Chapter Text
You thought you knew everyone in Jackson. In fact, you knew just about everyone a little too well. For a few years before outbreak day, you had been studying psychology at the University of Texas with the hope of becoming a therapist someday. You would’ve never expected it to go like this though. That you’d end up in the middle of Wyoming acting as a makeshift counselor for every troubled soul that resided in Jackson. You didn’t have all the answers or all the expertise, you weren’t even technically qualified by pre-outbreak standards. But you knew a thing or two and it seemed to be helpful for a least a couple of people that you knew of for sure.
But you really never would've thought that you’d see the likes of Joel Miller knocking at your door, asking if you had some time to talk.
You’d said a few words to Joel and seen him around the town but you didn’t really know him. You knew Ellie and you knew Tommy- the two people who were closest to him but you never had the pleasure of getting to know him personally. Everyone has a story and even though a lot of them are about the same post-outbreak, they were all worthy of being heard. But Joel always seemed the strong and silent type, not one to feel the need to tell his story because emotions like that get in the way. Emotions like that can get you killed. Even in the safe walls of Jackson, it seemed like Joel would always feel this way.
And yet, here he is.
“I’ve always got time to talk, come on in.”
“Thank you.”
He mumbled sheepishly under his breath. Coming to you for help was something he was having some obvious discomfort with. But odds are, it’s just hard for him to let go of some things that he’s been holding on to for so long. But you knew just the thing to crack a hard shell like Joel’s.
Joel stood awkwardly in your front room, waiting for some kind of instruction from you as to where he should go.
“Follow me, we’ll have our chat in the snug.”
“The what?”
“The snug. A little cozy place in my back room. Perfect place for a warm drink and conversations.”
You start to make your way through your small home.
“Where’d you come up with a name like ‘snug’?”
“Dunno. Guess it just reminds me of my dad. He always used to ask me if I was ‘all snug as a bug in a rug’ before telling me goodnight when I was a kid.”
Joel let out a single quiet chuckle.
“That’s sweet.”
You opened up the glass double doors that separated the snug from the rest of the house and lifted up your arm to direct Joel towards the various places he could choose to sit.
“Sit anywhere you like. Can I get you something to drink?”
Joel makes his way to the farthest couch away from the doorway and plops down on it, getting more comfortable by the second.
“Might be a longshot, but you wouldn’t happen to have any coffee?”
You gave him a warm smile but shook your head.
“’fraid not, my friend.”
Joel leans back and takes a look around the room.
“No worries, like I said, it was a longshot. I’ll be just be just fine without a beverage but thank you, sweetheart.”
“Of course.”
You head further into the snug, leaving the double doors open to signal to Joel that he’s able to leave anytime he wishes to. You take a seat on the other couch next to him.
“Can see why you call it a snug now.”
“Yeah, it’s real nice in the winter- you get a fire going in the fireplace, grab yourself whatever hot drink you can get your hands on.”
Joel looks down, flashing a small closed mouth smile towards the carpet.
“Sounds nice.”
You’re quiet for just a moment, allowing the air to settle before diving into whatever it is Joel came to talk to you about today.
“So what’s on your mind, Joel.”
“Didn’t think you even knew my name, darlin.”
“’course I know your name, silly. You do realize I’ve been friends will Ellie and Tommy for years now. You think they’d never mention you?”
Joel continues to look down, unable to really look you in the eye. Doesn’t bother you none though, whatever makes him comfortable.
“Right.”
“We’ve also met a couple times before, honey.”
“Have we really? I’m sorry, I didn’t remember.”
You lift your hand up and wave it in the air to brush away any assumption that you were offended by this.
“Think nothin’ of it.”
Joel takes a deep sigh and leans forward, bringing his elbows up on his thigh so he can twiddle his thumbs.
“There’s no reason to be nervous, Joel. I know HIPPA isn’t really a thing anymore but whatever you say here, stays here- and there’s nothin’ you could say that will scare me.”
“I know, it’s just- I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“That’s okay, we don’t have to get into the nitty gritty stuff today. How about you just tell me a little bit about yourself?”
Joel leans back in his seat but still doesn’t look you in the eye.
“Well I’ve been in Jackson for a while now with my adopted daughter, Ellie. Tommy’s my younger brother- um, I- uh.”
You laugh a little softly and give Joel’s arm a squeeze.
“It’s okay, Joel. This ain’t some kind of interview. How about you tell me what you did for a livin’ pre-outbreak day? If you’re comfortable with that.”
Joel face blanks out for just a second as it’s been a while since he’s even thought about life pre-outbreak. But then he shakes his head and clears his throat before answering.
“I mean, sure, don’t see a problem with that. I was working as a carpenter out near Austin, Texas-“
“No shit!”
You exclaim- Joel finally looks over at you and is confused by your bright expression.
“I was in Austin pre-outbreak!”
Joel’s face relaxes and he even smiles a bit.
“Seriously?”
“I was! I was studying at UT before all hell broke loose and was living at the QZ there for a few years.”
Joel shook his head in disbelief and turned his stature towards you.
“You’re kiddin’ me. They really had a QZ set up there? Shit, if I would’ve known maybe I would’ve-“
You held up your hand to stop him.
“Oh no, Joel. It was a total shitshow, you’re lucky you ended up elsewhere. Hell only a few years in, it was pretty much blown up by a group of Fireflies but me and some folks managed to get out relatively unscathed enough to make our way further up north.”
“Is that how you ended up in Jackson?”
“More or less, wasn’t really lookin’ for anything we just had been walking up for years- there was only 4 of us left by the time we made it to Wyoming.”
“Jesus. Where are those other 3 now?”
You shrugged your shoulders and this time you looked away from Joel. This was kind of a touchy subject for you.
“Dunno. We parted ways after a few weeks here.”
There was a beat of silence before anyone spoke up again.
“So why’d you end up staying?”
“Same reason as everyone else, I guess. It’s safe here and Tommy and Maria were the only people I had ever encountered since the outbreak to ever be welcoming towards me.”
“Yeah, they’re a good bunch, those two.”
You smiled and turned your gaze back to Joel.
“You ever think about Austin?”
You asked him.
“Not really. Seems like a whole other planet now.”
“I do. I think about it all the time.”
You look up at the ceiling, dashing your eyes back and forth as if you were watching your memories being displayed up there. It goes quiet for another moment before Joel speaks up.
“You remember the Bob Bullock museum?”
You instantly turn your head back at Joel, a grin plastered on your face as you dove deep into almost forgotten memories.
“God, I haven’t heard that name in decades.”
Joel’s face started to harden and the pace of his breathing started to pick up. Like he was prepping himself to say something in that realm of “nitty gritty”. You didn’t push him or signal him or pressure him in anyway, just let the silence ride out until he was ready to say what he needed to say.
“My-uh-“
Joel clears his throat and pulls at the collar of his shirt.
“My late daughter loved museums. I think we walked through that creepy wax museum about 100 times.”
Joel paused to let out a shaky breath.
“We were plannin’ a trip to Houston to do a round trip of every museum we could afford to go to- Moody Gardens, NASA, Natural History- I took off a whole weekend of work to take her-“
Joel’s voice broke on the last word and he had to stop talking to focus his energy on not crying. You reached out and touched his shoulder, rubbing it slightly as somewhat of a distraction to bring him back down from the ledge he was on.
“What was her name?”
You simply asked.
“Sarah.”
He let out a very deep breath, one that wasn’t at all shaky as he was starting to calm down. He pats your hand that you had left resting on his shoulder, giving you the cue that it’s okay to let go.
“Her name was Sarah.”
Joel turns his head to face you, his skin red and his eyes wet. You flash him a comforting smile before giving his shoulder one last squeeze.
“She must’ve been one hell of a kid to get a weekend like that.”
Joel chuckles slightly, closing his eyes for a moment.
“She was.”
“I appreciate you sharing this with me. How about you come by again in a few days? I’ll see if I can manage to find some beans to make us some coffee with.”
Joel nods his head and gives you a small smile.
“I’d like that.”