Chapter Text
Robert looked at the two framed photographs of a little blond haired, blue eyed girl that were front and centre on his sleek and shiny desk. The rest of his desk was covered in files, paperwork and a phone.
Aubree Grace Sugden was the spitting image of her father, and there was no one or anything in the world he loved more than his little girl.
Maybe he’d been upset when Chrissie first told him she was pregnant, maybe he’d been afraid – just for a minute – what it would mean for the lifestyle that they had both become accustomed to. They were newly married – they had barely been back from their honeymoon in Bora Bora when she’d broken the news to him.
Flashback - July 2014
He had set the table for the two of them, he had lit candles. There was a bottle of wine chilling.
But Chrissie wasn’t smiling when she walked in the door after a long day at the office.
“Chrissie, what’s wrong?”
She avoided his kiss and slumped onto the sofa, slipping off her expensive red pumps. “I’m -----“ she trailed off and put a hand to her spinning head and saw the concern in his eyes.
Her skin was clammy under his hand. “You’re like ice, pale as a ghost. Damn it, Chrissie, take it easy. Let me call a doctor.”
“No, there’s no need.” Carefully she pushed herself up. “I’m all right.”
“The hell you are.” Her skin was clammy under his hand. “You’re like ice, and pale as a ghost. Damn it, Chrssie, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“I don’t need the hospital or a doctor.” She fought back the hysteria and forced herself to speak. “I’m not sick, Robert. I’m pregnant.”
“What?” It was the best he could do; he sank back onto the sofa and stared at her. “What did you say?”
She wanted to be strong, but he looked as though she had hit him with a blunt instrument. “I’m pregnant,” she repeated, then made a helpless gesture. “I’m sorry.”
He only shook his head, waiting for it to sink in. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I took a test. I suspected for a couple of weeks, but…”
“Suspected.” His hand curled into a fist on the cushion. She didn’t look furious; she looked destroyed. “And you didn’t mention it.”
“I saw no need until I knew for sure. I didn’t want to upset you.”
“I see. Is that what you are, Chrissie? Upset?”
“What I am is pregnant,” she said briskly. “I’m going away for a few days.” Though she still felt shaky, she managed to stand.
“Away?” Confused, afraid she would faint again, furious, he caught her. “Now just a damn minute. You come home, tell me you’re pregnant, and now you’re telling me you’re leaving again?” He felt something sharp punch into his gut. Its name was fear. “Where?”
“Dad has a place down in London.” She heard her own voice, snappish and rude, and pressed a hand to her head. “I’m sorry, I’m not handling this well. I need some time. I need to get away.”
“Was this your dad’s brilliant idea?” Lawrence had never been fond of Robert, and Robert could imagine the old man’s reaction when he heard the news. He was probably more than willing to set his daughter up in a flat far away from him.
“What you need to do is sit down so we can talk about this,” he said.
“I can’t talk about it. Not yet. Not until I….”
“You’re not going anywhere.” He grabbed her arm to pull her back. “And you damn well will talk about it. What the hell am I supposed to say? Great news Chrissie, see you when you get back?”
When her voice rose this time, she couldn’t control it. “I didn’t want this! I didn’t want your child inside of me.”
“Clear enough.” His grip tightened, and he let his own temper free. “That’s crystal clear. But you do have my child inside of you, and you’re my wife. We’ve talked about this, we both wanted a family. I don’t understand the sudden change of heart.”
End of Flashback
That night should have been his first clue that their relationship was doomed, Robert thought as he rubbed his aching temples. Aubree was five now, and Chrissie had been gone nearly four years. He could forgive her for walking out on him, for ending their marriage, but he would never forgive her for abandoning their daughter.
And this morning Aubree had asked about her mommy again. He was running out of ways to change the subject. She was growing up before his eyes and he knew that the day was coming that he would have to be honest with her and tell her the truth about her mother. He was dreading that day, and it was making him edgy and withdrawn.
“What’s going on, Rob? You won’t talk to me and I can tell that you’re upset. Is something wrong with Aubree?”
“She asked about Chrissie again over breakfast this morning.” Robert sighed. “I don’t know what to tell her.”
“It’s not your fault Chrissie left, Rob. She’s the one that deserted her family. I know it’s hard, but Aubree needs to know that it was Chrissie that broke up her family, not you. She’s old enough to try to understand.”
“You don’t know, you can’t know, how much this hurts.”
“No, but I can see it.” Vic pulled him into her arms. “You have family that loves you and loves her. I know it’s not the same, but she’ll always have me and Adam and this one.” Vic rubbed her growing belly affectionately.
His mind was too cluttered, and he knew he was stalling. He glanced over to his desk and the photograph of him and his little girl, taken at her last birthday. “It’s going to break her heart.”
Vic busied herself boiling the kettle and brought over two cups, setting his on the desk.
Robert managed a small smile as he picked up the cup. “Thanks.”
She put a hand over his, rubbing lightly. “I haven’t asked many questions because I know talking about Chrissie is still hard for you. I know she hurt you.”
“She left me for another man, what’s to talk about?”
Vic leaned over and cupped his chin in her hand. “And that wasn’t your fault.”
“I wasn’t a very good husband,” Robert said. Could he tell her the truth, the whole truth behind their sham of a marriage? Would he ever be able to tell anyone without risking being shamed, judged?
How could he ever tell anyone he had been in love with a man when he’d proposed to Chrissie all those years ago? That he had only done it to prove to himself that what he had suspected about himself was a lie?
For a brief time they had been happy, hadn’t they? Their marriage had barely survived the first year of marriage and Chrissie’s pregnancy. It had only gotten worse after Aubree was born. He was convinced now that Aubree was the only reason it had lasted that long.
He had wanted desperately to give Aubree a loving and stable home – but by the time Aubree was three months old, Chrissie was already sleeping with someone else – and making plans to file for divorce.
She’d served the papers on him the day after he got back from a week long business trip in London. She claimed her infidelity was his fault, that his lifestyle and all the hours he spent at the office made her feel unattractive and unlovable, so she’d been forced to find attention elsewhere.
“I forgot what I came to see you,” Vic said, breaking Robert out of his thoughts.
“Oh? And here I thought you came here because you missed seeing my lovely face.”
“Dream on,” Vic said, rolling her eyes. “It’s about Aaron.”
Aaron Dingle. The man who had at one time been Robert’s best mate, but also the bloke he’d snuck into barns with and shared stolen moments with in the backseat of his car.
Aaron Dingle who had left Emmerdale after his engagement to Chrissie went public, the day after Robert had broken things off with him, claiming whatever had happened between them had been a mistake.
You're a mistake. I don't love you, I don't want you. Just go. I'm marrying Chrissie. You and I are through.
“What about him?” Robert said, hoping he didn't sound interested in the slightest. No one knew about their secret relationship, or how badly things had ended between them, or how bitter Aaron had been towards him at the end.
Not that Robert blamed him. His head had been so messed up back then. He had tried so hard to push Aaron away because he knew if he admitted how he really felt what it would mean. His future, his status, would all be gone, and he couldn't let that happen.
“He’s back. Chas told me he’s come back home to finish his book. Apparently some big movie producer has bought the film rights to his first book and they’re developing it into a movie. How exciting, eh?”
Aaron Dingle, once just a grumpy mechanic was now a best selling novelist with three bestsellers and now a movie in the works.
He didn’t care, Robert told himself, or at least he tried to convince himself that he didn’t.
But he did. He still did even after six years.