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They were driving through the Boston traffic, the clouds gentle tufts against the red evening sky. It was Dr Eve Valentine’s favourite time of day, being driven by him, sinking into the leather seats of his sedan and bathing in the opera he’d turned down to play quietly so they could talk.
It was getting dark, they’d been talking about their patients and she was finally relaxed, entirely too much given that they were still technically working. Since he came back why did it feel like she only felt this calm when they were together, whether it was back in the Diagnostics Office or driving through the city on another medical adventure?
“The gallery’s in North End?” she tapped her fingers against the sideboard to the crashing cymbals, “I never come to this part of town. There’s a pizza place I always wanted to try here, Juliana’s. I had a blind date planned there weeks ago but then I cancelled so I still haven’t been.”
She stopped abruptly when she realised what she’d said.
“A date?” He glanced at her before straightening up. “Right, I mean, of course. You should have a life outside the hospital. It’s important.”
His tone was casual and friendly but she could detect his discomfort.
“There’s life outside the hospital?” she met his eyes and he could hear the smile in her voice, “Like I have time, I didn’t even date in med school. Besides that’s not why I cancelled.
"Anyway, what about you, Ethan? When was the last time Dr Terminator went on a date?”
He shuffled in his seat, taken back by the question. “I don’t like to talk about my personal life.”
She looked at him as he drove, the streetlights dancing off his blue eyes and the hint of amusement curving the corners of his mouth. They could be anybody, here, now, in the car. Strangers or old friends, two lovers marching on with the beat of the city. If they weren’t who they were, if there wasn’t so much unspoken between them, so many unreachable words, who would they be if they could chose.
She was sure he’d pick the life he had, no matter what. It was in his DNA, molecular, to be THE Dr Ramsey. She’d chose her own too. Even if it meant they couldn’t be together right now, they both loved what they did too much to change anything. And didn’t it mean they could be together, in their own way, right here in the car side by side in the glow of the early Boston autumn.
“But if you must know, I’ve had my share of bad blind dates. At the beginning of last year, before Naveen got ill, Dolores…” he paused for a second as they both remembered his old friend and the first patient she’d ever lost, “Dolores insisted on setting me up with a friend who was visiting Boston. You might know of her.”
“Me?” Eve startled slightly and her attention drifted back to the car, “How would I know her?”
“You seem like you keep up with the social media and so forth.”
“‘Keep up’?” Eve bit back a smile, “Go on.”
“Alicia Rose? She was some sort of…”
“Wait. You went out with Alicia Rose? The Alicia Rose? The model and influencer?” Eve stared at him.
“Yes. Her. I’m surprised at your reaction. She was quite boring. She checked her phone every 5 minutes and talked about nothing but the other famous people she knew.”
“But she’s gorgeous! Like stunning. Do you know how many millions of followers she has? Most guys would kill to date her. If I told Bryce and Elijah…”
Eve could feel him roll his eyes.
“Please don’t. She was…attractive in some ways yes, but she was also utterly vacuous and we had nothing in common. I mentally reviewed the notes of my Huntingdon’s patient to pass the time. I almost solved the case in that one evening, which was the only thing that stopped it being an absolute waste of time.”
Eve’s voice was a whisper, “I can’t believe you went out with Alicia Rose.”
“I can’t believe I did either,” he grumbled, “Suffice to say I haven’t been on a date since. Or got involved with anyone, especially not since…”
He trailed off with a brief glance at her.
“Since what?” her eyes widened as she read his silence. “Oh. Since me?”
He looked ahead, the slightest crease at his brow and she knew what she would see on his face if he turned towards her.
“Eve…”
“I know.”
He looked at her again, reading her right as always and she cursed herself for holding every second of the gaze. How many times had they had the same conversation since he came back from the Amazon. The one with three words but the complete wrong ones. Where he said her name and it was laden with so much meaning. All the reasons they couldn’t be together. All the longing and desire captured in that one word. And each time, instead of fighting him, she would say 'I know’ and let him off the hook when really she wanted him to explain, to say over and over that he did still want her even if he wasn’t supposed to.
Yet, there was so much honesty in it. They did both know. And she didn’t need to hear it because he spoke it with each look.
“Anyway, you didnt say why you cancelled your blind date. Did you have a patient emergency?”
He tried to dissipate the tension from between them, expecting her to tell him about how she stayed up that night reading to one of her younger patients and that she solved a tricky case as a result.
She was a sucker for all of the them, child and adult alike. That’s what made her such a good doctor. She loved the riddle of the illness but she was as interested in the person behind the patient. Most doctors only saw the conditions and the rare and exciting ones at that but just like him, she understood that you could get to one through the other. And she was willing to do anything, visit patient’s houses, give them pedicures, hell, they were spending the evening going to the art gallery just to get to the bottom of Evelyn’s blindness. That’s why they were here, weren’t they. The only reason?
“A patient? No.” She sounded aloof for the first time and he took his eyes off the road to find hers.
She was staring ahead, biting her lip, lost to the night. Her dark hair was tucked behind her ear and he wanted to grab her then and there, press his mouth to the softness of her neck and tell her all the things she deserved to hear. The things he couldn’t be allowed to say for her sake.
Her voice was small when she continued. “You were in the Amazon.”
She never spoke about that time. He wanted to stop the car there and then to listen.
“I was distracted and I’d got back from my suspension. I was working a lot, late nights and Burke, the attending who was covering you, was being a jerk.
"Bryce knew I’d been,” she hesitated, pausing to chose her words precisely, “involved with someone but he didn’t, still doesn’t, know who. He wanted to cheer me up so he set me up with one of his Stamford surgeon buddies at Mass Kenmore.”
She felt Ethan flinch slightly which made her smile.
“Total frat boy type probably, I know. Anyway, I pulled out the night before. I could tell it was a bad idea.”
The GPS buzzed and the car rounded the corner and pulled into a side street.
She turned and looked at him as he finally flicked the engine off. The opera he’d been playing ended abruptly mid-crecendo and they sat for a moment in the silence. Her green eyes locked on his and she watched them darken and the faintest smile play on his lips when she finished her answer.
“I knew he wasn’t the guy I wanted to be on a date with.”