Chapter Text
“It’s fucking criminal.”
“Really, Vegeta? Criminal?” Nappa raises a brow as he looks in the rearview mirror at his coworker’s permanent scowl.
“Yes!” he snaps back.
Raditz crunches on the remains of a half-day-old sandwich. “I mean… technically, he’s not wrong.” He stuffs more bread into his mouth before continuing. “She is breakin’ the law.”
“How ‘bout you stop thinkin’ ‘bout technicalities and use that last brain cell of yours to focus on chewin’ your damn food ‘fore ya get yer greasy prints on everything, ya filthy animal.” Nappa shakes his head.
“It’s fucking bullshit!” Vegeta exasperates. “We steal all this—this trash for Freeza, and the bitch doesn’t even have good taste, did you even see those diamonds? They were not only flawed, but also completely worthless because they’re-”
“Your point?” Nappa asks even though it’s the fourth time this week he’s heard this rant and he knows exactly what Vegeta’s point is.
“My point!” Vegeta continues while methodically sliding rounds into the magazine, “is that right now she is enjoying life up in her shiny fucking castle!” Vegeta finishes loading the mag and clicks it into his pistol. “All rich and lavish, while I sit in the back of this rust bucket, risking my life! Barely able to pay rent! We are the best! We deserve better!”
“Whadya want, Vegeta? Healthcare and dental?” Nappa rolls his eyes as he slows and puts the van into park. “At least she’s payin’ us.”
“Underpaying us! She undervalues everything in order to cheat us on our already pathetic half of a percent commission.” He pulls the slide back and chambers a round.
“Hell, then! At least she’s hirin’!”
“You say that like we have a choice! You know as well as I that you can’t exactly say no to Freeza.”
“If rent’s really so bad then why don’t ya get a roommate?” Raditz chimes in.
“Uhg, no. I can barely stand living with myself, let alone someone else.”
“Then how ‘bout a boyfriend.” Nappa rolls his eyes. “Christ, you’re wound so tight. Always bitchin’ ‘bout somethin’.”
“E-excuse me?!”
“You heard me. Get laid once in a while, why doncha. Take the fuckin’ edge off. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll be rich too. Bam! Two birds one stone.”
Vegeta narrows his eyes. “I don’t believe I asked your vodka-logged brains, or lack thereof, for its opinions on my—”
“Yeah, yeaa!” Raditz laughs with a mouthful of food. “There ya go! Get yourself a sugar da—”
“Get myself a what?” Vegeta pauses as he holsters his pistol into his boot, then smacks the rest of Raditz’ sandwich out of his hand and onto the floor. “Clean that up.”
“Aw. Dude, c’mon. What the the fuck. It was a fuckin’ joke.” He picks up the stale remains and carefully inspects them before putting them back together and into his mouth.
Vegeta grimaces. “Your general presence is already a big enough joke. You hardly need to justify it vocally.”
“Damn, Nappa’s right. You do need to get fuckin’ laid,” he mutters under his breath.
There are a series of loud thuds and the van suddenly lurches to one side. Nappa looks in the rearview mirror. “Hey! Knock it the fuck off! I JUST got the fucking axle fixed on this thing! I don’t need you two breakin’ it with another fight!”
Vegeta releases the suffocating headlock around Radtiz’ neck and detangles one of his hands from several wiry tendrils of hair. “Disgusting.” Vegeta wipes his palm on the front of Raditz’ shirt. “Take a fucking shower.”
“But dude.” Raditz sits up and brushes himself off with a laugh. “I already took a shower this week!” Vegeta refuses to acknowledge the joke and continues preparing. “Whatever. Why don’t ya jus’ get a cheaper apartment or sell some of yer shit or somethin’. I know you got stuff y’ain’t supposed to.”
Vegeta frowns and pulls a mask over his face and opens the door. “No.”
“Power’ll be cut in ten. So, for god's sake wait.” Nappa snaps quietly. “You two better not try to pull some risky bullshit like last time or I swear to—”
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll behave.” Raditz waves him off as he fumbles with his own mask and jumps out.
“No promises.” Vegeta grins as he gets out and slides the door shut. Nappa glares at them in the side mirror before the van peels away.
Raditz quickly follows Vegeta into the shadows. “Man, you keep complainin’ ‘bout how she never pays enough,” he whispers. “So how come ya never, y’know, do a little freelancin’ ? I always do.”
“And how’s that working out for you, Mr. I-served-six-months-for-armed-robbery?” Vegeta motions for Raditz to freeze. He looks down a quiet side street, then gives the clear to keep going.
Raditz scoffs. “Fuck off, that was years ago. I didn’t know what I was doin’. I’ve got a pretty reliable system now.”
“Tch. Well, I don’t do petty theft. ”
“‘Petty theft.’ You’re such an elitist. This is basically the same thing.”
“It is not.” Vegeta and Raditz both stop at the gate at the end of the street for a moment and wave at the security camera on it before Vegeta takes out his pistol and shoots it. “A common thief could never do what we—what I do.”
“You’re so stuck up, you know that?”
“Yes.”
“The worst. There’s no arguin’ with ya. Even if I got good points, I can’t win.” Raditz shakes his head and offers his palms. Vegeta uses them to hop up and easily climbs over the fence. He lands cleanly on the ground and waits for Raditz to do the same with his lumbering frame.
“Hurry the hell up, you fat fuck.”
“I’m not fat!” Raditz jumps down after struggling to swing his leg over the edge. “We can’t all be, uh... fuckin’, uh… shit. What the hell were they called?” Raditz snaps his fingers when he remembers. “Pygmy marmosets!”
“A—a what?! The fuck is that?”
“The world’s smallest monkey,” he replies with a cheeky grin hiding beneath his mask.
“How…” Vegeta lifts up his own just to shoot him an irritated look. “...the hell do you know that?”
Raditz shrugs. He will never reveal that he and Nappa looked it up for the sole purpose of having more height-related nicknames for Vegeta. “I jus’ know things, man.” They begin stealthily making their way up the dark unlit property. “Anyway, all I’m sayin’ is that this is the same thing. We got weapons, and we’re robbin’ a house. What’s the difference between doing these jobs for Freeza and the small time shit I do between ‘em to make ends meet?”
Vegeta turns, holds his arms out, and walks backwards down the dark driveway toward the front door. “The difference is...” He smirks. “It’s not a house; it’s an estate. And we’re not after some schmuck’s wallet; we’re after the real deal.” He turns back around.
“You mean she’s after the ‘real deal,’” he mocks. “Man, jus’ ‘cause she is, doesn’t mean we have to be.” He gestures to the antiques decorating the living room beyond the window. “Gotta work the side hustle, man.”
“Last I checked, Freeza doesn’t approve of side hustles.”
“Ok, yeah. But why does it even matter what she does or doesn’t approve of when she accuses us of doin’ it anyway?” Raditz rubs the side of his ribs. “Zarbon beat the shit out of me for the last job ‘cause he thought I tried to pocket a couple of silver bars.”
“Did you?” He kneels and gestures for the bag Raditz is carrying.
“Oh, fuck yeah.”
“Did he find them?” Vegeta pulls out a lock pick kit.
Raditz grins widely. “Nope!”
“Good.” Vegeta snorts as he begins carefully moving the pick through the lock. “Didn’t find mine either.”
“Yeah, I bet he didn’t. Probably had ‘em shoved so far up your—” he gestures rudely with his fingers.
“Well… yeah.” Vegeta turns and looks up at him, confusion heavy in his voice. “Where’d you put yours?”
Raditz stares at him in disbelief then cracks into laughter. “You’re fuckin’ lyin’.”
The lock clicks and Vegeta turns the knob. “Am I?”
“Y—you gotta be. Right? Dude, tell me you’re fucking joking,” he says as he follows Vegeta into the house. “There’s no fuckin’ way you actually fit those up your—”
“Shh! Shut the fuck up!” he whispers harshly. “Of course I’m lying! … Why would you believe that?”
“I mean, I dunno ‘bout you, but considerin’ somea the shit I’ve seen on the internet, it’s improbable,” he weighs his hands, “but not impossible, and... it would explain why you’re such a pain in the—”
Vegeta tries to smack Raditz in the back of the head but he doesn’t quite reach and Raditz is able to block his offense. “Ok, but see?” he laughs, batting Vegeta’s repeat attempts away until he gives up. “You’re out here lecturin’ about how we can’t take shit on the side, an’ then ya do it anyway. We all do. We gotta.”
“My family never had any trouble making a living before that bitch decided to monopolize West City’s stolen goods market,” Vegeta complains under his breath. “Have you ever even tried to sell something she wants without getting her attention? It’s fucking impossible! She’ll take your damn head off to get it if she has to. It’s like she’s trying to own every goddamn rock in this city!"
“Yeah, well, times change and shit happens. I've never even known what it's like not to work for her, so I guess I dunno what I'm talkin' about do I?”
"No, you don't."
Raditz whistles at the grandeur of the hallway they are walking through. “One of these days, I’ma break into a rich person’s house while they’re on vacation and jus’... live in it. Look at this shit.” He picks up a marble bust that had been resting on a bookshelf.
“Put that back and help me look,” Vegeta snaps while opening a few drawers and rifling through them. “Just because the place is empty for the weekend doesn’t mean our time is unlimited.”
Raditz sighs as he searches the shelves. “Oh! I got an idea! Why don’t you just ask her for a raise? Mattera fact, ask about one for me too while you’re at it, yeah?” He elbows Vegeta.
“Oh ha-ha. Real fuckin’ funny.” He stops Raditz and pauses before pointing to a large out of place portrait behind the desk. “You think she’s going to—” He grunts as they lift the painting off the wall, “part with any of her wealth for us ? No. Of course not.”
“Can’t hurt to ask. What’s the worst she does?” Raditz grins as he spots the combination safe on the wall and hands Vegeta a stethoscope. “Ba—”
Vegeta holds up a finger and gestures for silence before putting the small metal circle to the safe. He begins quickly turning the dial to the right. Then left. Then right again, then— Click! The safe swings open.
“Bash yer face in a little?” Raditz finishes.
Vegeta rolls his eyes. “Some of us like our faces.”
Raditz shrugs. “Whatever, dude. I’m jus’ tryna keep an open mind about the situation.”
“One of these days…” Vegeta reaches past the stacks of cash. “Your mind is going to be opened all over the wall of a concrete basement in Chinatown,” he whispers with disappointment as he pulls out the gem.
“Maybe so.” Raditz reaches in and grabs two stacks of bills. “But at least I won’t be broke an’ bitchin’ about it.” He pulls out a penlight and clicks it white, then red, then blinking, then finally to a UV beam. He shines it on bills as he flips through them. “Unmarked.” He smiles and pockets them. “What’s the worst she does?”
Vegeta’s eyes flash with a hint of desperation. “ If she finds out?” He sighs and grabs a stack as well.
***
“‘Ey! driver!” Raditz bangs on the van before ripping open the door and hopping in. “Hooked you up too,” he says before gleefully tossing him a wad of cash.
Nappa barely catches it. “Woah, woah, the fuck is this? Thought we were just goin’ after the stone.”
“Side hustle!”
Nappa glares at Raditz and searches Vegeta’s face for approval as he clambers into the beat-up dented vehicle.
“We need to break even somewhere, old man.”
“Are you still fuckin’ on about that?” Nappa grumbles as he tucks the cash into his jacket.
“Yes! I’m still fucking on about that!”
“Your belligerence is gonna get us in trouble. Again!”
“So? What are you complaining about?” Vegeta mutters.
“Yeah, she never fucks with you,” Raditz adds.
“Because I don’t fuck around on the job!” He glares at them through the rearview mirror.
Raditz snorts. “Yer so full of shit. Bet yer drinkin’ and drivin’ right now.”
There is a long pause as Nappa avoids their accusing faces. “Makes me a better driver.”
“Is that right?” Raditz sneers.
“Can’t do half the shit I do sober.” They hit a pothole, sending the stray remains of Raditz’ fast food to the other side of the van.
“Keep your eyes on the road, Nappa,” Vegeta grumbles.
Raditz chuckles. “Lemme see the stone. I’ve heard all about this thing. Said to be magical or some shit. I didn’t get a good look inside.”
Vegeta roots through the black messenger bag for a moment before pulling out a separate soft drawstring bag. He opens it and uncovers a small flawless orange globe with a single red star in its center. It is the size of his palm and almost glows in the back of the windowless van.
“So, this is what it’s all about, huh?” Raditz takes it and tosses it between his hands. “Doesn’t look that special. Whadya think it’s worth? Maybe two mil?”
“Nah, something that big?!” Nappa casts a curious glance into the mirror. “Ten easy.”
“I don’t think it’s a diamond though,” he says, shining his penlight through it.
“No, it’s not.” Vegeta confirms as he watches the light refract inside the sphere.
“I think it’s just… glass. Maybe crystal? What’s in the center though? A ruby? Garnet? Need better light to tell. Huh.” He hands it back to Vegeta. “We’ve hit way bigger targets than this, don’t ya think? Wonder why she wants it so bad.”
“She doesn’t want just this one.” Vegeta stares at it curiously. “She wants the whole set.”
“Ooh shit.” Raditz grins. “You didn’t say we were goin’ after a whole fuckin’ set!” The adrenaline junkie in him shines in the darkness. “How many are there?”
“Including this one? … Seven.”