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Doyoung often bragged to his friends about being able to not feel anything. It got him in trouble for his past relationships, people wondering if what he felt for them was honest, or were they synthetic happiness. Aside from that fact, Doyoung was always honest, it didn’t make any sense for someone to lie, was his motto. Not until he met Yuta.
He admitted, Yuta was a breath of fresh air, the latter did not care for anyone’s principles except his. A little white lie or two was the structure of their relationship. Doyoung often compared the both of them, similar but opposite. They lie, but one is not forced.
He got out of bed, and he looked at his surroundings. His room did not get any tidier, only the space on his bed grew bigger. Doyoung looked at the mirror everyday and never failed to call himself pathetic.
Today was supposed to be their wedding, meaning it has been months since the engagement was off. He thought it would be easy, but who was he kidding? The two gave their life savings to buy their dream house, and now that they were practically strangers, they waited for the other to leave.
Doyoung went out to the kitchen when he made sure that Yuta was away. He was always away. Doyoung kept telling himself that he shouldn't worry about Yuta, after all he was just another stranger. However, he couldn't erase the fact from his mind that Yuta was a liberated fish in the sea. He may have had a scar from Doyoung's hook, he was still free nonetheless. All Doyoung could do was to prepare himself once Yuta started bringing other people home.
He stared at the stove, bare and rusted. He had no motivation to create new movements so he stuck with his usual: taking the sparkling wine bottle from his room and drinking it on the table, staring at the door until it creaks.
As Doyoung immersed himself on the bubbles rising up from his glass, the door creaked, almost making him drop the tulip. It was the first time they have been in the same area after a long time.
The scraping of the hinges and the refrigerator were the only sounds left after Yuta was home. Doyoung expected footsteps but the former was still in front of him.
"Have you eaten?" Yuta asked.
Doyoung felt nostalgic, his voice was from an antique doll's voice box. However, Doyoung never responded back. He stood up and grabbed his bottle, turning his back as he walked towards his room.
"Someone's coming over," Yuta said, making Doyoung's heart skip a beat. "I'll try and leave food tomorrow-"
Doyoung ran towards his room and shut his door. He couldn't bear to hear what Yuta had to say. He may be out of Doyoung's hook but Yuta was still in his boat.
Doyoung isn't sure if he can let Yuta go.
---
Doyoung stared at the popcorn ceiling, wishing it could just fall down and crush him. He had wasted another day moping in his room, while the moon shines in his dark, gloomy sanctuary.
He then awaited his doom, the moment Yuta's guest entered their house. He heard shy footsteps, and a knock on his door.
Yuta opened the door to his room and poked his head. "Taeyong is here, wouldn't hurt to be just a bit friendly and greet him."
"He's your guest," Doyoung said. "I'm just a piece of dust floating, don't mind me."
Doyoung heard Yuta sigh before closing the door, he immediately felt a pang in his heart, guilt or jealousy, he decided to sleep it off.
---
Doyoung doesn't know if it was the next day but he wished the days would all end. He stood up from his bed and went outside. It irked him to see Taeyong still in their house, sitting on Yuta's spot on the sofa, watching from their tv, and cuddling with his boyfriend, ah, ex-boyfriend.
He dared look at Yuta who was already looking at him. He snapped his head immediately to the kitchen.
He grabbed a new glass, or something that allows him to drink his wine since all of their porcelains were shattered in his room.
Doyoung heard slow footsteps approaching him, making him flinch.
"Hello, I'm Taeyong," he said when he reached Doyoung's side.
"I've been told," Doyoung said, not sparing Taeyong a glance.
"I hope you don't mind staying the night here," Taeyong continued with his shy, trembling voice.
"Why would I? I'm not his mom," Doyoung said to which Taeyong nervously chuckled at. "I'm his ex fiance."
Taeyong's smile dropped as he heard Doyoung speak. "Oh, sorry," was all he could say.
"What, did he not tell you that?" Doyoung asked.
"Not really," Taeyong said.
Doyoung could notice how nervous Taeyong was, good, he thought. He'll leave their lives faster. He wanted Taeyong gone more than anything in the world.
"I hope you're okay with this," Taeyong continued, failing to meet Doyoung's glaring eyes.
"You think?" Doyoung replied. He felt like he was winning at something, but it wasn't because of his skills, it was because the opponent was weaker.
He got tired of Taeyong staring at the ground so he walked past him, shoulder purposely bumping to Taeyong hard.
Taeyong shrieked as he fell to the ground.
Doyoung heard Yuta shout Taeyong's name from the living room as he ran to the kitchen. He saw Yuta's furrowed eyebrows, his eyes watched him disappointingly, before helping Taeyong stand up.
"What the hell, Doyoung?" Yuta shouted.
Doyoung's eyes watered as he searched for an answer. It wasn't an accident and he knew he couldn't bullshit his way out of this, so he ran into his room, never interacting with Yuta ever again,
until one day, Yuta went home just in time as Doyoung sat on the kitchen table.
It wasn't like before, Doyoung thought. He was unreachable, he pushed Yuta too far to the edge that even Doyoung himself couldn't save himself from falling off. This is where he knew that their relationship was nowhere near salvageable, but that didn't stop Doyoung from trying.
"Join me, I was just about to start," he said.
Yuta sighed before sitting down across him.
"I didn't appreciate what you did to Taeyong that night-"
Doyoung scoffed and picked his knife on the mat. "Let's not talk about people that aren't here."
"Why are you suddenly acting out?"
"Acting out?" Doyoung asked. "I don't get you sometimes."
"You know what I mean. Taeyong told me what happened."
Doyoung's grip on his fork tightened, making it scrape the plate. "Of course, a fucking tattletale."
"Taeyong didn't do anything to you-"
"You brought him to our house! You can't just fucking bring someone home while I'm still here!"
"Then go," Yuta said.
"See, this is what I fucking hate about you. You act so sweet, pretending you care about my well being," Doyoung said. "Then the next day you don't give a single shit about me. You can't just act all nice and leave me hanging the next day!"
"I was trying to be civil," Yuta said. "Be honest, Doyoung. What the fuck do you want-"
"I want you back!"
The tears Doyoung kept fell down, making a loud thud on the glass table. Yuta scoffed, the former was surprised he didn't call him pathetic.
"So you just chose to forget that you're the one who called the wedding off?" Yuta asked.
Doyoung gulped as he tried to find something to reply.
"I wasn't ready," he said timidly.
"Then why did you say yes?" Yuta asked. "Why did you make me believe you love me?"
"I did love you-"
"You lost me, Doyoung. You locked yourself in, thinking you were the only one hurt. We could've hurt together. All I wanted was to be with you but you shut me off, what else was I supposed to do? How could I chase someone who's not even moving."
"Please," Doyoung said through his sobs. "Don't leave me."
"Pleading me not to leave you makes me want to abandon you more," Yuta said. "Why do you even need me? Do you just want someone to show off? Am i a fucking toy for you?"
"No, Yuta, no," Doyoung said his hands clasped together. "Please don't go."
"What do you need me for, Doyoung."
"I just do-"
"Then it's not a good reason enough for me to stay."
---
If someone close to Doyoung were to describe him, sympathetic wouldn't cross their minds. He worked his way up to be sufficient, unbothered, but Yuta could just destroy the walls he built to hide himself in just one sentence: Doyoung wasn't enough to make Yuta stay.
He checked the note Yuta left him, it was where Taeyong worked. Originally, he was just going to let it all pass, but Yuta insisted that he should apologize. Both of them had strong principles, and neither would ever back down.
He scanned through the flower aisle and there he found Taeyong. He was irritated on how Taeyong was close to perfect, an angel who works in a flower shop.
Doyoung walked closer and tapped the counter table.
"Let's talk."
---
Taeyong sat across Doyoung outside a coffee shop.
"How's your back?" Doyoung asked.
"Uhm, it's fine," Taeyong answered timidly.
"Sorry it took this long for me to apologize," Dyoung said. "Honestly i didn't want to- anyway. Sorry for the way I was that day."
"You shouldn't worry about it, it didn't hurt at all-"
"Then why did you have to go and tell Yuta?"
Taeyong shyly smiled as he remembered how Yuta cared for him the next day. "He insisted I tell him what actually happened, I couldn't lie to him."
"Not even a white lie?" Doyoung asked.
Taeyong shook his head. "White lies never benefit anyone, well that's what I think," he said, causing Doyoung to scoff at Taeyong's response.
"I'm glad Yuta has you," Doyoung said.
Taeyong offered a small smile to Doyoung.
"If you don't mind, can you tell me a thing or two about Yuta?" Taeyong asked.
Where would Doyoung even start?
"Yuta," Doyoung started. "He has pretty strong morals, he never backs down. His goal in a day was to make someone happy, sometimes he forgets he can be that someone too.
One thing I like about him is that he loves to analyze things and put them into categories, he's like his own mini robot."
"What do you mean?"
"One time, I was writing an email, and I didn't know how to close it off. I deemed 'thank you,' too cheesy, and 'best,' too distant," Doyoung explained. "He told me to ease my worries, and that he knew something that could help me. Something that was in the middle of sappy and not giving a shit. When you just don't want to come off as rude, meaning you do care, but barely."
"And it's?"
---
Doyoung went home after a refreshing talk with Taeyong, although he didn't want to admit it. He opened the front door to be greeted by nothing, no one.
Their house wasn't swiped clean, yet it was unsettling. It was just missing some parts, Yuta's things. He went straight to the living room where their old pictures were faced down, some missing.
He took the note that was stuck on the coffee table.
Today was a good day to go. The mortgage is almost done. It was nice, fun, and I was happy while it lasted, Doyoung.
Best regards,
Yuta