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I rolled back over, trying to see. It was darker than last night—the clouds were too thick for the moon to shine through.
“Sorry,” he murmured so softly that his voice was part of the darkness. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I tensed, slowly blinking into awareness—and then shrank away from him in the darkness, moving to the far edge of the bed.
“Bella…” He sighed, reaching for me.
“Don’t.” The tone of my voice froze his hand, and he retreated.
He looked at me for a long moment; my eyes, slowly adjusting to the lack of light, found his face. He was tense, his eyes unfathomable.
I just looked at him, for once not trying to hide the emotion in my eyes. I let it all well up for him to see; every ounce of anger, betrayal, and accusation.
He sighed again. “I’m not going to apologize for trying to save your life, Bella.”
“Save my life!” I said scornfully. “Of all the ridiculous—”
“Oh? Is it ridiculous to not want harm to—”
“Harm. You can’t protect me from everything, you know that? You can’t protect me from life. And Jacob is an essential part of my life, as I’ve tried to tell—”
“Your life is worth much more than the cost of hanging around with Jacob Black.”
I stared at him in the darkness, the words briefly stolen from my throat. All at once, I sat up. “Take me home.”
“Bella—”
“Edward.” I met his gaze; my tone was unflinching and final. “Now.”
He didn’t like it; that much was clear. But he moved silently through the darkness behind me; when I stopped to look around for my bag, he held it out without a word.
He followed me through the empty house to the garage. In the back of my mind, even annoyed as I was, I realized it seemed more silent than usual. “Where is everyone?” I demanded.
He shrugged. “Here and there. Alice took Jasper for a spin in her new Porsche. Carlisle and Esme went for a walk.”
Vampires and their lack of sleep. Ridiculous.
I swung into the passenger seat of his Volvo, slamming the door. He got in much more smoothly, then sat for a long moment without turning the ignition.
“It doesn’t seem that either of us are going to see the other’s side,” he began finally, looking ahead through the windshield. His voice was hard, but he was clearly trying to find reason. “Maybe…” He spoke carefully, as if thinking about every word. “Perhaps we should table this discussion until morning.”
I stared at him, already shaking my head. “This is not something that’s going to just go away, Edward! You can’t—do you honestly believe that you can just—just kidnap me and control every aspect of what I decide to do with my life?” My voice was climbing, irritation and disbelief tripping it up.
His eyes were dark. “You seem to have a fairly indistinct view of what constitutes real danger, Bella. Do you even begin to understand the situation that you’re putting yourself in? That you’re putting me in?” He shook his head, and then pulled a hand through his hair; his voice was suddenly close to losing control. “Human life is so fragile! So easily broken—when I’m not with you—when I can’t see—”
“No.” I shook my head, pursing my lips. “No. Do not turn this into another fit about how differently you see the world. I’m a free person, and I choose where I go. I have no freaking idea how to make you listen—”
“I’m listening right now, Bella. I listen whenever you speak.”
“No, but see, you’re not. You don’t. You’re hearing my words, but you don’t listen.” My voice was continuing to rise, a loose, awful pit opening in my stomach. “You never listen anymore. It’s always your way, you’re always right, you lie to me—”
"What are you talking about?"
“What do you think? Going to Jacksonville? You took me across the freaking country on false pretenses! That is not how this is supposed to work, Edward!”
He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes dark as they burned into mine. “I said I would tell you, next time,” he said finally. His voice was quiet, but his body was tense, his face closed off.
I drew a shaky breath. “Take me home.”
He hesitated another long minute, then finally turned the ignition, pulling the car out of the garage and down the winding driveway without speaking.
The night was black; I had no idea what time it was, keeping my face turned stubbornly toward the window. The air between us hummed with energy, as it always did, but tonight it was loaded with things both said and unsaid.
I wasn’t surprised that my face was wet, as frustrated and unhappy as I felt. I couldn’t get his dark tone out of my head—your life is worth much more than the cost of hanging around with Jacob Black.
I swiped my sleeve under my eye, my face still turned away.
“Bella…” He reached for me, his tone regretful.
I shook off his hand.
Suddenly the car was easing onto the shoulder of the road, idling quietly under the dark canopy of trees.
“Bella, please.” His voice was quiet. He took my hand, not letting go this time. I still wouldn’t look at him, and he didn’t try to make me.
It was quiet for what felt like several minutes in the darkness of the car. Finally, he leaned toward me, the cool sweetness of his breath only inches away. “Bella…” he whispered. “I will…try to listen. I will. Really.”
I turned to him then, my face still damp with frustrated tears. The exhaustion of my interrupted sleep was starting to catch up with me. He studied me for several moments; his own eyes were shadowed, hard to read.
“I just want you to be honest with me,” I whispered. “Truly honest. I want you to tell me what’s going on, and tell me when you feel the need to…protect me. And I want to have a say in my protection.” I swallowed. He was staying perfectly still, still staring into my eyes as I spoke.
He started to nod, but I wasn’t done.
“And I want—” I stopped, making my voice stronger. “I need to see Jacob. Whenever I choose. It can’t be up to you, anymore.”
His eyes tightened, and then he finally looked away, staring out at the blackness ahead. His jaw was tight, but when he finally spoke, it was very soft.
“I can see it, you know.” His eyes didn’t move from the road, the trees, ahead. “I can see it later in Jacob’s head. When the two of you…hold hands.”
The air in the car seemed to evaporate. My heart plummeted, and then broke into a sprint—one that he could surely hear, though he made no indication.
I opened my mouth, but no words came. He was still looking ahead, staying too still.
“I—it’s not—you know how it is with Jacob and I!” I burst. “That is not the same thing. I—he—he’s like my brother, Edward!” I was stumbling over myself, trying to make the words go in order, make sense—to him and to me. A fresh feeling was creeping in now, coloring the anger and frustration of before. Something that had edged at me when walking down the beach with Jacob, but which I had shoved away with my own reasoning. But now, here in the small confines of his car in the middle of the night, there was no denying it for what it was: guilt.
I swallowed hard. “It wasn’t like that.” I whispered, my voice small.
Edward still wouldn’t look at me. “It’s like that for him.”
“But not for me,” I insisted. My voice sounded close to pleading; my internal reasoning felt flimsier by the second.
Edward tightened his hand into a fist, then slowly released it. He exhaled very slowly, his voice low. “And how do you think it is…for me?”
My heart missed a beat. I floundered for words. “I—I don’t—”
All at once, he started the ignition again, pulling back onto the road. “Never mind, Bella.”
“I—wait—Edward.” My voice was sharper now. “Stop.”
He kept driving, but he finally looked at me.
“Is that—do you really think—” I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself.
His eyes tightened. “What do you want me to think, Bella?” He sounded as frustrated as I had before. “What is it that you want?”
“I told you.” I whispered, staring at him. But as he gazed back, I realized that we were discussing something different, now.
Stubbornly, I stuck to the previous subject. “I want for you to calm down about the werewolves. And to let me go where I want to go.” I hesitated. “There’s no need to be…I mean…” I inhaled. “I won’t hold his hand anymore. I’m…sorry, about how that looked. There’s no need to be…jealous.”
His jaw flexed. “I’m not jealous, Bella.”
I swallowed. “Well, fine. But—if this is about more than my safety—”
Whatever self-resolve he’d been holding onto broke. His voice rose. “Of course it’s about your safety! Why is it that you have so little self-regard for your own life, Bella? Why does it feel like you’re trying to throw away your own wellbeing at every opportunity? I can’t take it—”
Fresh anger swelled in my chest, and my own voice rose to meet his. “No. We have been through this and through this! Will you just stop? Vampires are dangerous! Werewolves are dangerous! Nobody wants to hurt me, and I’m just fine! Look at me, Edward. I’m fine. Get used to it.”
“And what about Emily Young’s face? What about when they lose control? What about when it stops being fine, Bella?” He demanded. He was straight up yelling, now.
We were at Charlie’s house. The Volvo was stopped in the driveway, headlights cut.
I took off my seatbelt, turning to face him in anger. “Don’t you mean what about Jacob Black, and his feelings? Isn’t that what this is really about?” The hard, loose feeling in my chest was swelling into a shape too big to control; the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, high and furious and awful. “Don’t you mean that you don’t want me to with someone else, when you’re not there? Where you can’t control what’s happening?”
His eyes were dark, despite his recent hunting trip. His voice was hard and furious. “I told you that this is only about your safety—”
“And yet you can’t trust me to—”
“You’re not a good judge of what’s considered safe—”
“Stop talking to down to me!” I burst, my voice high and equally furious. “You do not need to be so condescending all the time—”
“Why are you making this so difficult? Why do you do this to me?” His voice was harsh. He pulled a hand through his hair, staring out the window.
My temper flared. “This is not all about you. You said you would try to listen. You’re not listening, Edward. You’re not even trying to hear me.”
He was silent for a long moment, trying to regain composure. Finally, he spoke in a very low voice, turning toward me again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
I swallowed. “I have to go inside.”
He took a deep breath. “Bella—”
I reached for the door handle, getting out abruptly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bella, wait—”
I leaned back into the car. “Don’t follow me.”
He held my gaze for a long minute. “I wasn’t going to.”
My stomach did an awful flip. “Fine. Great.”
He looked as though he were about to say something more, but then he didn’t. I took a deep breath, and then slammed his car door with all the strength I could muster. Heart pounding, I turned to storm up the steps to Charlie’s front door, not sparing so much as a backward glance to the silent purr of the engine in the driveway behind me.