Chapter Text
You always always, always made sure to look well put-together when you left your apartment, especially when it came to going to work, but lately you have been more conscious than usual. You do mirror checks as often as you can to make sure your hair is in place and your makeup hasn't run. You keep your lipstick evenly applied and off your teeth and you keep the neckline of your shirt straightened and buttoned up.
Two weeks ago, you had all but stumbled out of Frederick Chilton's office only to have Bethanny, the secretary, and Julia, the assistant, stare and smirk at you as you ducked out of the room and to the nearest washroom. It was a single room and you were able to take your time to fix yourself up without the fear of someone else walking in and seeing you in the state you were. You wanted to turn back time and redo the entire visit to Chilton's office. This time, you would be cold straight through the entire visit and you would not let him kiss you and you would definitely not fuck him.
But you couldn't do that. All you could do was fix yourself up. You couldn't believe that you had forgotten about Julia and Bethanny! And you still can't believe you were in such a hurry to get out of there that you barely even put your clothes back on. Even if they didn't jump to conclusions about what was going on in the office by the sounds they undoubtably heard, they would still have known what happened by seeing the condition you were in. Your shirt's hem bunched around your stomach, showing a sliver of skin, and your skirt not completely straight but rather turned a bit to the side, your blazer and purse thrown carelessly over your arm, your hair messy and your makeup smudged. You wanted to weep at the sight of yourself in the washroom mirror. You never wanted anyone to see you that way again.
So now you make sure you look perfectly presentable at all times. You also like to think that it keeps everyone from wondering whether or not you just came from a meeting at Chilton's office.
Because yes, everyone knew about what happened by now and 'meeting' was what they called it in front of you, behind your back, and in front of Chilton. The difference is that he's ignorant to these things and you doubt that he has any clue what the workers are all talking about. He probably thinks that the gossip is leftover from the inmate attacking you.
Work had quickly become something you dreaded, which is a pity because you were always so enthusiastic about your job. Now, however, all you could focus on was the way people looked at you. Some so bold that they would approach you and straight up ask you about how it was like fucking your boss. Others implied it through plays on their words, but it was just as bad because you both knew what the conversation was really about.
It was through this that you got the most accurate updates on what people were saying about you. That you were some sort of whore - someone who is fucking the boss to get benefits. Or that you had been trying to seduce him since day one because he fascinated you. That you slept with him in order to get the job in the first place. That he was the one who seduced you so you wouldn't sue the hospital. That you slept with him out of gratitude for his firing Frank.
That last one especially hurt. You were infuriated that Chilton would fire him and you had called Frank yourself as soon as you heard with a mouth full of apologies. He, of course, tried to brush it off like it was nothing. Despite his saying it wasn't your fault and that he really was angrier at Dr. Chilton, you could just hear the resentment in his voice. He had been quick to excuse himself and hang up on you, making a point to comment on how he needs to pass out resumes. It was awful and it made you feel so much worse about the assault on you. All you could think about was how he had left you a message the morning after the assault, apologizing profusely and trying to make you laugh. He did not deserve to be fired for this at all and the situation definitely did not help how you viewed Chilton.
Now you are so angry and frustrated and upset and sad about everything and there does not seem to be any sort of escaping the situation. Especially with how Chilton has been behaving ever since the incident. The change doesn’t make sense. The only other time he was ever gentle with you was when he held you that awful night at the staff party and that was not sexual and only lasted a few minutes and he had gone back to normal - whatever 'normal' was for him - at work and the both of you had some sort of unspoken agreement to never talk about that. Now he is texting you and asking how you are and asking to speak with you. He will try so hard to catch your eye as he walks by reception, which he does much more often than necessary. He slows his pace when he sees you and wills you to look at him, but you never do. Whenever you hear his cane getting closer, you grab something that makes you look busy and you keep your eyes on it until the click-clack of the cane is gone again. Sometimes, Chilton even comes straight up to the desk and tries to talk to you with the pretence of waiting for a certain doctor. When this happens, you avoid eye contact, give him short answers to long questions, and start making calls instead of talking to him.
He doesn't let up, though. He's like some obnoxious teenager who thinks the world of himself and it's driving you insane. And the fluttering in your stomach whenever you think of the last time you were with him certainly doesn't calm you down. You are constantly catching yourself thinking and daydreaming about him. Just the other night, you had a dream about him and you had woken up smiling. The smile quickly turned into a scowl once your conscious brain kicked in. You have to constantly remind yourself that Chilton doesn't actually care about you. Nothing he has done or said has ever been good for you. Never has he considered how you might feel. He just takes what he wants and picks up the pieces afterwards if he feels like it.
That still doesn't stop you from fantasizing about his lips or his eyes or his hands or…
No! Stop! This can't be you! You can't be the girl who falls for your boss. Only disaster could come from falling for a man who cares about no one but himself and thinks he can control you (and who holds a position in which controlling you wouldn't be all that difficult). It was best to distance yourself from him as much as you possibly could, but it was hard when you felt like he was watching you every chance he could.
And so you pass your days feeling grim and count all the times someone has given you a sideways glance throughout the day. You seriously are considering buying a clicker for this. It shouldn't matter to you, but living like this can really wear you down. Thankfully, there are some coworkers who don't think the worst of you. Jordan is one of them and, being so popular with the other faculty members, he wasn't afraid to stand up for you. You thank him when he does but assure him that it isn't necessary, that it'll all blow over soon enough.
"Yea, sure," he says laughing, "Like anything crazier than the administrator banging the receptionist will happen!"
You scowl. "You certainly have a way with words, Jordan."
He shrugs. "Yea, well I can't say I really expected what happened."
You groan. "I definitely didn't say I expected it either."
The two of you finished your shifts at the same time today and are walking through the parking lot to your cars. "So, how exactly did it happen?" he asks.
You pause, pondering what to tell him. He only knows about you sleeping with him that one time, and you are not so sure you want to tell him that this started months ago. "I don't know," you say timidly. "He just kissed me and it went from there."
"So are you saying that if I wanted to hook up with you, all I would have to do was kiss you and you'd be down?"
You glare at him.
"Okay, okay, sorry!" he says, laughing.
You roll your eyes. "You know what, maybe one day I'll tell you exactly what happened."
He raises an eyebrow. "In explicit detail?"
"Don't be gross."
He laughs. "Fine. One day."
"Right," you agree, "but today is not that day."
The two of you part and you drive home in silence. You want to get home and cook yourself a nice dinner and watch a movie. You have had enough of this day.
Your phone rings as you enter your apartment. Seeing that it is Chilton, you ignore it until he leaves a voicemail, to which you listen.
--Hi, this is Frederick--
Frederick? I thought I made it clear that you were Dr. Chilton to me.
--I know we aren't exactly speaking right now--
Oh, you're doing plenty of talking, I'd say.
--but I really don't like where we've left things off--
Why? Because it didn't go your way for once!?
--Please contact me when you can. I would love to see you.
A short pause follows, as if he was pondering whether he had anything else to say, before you hear the click of him hanging up.
You drop your phone on the kitchen counter and get out the ingredients you need for cooking.