawned. “So much for that nap I’ve been looking forward to.”

Donghyuck laughed, though it came out more like a cough because of how dry his throat was. He supposed Kun would be able to afford a nap, considering they had a place like this.

As soon as they entered through the barn’s side door, Johnny was taken off Kun’s back and rustled away, and before Donghyuck could even think about catching Kun as he collapsed, someone had done it for him. For a group of people ready to leave Johnny to die just that morning, they seemed to care an awful lot about him now. Donghyuck watched Doyoung apologise to Johnny until Mark had to push him and everyone else away because they were crowding him. Elsewhere, Sicheng had sat Kun down at one of their tables with hot bowl of food. Donghyuck thought it looked like pasta. He hoped it wasn’t the maggot pasta.

“Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck saw and felt flannel at first, before he registered that it was Jaemin hugging him, bony hands digging into the back of his shirt. He threw his shotgun on the ground and hugged his friend back, allowing his body to feel the relief his brain did. He felt hands pat his shoulders, rub his back, ruffle his hair. He let himself get passed from body to body and stole a rare, rare moment to just feel good about it.

“You’re unhurt,” Renjun smiled. Donghyuck blinked his eyes open – he hadn’t even realised they were closed – and saw that most of their group had gone, probably to check on Mark. Only Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin remained.

“You’re not surprised that I’m alive,” Donghyuck murmured.

“Not in the least.”

“We knew you’d make it,” Jeno said. “We just didn’t know how.”

Jaemin tilted his head. “How’s your brother? Is he…?”

“Alive and well.” Donghyuck stretched his lips thin. “He might end up deaf in one ear, but he’ll take it.”

“That’s good. That’s very good.”

“I still think you’re full of shit, by the way.”

“I might be full of shit, but I’ll still argue that I’m more efficient than you.”

“Political science majors, am I right?” Renjun joked.

Donghyuck smiled. That’s all he had the energy for.

The barn residents treated him and Mark to a dinner that wasn’t quite the feast that they’d had the previous night, but Donghyuck didn’t mind. He was famished, and the way Mark was eating, it seemed he was, too.

They hadn’t talked much on the way back, or while they ate. There was a strange tension between them, like there were things that they probably should have been saying – Donghyuck could certainly think of a few things – but neither of them was willing to take the first step. And perhaps it wasn’t the right time for discussion, with how he was struggling to be conscious.

When they got back to the farm house, Donghyuck found all their belongings packed in their usual bundles, lined up by the door. “What’s this?”

Jaemin looked up from where he was arranging his mattress. He was nonchalant as he said, “We’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

Ah.

Donghyuck thought about Johnny. The happiness that Johnny had made him feel – unadulterated happiness, no strings attached. He thought about all the injuries he’d sustained that day, the leg that would take weeks to heal, the ear that likely never would. He thought about what was probably Kun sitting on the roof with Johnny the night before, and the no-nonsense but still gentle care that Kun had given him throughout the day. He thought about the way Taeyong had watched Johnny attentively as he spoke, and how everyone had crowded around him when he’d returned.

He met Jaemin’s gaze. “Okay.”

He snuck over to the barn half an hour into a game of Monopoly, citing how bored he was watching it on the sidelines as reason enough to take his leave. He felt himself being watched as he walked across the dirt floor, returned a few smiles given his way when he met someone’s eye, but mostly he was left alone on his way to the little mattress in the corner where his brother lay. Johnny was awake, sitting up against the wall, playing with a machete in a way he definitely shouldn’t have been. Kun lay fast asleep beside him, both arms crossed over his own body.

“Hey,” Donghyuck whispered. He tried to settle in a spot that wouldn’t wake the doctor. “How’re you feeling?”

Johnny gave him a sleepy smile. “As good as I can possibly feel, according to your friend Mark. Boyfriend?” Before Donghyuck could refute it, Johnny shook his head, and then held it for a second, as if that hurt him. “I’m still experiencing vertigo, but it’s not as bad when I sit still like this.”

“That’s good.” Donghyuck scanned his brother up and down, as if he didn’t already know what injuries he had. “Your leg?”

“It’ll do.”

“And your head wound?”

“I can barely tell there’s a wound there, to be honest.”

Donghyuck nodded. Of course he wouldn’t notice it with everything else going on. “Is Kun going to be okay?”

Johnny’s eyes softened. “He was just dehydrated more than anything else. He’ll be fine in the morning.”

“Good.” Donghyuck’s fingers twitched, and he placed them on Johnny’s good leg to placate them. “Um. My friends and I… we’re leaving in the morning.”  

Johnny’s easy smile fell into displeasure. “What? Why?”

Donghyuck paused, and let the words in his head unscramble before he went on. He picked out the most important of them. “They don’t want to stay. And I want to stick with them.”

“Hyuckie…” Johnny started to shift, but Donghyuck held him back with a hand on his chest.

“I thought you were dead this whole time. I don’t know if it’s because it was just easier to believe that, or whatever, but… when I saw you alive, it was... I didn’t even dream of it, you know? It was like a miracle.”

Johnny had his lips set the way he used to when he’d tutor Donghyuck, waiting for him to find his way to the right answer. Donghyuck didn’t know if, this time, he had the answer Johnny was looking for, but as he considered what he had to say, he couldn’t think of any other answer that felt as right.

“But you’re alive. You’re okay. And you’re in good hands – mostly. I don’t know about that Doyoung guy.”

Johnny snorted. “He means well. He’s just an investment banker.”

Donghyuck choked out a laugh. “Of course he is.” Lord, Johnny was so distracting. “But, anyway... remember mom used to say about sunflowers, right?”

“We should always face the sun,” Johnny finished.

Donghyuck nodded. “I think my friends are my sun.”

He watched Johnny’s face shift between a series of emotions, from understanding to sadness to reservation. It was nerve-wracking, waiting to see which expression he would settle on.

In the end, Johnny settled on tired. The face that everyone wore now, all of the time. “Alright, Hyuckie. Go, follow the sun.”

Donghyuck reached for Johnny’s hand and squeezed. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you–”

“Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep, now, it’s really late.”

“Oh, I’m keeping watch tonight.”

“Again? Are you crazy? You’re travelling tomorrow, rest up!”

“I can’t hear you suddenly.”

“You can’t say that to me! My ear is broken!”

Donghyuck felt simultaneously heavy and light as he snuck back to the house. Light, because a metaphorical weight had lifted off of his chest. Heavy, because he still had a long night ahead of him.

Or so he thought. Hendery stood at the front door like he was waiting for him to return.

“I’m keeping watch tonight,” he said, before Donghyuck could get a word in. “Go sleep.”

“But–”

“No buts. I don’t feel safe knowing you’re just gonna fall asleep on that roof.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

It didn’t hit him that Hendery had left him to share a bed with Mark until he’d arrived at their usual mattress. Around him, others were getting ready to turn in for the night. Chenle had changed into the exact same pajama set he’d worn every night for a year. Dejun swapped his mound of clothes with Yangyang’s pillow when the younger wasn’t looking. Yeri was already asleep, crossbow clutched to her chest. Lucas was still downstairs, but considering he was walking around in nothing but his underwear, he probably wasn’t going to be around for much longer.

Mark looked like he was asleep. Donghyuck couldn’t tell, honestly. His eyes were closed and his body was too relaxed for him to be conscious, but he hadn’t tucked himself into a blanket or anything.

Donghyuck kicked off his shoes and slid out of his jacket and holster. When he didn’t have a shotgun on his back, should he choose to, he could pretend to be normal. He reached for a down jacket he didn’t recognise, lying within arms reach, and placed it over him and Mark, spreading it out so it would at least cover their torsos.

“Goodnight, Donghyuck,” Jisung called. Donghyuck’s reply got drowned out in a chorus of “goodnights” just everyone else in the room.

He didn’t know how much time had lapsed, but at some point, he felt an arm slither under his neck. He woke with a start but without a sound and would have reached for his gun had he not seen the arm attached to Mark’s body, and Mark somewhat awake, staring into space. Donghyuck lifted his head a little, shuffling so he could rest much more comfortably against Mark’s elbow, adjusting and readjusting until he finally relented and tucked into his side. He felt Mark’s arm curl around his body and pull him closer, and he, in turn, let a hand rest against Mark’s chest.

Uninhibited, he slept.

------------

Johnny waited out near the dirt driveway in the morning, leaning against a walking stick for support. Donghyuck could tell he wasn’t entirely comfortable in the position, but he was in no position to talk him out of it.

Besides, he was glad to see him.

“Yuta stole this from the church.” Johnny tapped the stick against the ground. “I hope it’s not haunted.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not haunted if it’s been sitting around in a church for ages.” Donghyuck strode up to his brother. He was standing against the east, so he had to squint to look up at him.

“Hmm.” Johnny looked him over. “You have the extra supplies we packed you?”

“Yep.”

“And the watering holes. You know where those are, right?”

“Lucas has the map. We’ll find a way.”

This was it, Donghyuck realised. There wasn’t much more to say.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Johnny’s chest, much gentler than he had done when he’d seen him a few days ago, but no less desperate. He felt one of Johnny’s arms encompass his shoulders entirely.

“I love you,” he told Johnny. He could have told him much more, but he didn’t feel the need to.

Johnny had the same idea. “I love you too.”

He held Johnny until he could feel the impatience of his friends getting too much to handle. When he pulled away, he turned on his heels and tried not to look back as he walked to the head of the group. (He failed, of course. But he was proud of his effort.)

“Shall we get going, dear leader?” Jaemin asked. Donghyuck noted everyone’s expectant looks, even though they knew his answer, even though they didn’t need him to tell them anything, given how every single one of them was armed and ready to move.

Donghyuck pulled his shotgun out of his holster. “Yeah,” he said, lips spreading into a smile. “Let’s go.”