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The doorbell rang.
Mickey and Mandy shared a glance of who the fuck comes over unannounced? Probably a serial killer or worse a come to Jesus preacher.
After a few angry glances between each other and the door urging the other to answer it. Plus three silent games of rock paper scissors Mickey reluctantly got up to open the door. For a moment his heart stopped. They hadn't heard from Ian in over a month; not surprisingly anytime Ian got himself caught up in a whirlwind romance he disappeared for a few weeks before resurfacing.
It was no surprise Ian's relationship didn't last; none of them did. He usually crawled back to them; or to the Fairy Tale club to find the next rebound. Mickey did not approve and Ian knew it. Too many times Mickey had to drag him home for his own protection.
Ian had saved both Milkovich siblings in one way or another over the years. Mandy from a man named Kenyetta who would beat her and if given the chance probably sell her into a life of hooking. He saved Mickey from Terry and the two of them made a plan to get Terry caught up on drug and gun charges landing him in prison for the rest of his life. Ian didn't know it but he also saved Mickey from himself; his disastrous self hating cycles and Mickey realized who he was supposed to be; to hopefully be with someone he was meant to be with.
''Can I come in?'' Ian asked feeling hurt by the silence in which Mickey had failed to find words gobsmacked at the sight of Ian. He had seen Ian as everything from a hipster to a striper. Tonight however he looked put together. Wearing jeans that seem to be painted on his legs; Mickey made sure not to look down at any bulges. A simple white T-shirt and a black leather-jacket that sets off fire red hair atop of his head.
''What? Oh. Fuck, yeah man weren't expecting ya."
"Yeah sorry about that. Short notice with no place to live."
Mandy squealed having eyesight to the door from the living room in the corner of the cozy monster sized couch. "Bitch! Coulda called?"
"You know I hate phone calls."
"A text? Fuck, an emoji! Woulda been nice to know you were coming, would have Mick go out for pizza."
Ian dropped his one duffle bag of belongings by the door taking three long strides into Mandy's arm. "Fuck I've missed you."
"And you'll buy the pizza!?" She grinned wildly.
Mickey was still standing by the door, watching Ian while unconsciously gnawing on his bottom lip.
*****
Mickey glanced at Ian again. It was at least the fifth time he had done so in as many minutes. Ian had spent the last half hour going through the past few months of his life; who the guy was and the type of idiotic jerk the guy was. Mickey simply kept shoving pizza and beer into his mouth fast enough not to say anything stupid to make Ian consider leaving. Mandy of course ate up every bit of gossip Ian was laying down while swallowing it down with vodka shots. The lightweight would be useless soon Mickey predicted.
It was unlike Ian being so crumbled; he was strong, freewill, brave enough to be a red haired, freckled, lanky gay kid from South Side. Now he was sunken into the couch and just like muscle memory Ian fit back into their lives with ease. Like he belonged. “Soooo... is everything ok?” Mandy asked coming to the same conclusion Mickey had three shots ago.
"Yeah." He shrugged. "…. I knew I didn't feel ....what I wanted it to. But I stayed to feel somethin' ...anything." They had made it to the level of booze where Ian's honesty came spilling out.
*****
The last thing Ian needed was another man to break his heart. But it's now or never. Now’s the time to risk it all. Ian never stayed single for long; never long enough to notice Mickey it seemed. The man was there for him through everything; never once ran away from every shit decision Ian made, even stood by with the news of Ian's bipolar disorder.
But Ian was a man whore and couldn't be single for a minute to realize his feelings. Mickey decided after far too many drinks that he would have to be the one to show Ian.
After said drinks, Mandy already passed out Mickey and Ian were left drinking alone and Mickey having a rare moment of feeling honest. "You knew it was gonna end though right?" He blurted out. "The twat was too concerned trying to figure out how ta save every gay child to care about saving you."
Ian blinked unsure how to respond.
"And it ain't like he's the first. The guy who was older than Frank! Sure you got some decent cash and gifts outta that but seriously, that ain't love."
"And you know love?" Ian snipped nearly knocking his empty beer can over in an attempt.to place it on the coffee table to lean in to hear Mickey's words of wisdom.
"I know what it isn't. And ya ain't never had it Gallagher. But fuck you want it somethin' bad." Taking a gulp of his beer Mickey leaned back, his eyes closing.
The air was still. Mickey could feel Ian's presence, he inhaled deeping. “Don’t think I don’t know when yer’ lookin at me just because m’ eyes r’ closed,” Mick said, his voice slurred and raspy. Ian backed up and fell onto the couch next to Mickey's chair. “But you catch me staring too, don’t ya?” he added cracking his eyes.
"What are you sayin'?"
Ian blinked. “You want to kiss me?” Obviously Ian heard him wrong, and he’d said kill me; which was definitely more Milkovich style and once again Ian would feel would so many shades of embarrassment
“Yeah, Gallagher I said kiss you.”
Ian closed his eyes. “Don’t." The word not strong enough to believe. "Don’t like me. I’m no good. For you…I’m no good.”
He felt like an idiot, he felt like he should cry, fuck he was such a mess.
“Why shouldn’t I like you?” Mickey knew everything about Ian, and more so Ian knew everything about him and all the shit he had gone through.
“Because…you shouldn’t,” Ian said.
Mickey's fingers closed around the sides of Ian's face, tilting it back toward his. “You’re gonna have to give me a better reason."
Ian licked his lips obviously holding back from pouring his heart out
“What do you want, Ian? To spend the rest of your life wanting, needing but never having happiness? You want it and you go out fucking anything that walks to find it but you don't actually want it. Because if you did…" Mickey let his voice trail off
Ian began a stumbled pace hoping the movement would help with the jitters he was feeling. “Happiness is a luxury I can’t have. Because of -- anyone I care for will get hurt.” Ian had learned he had bi-polar disorder, he knew how Monica acted, he knew how that broke the family. The extreme highs and suicidal lows. He was going to deal with that alone.
"Come 'ere." Pulling on Ian's lanky arms Mickey got Ian on-top of him, sinking further into the old brown lazy boy chair. Ian's legs automatically straddled Mickey's legs. Mickey's hand lowered around Ian's hips.
“Don’t think. Just live.”
The soft pink lips in front of him, he had to give in. Mickey's tongue swiped across Ian's lips, at that moment, he lost all self-control.
****
Morning arrived faster than Mickey would have expected; except the sun didn't wait for him, his sister's shrill voice was worse than any alarm clock.
“You. You kissed him?” Mandy stood arms crossed entering the living room where they hadn't bothered to leave; both curled on the lazy boy, nuzzling each other. Ian's lips still pink and looking particularly swollen while Mickey was sporting a Hickey she could see a mile away.
Mickey cracked open an eye. “Maybe, fucks it to you?"
"We were supposed to take care of him, you know how he is!"
Ian shifted sitting up, if Mandy was going to pretend like he wasn't there she was going to have to look him in the eyes.
"Oh I took care of him," Mickey joked, maybe trying to piss Mandy off or just show off.
“This is my fault,” Ian finally spoke. “I—”
“Don’t you dare try to protect him,” Mandy growled “How could you?” Her eyes back on her brother.
"Wa--? It ain't like you like him. Your little pretend boyfriend ruse hasn't been a thing since we were kids." Mickey was now sitting in the lazy-boy more like a throne than a piece of furniture that should have been in the trash a decade ago.
“You don’t even like dick, fuck you don't even like chicks always just hit and quit every single one, you're as much of a whore as he is,” she spat wishing instantly she could take the words back. Ian's eyes darted up at her.
"Ian's different," Mickey's voice was low, almost a growl. If his sister was going to stir shit up he was ready to fight. Ian's hurt puppy dog eyes didn't help the swell of anger.
"But are you different?" Her words pierced. "What's the end game here Mick? Gonna get matching suits and live happily ever after? At any moment this goes wrong and what we have… we won't be able to have it back."
Mickey's fist clenched. He'd never hurt his sister. But her words as true as they were pained him. Would every decision from here on out be the end of them? Would that mean walking on eggshells? He didn't do well with delicate. His eyes scanned Ian. Knowing his whole life had been waiting for him to notice Mickey. And now he had and his sister with her big mouth was going to ruin it? Before he had time to answer, Ian's voice, stronger than he ever heard it broke though their deadly stares.
"I'm done living my life scared Mandy." It was almost worth it to see Mandy's shocked face as Ian began his assault with words. "We're all fuck ups....Ok me mostly I'm the fuck up." He managed a weak smile. "And I won't do anything to lose what we have Mandy….but maybe this," his hand unconsciously reached for Mickey's, "can make what we have better."